Fucking Gravity
Chapter 12
After exams, I don't get to see Leah again. It's like, once school isn't forcing us together, she abruptly disappears from my life. I don't want to think about why the notion bothers me so much, but as the days of winter break drag on, there is little else that I find myself thinking about other than her.
And it's… frustrating as I wonder how she did on her tests, if a battle with the vampire royalty has broken out, if she's safe.
Even as I sit across from my dad Christmas morning, presents a barrier between us, I wonder if Leah's mother knows what she is, and why her children aren't with her for the holiday.
"I hope you like it," I say, passing him the present I got him. It makes him happy, after all. Even if it's the same thing every year: new tools.
It's not that I don't try to get creative- it's just what he asks for. Apparently, he's always losing them.
He smiles and acts surprised when he tears open the paper. He's an amazing actor. So am I.
I grin as he passes me two packages and an envelope.
The first box is full of math puzzle books. I'm pretty sure he asks Mrs. Connweller what I might like. The second one gives me pause. It's a picture frame with a happy family, and it takes me a moment to realize that it's supposed to be my family. The only reason I recognize what it is, is because my step-father is in it. His one arm is wrapped around a beautiful woman, and the other is holding a toddler in his arms.
There aren't very many pictures of me as a child. After mom died, no one else wanted to remember moments with me, until I met Kim and her mom- so her family holds the monopoly of photos of me. My dad hoards all the photos of my mom in his room (which I'm never allowed into).
"Thanks, dad," I say softly, looking down at the family of strangers. Strangers, except for the man.
I know I should feel… something looking down at my dead mother's face, but… I don't. My dad sometimes talks about her, tells me how beautiful and smart she was, but I don't feel any connection to her. I never have. I don't remember her at all.
Maybe she loved me. Maybe, if she lived, she would have protected me from my step-father's fists. Or maybe hers would have joined his. I just don't know. And I don't particularly care- because she's not here. It's irrelevant.
What is relevant, is that my dad seems all too please with this gift, so I treat it with the proper amount of reverence he excepts.
I move slowly to the last gift- the one I'm most eager for every year- the $100 he presents to me with proud expectation of my gratitude. It's enough to supplement all my holiday shopping and make it as if Christmas never happened to my precarious, slow growing, funds.
Only, when I open the envelope, it's not a $100. A key falls out.
"What…?" I look up, weary of his smug, satisfied, smile.
"Now, I know it's not your normal gift, but this will pay a lot more in the long run," he says, truly seeming excited. I wonder, morbidly, if maybe he really is thrilled for this- or if this is a purposeful scheme to make my life as miserable as possible.
"This is-"
"A key to the garage," he nods. "You're old enough. You start on Monday."
For the first time all break, my thoughts are completely and solely focused on what's in front of me. Stomach acid rises in my throat, and I swallow it back desperately. By his expectant expression, there is no turning this 'gift' down.
"That's great, dad!" I say, voice high. It can be mistaken for excitement, and I try to make my expression match it.
"I know you might be a little rusty, but we'll get you back up to speed in no time. Now, why don't you go get ready to head over to the Connwellers."
I stand up and meet him in a hug. He squeezes me firmly, like he loves me, and then let's go. Sometimes, even I can believe it. It's easier believing he doesn't. Because monsters don't love. And what does that make him, instead, if he actually does care for me?
I collect all my gifts and take them to my room.
…..
Kim pounces on me as soon as she opens the door, and I laugh, returning the hug.
"Merry Christmas!" She cheers.
"Merry Christmas," I return, slightly muffled against her gaudy sweater.
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Holt," she says, pulling away to speak over my shoulder.
"And you, Kim," my dad says cheerily, handing off a bouquet of flowers and a tray of store-bought Christmas cookies- the sugar kind with thick, colorful, frosting. They are Kim's favorite cookies in all the world, though Emily's, from what I hear, is a close second.
"Come on, let's go to my room," she giggles, tugging me along. We drop the flowers off in the kitchen on our way, but the cookies come with us.
"How cool would it be if your dad and my mom ended up together?" she asks, already stuffing a green cookie into her mouth before she can even close her door.
"Horrible," I deadpan, reaching for the box, but she dodges me, twisting away.
"Oh, come on; would being my sister be that terrible?"
"I'm too attracted to you for you to be my sister." She laughs, flopping onto her bed. I follow, crawling across the comforter and reaching for the cookies again. She halfheartedly plays keep-away, but all I have to do is sit on her stomach and pin her arm. "Besides- you guys are great, but you don't want my dad as yours."
"But your dad is great!" she argues, giving up the fight for the box as I drag a red one out of it.
"Sure. Great." I chomp on my cookie, the sugar tasting a bit bitter. I wonder, briefly, what's she's do if I just told her. If I just came out and said 'he hits me, Kim.' Or, 'he has a temper, and gets mad over the smallest things, sometimes.' Or, 'I'm terrified of him.'
She'd probably believe me. I think. But what would she do? What could she do? If she startd acting different around him- hostile- he'd know I tattled.
"What does that mean? 'Sure. Great,'" she mocks. "You've never got along very well with him, and I just don't get it. Tell me."
"Nothing," I say reflexively, and she rolls her eyes, stuffing the rest of her cookie into her mouth. "Really," I try again. "It's just- he's a bit strict, and does things I don't like sometimes." That's the biggest understatement of my life.
I slide off her stomach. I know how to lie- how to act- to not draw attention. I know fidgeting is suspicious, but I reach for a pillow anyway to pluck absently at the seams.
"Like what?" she asks, suddenly becoming concerned as she looks at me. I can see it in her eyes, as she sits up and gives me her full, undivided, attention. She'd believe me if I told her. She'd believe anything I told her. But, as long as it doesn't look like our parents are suddenly going to fall in love and get married, she doesn't need to know.
"Like- for Christmas, he gave me a job at the garage. Without asking me. Just told me that I start Monday."
"So, tell him you don't want to work for him. Tell him you were trying to get a job at the library."
I huff out a humorless laugh. "It's really not that simple. He's… stubborn."
"Well, then, rebel a little. Do something so bad that he has to fire you, and then get the job at the library."
I laugh for real this time, so hard that tears fall, and then I'm actually crying, but I smile through my tears and Kim seems proud that she made me laugh so hard.
"Yeah, no, that's not happening," I wipe my cheeks, sniffing. "At least the pay is great. $15 an hour."
"If you say so," she shrugs, and rifles for another cookie from the container. She hands me one before grabbing her own, and I take it, feeling exposed even as she doesn't see.
I need something else to talk about, to distract me, so naturally my thoughts return to Leah freaking Clearwater.
"Have you heard from Jared?" I ask, dragging my finger through icing instead of the edges of the pillow.
"Not really," she shrugs. "But Collin and Brady have been back and forth across the border giving updates to Emily. Apparently, things are pretty tense over there with so many vampires in the area, even if they are on our side.
"And how exactly are they on 'our' side?" I ask. "I thought the whole point of the shifters is to protect our people from them."
My whole supernatural politics is a little inadequate, and I know it.
"But then Jacob imprinted on Bella's daughter."
"Right- the half vampire, half human baby who will be sixteen by the time she's two (and we're not supposed to find this disturbing or weird). I hate this shit."
Kim grabs my wrist and manually forces the cookie I'm holding into my mouth. Crumbs scatter across her pillow.
"You'll get used to it." I really get the feeling like her sympathy is more amused than sincere, so I don't bother feeling guilty about the crumbs. Cheeky asshole.
By the time dinner actually rolls around, I feel recharged and like I can handle life again. Even if it's in the weird form of watching my dad and Kim's mom do their weird flirting that never goes anywhere.
Once upon a time, I might have wished them to get together- for Ms. Connweller to become my mom- but now I think he needs to stay out of as many peoples' lives as possible. Especially Kim's. Especially Ms. Connweller's. Maybe he might change if he got a wife, and a daughter he could truly be proud of- or maybe I'd just have two more people to worry about getting away from him.
It's not worth the risk.
Thank God nothing ever happens between the two.
"So, I hear you're dating," dad says, looking to Kim across the table.
"Jared," she nods enthusiastically. Her face lights up as it always does when he's mentioned.
"Cameron?" he clarifies. "Isn't he in some kind of gang? What are they calling it- the, uh Perfects? What kind of gang name is that?"
I stiffen. "It's, huh, the Specials, dad. And that's just what everyone else calls that group of friends. They aren't really a gang." Just a wolf pack of teenage boys, led by another teenage boy who, himself, graduated barely two years ago.
"Jared is a really nice boy," Mrs. Connweller immediately leaps to his defense. "Always polite. A real gentleman."
She must not have caught him in her daughter's room, yet.
"Still," he frets. "I don't know if I'd want Fay to be dating one of those boys. You be careful, Kim."
"I will. And trust me, you don't have to worry at all about Fay dating any of those boys."
I choke on my water, and it shoots out my nose onto my plate, and streams through my fingers as I slap a hand over my mouth to stop it. Kim cackles as I scramble for napkins, trying to breathe between coughs, and I kick her in the shins under the table.
She does this all the time- dropping passive aggressive hints about my sexuality. She claims that anything she says would just go right over his head- and she's lucky she's right. Or, I'm lucky. I can easily imagine how having such an imperfection revealed to him would go over.
Kim's mom smiles and winks at me from across the table, like she's in on the joke. Which, she is, I guess. She's nice enough not to spill most of my secrets. At least, not on purpose.
After a few more hours, and more presents are exchanged, it's clearly time to head home. I hug Kim fiercely at the front door- grateful to be bruise-free for once, and I can truly enjoy it. "Call me if you hear anything?" I ask, pulling back.
"For someone who doesn't care, you seem to care an awful lot."
"The more you make a big deal out of it, the more I resist."
"I'm aware," she laughs and gives me one last squeeze before dropping her arms. "Get home safe."
"I'll try," I say resignedly.
"Alright, let's go Fay," my dad says, apparently done with his own goodbyes. I dart in for a hug from my friend's mom before following after him to the car.
We get home well after midnight, and I get more and more tense as he unlocks the door and shuffles in- kicking off his boots and shrugging out of his jacket.
"Go on and get to bed, Fay," he says, and the breath I've been holding rushes out of me as I nod.
"Goodnight dad; Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," he returns, and any Christmas that I get away with snorting water over the dinner table, is a merry one indeed. I hurry away before he can remember my unlady-like behavior.
I fall into bed with a relieved sigh, and my thoughts inescapably turn to gold-flecked eyes. I wonder how Leah's Christmas turned out, and if I should have, maybe, gotten her a present.
A/N: I know it's a bit late. Sorry. Review, I guess.
~Silver~
