Fucking Gravity

Chapter 16

We don't end up taking things slow. It's entirely my fault, though. Mostly.

It's just… It turns out that I really like kissing Leah. Like a lot. So, when her hands settle on that aching bruise on my lower back as she tries to drag me closer, instead of stopping, I push her hands down my body until they cup my butt instead. Or, when her hand clutches at my maybe cracked rib, I grunt and give her something else to cradle- nudging her hand up to my breast instead.

She accepts all my maneuvering enthusiastically and without complaint, but never pushes farther than I urge her to go.

Sometimes I forget completely that I have anything to hide, when she kisses me, when she touches me. She's very good at getting me to forget (my problems, my name). Until she inadvertently bumps against an injury and my brain spirals in panic and I discretely take stalk on if my shirt has ridden up too much, or where I can guide her hands away from the seemingly more innocent places they naturally fall.

At one point, for like an entire week, I'm in so much pain, there's nowhere she can touch without resulting in discomfort. And I'm so angry and frustrated about it- I just want to be normal! To kiss my girlfriend without trying to hide pain from her, the bruises, to just focus completely on her when we kiss.

So, I climb on top of her, pin her hands to the couch next to her hips, and demand, "Don't move."

And she doesn't. Even when I release her, they remain where I put them while she looks up at me with dark eyes.

I touch her slowly, touch her gently- like I just want to be touched. She lets me place fluttering kisses over her face, up and down her neck, on her mouth, all without reaching out to me. She squirms and leans into me, but her hands remain planted.

And I think she gets it (my need for her to be gentle), because after that, she touches me so light, so soft, that I don't have to move her hands for any other reason than because I want to.

It's hard not to just give in- to go further- but there is almost always, in the back of my head- the instinct to hide, hide, hide, telling me you can't, you can't, you can't- even if I don't remember, in the moment, why I need to hide.

Other than the kissing, and my absolute craving for it (I can finally understand how Kim could get so lost in her boyfriend), nothing else really changes in our relationship.

Leah and I both ace all our finals, and summer brings with it its own new routines.

For work, it's me having to open the garage every morning. With Kim, it's her picking me up from work so we can find something mindless to do like hang out at the beach- or even join the pack at Emily's for a late lunch. Leah is always there, and we exchange secretive, amused, smiles, every time she looks away. I still haven't told her that she's my girlfriend now- mostly out of spite.

We keep it from everyone because, once it gets out, it will inevitably make its way to my dad's ear. I tell Leah that he's a bigot and leave it at that.

Fridays are Leah's day. Entirely hers, even if all we feel like doing is existing next to each other while we do our own things. We finally go hiking, too.

"Why were you camping, if you don't like camping?" she asks, looking back as she leads the way, moving through the woods with such an ease that I could believe she lives out here.

She wears only a tank top and jean cutoffs. No shoes. No bra. I try not to get distracted, but I trip over a log anyway as she turns to look at me, and I catch sight of her nipples poking through her shirt.

She smiles as I catch myself against a tree. I wonder what she's excited about, for them to be standing out like that.

One side of her head is in tight braids following the curve of her skull- the other half hangs wavy and loose around her chin.

"Kim was busy and sometimes I just need to get out of the house."

"You need to 'just get out of the house' a lot," she observes, winding backward through the trees. I think she's showing off. I plod along after her, trying to keep my eyes above her shoulders. She reaches out and drags her fingers along the trees as she passes them. She looks like she was born from these woods. Like a nymph or forest spirit.

"My dad can be a bit much sometimes. Best to steer clear." It's the closest I've ever come, since that day in elementary, to admitting what really goes on.

"He drink a lot?" Her voice is casual, but I know she's fishing. While ambiguous and seemingly like normal teenager complaints, I know some of the things I says sometimes worry her.

"No more than the average adult." (How much does the average adult drink?)

She turns as she has to pick her way down a sloping decline. My feet slip and slide as I try to find a path down, but Leah somehow bounds ahead- sliding in a controlled way and leaping from one foot to the next. She's down at the bottom in seconds, and turning back to face me.

"So, he's just a strict, homophobic, bigot," she sums up, and I ignore the question hanging on the end- the offering to tell more if there is more.

"He's an asshole," I agree. "A charismatic asshole everyone loves."

"I can see why that would drive you to go camping," she says dryly. "In a down pour. While it's nearly freezing. With no tent."

She clearly doesn't believe that him being an asshole is the extent of the situation, but she also must not suspect physical abuse, because she lets it go. I don't think she would have otherwise- not with how protective I've seen her get of me.

I've done my best to try and curb that impulse, but there would at least be some trembling in her arms.

"So, when are you finally going to tell Kim about us?" she asks, not even winded as we start up the other edge. She has to reach out and help me up at some parts as I use trees to cling to and keep from sliding back to the bottom.

I'm still not certain I like hiking or not.

"Honestly," I pant, "I don't really care anymore. I just want to see the look on her face when she finds out. Maybe we can stage her walking in on us, or just casually throw out a comment and pretend like we thought she knew the whole time. That would drive her crazy."

"You two have a very interesting relationship," she comments.

"Yeah, well, we're best friends. One time, she-" I cut myself off with a sharp gasp as something under my foot suddenly gives, and I slip.

Leah reacts instantly, twisting and reaching out to me but, for the first time I've witnessed, she loses her footing too. In trying to get to me, her body collides with mine. It's only the tree at my back that keeps us from taking a painful tumble back down the ridge. Instead, I get a tree digging into my back and Leah's body crushing the air from my lungs.

We both freeze, waiting for any more sudden misfortune, but everything remains still. Except the tree trunk at my back. Leah braces against it with her hands, caging my head between her arms, and their trembling shakes the whole tree.

"Hey…" I breath, looking up at her and feeling her entire frame pressed against my front as I heave for breath.

"Hi," Leah laughs, finally relaxing as she processes that the danger has passed. She starts to move away- and it's then I realize her feet have somehow managed to slip and get wedged under mine (and I wonder how they aren't getting hurt by my boots). I stop her before she can get too far, pulling her back to me.

"Wait," I protest. She stills instantly. She's so close, I can feel the strong beat of her heart, the swell of her breast against mine, each time her lungs expand when she breathes. As I focus on it, her heart pounds harder against me. I look up, meeting her dark eyes. "Aren't you going to kiss me?"

She doesn't need further prompting, and soon it feels like I'm back standing on the top of the hill and about to topple down it. It's exhilarating- almost too much even as I seek it out. I don't even remember why I resisted this.

We might have been there for hours if it weren't for the foot beneath mine starting to slide, and Leah has to shuffle to readjust. I watch her as she stares down at her feet, trying to find a stable foothold with far more difficulty than I've seen her experience so far.

Hovered above me, out here in her element- some inexplicable feeling raises up in my chest, clogs my throat, and I'm unable to push it back down again. It's scary and almost overwhelming, and I don't think I want it buried again.

My hand lifts all on its own and touches Leah's face, drawing her attention instantly.

I feel this urge, this nagging compulsion, to put my feelings into words- to tell her. But it's… difficult. What ends up coming out is, "I think I hate you."

Leah doesn't flinch back, doesn't rip herself away- I think she's used to the strange shape my thoughts take sometimes. She only blinks at me, patient as ever (it's strange to be thinking of her as patient now and- oh yeah, that's why I was resisting).

"Why?" She inquires, hands still on either side of my face.

"For the way you make me feel."

"Oh," she says quietly. She raises her head to look up at the tree tops and is quiet for a long time, and for a moment, I worry that she doesn't understand what I'm trying to admit- trying to say.

Then she brushes a kiss on my forehead and says, "I hate you, too."

It's the most fucking romantic declaration of love I've ever heard.

…..

I hurry down the rocky path with a lightheartedness that feels rare and precious. But it's not so rare these past few weeks as I drag Leah along behind me. She could easily overtake me, but she allows me to take the lead- sometimes putting up resistance just so I'll turn around and scold her.

When the rocks turn to sand, I let go of her hand, scanning the shore.

I spot the group easily enough, even though they are by far not the only ones occupying the beach.

They are all grouped together, lounging in the sand, towels stretched out beneath them. It's not the entire pack, but Seth is there, Kim and Jared are there, and Quil is there with little Claire sitting between his legs, molding sand into a rough representation of a castle.

My gaze can't help but lingering on the two. Quil and his three-year-old imprint. I don't mean to be judging or ignorant, but I can't help wondering if him being in her life like this, growing up in his wolfy world from so young, is kind of like grooming.

I don't like to think about it, and the only thing that eases me is when I actually see them interact. I can't ever imagine Quil pursuing the girl romantically. Maybe this instance of imprinting is the one to change the stories. I hope it is.

Kim shouts out as she spots me, and I throw myself down onto her towel beside her.

"You're late!" she claims. "You're never late to anything, ever!"

"Sorry, I got distracted making out with my girlfriend." I have to resist the giant grin that wants to split my face, but then I realize it's perfectly acceptable to be giddy after a make out session, and I let it out. I can't hide the thread of mischief in it, though.

It takes her a moment to process my words, and she freezes. "Excuse me. Hold up. What?"

"Leah?" I innocently play along. "My girlfriend? Kissy kissy?"

"What the fuck- when did this happen?!"

"Wow. You seriously didn't notice? We've been dating for months."

She screams and shoves me. I fall over into the sand, cackling so hard that it's difficult sitting back up. Kim turns her fuming ire to her boyfriend.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He blinks, eyebrows raised in clear surprise, and a little bit of fear. "I didn't know," he raises his hands, and if he weren't sitting down, he might even back away, too. "We aren't in the same pack anymore; I can't see her thoughts."

She turns her glare to Seth. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He blinks owlishly, clearly caught off guard in finding himself in the line of fire. "Um, I really don't like to think about what I see in Leah's mind- especially when it's in reference to Fay." That has a furious blush overtaking my face- mortification and horror rising up as I realize, if she thinks about it, anyone in her mind can see everything. "Besides, why don't you ask them why they didn't tell you?"

I shake off my humiliation, deciding to agonize about it later. Alone. Where no one can see me.

"This," I claim. "For this reason, right here. Your reaction was perfect; thank you, Kim."

"Oh my god, I hate you so much. I will get Jared to throw you in the water."

"Then I'll just sick Leah on him," I shrug.

In this moment, just a few weeks from school starting back up, everything is good and perfect. So, I really should have expected it when it all comes crashing down in an instant.


A/N: Yeah, conflict is nowhere near over. I kinda hate myself for what happens next, but I also can't help it. My mind is twisted.

On that note, please review!

~Silver~