Fucking Gravity
Chapter 23
The campus is beautiful. Beautiful in a different way than the endless wilderness, and the whole wide world stretching out before the cliffs that make you certain there must be gods.
This place is where the gods might live.
There are large square buildings, only three stories, but each level has high ceilings and full body windows and stone columns on the front. They are spaced out in exacting rows that is anything but an accident, and there is a giant lawn for a courtyard at the center of all these buildings. It's so extensive that it took us five minutes to walk across it at a casual pace.
And the sky. The sky is so blue I have to squint trying to look at it, and the sun is making me sweat under my long sleeves.
I won't be able to hide here.
I won't have to.
"It's so beautiful," I whisper, turning in a circle on the lawn. I've never seen something so wide open that's not the dreary grey sea.
There are students milling all across the field, walking purposefully toward the buildings or milling about in the grass, tossing a football or lounging with friends.
My eyes fall to the small group of spaced-out trees, and I can see myself here- one of these carefree students. I can picture it so clearly, sitting under one of those trees, reading or doing homework. Free and unconcerned with anything except getting good grades.
And, despite my best efforts, I also can't help seeing Leah right there next to me, head at my hip and lightly dozing half in the shade- half in the sun.
I want it. I want it so bad, my chest wrenches in longing.
"It is," Leah says quietly, and I turn my eyes to her to see that she's staring at the same spot I was, with an expression on her face that almost makes me imagine she's seeing the same picture. Her fingers curl around mine without her having to turn her head, and I grip them like a life line- like a dream that might turn to mist under my fingers.
"Hey!" a boy, only a little older, says, waving as he comes over. "Are you guys part of the tour group? We're about to start," he says gesturing to the group of about 20 people around our age, and I'm baffled to see that most of them have brought their parents along.
"Yeah, sorry," Leah says, and tugs me forward by our linked hands.
"It's cool," he says, brushing a hand through his wavy hair as he turns and pulls up beside me. He leans forward a bit as he talks, so he can include my gir- my friend. "I got lost, like, three times in my tour because I got distracted so much by everything. I hardly even heard what was being said."
When we reach the back of the group, another kid waves us forward to start walking along the stone path toward the buildings.
"I'm from New York, so it was a bit of a culture shock. What about you guys; where are you from?"
"Washington," I answer, since I'm closest. It feels odd to be talking to a stranger- and one so friendly.
"D.C.?"
"State."
"What's that like? Does it really rain all the time?"
"Most of the time. And there are a lot of trees. Lots of green." I exchange a look with Leah, who just raises her eyebrows. "Aren't you supposed to be leading the tour?" I ask, remembering him being the one to introduce himself to the group and hand out the packets.
He glances toward the front of the crowd to the girl now talking to the group as a whole, and she meets his eyes with an annoyed look. He shrugs.
"Sadie has it. I'm Jason, if you don't remember." I didn't. "What're your names?"
"Fay."
"Leah." She pulls me slightly closer to her with a suspicious look directed around me. It's funny how we've never been so obviously together in public, yet we aren't even technically together.
"So, what major are you looking to study?"
"Engineering," I say, pulling the major out of thin air. Leah shoots me a surprised look, and even I'm stunned as I say it and realize that, subconsciously, I've already decided. When Leah and I talked about it, I didn't know what I wanted to major in, I just wanted out. But now that I've said it, I actually like the idea. There is a lot of math in engineering.
"I want to double in Biology and Criminology." Leah wants to go into law enforcement. She admitted she was reluctantly influenced by being a tribe protector.
"Damn. Both STEM majors. Alright. Well, your buildings would be over there," he points out different structures, and tells us what buildings we might have to mix with, and suddenly we are in our own little tour group separate from the main one (and we even get extra information like- 'the left door on that one has been jammed for years, so you should just use the right' or 'Mr. Liddington grades super hard and never gives anyone an A, so if you value your GPA, avoid his class,' and 'the roof access alarm is broke in this building, so you can sneak up onto it).
It's all useful and very interesting information, and the longer the tour goes on, the longer I want to come here next fall.
I also wonder why he singled us out of the group to give us this separate mini one.
When the tour group comes back to where it started, Jason excuses himself and casually goes back to the front of the group to help 'Sadie' answer any final questions.
"So, what do you think?" I ask, turning to my friend.
"He likes you."
I shove her, but our linked fingers pull her right back to my side. "I meant the school."
"Oh," she smirks, before looking around again. "Maybe it's just because it's the first campus we've visited, but I really like it here."
Relief. So much relief. "Me too," I say.
"So," she says casually. "Engineering?"
"It surprised me, too, okay? And… I think I want to be an engineer."
She ducks her head to knock against mine as she wears a supportive smile. "I know you'll be great at it."
"Hey, Fay, Leah, wait up!" Jason calls as the tour group breaks up, and the older boy makes his way over to us. His irritated friend follows close behind, likely looking for an opportunity to scold him for leaving her alone in the tour.
Sweat sticks to the back of my neck from being outside so long, despite it being the beginning of October. It also makes my hand sticky and gross, but Leah doesn't let go.
"Hey, so, I don't know if you guys have plans or not, but there is a party tonight at one of the frat houses. It's terrible music and worse beer, but you guys should come. I could tell you more about school here, and you can get a feel for the resident idiots."
The plan was to leave out tonight, but it was kind of nice talking to Jason. I don't know if it's just because he was friendly, or if he is just someone who didn't grow up knowing me as the outsider, but I like him. Besides, I still feel drained, and my ribs still ache so much, I don't want to sit in a car so long so soon. I turn to look at Leah to judge her opinion.
"We could stay another night? As long as we leave by eight tomorrow, we should get home in time."
Leah shrugs, looking unconcerned with whatever we do. I turn back to Jason. "Yeah, sure," I accept, for the both of us. "We probably won't stay long, but we can drop by."
"Cool," he smiles, curls bouncing on his head.
…..
The music isn't as awful as Jason claimed- it's just loud. Very loud. It assaults my ears and rattles my bones, and I want to immediately leave right back out into the lawn, where some of the party seems to be anyway. Leah wears an unrestrained grimace, pressing her palms flat against the sides of her head.
I'm about to tug us back toward the door when Jason appears out of the crowd holding a few drinks. He takes one look at us and laughs. At least, it looks like a laugh. I can't actually hear it.
He sets the drinks down and reaches into his pocket before holding out four little orange things. Ear plugs.
I immediately snatch them up and hand them over to Leah. She still wears a pained expression, but Jason waves us further into the house.
We reluctantly follow, having to shoulder through people, and most of them seem to be spilling out into the backyard where a pool is, but Jason takes us past that and up the stairs where the music fades quite a bit, until it's actually at a manageable level. He pushes into one of the rooms- a bedroom- and I finally hesitate at the door before I spot the other people outside on the balcony. It's a small group of four once Jason joins them and starts handing out cups.
Leah's the one to tug me into the room.
He offers us both a cup, sloshing with a piss brown liquid. "No thanks," I say.
"Smart," he grins. "Don't ever take a drink from someone you don't implicitly trust." He hands one of the cups off to the only other guy there and knocks back a gulp from the other before slouching into a bean bag chair.
"You've met Sadie," he points out, "and this is Alison (sophomore) and Danny (freshman). Guys, these are the upcoming freshmen I was telling you about- Leah and Fay."
"Hey," Leah says, and I wave mutely at the others who are all wearing welcoming (if oddly amused) smiles. Sadie kicks over another bean bag, and Leah pulls me down onto it. "Sorry for intruding."
"Don't worry about it," Alison waves off, and by the slack muscles in her face, she's already slightly inebriated. "Jason's always finding strays and bringing them into the group. We were all stays once, too."
'Strays' seems to be a word they use all the time to describe themselves and the people that come into their group, but the phrasing makes me shift in discomfort- all too aware (always all too aware) of the wolf-girl beside me.
"And just how do you pick out strays from the group, Jason?" Leah asks, seeming entirely unbothered by the term. At least outwardly. She's always harder to read around other people.
"Ease up," I grunt lowly, prodding her arm around my middle, and her hold immediately loosens. She shoots me an intense look but doesn't say anything. Not here. The tension in my jaw slackens with instant relief from the shifted hold- now feather light.
"What can I say- it's instinct," Jason shrugs.
Danny rolls his eyes. "He picks the kids standing farthest from the group and who don't have seem to have a support system- like parents- with them. It's some psychology mumbo jumbo about being each other's support or something. Usually, he doesn't come back with two people, though. What's your story? How'd you end up together?"
I finally find my voice, even if it doesn't sound quite right. "Oh, we're not- I mean we were- but not now- I think?- and- well- it's complicated." Leah's lips twitch, and I pinch her.
"Clearly," Sadie says dryly.
"We're working on it, and anything else is none of your business," Leah says breezily.
"Fair enough," Jason breaks in easily. "So, you guys didn't come here to share your life stories, you came here for info. So- let's get to it."
We stay longer than either of us intended. I expected us to be in and out in maybe an hour and a half, but three hours end up passing quickly with this group. It's… an odd dynamic, but strangely familiar. There's no fear in ribbing each other, or throwing insults, but none of it is done in malice. Jason and Sadie are the oldest, being juniors, and I learn that they knew each other before they started college.
Despite being from various years and majors, they are a tight knit group. Completely comfortable around each other- even Danny who is the newest member.
I've never been part of a group before. The closest I've gotten is hanging out with the other members of the pack, but that doesn't quite feel like this. With the pack, I was there for someone else- a guest. With this group, I'm here entirely for myself.
And even more than before, I want this school. I want this group of funny, sincere, odd, people.
…
I'm running. My knees jar with every quick step and my ribs burn and ache with every gasping inhale, but I push on- run faster.
I don't know why I'm running, but I know I have to. I can't get there too late.
I burst into the familiar house, but it looks wrong. Warped and hazy- the walls bend toward me like a funhouse mirror. I continue quickly through the house without pause, but it's not right.
There shouldn't be this many doors. It's wrong. But it's also oddly right, oddly familiar- this panic- and I throw each one open with mounting terror at each empty room.
Finally, I reach the end of the hall, the last door, and I slam through it desperately. Leah's at the center of it, kneeling over Seth, and wailing on him. She throws both hands over and over, one after another without pause, and I can hear each wet thunk each time a hit lands.
There's blood everywhere. So much that I can't see Seth's face, but I know it's him. He doesn't move or breathe, but Leah keeps swinging.
I scream. I scream as loud as I can, but no noise escapes. I try to move forward, but I'm suddenly frozen- unable to move.
Leah's covered in blood, too. Her fists are covered in it, her hair matted with it.
She suddenly turns to me and she's wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong.
Her eyes are clouded over, grey and dead, and there's a hole in her head. There's a hole in her head- the top of it- with splintered skull fragments and brain matter spilling out, and blood gushing from the underside of her chin (another hole that's wrongwrongwrong).
She opens her mouth, and more red comes spilling out past her lips and I'm screamingscreamingscreaming-
Words come gurgling past the blood in a growl- "This is your fault!"
I jolt awake in bed, in the hotel room, clutching my ribs and pressing my hand over my mouth so tightly my teeth cut into my lips. I try gasping for breath, but my lungs keep seizing and halting before I can even get a whisper of air.
I'm soaked in sweat, but I don't move from my spot. I'm still trying to breathe.
Slowly, it doesn't feel like my throat is constricting, and I scrub my hand across my cheeks as if it can remove all evidence of the nightmare, but my hands tremble so bad I feel it in my entire body.
"Fuck," a gusting sighs hisses past my teeth. "Fucking trauma."
I search out to room, heart in my throat, until my eyes land on the shadowed form of Leah in the other bed. At first, I assume she's sleeping, but then I catch the glint of gold and my eyes adjust enough to see her watching me silently. My shivering becomes harsher as I remember the dead eyes in my dream- the blood.
I stand up from the bed and snatch up a change of clothes from my suitcase. With her eyes following me in the dark, I close the bathroom door behind me so I can redress away from those worried eyes. I scrub my face with cold water before going back into the room.
Leah is sitting up in bed, waiting.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asks softly.
"No," I say shortly, on my way back to my own bed so I can pretend to sleep for a few more hours, but I pause at the edge.
My hands still shake as I reach for the blanket, and I have an overwhelming urge to listen to Leah's heartbeat and make sure there aren't any new holes in her head. My throat starts doing that squeezing/choking thing again that makes strange hitching noises.
I turn away from my damp mattress to instead hover at the side of Leah's. "C-can I-?"
She wordlessly slides over, and I carefully climb in. Her bed is warm- she is warm- and I'm still shivering, and my face is wet again even though I wiped it off several times. I burry my face into her shirt and take comfort in the heart thrumming against my cheek.
"Shh, shh, it's okay," Leah murmurs, and it's only then I realize that the reason I can't stop shaking is because I've started sobbing.
A/N: Cause, you know, I can't leave a chapter off on a good note.
So, I did end up writing this in time, and I've got a decent start for the next week, too, so hurray for that. What do you guys think about Jason? I wasn't intending to do much with him, but now I kind of like him.
As for killing off Fay's dad, I have plans for him, one's I'm sure that a lot of you won't like, but, well, shit happens. On that lovely note, please review. They really do give me inspiration.
~Silver~
