Daddy's Little Girl

LoveLastsForever: Thank you but I'm still not very big on the whole M rated writing, maybe there will be some more of this along the way… If I continue this story for longer :D

Luvaddek: Oh and he keeps getting more and more perfect, but today you get a little glimpse why he's the way he is.

Guest: Well I'm glad you liked it :)

Titania: It's getting there but they have a few things to work through, or at least Addie does. But there might be some more M rated chapters at some point.

Addison-fan: Thank you :)

McSteamyandhisredhead: And you still like this Addek story? Thank you :)

Em: They will, in time, but it gets a tad darker now...

A/N: This chapter is my absolute favorite and none of you will understand this during the beginning. But this is the first chapter I like my writing and you get a little glimpse into why Derek is the way he is (so watch for it). The gloomy mood is needed to make it realistic because she has been through a lot and no one would be able to just shake that off.

Music Suggestion: The Night We Met by Lord Huron (seriously, do it, get on spotify, amazon, iTunes or wherever and listen to this song)


I'm Not Fine

Later that night when he woke up, surrounded by dark midnight, Derek looked around the room because that was the only other thing filling it: darkness. No other person, the spot she had been occupying when he had drifted off to sleep not only empty, but already cold from the breeze coming through her opened balcony door. He sat up slowly, looking around the room for a moment before he got up, at least already halfway dressed. Even though he knew that he probably didn't want to see what she was doing outside – because he already knew – he walked through the French doors and normally he would have smiled to himself when he saw that her sofa was still out there. He might have even teased her about it and normally he would have even gotten a smile out of her. Or an eye roll and he would have preferred everything to what he saw now. There she was sitting, looking so much smaller and like that silky moonlight could just swallow her whole.
"Addie?" He asked softly because she hadn't seen him standing there, otherwise she probably would have pretended to be fine, pretended to smile for his benefit. But she hadn't seen him until he had just proclaimed her name and she didn't turn her head to look at him, just kept staring ahead. So Derek sat down next to her, his gaze never leaving her face. She had stopped crying but judging by the look on her face she wasn't even sure how long she would be able to keep this up. "Are you okay?" And he knew the answer. Actually, he knew both answers: The truth and the one she would utter in a few seconds.

"I'm fine." And there it was. They both knew that wasn't the truth and she knew that he was only too aware of that.

"We both know that's a lie." He watched her flinch slightly even though his tone wasn't accusing. Derek hadn't dared to move closer to her because he hadn't wanted to upset her even more. He knew what had led to her tears but he also knew she had to talk about it.

Addison took a deep breath and closed her eyes, like she was mentally preparing herself for what she was about to tell him. "This isn't about you and me," she told him softly, "because that was wonderful, you're wonderful," but there was more to it and she paused again, maybe this time giving him some time to prepare for what she's about to say, "but before tonight the only man I had ever slept with was my husband." And there it was. Her eyes had opened but she didn't turn away from the darkness she had been staring at for longer than she'd like to admit. "And I know this is unfair to you," she whispered through the tears but continued before he even got the chance to make her believe that he only cared about how she was feeling and that he wasn't hurt, "I know I shouldn't be crying and you're not the reason for that, Derek. But it just seems like with every day that passes, every day that I find myself falling for you more, every day erases a little bit of my memory of him. That's why I've told you that you didn't know what you were getting yourself into."

With that and a sigh she finally turned her head to look at Derek but before she could go on he spoke up, "I'm not going to let you tell me to find someone else who could possibly make me so happy, according to you, because you make me happy, no one else. Even now, even if it isn't always easy, Addie." And there it was, the slightest hint of a smile on her face. "I know how it feels to lose someone you love but I can't imagine the pain you're going through," just like he couldn't with his own mother but at least he could try to help Addison, "but I want to help you." Slowly he moved just a little closer to her, almost afraid she would pull away again but she didn't so he wrapped his arm around her and let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding when she seemed to relax slightly. "I'm sorry, Addie." He whispered in her hair and held her just a little tighter because he knew that she was crying again.

xxx

"Sooo, come on! Tell me how last night was with Derek?" Savannah's voice rang through the phone, sounding much too eager and far too excited for Addison right about now.

"It was… Great." And now she really had to smile to herself. "I forgot how amazing that could be." Even if she had wanted to she couldn't have gone more into detail because she was already at work. As a matter of fact she had gotten paged pretty early that morning and deep down she had been relieved that she would get to leave without having to address her little meltdown the previous night.

"Hello? Earth to Addison, geez, was it that great that you now can't even—"

"Savvy," was all Addison needed to whisper to make her friend fall into silence for a second.

"What happened?"

"I," she paused and looked around if anyone was listening but nobody was, "I cried. On the balcony when he was asleep. I know that I'm probably the worst person in this world because there he was, comforting me even though I know that it hurt him. And I'm," she took a deep breath, knowing her friend was holding hers, "so tired of always saying that I'm fine because I'm not. It doesn't get easier, I just forget about it for just a moment but then it only seems to get worse."

"Oh, honey," Savannah's voice was barely above a whisper right now.

"And he says he'll always be there, every step along the way. And all I've done was try to push him away. Whenever I'm hurting, I try to push him away and I can't change that. I can't stop the pain and I can't drag him in with me."

"Addie, you're my best friend and I love you more than anything, and yes, more than my husband, in this world and I know you've changed ever since," she didn't need to say it, they both knew what she meant, "but you've also gotten happier. Turning a new page doesn't mean forgetting."

"I know, it just feels like that's what I'm doing…" Addison sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "So I guess I should talk to him…"

"You haven't?"

"No, got paged early this morning and have been avoiding him all day because I don't know what to say to him. He won't listen to me when I tell him he doesn't deserve this, that I don't want to drag him into this."

"But do you really want him to leave?"

"No… But doesn't that sound selfish?" She had asked herself that exact same question many times before and she always felt so selfish for letting Derek down. He had never caused her any pain and yet she knew that she had hurt him on so many occasions. Just like last night. He had tried to hide it; he had comforted her and told her he would always be there for her. But she felt so selfish for wanting just that from him. She didn't want him to leave; she couldn't even imagine her life without him in it anymore.

"No, it sounds human, Addie."

Human. But was she really human anymore? For a long time she had floated through life, done everything she knew she had to without feeling anything at all. And to be honest, the only reason keeping her alive had been Grace.

xxx

After hanging up the phone Addison turned around, away from the panorama window with the familiar view, and had to smile when she saw her daughter coming towards her. Without saying anything she pulled Grace into a hug and tried to hide her tears when she pulled back. "How was your sleepover with Adele?"

"It was awesome!" Grace smiled widely, Carl, the stuffed zebra, in her hand. "We made so many cookies that aunt Adele got sick."

"But you didn't?" She chuckled because she remembered Adele saying they'd make one batch of cookies and Addison had known then that Grace would be able to persuade Adele into making way more than just that.

"Nope." Grace shook her head. "But we couldn't eat all of them so we have some for you and for Derek and for uncle Richard!"

"Well, you can give Derek his cookies now." Addison said with a soft smile and pointed at Derek, who was coming their way. She watched the excitement on her daughter's face and it was a lot like the excitement each time she had seen her dad. It was realizations like this one that made Addison's heart wrench in pain but, as usual, she tried to just breathe through the pain.

Grace had skipped towards Derek, handed him the cookies and after a minute or two she came back to her mother. "I'll go give these to uncle Richard real quick!" They both knew that 'real quick' never really meant real quick but Addison nodded her head and watched her daughter walk down the hall before she turned back towards Derek, who was now taking a few hesitant steps towards her. He must have known that she had been avoiding him, especially since she had seen him watching one of her surgeries from the gallery but she hadn't looked up.

"Hi." He gave her one of those smiles that made her feel like she was about to burst into tears because he was too kind, too understanding and she could feel those carefully constructed walls around her heart begin to crumble.

"Hi." And just having him stand closer made her feel like each and every muscle in her body began to relax, soothing all the pain she was trying so hard to forget about. "I'm sorry," she told him softly and their eyes met, "about last night, about this morning and about avoiding you." She had told herself she wasn't ever going to lie to him anymore. Not tell him that she was fine so that maybe, for once, she would believe it too. And not to make excuses because he deserved so much more than she could ever give him anyway so he really didn't deserve lies or excuses.

"Don't be sorry." His voice was so soothing and it felt like it was just the two of them. No hospital rush, no people, nothing but quiet around them. "Are you okay?"

Addison shook her head and immediately saw the concerned look on his face so she gave him a slight smile, a heartfelt one rather than a forced one he would've been able to see right through anyway. "But I will be." And then she knew she would be. At some point she would be okay again.

xxx

"Don't pretend you didn't like this movie." Addison told Derek that night when they put away the ice cream, the cookies, the chips and all of the other crap she knew she shouldn't be eating. "Because we both know that you did."

"You know, I do get why Grace didn't get sick from all those cookies. It's like weekends are training camps for one of those unhealthy eating competitions." Derek nudged her softly and smiled when he saw that she was smiling too.

"Don't dodge the question." It seemed like everything had changed between them. For the better. She knew that there were many things she still had to deal with but she also knew that she could get through anything, especially with him by her side.

"You never asked me a question." His eyes were dancing with amusement when she only rolled her eyes. "But I didn't hate the movie, I just didn't feel like singing along like you two did through the entire movie." They had watched Beauty and the Beast because neither Grace nor Addison could believe that Derek had never watched it.

"Did you really mind?"

"No." He had to laugh and wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. "I actually didn't." He whispered in her hair.

"Good." She closed her eyes, her chin now resting on his shoulder. They stood there for a few minutes, hugging in complete silence before Addison whispered, "I love you, Derek."


Did you catch it? Why Derek is so unbelievably perfect?

Okay, so you might have listened to the song while reading (I hope you did) and if you've watched 13 RW it might have seemed familiar and yes, that was the song from the prom ;) And I had wanted to update all my other stories before updating this one, I hope you'll forgive me for that.

She finally stopped pretending to be fine and, to me, that's a big step. So is the I love you but you'll get more of that in the next chapter.

What did you think? Reviews are love.