Whatever confidence Kakashi held after meeting Tsunade had deflated like a balloon. He'd been running on impulse, adrenaline, and risky decisions up until he arrived at the library to find Iruka…suspended.
Kakashi had went home afterward, at the behest of exactly 78 voicemails all yelling at him that if he didn't return right now Gai would read him a strongly worded letter, and Kakashi would have to sit through all of it until Gai was done.
Rest in a familiar bed had been kind to Kakashi and what he really needed in order to be able to think. But when Kakashi thought, he became a coward.
Kakashi groaned and pressed his head against the steering wheel, thankful he had managed to convince Gai that his presence wasn't needed and thoroughly discouraged in order to not impede on his reunion with Iruka. A reunion that was now two weeks late.
Originally Kakashi wanted to stop by Iruka's apartment on the weekend, but Kakashi had no idea if Iruka even wanted to see him, after Tenzou had a made a stray comment that Kakashi should be careful in case Iruka actually believed Kakashi's thoughtful decision to give him space was a sign of sudden disinterest.
Last night, Tsunade provided the address of the cafe Iruka was now working at.
"You know, you could have called me to find out what his number was," Tsunade had said, laughing at Kakashi's facepalm. "I bet he's pouting to himself, wondering why his puppy decided to run away without saying goodbye."
Kakashi was not, he argued vehemently, Iruka's puppy. But whatever romantic notion he'd been fostering about warm reunions met with wide eyed excitement and a reaffirmation of budding bonds was quickly stomped on at the profound awkwardness seeing Iruka again without a plan wrought.
He'd been sitting in his car across the street from the cafe for an entire hour.
"You can do this," Kakashi said to himself in the front mirror. "Stop overanalyzing. You'll get stuck and won't ever get the chance to speak to him again."
Fuck, maybe he should buy flowers. Did Iruka even like flowers?
Kakashi groaned again and remained sulking in his car.
The barista job was—well, it was something, and it paid enough, and that was the sole reason why Iruka wasn't going to jump over the counter to swing at the next customer that was rude to him. He'd been here for two weeks, and while his check covered his bills, Iruka really missed working at the library.
The smell of coffee could not rival an entire room of books.
He wondered about everyone: Yuuri, and Jun, and the others. Was his replacement taking care of them? Did he even have a replacement? Iruka took a deep breath and tried to push those worrying thoughts aside again. It would do him no good to stress about a problem that was no longer his own.
The sound of the bell ringing above the door made Iruka sigh in relief.
"Welcome!" he and his co-workers said together, and Iruka moved to the cash register, making sure everything was in order and clean.
"How much would it cost, if I asked for your company along with a cup of black coffee?"
Iruka pressed his lips together, unsure if he was more amused or irritated. "I would say no, because the company you're seeking isn't on the menu and thinks black coffee is horrendous."
"Barbaric," Kakashi muttered, and he practically beamed when Iruka finally raised his head. "Hello again."
"You're late," Iruka chided softly, ignoring the curious looks he was receiving from his co-workers. He was thankful Kakashi had come after the lunch rush. "You didn't even say goodbye."
Kakashi placed 350 yen on the counter, apparently serious about the black coffee. "I'll make it up to you. When can we talk?"
Iruka hummed and went to pour his order. The initial mix of amusement and irritation had merged to become something akin to excitement. It took all of his willpower not to let his hands shake as he sealed the cup and placed the cardboard around it. He felt like an awkward teenager again, and Kakashi hadn't taken his eyes off him not once.
It was still hard, admitting he had missed Kakashi.
"Excuse me, are you Hatake Kakashi?" came the voice of his manager, and Iruka froze, nearly crushing the cup.
"Yes, that would be me," Kakashi answered, sounding strained. Iruka immediately felt sorry for him.
"I'm a huge fan and follower of your company's magazine and sponsorships." Iruka turned just as they were shaking hands and walked over to them. He'd never seen his manager so happy. Renji was very serious for his age, despite only being thirty. Iruka mistook him for being far older than he really was. "Your newest sponsor, Uchiha Sasuke, is a prodigy."
"He works hard," Kakashi agreed, and smiled again when he saw Iruka approach. He grabbed the coffee. "Thank you. Hey, listen, uh—"
"Inoue Renji."
"Right. Renji-san, may I borrow Iruka for the rest of the day?"
Renji raised both eyebrows. "Of course! I had no idea you were friends." He gave Iruka a look that said he was to explain himself later. "I'll cover for him. He only had four hours left."
"Thank you."
Iruka's jaw had dropped throughout the entire exchange. Since when had he agreed to go with Kakashi? "You can wait until my shift ends," Iruka said firmly, glaring at Kakashi before his manager turned to him. "It's not proper for me to just leave."
"Nonsense," Renji scolded, "Hatake-sama is clearly a busy man, and you shouldn't waste his time having him wait for you."
Kakashi placed a hand on Renji's shoulder, and something about his smile this time was chilling. "Iruka-san could never waste my time. It's not best to assume, hm? Though, I would prefer it if we spoke now instead of later."
Iruka was going to kill them both. "Okay," he replied through gritted teeth and nearly stomped as he walked away, removing his apron and cap.
Kakashi's car was more expensive than ten years' worth of Iruka's rent. He tried not to think about it.
"Was this necessary?" Iruka asked after exhaling audibly through his nose. "I haven't seen you in two months. You could have waited four more hours."
Kakashi took a sip of his coffee, and Iruka pointedly looked down at his lap, still polite despite his anger. "Not really. Besides, you looked miserable. I'm surprised you're not thanking me."
"Yes, thank you," Iruka said dryly, "for disappearing without a word and having me depend on the news channel for your whereabouts." It was actually Genma, but Iruka wasn't so sure he was ready to have Kakashi meet his friends yet.
Iruka felt Kakashi's wince more than see it. "I apologize for that. In all honesty, I thought you'd want some space." He thumbed the cardboard on his cup. "I probably would have called you everyday just to hear your voice had Tenzou found your number.
"You can't just say things like that," Iruka whispered, as if people could hear them through the windows if he was any louder. He was unsure why they hadn't driven off yet. "You make it sound like we're…" Iruka trailed off, suddenly shy.
"Like we're what?" Kakashi asked and appeared to be genuinely confused.
Iruka shook his head. "Never mind. What is it that you wanted to talk about?"
"Your job," Kakashi admitted, and Iruka wasn't surprised he managed to find out. "Tsunade told me what happened, and I want you to know I'm on your side."
Iruka shut his eyes tight. Why did he want to cry? "Thank you," he replied. "But that still could have waited."
"I don't want you to work in the cafe."
"What?"
Kakashi set his coffee down in the fancy cup holder that resembled one of the claw hands at the amusement park machines. Iruka wanted to glare at it. "You look miserable. There's bags under your eyes, your hair is sticking to your forehead, and I bet it takes more than three washes to rid the smell of coffee from your clothes."
Iruka repeatedly opened and closed his mouth. Yes, there were bags under his eyes, and his hair was sticking to his forehead, and it did take three washes to rid the smell of coffee from his clothes but, frankly— "It's none of your business," Iruka said flatly.
"I disagree," Kakashi argued. "We're friends aren't we? And I watch out for my friends, even though I don't have many. I did promise no more acts of charity, but this isn't charity, I'm offering you a job."
Iruka blinked. "You're offering me a what?"
"A job. I want you to be secured until the investigation with Mizuki is over."
"And what if that takes a long time?"
"Then it takes a long time," Kakashi said seriously, and made sure Iruka was looking at him as he spoke. "It's nice, taking care of someone. Everyone usually does it with me, because I'm a disaster, as you know. But you need help again, and I don't want to sit back and watch you suffer."
Iruka gripped his thighs, hard. Was this what Kakashi had meant? How he spoke the first thing that came to mind? It made Iruka frown, and it made Iruka feel conflicted. It was unfair, how easily Kakashi could get past through his defenses, whether he was saying the wrong thing or not. Iruka always reacted strongly.
"What's the job?" Iruka asked after a moment.
"I have a library," Kakashi said, "that has been in my family for more than a century now. However, in the past five years, it's been in disarray. I haven't hired anyone to take care of it in fear that they would ruin it. I don't get along with people, but I do get along with you. I trust you."
Iruka's eyebrows furrowed. This was suspiciously coincidental. "A family library? How large is it?"
"Three floors, but I think you can handle it on your own."
"What's the catch?" Iruka asked.
Kakashi smiled innocently, and Iruka would have fallen for it had he not met Naruto. "I doubt fixing the library will take you a long time, so I thought you could double up as my secretary as well. Tenzou has been complaining for years that he needs help."
"A secretary?" Iruka repeated flatly.
"Only until your get your job back at the university," Kakashi reassured him. "You won't be doing much, just following Tenzou's orders, and maybe you can even help me find more books to add to the existing collection."
"Can I think about it?"
Kakashi was surprised. "Of course you can. I didn't expect you to answer immediately. I am telling you to quit a job you just got."
"I know," Iruka muttered. "But thank you for the offer. It's kind of you to…want to take care of me." The words were heavy on his tongue, and he nearly grimaced.
Kakashi reached over and placed his hand over Iruka's. "You're welcome," he said warmly, and then started the car. "Now, let's pick up some takeout that you can bring home with you. Gai recommended this Thai place near the center of the city."
Iruka couldn't stop staring at Kakashi as he pulled out and drove around the corner. The man was crazy, Iruka was certain, yet he was sweet, almost infuriatingly so. Sometimes he didn't know what to think of Kakashi, and it was frustrating, but not to the point Iruka wanted to rid himself of Kakashi. If anything, this…made him happy. It was like falling after holding up so much weight and having someone catch you.
He was still apprehensive over all of this, and he hadn't forgotten the invasion of privacy, but Kakashi was trying so hard it was endearing. Iruka commended the effort.
"What?" Kakashi asked and raised one hand. "Is there something on my face?"
Iruka cleared his throat and scratched his cheek that felt too warm beneath his finger. "Sorry, it's nothing."
Kakashi was making him happy. This was a problem. Mizuki made him happy too, once.
Eight dogs appeared before Kakashi when he entered his home, and Kakashi wanted to drown in them.
"I love you all so much," he swore, "and when I die, you can have everything."
"Oh no," Kotetsu said, climbing down the stairs with Izumo in pursuit. "He's talking to his dogs again. What happened?"
Kakashi pressed against Bull and groaned. "I fucked up again," he spoke crassly.
"Honestly, that mouth of yours, rival," Gai scolded, coming in at the worst moment. As usual. "Does this have anything to do with Iruka-sensei?"
Pakkun impatiently pawed at Kakashi's hand and he scratched him behind the ears. "Of course it does," Kakashi replied. "You know I went to go see him today."
Izumo clicked his tongue and parted the sea of dogs to reach Kakashi. "Did you piss him off again? How many flowers does Tenzou need to buy?" He reached for his phone, Tenzou no doubt on speed dial.
"Maybe I should be the one to give him the flowers," said Kotetsu. "Use my smooth moves to convince him that Kakashi is just a giant idiot—hey! Not the face!" He dodged the chew toy just in time, much to Kakashi's chagrin. Kotetsu stuck out his tongue and dragged the skin down under his left eye.
Kakashi's lips were twisted into a snarl behind his mask. "Not fucking happening." He got up and futilely brushed the dog hair off his shirt. "If anyone is giving Iruka-san flowers, it's me."
"Oho! Is that jealousy I hear?" Izumo sniggered. "Someone's possessive."
"I am not possessive," Kakashi protested. Bisuke nipped at his ankles, and he gently nudged him away with his foot. "That makes me sound like some creep."
Gai thumped on the back. "It's alright to want to keep Iruka close to your heart! Though Kotetsu and Izumo are much more preoccupied with a sweatier passion between them"—he ignored their sputtering—"your wish to secure Iruka's affection is commendable."
"Um, okay?" Kakashi shrugged him off. It was best not to decipher that right now. "Anyway, before this gets any weirder, we should check out the library."
It took Gai and Kakashi to open the heavy wooden doors, and Kotetsu momentarily had to excuse himself at the smell of old paper and inevitable dust. Izumo placed his shirt collar over his nose and didn't look so good either.
"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Kakashi said, taking in everything. Besides the smell, everything looked to be order. Without a proper caretaker, it needed some work in the cleanliness area, but it was organized and rival even the most prestigious libraries around the city in terms of content. "I remember reading in here all the time as a kid."
Kotetsu returned just as Gai and Izumo went silent. Kakashi didn't blame them. He never voluntarily reminisced out loud, and if he did, it was in front of a grave and alone.
"This library has been watched over by my family for generations," Kakashi began, cutting the awkward silence. "My grandfather added another floor, my grandmother added a new section, my father renovated it, and now we must destroy it."
Izumo choked. "Wait what? I must have astral projected mid-sentence." He then laughed nervously. "It sounded like you just said we have to destroy the Hatake Library."
"I did say that."
Suspicious glances were exchanged between his friends. As if they were trying to decide, without words, which one would call Japan's best psychiatrist.
"Are you alright?" Gai was the first to ask.
Kakashi dug his hands into his pockets and walked forward. His socked feet hardly made a sound. "I offered Iruka-san a job," he explained with a grimace. "Without thinking, I offered the library, when I should have just given him the option of being Tenzou's assistant."
"And instead of retracting that offer, you want to destroy this library?" Kotetsu deduced. "You want to ruin your family's hard work because of some crush?"
Kakashi whirled around and glared at him. "It's not some crush. This is me trying to help someone who I've been doing nothing but fucking over."
Gai's gaze softened. "You don't owe Iruka-sensei anything, Kakashi."
"I'm supposed to be some genius." Kakashi laughed dryly. "And yet I couldn't even predict Mizuki ruining Iruka's life a second time. I should have seen it coming. Maybe I could have prevented it had I tried harder in convincing Iruka to come with me to South Korea instead of being an idiot by mentioning his domestic violence case being in Tsunade's possession."
"Not your best moment," Izumo agreed, "but you've been going above and beyond for him to like you Kakashi. You said he has a pretty comfortable job at a cafe. It should sustain him until the investigation is over."
"But he looked so miserable, and all I wanted to do was make it better," Kakashi confessed quietly. All three of them were openly staring at him, and he flinched. "I told him it was nice, taking care of him, and it's the truth. It's not like the way we treat each other. Everything about Iruka is different, and I want to hold onto that."
Izumo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "This better be worth it, Kakashi. If your grandfather haunts me in my sleep tonight, I'm posting that picture of you sleeping in the bathtub after the New Year's party."
Kakashi cringed. "Let's not get hasty…"
"My initial judgement had been incorrect," Gai piped in, after falling silent. Kakashi knew an apology when he heard one. "I am glad that you have taken the mantle of being Iruka-sensei's guiding light. Misfortune seems to be his shadow these days, but please do not think you are responsible for it."
"What he said." Kotetsu folded his arms and exhaled. "You can't prevent everything, nor can you save Iruka-sensei from everything either. Take baby steps. We'll help you mess up the library." He held up a hand when Kakashi smiled. "However, if we feel like you're doing too much, you have to stop when we say so. It's great you have a new friend—we just don't want this to get out of hand."
"Have I ever told you I love you guys?" Kakashi said lightly, and then blanched at Kotetsu's evil eye.
"Not enough," Izumo grumbled.
"Promise, Kakashi," Kotetsu insisted.
Kakashi held up his hands in surrender. "Yes, yes. I promise."
There was an inexplicable weight surrounding the four of them as they removed each book from their proper shelves and placed them somewhere else. The oldest novels and stored scrolls were handled with care, deposited in random corners to make it seem like the last caretaker had left their work unfinished.
Kakashi left some books where they should be, in hopes not to rouse suspicion in Iruka, and Kotetsu shrieked when he accidentally walked into a cobweb.
"Try to avoid the other ones," Kakashi advised, holding in a snort. "It adds to the atmosphere of 'old and abandoned.'"
"Maybe if Iruka-sensei is afraid of spiders, you can use the excuse of killing them to spend time with him," Kotetsu snarked as Izumo picked the webbing out of his hair.
Kakashi perked up. "Hey, that doesn't sound like a bad idea."
"Are you sure this isn't a crush?" Kotetsu asked incredulously. "Sometimes you sound just as bad as Asuma when it comes to Kurenai."
"I don't—" he turned to Gai, who looked ready to burst into manly tears of pride. "Do I really?"
Izumo made a disgusted face as he wiped his hands on his jeans. "You walked out of the car in the middle of traffic to go see him because you missed him. Yeah, I'm surprised you're not dating yet."
Kakashi felt his cheeks grow warm and conveniently found one of the first Japanese translations of The Great Gatsby to stick his nose in for added protection. He was often dragged into social outings that included Asuma and Kurenai, and he remembered often joining Izumo in teasing Asuma every time he couldn't keep his hands off Kurenai in some way. Kakashi could recall how his thumb gently caressed the back of Kurenai's hand and the way Asuma pressed their foreheads together just before they parted ways for the night.
And suddenly he could imagine himself doing that with Iruka.
It was almost too easy. Frighteningly so. It was almost as if it made sense.
Every time his heart leaped when Iruka genuinely smiled at him, Kakashi wanted to hate himself a little more. It was absolutely ridiculously when he would wake up in South Korea and the thought of returning to Japan made him grin a sleepy grin because it meant he'd be able to see Iruka.
The hardcover book only missed Kakashi's toes by a sliver.
"We barely know each other," Kakashi said weakly, curling his hands into tight fists. How many times had he used this argument? How many times would he have to repeat himself? "We've spoken sporadically, and it's usually full of arguments."
Gai smiled and gave him a thumbs up. "Then use this opportunity to fulfill what you wanted when you took him up to the rooftop garden."
The gesture that was meant to comfort incited such strong emotions in Kakashi that something came bubbling up in his chest, threatening to gush out, and he struggled to push it down. He let his eyelids shut. It took a Kakashi a while, but he replied eventually. "I don't want to mess this up. I've already ruined everything else in my life."
"You won't," Kotetsu said, and Kakashi almost believed him.
