A/N: Special thanks to my kind and brilliant husband for making sure this chapter is technically correct. (Why yes, last year I married the man who's eager to take credit for my absence here.)
If we ever go down with a plane, my husband better survive it with us.
You are all so lovely. Thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate having you here.
: :
Coconut Trees
by Anton M.
Chapter 12: Featherlight
: :
"We found your suitcase, too," Elizabeth said. Darcy's eyes were shut, and he didn't react to the news. "Do you have extra medicine in there?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Do you want to add some layers?"
Elizabeth got up, placing his packing cubes on the seat next to him, and he assessed their contents before unzipping three of them and taking out an undershirt, a long-sleeved T-shirt, two button-ups and a warm-looking, wool cardigan.
"I know I should only add layers," he said before clearing his throat. "But I think I've sweat through my clothes several times over. Do you mind if I change out of the stuff I'm wearing?"
"Not at all."
He stood up, pressing his thumb against his eyebrow, grimacing, no doubt suffering a headache. He took off his scarf and his coat, Anna's son's polyester sweater and Elizabeth's gift to her mom. Elizabeth didn't want Darcy to be cold for too long and helped him unbutton his white dress shirt. Darcy watched her in silence, eyes half-hooded and glassy yet full of so much emotion she didn't dare look back at him. She felt vulnerable in his gaze. She'd barely unbuttoned his shirt when she slid it off his arms and he tore off his undershirt. His skin was hot and damp, and vapour rose from his body. It was quite a sight.
He was just as attractive as he'd been two years ago, pale skin, firm muscles and wide shoulders, and Elizabeth tried so hard not to ogle she caught Kitty blushing furiously as the girl tore away her eyes. Lydia, too, gaped, and Samuel almost managed a smile at Elizabeth.
He shivered as he dried his skin with a small towel from her carry-on. It was only when she helped dry his back that she allowed herself to properly look at his body, and there it was – silver plates and black leather.
He was wearing her bracelet.
Elizabeth felt her insides somersault as she gaped, openly, floored by the discovery. He'd tightened it around his left forearm, on the same arm where his watch was, and she wanted to take hold of his elbow and see it closer.
He behaved no different, too exhausted or sick to notice her attention as he pulled on an undershirt and a long-sleeved shirt, but its outline was undeniable. He was unaware that anything had happened while Elizabeth felt like the world had changed. Darcy was either so used to wearing it that it had become almost a part of him – it did not even occur to him that he had anything to hide (or show) – or, it was just a bracelet he loved, and there was nothing to it more than that.
But knowing him, knowing the man Darcy was and had been, Elizabeth suddenly felt like he'd always carried a piece of her with him, and her renewed hope soared, so unexpected and indisputable that she knew she had to talk to Darcy before nightfall. Too much needed doing in the light of day to do it immediately, but for the first time since they met again, she allowed herself to feel not just the affection she'd been desperate to suppress, but hope and love, featherlight, undeniable, and this time, she locked eyes with Darcy as she helped button up his shirts. His fingers faltered and mouth fell open.
Elizabeth, having finished buttoning up his shirt, slid her palm down his chest. His muscles flexed, his jaw tightened, and when she kissed the corner of his lips, he stared at hers with hungry, desperate eyes.
"You're looking at me like –"
He closed his eyes, almost in pain, and Elizabeth realised something so obvious she felt stupid for not having thought of it before – it was possible that he was just as terrified that she'd moved on as she was.
Together, they buttoned up the second dress shirt before he pulled on his own cardigan, his coat, and his scarf on top. He'd taken out new underwear and pyjamas (for layering under his pants), and Elizabeth turned as he changed his bottom half under his knee-length coat, facing away from people.
It felt absurd, but the lavatory didn't have enough room and the cabin space was so small there wasn't much to be done about privacy.
Elizabeth couldn't wait to change her own inner layers.
He handed her his packing cubes before she put them away, and vapour rose from the shirts they set on the backrest of the seats. He wrapped her in his coat, not saying anything, just holding her, and she breathed in his scent. To her, he smelled like the memories they'd shared – the air after a summer thunderstorm, the bonfire they'd been to, the time they'd walked from West Brompton to Whitechapel. It was comfort and warmth, and he took her breath away.
"Better?"
"I'd die for a hot shower," he whispered, the ever-present rumble echoing in his chest. "But yes. Better."
He squeezed her before letting her go.
Sam watched them walk closer, and he looked at Elizabeth as Darcy sat down beside him.
"You are one lucky lady, Elizabeth."
She dearly, deeply hoped so.
"I know," she replied instead, squeezing Darcy's knee. She unzipped the bag that held all the medicine while Darcy took Sam's pulse.
"¡Mierda!" Sam said when he saw Darcy's glassy eyes. "You look worse than I do, and I lost my leg."
Darcy did not have the energy to smile, but Elizabeth distracted Sam with small-talk as Darcy observed the place where Sam's knee was cut off. It was wrapped in cotton cloth, soaked with blood.
"You're lucky it's cold here," Darcy said. "Infection will spread slower. Are you dizzy?"
"Yes."
"How much pain are you in?"
"On a scale from one to ten? A six, maybe. It is sordo – what's that? – ah, dull. Dull and constant but I can manage. I've had worse pain when I lost most of the skin on my thigh as a teenager."
"You were probably in shock and unconscious through the worst of it. Have you stood up yet?"
"No."
"Be careful when you do. Blood will rush to your thigh when you move. You may be better off being carried to the lavatory than walking there."
Sam hesitated. "I can still feel it. If I don't look, I can feel my leg."
Darcy shut his eyes, pressing his thumb against his eyebrow as he fought his headache. "I know it can feel jarring and you will not like my words, but that's completely normal. You may feel this for years."
"Can I – should we tighten the, the… cinturón?"
"No," Darcy replied, taking his cues from the context. "Don't touch the belt. It may not be perfect but it's good enough. You will almost certainly pass out if we mess with it at this point, and your guess is as good as mine about how much more blood you could lose without…"
"Dying?"
"Yes."
Darcy took a breath, coughing into his scarf and struggling to focus, but he asked more questions before he was satisfied with Sam's answers. Darcy swayed as he stood up, and Elizabeth took hold of his elbow before she wrapped her arm around his waist and guided him back to where he'd slept.
"I still need to check on the others."
"I don't care," she replied. She knew her words were selfish, but she refused to be rescued without Darcy by her side. "You will rest."
In no position to argue, Darcy lay down. Elizabeth sat in front of his stomach, tucking in his blankets and running her palm along his side. Kitty and Anna brought her a few extra layers to cover Darcy with, and together they added the layers on top of him. His chest rumbled, and the vapour of his breath fogged the metal plate under the armrest. Elizabeth felt helpless. She'd managed to keep it together the past few days, but she was reaching the end of her rope with the rumble in his chest. She'd prepared for everything except the potential death of the love of her life. He had to make it. She refused to accept any other outcome.
When Darcy fell asleep, Elizabeth pressed a long, warm kiss on his cheek, and made sure his hat and scarf covered his skin. She was scared to leave him, but there was too much to do.
As always, Elizabeth took photos of the cabin, but this time, after she was done, she pressed her camera against her chest and walked up to Sam.
"I can't tell you how much I don't want to give you this one," she said. "But if it's the last thing that helps us get out of here, I'll take out the memory card and let you have it."
Sam assessed the electronics people had gathered by his side. He had a dozen dead laptops and two galley boxes full of electronics. They'd collected all dead cell phones, electric toothbrushes, five cameras, a gaming console, a camcorder, an ancient-looking data logger and numerous smaller devices. All needed to be seen by Sam to determine their usefulness, but it was the screwdriver they'd found with a box of detachable heads that had brought tears in his eyes. It was almost too good to be true.
"Keep it," Sam said, quietly, motioning for her to lean closer. His face crumpled in pain but he did not cry as he locked eyes with her. "If we – if I do not succeed, and we don't make it, I'd like the world to see what we saw."
Maybe it was the lack of food or the worry overwhelming her, but Elizabeth felt her throat tighten.
"Thank you," she whispered.
Sam paused. "I will need some help, later. Can you gather a few people who could help me? Maybe three-four? Not more than that."
"Of course."
Elizabeth rejoiced in the extra clothes (and shoes) they'd discovered, now more than enough for everyone. Most people added layers over or under their own clothes. They sorted the extra clothes by size and piled up the suitcases they'd looked through. Quite a bit of fiction was found: the Crusades Trilogy by Jan Guillou, Der Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse in German, Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, Serious Men by Manu Joseph, Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons, the third Harry Potter book in Spanish and the sixth and seventh in English. Eight other books were found in alphabets or languages nobody could read.
In addition, a pile was created for nonfiction by Rebecca Skloot, Yuval Noah Harari, Bill Bryson, Michelle Zauner and Jenny Odell, but the books didn't find quite as much enthusiasm among most survivors as fiction did.
Arguments rose over who got which books, and Elizabeth observed their passion in silence. She'd always had a fantasy of being the type of person who read a lot, the kind who made snobbish comments at dinners about this-and-that latest book by a recent Pulitzer Prize winner, blowing everyone away with her sophistication and perspective. It may have been rooted in her desire to be approved of, to be admired and seen as smart. But Elizabeth was not that person. She loved listening to audiobooks, but often the kind that took her far away from her everyday struggles – the kind that were not written by Nobel laureates in Literature.
"Which one do you want, Elizabeth?" Mary asked. "You haven't said a word."
Elizabeth tried to keep sadness out of her smile. "I'm quite okay, thank you."
"I'll share with her!" Kitty said, coming to her rescue. "I hope I get Harry Potter!"
The argument over Harry Potter was so intense that they ripped off little pieces of paper from a book nobody understood and those interested drew names from a hat. Fatemeh won the sixth book and Lei the seventh. Kitty sighed.
"I'll be happy to read it aloud if you want," Fatemeh said.
"No," Kitty said, sadly. "I'd like to read myself."
"Do you want me to switch books with you?"
"That's okay."
All books found a new home, and Kitty made a face when she got Cold Comfort Farm.
Elizabeth pulled her by her side. "Don't look quite so gloomy. I've heard it's a great book."
"You've read it?"
"No, but I've seen the movie. It's lovely. I think you'll enjoy it."
Kitty perked up somewhat, and when Fatemeh, in all seriousness, offered to switch books with her, Kitty shook her head.
Half a suitcase had been filled with finance books about advanced trading, and Charlotte was so disappointed and bored when Anna kept giving them to her that she swore she'd burn those first if they made a fire.
Including the galley box with sweets, three boxes were filled with food. Chocolate, three bags of chips, pretzels, gummy bears, cookies, and miscellaneous Chinese snacks were stored. A shift to guard the galley was agreed upon at all times. If rationed properly, they could now hopefully survive for more than two weeks – but of course, everyone hoped to be rescued before that.
Fatemeh and Mary, two strong women, helped Dame Catherine use the lavatory, and when they'd guided her back to her new corner and joined the others by the aisle with most of the survivors (and suitcases), Fatemeh and Mary shared an amused glance.
"What?" Charlotte asked.
Fatemeh smiled, leaning closer as she whispered, "There's just very few things in life that can disillusion you to a celebrity better than having to hear them fart while they pee."
The crowd burst into laughter.
"What are you talking about over there?" Dame Catherine shouted in a voice they were all beginning to have an aversion to.
"Mary almost slipped and it was funny!" Kitty covered for them, winking before she leaned forward, lowering her voice. "Do we have any sleeping pills? She's so whiny I'd like to get some peace from her."
"Kitty," Mary admonished, but nobody disagreed. Dame Catherine was desperate to talk, which would've been perfectly fine had she not only enjoyed talking about her importance and her career. They took shifts, listening to her, and their initial excitement about having a famous actress with them had worn off quickly.
"Can you believe the Dame Catherine is in a plane crash with us?" Lydia asked.
"Unfortunately," Kitty replied. "I used to think she was so funny and wholesome but now I think she needs a sock in her mouth."
Even Mary couldn't help but laugh at such a simple offence.
"What are you saying now?" Dame Catherine asked.
"Kitty made a joke!" Orri replied.
"I want to hear it!"
The groan that escaped them was so in sync it was like they agreed on it.
They piled up the rest of the suitcases in front of the plane, careful not to get them too snowy, and organised themselves into groups. Given the improved weather, everyone was eager to go outside and explore the area, but because Sam needed three or four helping hands, Elizabeth, Roger, Lei and Yong agreed to stay behind with Darcy, Dame Catherine, Li and Sam. Even so, they all watched the view from the plane with fascination as Roger pulled the lever and the world appeared.
They squinted from the blinding light of the snow. The blizzard had stopped and the wind blew gentler, but the sky was overcast. They'd landed on a relatively flat mountainside. A forest could be seen not too far from the plane, and there was a small cliff-like mountainside, only a few metres high, where the plane's front would've been. It was beautiful and quiet, even serene. The environment no longer felt hostile, even though it very much was.
The group in the plane shut the door again not to let wind in. Now all too aware of their environment, they went to the other side of the plane to check the view from the windows, and they could see untouched evergreen forests on low mountains and a few clearings. It was quite an awe-inspiring sight.
Elizabeth checked on Darcy. She held her palm against his ear on top of his hat and listened to his breathing, full of rumble when he exhaled. For all her worry, she was glad that he'd fallen asleep.
Lei, Yong, Roger and Elizabeth surrounded Sam in a semi-circle by the aisle they'd emptied for the electronics. Sam gave the individual electronic devices for Yong to set in a row on the floor so that Sam had an overview of them.
"So none of you know anything about what we have to do?"
They shook their heads, and Sam squeezed his (healthy) thigh, grimacing before he begun to talk.
"The smartphone contents are useless," he said. "They're small, digital and use… altas frecuencias, what is that… high frequencies, yes. You can only take a guess at the function of all the ICs and chips inside. High frequencies mean better quality but bad range. But the batteries might come in handy. How many do we have?"
"Twenty eight," Lei replied.
"Good. Now pay attention because if I don't wake up in the morning you will have to continue this yourselves."
Lei, Roger and Elizabeth stared at him with wide eyes, but what really terrified Elizabeth was that he might've been correct. Sam glanced at the tarp in front of the plane, taking a slow breath. Even now, his hands were trembling from blood loss, and he got exhausted easily. They had to take this slow, for his sake. Frequent breaks would be necessary.
"As I said, we do not want high frequency. That includes FM. What we want is AM, lower frequency and, and – la radio de onda corta, uh, short waves to increase the range. That means frequencies between 3 and 30 MHz. We will sacrifice quality but we could, in theory, reach the entire world with it. To do that we need to create a shortwave – what is that… transmitter, yes, and build an antenna for it, which needs to match the frequency we want to transmit. The circuiteria needs to amplify the signal so that the signal reaches further. Are you with me?"
"Barely," Roger said.
"There is a relation between the length of the antenna and the frequency, which is calculated lambda by two. The length of the total wire is half of the, the, longitud de onda. Wavelength, yes."
"Just as lost as I was before," Roger said. Lei and Elizabeth smiled.
"If the frequency we want to reach is 30 MHz, then the wavelength needs to be 10 meters, and antenna needs to be 5 meters. Does that make more sense?"
"That sounds scary big."
"It's the length of the coil or the metal, and we can wrap the coil around itself. It does not need to reach 5 meters into the sky. Otherwise all shortwave radios would need their own room."
"How do we get something that long?" Lei asked.
Sam flicked his fingers against the wall behind his back. "The airplane walls will almost certainly have long wires. We could wrench it open. Another option would be to try to use the remaining wing or the roof of the plane as an antenna, or even see if one already exists. If so, we still need to make a transmitter and connect it to the antenna, but it would lessen our workload just a little bit."
Sam tasked Elizabeth with taking photos of the top of the plane.
Snow made it incredibly bright outside, and the fluffy snowdrift below the door had been trampled on and snow had been added to fill the dip in the terrain. Elizabeth could hear laughter in the distance where the others were gathering branches and dried pieces of wood. Ignoring them for now, she took the photos Sam asked for before returning to the plane. Sam assessed the pictures, zooming in on the vertical stabilizer. He sighed.
"I cannot tell," he said. "It doesn't always stick out. We might need to send someone up there to confirm."
"Should we do it now?" Roger asked.
"No," Sam replied. "Antenna is the easy part. The difficult part is finding resistors, transistors and all the other little components that are crucial to our success, so first, we need to take apart some of the electronics we have here to hopefully find some of that."
They sat, taking apart electronics and sorting the components for nearly an hour before Sam exhausted himself. Elizabeth and Roger were eager to join the others outside, at least for a bit, and so they left Lei and Yong to unscrew a camcorder while Sam drank some freezing water and shut his eyes. Elizabeth checked on Darcy – he was breathing heavily but still asleep, and with a heavy heart, Elizabeth joined Roger as they pulled the lever and opened the door.
A red-faced Kitty returned to the plane. It was a beautiful, almost eerie calmness that surrounded them after she had shut the door behind herself.
Untouched forests covered low mountains, not a road in sight, and Elizabeth and Roger walked over to the others by the nearest forest. They were carrying branches and wood to the slightly higher mountaintop near the plane. Not much of the wood they'd gathered was dry, but if they did get a fire going, the damp branches might've actually created a stronger smoke signal.
A curved piece of the plane stuck to the small cliff, covered by a snowdrift on one side, and they could see the outline of a few bodies inside. Snow dipped where the plane had likely fallen and landed, but most of the middle or the front of the plane was nowhere to be seen. It had either fallen off the mountainside and been covered in snow or turned into such small pieces of debris that the snow covered evidence of it.
They found three frozen suitcases, buried in snow, as they created a shortcut from the plane to the top of the mountain, and Orri lifted them next to the door to be taken inside later. A search for more suitcases followed, but in vain. No other suitcases were found.
The camaraderie felt lighter than on the previous day, and Charlotte, although not able to help much, started a few songs that everyone else joined, more off-key than not. It was quite a mood change, lighter, happier, and full of hope.
"Do you think a fire would help us when it's this overcast?" Roger asked Elizabeth.
"Maybe not with discovery but certainly with melting snow. We're starting to run low on water."
Roger looked at her as if evaluating her, and Elizabeth did not falter under his gaze. "How is it that you're almost the only one who hasn't lost their mind in some way in this?"
"I don't think I am. I think everyone's been quite amazing."
"Most of us have panicked or cried ourselves to sleep. You, on the other hand… I see you settling squabbles and helping out and giving such reasonable input it's like you prepared for this. I can't explain it."
"I did, in a way." Elizabeth motioned for them to walk back to the plane to get empty galley boxes. "I'm glad you never witnessed my school years because academically… I'm a failure. But people? People are easy."
As they tapped the plane side (for Kitty to open the door) and got the galley boxes, Elizabeth explained her history with the game she'd played with her father for so many years.
"What about you?" she asked.
"Oh I can't handle people's emotions and problems the way you do."
"I think you're selling yourself short, and you haven't complained once about rations. Outside of myself and Darcy, you might be the only one."
Roger gave her a tight-lipped smile. "I grew up… quite poor. It was not uncommon that we had to go without. I'm the oldest of five siblings, and we grew up with a single mom. It is not in my nature to complain about the inevitable."
Elizabeth learned that he was in the middle of a divorce from his wife of twenty eight years, had two sons, and it was quite a wonder to get to know not just Roger but Charlotte and the others. Everyone was relieved to finally be outside of the little box they were cooped up in, and most of them shared little stories of their lives, nostalgic moments with their siblings, what their parents did for a living, what they missed the most. The air was full of nostalgia and hope.
Mary and Fatemeh brought books on advanced trading as well as miscellaneous inflammable (but worthless) items from the plane. Anna had the matches. They made a small, dry pile of the most inflammable items they'd found, and fit them carefully under a pile of branches and rotten pieces of wood. They wasted two matches trying to light the fire, but a careful, small flame rose on the third try. Everyone held their breaths, watching, waiting, adding pages from the books until a smoky fire rose upward, not enormous but big enough to put galley boxes full of clean snow on the sides of it. Finally, they had a source of warmth, and they formed a circle around the fire to get warm. Elizabeth watched all the faces, rosy cheeks and happy smiles, breaths creating vapour as they talked. Laughter surrounded her, and she dearly wished she could've shared the moment with Darcy. Jokes were shared. Laughter lingered in the air.
Suddenly, she realised why the atmosphere felt so cosy and frictionless. She counted William, Charlotte, Orri, Anna, Mary, Kitty, Fatemeh, Roger and herself around the fire – nine people.
"Where's Wickham and Lydia?"
Alert faces looked around, and indeed, they were nowhere to be found.
"Did they come outside?" Elizabeth asked. "Were they with you, here?"
"They were definitely here at first," Mary said.
Elizabeth got an uncomfortable knot in her stomach and ran back to the plane before she beat the side of it twice. Lei opened it, looking calm and a little bit annoyed.
"Are Wickham and Lydia inside?"
"Nope," he replied. "Haven't seen them since they went outside."
Elizabeth let out a breath, relieved and anxious all at once. "Thanks, Lei. You can close the door again."
"Are they missing?"
"We'll find them. They're probably not far."
Elizabeth returned to the fire. Orri and Charlotte agreed to keep an eye on it as the rest of them walked to the edge of the forest, hoping to track footsteps, but they'd trampled the snow enough for tracks to be virtually untraceable. The side of the forest had a snow-free trail due to the direction of the wind, and if they'd used it to walk away, no tracks could be detected for a few kilometres. But wouldn't they have seen them, then?
They shouted, yelled and whistled, but heard nothing back.
"Did they say anything to anyone?" Elizabeth asked.
"No," Mary replied. "But I did see them hunched together here."
"Were they dressed warm?"
"Warm enough, I guess. Like us."
There was not much to be done without putting more people in possible danger.
"Maybe the smoke will attract them back if they're lost," William said, possibly the first sensible thing he'd said in two days.
"You're right," Elizabeth replied in spite of fearing that their leaving was more reckless and intentional than that. "I hope it does."
William's watch confirmed lunchtime, and everyone outside was eager to enjoy their small share of snacks around the warmth of the fire. Orri and Charlotte gave out two pretzels, five gummy bears and two white rabbit candies for lunch, and Elizabeth walked to the plane to ensure that Darcy would eat and take his medicine.
Lei opened the door to her tapping and Elizabeth shut it behind her. In comparison to the world outside, the cabin felt slightly warmer if only by a few degrees, but the air was not as fresh. It felt damp. Dame Catherine had, thankfully, fallen asleep, and Sam was dozing off as well. Li was reading and watching over the galley while Lei and Yong sat in front of the plane, hunched over the electronics they were dismantling.
Darcy sat by a window in a different place from their usual spot on the central seats. He stiffened when Elizabeth sat beside him and took hold of his elbow.
"Hey," she whispered. "How're you feeling?"
He turned his head and she almost jumped from the difference in his gaze. His eyes were glassy, just like before, but he looked desperately, utterly miserable, his eyes drinking in her face, watching her lips before flickering from her one eye to another. It was the most intense expression she'd seen him wear and yet it felt like he wasn't even in his body.
"What happened?"
He tore away his eyes. "Nothing."
"Did you eat?"
"I did."
"Did you take your medicine?"
"I did."
"But then… you look like you've seen a ghost."
He closed his eyes, his expression crumbling, and let out a shaky breath.
"Don't concern yourself with it," he whispered in a voice that felt eerie. "I'll be okay."
At a loss, Elizabeth stood up, and she was about to ask more when her eyes landed on her handbag, just across the aisle, and his see-through bottle of pills. It was nothing out of the ordinary, except for one detail, and she stood up to take the bottle in her hand to confirm her finding. Darcy stood up.
"What the fuck is this?" she asked, sounding a bit too high-pitched for her comfort.
"What?"
"Your medicine. Why do I see half a pill in it?" Elizabeth took a step closer, her eyes full of fire. "Are you tapering your medicine?"
"Why do you care?"
Elizabeth blanched. "What do you mean, why do I care?!"
"I know about your boyfriend," Darcy whispered, locking eyes with her for the briefest of moments before his face twisted. His eyes were full of heartbreak but his voice, gentle and quiet, did not accuse her of wrongdoing. "I know about Jack."
"What?!"
Darcy swallowed, lifting his arm before he reconsidered and lowered it, his eyes locked on her shoulder. His mouth quivered before he pressed his lips together.
"I know what it's like to lose you," he continued, voice full of pain. "I know you cannot be replaced. I don't want the man you love to go through that. I want you to keep the extra medicine, for later, in case you need it. You are – all that matters." His face was vulnerable, full of pain and repressed emotion. He took a slow, quiet, shaky breath, and inhaled sharply. "I did not deserve you, then. I will learn to be happy for you, even if you never loved me. It's only fair, I did nothing to deserve it."
"Darcy…"
"Of course I knew you would move on but nothing – nothing – quite prepared me for this." Finally, he locked eyes with her, and the heartbreak in his eyes nearly brought her to her knees. "Thank you for sparing my heart and not telling me sooner. It was kind of you. I promise I will keep you warm so that you can return to him. You are – all that matters."
"Darcy." Elizabeth, unable to handle his pain, took a step closer to him. Darcy shut his eyes.
"Don't feel too bad for me, I deserve this pain for all the pain I caused you when – when – we were still –" His emotions did not allow him to continue.
Elizabeth took hold of his upper arms, pulling him closer. He grimaced.
"Don't feel sorry for me," he pleaded. "Whatever else you feel, I don't want your sympathy."
"Open your eyes, Darcy," Elizabeth whispered, barely able to keep her voice from quivering.
He did as she asked, but he avoided her eyes so as to hide the simmer in his. It took all her efforts to focus on the words she wanted to tell him rather than the emotions overwhelming her.
"Who is Jack?"
She tried smiling, but her mouth quivered. She felt a sense of deja vu as it was the second time Darcy had gone off on her with a man's name she'd never heard of.
"What?"
"Who the fuck is Jack?" Elizabeth repeated.
"Kitty told me –"
"Kitty clearly has a funny idea of getting us together because I do not know anyone by that name."
Darcy stiffened. Still overwhelmed by emotions, he blinked, not saying a word until he whispered, "You are –?"
"Well, I was single up until my ex-boyfriend declared that he is ready to die of pneumonia in the frigid fucking tundra so that I might, might have a few extra antibiotics for a big if that may never –"
Darcy crashed into her, pulling her against him as he kissed her. Elizabeth, in shock, took hold of the scarf behind his neck. Tears wet their cheeks, and she didn't know if they were from her or him. His lips felt soft and oh-so-warm against hers as he demanded her warmth and her love, and she sunk into his kiss. He tasted like pretzels and a love lost and found, and she squeezed him as close to her body as she could, half-afraid he'd disappear. His two-day scruff brushed against her skin, sending tingles down her spine. She'd missed him, just like this, tasting his mouth as he held her against his body, filling her and lifting her with a longing and love she couldn't put into words.
He was panting when he pulled back from the kiss, holding her close when he breathed against the corner of her mouth. She felt wild affection fill her chest and burst into flames.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, breathing heavily. "I'm so sorry. That was stupid."
Her stomach twisted. "What?"
"Some pneumonias are contagious."
Elizabeth was so full of disbelief and wonder that she did not care a whit. "We'll get rescued before that could happen," she said, putting more confidence in her voice than what might've been justified quite yet. She pressed her lips once more against Darcy's, but he didn't open his mouth, and she could see the struggle in his eyes.
"We can't –"
"Okay," she whispered. She kept her lips centimetres from his, enjoying his proximity, and when his intense, amazed eyes locked on her mouth, she felt almost more precious in his arms than when they'd kissed.
"So there's no Jack?" he said, confirming, amazed and in disbelief.
Elizabeth laughed.
"There's no Jack," she replied softly. His lips brushed against her cheek as he smiled.
He sat down, pulling her in his lap like nothing had been more natural – like she was a part of him. He unbuttoned his coat and wrapped her in it. Elizabeth snuggled as close to his body as she could. His breaths were heavy and rumbling, his eyes glassy, and yet when he tucked hair behind her ears under her hat, his eyes held so much affection in them she didn't know how she deserved to be looked at with such amazement.
Darcy smiled, a tired but true smile that reached his eyes, and Elizabeth grinned back, bursting with hope and worry.
He tucked her head under his chin and pressed a kiss on top of her hat. "After everything I did… you're still here."
His warm breath blew against her cold cheek when he leaned closer, giving her goosebumps, and it took everything in her not to kiss him again. She brushed her mitten-clad knuckles against his shoulder, bathing in his affection, smiling. He cleared his throat before he lowered his head and brushed his lips against her ear, his voice trembling as he spoke.
"Is there even the slightest chance you'd give me a second chance after everything that transpired between us?"
: :
