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Coconut Trees
by Anton M.

Chapter 13: Second Chances

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Darcy's breath warmed her skin, and Elizabeth felt his vulnerability, as he so rarely revealed it, just as she felt her power. She tilted her head back, shifting, running her mitten-clad fingers over his jaw as she locked eyes with him. He looked mildly terrified, sick but alert, and Elizabeth tried to brush away the frown on his face.

"Do you think a woman exists in the world who would say no to that?"

She smiled, biting her lip almost in mischief, and Darcy let out a sharp breath, squeezing her against him. They wore layers upon layers of clothes, and yet she'd never felt closer to him.

"But what about the only one who matters?" he whispered. "What does she think?"

Elizabeth felt the most powerful urge to kiss his troubles away, but she refrained for his sake more than her own. Nevertheless, she kissed the corner of his lips and lingered, just a bit.

"Yes," she replied.

He slid his palms to her neck, searching her eyes, as if too scared to believe her. "Yes?"

"Yes," she repeated, letting out a small laugh, and Darcy wrapped her up in his arms so tightly she was amazed she'd ever felt cold. He was so warm.

"Elizabeth," he replied, reverence in his tone. She could've lived and died in his gaze, it was so full of emotion. "One day, I would like to…" He hesitated, taking a sharp breath, fighting with himself. "...earn your love."

"Why do you think you haven't?"

"That night we – that night, you said everything but that, and it was all I wanted to hear. I believe I would've… at least heard you out, had you said it. But I didn't deserve your love, and I convinced myself that, maybe you never did."

"Love you?"

She only realised that her words, the first time she said them, came out as a question when Darcy froze, staring at her lips and then at her eyes, his own full of passion and desperation, willing her to deny her words. Elizabeth touched her nose against his.

"I do, you know," she whispered, cherishing the way he looked at her. "I love you."

Darcy kissed her, holding her, squeezing her, tasting her lips and lingering against her face. She held his jaw, incredulous of their intimacy. She'd never dared to hope that she could be in his arms again, like this, and feel so much hope for them.

"Say it again." His eyes were full of wonder. "Please."

Elizabeth smiled, closing her eyes as she touched the side of his nose with hers, enjoying his warm breath on her cheek, his coat around her and chest against hers. She brushed her lips against the corner of his, lingering. "I love you."

He squeezed her closer, holding her tight, and his kiss was soft and slow and reverent. He held his lips against hers, smiling, holding still as if memorising the moment, and Elizabeth was scared of ruining it but more terrified that she'd never get the conversation going if she didn't approach the topic now, however inconvenient.

"But… I'm also scared."

"Why?" he asked, his voice hoarse but soft. He traced little patterns up and down her back, and she adored the tenderness in his eyes.

"I'm worried that I cannot be who you want me to be."

"Do you not believe me when I say that I want you as you are, just as you are?"

Elizabeth leaned her forehead against his temple and lingered against his cheek. "I do," she replied. "But I think I need to see it."

"I can't fault you for that." Darcy brushed his knuckles against her face. "I will shout it from the rooftops if I must."

"That's sweet but it's not what I want," she replied. "I'd much rather you start by not being ashamed to introduce me to people."

"Elizabeth," he whispered, pain in his voice. "I have never been ashamed of introducing you to anyone."

"But you would've been, had I dropped out while we were dating."

"You're right," he admitted. "I cannot deny that I would've struggled to admit that you'd dropped out of college, but I am not that man anymore. I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes, but if you can only give me the chance to show you, that's all I need. I have a lot to make up for."

"As do I."

"You have nothing to make up for."

"We both know that's not true."

Her smile was self-deprecating. Over time, she had learned to take responsibility for her share in their breakup – and it was a bigger share than she had first realised. Her inability to trust Darcy with her struggles and doubts about her possible learning disability was almost certainly the nail in the coffin in their break-up. Had she shared her worries with him, Darcy would've caught little details in the messages sent from her phone – the complete lack of spelling mistakes and the verbose, essay-like writing. Even with a deepfake, Darcy would've realised something was amiss in the story, and they could've figured out the rest, together.

Unfortunately, a part of her had always thought she couldn't keep the interest of a man like Darcy, even if he thought he loved her, and that part had given up on them the night they broke up. Her desire to drop out of college and their class difference had stuck in the back of her mind, and the part of her that was shaped by her parents felt (even with his flaws) wholly undeserving of his love.

"I think we'll both need to sort through some things to – move forward."

"As long as you're next to me," he replied, softly.

Elizabeth pressed her lips against his, briefly, lovingly.

"For now, you better take the other half of the pill."

Darcy let out a small laugh, but it turned into such violent coughing that Elizabeth stood up from his lap, scared of the near-wheezing sound his breathing made.

"I'm so sorry." He squeezed her hand, trying to calm down, taking deep, wheezing breaths, his eyes torn and locked on hers. He held her hand. "I want to – listen, and hold you, and –"

"It's okay," Elizabeth replied, softly. "You're sick. You have nothing to apologise for, and we have time."

Hoping that she was right, she helped him take his medicine, making sure he swallowed it and drank water, but he refused to lie down. He held her hand against his chest, looking at her like she might vanish.

His tender eyes followed her lips before he started coughing. He finally agreed to lie down, and Elizabeth trailed her palm along his side for a few minutes. He did not fall asleep this time, but she pressed a kiss against his cheek and adjusted his blankets before she stood up.

"Try to rest. There's a lot to handle, but I'll check up on you every once in a while."

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