Title:Sedatephobia
Summary:what happens when one unlucky teen gets stuck with his worst fear with minimal help? Well, chaos ensues! Camp cretaceous sedatephobia!Kenji au!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, own camp cretaceous. If I did, benji and brooklyn x Darius would be canon already and there would be dirty jokes and curse words scattered around.
!Trigger warning!:abuse, panic attacks, and depressed/slightly suicidal thoughts.
Small note:this isn't a very… well made… fanfic, but, it's still something. I did it expect anything better. But I did expect worse… also, this prompt literally kept me from sleeping the previous night before finishing this… I have some issues… welp, at least this is done!
Kenji sighed, it was once again night time, and he once again could not sleep for the life of him. He dreaded what would come in a few hours. Almost all the dinosaurs would finally go to sleep, and he would be left in.. silence…
What's so bad about it you ask? Well, he had a fear of silence! And he often had panic attacks when in silence! Due to his slightly traumatic past at his mansion!
He honestly felt bad for the kids that wanted to be him… they didn't know what truly happened in that mansion… sure, he had everything a kid his age would want!
… right..?
Incorrect! His real mother died long ago, in the middle of the night, having a SILENT heart attack!
And his father was always distant! Always working QUIETLY! so he never really had a father in the first place…
Oh! And his step-"mother" always left him alone unless she needed him for something! If she didn't need him, she gave him the SILENT treatment!
He sighed, dragging a hand across his face. This was going to be one heck of a night. He sat up with a grunt and got out of bed, being careful not to wake the others. He quietly climbed down and snuck past a sleepy yaz who had taken watch that night.
He had found a secret way to get in and out of the treehouse's ground area recently so he could sneak out more easily.
God forbid one of the other campers see him having a panic attack. It would ruin his reputation as the "cool guy" who "doesn't get scared". Imagine them finding out WHY he had a panic attack! The humiliation!
He made a secret vow to NEVER let ANYONE know he had a fear of silence. And, unfortunately, "slight" insomnia.
Don't blame him for not wanting to get kidnapped for ransom money after learning about it in the past!
He had watched a video on youtube and learned about those incidents. Yikes.
Now it was the dinos that kept him awake…
He continued absentmindedly walking along the usual route he took to a beach, where the waves could usually calm him enough to at least breathe properly and think straight. (Hah, never REALLY gonna happen, after all, he WAS bi for a reason )
He gave a sigh of relief as he finally reached his destination. Dang, it sure was a long walk from the treehouse.
He listened to the quiet crashing out the waves against the shore line and stared at them while sitting cross-legged, (also known as "criss, cross, apple sauce!") still listening to the waves, the gradually quieting jungle of jurassic world.
A loud, big, scary dinosaur would really be appreciated right now.
No?
Alright, fine…
He continued to listen, the panic slowly making itself known again as the jungle became almost completely quiet, and his breath started to quicken, and his hands started to shake. Before he knew it, his legs were tucked to his chest and he was letting out choked sobs while still listening to the waves crashing into the shore. Nothing calmed him… so… he tried breathing evenly with a technique he saw a professional therapist post somewhere…
One Mississippi deep inhale, exaggerated exhale
Two Mississippi deep inhale, exaggerated exhale
Three Mississippi deep inhale , exaggerated exhale
Four Mississippi deep inhale, quick exhale
He started to lose control of his breathing again due to messing up with the technique. Why did he have to be so USELESS!? So much of a DISAPPOINTMENT!? So freaking HEARTLESS!? HE DIDN'T HAVE IT THAT BAD! HE SHOULD BE FINE WITH SILENCE!
HIS DAD MAY HAVE HIT HIM TILL BE HAD A FEW BRUISES, THEN LEFT HIM IN SILENCE-
HIS MOM MAY HAVE DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK IN HER SLEEP-
HIS STEP-MOTHER MAY HAVE ALWAYS LEFT HIM IN COMPLETE AND TOTAL SILENCE AS A PUNISHMENT FOR THINGS HE DID-
BUT THAT WAS NO FREAKING REASON TO BE AFRAID OF SILENCE!
His breathing was extremely fast, and his increasingly negative thoughts did him no good. He knew that… but… it was just so EASY to blame and beat up HIMSELF! Did he even have a reason to live anymore..? He failed Ben… he wasn't wanted by his family… the other campers just saw him as some spoiled rich kid… no one really liked him for him… he didn't matter to anyone… he wasn't helpful at all… he should just end it now… he- he-
No.
He needed to stop thinking like that.
NOW.
He pulled himself together as much as he currently could and started humming gently to himself, trying to add to the noise and distract himself enough that he wouldn't make much noise - as to not wake any dino possibly nearby - but he would still be able to calm down.
He looked up at the sky to see it getting slightly lighter…
Had his insomnia really gotten that bad..?
Man…
He REALLY needed help… and soon… but… no one would believe him. He's just some stupid rich kid, right?
He began to calm down more as the island woke up around him and he soon got up and hurried back to camp, but unfortunately all the others had already woken up, so when he got there…
He was met with five extremely worried faces staring at him while he walked into the middle of the ground area.. or… the… sorta middle.
"Soooo- what are you guys doing..?"
"KENJI! WHERE WERE YOU!" Ben angrily stomped towards Kenji, and Kenji took an involuntary step back out of pure muscle-memory from the mansion before recovering his act and bringing up a blank face.
"I went out for a walk? Y'know, the early bird gets the worm… soo... I decided to see what the worm was on this island. And it was a beautiful view of the sunrise. You should take a look at it sometime." Everyone else watched nervously as Ben took a deep breath… they just hoped it wasn't what they thought was coming that was actually coming…
But, to everyone's surprise, even Kenji's, Ben simply stared into Kenji's eyes and Kenji stared back.
The two held their locked eye contact for who knows how long… but eventually, Ben's gaze shifted downwards ever so slightly, and Kenji SWORE he saw Ben's pupils narrow ever so slightly.
"Liar…" was all Ben whispered before he grabbed the collar of Kenji's worn shirt and pulled him to eye level with himself
"LIAR! I'm not an Idiot! I can see the signs of insomnia! And you have them! BAD. If you don't fess up, I will personally wait beside your bed every night until you fall asleep."
Everyone watched as Kenji just made a small, choked, squeak-like noise that also sounded a lot like 'what?'
Ben let go of the collar of Kenji's shirt, and Kenji stumbled backwards a few steps, before quickly recovering and straightening (SUREEEE ) up and frowning at Ben
"You sure you aren't just paranoid? Because, I'm NOT an insomniac, thank you very much." Kenji looked down at Ben again to see him glaring up at him with full force… if looks could kill… he 0would've dropped dead already.
He gave a nervous chuckle "ok… maybe just a LITTLE…" he gave a nervous smile and Ben sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Kenji continued with his nervous smile.
Huh.
One of the few smiles that he had ever made that were genuine…
He shook his thoughts away when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist. He looked down to see Ben holding onto his wrist, and before he knew it he was stumbling after Ben while trying to pull his hand away.
He felt frustration boil up inside him as ben continued to drag him along, closer to the ladder up to the treehouse. Kenji took a quick breath before he screamed...
"LET ME GO!" Everyone but the two stared at the scene with wide eyes, while Ben just glared back atKenji.
And for Kenji, this was all too familiar… in a very, very bad way…
!Trigger warning ahead! Read at your own risk!
"Dad! LET ME GO!" his father simply glared back at him, continuing to drag him through the mansion, staying completely SILENT, and Kenji knew what that meant…
His father threw him into his room and soon he felt his father slap him, but he was grateful it was only slapping…
Before his father started punching him…
Kenji suddenly stopped in his tracks, and started hyperventilating. He wasn't looking anywhere, anywhere but downwards, at himself.
Everyone could tell that something had triggered him…
Wait…
When Ben glared at him…
They soon connected the dots and tried shaking Kenji out of it, but to no avail.
All he could register was searing pain and even more pain coming, the blows came as a mix between slaps and punches, that he knew, but he couldn't decipher which from which anymore...
He had just turned eleven…
He had just made his father something…
And he had blown any chance of spending quality time with his father by interrupting an online meeting!
More tears were spilling from the poor boy's eyes than thought possible. Soon his father left him, lying curled up in a ball, SILENTLY crying, covered in bruises in his QUIET room…
!Trigger warning over!
Kenji came back to reality to find that he had somehow sat down and pulled his knees to his chest with his head buried in them, and his friends shaking him and calling his name.
He…
He…
Did he matter that much to them..?
He started to calm himself down by listening to all the noise around him. Noise had always helped him. And luckily there was a lot of it around…
Everyone noticed when Kenji's breathing started to calm down, and they all quieted down, and, in return, Kenji's hands started to shake.
Someone put a hand on his shoulder.
Oh no…
That was the exact LAST thing he needed right now…
His breathing started to quicken again, usually, knowing someone was there made him feel better, but, with what caused his panic attack… not so much.
They all started to get panicked and whoever put their hand on my shoulder took it off, and he was grateful for that.
He started counting to himself and tried to breathe along with the counting…
One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
Three Mississippi
Four Mississippi
Five Mississippi
SixMississip-
His breathing suddenly skyrocketed again, as well as his panic and heart beat.
He…
He just…
He just needed to breathe properly! It's not that hard! Why did he have to be such a FAILURE!?
Suddenly Kenji's world went dark…
[POV switch to everyone else]
Everyone went silent when Kenji's body went limp. Darius was the first to react and quickly started trying to shake their friend awake. He knew that Kenji had simply passed out. After all, he had a panic attack.
He had gone to summer camp one year, and his bunk mate ended up being prone to panic attacks. That was where he learned about them and how they worked…
it was a very unfortunate thing to happen… but… it just does… and it just did, to one of his best friends, right in front of his eyes
"We should get him to his bunk. There's nothing we can do but wait." Everyone looked at him with worried faces, and they all SILENTLY asked him a question… what was that?
He gave a regretful and sad frown "a panic attack… I can only guess something happened like he was with Ben a few minutes ago in the past… and it had to have been traumatic."
No one asked anymore questions, they just helped Darius get Kenji up the treehouse and lay him down…
But there was a SILENT agreement between the five of them to know exactly what happened to Kenji...
A/n:I hope you enjoyed it! As of current this is only supposed to be a one-shot, but if I get enough positive response I'll probably make this an entire series/book. Maybe even a series of one-shots.
