You either love a person, or you don't but the most terrifying thing is, you can feel both at the same time.
~ Anonymous
This wasn't supposed to happen. She had three months to prepare herself before she would finally see him after years but finding him, here of all places, came as a big blow. Her mind was a mess, she could feel her vision blurring as she kept spacing out. Why was this happening? Wasn't she already over him? Wasn't seeing him again at the party the deal? Why was he here? Why was she here?
Maya slightly shook Dawn, a concerned look on her face. "Miss Berlitz, are you okay?"
Dawn blinked and realized that her heart was racing and she was breathing heavily. She slightly looked up and her gaze caught Maya, who looked very concerned.
"I am okay," Dawn breathed out, her eyes going around the room to catch the culprit who had put her into this state. She felt a wave of relief wash over her once she saw he wasn't there in the room anymore and all she could see was family of the patients sitting silently in chairs.
"Should I get you an appointment?" Maya asked again, her hand on Dawn's back. "This hasn't happened before. What if-"
Dawn shook her head, straightening herself up to get back her lost composure,"Maya, I am fine. Lets go to my Mom's room."
The scene was replaying back in her mind. He was here, wearing a white coat and a stethoscope around his neck as he was talking to a nurse. She knew it had to be him even though all she saw was his back and his face a little when he turned.
She would recognise him in a instant, even if the room was full of people and her vision was blurry. It had always been like this. Whether it was a curse or not, she didn't know.
She slowly pushed the door open, her eyes landing on her mother who was on the hospital bed, accompanied by a doctor taking some notes.
"Is everything okay?" Dawn asked as soon as the doctor looked up to see who had entered the room.
"Everything is perfect." The doctor said, eyeing the test results. "Mrs Berlitz, the routine checkups are done. You can go back home with your daughter once you change."
Dawn thanked the doctor and Maya went to where Johanna was, giving her a hand.
"You didn't have to come, Dawn," Johanna said, getting up with a smile,"I am fine, Maya. I am not that old yet." Maya just smiled at the older woman and shook her head in amusement, still helping her as she handed Johanna her glasses.
"I want to be here," Dawn said, taking a seat on the chair,"I'll wait. Do you need anything?"
"Not exactly. Although I am quite hungry. Maya, how about you book us a table?" Johanna spoke up, going to the bathroom.
"Sure Mam."
"Book a table for 4," Johanna said again before disappearing into the bathroom.
Dawn raised her eyebrows. Table for four? When there were only three people in the room? Who could be the fourth one?
Her questions were soon answered when she heard the door unlocking and a woman she hadn't seen in ages walk in.
"Oh my!" The brown haired woman exclaimed on seeing Dawn,"Dawn! You have grown so much!"
Dawn got up from her seat, her mind running blank. What was Delia doing here? There was no malice or ill intent behind Delia's words and she was honestly surprised to see the young girl. Flabbergasted, Dawn bowed a little,"Oh? I- Hey-Nice seeing you, Mrs Ketchum." Delia must have noticed how she mixed up her words.
Delia waved her hand, giving her a smile,"Relax okay. You don't have to be so awkward."
Dawn nodded. How could she not feel awkward? She was in the presence of her ex's mother. Everything about the situation screamed awkward.
She was saved from furthur embarrassment as her mother walked in, fully dressed. "Delia! You're back!"
"Well I promised I would be back, didn't I?" Delia chuckled. Then turning to Maya, she asked,"You are the new assistant?"
Maya nodded. "Yes. I joined the company 3 years ago."
"So its been three years since you quit, huh Delia?" Johanna said, surprised,"Time sure flies."
Delia smiled,"Well, Ash didn't let me work after he got affiliated to this hospital. All I do nowadays is stay at home with his Dad."
Dawn knew it. She knew it had to be Ash she saw earlier. "Are you okay?" She asked Delia, a little concerned,"I mean you're at the hospital and-"
"Oh I'm fine!" Delia laughed,"I came here to visit an old friend and saw Johanna at the entrance then stopped by to chat for a while."
"Okay," Dawn said, her mind replaying what Delia said before. Ash worked here. So he really did become a doctor, not that she didn't believe in him.
And she didn't know why she felt a sudden fondness overwhelm her.
"Come on Delia, lets go and chat over lunch! We have so much to talk about!" Johanna tugged on Delia's sleeves.
"I met Ash a while ago and he said would have his break in a while. I am sorry but he wants to have lunch with me and-"
Dawn could feel something in her break. So Ash didn't want Delia to have any link with Her or Her family anymore and she understood. God she understood. If she had been in his place, maybe she would've done the same too.
"Is it because of my daughter?" Johanna asked, her earlier cheerful tone replaced with a certain sadness that Dawn couldn't put her finger on. She was 23 now, for god's sake and still caused trouble for her mother. Was this how it would continue for the rest of their lives?
"Huh?" Delia was surprised then her mouth widened in shock,"No! No! He doesn't even know I came across you two! He hardly comes home and invited me to lunch so I didn't want to turn him town."
"Then invite him to have lunch with us," Dawn spoke up. "I mean, if he doesn't mind."
Dawn could feel her heart beating like a drum. A little more and it would surely jump out of her chest. Delia was looking at her like she had grown another head and Johanna.. Dawn didn't want to look at her mother's expression.
"Oh?" Delia composed herself,"I will call and ask him if its okay."
Dawn nodded. She didn't want to do it but she did it anyway. She wanted to know if it was killing him as it was killing her. She wanted to know if all these intrusive thoughts came only to him or visited him too.
She knew she shouldn't feel like this but she wanted him to suffer too.
It was a crappy thing to wish for but Dawn knew she was too far gone to pray.
If he declines, well, it would finally give her the answer she wanted for so long. It would prove that he had not actually let the past go.
But if he agrees to have lunch with her..them, would it mean that he was really okay with everything now? That he had left the past in the past?
She didn't know which answer was worse. Dawn watched as Delia walked into the room, her stoic face giving Dawn the chills. Was she always this bad at reading someone's emotions? Her heart just wouldn't stop beating wildly in anticipation.
"He said he will come."
From the moment that he walked in into the restaurant and made his way towards them, Dawn knew that her iron heart was going to melt. She would end up reminiscing everything and try to subdue the lingering attachment she felt with alcohol and cry herself to sleep. Or maybe she would end up bursting like a dam and flood everything around her in her tears. There was nothing to cry about but her heart wouldn't stop feeling heavy whenever he was mentioned.
Maybe she was feeling this way because it was the first time they saw each other since their breakup 5 years ago. She was watching his every move, the way his hair (a lot neater than his teen days) swayed with every step he took, the way his eyes was scanning the crowd for them, the surprised face when he finally saw them and the little curve of his lips when he found her staring at her. His smile didn't change at all. He always smiled with his whole face, his lips would curve upwards, cheeks fold up and eyes would squint a little. The only thing that changed about him was his height. He must have gotten taller in the past years and put on some healthy weight too.
A sudden heavy feeling made its way into her heart again. Why was she comparing him to his teenage years? He is a different person now, isn't he? Time changes everything. He must have changed in the years they weren't together.
Yet she kept clinging on to his past self.
Maybe it was because he was so kind to her back then, even when she was being unreasonable. Or maybe because he was whatever she couldn't be. Expressive. Warm. Radiant. Strong.
She took a deep breath, trying to control her overdramatic heart. Ever since she began hanging out with Ray (no matter for how llittle time it was), she began using overdramatic terms to signify her mood. He was very expressive in his songwriting and Dawn subconsciously picked up a thing or two from him. Ray would absolutely lose his mind if she tells him this though.
"Hey Mrs Berlitz. Hey Mom," Ash said as he pulled a chair to get seated beside Delia. His eyes landed on Dawn and he paused for a second. "Hello Dawn. Hey- umm. Sorry, I don't recognise you.."
"Maya," The brunette said extending her hand to shake his. Dawn was glad that Maya was the one sitting infront of Ash and he wasn't directly infront of herself.
"How's everything Ash?" Johanna asked, a little concerned. Dawn kept saying she was fine before but she knew her daughter. Her daughter was anything but fine.
"Good," He straightened his back a little. "I didn't know you were there at the hospital, otherwise I could have come to visit you."
"Oh its fine," Johanna waved it off. "Delia says, you're never home. So, I am guessing you got a place here?"
"Rented a flat because going to and fro from Viridian to Pallet is tiring," Ash said his eyes never going towards Dawn.
"That's nice," Johanna hummed,"I keep telling Dawn to find a place here but she refuses. At the end of the day, she gets so tired from all the work and journey."
Dawn could feel her cheeks burning. "Mom, it is fine."
"Mrs Berlitz is right, Miss Dawn," Maya spoke up,"You stay late at office a lot of times. As a mother, she would be worried."
"Don't rat me out to my Mom, Maya," Dawn passed her a betrayed look.
Maya gave her an apologetic smile,"I promised Mrs Berlitz that I will take care of you. You're hell-bent on making me break that promise though."
"Maya." Dawn warned. What the hell was everyone doing? Ratting out her information to Ash like this?
Dawn caught Ash staring at her and she looked away, tucking her hair behind her ears. If he wasn't going to initiate a conversation, she wouldn't either.
"So Dawn," Delia chirped in,"Are you going to attend Leaf's wedding?"
Dawn nodded, looking up from her phone. "Yeah. She and Gary dropped by a week ago to invite me. There's no harm in attending."
"That's nice," Ash spoke up, looking at her in the eye for the first time. Dawn felt waves of nostalgia hitting her as she clutched her shirt, feeling her heartbeat rising. "They were scared you would skip."
"It is Leaf's special day," Dawn answered, trying to calm herself down, running her finger around the water glass's edge,"I don't want to ruin it by not attending."
"She will be happy," Ash said, then thanked the waitress who gave him the menu. Dawn didn't miss the small wink the waitress gave him and the way he smiled back at her. Then turning to face Dawn again, he asked,"How are you?"
How was she? Dawn asked herself this question everyday for the past 5 years. How was she? "Fine, I guess," She drifted back to the menu in her left hand,"How are you?"
"Good, actually," he closed the menu and set it on the table. "So you and Ray from Midnight Sun are together, huh?"
Dawn perked up on hearing that name. Ray. Shit. Wasn't she supposed to be sad that she broke up with him just a week ago?
Why was she so preoccupied with her that ex boyfriend she broke up with in highschool that she couldn't focus on something that was important now?
"Ah," Dawn paused. Her Mom knew. Maya knew. Ray's bandmates knew. So what was the point in acting like it was a secret? The whole world will know sooner or later too. They will definitely know when Ray hooks up with another fan and she is no where near him. What a crappy way to announce to the world that two people aren't together anymore. The world was even crappier because gossips was all it cared about. "We broke up few days ago. It wasn't working out."
She could feel his piercing gaze on her. Why on earth did she even think inviting him was a good idea?
"Why?"
"Ash!" Delia scolded her grown up son, staring intensely at Ash,"Be a little more considerate, you idiot. You can't ask things like these out of the blue."
"It is totally fine, Delia," Dawn tried to ease up the situation and turned her attention to Ash,"He has his world tour lining up. I am busy with work. We couldn't make time for each other. That's what happened."
"So long distance didn't work out for you. Again."
His comment took her by surprise and she slightly nodded. There was a long silence after that and Dawn really couldn't take it anymore. "What about you? Are you dating anyone?"
Ash shrugged, his lips pressed in a thin line,"Had a girlfriend in college. Broke up within a month and then began dating another one. It lasted for about two years but then she got employed at Celadon so broke it up too. Not dating anyone at this moment."
Dawn bit her lip, trying her best to hide her frown. How dare he? She just asked him if he was dating anyone and he had the nerve to go and tell her about his girlfriends after her. She could feel her blood boiling on hearing those stories. That's what he wanted to do right? Rub it on her face that the university life she had spend doing her best to improve her skills as a business woman, he was having fun with his girlfriends. "So long distance didn't work out for you either." In response, Ash just shrugged.
A part of her was boiling with insurmountable rage.
Yet another part of her was glad that he was a scum. Just like her.
This way she wouldn't feel guilty about dragging him here anymore.
No wonder they complimented each other so well before.
"You'll find a nice girl, don't worry," Dawn passed him a smile meant for professional meetings. A fake, well practised and deceptive smile.
"Yeah, not worried about that honestly." He returned a fake smile of his own. Oh how much Dawn wanted to scratch that grin off his face.
Scum. He was a scum of the highest kind.
"Miss Berlitz, do you want some coffee?" Maya asked as soon as Dawn took her first step inside her office. Dawn took off her coat and hanged it on the chair's backrest and sat down, a frown on her face.
"Maya, yes. A cup of coffee. Please," she looked up, her eyes burning. Maya nodded and scurried off.
What was she thinking? What the hell was she actually thinking? Inviting an ex to have lunch? Talking to him about ex partners?
How the hell was any of these normal? What was she so hell-bent on making her own life miserable?
He wanted to show off that he was happy even though she wasn't in his life anymore and Dawn had to admit, he did a good enough job at that. No wonder he accepted the lunch invitation. She was a scum for sending him that invitation. He was another scum for accepting it.
"The handsome Doctor," Maya said, placing the coffee infront of Dawn,"kept stealing glances at you, Miss Berlitz."
Dawn rolled her eyes, leaning back in her seat. "Of course he was. He was toying with me."
Maya wanted to facepalm so hard. "No? I mean," She searched for words that would less offend her Boss. "He kept stealing glances as in would look whenever you weren't looking. He would-"
"I know what stealing glances mean,Maya," Dawn took up the coffee cup and took a sip. The hot liquid burned her tongue and she winced. Wow. Today really wasn't her day.
"But he kept a tab on you, didn't he?" Maya asked and she knew she had hit a sore spot when Dawn visibly winced. "I mean, you and Ray, its recent news. He is obviously keeping tabs on you."
As she thought about it, Dawn realised what Maya said was right. He was a busy man. He rarely got time to himself so he shouldn't have the time to keep a tab on her or other general affairs happening around the world. So did it mean he was going out of his way to know about her? Why? Why would he do this now? After so many years why would he still look out for her?
"There's some history, isn't there? Between you and the doctor, I mean." Maya asked and for the first time since Dawn knew Maya, she wanted to absolutely sew her secretary's mouth shut.
"I don't pay you for gossiping, Miss Nath." Dawn put the coffee down and locked eyes with the shocked girl. "I hate people who gossips."
Maya could feel a chill run down her spine and the hair on her arms stood up under the piercing, unforgiving gaze of the blue eyed girl. Dawn could be absolutely terrifying sometimes but she was never at the receiving end of it. Having experienced it in person made her wish that she hadn't brought up the topic in the first place. There was a fine line which seperated Dawn's mood swings. And at the moment, Dawn could demolish anyone without even lifting a finger.
"Sorry!" She mumbled out and went back to her seat, not wanting to anger her Boss anymore.
Today really wasn't her day. She stayed late because she couldn't concentrate on her work after lunch and sent Shane home because it was almost 10 pm. And now, when she was finally out of the office, it began to rain.
The most logical way would be to hop into her car and drive home but she really didn't want to drive for an hour in this rain.
"Should I call an uber for you, Mam?" The security guard spoke up on watching the girl standing infront of the gate, looking at the passing traffic.
"No." Dawn gave him a smile. "I am going to crash into a hotel though. Can't drive in this heavy rain."
"Sure Mam."
"I am leaving. Be safe."
Dawn hopped into her car and reached for the steering wheel. Putting the key into the socket, she stepped on the accelerator and started her car. She was about to pull out of the driveway when she heard her phone ring.
"Yes Mom?"
"Its 10pm Dawn! Where are you?"
Dawn sighed, turning the engine off. "It's raining here Mom. And I can see flashes of lightning too. Gonna crash into a hotel."
"Call me as soon as you check in."
"Sure."
Dawn put down her phone in her lap and put on her seatbelt. Then slowly she stepped on the gas and drove out. The nearest hotel was a few blocks away and Dawn took the way which she was the most comfortable with.
Stopping at the redlight, she glanced out, her eyes landing on the man standing beneath the shade of the coffee shop and she internally screamed.
Today really wasn't her lucky day.
She had to make a choice, she knew. Maybe she should do it for old times sake. Oh fuck it. How much worse could this day actually get? Sighing, she undid her seatbelt then pulled down her window on the opposite side, scooted over a little and screamed,"Ash, get in here." Her eyes locked with the man and after a second, he broke into a run and dashed to her car.
"Sorry!" He said as he seated himself,"Gosh your seats are getting wet. Sorry!" Dawn put on her seatbelt and drove off.
"Where do you live?" She asked him and took out her handkerchief from her pocket and passed it over without even looking at him.
He gladly took it and wiped his face and his hands, thanking her again.
"Its fine. Where do you live?" She repeated herself again.
"The Viridian Apartments."
"I don't know the way," Dawn took a glance and then went back to focusing on the road.
"Take a left from Hotel Elite, go straight for a while and then turn left again. It's near there."
"Okay." Hotel Elite. It was a nice hotel and she could surely crash there. She could feel her stomach grumble and mentally decided to order some food as soon as she checks in.
"Do you always work this late?" He asked her, trying to make a small talk.
She shook her head, not sparing a glance at him. The road was really unclear and hazy due to the rain and she didn't want to get distracted by him. "Got a lot of work today otherwise I always leave at 5. What about you?"
"I was out having dinner and got stuck."
Dawn glanced at him and saw that he wasn't in the same shirt and pants he was in during the day. So he must have gone home, changed and went out for dinner.
"Oh hell," Dawn slammed the breaks at another traffic light and slightly looked at him. "You don't cook for yourself?"
"Nah," Ash hummed in reply,"Its tiring and too much work."
"Eating out everyday is going to ruin your health, Doctor."
She heard his laugh and for a moment, she felt like she was back in highschool. No matter what she wanted to believe, she knew she wasn't in highschool anymore. She wasn't a teenager and they weren't together either. Thinking like that wouldn't lead to anything.
Daydreaming is dangerous.
"I know," Ash said, his voice beaming with laughter,"Ah, you can drop me there, near that car. I can run the remaining distance."
"Sure." This was it. She would finally get some peace and wouldn't have to see his face before the wedding. She can finally sort out all these mixed emotions she was feeling and get a grip on herself. No more unexpected suprises.
"Wanna come up for some coffee?"
Dawn stared at him blankly. What had gotten into him? She was waiting for him to get out and realised he was waiting for her answer.
"No. I have to go. It is really late."
"Text me when you reach home then?"
Dawn really didn't want to know what was going on inside his head. Did she want to know? She didn't know that either. "I changed my phone and lost all my contacts. So.."
"Then tell me your number," Ash said with a grin,"We can catch up on lost time." How could someone's smile be devilish and angelic at the same time?
Maybe he actually didn't care anymore. Like he was really okay with everything and her presence didn't bother him like it was bothering her. He had put past in the past and was moving on with his life now.
"It's 916***," Dawn said and watched him typing it intently on his phone,"Goodnight Ash."
Ash nodded,"Goodnight Dawn. Take care."
As Dawn watched him run inside the building in the pouring rain, she couldn't help but think what would have happened if she had accepted that coffee invitation.
.
.
Okaaaay. Their first meeting after years. I know you guys have a lot of questions in your mind but be patient. Everything will be out soon. :) I just want to say that I read your reviews for the first chapter and yep, that was the reaction I was hoping for. I am evil, aren't I? Anyway, thanks to all you guys for reading this :) and don't you worry, its not going to be a love triangle.
What did you think about Dawn's little monologues?! I absolutely love it because that's how I think sometimes. Most of Dawn's character in this story is based on a mixture of me and my bestie and let me tell you, I absolutely loved working on this chapter.
Ash's character is slightly based on one of my exes and one of my closest friend XD (not the same person bdw)
And "prionty", I don't post on wattapad because the most I'm gonna do is post the same stories I posted here, over there. Repeating same stories on different platforms is kinda .. idk.. stupid in my opinion.
There's gonna be a new chapter every two weeks, I mean, I'll try my best to make it that way. :D
Leave your thoughts! See you guys next time!
