You'll never know how to make it on your own
And you'll never show weakness for letting go
I guess it's still hard if the seed's sown
But do you really want to be alone?
~ Over Again, 1D
"For goodness sake Olivia, please shut up," Dawn groaned, resting her head on the backrest of her car.
"I can imagine that she didn't shut up all night," Shane added, holding back his grin.
"Yes!" Dawn groaned again when the brown cat in the carrier kept meowing with all its might. "She slept for around 2 hours and began shouting again. I didn't sleep for more than 30 mins!" Turning to the screaming cat, she let out a groan again,"We are going to meet Loki! Happy now!"
Shane let out a chuckle at the young woman's irritation. He knew she got angry at small things and blew up. The fact that she was there, with the subject of her discomfort, was making him even more amused. Trying to soothe her irritation, he put on her favourite music, getting a small thank you from her. Dawn leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes as she tried to tune out the noise and focus on the music.
The initial excitement she had when she brought her home was now replaced with frustration. If that stupid Ash had agreed to give me both of them, this wouldn't have happened!
Dawn let out a sigh again. Last night had been so irritating and tiring that she hadn't realised she agreed to meet him.
At his house.
Alone.
Well Olivia and Loki were going to be around but still… she shrugged off the thoughts. Nope. It was just something that had to be done. It was just something that she hadn't imagined she would be doing.
She hadn't planned out what she was going to do once she met him. Would she just leave Oli with him and Loki? Well he did say Gary was going to come take care of Loki while he was at the hospital so it was highly possible that she wouldn't even have to see his face the whole day.
That would be perfect.
"I am going to drop you off at the Apartments and I will wait in the parking lot." Shane said as he parked infront of the Viridian Apartments. "Take your time, little Miss. I don't mind waiting."
"Okay. I won't take long," Dawn quietly got out of the car, holding her purse and phone in one hand and the pet carrier in another.
She was so grateful that Shane was someone she could trust. He was the one who was always available whenever she needed someone to drive her to places. Whenever she used to go on walks with Ash, he would wait patiently in the car and keep an eye out for her. For her, he wasn't just an employee. He was one of her most trusted acquaintances.
Not now. Don't think about the past now. She straightened herself up and took a deep breath.
Apartment A904.
She repeated it to herself again and again. Okay. She would just greet him, drop Olivia there, say thanks and leave. Then pick up Olivia again around 5. Done. No need for small talk. No scope for small talk.
If she could, she would just walk away and pretend like she wasn't here. But the screaming cat in her arms was making it really hard to leave. She couldn't even leave even though her mind was screaming at her to do it.
She took in a deep breath and let out a sigh.
It's just stupid Ash with his cat. Nothing to be anxious about. He'll leave in a moment if he hasn't already left, so there's that.
As soon as she rang the doorbell, she could hear another cat start screaming from inside followed by a man's voice screaming something. Her eyes flickered to Oli and the kitten began sniffing air.
"New place huh?" Dawn asked the cat, swooning at the adorable expression. Long gone was the irritation she felt. Now all she could see was her big eyes and small teeth and adorable paws.
The sound of the door lock coming undone made Dawn stand up straight again and she mentally praised herself for actually standing there, in front of his house.
"Oh hey!" Ash greeted her, the white cat struggling to free himself from his grip,"Come in. Gotta close the door before he makes a run for it."
"Okay!" Dawn stepped in and Ash closed the door behind her. Standing in the hallway, waiting for his next move, she took the liberty to look around his room.
It looked.. normal. Weirdly normal.
"Your place is nice," Dawn said and he signalled her to follow him inside. Loki, who was struggling to free himself from Ash's clutches, let out a frustrated meow and Dawn couldn't help but imagine how cute it would have been if she could take both of them home.
"Thank you," He put the cat down who immediately began circling around the carrier Dawn was holding. "You can let Olivia free. They must be excited to meet each other."
Dawn put the carrier down and slowly opened the door. The cat was a little skeptical but within moments she was out and sniffing around.
"Looks like she finally calmed down," Ash said, laughing,"I'll try feeding Loki a little. This guy didn't eat anything since morning. "
Dawn nodded, taking in the sights of the house. She sat down on the couch, keeping her things on the coffee table. She noticed a cup of coffee lying on the table and turned to Ash,"When are you leaving for work?"
"I actually don't have to go to the hospital today," He was back with a bowl containing some wet food and placed it infront of the cats. Olivia began circling the bowl and Loki sniffed it a little before digging in. The other cat followed suit. "I had to leave for an emergency call around 11 last night and I was there till the sun came out so they gave me today off. "
"Wow," Dawn was surprised,"Where was Loki when you were at work?"
"He was just sleeping. Just ignored me when I walked out. I was supposed to come back in a couple of hours but it took longer than I expected," Ash let out a sigh,"When I came back, the plate was clean so I guess he ate his share."
"So, you're.. gonna be here the whole day?"
"Yep. Where would I be except in my own house?"
"Good point. Well I should leave soon. Shane must be waiting for me."
"Come on," Ash groaned a little,"This is the first time you came here. You're not leaving without a cup of tea."
"It's really unnecessary, " Dawn tried to wiggle her way out of the offer,"You must be tired and need sleep. Sorry for dumping the cats on you." She knew that tone and nope, she wasn't going to let him succeed.
"It is fine," Ash waved it off, giving her a innocent smile,"But you're not leaving until I make you a cup of tea. My cooking has improved a lot since the last time."
"The last time when you put double the amount of chili flakes than it was mentioned and nearly burnt my tongue off? Nice. Can't wait for you to mess up again." She couldn't help but let out a small giggle at the end of her statement.
Hiding his embarrassed face behind a smile, he rubbed his nose,"Aw.. nice of you to remember that."
"That was a food from hell. Hot, spicy and burning. Not going to forget it in a lifetime," Dawn couldn't help but smile as she said that. "But yeah, a cup of tea wouldn't hurt."
"I'll be quick!" With that he ran to the kitchen and Dawn leaned back in her seat, closing her eyes. She had fun with him, she wasn't going to lie. And being with him brought back so many old memories she had hidden away that it made her heart ache.
"I am going to use your bathroom. Is that okay?" She asked, getting a loud yes from the kitchen.
Getting up, she saw Olivia running into one of the rooms, followed by Loki. "I think the cats entered your bedroom," Dawn pointed out.
"There are files on my bed! They'll tear them!"
"I can put them away in a higher place they can't reach. Is that okay?"
"Yes. Just don't let them destroy it. I'll help you as soon as I'm done with this tea."
"Okay."
A million thoughts were running through her head as she made her way into his room. Was it really okay for an ex to barge into her old boyfriend's room? Nope. No way in hell.
The first thing Dawn noticed was the big pile of open books and magazines on his bed. She slowly picked them up and put them on his desk, trying her best to not look at the lack of bedsheet on the mattress.
Her eyes flickered to some files in blue binders. HANNAH BIRCH. She ran her fingers over the name, taken aback. Why was her sister's medical file with him?!
He wasn't her doctor. No way. Was he even supposed to keep track of a file he wasn't looking over? She wrecked her brains but couldn't come up with an answer.
A part of her wanted to peek in and see what was written on it but another part of her just didn't want to look it up. Hannah was such a sweet girl and it always made her mad that they had to meet through that terrible father of theirs.
She just couldn't accept the fact that her Dad, the person she loved the most, would drop everything and go away and start new life without her and her Mom. What made her angrier was how happy he was in his new life while she and her Mom had to make peace with the fact that he wasn't coming back.
And as if destroying her childhood wasn't enough, he had to go behind her back, meet up with Ash and use him to contact her, ruining the trust and relationship she had build with him over the years. She could never, ever forget how cunning and low that was.
That memory always made her mad. A little bit sad too but the irritation she felt whenever her Dad's name came up just made her mind go nuts.
It was almost as if her Dad didn't want her to be happy.
She slowly kept the file on the desk, deciding not to open it up. It was something between a doctor and his patient. She won't stick her nose where it didn't belong. She heard a small meow and turned, finding Loki play-fighting with Olivia. The sight of them running towards each other worried her but she knew they were playing. No harm in that.
Her eyes flickered towards the bed and let in a deep breath. Why would- who sleeps like this! The fuck! She tried to shrug it off. Nope. She wasn't going to comment on this. No way in hell.
But atleast his room was cleaner than the time when they first started going out. His room was always dirty: clothes scattered everyone, study table unkept, accessories lying around. Atleast he had picked up the habit of putting things back at its place. His old room. They had some fun times there.
Her mind flickered back to the day when she was standing in his hallway, drenched and disheartened after seeing her Dad.
A small laugh escaped her lips. Time sure flies. She hated the sight of him when they first met. And then she fell for the same stupid boy who made her head hurt with all the stupidity. She loved everything about him. His stubbornness, his clumsiness, his mannerism, his patience. Everything.
But the stubbornness of his, along with her pettiness was just a recipe for disaster.
She knows that now. She thought that they would end up together, no matter what. And maybe because she thought that way, she was sure he will come back.
But he didn't.
And neither did she go back to him.
Her eyes flickered around the room and she mentally sighed. No point in dwelling about the past. His desk was clean and proper. The floor was clean. The wall posters were not as revolting as the ones he had when he was in college so why the hell was he sleeping on a bed without a bedsheet!
"The tea is brewing-woah- you look mad for some reason," Ash said as he walked in.
"I am not mad." She put down another book on the table, a little too louder than usual.
"Dawn-"
"No. Don't ask."
Ash eyed her skeptically, humming a small okay as he began cleaning up his desk as they continued to work in silence. Dawn averted her gaze from him, not wanting to initiate a conversation because she knew she would end up speaking nonsense about something trivial and they'll fight over it.
"I can't take it anymore!" Ash let out a groan,"Just tell me what is bothering you."
"It is not my place to comment so I won't."
"Seriously!" Ash eyed her in disbelief,"You're not even looking at me as you're saying that! What did I even do?"
Dawn could feel her frustration skyrocket. "Who the fuck-" she pointed at the bed,"Sleeps without a bedsheet."
"Oh? That was troubling you."
"Don't you dare-" She took in a deep breath to calm herself down,"Cool. Cool. Loki must have messed up the bed so you put the bedsheet in laundry basket, right? You just didn't get the time to make your bed."
"No actually, it wasn't bothering me so I just didn't do it. I'll do it later."
"Wh-" Dawn turned away from him, mentally trying to calm herself down. It wasn't her place to say how to run his own place. She didn't have any right over what he did or how he did it.
"Wait a second," Ash could feel the gears turning in his head,"You're bothered by my lack of bedsheet, aren't you?" Getting no answer from her, he continued to push her buttons even furthur,"I actually remember now! You like keeping things organized and proper. I actually get it now! My bed is bothering you, isn't it? Isn't it?"
"Oh my God, yes!" She threw her arms up in defeat,"Why would you even sleep in a bed like- like this!"
Ash raised an eyebrow, irritating her even furthur. "As I said, this doesn't bother me. Its fine."
"It's not fine!" Dawn let out a breath she didn't know she was holding,"Just..just put on a bedsheet! Why would you even-"
"It is totally fine, Dawn," Ash patted her shoulder,"Calm down."
The last two words were something which Dawn hated the most. Calm down. It implied she was overreacting, which maybe she was, but in her mind, all she could see was how everything would just fall back into place if he actually made his bed for once. The futile argument they were having would be solved.
"I mean, just do it? Like you don't even have to make it properly. Just throw a bedsheet on it because I can't even look at that thing," Dawn tried to voice her reasons out and when she was met with the confused gaze of Ash, she knew she was going to get even more mad.
"Come on, don't nag like my Mom. I'll do it when I do it."
Dawn nodded and turned back towards the door, hoping to just get out of the door and sit quietly in the living room, away from this mess. He was right. It was his choice to do the work and if he wanted to postpone it, so be it.
"Damn woman," Ash followed her outside,"Your OCD is still insane."
Dawn nodded absent-mindedly, sitting on the couch. Ash was right. She was nagging him even when it wasn't her place to do so. She had no right to dictate his life. She is just a passing part in his life and has no say in what he does or how he does things.
But when he said that she was nagging him like his mom, something just snapped. A part of her knew that her obsession with doing things the right way would always come to bite her in the ass but she just couldn't let it go. She was brought up in a strict environment and subconsciously, she wanted things around her to be presentable too.
Getting hung up on a small thing like this wasn't something she was planning on doing but she just couldn't help it. The unkept bed irked her beyond human comprehension.
"You want to talk about it?"
His words took her by surprise. "What?" She couldn't put her finger on what he meant by that. "Talk about what Ash?"
"The thing that is bothering you?"
"You want to talk about why I'm irritated at you?"
"Yes?"
"Recent reason: lack of bedsheet. Do you even understand how -"
Ash nodded,"See. It is fine. It is not bothering anyone. Everything would be the same no matter I make my bed or not. It's okay."
"I know that! The thing is that it just-"
"Dawn," Ash sighed,"It is okay. No one else uses my bed. I use my bed, all alone. It is not dirty or anything of that sort. It's fine."
"Everything would be solved if you just put a sheet over your mattress. Even someone like you can do it."
"I just don't get the time okay," Ash got up, walking towards the kitchen. "At the end of the day, I get too tired and can't do it. It just skips my head."
She eyed him in disbelief. "Oh who am I kidding! Just.. just hand me that cup of tea so I can drink and leave."
She watched as he disappeared into the kitchen and leaned back on the couch, closing her eyes. She couldn't help but remember how he used to brew her a cup of tea everytime she visited his dorm, which wasn't a lot of times but it was something. Going halfway around the world just to see his face, heh, she scoffed at her younger self.
But she couldn't deny that doing that made her incredibly happy. Seeing each other after weeks, just hugging and soaking in each other's presence after just staring at the screen for days, interrupting each other with kisses and hugs, every single moment she spent with him made her cherish what she had even more.
So it definitely hurt a lot when she couldn't return to her home anymore.
Ash silently passed her the cup of tea, watching her thinking deeply about something. She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her. Rolling her eyes at him, she turned away after taking her cup of tea, sipping it in silence. Well, atleast he got better at one thing.
"Can you go fetch Olivia from your room? I need to see her for the last time before I leave?"
Ash shrugged it off,"You can go and get her from my room- oh, you're still hung up on the bedsheet."
"That thing," Dawn paused to think for the correct word,"Look, you know I'm a little, I mean, a bit too obsessive. I can't ignore that because that's not the way I was brought up. I know it's a small thing but I got really irritated. Even thinking about it is making me irritated and I will keep nagging you."
"You know right," Ash let out a sigh,"Once anyone tells me to do something, I subconsciously don't want to do it, even if I was planning to do it beforehand. I will do it when I get the time, okay?"
"Cool. Your house. Your bed. Your wish." She averted her eyes,"Just go get Olivia."
"Dawn, it is not a big deal," Ash tried to reason himself again.
"If it is not, then do it!"
"I'll do it when I actually want to do it."
"What's wrong with doing it now?"
"Because you keep telling me to do it, I just don't want to."
"Yeah," Dawn rolled her eyes again,"There's that."
Ash hummed silently, watching as she sipped the tea in utter silence. She hadn't changed much. Still prideful. Hothead. Easy to annoy. Perfectionist.
And a little adorable.
"Stop staring at me," Dawn spoke up without looking at him,"It is rude."
"Okay."
"So you're not going to deny you're staring?"
Ash laughed, shaking his head. "I was just thinking about the past."
"Don't. Been there, done that. Not a good experience."
"So you do think about the past."
Dawn stared at him blankly. "Do you think I'm a snobbish, rich girl who does nothing but party around? Of course I think about...things."
"That's weirdly humane of you."
"Hey!" She let out a laugh. "I just remembered the time when you made me tea for the first time I visited your dorms. Your skills have become more ...umm...efficient."
"Aww," Ash fake gasped,"That's the nicest thing you ever said to me."
Dawn rolled her eyes, a smile forming on her lips,"Overdramatic."
"Yet true."
"How do other doctors even tolerate you? Geez," She teased him back.
"Well," He propped his right foot over his left, trying to increase his swagger,"You know everybody loves me."
"I don't."
"But you used to."
"And then I stopped."
Ash stopped for a moment before answering back,"You'll start again."
She let out a scoff,"Heh. Never."
"Never say never."
"Not ever."
"Come on," He laughed, putting his cup down and letting out a sigh,"I missed this, I mean talking and bickering with you."
She just nodded silently,"Yeah. Great to hear that."
"Okay, back to the serious topic," Ash straightened himself up,"I will make my bed as soon as I can, okay?" On seeing her raised eyebrows, he let out a laugh,"You don't believe me, do you?"
She shook her head, getting another laugh from him.
"Dawn," he said,"You're way too sincere. It is okay to let things go their way sometimes."
"I know," she nodded,"It's just ... hard to accept that I can't control everything and no matter how hard I try this nagging just slips out. I mean I have no right to tell you how to do things and still, I did."
"So you know you're irritating others?"
She passed him a weird, blank stare. "Yes."
"And you still can't control that?"
"Yes."
"Nice?"
She buried her face in her hands,"No, it's not. What's wrong with you?"
"Oh god," he couldn't help but laugh,"You're still thinking about the bedsheet."
"It's less about the bedsheet and more about how you are so strongly refusing to do it. Come on."
"Nope."
"Fuck you."
"You wish."
"Pervert."
"Says the one who invited herself to a pervs room."
She slapped her palm on her head, regretting her decision of ever coming here. What was she even thinking? She and him, together in a room, meant disaster. He was like a wild forest fire and all she could do was sit and wait for it to consume her entirely.
"I completely forgot to use your bathroom, geez," She said, getting up,"You made me so mad that I forgot I had to go to the bathroom."
"How is it my fault?" He raised his arms in defence.
"Your stupid antics are distracting."
"I'm not distracting you now, go! Pee in peace?"
A look of disbelief and disgust crossed her face. "Pee in peace? What are you? A 5 years old?"
"Dawn, stop nitpicking every small detail."
"Yes. Exactly." She got up and picked up her empty cup from the table. "I'll just leave this cup in the sink."
"You don't have to."
"Shut up."
She ignored his pleas and went to the kitchen. I won't look around. His place. His choice.
She silently put the cup in the sink, sighing at how exhausted she felt even though she had a cup of tea moments ago.
Her eyes flickered to the empty tupperwares stacked in the corner of the kitchen counter. Weird. He never puts tupperware out like this. And then it dawned on her.
Making her way to the living room, she found him scrolling aimlessly through social media. Taking a deep breath, she asked,"Those tupperwares-"
"Oh? My Mom brought me some food when she last visited."
"And you didn't even clean them?"
"Those were dry foods. Its fine."
"Oh really?"
Ash looked up and he was met with the same angry, irritated, devilish gaze he saw when he entered his bedroom. Dawn was pissed again.
"Ah, so now you're angry about the tupperwares. Great."
.
.
I had fun writing this chapter. I got "help" from a very close friend of mine and I was like, why not vent about it in a chapter.
I love making them argue about the silly things XD
See you guys soon? I hope I do XD
~ darkestlightofhope
