A/N: Sorry everyone! This took a lot longer than I wanted it to. But hey! It's a lot longer than my usual chapters. :) I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you all so much for the reviews and favorites. You guys are the best! I'd like to say a huge HUGE thank you to Sparkles of Youthfulness for agreeing to be my beta and helping me out through this. You're amazing dear!

IMPORTANT NOTE: I went back and added a whole mess of dialogue to the previous chapter. I wasn't happy with the fact that I totally copped out on that. Hope you enjoy the changes.

Chapter Six

Karina woke up with a gasp, the lingering fear from her nightmare coming back in waves when her eyes met nothing but darkness. She groped along the bedside table, reaching for the lamp and switched it on, breathing a sigh of relieve when the low light spilled over her rumpled bedspread.

Robert must have come in and turn off my lamp sometime during the night, she thought, finding it impossible to curse the penguin butler. He was always kind to her. He might have been a bit standoffish at first, but he'd gotten used to her just as she'd gotten used to him after the first two weeks.

And Robert, to his credit, did not understand her need to sleep with the light on or that she had nightmares constantly.

They'd come on and off since waking up in the hospital and being slapped in the face with being alive. And not just alive...but in physical form. The adjustment had been difficult. She'd used her mornings with Nana as a distraction from much of it, not caring to dwell on the why's and focusing on the now instead.

The why's were catching up with her though. She was struggling, being such an emotion-fraught being, at keeping them away. She knew how to get caught up in emotions, knew how to seek and thrive in comfort. When the darkness beckoned, the only thing she knew how to do was shut down or panic. She could only guess that her ability to do so was a very large part of why she was here now. Every part of her larger self had been controlled by something different, something often times stronger than Karina. Being the one in control now was terrifying and that terror had manifested itself into one nightmare after another, the vividness of each growing steadily in intensity.

Pushing hair soaked with sweat out of her face, she fell back on the pillows and closed her eyes, concentrating on getting her breathing back to normal.

She'd always hated the dark, but never more so than she did now. Not to the point that waking up in it would terrify her and cause panic to override her common sense.

Just think of something different. Something happy. Not coffins or nails or hammering.

Johnny-.

The name alone sent a warm thrill through her that chased away the chill of terror. In an attempt to eliminate it entirely, she remembered what it had felt like to be held by him and the sense of delicate security that fell over her when his arms wrapped around her. It helped, but the nightmare was relentless and clung. She curled up on her side, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest as she stared at the light.

Being human was growing progressively more difficult. And as much as she didn't want to think about it, she knew it was only a matter of time before she broke all together. She could feel the emotional pressure building, becoming more obvious. She reached for the phone, scrolling to Johnny's name and staring at the number. She wouldn't call him, wouldn't text him, but just seeing his name there and knowing it was an option was oddly comforting.

Even if he was a walking, talking gorilla with an amazing singing voice.

That argument was one she seemed to be losing, much like she was losing the race to outrun her emotions. It was almost easier to accept that this was her life now and if she wanted to keep reminding herself that someone she was starting to feel extremely attracted to was a gorilla as if that was a deal breaker, it was going to be one hell of a lonely life.

With a sigh, Karina rolled onto her back and glanced out the window. The sky was starting to lighten on the horizon. Robert would more than likely be up, starting the morning routine and brewing coffee. A cup of french pressed coffee didn't sound like a half bad idea at the moment.

She pushed the blankets back and got out of bed, throwing on a robe before she left in search of something that would help her stay awake.

As it were, there wasn't enough coffee in the world to keep her alert enough. She managed to make it through part of the morning before Nana called her out on her excessive yawning and insisted she go up to her room and take a nap. With the coffee doing next to nothing for her, Karina didn't argue. She stumbled upstairs, setting her alarm on her phone to go off with plenty of time for her to eat something and make herself presentable before Johnny showed up to get her, and was nearly asleep by the time she toppled into bed and was blessed with a dreamless sleep.

She was awoken what felt like only minutes later by a persistent buzzing and groped along the bed for her phone, her face pressed in the pillow. Lifting her head only enough to look at the screen, she frowned when she saw it was an incoming call from Johnny and not her alarm. She answered without making much of an effort to sound alert, her head still foggy with sleep. "Hello?"

"Are you...sleeping?"

"Was," she answered, pushing herself up on her elbows and yawning. "What time is it?"

"Uh, one fifteen."

Karina jerked upright and looked down at her phone, seeing that it was, indeed, a quarter past one. "Son of a...sorry! I'm so sorry! I must have forgot to turn on the sound on my alarm. I'll be right down!"

She barely registered his chuckle and response as she jumped out of bed and ran to the closet to change. "It's alright. Take your time. I'm not goin' anywhere."

Regardless of his promise not to leave, she rushed in pulling on a pair of jeggings, short suede boots, and a rose colored tank top, yanking a cream hooded sweater that brushed the backs of her calves as she left her room. She twisted her hair back in disheveled bun, securing it with the band around her wrist as she skipped down the steps and by the time she was out the front door, breathless but wide awake, she silently deemed herself marginally presentable.

And impressively under ten minutes, she thought to herself, waving to Johnny who was parked on the street in front of Nana's house. He smiled, waving back and her heart fluttered pleasantly, reminding her of those confusing emotions, knotting themselves into complex twists of pleasure, uncertainty, confusion and lust in the pit of her stomach. She forced herself to not get into yet another argument she would be losing with her rational side over the fact that he was a gorilla and she really shouldn't be attracted to him. She was losing every single one of those arguments anyway and they were getting quite tedious. Instead, she cautiously let a little hope in and jumped up in the truck beside him. "Hey! I'm so sorry, Johnny. You weren't waiting long, were you?"
He shrugged, pulling out onto the road. "Not that long." He grinned and nodded towards the dash where two Starbucks to-go cups sat in the cup holders. "One on the left's yours. And there's somethin' to eat, if you want," he added, picking up the bag on the seat beside him and tossing it to her.

"You're the best!" she exclaimed, her stomach rumbling in approval. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him he didn't have to, to say that he was too nice. But the coffee smelled like heaven and the bag held the chocolate croissant she'd been craving so she settled for an enthusiastic "thank you" and dug in as if she were starving.

"Did you get lunch?" Johnny asked.

Karina shook her head, washing the mouthful of pastry down with a sip of vanilla latte and smiling. "No. I was up really early and Nana made me go take a nap after the third time of nearly falling asleep while reading to her."

"You read to her?"

"Mhmm. Every day. I think it's relaxing for her. Was she alone for a long time before I came along?"

"I'm not sure," Johnny said with a thoughtful frown. "All I hear is what Eddie says 'bout her and he makes it sound like she wants to be alone 'n all."

"Well, no offense to Eddie, but with a grandson like him, I think I'd want to be alone too. I'm sure he's nice but I've heard that edge in Nana's voice whenever he comes around. Like having him there is just draining or something."

Pulling to a stop at a red light, Johnny gave her a sardonic look. "You spent much time around Eddie? I don't blame her."

"Not a fan?" Karina asked, polishing off the last of the croissant twisting to face him a bit.

"He's alright. It's just...the guys kinda spoiled, ya know? I mean, he lives in his parents pool house and has a life coach. He's been great at the theater, helpin' out here and there. Meena babies him sometimes an' it drives me crazy. He probably wouldn't have the first clue what to do if he was on his own."

Karina studied him silently as he shifted the truck into first gear and started driving. His hands hands had tightened on the wheel slightly and his shoulders were suddenly tense. "And you would?" she asked softly.

He glanced at her, his gaze shy, wounded around the edges. She wanted nothing more than to slide across the seat right then and hug him, take his pain away even when it spoke so loudly to her own. "Yeah...a bit."

She wouldn't ask anymore than that. The sadness shadowing his eyes was starting to harden in a way that worried her. It wasn't something she felt she could understand or that he would even allow her to understand with where they were at, so she left it alone.

"How'd your morning go?" she asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

He immediately relaxed. "Busy. Barry was out for the morning so I was on my own for most of it."

"You don't have anyone else that comes in to help?"

"No. Barry's not even an employee. He's just a friend of the family that comes in to help when he can. Usually, it's just me."

She had a sudden image of him leaning over the engine of his truck, wrench in hand, music echoing off concrete walls and Johnny's voice rising easily above it as he worked. It was incredibly-.

Incredibly what, she silently screamed at her wayward mind. She fidgeted in her seat, crossing her legs and attempting to look outwardly normal. Luckily, Johnny's focus was on the road, his thumb tapping in time to whatever song it was that he was humming.

Sexy. Incredibly sexy...that's the word we're going for.

Karina wanted to groan and bury her face in her hands, hiding the blush she was sure had shown up just thinking that. As if this whole situation wasn't bizarre enough and her unclear feelings in regards to Johnny weren't entirely confusing. Throwing a word like that in the mix just added a whole new twist. And that twist was a part of an emotion she wasn't used to working with. Or rather working well with.

Lust had a mind all it's own, a power all it's own. Generally, when other emotions tried to interfere, they created a level of complexity that drove Karina herself into dark worlds she wanted no part of where pain and anguish thrived. What lust craved, the darkness fed off of, and she had been a small piece of that unable to do anything beyond feel the repercussions of their greed.

Now, it seemed as if that lust was hers to control and hers to feel the unrestrained potency of. Watching lust work as a spectator was much more different than feeling the rush of it blaze through, heat her blood and curl her stomach in a way that was both uncomfortable yet drugging at the same time.

Luckily, they pulled up to the theater just as she started feeling horribly overwhelmed and desperate to have some space between them where she could calm herself. She hopped out of the truck, welcoming the autumn chill against her heated face and inhaled deeply. It offered a sliver of relief and she flipped her hood up, jogging around the truck to fall into step beside Johnny as they walked up to the side entrance of the theater.

"You goin' straight to work then?" Johnny asked, holding the door open for her.

"Yeah. I doubt sorting through that office is going to be something I'll finish any time soon." She smiled up at him, her heart tripping when her gaze met his. "Find me later?"

"Sure," he returned with an easy grin of his own.

With that, Karina spun on her heel and started towards the front of the theater, shoving her hands in the pockets of her sweater. She could hear singing coming from the stage, shouts from the stagehands, the clatter of equipment being moved along the catwalks. On a whim, she took a flight up stairs up to the second level that would allow her to walk past a majority of the practice rooms.

The second floor was far less busy than the first, the sounds from below secondary to the gentle strumming of a guitar filtering through the small crack of an open doorway down the hall. It was the same practice room she'd sat in with Ash the other day and Karina glanced towards the office before moving toward the sound. As Karina neared, she could see it was Ash who occupied the room. She was sitting on the floor against the wall of mirrors, her fingers idly plucking away at the strings as she stared off at nothing, her face a mask of indifference.

Karina knocked before nudging the door open, waving at the small porcupine when she glanced up. "Hey Ash."

"Hey Karina. How's it going?"

"It's going alright." Karina leaned against the doorjamb. "Was that Elastica?"

The question seemed to startle Ash. She was suddenly looking right at Karina, appreciation flashing in her eyes. "Yeah, it was. How did you know that?"

"90's kid. Can I come in?" Ash nodded and Karina pushed away from the door, walking further into the room and sinking down to the floor a few feet from Ash. "Do you do mostly covers?"

Ash started strumming the guitar again. This time the song wasn't one Karina recognized at all.

"Only when I'm bored. It's more of a distraction technique - pick out songs that I can play without thinking and just do it while my brain wanders off in another direction. The first time I performed on my own though, that was all me."

"How many songs have you written?"

"Just one, so far. I'm working on a new one but it just-." She sighed, running an agitated hand over her quills. "It's sounding way too angry."

"Is it not supposed to?"

"I don't...know. My first song was all about being free from Lance and not living in his shadow anymore. Going out on my own, standing for something. Following it up with something all angry and depressing just doesn't seem...right."

"Right by who's standards?" The look Ash gave her in response spoke volumes. Ash was looking to please an audience, to show her strength and show that she could stand alone. But, she was still hurting. "Maybe you should just write what you feel," Karina suggested. "It doesn't have to be something you perform. Just something you need to get out."

"Maybe," Ash mumbled.

Karina scooted a little closer, still leaving a respectable amount of distance between them but sitting next to her instead of across from her. "I know it's not my place at all but...what happened?"

Ash set her guitar aside and folded her arms over her chest in a move that was more protective than defensive. "The usual story - came home one night and walked in on him with another woman. I kicked him out and he moved in with her because he's an ass like that. He didn't even bother calling me until he saw me perform on TV and he's been blowing up my phone ever since."

On cue, Ash's phone buzzed and she rolled her eyes. "Speak of the spineless little prick." She picked up her phone and silenced the ringing before dropping it in her lap with a snort of disgust. "You know the sad part? The only thing I really really miss about having Lance around...is having someone to binge watch Netflix with."

"I know the feeling," Karina said. "There's this show I've been really wanting to watch but doing it alone just feels strange."

Ash glanced at her. "Which show?"

"IZombie," Karina replied somewhat sheepishly. "I have a thing for shows that make something funny out of something that could be potentially world-ending. Given my history, I'm sure that seems a little...backwards-."

Ash grinned, lifting one shoulder in a careless shrug. "Makes more sense than you might think. You could come over to my place and watch it, if you want. I've been eying that one too. Lance was never into anything like that. I guess it'd be kinda cool to get away from the norm for a bit."

Karina gaped at the porcupine, not entirely sure she'd heard her right. "Really?"

"Sure. Why not? Unless you want to keep doing the whole 'get to know you' thing in fifteen minute stints here and there?"

"No! I mean, yeah...I'm fine here and there that but I'd love a chance to hang out outside of the theater. Really, Ash. Thank you."

Again, Ash shrugged, like trusting someone she hardly knew wasn't that big of a deal. Like she hadn't offered Karina the friendly connection she'd been craving, a chance at the kind of friendship she'd only been hoping for up until now. "No problem. If you're free Friday night, you could swing over. I don't live too far from here so we could just walk."

"That'd be great," Karina said, trying hard not to sound as excited as she was. She wanted so badly to have a normal life, to have normal connections and friendships. Her eyes started to burn, her emotions getting the best of her and she knew she had to get out before she made a fool out of herself by crying in front of Ash. "Well, I should probably get to work. Are you sticking around for a while?"

"Yeah, I think so. Might try to get some of that anger out."

Karina stood and shoved her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt. "Don't think about performing. Might be something that's never heard on that level. Good luck!"

Picking up her guitar, Ash offered her a quick grin. "Thanks. See you later, Karina."

Feeling considerably light, Karina left the practice room and started for the front of the theater, humming to herself. Coffee with Johnny, an invite to binge watch mindless television from Ash - the afternoon was turning out to be much more than she'd expected it to be. Normalcy was seeping into the life she was attempting to create and for once, she felt a sense of excitement when thinking about what kind of future she might have in this world.

She was almost to the office when Eddie appeared around the corner, his eyes going wide when he saw her. "Karina!"

"Hey Eddie," she greeted with a smile and wave.

He glanced nervously over his shoulder, then rushed to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her back in the direction she'd been coming from. "Eddie, what-?"

"Mike's here," he muttered, looking around for what she could only assume was a quick escape route.

"Here!" he yelped, coming to an abrupt stop and yanking open a nearby door. "Hide in here for a bit, okay?"

He hastily ushered her in, ignoring her protests. "We'll get him outta here, but give us ten minutes," was all he said before giving her a tiny shove, slamming the door and throwing her into complete darkness.

The panic settled on her immediately. She could feel the moment that she'd been running from surge up to consume her, shattering the protective walls she'd carefully built around herself. Her vision faded to black around the edges and a chilled heaviness settled on her shoulders and chest, making it difficult to breathe. She whirled and grabbed the door handle, the panic intensifying when she found it locked.

She wanted to yell at Eddie to let her out but reason persisted against the blinding terror and she sank to her knees instead, maintaining a grip on the door handle with her trembling fingers as if it were a lifeline.

I can't breathe, she thought, closing her eyes tightly and pressing her forehead to the door. She concentrated on trying to, even though she felt like she was suffocating. She faintly registered the sound of raised voices coming closer and tightened her grip on the door handle, willing it to be over soon.

I'm going to pass out and no one but Eddie knows I'm in here. What if he forgets about me? What if I'm locked in here all night?

She whimpered, pressing against the door, her entire body trembling.

Gradually, the voices faded. She waited another minute or two before trying the door again only to find it still locked. This time, when the apprehension seized her, she gave into it, yanking on the handle and trying to force it to open. She slammed her fist against the wood and gasped, the sound triggering memories of nails being driven into wood and causing the panic to become painful. Pounding on the door in hopes to gain someone's attention was not an option. She would have to hope that someone would hear her voice.

"Is anyone out there?" she called. "Please, let me out! The doors locked!"

Her breath hitched. She had the sudden sense of falling, though she was already sitting. Reason faintly called out to her, reminded her to breath, that this was a panic attack and she would live through it.

Unfortunately, reason held a tentative foothold in her subconscious at best and was easily overpowered.

"Someone help!" she yelled louder, yanking at the handle desperately, hot tears tracing over her cheeks. "Let me out of here!"

Her hands started to go numb, pins and needles prickling along the surface of her skin, and she let go with a sob of frustration, curling into herself.

"Breathe," she muttered, her voice thick with agony. "Just breath, Karina."

She searched for strength, but in the darkness, all that existed was desperation, fear, and the glaringly obvious fact that she could run no more.