A/N: The slow burn turned into an inferno and swallowed me. Sorry guys! I gave in to the characters! They're highly demanding. :)
Chapter Eight
Johnny had attempted to speak numerous times. But every time he did, he'd stop himself at the last second, fearing that anything he could manage would be stupid and careless in the face of everything that had happened over the last hour.
His phone had gone off about as many times as he'd attempted to form a sentence. After the second alert, he'd silenced it but it continually vibrated in his jacket pocket.
Karina sat silent beside him in the back of his truck, tears streaming down her face, her hands fisted in her lap. She'd jumped out of the truck as soon as he'd shifted into park. After watching her stand for several minutes, her arms crossed protectively over her chest, he'd pulled the tailgate down, hopped up and offered her a hand. Sitting beside each other in the truck bed was familiar and seemed to calm her. But even in her calm state, she hadn't said a word or even moved much since they'd left the theater. In the silence, her words from earlier screamed their way through his head, one standing out above the others.
He couldn't seem to shake her statement about being in a coffin, or the way she'd claimed to end up there...because someone had wanted her gone.
"Johnny?"
He glanced down at her. "Yeah?"
"Have you ever had someone just...give up on you?"
Her voice was a small, wounded plea of need. He could feel the desperation to connect to something, anything and understood it more than she probably thought he would. When his father had shut him out, the pain had been swift, deep and brutal. He'd wanted nothing more than to find comfort but there was absolutely nowhere for him to turn. He'd handled it alone, compartmentalized what he could and had managed to convince himself that it didn't hurt as much as he thought it did. Every time his emotions tried to prove him wrong, he found a distraction or did exactly what his father had done to him - he shut them out.
"My dad," he murmured. An unexpected rush of relief came with the words. What little people knew, or more specifically, what little Rosita knew, was impersonal bits and pieces - dad in a gang, landed in prison, held on an unreasonably high bail. The rest was kept buried as deep as he could possibly get it - where he could ignore it and continue living without the shadow of his father's rejection hanging over his head. Though they'd reconciled the night of his first huge performance, forgetting how much his father had hurt him had proved to be a very difficult thing.
"He was part of a gang. Always pullin' off robberies where there was a decent amount of money involved. Every time I thought he'd gotten enough, him and his guys were lining up another heist."
With every word, more and more weight seemed to lift from his shoulders. Everything he'd locked away started pouring out of him faster than he could stop it.
"I didn't want to be part of his gang but couldn't figure out how to tell him. So I helped out on every job. Mostly actin' as a lookout but the last one he did, he wanted me to handle the driving. And I...I screwed up. We were rehearsin' for a private performance for Ms. Noodleman an' the day the ship with all the gold my dad wanted to get his hands on came in. Mr. Moon was already worried about how many times I'd ducked out so I tried to keep everyone happy...dropped my dad and his guys off and then booked it across town to make it to rehearsal. Didn't make it back in time to get my dad though and the cops busted him...hauled him off to jail. I went to visit him right away and when he asked me where I'd been...I told him." Johnny took a deep breath, fighting past the growing lump in his throat. The relief washing over him was overpowering the sorrow, demanding that he push past the hurt and purge himself of emotions that had eaten away at him from the dark corners he'd imprisoned them in. "Told him it was for a singing competition, that I didn't want to be part of his gang. And he said...he said 'how did I end up with a son like you. You're nothin' like me. You never was and you never will be."
Karina's hand slipped under his, hands curling around and squeezing in a show of silent support. He squeezed back, suddenly feeling very much drained. "He showed up the night of the performance. Busted out of prison to come tell me how proud he was of me and...and it was okay. But I haven't been able to really forget how much those words hurt and how alone I felt. And now that he's in prison...kinda harder to avoid that whole 'alone' feeling. It's just me takin' care of me. I know he doesn't want it to be that way and that he doesn't blame me for it. I blame me for it sometimes, though."
Karina curled into him, hugging his arm and resting her head against it. He could feel her hesitation in the silence that fell between them, could sense the internal struggle she was going through. Without thinking,he freed his arm from her and wrapped it around her shoulders, allowing her to move even closer. It felt entirely platonic - nothing romantic or tense...just two people hurting and needing to find comfort in one another when the world had denied them that one thing for too long.
"I lied to everyone," she finally started, her voice low and quiet. "I lied when I said I didn't know what had happened to me. I know...but it's so surreal that it's hard for me to understand myself. If I can't understand why things happened the way they did and how I ended up here...how could I expect others to understand and not think I was insane?"
A shudder went through her and he tightened his hold, remaining quiet.
"Before I showed up here...I wasn't even a person. I was just...part of someone. An emotion or part of their soul...something along those lines. I didn't have a heartbeat or a body, I didn't breathe. I just...existed as a part of someone bigger. Karina...it means love. I'm not sure if that's what I was or what I existed as. But I know that at some point...all I was seen as was a weakness. And the more she struggled...the more she sold herself short or put herself in positions that would cause her heartache...the more she hated herself and the more she hated me. She got involved with the wrong people, fell for the wrong guy...started doing drugs and conforming herself to the standards of others. She was depressed, anxious, struggling every day...and when she finally broke away from all of that she singled me out, labled me as the cancer that kept her caught up in all of that and hurting over it. The only thing she could think of to do to move past all the pain was to cut me out of her and shut me away."
As the words poured out of her, Johnny tried to keep up. What she was saying was nearly impossible to believe. If she hadn't been sitting right next to him, her hand gripping his shirt, her tears soaking the fabric, he would think he was listening to a trailer for some sci-fi/horror movie.
"It was late one night when she snapped. I was so overwhelmed with her pain, so caught up in the darkness that I couldn't do anything to help her. And she didn't want my help. She was in the middle of a full on breakdown, chain smoking and cutting herself...and suddenly she went numb. She closed her eyes, sought out the piece of her that was me, tore me out of her and nailed me away in a coffin. She mentally buried me. And I just...existed there. I don't even know how long I was shut away like that. I can remember moments of voices...always really muffled and I could never figure out what was being said. I didn't try very hard. I felt so alone and abandoned that it was just easier to check out and not pay attention to anything around me."
Johnny shifted to the side, pulling Karina into his lap without thinking and wrapping his other arm around her. She didn't fight him, she didn't hesitate at all. She curled up in his lap and pressed her face to his chest, her shoulders trembling with silent sobs.
"When they found me, that was the first time I realized something had changed. That I wasn't part of someone anymore. I was suddenly starving and everything hurt...and I was desperate to live even if I didn't know how to.
"The hospital director called in Nana as a personal favor. The way she explained it to me was she has leverage, money, and the ability to shut people up. She took me in and for three months I just...wandered her house and kept doing the existing thing. There was always that fear that I would just stop. That one day I wouldn't wake up here and be back in that coffin. I've been able to run from a lot of it, keep myself distracted but today...I can't handle small spaces and I can't be in the dark at all."
Johnny tightened his hold on her. The disbelief was starting to fade but in its place came a building fear that mirrored her own - that one day she just wouldn't be there.
"I probably just scared the hell out of you," she muttered after remaining silent for several minutes. Some of the tension was starting to leave her. She sagged against him, her grip on his shirt loosening. "I know it's...a lot. And really, really hard to believe."
"You didn't scare me. I mean...it sounds crazy but you're the one livin' it."
He didn't know what more to say, how to put what he was feeling into words - humbled, overwhelmed, protective...and a wave of relief because for once it felt like he was no longer alone. They'd both thrown so much out there, taken down so many walls with complete trust in one another. "The only thing that scares me," he started, knowing he was taking a huge leap of faith, "is the same thing that scares you. Thinkin' you won't be here some day."
He held his breath, waiting for a response. When she snuggled even more against him, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly, he exhaled, swamped with relief.
"Before I met you, that didn't scare me as much as it does now. Even with Nana, I was feeling so alone." He could hear the smile in her voice, feel it against his chest. "You've saved me so many times. Thank you."
"You're welcome," he murmured, smiling a little himself.
It didn't take long for her breathing to even out, for her to fully relax and for him to realize that she'd fallen asleep on him. Again.
He gave her a little shake, chuckling when she responded with a grumble and rubbed her face against his chest. Carefully, making every effort not to disrupt her sleep, he shrugged out of his jacket, shifted until he was laying more comfortably in the truck bed and crammed his jacket behind his head, using it as a pillow.
"M'sorry," Karina sighed. "Jus'so tired."
"Sleep," he instructed. "I'm right here. Not goin' anywhere."
She relaxed again and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. Her hand found his, and she wove her fingers through his. "I don't feel alone anymore."
Johnny inhaled her scent, finding a peace in the simple action and closing his eyes. "Neither do I."
He fell asleep without meaning to, far more exhausted than he had thought he was. When he woke up, the sun was sinking in the horizon. Colors of red, orange and violet burned across the deepening blue sky. Stars started winking to life on the backdrop. He carefully lifted his arm and reached behind his head, digging into his jacket pocket for his phone. He had thirteen missed calls and twenty-seven text messages. Seeing the last three missed calls were from Rosita, the most recent from ten minutes ago, he called her.
"Johnny! Are you okay? Where are you?" Rositta answered midway through the second ring, her voice high with worry.
"I'm fine, Rositta. I'm outside 'a town a bit. Karina didn't want to go home."
"She's with you? Is she okay?"
"Yeah," he said, looking down at her and smiling. "Yeah, I think she'll be okay."
"Oh good. You should call Eddie. He feels terrible."
"I'll think about it."
"Johnny-."
"If I don't call him tonight, I'll talk to 'im tomorrow, alright?"
She hesitated before answering. "Fine. You're sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, mum."
She sighed long and loud, and he could almost see her rolling her eyes at his unnecessary endearment. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow."
He disconnected the call and placed his phone down beside him, draping his arm back over Karina. He wanted to prolong taking her home, wanted to stay right where they were and not drop her off before returning to a large, empty garage.
"I keep falling asleep on you."
Johnny laughed softly at the sound of Karina's muffled, groggy voice. "I don't mind. You needed it."
She pushed herself away from him a bit, sitting upright in his lap and shoving her hair away from her face. The disheveled blond mess fell over her shoulders in soft waves as she turned her head to look out at the lights of the city and his breath caught.
He was really going to have to stop fighting the thought that she was beautiful. No amount of reminding himself that she wasn't like him was helping. If anything, it was becoming easier and easier to brush that little thought aside as if it were nothing.
"I should call Nana. She's probably worried," she said, not sounding very dedicated to the idea but reaching into the pocket of her sweatshirt nonetheless. "Hm, yeah...I missed a call from her about twenty minutes ago."
"Did you want to get home?"
Karina offered him a shy smile and shook her head. "Not really, no."
He questioned himself, hesitated for only a minute and then took another chance. "We could do somethin'. Get somethin' to eat...maybe go to a movie?"
"A movie?" Her voice was filled with skepticism but she couldn't hide the flash of hope and longing in her eyes. "How would you even get me into a movie?"
"I've got my ways. Want to?"
A flush crept into her cheeks.
"I'd really like that," she said softly, her cheeks darkening even further. It was fascinating to him. The only other person he'd seen blush was Roistta and it was usually Gunter causing it with his revealing choice of wardrobe. When Karina did it though, there was a vulnerable innocence to it that drew him.
In an effort to shake off the seriousness and lighten the situation, he gave her a mock glare. "No fries in shakes though," he warned.
Karina laughed, moving out of his lap and standing. "Deal."
She called Nana, wandering away from the truck as she spoke in a low voice and he gave her space, hopping into the truck and quickly pulling his phone free to do a search on what was playing nearby. He knew exactly what he was going for and was relieved to see that the theater he hoped would be open still was. Lucky for him, not only was it open, it was playing classic horror flicks from the 80's.
Perfect.
He ignored the several text messages he would continue to ignore until the next morning and slipped his phone back into his pocket, glancing over his shoulder and grinning at Karina as she paced slowly back and forth behind the truck, hugging herself with one arm.
Like the shadow of an echo, her story lingered in the back of his mind. He'd never been face to face before with something that could easily be classified as science fiction. He didn't necessarily believe in anything paranormal. But a story like that was impossible to make up. That nagging fear over her possibly just not being there anymore started to creep up and he quickly shoved it back, not willing to think about it. She was there now and with her around, the emptiness that had always seemed to walk side by side with him was gone.
Karina finished up her call and jumped in beside him, smiling.
"Ready?" he asked, already reaching for the key.
She nodded. "Yes. You said food, right? I'm starving."
"Same here." He started the truck and shifted the gear stick into reverse. "Where we're goin' we can get somethin' to eat and catch a movie."
Johnny drove to the opposite side of town, pointing out places as they went. From the way Karina was watching the scenery pass, he could tell she hadn't been around much. When they started into his side of town, he pointed out the garage. "That's where I work...and live. There's a two bedroom apartment towards the back that my dad put together when I was a kid. Should actually stop there real quick."
"Johnny, that's nowhere near Nana's!"
"Yeah," he said with a sad smile. "It's not. But the prison is."
"Oh-."
Karina ducked her head, clearly embarrassed. He reached across the seat, taking her hand and giving it a small squeeze. "S'okay. You didn't know."
She was quiet for a moment, contemplating their hands. Then she slid her fingers through his. "Do you...go there every day?"
"I try to. Usually stop by before goin' to the theater. So you are on the way." He pulled up to the garage door, hit the opener and gave her hand a quick squeeze before letting it go. "Be right back."
He jogged up to the door, ducking under it as it continued to open and starting towards the back. He didn't bother with the lights as he went to his room to retrieve two pillows and a blanket, used to maneuvering around in the dark. The thought that he should grab two blankets, that it would make more sense for each of them to have their own in case it got cold, died a quick death when he quickly rationalized that he likely wouldn't need one. He tossed the blanket over his arm, tucked the pillows under it and headed back out to the truck, throwing them in back before getting back in.
At her questioning look, he just grinned and pulled away from the garage. They were on their way back out of town, the radio playing quietly as the city passed by in a slow blur of lights. The lights faded the further out of town they drove and before they disappeared all together, Johnny pulled off on a well worn gravel driveway that led through an open gate and onto a field where a huge screen rose up on the other side, dark for the time being. After paying the man at the gate, Johnny pulled in and drove slowly through the nearly empty lot to find a spot close to the screen but a good distance from other cars so Karina wouldn't have to worry about keeping herself hidden.
"What is that?" Karina asked, tilting her head slightly and contemplating the screen.
"Ever heard of a drive in movie?"
"Um...can't say that I have."
"No theater," he explained. "No walls. Not much of a crowd. We can just sit in the back, watch a super old horror movie and eat."
Karina's smile was slow and full of relief. "You...are brilliant."
"I have my moments." He killed the engine and got out, rounding the car to open the door for Karina and helping her into the back of the truck. "Stay here. I'll go get us some food. What do ya want to drink?"
"Do you think they have lemonade?" she asked.
"I'll see what I can do. Be right back."
There were only two other people in line at the concession stands, only five other cars in the lot. Being a Thursday night, it wasn't madly surprising. He smiled and nodded at the couple ahead of him as they passed with their drinks and popcorn. He hadn't been to the drive-in since he was a kid. His dad had taken him often then, before working the gang had taken over his life. Any time there had been some action movie with detectives and high stake robberies, they were there.
Like he was takin' notes or somethin'.
Brushing off the morose thought, he stepped up to the counter and ordered two veggie burgers with fries and popcorn to snack on when the food was gone, then thanked the teen behind the glass smacking her gum and headed back for the truck.
The previews were starting by the time he hopped into the truck bed, slightly surprised to find Karina reclined against one pillow, the other beside her and the blanket spread over her with what looked to be plenty left for him if he wanted it.
"They didn't have lemonade," he apologized, sinking down next to her and handing over a drink and a box of food. "Orange okay?"
"Yeah, that's great. Thanks Johnny."
She tore into her food with no reservations what-so-ever and he watched on in amused fascination for a while before starting in on his own food as the screen flickered to life. Knowing what he knew about her now made it so much easier to understand her. Everything she was experiencing, she was experiencing for the first time. The fascination, the hesitation, the reactions to something as simple as city scenery or even driving into the drive through theater all made more sense. It wasn't just his world she was seeing for the first time. It was everything.
It didn't take long for the food to vanish and for them to settle further against the pillows, sinking into the dramatic plot of the movie.
It was after the third chase and kill that Johnny started to notice Karina wasn't exactly reacting to the movie. She was into it, that much was obvious. But she wasn't jumping at any of the surprise attacks, or cringing at any of the gore. Given her past, he had half expected her to.
"You know," he started, leaning down closer to him, "with everythin' you've been through, you sure can handle a horror movie."
Karina smiled a bit sheepishly. "Yeah I was...um...subjected to a lot of horror movies in my...previous life. She was a junkie for things like that. Anything to get that adrenaline rush from fear." She looked up at him, her brows furrowing. "I should have a problem with it, shouldn't I?"
Johnny shrugged. "Well, it is just a movie.."
Her frown deepened for a moment and then she groaned, burying her face in her hands. "I'm so messed up."
Johnny set the popcorn aside and reached for her wrists, pulling them down. "You're not messed up," he said, offering her a reassuring smile. She continued to stare at her hands and he tilted her chin up with his thumb. "Karina, you're not messed up."
"Then what am I?" she murmured miserably, tears turning her eyes a glassy blue.
"Beautiful."
It was the first word that came to his mind and was out before he could think twice about saying it, startling them both. There was a moment of stillness, a moment in which Johnny knew he could back away, knew for her sake that he should have. But he couldn't make himself do it. Instead, he leaned in, resting his forehead against hers and searching her eyes for any trace of fear or uncertainty.
"I don't know how to do this," she whispered, her free hand tentatively grasping his open jacket, her thumb playing nervously over the zipper. "I don't know how to do any of this."
"Not really sure how to myself." Johnny brushed his knuckles over her cheekbone before dropping his hand to the slope of her shoulder, his fingers curling around the back of her neck. "But you want to-."
Karina nodded. She inched closer, trust and longing burning like fire in her eyes. Not fear. Not uncertainty.
Heart racing, he kissed her with more caution than necessary, not fully trusting himself to make this work. Her lips were softer than he thought they would be, the orange tasting sugar from her drink lingering. He wanted more, wanted to know if that sugary sweetness went any further than her lips. But he resisted, determined not to scare her away. So what if one innocent peck proved to be the one thing that would drive him entirely insane.
His trust in himself wavered and he started to move away when the warm touch of her hand against his face stopped him. He waited, a breath away from her, still able to smell the orange. And suddenly her mouth was on his, hot and greedy, her hands curling around his neck and pulling him closer. It was as if someone had flicked a switch, the way she came alive. Her leg slid over his and he shifted to the side to get closer to her, his hand going to her waist, sliding around and pulling her against him. Her lips parted on a sigh and he took full advantage with no thought, acting on instinct and desire alone. They were the only two things he was capable of feeling at the moment, all other emotions and rational eagerly shoved aside.
Karina wound her arms around his neck, coaxing him closer still and he lifted her, moving so that she was lying halfway under him. They were somewhere between wild abandon and innocent exploration, managing not to trip off of the thin line between the two.
Johnny was so lost in her taste, in the feel of her body against his, that he hardly heard the approaching rumble or felt the slow build of dripping rain until lightning split the sky, sending a rolling wave of thunder across the land and the sky opened up right over their heads.
"Shit!" he yelped, breaking away and yanking the blanket up over them. "What the bloody hell? It wasn't supposed to rain tonight!"
Karina released a breathless laugh, wiping the few drops that had managed to hit her away from her face. "So much for a movie."
Grinning back at her, he lowered his forehead to hers again, finding a comfort in the simple show of affection that he'd never felt before. "Wasn't much into it anyway."
"Same here," she said, the bright red bleeding into her cheeks noticeable even in the darkness.
He didn't want to cut the evening short. He wasn't quite ready for their perfect moment to be shattered. But he was also unwilling to be struck by lightning.
Said lightning quickly made up his mind for him as he leaned forward to kiss her again, drawn by the flirtatious look she was giving him. It struck the treeline behind the screen and they both jumped at the loud crack of thunder.
"We should probably get in the truck."
Karina nodded and they quickly lept over the sides, dodging into the dark cab of the truck as rain turned to hail, pinging off the rooftop.
Johnny started the truck and turned on the radio, scanning to a local station as Karina pulled her phone out and started searching local forecasts. Around them, other cars were quickly pulling out of the lot as the movie continued to play. Whoever had been manning the concession stand was nowhere to be seen.
"Severe thunderstorm warning," Karina said, shooting him a worried look. "And from the look of the radar, it's a pretty big storm."
She held up her phone for him to see. Their entire area was a mass of green, yellow and red, showing no early end to what was settling over them. There was no guarantee he could get her all the way across town to Nana's without things getting much worse at the rate the storm seemed to be moving.
"Would you be okay waiting it out at my place?" he asked.
Karina nodded, smiling a little and his stomach tripped. "Absolutely."
