A/N: It's 2am...I shouldn't be awake...but I just wanted to put SOMETHING out there so anyone still reading this would know it's not a dead fic. :) Love and respect to all of you hanging in there and still reading. I truly, truly appreciate it.

Chapter Thirteen

For the longest time, the only thing Johnny could do was stare at the house. Something terrible yawned open inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole. He didn't have a name for it, but he knew it was making him feel like he needed to turn back and forget he ever saw this place.

The house was simple, three of its four sides protected by the wall of rock and trees around it. And it was clean. Like someone had been there, tidying the place up, cleaning it as if they expected the two lovers to return at any moment. Except they wouldn't. Because one was in jail and the other was dead.

"You don't have to do this today," Karina murmured beside him.

He nodded. The yawning feeling intensified. But he didn't turn the key in the ignition, he didn't slip the truck into reverse. Regardless of how terrified he was...the memory of his mom was in that house.

"I can do this." He tightened his hand around Karina's and offered her as much of a smile as he could manage. "I can."

He took a fortifying breath and let her hand go so they could both get out of the truck. Following Barry's instructions, he found the key above the door and used it to get in, tucking it in his back pocket as they crossed the threshold.

Barry had said he'd been there numerous times, that he kept the place clean out of habit. Johnny suspected it was more than that but he kept his opinion to himself. The other man's voice had caught when he'd said Farah's name, making it clear that his mom had left a gaping hole in more than one person's heart in the wake of her death. Stomach twisting uncomfortably, Johnny had gotten off the phone as quickly as he could once he had what he needed, not wanting another person's sorrow weighing him down. His own emotions were already too much for him to sort through.

The house looked like someone had just been there.

The kitchen table had a runner on it, an empty wooden bowl in the center that didn't have a trace of dust on it. The counter tops were clean and uncluttered and the clock radio tucked back in the corner had the correct time. The adjoining living room was simple with a couch and love seat. The scent of the laundered blankets draped over the couch hung faintly in the air.

"Does someone live here?" Karina asked, keeping close to him even though she looked like she wanted to walk further into the house.

"Barry keeps up the place. For my dad, he said."

Johnny walked through the living room and towards the back of the house where a single bathroom and bedroom were. The bedroom his dad had mom had shared. The drapes were pulled against the sun, leaving the room shadowed but not entirely dark. He went to the dresser where three framed pictures sat. One was of a beautiful human woman with dark hair that fell in waves down her back. She stood beside a stream in a flowing skirt and green tank top, eyes closed, head tilted back and a look of pure joy on her face.

His mom.

In the second picture, she stood in his dad's embrace, smiling up at him. Johnny had never seen a look quite like that on his father before - deep adoration and peace. One of his huge hands rested over the small bulge of her stomach and his mothers much smaller hand rested over his.

"She's gorgeous," Karina said beside him, her gaze on the last picture - a close up of his mother holding him, smiling into the camera with luminous brown eyes the same shade as his. One of his small fingers was wrapped around hers and a band of gold with a simple diamond on her ring finger had caught the flash of the camera.

Johnny reached for it, picking it up. "Yeah…she is," he agreed, his voice thick with emotion. He turned the picture over, knowing from what Barry had told him that there would be a key tapped to the back of this picture. Sure enough, it was, right under the thick, cardboard arm.

"What's that for?"

Johnny looked over at the trunk at the foot of the bed. "That. Dad put all of her things there. Locked 'em away."

He went to the chest and unlocked it, the scent of cedar, citrus and lavender drifting up from the protective quilts folded and placed over his mothers possessions. There wasn't much - clothes, a few pairs of shoes, a sketchbook and what looked to be a diary, a simple cream dress of lace over satin. Under the dress was an envelope with more pictures. The first one was of his mother in that very dress and his father in a suit, eyes only for each other. Johnny pushed the stack back into the envelope without looking at the others, not ready for so much so quickly. He started to put it back when he noticed another envelope peeking out from what looked like a powder blue baby blanket, well worn and extremely soft. Johnny pulled it free, his heart twisting when he saw his name scrawled over it in careful, feminine handwriting.

He stood abruptly and walked to the window, yanking open the curtains and jerking up the window to let in some air. He felt like he was suffocating, too many things happening all at once. Sagging against the window frame, he closed his eyes. Everything just needed to stop. That's what he needed - for things to just stop.

Fingers slipped around his hand and he loosened his grip on the letter, opening his eyes to see Karina standing beside him.

"You don't have to look at that, now," she said softly, taking the letter and setting it aside on the windowsill.

"Not sure I wanna look at any of this right now," he muttered.

"Then don't. Seriously, Johnny…just leave it. Everything will be here tomorrow. Or even next week. You don't need to look at any of this right now if you don't want to."

"I should want to though, shouldn't I?" He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "She was my mum."

"Who you just found out about yesterday," Karina insisted. "You haven't even had a chance to really process anything. Give yourself a little grace and handle things in your own time."

He glanced at the letter. There was no desire to pick it up, to read it, to know anything his mother had to say right now. Whatever was written there, whatever words she'd managed to write in the short time they'd had together, couldn't do anything but hurt. What he wanted to do was far more simple and less confusing. He slid an arm around Karina's waist and drew her close, calm settling over him as she snuggled against him, dropping his hand and wrapping her arms around him.

"So, you're not gonna think I'm crazy for just…leavin' all this stuff here and walkin' away?"

She shook her head. "Not even a little bit."

He tightened his arms around her. "Thank you."

As they turned to leave, he thought better of his decision to let the past stay where it was and picked up the letter, folding it and putting it in his back pocket. Then, he took the picture of himself and his mother, leaving the other two behind. Something about them, maybe the fact that they seemed to belong more to his dad, made him feel like they were off limits. They needed to stay where his father and mother were something he'd maybe never fully understand.

They drove back to the garage in silence, Johnny too lost to his erratic thoughts to notice the anxious glances Karina kept giving him. Those thoughts played in a continual loop - go to the theater and distract himself, call Barry and demand more information, go to the prison and make his dad talk, go back to the cabin and force himself to deal with everything he didn't know. They were all so loud. So damn loud.

Physically, he was on autopilot, not even realizing he was pulling into the garage and getting out of the truck. He was just…numb. Numb and oblivious to his surroundings or what he was even doing.

A persistent tug on his hand managed to disrupt the disorganized mess in his head. He turned towards it blindly and the chaos stopped when Karina's lips caught his.

He sank into the kiss with a sigh he felt clear to the depth of his soul, not fighting against the temptation when she tilted her head to the side, deepening the kiss, her tongue teasing him in a way that made his stomach flip.

"Karina…you sure we should-," he tried, making one pitiful attempt to stop what she'd started though he didn't want to in the slightest. With her body pressed so close to his, her mouth moving over his with seductive deliberation, desire drowned out all other feelings, washing them away so easily.

Her hands slipped under his shirt, fingers tracing the muscles of his stomach. "Let me help you feel better," she whispered.

With a low groan of surrender, he slid his fingers into her hair and gave into the hunger she invoked. She shoved at his jacket and he shrugged it off, letting it fall to the floor at his feet and reaching for the hem of her sweatshirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it carelessly aside. The skin beneath was smooth and so soft, so warm to the touch. He ran his hands eagerly over every inch of her that he could, mesmerized by the feel of her, by the way she responded to him, her back arching, hands gripping his shoulders, nails digging in gently. Remembering how she'd reacted to him kissing her neck, he lowered his head and ran his teeth over the flesh beneath her ear, groaning when she gasped and whimpered his name.

He lifted her effortlessly in his arms and carried her to the couch, wanting her with a ferocity that scared the absolute hell out of him. She was everything about life he needed to make it from one moment to the next, the light that existed in a darkness he hated. She whispered his name, begged him to touch her more, cried out when he came down on top of her, his hips pressing intimately against hers.

And because the universe was a cruel, uncaring bitch, Barry would pick that very moment to walk in.

"Johnny, hey…you didn't answer your phone and I-."

Johnny jerked away from Karina, cursing violently and gasping for breath. She scrambled back against the arm of the couch, wide eyes desperately searching for something to cover herself with. Reaching behind her, Johnny pulled a blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around her before turning his attention to Barry. The older man was staring at Karina, his eyes haunted. It must have been the last thing he expected - to walk into the garage and see his Godson caught up in a heated moment with another human.

"You're dad…he said she was like your mum. I didn't…I didn't believe him."

Barry was the last Johnny could handle. He was done - too exhausted from every possible emotion over the last twenty four hours to manage even a little embarrassment over the current situation. "Why would he make her up, Barry?" he asked wearily.

"Not her, really." Barry's gaze fell to the clothing by his feet and he bent to pick up Karina's sweatshirt. He offered it to her with an apologetic grin. "I mean not-."

"Karina," she finished, returning his grin with a small smile and taking her shirt. She excused herself and Johnny stood, nodding towards the kitchen before picking his shirt up from the floor and pulling it over his head. "Want something to drink?"

"I'd take coffee if you've got any."

"I can make some. What exactly did you think he made up?"

"You being in almost the exact same situation he was…aside from the whole rescuing a woman from a shady strip club part," Barry explained as he followed Johnny into the kitchen and took a seat at the diner-style table. "When he told me you'd met a girl and she was like Farah…" He paused, shaking his head. "Both of you ending up with a woman that just shows up out of nowhere and clearly doesn't belong here? Not really something that just happens without looking like a crazy coincidence. How long has Karina been here?"

Johnny scooped enough grounds into the filter to brew the coffee as strong as Barry liked it and switched the machine on. It didn't take much time for the small room to fill with the rich scent of medium roast. "A month before I met her, I think."

"Does she know how she got here?"

"No. Did my mum?"

Barry shook his head. "No. And your dad never asked her about it. He loved her too much to care about how she got here or what she was. I asked her once. Only once, though. It was a few days before she died. She said she'd been part of someone. Part of their personality or something - that her name meant joy and that she might have existed as that emotion until she woke up here." He smiled sadly. "Not hard to believe it…her being joy. It was impossible not to get caught up in her happiness. Regardless of everything she went through, she was always smiling…even when she was dying. She wasn't afraid of death. She was just so grateful that a part of her would get to stay in this world."

"A part of her?"

"You, Johnny. Next to your dad, you were everything to her. The best part of her, she said."

There wasn't anything he could possibly say to that. It was strange, knowing a woman had loved him like that, a woman he knew nothing about. Strange and riddled with underlying guilt because he wanted to feel like she was someone important and love her as deeply as she'd loved him. But how could he when he'd never known her?

Karina appeared in the open doorway, hesitating as she looked back and forth between Johnny and Barry. She'd pulled her hair away from her face, securing it in a messy bun on the top of her head. The show of confidence was juxtaposed to the fact that she'd pulled her hands into her sleeves to hide them.

Barry pushed himself away from the table and stood, each movement slow and cautious. He approached Karina with a warm smile, his hand extended. "Sorry for bargin' in on you two. Name's Barry. I'm a friend of the family and Johnny's Godfather. You said your name's Karina?"

She nodded, taking his hand. "Johnny's told me about you. You knew his mom?"

"Very well. Helped keep her safe. Guess that's a round-about way of saying I'll do the same for you."

Karina visibly relaxed. "Thank you."

Barry's smile turned a little devious as he glanced at Johnny. "Suppose my timing could have been a bit better."

"Jeez mate, ease up," Johnny grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry kid, as your Godfather, I reserve the right to give you a hard time whenever I want. 'Specially when it comes to your first girlfriend."

Johnny shot a quick look at Karina. Her cheeks flared bright pink as she focused her gaze on the floor and quickly tried to pull back the shy smile tilting the corners of her mouth. They'd never discussed the idea of being anything with a title. Being with her - holding her, kissing her, even just talking to her, happened so naturally. It never occurred to Johnny that it needed to be labeled or that he needed to place some official claim on her.

She was just…his.

Seeming to catch the slight discomfort his words had caused, Barry cleared his throat and tactfully changed the subject. "You went out to the cabin then?"

"Little bit ago, yeah." Johnny replied. He went to Karina and leaned back against the counter beside her, putting an arm behind her. She shifted close to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "We didn't really stay long."

"Go back whenever you feel like it. I'm sure looking at some of that stuff wasn't easy. And if you want to know anything, if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer them. Either of you."

Johnny shrugged a little and Karina looked up at him. He jerked his head slightly in Barry's direction. "Anything?"

Her brows drew down and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. After a brief internal struggle, she reluctantly asked, "Did she have any idea how she got here? What happened to her before or to the person she was part of?"

"No, sorry. She might have written about it, though. She had a diary. It's at the bottom of the chest in the bedroom. Never looked at it myself. Neither did Donovan. Didn't seem right, you know? But you might find something there."

Karina twisted her hands together. "Did she…was she ever-." She paused to draw a deep breath and fixed a determined look on Barry. "Was she ever afraid she'd just stop existing here?"

Sympathy softened Barry's features. "At first, she was. She said when she was at Bruce's place, she wished it would happen. She thought being a prisoner there and being forced to do what she did was some kind of purgatory. But then Donovan saved her and with how things changed…she had trouble sleeping for a while, had nightmares. She didn't want to fall asleep because she was afraid she wouldn't wake up. She hid her fear well. Only reason I knew about it is because Donovan talked to me. He didn't know how to help her. They must have figured it out though because eventually they both started to relax and life was just life."

Barry glanced down at his watch. "I should probably get going. I've got a couple stops I need to make before it gets too late. I can swing by tomorrow if you want?"

Johnny pushed away from the counter and took Barry's empty mug. "No, that's okay. We appreciate you coming by."

"Of course. Stop by and see your dad tomorrow. He doesn't like how he had to leave things with you." Barry placed a hand on Karina's shoulder. "Every day will get easier. Read Farah's diary, see if there's anything there that might help. But don't be afraid to live and trust that things will be okay."

Karina tilted her head slightly to the side and smiled. "Thank you, Barry. It was so nice to meet you."

"Pleasure's all mine. You kids have a good night."

Once he was out the door, Johnny released a heavy sigh. Karina turned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and quietly offered her comfort. "Lord, it's been a day," he muttered. "You want to stay the night?"

"I was supposed to go hang out with Ash but I think I can push it to tomorrow." She tilted her head up to look at him. "Is pizza a thing here?"

"Yeah, it is."

"What if we just ordered pizza and spent the night in bed playing video games?"

He almost said I love you. Almost. He couldn't think of anything he'd like better than to sit in bed with her curled up beside him playing mindless video games and gorging himself on one of Altony's deep dish veggie supremes. "You call Ash and see if she's cool with you switching nights and I'll call in the order."