"Oh my God!" I shrieked as I looked up to see a very irritated Hidan sitting in his chair with prayer beads in his hand. Of course I would end up in his room.
"Can I fucking help you?" He demanded, not moving from his position.
"I um… I… ah," I decided I should catch my breath first. "I'm sorry… one sec..." I managed between gasps.
"For Jashin's sake, did you just fucking run a marathon before ghosting your way through my fucking wall?"
I shook my head, trying to come up with the best way to explain myself. "Oh good lord… you could have been naked," I said with some shock.
That's not an explanation, Izumi…
At this he actually laughed, "Yeah well, you're not that lucky."
I rolled my eyes and hoped my laboured breathing would disguise my own amusement.
Touché.
"Oi uh… you've got a little," Hidan gestured just below his nose with a wiping motion.
"Shit!" I hissed as I wiped at the blood frantically. "Thanks… I um, I think someone was following me? So I kind of freaked out and phased through a wall. Turns out you're not that lucky either because, well, it happened to be your wall I guess." I said with a small humorless laugh.
"Wow, really great story. Well, hey thanks for the visit, the exit is right there," he gestured to the door. I looked between it and him and let out a sigh.
"You're honestly the last person I want to ask for help but-"
"So fucking don't," Hidan cut me off matter-of-factly.
"Listen, Hidan," I began, frustrated but trying to remain calm, "I know you don't like me, but the fastest way you can get rid of me right now is to just pop out into the hall with me and make sure no one's out there… and maybe show me how to get back?" I asked with a pained smile and awkward shrug.
"Oh I see!" He exclaimed with feigned excitement. "Is this how I get to join the Izumi fan club? What do I have to do to get my first badge? Oh I know I know, I'll do it like everyone else. They're always picking you up and shit, right?" Hidan set the prayer beads atop his dresser and began approaching me.
"Nope! I can stand on my own, no worries," I assured. But he was fast. Before I knew it my body was flung over his shoulder like a ragdoll.
"Okay okay, I fucking picked you up. Now what, what's step two for the uninitiated?" It was evident he was getting quite a bit of amusement out of the whole thing judging from the thick coating of hilarity on his every word.
"Hidan, please, you can stop and I'll just go. Okay?" I protested from over his shoulder.
"Nah, I'm joining the fucking club. I'm finally ready. Alright so what next… Oh I know, how about we put little Izumi to sleep? She's probably super tired from all the clumsy shit she pulled all day."
"Stahhhhp," I whined, somewhat through a laugh. He wasn't wrong.
I landed on his bed with a harsh bounce and looked up to see a highly amused Hidan pretending to ponder his next move.
"Alright, she's in the bed. I feel like I'm really fucking killing it right now, am I right? But how could she possibly be comfortable without being tucked in? Izumi is what, 9 years old? 10? Yeah, we tuckin' her in, no brainer," he ranted as he began throwing blankets on top of me.
"I'm not a child!" I refuted, hardly able to even contain my own laughter at that point. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was actually a little funny but it was getting to be so ridiculous that I couldn't hold it back anymore.
"Hidan, you can seriously sto-" I cried through my fit of giggles.
"Noooo no no! Izumi needs her sleep, how else will she have the energy to fucking walk around?!" His hands jabbed beneath me to tuck the blankets tightly around my body to the point where I couldn't even move. I had done it, I had become a mummy.
"Why do you hate me," I deadpanned up at his shit eating grin.
"Sweetheart, I don't hate you. How can I hate someone I don't even think about." He smiled.
Back to being an actual dick.
"Can you just get me out of this?" I asked with a sigh.
"Nah, I'm good," he said calmly, taking his seat again and picking up his prayer beads. I watched as he moved his fingers between the beads, his eyes closed and lips moving slightly as if he were reciting something in his head.
"Well if I'm stuck here, do you want to at least tell me about Jashin or whatever you're doing?"
"You want to hear about Jashin?" He asked with an incredulous look before proceeding to enthusiastically launch into a lengthy tirade about Jashinism. It was honestly the most genuine and excited I had ever seen him so I mostly nodded and asked some small questions here and there to get him to go on.
"Okay, so Jashin requires human sacrifices…?" I was pretty sure I understood that correctly but felt I should really clarify that piece of it.
"Right," Hidan answered happily.
"And it doesn't matter who they are?"
"Yeah, could be anyone. Jashin doesn't really have a type, ya know? Everyone is equal in the eyes of Jashin, which I think is very generous."
"Sure, sure… equality is good I guess," I mumbled hesitantly.
Psycho.
"So if you wanted, you could hunt down bad guys and sacrifice them to Jashin and become this, like... holy punisher type of person?" I suggested. His eyebrows came together a bit in thought.
"Hmm I guess, never really thought of it like that. I just kind of pick anyone that crosses me," He said with a shrug.
"Interesting… Hey, Hidan?"
"Hm?"
"Would you be mad if I peed in your bed?" I asked in the hopes that he would unwrap the blankets around me. As stupid as I assumed he was, he did not fall for it.
He gave me a knowing smile. "Be my fucking guest."
"Godamnit…" I grumbled. He took a moment to laugh a bit too wildly at my foiled plan before he came over and with one hand, ripped the blankets away in one clean motion.
"Okay, okay, you can get the fuck out now," he said, seemingly satisfied with the mostly harmless toture he had been able to inflict on me.
I rolled out of his bed quickly and made to leave but found myself stalling at the door. My hand was on the knob but it didn't turn, I couldn't get that man's obsidian eyes out of my head. I had spent a while in Hidan's room, which is a sentence I never thought would exist... Could he still be out there roaming around?
"Oi… Did you hear me? I said you can fuck off," Hidan reminded me with some annoyance.
"I- uh…" I looked at Hidan who had returned to his chair, the beads between his fingers once more. "Yeah, okay…" I said quietly, resigning myself to just wing it and hope for the best. In all fairness, I wasn't sure if it was even real or in my head in the first place.
It was probably fine. I turned the knob and pushed the door open, looking skeptically in each direction before stepping quietly through the doorframe and shutting the door behind me. The door didn't click shut, I looked back at it in confusion to see Hidan suddenly looming behind me, leaning against the frame coolly, his foot keeping the door open.
"The fuck are you so worried about?" He asked, looking down at me.
"I swore there was someone from downstairs following me before… that's how I ended up here." I confessed, holding onto my own arm and shrinking slightly as I thought about it.
"Well, there's only one chakra signature out here now and it's yours. Oh… wait, we've got another." He paused in waiting, as if trying to determine who it was.
I immediately scurried back into his room, squeezing past his rather bulky form that took up most of the doorframe, and peeked down the hallway from behind him.
He slowly shifted his gaze to look down at me. "You think I'm gonna protect you or something?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I mean… I think you might? If it would make for a good sacrifice?" I asked back with a shrug.
"Fuck, you got me there," he muttered, looking back down the hall. I could see a smirk form on his face.
"Oh, this'll be good," he said to himself before turning back to me. "Come on in, Izumi," he said with a very charming smile, lifting me over his shoulder once more and tossing me on the bed again. "Make yourself comfortable. I don't think it's safe out there right now, probably best to just wait it out, yeah?"
"Wh-what? Why are you catering to me all of a sudden?" I looked at him skeptically while trying to fix my hair from being thrown around so much.
Suddenly the door burst open without warning.
"What the fuck dude. You ever heard of knocking?" Hidan asked coolly with a huge smirk stretched across his face.
Deidara stood in the doorway looking slightly bewildered between Hidan and me.
"Deidara!" I scooched off the bed and skipped over to him.
"The hell is going on in here? You alright Izumi?" Deidara asked, looking me over quickly before shooting an accusatory look at Hidan. Unbeknownst to me, my hair was still looking like a hot mess and I had a smear of dried blood under my nose. Not my chillest vibe.
"Um yeah, it's fine. I was actually looking for you," I said calmly.
"Looking for me... in Hidan's room?" Deidara raised an eyebrow.
Hidan couldn't have looked more pleased with himself at the conversation unfolding. "Yeah man, poor Izumi here needed someone to help her out with something. She couldn't find you but I was happy to step in, Deidara-kun," he grinned broadly.
Okay, what the hell is happening here.
I looked back and forth between the two alphas. Hidan looked like he was having the time of his life while Deidara looked like the vein in his forehead was about to explode.
"You're a real piece of shit, you know that?" Deidara growled at Hidan.
"Whoa whoa whoa, I was just helping Izumi who had someone chasing her through the halls. Should I not have?" Hidan feigned good intentions.
"Chasing you?" Deidara snapped his attention to me. I shook my head dismissively.
"I honestly think it was all in my head. I was just freaked out and I think I got a little paranoid." I sighed while scratching the back of my head.
"Geez you're something else," Deidara said with a small laugh. "Let's get you back, un?"
I nodded, "Okay."
Deidara walked out first and I followed. Peeking back into the room before I shut the door, I could see Hidan moving back to his chair.
"Thanks, Hidan," I said quietly. As much as it pained me to thank him for anything, I wasn't so sure that he wouldn't have brought me back to the common area after all. Begrudgingly or not.
"Any fucking time," he flipped me off with a smile. I scoffed and shut the door, skipping to catch up with Deidara.
"Izumi you gotta be careful with that dude. He's what we in the business would call 'unstable', un," he remarked, leading me down the various passages of the complex.
"Yeah well, I'm going on a mission with him and Kakuzu tomorrow so I'm not thinking I have that luxury."
He stopped in his tracks and turned to me incredulously. "You serious?"
I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess Kakuzu requested it? I don't really know anything besides that though."
He started walking again, his brows knitted together in pensive thought. "That's weird. Kakuzu usually takes the money jobs, I wonder why he'd want you there for that…"
We had finally reached the common area at that point and Deidara began rounding into the kitchen.
"Deidara…" I deadpanned, "did you just want me to make you food?"
He grinned, "just come in here, un." With a playful roll of my eyes I reluctantly followed.
"Oh…" I paused as I entered the kitchen, taking notice of the arrangement on the table. There was a single spot set with a plate and silverware. Three partially burnt pancakes sat upon the plate in a disheveled little stack, a pat of butter and syrup on top and several pieces of blackened bacon to the side. Behind the plate was a carton of orange juice and a small clay vase with an ornate clay flower in it.
"You already made yourself food. Wow, Deidara, I'm really impressed!" I encouraged enthusiastically. Deidara nearly fell over.
"Aw come on Izumi, you're killing me here…" He said, scratching the back of his head.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"You really think I went to find you just to show you that I made myself breakfast for once?" He asked with a heaping helping of exasperation.
I shrugged apologetically. "I mean, it does kind of seem like an accomplishment for you?"
"You're unbelievable…" He countered, his one visible eye twitching. He moved over to the chair and pulled it out. "It's for you, you dope."
"Oh… OH! Oh my god!" It took me several moments to register how absolutely, downright silly I had just been. Of course, this was something normal people did for each other on occasion.
"Oh Dei, I'm so sorry! It really looks great!" I began quickly, fumbling over my words and wishing desperately to be able to travel back in time about 30 seconds with my new understanding of basic human interaction.
"Dei," Deidara repeated, almost like a question but not quite.
"I mean Deidara.. I'm sorry. That's just how I think of you in my head but I know that's not what people call you. Today isn't my finest, sorry" I shook my head in apology. I couldn't get out of my own damn way.
"Well you're right, it's not what people call me but… I suppose it's what you could call me. I guess I don't hate it." He said in a way that made me think he actually quite liked it. "But that's all beside the point, are you gonna sit down and eat or what?"
"O-oh, yes!" I rushed over to the spot which, now that I knew it was for me, was exceptionally cute. The little clay flower was so delicate and pretty, I should have known Deidara wouldn't make himself a freaking flower… I wouldn't have expected him to make one for me either though…
"Hey there, you alright?" Deidara asked, tilting his head down to meet my eye level. His hands were still resting on the chair, waiting for me to sit down. I had gotten lost in thought. I snapped out of it at once.
"Yeah," I assured with a smile. "I just… it seems so obvious now that you wouldn't do this for yourself, but no one's ever done anything like this for me. It just wasn't even a thought in my head. How do I make this up to you?" I asked more awkwardly than I could bear.
"Well you can start by sitting down," he said with a smirk. I laughed through a sigh and took my seat.
"This flower is really beaut-" Before I could finish my sentence the flower was gone, blown into thousands of tiny pieces in a tiny explosion that looked like tiny fireworks. I jumped and let out a startled yelp when it happened which had Deidara laughing pretty good.
"What were you saying about the flower?" He asked with a grin.
"I was just about to tell you how loud it was," I scolded.
"Yeah, I thought you'd like it," he laughed, taking a seat at the table. "I know it's kinda burnt, un… and we ran out of glasses for the juice, but I know you like to drink straight from the carton anyway," he explained somewhat apologetically with a laugh.
"It's perfect," I said, cutting the pancakes accordingly.
"Well don't say that until you've tried it," he teased, waiting and watching with great anticipation.
I paused and looked at him. "This is a lot of pressure. You're really just going to sit there and watch me eat?" I questioned.
"Well if you give me a bite then technically we're both eating. I can try it first and let you know if it's safe?" He offered playfully, opening his mouth.
I raised my brow at him. "Fine," I said, stabbing some sufficiently syrup slatthered pancake onto my fork and guiding it gently into his mouth. His playful expression soured almost immediately as he grabbed the plate and ran to the sink with urgency.
"Holy shit, do not eat that." he said, spitting out the bite he had taken. "Seriously, I think I just saved your life. You owe me one." He continued on dramatically.
"You're the one that made it!" I reminded him not so gently.
"A trivial detail," he retorted with a shake of his head.
"Dei…" I scolded with a humorous sigh, "you don't want me owing you one, I'm not good at anything."
"Aw, I'm sure we could find something you're good at." He said with a tilted head and an unwavering stare.
There was something about the way he said it, like there was more implied beneath the surface. My face immediately went red and I hopped out of my seat.
"Cooking!" I shouted like a maniac. "I'm good at cooking! Hah! Look at me go, how could I forget. How about some breakfast then?!" I practically shouted while gathering pots and pans in a rather noisy fashion. Despite being startled by my sudden outburst, Deidara happily wolfed down the meal. I was good at preparing food. I was not so good at preparing myself for the upcoming trip with Hidan and Kakuzu.
As always, thanks for reading and the reviews!
