AN 1: To those of you who asked or were wondering, it's debatable if Harriet actually did to Spock what she told McCoy she did but the primary reason she mentioned it was to get a reaction. Details, well, details at that point are totally optional.

AN 2: This chapter and the next take place during the final semester of 2557. The chapter following these two bridges 2557 and 2558 on an unspecified time line (exact dates don't really work well for the general flow).

AN 3: This is my take on the songfic. As hard as this was to write, I rather enjoyed the process. All parts are a variation of "Spock is the shznit," "Harriet can't decide if she should be a good wingman/woman," and "Everyone, bar one, is either somewhat confused or amused." Share your thoughts!


This hit, that ice cold

Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold …


Spock viewed his teaching efforts as relatively successful. A greater percentage of his students than not were attentive to his lectures. The work that those students submitted for review was also satisfactorily completed. In fact, he had several promising students who he believed would go quite far in their careers if they maintained the current quality of their work.

Naturally, he was also satisfied that he was able to stimulate the minds of those students who were interested in his course material. Actually, he was honored to have the opportunity to help shape their minds.

Yes, Spock was rather proud of his accomplishments as an instructor, then was promptly displeased that he was proud, then displeased that he was displeased.

He took a moment to calm his mind and seek peace within his thoughts.

Yes, his efforts were sufficiently successful. However, it was good that Harriet had reminded him that some of his students would not be as motivated as he was when he was an Academy student. He was not one to easily forget things but he had pushed this point aside as it really didn't make sense why a student would willingly pursue a course of study they were not interested in pursuing. It was illogical.

But, he supposed, it was also illogical for him to hold his students to Vulcan standards when they themselves were not Vulcan. Perhaps his standards were too exacting? No, if more than ten percent of his students could excel under the current conditions and another forty percent fell within what the Academy labeled as 'average,' his standards were adequate.

Perhaps he should offer more supplemental material to aide the remainder of his students? Yes, that would be helpful. It would also provide additional guidance for his other students on how to direct their studies.

Satisfied, Spock went about his day.


Stylin', whilen, livin' it up in the city

Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent

Gotta kiss myself, I'm so pretty


Some of Spock's students, and one in particular, were quite taken with Spock. While it wasn't necessarily rare to see a Vulcan, Spock was currently the only Vulcan who had graduated from the Starfleet Academy and the only Vulcan currently teaching at the Academy. While this was his second semester as a professor, the novelty of having a professor who was not only a native speaker of Vulcan but also had personal experience navigating Vulcan-Human relations, noteworthy experience in the field, and a willingness to teach, humans or otherwise, still hadn't worn off.

Of course, some of his students, generally the less studious ones, were rather … opinionated about him and his teaching abilities but the more academically minded found his classes stimulating. It helped that he was both intelligent and diligent: his lectures were well organized and presented in a logical manner; he knew his material and references thoroughly and didn't hesitate to suggest supplemental reading if desired; he was also a consummate professional: his uniform was sharp, he was well groomed, gave polite if pointed responses, and his office, to any student that bothered to attend office hours, was neat, well organized, and inviting.

Singly, these compliments didn't add up to much. However, combined, they were rarely applied judiciously. Spock was thus a most welcomed double rarity: a Starfleet Vulcan and a good professor.

Starfleet, for their part, was particularly glad to have Spock, even if it meant pulling him from the field for an extended amount of time. In addition to teaching, in an effort to balance the loss, Spock was also conducting some independent research, on par with the research that was conducted at the Vulcan Science Academy, which would be credited to their own institution. The prospect of top students receiving an opportunity to join in on what was sure to be his ground breaking findings was just icing on the proverbial cake.

Taken altogether, it was therefore rather natural that fierce competition to be amongst the top students developed.


I'm too hot (hot damn)

Called a police and a fireman

I'm too hot (hot damn)

Make a dragon wanna retire man …


Harriet made it a point to stop in on some of Spock's lectures, largely as a show of support, but it helped her practice her still rather rough Vulcan language abilities.

[you're really not that bad for an … adult learner.]

'These comments about my age are really getting rather annoying.'

FOCUS! What she noticed, beyond Spock's relative monotone, was the rather interesting gathering of midshipmen in the class. Of course, they all wore the same uniforms (if in different colors) and most had the same variation of the utilitarian hairstyle favored by Starfleet. However, their posture and facial expressions said a lot more than they probably thought. Particularly that one girl with the really intense expression on her face all the time, every time.

'That's kind of a bit much, isn't it? I wouldn't call Spock boring to the motivated learner but that's taking concentration a bit far.'

Harriet sat back in her chair at the side of the room. She was well placed, near the middle but toward the edge of the class, so that she could discretely evaluate the pupils as well as the teacher. Not that her discretion mattered. No one could see or hear her anyway, given her rather overpowered disillusionment charm.

'Except maybe Spock. Always gotta be an exception, Spockypoo…. I really should start testing more of my theories out at the Vulcan embassy. I'm sure I can find some reason to visit, even if Spock doesn't want to.'

She lightly tapped her stylus on her PADD.

'Maybe this is that student he mentioned – the one at the top of the class?' Had to be. She was sooo invested in everything that was coming out of his mouth. She barely took the time to write notes.

[maybe she doesn't need to]

Harriet's eyes widened fractionally, enough to register her mini epiphany but not enough to draw Spock's attention away from his lecture. 'Calm. Be calm. Just because his top student is this intense, attends all of his lectures, signed up for all of his classes, goes to all of his office hours, and is female doesn't mean anything weird is going to happen [way to enforce a double standard there] Shush! (O no! now I'm responding to the voice inside my head!) [you've been doing so for a while now] 'I'm not saying that because she's female, and waaay dedicated to learning, that she's hot for teacher. I'm just wondering if Spock understands how his … attentions… could be interpreted by student or staff. [sure.] I am!'


'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you

Saturday night and we in the spot

Don't believe me just watch (come on!)…


It was Saturday night and they were having dinner at a rather nice, Vulcan approved restaurant in uptown San Francisco. The décor was simple but elegant and the diners dressed to match. The ceiling was high enough for a Vulcan to walk comfortably underneath but not so high as to give the impression of a great open space. The walls, like the tablecloths, were subtle shades of orange and red, reminiscent, if one had been there, of the rocky landscapes of Vulcan.

The tables themselves were high enough for even a rather tall Andorian to sit at comfortably but still low enough to prevent the feeling of being a small child sitting at an adult's table. Comfortably arranged, there was also just enough space between tables to allow patrons to feel suitably surrounded without compromising their privacy, so long as they kept their voices at a reasonable level.

She had actually chosen the restaurant as the next stop on the Explore Life and Humanity train particularly because it was on the Vulcan embassy's list of recommended eating establishments. She had continuously pushed and challenged Spock to explore his human side since that day they had agreed to start their little experiment. However, he was also Vulcan and had challenged her in turn to learn more about what made Vulcans Vulcans. And so, in spite of the topic Harriet was about to discuss, this particular Saturday night, which happened to fall on one of their regularly scheduled Vulcan interludes, was going rather well.

Harriet was dressed for the occasion, even if Spock was dressed as Spock always dressed (although in more complimentary colors and fabrics that worked with each other – Yes, Spock, it matters, thank you very much). As for herself, while it was perhaps not much of a Vulcan fashion statement, she was wearing a loose fitting beige cotton dress with a dark green, sleeveless over robe that she had mysteriously found sitting at the top of her trunk a few days ago. There were several simple interwoven patterns subtly stitched on the dress that were repeated in the deep green head scarf she was using to cover her (mostly) bound curls. While Spock had not commented on the ensemble, he hadn't disapproved, which was a win in Harriet's 'learn to blend in with the Vulcans' book.

They had just finished enjoying the meal when she finally brought it up.

"I find that I need to confirm that you are aware of the boundaries of Student- Teacher relationships Spock."

"I am well aware of my duties as an instructor."

"Yes, and I am also well aware that you are well aware of the Academy's no fraternization rule. However, there is still a point to be made."

"Then what is the point that you wish to make?"

Harriet took a moment to collect her thoughts. "Even if you are aware of your duties as an instructor and both you and your students are aware of the Academy's no fraternization rule … interest in a relationship other than that of student to teacher can still develop."

"While that is … a possibility, it is both highly improbable and unethical."

"Emotions can make things that are improbable more probable than one may have originally estimated."

"… I see. You are suggesting then that such emotions are developing in myself or my students."

"I am suggesting that it is a possibility that you need to analyze and consider further." Harriet paused to allow the waiter to place two desert dishes, and a Vulcan Mocha (!), on the table. When he had left, she continued. "These situations are known to develop, potentially without one party aware that it is developing, and then become … an issue… unexpectedly. It is best, logical, that you know your position in relation to your students before such a situation arises and are prepared to respond appropriately."


Stop, wait a minute

Fill my cup, put some liquor in it

Take a sip, sign a check

Julio, get the stretch …


"I really don't get how he doesn't see it." Harriet's head thumped lightly on the other side of the bar, several loose braids landing on the countertop.

"Doesn't see what dear?" Mrs. Thurston was calmly checking the accounts listed on the output reader and preparing to start locking up the café. While she wouldn't call Harriet dramatic per se, she had her moments, usually when she was overly amused or frustrated by one of her friends. Friends. It was worth it really, and generally just all around nice, to see her so engaged in life. She had been rather worried in those first few months when Harriet didn't seem to have any friends or family.

"The thin line a professor has to walk on the matter of student-teacher relationships." Harriet groaned.

Mrs. Thurston briefly looked up and gave Harriet a look. "Who's treading the line?"

"Spock and he's so Vulcan, he doesn't see the danger." Harriet lifted her head off the counter and ran a hand down her face. "He's so dense, my head hurts."

Mrs. Thurston returned to what she was doing. "How hard is she trying?" She'd witnessed zero emotional range from Spock thus far, so it had to be a student – likely a female student if Harriet was more annoyed than amused. 'O dearie, if only you weren't so dense.'

"It's not blatant. In fact, it's rather subtle. It's just the way she's at every office hour, how attentive she is in every class, her eyeliner. It's vaguely stalkerish."

Mrs. Thurston smiled, laugh lines accentuating her face. "You sound a mite bit like a stalker yourself dear. You might want to check that."

Harriet made a face. "I'm not stalking her. I sit in on some of Spock's classes. I also make it a point for him to talk about how his day is going. The topic of his prize students invariably comes up."

"Are you jealous?"

Harriet turned an incredulous face toward her. "…"

Mrs. Thurston outright laughed. "O, don't look at me like that." She finished with the till and passed Harriet the keycard to the coder on the front door. "Here, go lock up. I'll make you a cup of coffee and we can talk about it. Are you a fan of that ole Irish cream?"

"Is it the alcoholic kind?"


If we show up, we gon' show out

Smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy


It was another one of those Thursday nights where Spock's official obligations coincided with one of their outings. This time, however, the event itself was a more or less open affair that allowed Spock to bring a guest. Of course, he hadn't mentioned that when he'd originally told her the officers were having a 'small get together' on his usual night with her and thus had to reschedule their outing. However, by the time she'd finished teasing the details out of him, she'd already made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that she would be attending with him – to observe [pfft].

Actually, it was a rather big deal for Harriet. Just the thought of the whole affair was depressing her 'danger! danger! Will Robinson' button without relief. 'Officers! A whole room of them! Merlin's soggy pants, why am I getting myself involved in this?!'

Truthfully, Harriet saw it as something akin to a midterm exam; if she could attend an officer's party, and stay the whole night without freaking out, she might just be able to stay on ship with the ars* -cough - people for extended periods of time. Sure, she regularly attended classes with the midshipmen but they were currently still wet behind the ears and didn't know a thing about her she didn't want them to know. It was the brass that annoyed and fed her paranoia in equal parts.

'It's not paranoia if they're actually out to get you' [but are they though? or are you letting them get to you?]

She had several options. One, she could go as herself and see what happened. From what she'd gathered [*cough hacked *cough use of legilimens without shame or remorse *cough], most of Starfleet wasn't actually read in on her. Given the type of security threat she supposedly posed (and actually they were quite correct she was a threat, even if they underestimated how much), how easily she had evaded them for months, and how she could easily disappear again if she chose, it made sense they would keep what the greater public knew about her to a minimum.

That being said, if she went as herself, there was no going back. Not that it mattered at this point; her attendance at the Academy as a civilian had already put her person on the map so to speak and, if it hadn't, the shenanigans she had planned for the upcoming months would. But showing up as Spock's plus one had implications other than friendship and could have potential long-term consequences, particularly if Starfleet decided to start thinking they could use Spock as a means of controlling her.

'In a way, they already do… To further their false sense of security or not… Or, go just to see their reactions to stick in the mud Spock having a plus one and relish the fact that Spock had no idea what she was plotting … well.'

Option 2, she could go under a glamor. Given that only Spock was like to notice, it wasn't a bad idea. Naturally, she'd have to clue Spock in ahead of time. How would his Vulcan sensibilities respond to that little bit of deception?

'It's not like either of us is telling an outright lie… just misrepresenting the truth.' [the difference?] But then everyone would want to know who she was and she'd have to invent an alter ego. 'Hassle.'

Option 3, she could not go at all. 'Huh… why does that feel like it's not really an option?' Was she getting possessive? 'That's a thought.'

Going to the shindig didn't really do anything for her though. In fact, other than exposure, she didn't gain anything.

'Well, maybe a few contacts and some black mail material. And a few smiles and polite conversations go a long way to fostering a false sense of security amongst the top brass.'

But why bother? In the end, she didn't foresee any business opportunities, she didn't really care for Starfleet in general, much less its officer corps, and Spock didn't expect her to accompany him anyways.

'Decisions, decisions.' Sigh. 'The temptation's just too great. Time to do some shopping!' ... Or should she go to the Vulcan embassy again and see if she got inspired?

Either way, she was gonna make oblivious Spocky pocky poo soooo confused. O, Amanda will be so pleased.


I'm too hot (hot damn)

Called a police and a fireman

I'm too hot (hot damn)

Make a dragon wanna retire man

I'm too hot (hot damn) …


'Shenanigans' was exactly what Harriet was up to. Bones couldn't decide if he was horrified or amused as he watched Hari walk along a path to the Sciences building with Spock. On the one hand, when she mentioned she'd befriended a Vulcan, he hadn't suspected it was that thrice damned green blooded hobgoblin Spock. How the hell had that happened? It was unnatural.

It was also unnatural how they could go from being near polar opposites – Hari generally cordial and relaxed to Spock being a bloody emotionless, unyielding prick – to near twins, with Hari becoming suddenly rigid, distant, and all … logical.

It seemed she was even getting pretty decent at the language too, which was surprising as all hell – apparently even the best non-native speakers couldn't imitate the accent she was using and it was driving some of the xenolinguistics students mad, especially with her not even being a midshipman.

Then there were those elaborate Vulcan hairstyles she would randomly wear. 'What the hell is she thinking?'

On the other hand, he could see why she found it so amusing. Her open friendship with the Vulcan, and his ease in her presence, continued to surprise the hell out of everyone. For the first few weeks of Hari's 'assault,' even some of the Academy's professors had been left gaping, and that was after rumors of their dating had resurfaced. Resurfaced! 'When the hell had those rumors started?'

Then she had started mimicking him for the apparent hell of it and Spock either hadn't noticed or hadn't cared. If any other midshipmen, or hell, professor, had done the same, they would have been issued a severely worded reprimand in conjunction with a mandated remedial race relations sensitivity course.

Then, she'd convinced Spock to have his lunch with her in the section of the mess hall designated for officers once a week. He wasn't sure how she'd even managed to get in that area but Commander Sylvic's shock when they both sat down with home made lunches was priceless (his food had actually fallen out of his mouth, he was so surprised).

It was carefully planned mayhem. If she'd done it all at once, it might not have become the ongoing cinema worthy drama that was regularly fueling campus gossip. No, instead she had to do it in carefully planned stages meant to both insinuate the inferiority of the midshipmen and terrorize Spock. Of course, she'd called it helping him seem more approachable but his bet was on the 'green blooded elf' not understanding, and surely not appreciating in the least, why more students and teachers were attempting to reach out to him.

'At least she had the decency to warn me before hand.' He was still curious why she was targeting the midshipmen though. Bones snorted and continued on to his next lab. 'Women.'


Before we leave

Lemmi tell y'all a lil' something …


"Mother."

"Spock! I find that I have been enjoying many of your calls lately." She was always delighted when her son called her, especially of late. Her son's confusion surrounding Hari was amusing and while she enjoyed getting updates from the girl, she particularly enjoyed seeing the expressions her son tried so hard to hide cross his face.

"Lately, I have regularly found myself in need of guidance regarding Terran behavior."

"Is this in regards to the experiment you are pursuing with Hari?"

"I… have no definitive answer to your question."

Oh? "How so?"

"The answer in some aspects is yes and, in others, no. Yes, Harriet's efforts to explore the depths of life and humanity have been instructive and have been the source of many stimulating conversations regarding human behavior. It has likewise been instructive to share the results of these conversations with you and to have your input. It is also possible that the topic I wish to discuss is directly related to this endeavor."

"But?"

"The answer is also no. My current inquiry surrounds Harriet's recent behavior in particular. I am unable to see how her efforts advance our endeavors."

"Oh? What has she done?" This was going to be good. Hari had already given her an overview of "Operation: Spocktastic" but she hadn't given her any details. Hari had only stated that she would eventually send pictures.

"She has done many things. Individually they are not all significant as I have noted that Harriet often indulges in activities for the sake of eliciting particular reactions."

"However?"

"It seems as though her efforts have been doubled or perhaps she is attempting to evoke more complex responses."

She gave Spock a slow, mischievous smile. "My son, I cannot help you assess her actions if I do not know what she has done."

"She has stated that she is making an effort to make me more approachable. However, I suspect that is not her true motive. So far, she has made marked efforts to engage with me in full view of the Academy's body where before she preferred to engage in interactions in locations that were distant from the Academy. She also insisted on attending a formal officer's event with me where she made it a point to greet most of the staff, including my new commanding officer, Captain Pike. Further, in addition to attempting to speak the language more fluently, her efforts to increase her understanding of Vulcan culture … have become more pronounced."

She couldn't help but let out a small laugh, thoroughly amused with her son's confusion. "Ah, yes, she asked me some time ago to send her some sketches of Vulcan women's fashion and hairstyles. I take it she has been putting them to good use?" 'Don't laugh more. He won't appreciate it.'

"… I cannot say."

"Do you find her or her efforts displeasing?"

Spock frowned ever so slightly. "I cannot say they are displeasing" Ha! "But I do not see how that relates to understanding the motives behind her actions."

Her eyes had to be outright twinkling by this point. "Have you ever considered that she may just enjoy confusing your cohorts and students for the pleasure of it?" 'Or that perhaps she's claiming her territory?' She personally hoped it was a mixture of both.

"To what end?"

She hummed. "That is a good question. Have you considered asking her that question specifically?"

"… I do not believe she will answer it." He was right – Hari would probably just laugh and keep at it. Hari was hard to pin down but she would have to start questioning her more pointedly herself. But first, she needed details.

"Perhaps you should start at the beginning Spock. I believe I have allocated sufficient time for your call."


Come on, dance

Jump on it

If you sexy then flaunt it

Well it's Saturday night and we in the spot

Don't believe me just watch, come on!


Regardless of the reasons behind Harriet's actions, at least one First-class midshipmen, one Nyota Uhura, remained undeterred. As the saying once went: Bring It.


AN 4: This is the longest chapter I've written to date in any story. Phew. It was exhausting and I'd like to know what you thought of the effort. Should I push for longer chapters with one theme, keep the multiple themes format, or just mix it up as I go? (Please keep in mind I'm already several chapters ahead by the time I post.)

Prompt: SongFic: Uptown Funk (Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars); 4,000 words (I dare ya!)