AN: I actually had a hard time writing this chapter and I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with it. Let me know what you think!
1. Roasting
Harriet had to wonder about her coping mechanisms. Predictably, given her life and her experience, she had several but given one of her coping mechanisms was the source of her current melancholy, she'd have to pick another one.
Naturally, her second favorite go to was coffee: the nectar of the gods.
So two problems: first, quiet contemplation over a cup of heaven wasn't really working in her favor at the moment and, second, did she believe in a god or gods? Faith, after all, was supposed to be another pillar of support as one underwent the grieving process.
But back to that later. Or never. It was really rather confusing to address that particular topic when Death was an animate, if incorporeal, being that had its own way of viewing and interacting with the world.
Now, back to coffee, the Hero Water of this existence. Right, well, on the matter of coffee, there were a variety of coffee related activities that she could indulge in that produced a more zen like state than quiet contemplation over a cup of Mrs. Thurston's finest – one of which was roasting.
Mrs. Thurston didn't have an old-style industrial drum roaster so Harriet had invested in a home use hot air roaster for her. Then, she'd set up a small area in the back where she could sort through a small batch of a fresh sampler bag of green beans and experiment to her heart's content. Even though she only made small batches and limited sales, she enjoyed those mornings where she got to play with the various flavor profiles she could create.
She loved watching the beans begin to yellow, emitting a fresh, grassy smell, as it then began to steam ever so slightly as the bean's water content dissipated. The sound of the first crack, the sign that the roasting is well and truly underway, also never failed to make her smile, even as she slowly breathed in that City Roast smell.
When it struck her fancy, there were also times when she continued the roasting process and went for that second, satisfying crack that heralded the arrival of what was sure to be a beautiful Vienna. Sometimes, the sound of the potential shrapnel, those pieces of bean that were blown away during that second, resounding crack, brought her out of her reverie, but that little jump of surprise that always caught her slightly off guard made her smile just a bit more.
Today, she was going just beyond the beginning of the second crack, allowing the roast to become dark and attempting to achieve what would have previously been considered a full French Roast. The smell became more pungent as the sugars in the beans burned completely but the challenge of finding that sweet spot between a successful darkening and the failure of the charcoal stage appealed to her.
Once the beans reached that stage, she would remove them from the heat and allow them to cool completely. Then, the beans would rest for another five to eight hours in a loosely closed container to allow for peak flavor and body resting. And, by the end of the day, or perhaps tomorrow, she and Mrs. Thurston would indulge in those first few cups and discuss.
But for now, she was so fully engrossed in the experience of roasting that thoughts of faith, support groups, and grieving were temporarily forgotten and life was brighter for it.
2. The Green Machine
Bones' coping mechanisms were no better or worse than her own. She could tell, even though he had never mentioned it, that whatever had happened to make him so disillusioned toward the world and life hadn't been properly dealt with and that he was likely still grieving. Yet he neither indulged in debauchery nor excessive drink and for Harriet that was enough.
For that matter, as far as Harriet was concerned, being able to lean on one's friends during times of need was not only the mark of a solid friendship but also a sign of one's willingness to move forward.
So, while it wasn't exactly the norm, she'd called Bones and asked him to join her at Joe's, knowing he wouldn't allow her to wallow or get into her cups. When he showed up, punctual as usual, in a leather jacket and jeans, he was as happy at seeing her in a bar as she had expected (as in, not at all).
"You shouldn't be here."
"Generally, I wouldn't be but I needed to get out of the house."
Bones gave her a look over before he took a seat at the bar. "Are you at least taking care of yourself?"
"Yes." O, she knew the game. She was actually more surprised Bones had it in him to use some of his psychology training. Best to get it over with.
Harriet began ticking points off on her fingers. "I'm taking care of my body (Physical Illness), I'm eating proper meals, not too much, not too little (Balance Eating), with exception of the drink I'm having tonight, I'm avoiding mood-altering substances (Avoid Mood-Altering Substances), I'm sleeping, if not necessarily well (Balance Sleep), and I've kept up my usual exercise routine (Get Exercise)." And taking her anger out on training dummies was perfectly acceptable, thank you. "So PLEASE don't run down the list on me."
He huffed. "I'm a Doctor. I at least have to ask."
"Right, well you did." Really, she should have expected this but hey, it was another sign that Bones was good people. "So, now it's your turn to be a terrible doctor and engage me in some distraction."
McCoy exhaled hard. "Right, let me get us a drink first."
After he ordered and the drinks had arrived, Harriet plopped her head on her fist and looked at him expectantly.
He gave her a rather unimpressed look. "So what was that emotionless hobgoblin going on about? About having an agreement in place with Starfleet Command?"
"Hmmm." Harriet idly sipped her drink. 'Go figure, it's non-alcoholic.' She sighed – Bones was taking this too seriously [as he should]. "They essentially want me to consider a career as a Starfleet civilian." Mostly anyway.
"In what field?"
"At this point, I'm not entirely sure. Spock's suggested medicine."
McCoy studied her face for a moment. "Are you licensed?"
"Technically? Yes, just not here." She shrugged. "But that's part of the reason they allowed me to sign up for medical classes at the Academy. Once I'm done with the courses, they'll update my profile. And, as implied earlier, they keep tabs on me." At least they tried.
McCoy's face tightened. "So it was less of a compromise and more of a requirement for staying on the right side of the law."
"Not quite. They have very little legal standing and while I've avoided the law, they have nothing on me that proves I broke it. So compromise is still probably the best word for it."
"Why Starfleet then?"
Harriet shrugged again. "In short? Spock." McCoy, holding his drink partially to his face, gave her another look. Harriet let out a small laugh. "Don't look at me like that. He grows on you. Really! He does."
Personally, she thought McCoy's face, as usual, conveyed both his disbelief and disgust rather well.
"At any rate, as payment for attending the Academy, I owe Starfleet some of my time. They had a specific role in mind but given how impractical it is, I'd rather shoot for Medical."
"Even though you don't trust them with your own health?"
"I'm quite healthy, thank you."
McCoy clearly didn't believe her but she had expected that.
What she hadn't expected was the off-duty midshipmen that had rather surprisingly found their wayward way into Joe's bar, and subsequently, by way of a rather green redheaded female (Orion's were rather distinctive that way) to them.
Just after she'd ordered seven rather strong drinks, the Orion turned and spotted McCoy. "McCoy! Fancy seeing you here!"
"Stars Bless." Harriet idly wondered if he was as immune to her pheromones as she was or if the female was on some sort of blocker regime. Considering some of the looks she was getting from the other patrons, she guessed it was some version of the former.
"And who's this? I'm Gaila." She shot a brilliant smile over McCoy's head and extended a hand towards her behind his back.
Harriet raised an eyebrow: this woman steamrolled like a master. However, before McCoy could say anything, she said: "Call me Luna," and politely shook her hand. Thankfully, Bones kept his face as annoyed as it generally was and didn't comment.
"Nice to meet you Luna!" She briefly looked over her shoulder as Bones muttered something uncomplimentary into his drink. "Hey! Uhura, Sophia, McCoy's here."
Harriet looked briefly over her shoulder in the direction Gaila had turned to and spotted, 'Well, well. If it isn't Spock's favorite student… I wonder how this will play out.' The other woman had to be Sophia then.
Harriet, rather upset that her coping session had been interrupted, but still interested in seeing how Spock's student responded to her presence, turned back to McCoy and quietly asked: "Bones, how do you know these people?"
The Orion answered before he had a chance to respond. "O, I know him through Kirk; they're friends."
She vaguely heard him mutter "Damn Jim." And if looks could shatter glass, McCoy would have been without a drink.
"Uhura, Sophia, you know McCoy right? He's one of the doctors attending the Academy and this is his friend Luna!" Her attention swiveled back to them. "Or are you two dating?"
"What? No. What gave you that impression?" Bones was clearly not as mildly amused by the question as Harriet was.
"Wait, I think I've seen you before. Are you a cadet?" So Sophia was just as unconcerned about crashing their quiet night as Gaila was then.
"I attend a few classes at the Academy, yes."
"O! I think I've seen you around campus before. You're the one that doesn't wear the standard uniform, right?"
Gaila's face lit up even more, if that was possible. "Really? That's you?" Harriet was quickly being reminded of why she didn't spend more time than she had to around cadets. She hummed noncommittally. "How did you get an exemption?"
Harriet, bemused, and sorely tempted to join McCoy's silent attempt to make it all go away, stated quite blandly: "I'm not a cadet."
"So you can wear anything you want!?" Merlin, this woman was perky. She was rather surprised - [be polite] … Uhura was beginning to look impatient given how she hadn't said anything yet.
"So why do you wear the same beige get up everyday? You could just wear civilian clothes."
"I could." 'Why is Uhura sticking around? Is she scoping out the competition? Ha! How cute!'
Gaila had a look of concentration on her face. "Wait, does that mean you're that civilian that's dating Commander Spock?" [you didn't even bait her!] Her smile brightened even as she nudged McCoy to say: "Didn't know you were into taken women McCoy."
"I'm not," he gruffed out. "We're just two friends trying to have a drink in peace."
"Sure."
"So how long have you and the Commander been dating?"
Harriet palmed her drink and then tilted her head to the side. 'Bingo!' She mentally rubbed her hands together in anticipation. 'That's why she's still around! How to play this?' How could she protect Spock? [Sure. What other motivation could you have?]
"Spock and I have known each other for a long time."
"I think it's kind of cute." It was nice that Gaila was so reliable in filling in gaps with her own assumptions. "You make him homemade lunches right?"
"Uhn, I do." Uhura was starting to lose her stoicism. Thankfully for her, the bartender chose that time to present Gaila with the drinks she had ordered. ('No! So much more fun to be had!') Galia passed a few to Sophia and Uhura and took the rest herself.
"Well, we can't keep the others waiting too long but don't be a stranger. If you're ever interested in having some fun time with us girls, come find me!" And with that, the three girls headed back to their table.
"Thank the heavens." McCoy put his drink down. "You realize everyone's going to think you just confirmed that you're dating Spock right?"
Harriet gave him a wink closely followed by a mischievous smile. "Just think of how confused he'll be when someone finally gets around to asking him."
McCoy suddenly looked weary. "You're a terrible woman."
"Why thank you."
3. The Vulcan Approach
Harriet was sitting with Spock in his apartment, sharing a quiet cup of Vulcan spice tea (bah!) at his dining table. She'd brought Smaug along and the feline was shamelessly exploring the Vulcan's space as if he owned it ("He needs to get out more! And your house needs a touch more chaos.").
Really, it didn't take a genius to figure out Spock was a poor substitute for a counselor and she should have expected that Spock wouldn't leave the topic be. However, he was a good distraction and she was prepared to have the conversation he wanted to have if it meant settling the issue that was silently stewing between them.
Of course, it helped that Harriet could use some more of her knowledge of psychotherapy to cope with her evolving situation, both in terms of herself and her relationship with Spock.
She wondered how well it would work on a half Vulcan. 'No time like the present.'
As they finished their tea (double bah!), she decided on her approach.
Direct Approach, Steps 1-3: Describe the situation, Express your feelings, and Assert wishes.
"Spock, I need to spend some more time out of the house and you're one of the three people I enjoy spending my free time with. Spending time with people I enjoy being around helps me cope more than seeing a counselor does. While I appreciate that you feel uncomfortable filling this role, I'm beginning to feel like you don't value our friendship. I want you to consider what I'm asking from a non-Vulcan perspective and accept that I'll be over your apartment more often." [too many feels.]
Spock maintained his stoic expression, arms folded on top of each other, considering her words from the other side of the table before he responded.
"I understand that you are attempting to cope more effectively. However, seeing a counselor is the optimal solution. I do not see how our… friendship… is negatively impacted by this assertion."
Steps 4-7: Reinforce, (stay) Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate.
Proper, open posture was important to giving a more confident impression so Harriet inhaled and simultaneously, subtly drew herself up to her full seated height and kept her voice firm and even without a hint of confrontation.
"You may view it as the optimal solution but, given how I feel about Starfleet and my general unwillingness to go, it would actually result in more stress." Spock was unmoved. [still too many feels] "Surely there is an alternative option that we can both agree on Spock."
Spock's face opened up a bit more.
"What if I agree to check in with you regularly? That way you could at least ascertain whether I am doing more harm than good to myself and I can spend more time with you."
"I have already mentioned that I am not a counselor."
"That doesn't mean you aren't equipped to handle some light evaluation. If I were one of your crew and a counselor wasn't immediately available, how would you help them cope?"
Support Primary Approach, steps 1-4: (be) Gentle, (act) Interested, Validate the other's feelings/wants, (use an) Easy manner
"That is not the situation with which we find ourselves."
Gently, she replied: "And yet I find it relevant as I do not believe an appropriate counselor is available. Help me understand why you insist on something that I've not engaged in for decades." Opps! Bloody hell, she hadn't meant to let that slip. She rushed on, hoping to distract. [Pointless.] "What I mean to say is that I understand why you insist but I'm just not comfortable with them, so kindly help me find a compromise."
Spock's eyes had widened ever so at her slip but now they narrowed slightly. "A compromise … would be acceptable. However, I do not believe I can adequately assess your recovery."
"But you know me well enough to adequately assess whether I am emotionally compromised to the point of being unable to function effectively, right? That is all that is needed." She laughed light heartedly. "Well, well enough to know when I'm having one of my typical emotional outbursts versus when I genuinely have a difficult day; your response to my state at the shop is proof enough of that."
An eyebrow rose just so as he briefly considered her.
"Have you considered meditation?"
She cocked her head. "What kind of meditation?"
Harriet left approximately an hour later, quite content with the calm that meditation inspired, conveniently carrying a Smaug-less cat carrier with a knowing smile.
4. A Mother's Approach
Amanda, now quite close to Hari, and slightly dependent on her updates regarding her son, was happy to receive her call. She was pleased to note Hari was wearing another Vulcan inspired hairstyle that she wore quite well. However, she became a bit bit worried when the girl hesitated ever so slightly after they shared opening pleasantries.
Of all the things that Harriet could have been concerned about, however, she hadn't quite been expecting this one.
"Amanda, I'm pretty sure now that one of Spock's students is more than academically inclined toward him."
"Oh? Is Spock aware of it?"
"It's difficult to say as he's yet to mention anything. Should I ask him about it? Should we be worried?"
Seeing her opportunity, she smiled. "I think the better question is whether or not you are worried?"
Harriet bit her lip, somewhat indecisive, then sighed. "If I'm honest, yes, I am."
Hope now firmly renewed, she asked a deceptively simple question: "Why?"
Harriet leaned back from the console. "Hmm, I'm concerned for him. If things continue this way, it would put his career in jeopardy."
With a motherly smile, she asked a second deceptively simple question: "Is that all?"
Harriet frowned. "What do you mean?"
Amanda let out a soft huff. "I'm asking, Hari dear, if his career is the only thing you're concerned about?" In the wake of Hari's continued, somewhat confused silence, she continued with a light smile and mischief in her eye. "Are you perhaps concerned about how a relationship with this other woman would affect your own relationship with Spock?"
Harriet's eyes widened. "Wha-!"
Amanda raised a hand and cut her off. "Think on it before you respond. You and Spock have a very close relationship Hari, one which I believe may be teetering on the other side of friendship and something more intimate." Harriet's eyes were like saucers. Amanda chuckled, not unkindly. "You don't have to tell me what you find as a result but think on it." She smiled softly. "Now, why did Spock send me a message asking after your well being? Did something happen?"
Harriet's jaw worked before she visibly gathered herself. Even then, she still stuttered out her response. Amanda found it all rather cute until she finished her sentence. "He, ah, well, he's concerned because I, ah, won't go see a counselor about, ah, something."
She frowned in worry. "It must have been serious if he thinks you should see a counselor." Or it could be that her son simply didn't know how to handle the emotional side of whatever Harriet had gone through.
Harriet shook her head slowly, still slightly off kilter. "I suppose, well…" Harriet sighed.
"If it's too difficult to discuss, then we can pursue a different topic." She frowned worriedly. "However, if that is the case, then I, too, would also suggest you speak with a counselor."
Harriet looked off to the side briefly before taking a deep breath. "No, no, it's not too difficult to discuss. I've mentioned that I'm a healer, yes?" Amanda nodded. "Well, I lost a patient last week, a small child."
"O, Hari. I'm so sorry."
"No, no, don't be. I … I did everything thing that I could really and I can't keep beating myself up over it." Harriet looked off to the side again.
Amanda turned compassionate eyes on her. "If you did your best then you did your best. No one could ever ask for more." How she wished she could give Hari a hug!
Harriet nodded, biting her lip. "I know, and I'm working through it. And I know insisting on a counselor is just his way of showing that he's worried about me but it's starting to get annoying."
Amanda smiled sadly. "That's what friends and family do Hari; they worry about each other and insist on being there for us when we need it. Vulcans just display their worry differently than others."
"I know, I do, I'm just tired of it." Then Harriet gave her a slight smile. "I think we've reached an acceptable compromise though." Amanda's face perked up a little in silent inquiry. "He agreed to spending more time with me until things start feeling normal again as long as I spend some of that time meditating with him. It's been surprisingly helpful."
Amanda nodded her head knowingly. "Most Vulcans use meditation as a way of allowing thought to control one's emotions, enabling self-control, rational thought in times of stress, and peace with one's self. However, the practice also increases acceptance and appreciation of both the realities and beauty of life. Even if you do not pursue it for the same reasons as my son, it is a good practice."
Harriet hummed her response. "Yes, it is. I used to practice more often when I was younger but somewhere along the way I stopped."
"Then take this opportunity to truly accept that you did the best that you could do, that you will continue to do the best that you can do, and that we worry about you because we care about you."
And Amanda sincerely hoped that she would.
AN: The FAST part of the prompt just didn't seem to fit in with the flow of the overall chapter, so it was left out.
Prompt: DEARMAN, PLEASE GIVE FAST; "Can you imagine an Uhura, Gaila, Harriet, make over with Bones stuck in the middle?" (partial fill for Quaff)
