Most of the guys seemed almost excited at the prospect of assisting with the torture and interrogation of Eichi, who I imagined was in the same, or at least a similar holding chamber that I had been placed in upon my initial arrival. I had been offered a front row seat and I was pleased to have Pain decline it on my behalf. It wasn't a person I ever needed to see again.
"No, she needs to be cleaned and treated before debriefing," Pain said flatly as Kakuzu lifted me off the table.
"Oh and he's gonna do that?" Deidara balked, pointing at Kakuzu. "What about Konan?"
"Konan is busy in Amegakure. Kakuzu will handle her just fine." Pain said in a way that declared the decision final before turning to Kakuzu directly. "Bring her to me when you're done."
I swallowed. Things were suddenly serious.
Yes, because they were just so silly before.
Pain didn't get involved with me much, I usually received his orders secondhand through one of the guys, which was fine with me. But now I was being taken down the hall to Kakuzu's room with only an uncomfortable bath and bandaging session between me and a meeting with Pain.
"Take your clothes off," Kakuzu ordered as I sat on a towel laid out on the floor, waiting for the bath to fill.
"Wh-what?" Apparently I had enough energy to squeal. I was practically naked already, wasn't that enough?
"Do you normally bathe with clothes on?" Kakuzu asked rhetorically to indicate my idiocy.
"No, but I don't usually bathe with you either…"
"Just do it. It's nothing I've never seen before," he commanded, a vein in his forehead coming to the surface.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better about it?"
"My job isn't to make you feel better, it's to make you smell less like horseshit and make sure you don't get a staph infection. Clothes. Off. Now."
I glared at him willfully.
"Look," his eyes narrowed, the vein was now pulsing, "you know how easy it would be for me to rip them off you? Take this opportunity I'm affording you, it is a generosity."
And there I was thinking I had gotten past the embarrassing part of my day. The prospect of a warm bath, considering the dank, coolness still residing in my bones, had been very exciting only a few moments ago. Now it seemed like just another form of torture.
I could feel my eyes beginning to mist as the realization set in that this was just something that was going to happen. I stared up at the ceiling in an attempt to will the oncoming tears away, not wanting to get yelled at by Kakuzu for being a crybaby. Honestly, part of me couldn't believe I even had tears left. It truly had been a long night and I idly wondered when I would finally be able to sleep.
Running out of fumes here.
Whatever expressionI made caused Kakuzu to exhale loudly and run his hands down his face, but whatever he was about to say was interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Come in," Kakuzu grunted.
I shrunk at the sight. Itachi slowly pushed the door open with his foot, his hands full of medical supplies. The last time I was in a bathroom with him was very different and I cringed at the now painful memory.
Be cool, Izumi. Be cool.
"You can set them on the counter," Kakuzu said with a nodding gesture. Itachi moved to the vanity and, despite trying to be cool, I watched him from my periphery to see if he'd look at me. It was brief, but he did, he seemed to linger on my face, perhaps because of the tears. The corners of his mouth tugged into the smallest of grimaces. I likely disgusted him with how pathetic I was.
Itachi paused in the doorway on his way out. "I… do you need any assistance, Kakuzu?" Itachi asked with some hesitation.
"No," I answered quickly, quietly, despite the question not being for me. Itachi stalled, casting a fleeting glance over me once more before looking back to Kakuzu.
"You heard the girl," he said gruffly. Itachi left without another word.
Suddenly I didn't care as much about my current predicament. It had become a sliding scale and knowing that one option had been both Kakuzu and Itachi performing this cleaning... well, it made just Kakuzu seem that much more bearable. I moved slowly against my sore muscles to pull off my bra.
"Complying now?" Kakuzu noted as he turned the water off, tub full enough.
"Trying to anyway…" I mumbled, my arms straining and fingers fumbling but I eventually got it, a pulse of heat singing my cheeks regardless of Kakuzu not even looking in my direction.
Despite my rather successful bra removal, attempts to pull my undies off were dismal and wrought with strained noises as I struggled to lift my body weight up.
You wanna talk about pathetic? Thank God Itachi isn't here for this...
"Kakuzu…" I said weakly, coated thick with embarrassment. He glanced back at me from over his shoulder. "I'm sorry… I can't..." I strained, trying to push myself up using my abused knees but they were in no mood. I felt so small in so many ways.
I winced in waiting for him to tell me I was useless but surprisingly, it didn't come. He stopped what he was doing and knelt beside me to lift my bottom and tug the last piece of clothing off. His touch didn't linger, nor did he look at me in any way that didn't seem like it was simply assessing the extent of my injuries.
"Stop apologizing," he said with annoyance, lifting me up from my position on the floor and lowering me into the tub. The water burned against my cold skin at first but I quickly adjusted and let out a grateful sigh as the heat enveloped me. I instinctually left my arms to hover over my chest and I crossed my legs tightly.
Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You don't need to do that. I don't view you that way," he said blankly as he readied a washcloth with some soap. Looking at the water I could see it had already become slightly discolored from the grime and blood floating off my body.
"I know that… I don't just assume everyone takes some special interest in me," I said defensively, feeling like he was taking a similar jab that Itachi had.
He regarded me but chose not to respond, instead throwing the soapy, wet wash cloth at my face.
"Wash up as best you can, I'll take care of what you can't after," he muttered, taking a seat on the towel and staring blankly at the wall.
"Ugh, you got soap in my eye," I whined, snatching the cloth from my face and blinking madly.
"Maybe if you weren't so concerned with covering up you would have caught it," Kakuzu countered.
I snorted. "Yes, with the stellar reflexes I have going on right now… or ever."
He didn't indulge me with further conversation and I didn't mind that. I washed myself in silence as best I could, wanting nothing more than to just close my eyes and sink into sleep. The heat of the water made it difficult to resist doing so. I sat upright in the tub and let my head lean against the wall as I absently scrubbed at a spot of tree sap on my shoulder.
"Kakuzu…"
"Hm?"
"I'm tired…"
"I'd rather you be finished. Are you finished?"
"Yeah, I think so," I said, feeling like it was at least good enough. I heard him shift behind me, soon appearing at my side and hunkering down. I handed him the cloth over my shoulder and leaned forward to give him better access to my back.
"This water is filthy."
"You have a keen eye," I agreed lazily. He scoffed at my sarcasm and went to work.
I remembered the first time I met Kakuzu all those months ago, and the man at my side now, while largely the same, was not entirely the same. He was somewhat gentle with me, working the cloth more carefully around deeper wounds. This was something he was good at, whether or not he wanted to admit it. I closed my eyes.
"What did you do, fall down a cliff?" His deep voice broke the peace and I snapped awake. He was in the middle of pulling a long sliver of wood from my shoulder blade.
"Mm something like that..." I affirmed with a yawn.
Even without looking at him I could tell he was shaking his head. I heard the irritated sigh that so often came with it.
"Kakuzu…"
"Hm?"
"I'm so tired…"
He was silent for a time. "I know," he eventually said. A moment later I felt a weight on my head and I realized it was his hand giving me some form of awkward, stationary pat. I sighed into it, shutting my lids. However stiff and hesitant it may have been, it was nice. I wondered if there was a sense of catharsis in it for Kakuzu, having to care for me in this way. Like maybe it was an opportunity to do what he never could for his daughter in some regard.
"Why can't I just sleep?" I groaned.
"I imagine once you fall asleep, you'll be out for a while. Your body is exhausted. Pain is impatient."
"Is he… going to get rid of me?" The question had encompassed quite a few of my thoughts as of late.
"I don't know," Kakuzu said honestly after a moment of contemplation, pulling his hand back. "You are a pain in the ass."
"That and I haven't really remembered anything useful… kind of starting to feel like I'm more trouble than I'm worth," I said quietly, frowning at the sullied water.
"You would be better off if he did. Look what happens to you here." He finished plucking out the last of the wood bits and washed over the area.
I shook my head. "He'll kill me, not like he'd ever just let me go..."
Silence. He must have known I was right.
"...I'm not sure he'd get away with that." Kakuzu said eventually.
"What do you mean?"
"People seem to like you, for whatever reason."
"Are you included in these 'people' in this clearly hypothetical scenario?" I asked with my suspicions. The awkward pat may have given him away.
He grunted. "Don't ask me stupid questions."
He pushed himself up and plucked out the drain cover. The brownish water gurgled and I just sat there watching it empty as Kakuzu fiddled with the shower head to rinse me off and wash my hair.
I did feel better after, though if anything, I was even more ready for sleep. Kakuzu had me sit on his bed as he wrapped my torso tightly in a long bandage to cover the smattering of injuries on my back and helped me into a clean pair of undergarments. I was infinitely thankful he was such a consummate professional, to the point that I felt silly for even being worried in the first place about undressing in front of him. By the end, my embarrassment had mostly receded.
Mostly.
I felt my eyes lulling as he went about treating my various, smaller wounds and I idly traced along a winding stitched pattern on his arm to stay occupied, counting the individual stitches. He glanced over initially with irritation as if to ask what I was doing, but after a moment, he seemed to allow it.
I was surprised when he broke the silence yet again.
"I found your socks."
I smiled. "Can't imagine they'll fit you," I speculated.
"It's unlikely," he agreed, pausing before he continued. "That was smart, you know."
Is this… a compliment… from Kakuzu? Should we… see if he's feeling alright?
No. I'd let him have this. It sounded like it physically pained him to give it to me in the first place so I certainly didn't want to discourage him from being nice by teasing him about it. Not this time, anyway.
"I thought it might help you guys find me… fat lot of good that did me," I muttered.
"It pointed us towards him," he said in a way that made me think he considered it no small feat, coming from me anyway. I sensed the bar was low when it came to me.
He had finished at that point, capping the various medicinal concoctions and stowing them once more. He grabbed the set of clothes tucked into the supplies Itachi brought in and I realized, much to my displeasure, that they were a set of Itachi's clothes.
"Mmn," I made an uncomfortable noise as he set them next to me and I stared down at them as if they'd personally affronted me.
"What now?" he groaned
"I just… is there anything else?" I asked very mouse-like.
Kakuzu looked between me and the set of clothes. It was always hard to tell with him but he seemed to be thinking, analyzing.
"No one will have anything that fits you."
"I know that…" I muttered, staring at the bedspread.
"You don't want them because they're his," he said. "Something happened between you two." He was just thinking aloud at that point.
"I don't want to know," he concluded, not really looking for a response, and I didn't give him one.
I watched curiously as he fumbled through his drawers like he couldn't find what he wanted before settling on one of the many black tank tops that filled it.
"Here. It's a… dress," He said, motioning for me to lift my arms, and I did with some effort. Looking down at myself I couldn't help but giggle, albeit tiredly. He was not wrong.
"Good. Let's go," Kakuzu said with one final appraisal before hefting me up into his arms. I let my head rest against his shoulder as we made our way to the meeting room.
"Hey, Kakuzu?"
"Hm?"
"I think… if things were different, if you chose a different path I mean. I think you would have been a good dad, for what it's worth..." I said, still tracing and counting the stitches up by his shoulder.
He paused for a moment and I could tell I caught him off guard. He didn't seem to know what to say but eventually settled on, "don't be stupid." But his heart wasn't in it and I couldn't help but smile to myself.
"But that's kind of my thing," I protested.
"Fine, but don't be stupid in there," he nodded toward the double doors as we approached.
"I'll try."
"Izumi…" he grumbled, annoyed at my lackadaisical response.
"If he goes to kill me, will you stop him?"
"No."
"Please?"
He paused just outside the door.
"I'll try." He used my own line against me.
"Touché…" I murmured as he pushed the door in with his foot.
Pain's eyes trained onto me as we crossed the chamber. Kakuzu set me in the chair across from him. The meeting table was massive, practically a monument in the otherwise empty room, so there was still quite a distance between us. Part of me was thankful to be kind of far from Pain as he sometimes threatened the unauthorized use of my bowels, to put it politely. But the other part of me was not looking forward to having to yell across the table as that required energy and a voice.
Oof, sorry pal, we're not-so-fresh out.
Pain gave Kakuzu a nod and told him to get the others if they were finished with Eichi. Kakuzu left curtly, leaving me alone under the spiraling stare of Pain. The look Kakuzu flashed me on his way out reminded me not to be stupid.
"You've been causing trouble, Izumi." Pain started in guns blazing apparently.
I winced. "Ugh… you're going to kill me, aren't you?"
Hey, that's the stupid stuff Kakuzu was warning you against.
I didn't have the energy to form a smart response.
"Hm, tempting, but no." Pain said. I couldn't tell if it was his attempt at a joke or not. "I will say, Orochimaru's borderline obsessive attempts to retrieve you have me very invested in maintaining your residence here. It does make me wonder if he knows something I don't."
I don't think I could have sighed any bigger. It was a tsunami of relief.
"For the sake of transparency, I will also say that I had considered the possibility you were working with the subordinate to escape, but seeing as how you seemingly took measures to return, that is no longer a concern. At this point I'm just looking for you to recount the events from the moment of your capture so I can corroborate Eichi's story."
I was mechanical in my retelling. I had to be. My brain battery was at 1% and I wasn't feeling especially performative or creative. This seemed to suit Pain just fine. He listened intently enough and even nodded in understanding from time to time. As I went on, people began filing in and Pain gestured for me to continue anyway. I hated that Itachi sat next to Pain because I wasn't able to look at Pain without seeing him.
"So that's when Kisame found me," I concluded with a huff, rubbing my eyes.
Pain sat back in his chair thoughtfully, his fingertips pressing against each other. "You're more clever than I gave you credit for, Izumi. Using your abilities to force the flow of the river, even the waterfall, in the opposite direction… it's an ordinary feat for someone like Kisame but for you… you haven't been training, have you?" Pain asked, his eyes narrowed in such a way that made me think "yes" would be the wrong answer. I couldn't tell if my face went red as I thought back to my singular "training session" but I certainly felt baking under the heat of that question.
"Just lucky to manage it in the heat of the moment I guess. It… it wasn't easy," I said, avoiding Itachi's searing stare. He seemed to decompress a little after I answered.
Nice. Technically the truth, the best kind of truth.
Despite the awful things Itachi had said to me, I got the impression that Pain would have been none too pleased to find that not only had I trained, albeit only a little, but someone had actually trained me. Itachi being that someone. Pain seemed to prefer me good and helpless. I suppose it made me easier to manage.
Why are we protecting him after what he did?
I wasn't sure. But I would continue to do so in all of my unsureness.
"Well, I won't complain about luck being on our side. Itachi, any update from the interrogation?" Pain asked.
Itachi dabbed at his eye in answering. "The subordinate has… expired. We were able to obtain some valuable information beforehand."
"Good work," Pain praised with an approving nod in waiting for said information.
Aw, what a good manager. Positive reinforcement is so important.
I was supposed to not be stupid so I quickly shushed my inner dialogue, lest comments like that come out of my mouth.
Itachi went on. "As suspected, he was a spy for Orochimaru, his order to deliver the subject to his master. Prior to that, he'd been feeding him information on the Akatsuki since Orochimaru's departure."
"So yes, I fucked you."
I needed to stop thinking about that and pay attention. Though if he would have stopped calling me "the subject" I'd have an easier time forgetting his sudden detachment. I tried to focus and listen to the words he was saying now rather than thinking of the ones he said then.
"He also divulged that Orochimaru has a sample of the subject's blood but is actively avoiding using the agony curse because there is concern regarding potential permanent damage considering the subject's fragility. He is, however, running out of options now."
"So yes, I fucked you."
Every time he called me "the subject" I wanted to disappear.
Pain looked largely unperturbed. "To increase security we've arranged a room for Izumi. We will be ramping up our plans to capture the tails beasts very shortly so she will need a secure location while we are indisposed with those activities anyway. Subordinates will not be permitted access, also currently employed subordinates will be undergoing screenings to assess their allegiances. Without Eichi feeding Orichimaru information, it should be harder for him to track down Izumi's location should she leave base, so that frees up more options regarding travel."
Pain snapped his head in my direction, speaking directly to me. "Izumi. We need to see results soon."
I swallowed hard and nodded in understanding.
Sure, we'll just remember better, because that's something we totally have control over.
"Was there anything else, Itachi?" Pain asked, slipping some papers into a file folder in front of him. Hidan on the other side of Pain was craning his head to look at them, looking bored as ever.
"Just one thing. The man we've run into on several occasions now... his name is Aki, and according to the subordinate, he is Orochimaru's son."
The world tilted on its axis and I felt myself sliding out of my chair. I grabbed ahold of the edges to maintain an upright position. How could that be? I saw myself holding him as a baby, only a child myself, and I felt somewhere deep within me that we were connected somehow… like perhaps we were even related...
The part that horrified me the most was thinking that maybe that was still true...
Could I also be Orochimaru's child? Is that why he wants me so bad, he's just taking what's his?
I didn't know what to make of the information. The wheels were turning but I wasn't going anywhere. It was something I would need to address later when I had a properly functioning brain and not jellyfish brain.
"Interesting. I wasn't aware that Orochimaru had any kin... He certainly has his secrets… it would seem that is all then." Pain ended the meeting and I impatiently waited for someone to gather me, cursing my useless, balloon knees.
I idly wished they were filled with helium so I could float off.
My eyes went into overtime to nab someone's attention as I noticed Itachi bee lining for me with a very unforgiving face. My attempts were fruitless and Itachi was quickly upon me.
"Why didn't you tell me about the blood? He told me you knew." He started in, his words clipped and concise.
Guess we're skipping the small talk then.
"I was going to yesterday... but then I… I wasn't sure it would matter to you. I didn't want to bother you..." I was proud of myself for stringing together a whole sentence with minimal stuttering under the very severe gaze of Itachi Uchiha.
"Of course it matters, it is quite literally my job, Izumi," The frustration was plain in his voice. "I need to know about these things and be prepared. I can't just be at your beck and call at any given moment."
"I don't expect that… I-I don't expect anything. I was prepared to just handle it on my own," I said, my breath becoming increasingly shallow.
"Izumi…" his throat produced some sort of odd, helpless grunt. "If something had happened to you… and I could have helped if only I'd known… I would have..." he abruptly paused again with shogi face before continuing, "I would have looked incompetent to Pain. This is my livelihood at stake here. You need to tell me these things."
It's not that I didn't hear him because I did, with remarkable, painful clarity as I was informed for the first time how much his employment under Pain meant to him and how high it ranked compared to little ol' me at the bottom of the barrel. Yeah, no, I heard him loud and clear, and had I not been distracted by the red bead of blood begging to spill over the edge of Itachi's lower left eyelid, I probably would have already burst into tears. I was that done.
"Itachi… you're bleeding," I said quietly, not even thinking as I reached up to blot away the crimson tear. He seemed genuinely stunned, whether it was at the blood or my reach, I wasn't sure. His hand fell atop mine, holding it there against his face for a moment, his eyes flitting shut for the briefest of moments.
I was foolish in thinking that he was comforted by the touch somehow, but I quickly realized my mistake in misreading him. When his eyes snapped open there was only indignation, his hand twisting to clamp around mine and push it back at me.
"Please do not change the subject. Is there anything else I need to know about that you've been keeping from me?" His voice was raised at me again.
"N-no… I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean t-to..." I eked out through the tears as my face immediately began to leak upon opening my mouth. I felt so incredibly small as he towered over my sitting form and I couldn't help but clutch myself by the shoulders. It was the closest I could get to disappearing.
"Ah… I didn't... " Itachi sounded so quiet and torn, his hand shooting out towards me in a rushed, instinctive motion, but froze in place before pulling back and falling to his side.
"You're tired. Let me bring you to your room," he said quietly, almost defeated. It was the closest semblance to the Itachi I had known and I was just so confused by it all. All I could manage was to shake my head and frantically search the room for anyone to notice me, but most people were still chatting amongst themselves, mostly about the interrogation.
"Izumi… please. I can bring you, it would fall under the professional umbrella." He was referring to his comment about not interacting unless required by our "professional terms". That just made it worse somehow. I bit my lip in an attempt to disguise my increasingly dour expression and shook my head even more frantically.
Finally I managed to lock my pleading eyes with Kisame. He was speaking with Kakuzu but as soon as he saw me, he quickly gestured that he needed a moment before rushing over.
"Heyyy kiddo, everything okay?" He asked, already knowing the answer based on the uneasy look softening his blunt features. His eyes passed from my distraught form to Itachi's and narrowed.
I could feel my own face turning sour, like if I ventured to speak I would have no choice but to start sobbing. I just nodded hastily.
I didn't dare look at Itachi, but Kisame mouthed something that looked like "what the fuck" at him.
"Alright, let's get you to your new room. You sure you're okay?" He asked again.
The floodgates broke as soon as I opened my mouth, as I suspected. "I'm just… so tired. I don't f-feel good," I said for the thousandth time that day, tears streaming and my arms out for him to take me away. I was just so beyond ready for that nightmare of a day to be behind me. He immediately obliged and I felt like a child the way he carried me against the front of him, somewhat on his hip, my arms wrapped around his neck as I buried my tear-soaked face into his cloak.
"The hell are you thinking? Look at her for fuck's sake," Kisame whisper-hissed at Itachi, as if I wouldn't hear over my own crying, which to my credit, wasn't all that audible. Maybe he thought I was too deep in my own emotions. Regardless, nothing else was said as we made our leave.
"Kisame," I said quietly into his shoulder as he travelled down the hallways.
"You should take it easy, Iz. We can talk when you wake up."
"I messed it up…I tried to do what you said but he… he really does not like me."
Now it was Kisame making the frustrated sounds, some sort of exasperated sigh. "No… no, it's not like that. He's just… he's just Itachi. We're gonna take a break from him, alright?"
"I told him… I told him I loved him, Kisame… was that stupid?" I asked, cringing.
I felt him pause in his gait, halting our path down the hallway. The arm supporting my back squeezed me tightly against his chest as he released a heavy sigh.
"Ugh, kid… you really did try, didn't you?"
I nodded lethargically.
"Alright… I'm only gonna say this once, okay? Because it hurts my man cred and my general status of badass, so don't even repeat it, it's just for your ears. You got that?"
I nodded again.
"People like us, Itachi, me, the Akatsuki, you get the picture... we don't hear those words. Ever. It's the sacrifice we made when we chose this life. It just comes with the territory. That being said... any one of us would be lucky to hear them at all, lucky to hear them from… I don't know, the fucking human equivalent of a walrus, let alone you. Itachi is the fucking idiot, Iz, not you… not for that reason anyway… some of your puns are pretty bad though, I've been meaning to talk to you about that."
He just couldn't bear to be serious for more than two seconds.
"You're sweet…" I said to his shoulder.
"Don't tell anyone."
"I wouldn't dare, they wouldn't believe me anyway. Also, I'll work on my puns." I said with a yawn.
"Thank God. Hey, you ready to see your room? I heard it has walls and a floor and everything." He said as he pushed open the door with his shoulder.
It was a plain room with four walls, Kisame was not lying. Within those walls was a single bed pushed against the corner, a night stand beside it with one lamp atop, and a simple chest at the foot of the bed. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.
"Geez, Kakuzu really skimped out in the decor department," Kisame murmured to himself as he swiftly pulled back the blankets with a quick yank.
The feeling of that bed, my bed, beneath me was, quite frankly, indescribable. It wasn't a particularly high quality bed as far as beds go, but it was mine and I had been fantasizing about laying in it before I even knew it existed. I vaguely felt Kisame pull the blankets back over me. I twisted my body into a ball beneath them and squeezed out what I hoped would be the last of my tears. He said something but I didn't hear it. I was out.
An Aside: Kisame and Itachi with special guest Hidan
Kisame plopped down at the kitchen table next to Itachi, cup of coffee in hand. It was much later in the afternoon than he would normally enjoy his coffee, but that morning had gotten a bit kerfuffled.
"Hey man, how's your day going? That's cool, let me tell you about mine. You see, I just got done watching Izumi cry herself to sleep in fetal position because some asshole was being a fucking asshole to her. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" Kisame asked casually, taking a sip from his mug.
Itachi closed his eyes, loosing a sigh heavy with fettered embarrassment, his hands pressed together as if in prayer, tapping against his lips anxiously. "I… I don't even know why I talk to her at all. Every time I open my mouth now, I'm making her cry. Even when I'm not trying to."
"So I've noticed," Kisame said pointedly, taking another sip and putting on a pair of readers which were comically small on his large face. He began perusing the half-done crossword out on the table. "You having second thoughts?"
"No…" Itachi said, burning a hole into the table with his stare before releasing a long, breathy huff, "Yes…" he amended. "But I know it's because I am being selfish. I tell myself to stay away but then I… I see she needs help or she's done something dangerous and I can't even stop myself from intervening."
"So just fucking apologize to her man, tell her you're a dumb fuck, this isn't rocket science. She'll forgive you in an instant." Kisame began writing a word down but, with a frown, immediately erased it.
"That's the problem, Kisame. She will and she shouldn't. What I said to her was unforgivable, that is the reason I said it. I didn't want to give myself an out, I knew it would be all too tempting."
"For fuck's sake, don't act like people can't learn from their mistakes. If you never forgave me for half the shit I've said then we wouldn't be having this super fun conversation right now."
Itachi gave Kisame a sideways look, like he wanted for this to be true but was having too difficult a time allowing this leniency for himself, not after what he'd said. Not after he saw how it destroyed her.
"She told me what she said to you," Kisame said, a certain seriousness to him as he wrote the word 'dango' on 36 ACROSS of the crossword. His handwriting needed work.
"Hm?" Itachi questioned absently, his mind barrelling through all his options and potential consequences. He had already played out every match though, and the decision he had made was the most optimal one for her. So he thought.
Although, that was before he knew about the Orochimaru and the blood situation. It was also before he'd gotten a very real glimpse of Hidan with her. Things had become more complicated.
"She hit you with the "L" word," Kisame elaborated.
"Oh… that. Yes… I… I shouldn't have allowed that to happen." He said, shaking his head, continuing to drill into the table.
He had every opportunity to stop her. He had tried somewhat, yes, but he could have done more. He could have literally clapped his hand over her mouth and sent her on her way just as he had afterward anyway. Itachi was not blind to the fact that the sound of those words coming from her lips was both the most enchanting and wretched thing he had ever heard in his life, both for very different reasons. He had sensed it was coming, and his depraved desire to hear it even just once overpowered his logic to spare her from the torture of such an unrequited confession.
Not truly unrequited, of course. But to her knowledge, yes. Very much so.
It was by far the thing he regretted most about that night. And even then, if he could go back, he wasn't sure he would be able to change it. He kept it on loop in his head.
"Can't blame you for wanting to hear but man… she's got it bad. You've got it bad," Kisame eventually said.
Itachi had nothing to say to this. Kisame had no idea how bad he had it. It was much more trying than he'd ever anticipated. It wasn't the worst thing he'd ever done of course, considering he'd taken lives, but he'd been able to run from those misdeeds, bury them and push them down into the darkness so at least he couldn't see them quite so clearly. But this one was different. She was still there, right in front of him every day. He had to hear her laugh and cry, see her lay on a table covered in holes and scrapes and bruises that he could have prevented had he only set aside his own self-loathing and listened to her.
Letting the table have a rest, Itachi glanced over to the crossword. Kisame was writing, then erasing the word "judgment" with a growl. The clue being "divine punishment".
Yes, it did feel that way.
"No you were right, there's just an 'e' in the middle." Itachi pointed out quietly.
Kisame hastily scribbled down "judgement" with an appraising smile. "Hey thanks, Uchiha."
"Mhm…" Back to staring at the table. A moment of silence passed. "Did you see how she looked at me in there?" Itachi groaned, not able to tear his thoughts away from it.
"Keh… I think everyone did, man," Kisame said with a big oof. "Did you see how Hidan looked at her in there?"
Itachi closed his eyes. He couldn't unsee it.
"I don't want to talk about that," Itachi said flatly.
"Well whether or not you want to talk about it, it's happening. Dude is different for her. Fuck, even my pants were a bit charmed off by him."
"You're not helping."
"Neither are you. You're just letting her walk right into that buffoon's arms," Kisame said with a disapproving shake of his head.
"She's allowed to make her own decisions."
"Mm. With the exception of when you make them for her, right?"
Itachi probably should have seen that one coming. Kisame was good at putting things into perspective for him and he wished he had deferred to him prior to any questionable decision-making he'd done recently. Too late now. Itachi tended to get in his head about things and he fully recognized that his tunnel vision, while making him an ideal shinobi at times, did not help with social interactions and nuances, and it certainly didn't help him with Izumi.
He sighed deeply and let out a string of words he could hardly believe he was even vocalizing. "Maybe he'll be good for her. Better than me anyway."
Kisame laughed way too hard at this.
"What? You just said yourself he did something to your pants." Itachi said.
"Hey hey hey now, let's be careful with how we paraphrase things... and fuck you for being funny when you're supposed to be depressing," Kisame said, much more amused than disgruntled. "My point is that charming is not the same as good."
"At least he's one of the two. More than I can speak to."
"Yeesh. I know I requested depressing but maybe dial it back."
"My point remains."
"Yes, he's a very charming, sociopath, and I mean that in a very legitimate, clinical sense."
Sociopath. A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.
Yes. He did seem to fit the bill if you removed Izumi as an outlier. The table really should have been on fire at that point based on the intensity Itachi managed to levy against it.
"What's a seven letter word for 'botch'?" Kisame asked.
"Failure."
"Hm, no. Second letter is 'I'."
"Mistake."
"Mm, nice." He promptly jotted it down.
"I hate irony," Itachi muttered.
"Oh, but it loves you" Kisame said, giving his partner a sideways look.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Think about it, man. You don't see the irony in the fact that you're a pacifist without much time left, and Hidan's a sociopathic warmonger that will live forever? Total opposites, like you couldn't get any more fucking opposite. Hell of a selection she's been given… just saying."
"That's not ironic, it's just unfortunate," Itachi noted drearily.
Kisame took some time to adjust his glasses, pulling them down the bridge of his nose just a bit, looking at Itachi over the top of the lenses to give him a proper disapproving look. "What's unfortunate...is that you pushed her right towards the sociopath. Nice."
"Who's a sociopath?" Hidan's voice came from around the corner as he sauntered in looking even more full of himself than usual. Itachi suddenly had the overwhelming urge to remove his own ears.
"Sasori," Kisame answered casually. "Plus the dude's creepy as hell with that doll shit."
"RIght? Can't trust something that doesn't fucking bleed," Hidan agreed from the fridge, poking around and loading a heap of items into his arms.
Itachi and Kisame otherwise fell silent upon his entrance. Itachi continuing his psychic assault on the table and Kisame writing down and furiously erasing several words on the crossword puzzle.
Hidan paid them no mind, only pausing to acknowledge Itachi on his way out. He leaned into him and spoke pleasantly like it was a perfectly innocent conversation.
"Hey dude, I don't know what the fuck you did but thanks for stepping aside. Izumi... well, she always seemed a little distracted by you so… I think this'll be good for us." He punctuated it with a wink.
"How embarrassing for you that I needed to step aside for her to finally take notice." Itachi couldn't help himself. He knew Hidan was just goading him for a reaction and Itachi was the king of not providing one... so why on earth would he falter now? Pathetic. He needed to get control of himself.
"Nah, what's going to be embarrassing for you is when she finally has a basis of comparison." True to Hidan, the ever crass and foul-mouthed miscreant, he muscled all the food he was carrying into one arm so he could grab his crotch with the other, giving it a bit of a shake in Itachi's direction. Itachi very much wished to remove the smirk from his face.
"Oh boy," Kisame muttered under his breath as Itachi stood quickly, the chair skidding back with a grinding squeal. Itachi managed to maintain his silent composure, though he could hear the blood pumping angrily in his ears. It was not the implication that Hidan's anatomy might be more robust, Itachi was entirely unconcerned with that.
No, it was something else. Something that made him feel like if Hidan could talk about bedding her like this before he'd even done so, how could he possibly trust him to actually care for her?
"Why don't we take it down a notch, children? Hm?" Kisame said, his hands out in calming gesture, motioning for Itachi to sit and Hidan to back off.
"Aw, come on. I was just trying to be fucking polite at first. It's your boy here that turned things around." It was very clear that Hidan was entirely amused with the whole scenario and Itachi's reaction in particular.
"Keh, yeah. Sure. And here I was thinking maybe you changed a bit for her." Kisame said with a tip of his head.
"For her? Absolutely. For you, and fucking you?" he shifted his gaze back to Itachi who was at eye level. "Nah. No fucking way."
The two stared at each other like there was an invisible tether between them and whoever broke it first lost the girl. Itachi was well aware that he'd already done that, yet he played this game anyway. His stone countenance remained unchanged, save for the sharingan flashing to color his eyes with that crimson veil.
Hidan pushed his chin forward in a challenging kind of way, daring Itachi to do something. And oh, how he wanted to. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so enraged that his hands threatened to shake. His face would not reveal this though.
"Tch," Hidan eventually scoffed with a grin. "You're worried I'm gonna hurt her or something? Seems like you beat me to the punch, pal," he said with a cocky smirk.
Itachi had nothing to say to this.
"Yeah, that's what I fucking thought. Get cucked, gentlemen," Hidan chirped as he left.
Kisame lazily lolled his head to look at Itachi. "Nice."
A/N:
I know he's not exactly a fan-fave but I love Daddy Kaku so y'all are effing STUCK with him :3 hehehe
Alright y'all so how are we feeling about pairings? Team Itachi? Hidan? Does anyone have any hope for Deidara anymore lmao?
Thanks for reading!
