49. The Hearing
The hearing was at 9:30 in the morning, which meant we needed to be at the courthouse by 8, which meant we all got up at 6:30. Darry shook us awake, which wasn't easy to do since I'd woken up crying at 4. For the past two weeks, the nightmares had been happening almost every night, but they hadn't been as bad as the one I had the night before our hearing. Usually, I'd wake up crying on my own, without waking Sodapop too. On those mornings, I'd climb out of bed and get a glass of water or go out on the porch for a while, trying to catch the sunset or just staring out at our dark street. Sometimes one of the guys would be over, and if I accidentally woke them, they'd come out onto the porch with me. A few times it had been Steve, and the first time, he'd offered me a cigarette. "I know you said you quit but..."
"I can't," I'd told him with a shrug, and he'd put the pack back in his pocket.
"I probably ought to quit, too. You know, they say these things cause cancer." He'd leaned on the railing beside me, staring out at the dark street. It had been four or five in the morning, so all the lights had been out in every house on our road.
"If you wanna quit, I know a surefire way," I'd told him, my voice dull, and he'd sworn under his breath. For a minute, we'd been quiet, then he'd thrown his arm around me for a second, squeezing me in a rare hug. Then he'd ruffled my hair roughly.
"Go back to bed, kid," he'd ordered, pushing me toward the door, and I'd obeyed.
If it was Johnny, who didn't spend all that many nights at our place anymore, he'd talk to me about New York or the books we'd read there, wondering out loud how Marcus and his friends were. We'd talked to Marcus once on the phone, and Mr. Williams had called about a week after we'd gotten home and had put Sue on the phone. She'd been kind of upset with us, but she'd forgiven us pretty quickly, telling us she hoped everything worked out okay. Johnny and I would talk real quietly for an hour or two out on the porch until our eyes were drooping, and then I'd go back to bed, trying not to wake my brother.
I hated waking Soda. Unlike the nightmares before, I remembered these. And if nothing else, living in that hellhole had cured me of screaming after a nightmare. Instead, I'd half smother myself before either waking up on my own, or Sodapop would pull me away from the pillows and shake me awake. I still felt guilty even though Soda told me again and again that it was okay. He was getting better about going out with Steve after work and not sticking around the house all the time to keep an eye on me, but I'd been to the races with just him and Steve at least four times in the last three weeks, and Steve was weirdly nice to me every time, never complaining.
I'd told Soda once to just try and sleep through it, and he'd looked at me like I'd suggested he smother me with a pillow or something. Then I'd tried just not sleeping, but that had only made it worse. Darry was getting real worried but I think he wanted to wait until after he got full custody to try and take me to the doctor again. Instead, he made sure I was real busy during the day, getting the guys to spend time with me. They didn't mind or nothing…they weren't exactly babysitting. But it was like I had plans every day, watching movies, playing cards and football and going to diners. He made sure I was eating too, and had the guys watching. I wasn't able to eat much, but I tried, and I was almost hungry after all the running around we did.
Johnny and I spent most days together, him coming over on his days off and me going to the grocery store where he worked now when he was on his breaks. Two-Bit was usually the one spending the day with me, although Dally would come by sometimes too. I'd yet to have a day alone since coming home. I didn't mind. I'd missed my friends, and it was good to see them again. And it was fun to hang out with them again. Two-Bit was great, and sometimes Susie would come along, which was cool too.
I think Two-Bit really did miss me.
I washed my face with cold water, trying to wake up. When I went back into the bedroom, Sodapop was tying his tie, and I reached to the back of my closet, pulling out the suit I'd worn to our parent's funeral. I'd never gotten the hang of tying ties, so I fought with it for a few minutes before Soda came over, turning me around and tying it for me, his eyes tired and barely focusing. I muttered my thanks as he ruffled my hair, his own eyes underscored with dark shadows, and once more I felt guilty. I wanted to tell him to go back to bed…that Darry and I would be fine at the hearing, but I knew he'd be hurt and he wouldn't get any rest anyway.
Darry was in the kitchen, making us breakfast, and I wanted to throw my arms around him and just hold on. He'd be worried, though, and Sodapop would too, so I just sat down and ate the eggs Darry put in front of me. As he passed, though, he dropped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing a little. "How'd you sleep kiddo?"
I shrugged, but Soda answered. "He had nightmares again."
"Maybe you ought to sleep in your own room for a little while, Sodapop," Darry suggested. I was about to agree, but Soda gave him the same look he'd given me when I'd suggested he just leave me be. "What was it about, Pone?" he asked, apparently giving up on getting Soda to sleep somewhere else, sitting in the chair beside me.
"Same stuff," I told him with a shrug. I'd only given them the barest details about the nightmares that were haunting me.
Richard. That house. Sometimes Lianne and Rita.
I never told them about the belt in my dream, or the girls hiding behind me or him cornering me in the house alone…I'd never tell them about that. Instead, I kept telling them they were just about Richard hitting me or yelling or something. I didn't want to talk about it. Darry and Soda respected that for the most part, but I wondered how long that would last.
When we had finished eating, Sodapop did the dishes while Darry pulled me aside in the living room. "Officer Charlton's gonna meet us at the courthouse. That social worker too. They're both gonna testify and say that I should keep custody. All you gotta do is answer whatever the judge asks."
I nodded, not able to bring myself to say anything for fear I'd start crying or freaking out. But he caught me before I headed to the bathroom, catching my shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Pone. Everyone wants you to stay here." I nodded again, feeling like I was in a daze. "Pone?"
"I really don't wanna go back to that boy's home, Darry," I whispered, my voice breaking against my will, and he pulled me close, squeezing hard. I didn't want to start crying, so I closed my eyes as tight as I could, hiding my face in his shoulder for a minute.
"Nobody wants that, kiddo," he told me softly, rubbing my back. "But even if you do, I ain't ever gonna stop until I get you back, you understand? I'll find you. It ain't gonna be like before. I ain't gonna let anything stop me until I get you back."
I knew he meant it, but I didn't want to let myself think too much about what would happen if the judge wouldn't let me stay with my brothers. I didn't want to think about that boy's home or the foster home or any of it.
Besides, an awful part of my brain whispered, he'd said the same thing before, and look how that turned out.
I greased my hair back, barely bothering to look in the mirror. I'd catch the guys looking at the scar sometimes, and I didn't mind or nothing, but I sure didn't want to see it. It wasn't like my arms though…at least I'd gotten the scar on my face in a fight. Susie was the one I'd catch looking most often, but I never said anything. She didn't mean anything by it. I think she just wanted to know what had happened. I never talked to her about it. I never talked to anyone about it, and no one asked. Not after that first week. Johnny and I would talk about New York sometimes, and Dally would ask us stuff about James, but no one said anything about the boy's home or the foster home.
We all piled in Darry's truck, Sodapop in the middle and me against the door to give him more room. I found my eyes closing as we rode to the courthouse, head against the window until we went over a pothole and my head banged against the glass. Groaning, I shifted and leaned against Soda instead who put his head on mine, both of us dozing until we made it to the courthouse downtown.
Darry parked in the back and we all climbed out, making our way to the huge 5 story building, columns and arches and windows covering every side. It was already hot out, but I tugged at my sleeves, making sure to cover my wrists. Since the doctor's office, no one had seen my back or arms. I made sure to keep covered up, and no one asked to see. I knew that would change. I felt like we were just holding our breath, waiting for Darry to get custody so that we could start fixing things.
But I wasn't sure these things could be fixed.
Hurrying up the back steps, Darry signed in with the lady at the reception window who pointed us to the third floor. We took the elevator, stepping out into a large waiting room where we sat in uncomfortable wooden chairs for almost an hour before the social worker and Officer Charlton showed up. I had to fight the urge to go back to sleep while I waited…I was too scared I'd have nightmares. But I did lean against Soda's shoulder, his arm wrapping around me and holding me close while I let myself close my eyes.
The social worker and Officer Charlton shook Darry's hand and Soda and mine too when they stepped out of the elevator, looking more awake than any of us felt, and I took a moment to envy their apparent good night's sleep.
"How are you feeling, Ponyboy?" the cop asked, looking like he really cared.
I made myself meet his eyes. It had gotten a little easier. With the guys, it was almost easy sometimes. Darry was the hardest, which made no sense. I wasn't scared of Darry. I never had been. But meeting his eyes when he was talking to me made my hands start shaking like they had when I'd been with Richard, and he had to notice. I'd do my best, but he knew, and he was worried. The other guys didn't mention it, but they all noticed too if they saw me with Darry. But other people, people outside our gang, were the hardest, especially men. Store clerks, police officers, Johnny's boss, random guys on the street…I stared at the ground most of the time now.
"I'm doing okay. Thanks," I told the cop, putting my hands in my lap and squeezing them tightly together so they wouldn't shake. His eyes darted down to my hands and then back to my face, looking kind of grim. He met Darry's eyes and I figured the two of them would have a talk about me as soon as they could get a minute alone together.
We were called into the courtroom right on time and took our seats in the front, all of us standing when the judge came in. He read the specifics of our case, and I flinched a bit to have it all laid out in front of the handful of people in the room. There was no one there to watch the case, really, just some social workers and a couple of cops, the man that stood in front of the room with the judge, and a lady writing everything down. Our buddies had offered to come for moral support…well, Two-Bit and Steve had, but Darry had told them to sleep in.
He started with Bob and the night Johnny and I had been jumped, then moved on, briefly mentioning my time in the boy's home, then that I'd been in an abusive foster home. Then that I'd run away, but he didn't ask me any questions about that. Instead, when he had me come up to sit in the front, he asked me about living with my brothers, if I liked it and how I did in school. I answered him as best I could, alternating between staring at my hands and glancing up at the judge.
When he was done asking me questions, I went back to sitting with Darry and Soda. Soda squeezed my arm for a minute while the social worker talked with the judge for a minute, too quietly for us to hear, and then Officer Charlton took the seat I'd had and the judge asked about his experiences with us.
"Darrel Curtis came to me a few weeks after his brother went missing, confiding in me that his brother was alive, and that his brother's foster father had killed one of the girls in the house. Without proof, there was nothing we could do, so I began investigating. Darrel and Sodapop Curtis were obviously desperate to get their younger brother back, and had not been giving any kind of visitation rights since Ponyboy had been taken away."
That's when I tried to stop listening, staring at my hands instead.
The judge asked him a couple more questions, then talked to the social worker some more. Eventually, he asked her what her recommendation was.
"Ponyboy Curtis was taken away from his older brother because he was involved in the near death of another boy. What was supposed to be an investigation into his case and a brief separation from his family was mismanaged by his former social worker who refused to communicate with his family, wouldn't allow his brothers to visit or ever speak on the phone with him, and placed him in an abusive home where she was having an affair with the foster father. Both she and the foster father have been arrested, and it is obvious that Darrel Curtis wants custody of his brother. Ponyboy Curtis wants to be with his older brothers, and Darrel has provided a fit home for both of his brothers. I would recommend Darrel Curtis be given permanent custody of his Ponyboy, with visits from myself monthly."
Soda squeezed my arm, leaning forward, and even Darry was sitting upright, hands clasped in his lap. I kept my eyes on my hands, praying the same word over and over in my head.
'Please, please, please.'
It was almost over. I was almost back to my brothers for good. No more waiting for everything to come crashing down. No more being scared that they were going to show up at any time, staring at the ceiling at night waiting for the knock at our door.
"Darrel, after looking at your case, I believe I'm going to follow Ms. Rhodes' recommendation. Have you already enrolled Ponyboy in school?" he asked my brother.
"Yes, sir," he answered.
"Good. With your grades, Ponyboy, you have a good chance at a scholarship. Darrel, I have some papers for you to sign and you should speak to Ms. Rhodes about the monthly visits." He gestured for Darry to come up to the high table where the judge was sitting, and Darry signed some papers. Soda threw an arm around me, squeezing hard, and I put my arms around him, head on his shoulder as I breathed for the first time in what felt like hours, my whole body deflating, my eyes hot.
"I get to stay," I whispered, and he squeezed me again.
"You get to stay!" He held me by my shoulders, pulling back and grinning. Officer Charlton came over and shook Soda's hand, clapping me on the shoulder, and when Darry came over, he shook his hand too.
Before the cop could say much to him, Darry pulled me into a hug, a hand on the back of my head, and I squeezed him tight, gripping the back of his suit jacket. He held me for a long time before finally pulling away, ruffling my hair and grinning.
"Looks like you're stuck with me," I told him, and he chuckled, squeezing my shoulder.
"Sure does, kiddo."
"Mr. Curtis?" All three of us glanced up and Mrs. Rhodes gestured to Darry. "If you have a moment, could I speak to you?"
"Of course." He patted me on the shoulder, then Sodapop and I headed out to that waiting room again while he and the social worker went into a small office a few doors down. Soda threw an arm around my shoulder when we sat down, his head dropping onto mine.
"Love you, Pone," he murmured. "Glory, I love you so much."
"Love you too." I hesitated. "What do you think they're talking about?"
"Just paperwork." He shrugged. "Don't worry about it. All you gotta worry about is going to school and getting your grades back up, but that shouldn't be a problem." I hummed in agreement, my eyes on the room down the hallway where my brother and that social worker were talking. "You gonna try out for track again?" he asked, pulling me out of my worries.
"I don't know…I ain't in shape for it."
"That's not a problem. You got a couple of weeks." He nudged me. "Come on, you miss winning all them trophies, don't you?"
I snorted, nudging him back with my elbow. "I might try out. Hadn't really thought about it." I admitted. "They're gonna let me try and take my finals from last year, but I don't know if I'll pass."
He nodded slowly, patting my back.
"You know it's okay if you don't, right? We ain't gonna be upset. No one could blame you for not being able to learn much last year," he assured me softly. "You can still try out for track if you have to repeat the year."
Darry came out of the office, looking real serious, but he tried to smile when he caught our eyes. "You guys ready to head home?" he asked, and I just nodded, not wanting to ask about it yet. I figured we'd have to talk about whatever it was sooner or later.
When we got back to the house, Sodapop grabbed the phone and dialed Steve first. While he was telling him about it and making plans to go to Tim's place for a card game I had no intention of trying to get invited to, Darry asked me to come into the kitchen with him, both of us sitting at the table. He had his hands clasped together on top of the table and was staring at them, looking nervous, so I broke the silence.
"What's going on? What did that social worker say?"
He looked up at me then, his smile kind of sad, and I felt my heart sink.
"Do…do I have to go to the boy's home or…"
"No." He shook his head. "No, I've got custody and you don't have to go anywhere, Pone. Not ever again…hell, you can live here forever as far as I'm concerned."
"Yeah, I'll bet you'll be saying that when you finally get a girl."
A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth but he didn't take the bait. "The social worker gave me the name of a doctor she wants me to take you to."
I felt my stomach drop again. "What kind of doctor?" I asked, leaning back.
"Somebody for you to talk to…about…the stuff that happened with Richard."
"Why?"
He sighed, crossing his arms. "Because she thinks that would help. And I think she might be right."
"I don't wanna talk to anyone," I told him shortly, and he gave another sad smile. I'd been half afraid he'd get mad, but he didn't look like it.
"I know, Pony. But you're having nightmares every night. You're barely sleeping. You're sill not eating enough. School starts in a couple of weeks and you're not looking too good." He was being real gentle, but I was still scared. I didn't want to talk to my own brothers about what happened, much less some stranger.
But more than that, I didn't want to get taken away again.
"Do I have to?" I asked, my voice sounding dead even to me.
He sighed, running a hand down his face and looking like he wished he could say no. "Yeah, kiddo. You have to."
I let out a long breath, slumping in the chair and nodding. It wasn't the first time this year I'd have to do something I didn't want to…that I was scared of. But if it meant I got to stay with my family, I'd do just about anything.
"Yeah…okay."
