CW: This chapter contains heavy themes relating to death.

The pain searing the vision straight out of my head suddenly became all but null and void.

Void.

Yes, that was an appropriate word. That's where I was, a void. Weightless and lazily sailing through it, blissfully unaware of whatever horrors were taking place in reality.

Looking around and taking a foggy moment to absorb my surroundings, it felt like the air was punched out of me as I watched, completely slack-jaw at the monumental beauty of the world forming around me from nothing.

My feet touched ground, or rather, ground touched feet as it solidified beneath me, grass and wildflowers sprouting up around my wiggling toes. In mere moments, the grassy ground expanded outward in a flash. Trees bursting from the earth, flowers unfurling, water rushing and carving through the landscape to create a cascading river and trickling streams.

Some of the foliage looked like regular trees… but others appeared to be giant rods of dango sticking straight out of the ground. There were animals too. Lots of them. In fact, there were so many that they weren't even all real animals. I mean, nothing was technically real, but they were animals that didn't even exist in the real world.

From out of the river came a weighty splash and bursting from the waters surface was an enormous creature flying up into the air.

When I realized what it was, I giggled, which gave way to laughter, which further devolved into a fit of uncontrollable cackling. Reality truly felt so far away. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the giant, blue polka-dotted, flying fish barreling toward me.

I was crying from laughing so hard. It even had the saddle and sunglasses.

"Hey buddy," I cooed as it flew down and halted in front of me. It chirped and trilled as I pet the mammoth fish. There was a whole school of them flying around. My hair went wild from the breeze they created as they whizzed by me.

I'd been so distracted with the fish that I hadn't noticed any of the other world additions, but behind me was a house shaped like a giant kidney bean with a chimney pipe billowing smoke from the top, as well as several rabbits the size of horses grazing out in front of it.

I was positively surrounded by quirks and oddities and I took a moment to wonder if I was actually in heaven.

I looked back at the fish.

"You haven't seen Itachi around here, have you?" I asked. The only other times I'd been in his illusions, he was always there with me.

The fish gave me a look like, 'girl I don't know, I'm a freaking fish, you got any food?'.

Fair enough.

"You want to… show me around then? I'm kind of new here and I'm not sure how long I'll be staying." It felt odd talking to a fish, especially this fish, but it seemed to understand.

It vaulted into an aerial backflip, soaring excitedly and wiggling its tail fin as it landed in waiting for me to climb on.

"Well, I think you ought to have a name first, huh?" I said aloud, tapping my index against my chin thoughtfully as I appraised it.

"He has one, it's on his collar. You can certainly give him a new one though, I'll change it to whatever you'd like."

I whipped around to see Itachi standing behind me. The door to bean cottage was open, I guess that's where he'd bean.

Hah. Get it? That's where he'd bean?

I thought Kisame already talked to you about the puns.

Ugh. Fine.

Itachi was certainly a sight for sore eyes though. I found myself smiling widely at him.

"How are things… out there?" I asked, referring to reality.

"Don't worry about that while you're in here. I didn't make this world so you would think about the other one," he said with an indiscernible expression.

I sighed. "I can't help it… I saw someone going to attack you before I slipped in here. Are you okay?"

"I am fine, Izumi… some people came for you but it's been taken care of. I've set up a world that I hope will amuse you. Unfortunately, I can't stay long, but the world will remain without me for a little while anyway. "

I thought about that, the world he created. I thought hard on it, actually. I guess I hadn't really considered it before but these creations... he had to come up with every little detail himself.

My heart paused at the thought. Him designing this whimsy-filled dreamscape just for me. And while some of it was not entirely his idea, like the fish, a lot of it was. It kind of shocked me.

I watched a little steamed gyoza with butterfly wings and googly eyes derpily flutter by.

I couldn't even believe it came out of Itachi's brain. It seemed like something I would have made up.

I thought I'd cracked him at one point, but I came to realize I didn't know him nearly as well as I thought. I had no clue how deep this silly streak ran in him but it was the first time I really noticed or appreciated it.

"It's… incredible, Itachi," I said, looking all around me, the wonderment plain on my face.

"It's just… things I thought you would like," he said, downplaying it.

I stepped toward the happy looking fish and glanced back at Itachi. "I thought Kisame would be the one to get this for me…"

"Ah… yes, well, I may have stolen his thunder a bit there. I did try to give him some credit though," he said, gesturing to the name tag.

I grabbed it, flipping it over with a smirk to read "Kisame Jr.".

There was no resisting the snorting laugh that ensued.

"It suits him," I said thoughtfully, still laughing.

"And this... " he cleared his throat. "Kisame Jr., please smile for Izumi."

The fish grinned widely, his teeth all razor and pointed.

""Oh my God!" I cried, laughing. "Are you insinuating this is Kisame's actual child? Is that why he looks a little like him?!"

"Hm, perhaps. I imagine Kisame Jr. takes after his mother, mostly, whomever she may be," Itachi said very matter-of-factly.

I would never get the image of Kisame engaging in coitus with a giant fish out of my head.

"Ah yes," I agreed, "what with the fish body and all. The little tyke has his smile though."

"And his sunglasses," Itachi added.

I snorted. He could be funny when he wanted to.

"Mm, an often overlooked genetic trait," I concurred. He smiled lightly, looking at the fish.

I said, "You know I'm going to have to tell Kisame all about this when I wake up, right? I'm sure he'll just love that we have a head canon of him hooking up with a giant, lady fish."

Itachi's smile, however small it was to begin with, faltered. I didn't assume it was at the thought of Kisame finding out about his fictional, secret fish love child.

I moved to sit at the edge of the river bank, letting my feet dangle in the water. It was the perfect temperature… of course.

I looked back at him and tried to smile enough for both of us. "I… I'm not waking up, am I?"

It was strange to say with a smile but if I didn't, I think I would have just cried. I was tired of crying.

Itachi sat beside me and I admired the simple innocence of that image, both our feet dangling in the crystal river waters on a sunny day, like nothing could be wrong. Like my body wasn't dying and I wasn't trapped in a seemingly eternal dreamscape.

It was just a nice day, and we were just friends catching up.

Itachi finally spoke. "You will. Everyone is working to make sure you do," he said, oddly cold.

He wanted to believe what he was saying but I could tell he wasn't confident in the truth behind his own words. Was he trying to convince me or himself? It was unsuccessful either way, it would seem.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, fidgeting. "I feel like I've only been here for ten minutes."

"Time is strange in here... You shouldn't worry about it," he said calmly.

I hated when he dodged me like that.

"Itachi… will please just give me a straight answer? I can't stand the thought of being the last one to know what's going on with my own self." I was pleading with him at that point.

He looked uncomfortable, averting his gaze. "It's been almost a week."

"Almost a week?" I asked quietly.

He nodded. "A lot has happened… your body is trying to recover from the external physical injuries, they were… extensive. The internal ones are proving to be even more stubborn. We hope once they heal, you will wake up."

I probably should have cried or been upset, but I just kept smiling.

"Well, I have to wake up." I said, decidedly so. "I really think that tarot reader was the real deal and those predictions haven't come true yet so… it can't be over, not yet… right?"

That wasn't what Itachi expected from me. The corners of his lips upturned.

Such an incessant optimist you are all of a sudden, Izumi.

"Izumi, I wanted to ask you... what were you thinking of during tarot?"

"Oh, right… I didn't get a chance to tell you, really. I suppose this is as good a time as any." I said with a sigh. "So Aki… you know he's orochimaru's son… well, he's also... my brother."

"You actually managed to get that out at the last minute. It was… confusing to piece together in the moment," he said with a sideways glance.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Sorry about that… and for all the crying and stuff I said. I suppose I was just worried I'd never see you again." I laughed. "Looks like that could still be true."

"Please don't… joke like that," he said, pulling a hand down his face. He looked tired even in this fake world.

"I'm sorry, it's just that… if I don't laugh, I think I'm just going to scream," I said, trying to refocus on what we had been talking about before.

Orochimaru.

Right.

"...Anyway, I'd gotten some memories back and Aki was in them… and I'm just really scared that… if he's my brother..." I trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.

"You're afraid Orochimaru is also your father," Itachi finished for me. Thank God he was smart.

I nodded, kicking my dream foot through the dream water.

"You all hate him. I don't even know him and I hate him. If everyone knew… they'd just hate me too. I didn't want to bring it up until I knew for sure."

"Izumi. Even if it were true… you are nothing like him. Nothing. Everyone knows that. No one would hold it against you," he said, his stoic mask dropping just a bit to show a sympathetic tilt of his brows as he looked over at me.

"I would…" I said quietly.

Let's change the subject.

"How is everyone?" I asked, hopeful and wanting to live vicariously through literally anyone else.

Itachi sighed heavily and shifted uncomfortably. "It's been… busy."

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly worried.

"The Akatsuki is moving forward with other plans. We're all going to be very occupied between that and you. We switched bases as well."

"Orochimaru knew where the old one was..." I guessed at the cause.

Itachi nodded.

"How is Hidan?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I should, but I needed to know. Hidan wasn't exactly Itachi's fave.

Itachi paused to formulate his answer. That couldn't mean anything good. "He's… Hidan."

"Wow." I deadpanned. "What a twist, never saw that one coming."

He decided to elaborate, given my scathing use of sarcasm.

"He's been having issues regulating his… emotions. Even more so than usual, anyhow. If I'm being honest, he's not doing well. He's with you quite often though, Kakuzu is too."

"Kakuzu?" I asked. Now that surprised me.

"Yes, he's…" Itachi trailed off, shaking his head with a small disbelieving laugh, "he's been learning actual medical ninjutsu, I mean beyond crude stitches and salves, if you can believe it. Your room is full of books on it. He is in there studying a lot. Hidan is in there… cursing a lot."

My heart melted at the thought. I could so see it.

"Izumi, I'm sorry, but my time is limited," Itachi said, suddenly looking distracted. "I will try to keep the illusion going for you as long as possible. I'll be travelling soon, unfortunately… so it will go away eventually. Your body is technically in a coma, so you should just be in a normal sleep state when you're not in here."

Great.

My so-called 'normal sleep state' was a veritable breeding ground for macabre visions.

"That's okay," I lied with a smile. "I suppose I can't be a choosey beggar, huh? This is already a bit off-book from your job description, right? Some serious 'other duties as assigned' kinda stuff."

Itachi gave me a pained smile.

I pushed past it. "I'm just saying, I know you don't have to do this at all, so I appreciate it, Itachi…" I said, touching his arm. "And… um, for what it's worth, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry I made your job so hard. I know you were supposed to keep me safe since I'm an asset... or whatever. I know that was important to you, and I just… I don't know, I need you to know I really wasn't trying to screw things up. I hope Pain isn't too upset," I said, looking away at the end, too embarrassed to meet his eyes.

"It's… okay," he said, still pained. When I looked back, he averted his own gaze in a way that made me think there was more he wanted to say but it didn't come.

"Thanks for visiting… and for creating all of this for me," I said, welling up, gesturing to everything around me. I really didn't want him to go.

What happened to being tired of crying?

Shut up.

"You don't need to thank me for this…" he said, stalling like he knew he needed to go but was not moving to leave yet. It felt like he had something more to say yet again, but I wouldn't hold my breath, not with him.

"Itachi?" I asked, turning to him.

"Yes?" He answered quickly.

"What if… after you leave… my body dies out there?" I asked timidly, picking at my nails. "... Am I stupid to be afraid? ...Afraid of dying alone in here?"

I let my head fall against his shoulder, staring down at our feet lazing about in the water.

He took a moment to ponder.

"Death is… hm. I suspect it is likely easier to accept when it's sudden, when you don't have much time to think about it. When you see it coming for you in the distance… and you are forced to meet it's gaze as it stares you down on its slow approach… no, you are not stupid for fearing it. I think I would as well..."

It was a much longer, detailed response than I expected from the Uchiha.

"You sound like you've thought about it before," I said.

"Doesn't everyone?" he said absently.

"Maybe in your profession… I'd never given it much thought."

"Men like Kakuzu seek ways of becoming immortal. Why do you think that is?" Itachi asked.

I hadn't really thought about that before. Not the 'why' of it all. I just kind of accepted it as something morally questionable people did in general.

I really needed to work on my critical thinking.

"Even he's scared of death," I said quietly, finding it hard to imagine Kakuzu afraid of anything.

"No one truly escapes it from what I've seen, they can delay it sometimes but... it's the one thing that we will all have in common. It's not wrong to fear it, but Izumi..." he said, moving his arm hesitantly from beneath my head to around my shoulder.

"You're not dying any time soon." He pulled me against him more assuredly.

I knew it wasn't real. Our bodies weren't real. But it felt so real.

"I promise you that," he murmured, taking it a step further by pulling me onto his lap, both arms coming to hold me there against his chest.

I sighed into it, feeling light and airy and heartbroken all at once.

Heartbroken to know this wasn't real, and that he was likely saying these things to me because it's exactly what you say to a dying person to make them feel better.

And it did make me feel better, even though it also felt like goodbye.

"You can't know that…" I said into his chest.

His hand smoothed down my hair and held my head there. "Just wait a little longer. Let us handle this."

Itachi had all but abandoned our 'professional' protocol. It felt like how it used to be between us as I took comfort in his embrace.

Talk about heartbreaking...

I would have spent more time feeling confused or even guilty if there wasn't the distinct possibility that it would be the last ounce of affection I'd possibly squeeze from this life.

"Okay… say hi to everyone for me?" I asked quietly.

"Of course. I'll see you soon, Izumi," he said. I noted he was careful not to say 'goodbye'.

I nodded against him and found myself just sitting there alone the next moment.

"Looks like it's just you and me, KJ," I said to Kisame Jr. with a sigh.

He grinned and lowered down so I could climb on.

Much of my time was spent simply seeing the sights. There were trees made of billowing tufts of cotton candy and rivers running green with tea. It was actually quite amazing how much of the environment Itachi chose to make edible. I would have to compliment him on the selection if I ever saw him again.

When. When you see him again.

My alter had taken to encouraging my optimism which was almost always a bad sign.

Itachi was correct in that it was just like sleeping when I wasn't in his dimension. And, as is true with dreaming, you aren't exactly aware of how much time has passed between each one or even the fact that you're in a dream at all. Sometimes it just felt like real life.

Some dreams were my usual, terrible nightmares which I was growing an unhealthy tolerance for. I typically just waited them out, they'd become so common.

But other times they were normal. Normal enough anyway.

The strangest part about them was that in my rare moments of semi-clarity, it felt like they were influenced by what was happening around me in the real world. Like I could hear what was going on around my body and my brain would try to make sense of it by inserting whoever I was hearing into whatever dream I was already having.

Sometimes it was amusing, what was happening around me.

Sometimes it was downright horrifying.

Many times, the only thing I would hear was just pages turning and the mad scribbling of graphite on parchment, punctuated every now and then by some gruff, frustrated sighs and a hum of chakra.

I would typically dream myself into a library during those moments. Kakuzu would be there at my table, often wearing something entirely too nerdy, though I'd admit he looked good in glasses.

At times, he'd light the books aflame and they'd flutter over to hug me. It felt so nice and warm.

On one such occasion, I did start to become a little too warm. Kakuzu had just sent a flaming book to sit atop my head and we contently hung out like that in a lounge chair… until I started to feel heat across my whole body, and more than just a little.

He suddenly grunted an expletive.

"Kakuzu? I feel… weird..." I said.

It was always stupid to talk though, he never responded.

I looked down at myself and let out a startled gasp when I noticed water lapping at my ankles. Only it wasn't water, it was dark and red and rising quickly.

"Kakuzu?!" I rattled out in a high pitch squeak as I watched in horror, the thick, viscous liquid rushing and rising to my chest in a matter of seconds. It pulled him away from me.

I cried out Kakuzu's name one more time as I desperately reached out, trying to grab him. I began frantically sloshing through it in a manic attempt to get to him. I soon found myself gasping for breath, no longer able to touch my feet to the floor.

The liquid was so dense that I struggled to even stay afloat.

Kakuzu swore again, more frantic this time.

I began choking and sputtering.

Kakuzu and The Others

Hidan had been quietly counting his prayer beads, mouthing some foreign words against them as he sat in a chair in the corner of Izumi's room. His eyes were hyper-fixated on Izumi's unconscious body as Kakuzu worked by her bed, hand pressed against her forehead with his grayish-black chakra radiating out in a visible aura.

"Something wrong?" Hidan interrupted his own whispered chanting to ask, alarmed by his partner's sudden hissing and the look on his face. It was uncharacteristically concerned.

That wasn't normal, in fact it usually meant something was seriously fucked. Kakuzu didn't really do concern.

Kakuzu moved his hands down her chest and abdomen, feeling around for something. He shook his head, eyebrows furrowing. Hidan straightened up, staring over impatiently and grinding his teeth.

"This isn't good," Kakuzu said, his voice low and calculated like he was scrambling for a solution in his head but coming up empty.

"Wh-what the fuck does that mean? What can I do?" Hidan asked in a spiking rush, quickly moving to stand beside his partner, peering down over Izumi.

There were times he couldn't even look at her. She just looked so tiny and frail and broken.

"Cerebral edema, organ failure… pulmonary hemorrhage…" Kakuzu groaned like he couldn't believe their luck. "I need people with a lot of chakra and precise control of it. Hidan, go ge-"

"Organ failure?" Hidan cut him off, repeating the worst thing Kakuzu had ever said to him in a kind of disbelieving, ghostly voice. That was the only part he understood the meaning of, but it was enough to put the fear of God in him instantly.

"Hidan!" Kakuzu boomed, "We don't have time for this. Go get the others, at the very least Sasori and Kisame. Now."

Hidan swallowed and clenched his jaw, taking one last moment to stare unblinking at the fragile and utterly fucked up, little body laying atop the bed.

The long tears in her skin had only just begun to close and scab, they would no doubt leave massive scars across her body, even with ointments. She looked like she was barely hanging on and that was just the outside of her, the inside was a nightmare, the thing Kakuzu spent all his time trying to sort out lately.

"God damnit, Izumi… you stay with me, you idiot," Kakuzu muttered as he placed one hand back on her head while the other lingered, low and pushing chakra into her abdomen.

Kakuzu wasn't medical. He filled that role once in a while in a very perfunctory sense, purely because of his convenient ability to stitch things closed. He'd picked up some knowledge on salves and medicinal herbs to help bolster that a little, but that was the extent of it.

He'd never had an interest or reason to learn such a useless skill. Until now.

Now it had become his life.

He poured over medical texts day and night, absolutely devouring any flippant piece of information that might have even the smallest chance of helping the girl. He couldn't explain it, but his urge to save this useless, worthless, money pit of a human had encompassed all his thoughts and time.

It was absurd. He should have just let her die. It certainly would have been easier. But despite that, he was there, trying to keep the insignificant child alive.

To his relief though, he was never asked to explain it. Everyone seemed to be on the same page that this girl needed to live for whatever reason. It was odd, the colors people were letting show through now that stakes were at their highest.

At first, just managing the bleeding had been the biggest obstacle. The girl was painted in scarlet when originally brought to him and all he could manage to do was stitch the many, many wounds that tore across her body and wrap her up tightly.

He knew immediately that his knowledge would not be enough. If this was how the curse managed to ravage her exterior, what was going on that they couldn't see?

It had been a long road wrought with complications and close calls to even get to where they were, despite the event only happening just over a week ago.

Kakuzu had to learn on the fly and with no instructor. Just books, which he had little patience for at times.

Hidan was desperate to be helpful, and helpful he was, actually.

He willingly injured himself in any way necessary so Kakuzu could have a human guinea pig to practice healing techniques on before using them on Izumi. It proved to be critically important when it came to learning how to stop internal bleeding in particular.

Hidan even subjected himself to drinking an insane amount of alcohol so Kakuzu could test his skills in preventing cardiac arrest, should it ever come to that. While the experience proved useful, Kakuzu vowed to never ask that of Hidan again.

It was too much for the boy, considering his emotional state. And yes, more than ever, he thought of Hidan as a boy. Very much so. A foolish one.

Dealing with him in that inebriated state was possibly the most irritating thing Kakuzu had ever dealt with. He'd expected the zealot to go full on belligerent and was even prepared for it, but that wasn't the case at all.

He was just quiet and sad. He took to begging Kakuzu, slurred speech and all, to promise he'd save her, that no matter what, he wouldn't let her die.

Kakuzu couldn't make such a stupid promise.

He wasn't even sure how he had managed to keep her alive as long as he had, and even if she did wake up, he couldn't guarantee she'd be all there mentally. The worst part wasn't even necessarily that Hidan asked him to promise such a ridiculous thing, it was the way he did it.

Devastatingly drunk and barely intelligible, his shoulders sagging as he sat on the edge of the bed in front of Kakuzu. He let his forehead slump and hit Kakuzu's chest where he stayed for a while. Kakuzu was more than tempted to take a step back and let Hidan fall off the bed and onto his face, but he had never seen the boy look so destroyed… and so docile.

There, Hidan begged him to save her, his shoulders shaking. He said "please" far too many times. Swapping coordination for desperation, he sloppily pawed at Kakuzu's shirt, grabbing onto him with shaky fingers.

It made Kakuzu wildly uncomfortable to see Hidan like that.

Kakuzu couldn't make such a stupid promise. But he did anyway.

Hidan wouldn't remember it in any case. He did with a heavy hand on the back of Hidan's head as it leaned against his sternum. He wouldn't remember that either.

What an absurd place to seek comfort, Kakuzu thought. From someone like him? Hidan should have known better. But then again… he did provide a modicum of it in spite of himself.

That was concerning on another level.

Kakuzu had to force feed him more liquor and it wasn't too long after that, Hidan finally went into cardiac arrest and Kakuzu could do what he'd aimed to do from the beginning. It was odd, he'd seen his partner die plenty of times before but this one was somewhat... difficult to watch.

Another troublesome realization.

Regardless though, Kakuzu managed to perform the procedure successfully enough and promised the idiot he wouldn't make him do that again, even if it was mostly for his own sake.

Kakuzu found himself thinking about that promise now.

With Hidan running off, hopefully bringing back who he needed, Kakuzu frantically worked just to keep Izumi afloat until reinforcements could arrive.

It all happened so suddenly. Her body was having a rough go of healing itself as the initial injuries were extensive, and, for lack of a better term, she was constantly 'springing leaks'.

Things Kakuzu thought he'd fixed would come undone, surely in part due to his inexperience and not performing various functions fully as intended. He felt like he was using glue to put together a house, no wonder it was falling apart.

There were times when Kakuzu wondered if it would have been better to just let Orochimaru have her. He knew his right-hand man was a medical genius who would have surely fixed this.

At least then she'd be alive. She'd have a fighting chance.

Kakuzu had no idea if he was helping or just prolonging the inevitable. Part of him dreaded the day she'd wake up because if she was anything less than perfect, he would have to live with that forever. Deal with knowing she was just another thing he fucked up that he wished he couldn't remember.

He didn't want that, selfishly. It was hard enough to live with his other regrets.

Sweat beaded on his brow as he focused his dark chakra both on her head and lungs, trying to reduce the swelling and stop the internal bleeding at the same time.

Kakuzu was a talented shinobi and because of his age and expansive knowledge of jutsu, he was a quick learner. But he wasn't that quick. What needed to be done would have been a stretch even for the famed slug bitch.

Finally help arrived.

Kisame burst through the door first, followed by Sasori and Hidan.

"Fuck… fuck, Kakuzu, you know we're not medical, right?" Kisame said, looking down at Izumi's body with a terrible grimace and a hand running through his hair.

"You think I don't fucking know that?" Kakuzu growled, glaring at Kisame. "Just go read the page dog-eared in the green book there," he spat at him before directing his attention to Sasori, "Same thing to you but the white book, over there. Quickly, both of you."

They both scrambled to do as directed.

"What can I do?" Hidan asked, standing there feeling absolutely helpless. It was the worst fucking feeling in the world and not one that he was even remotely familiar with.

"I need ice packs for her entire body. She's burning up. Get as many as you can." Kakuzu ordered. Hidan was gone in an instant. Kakuzu found Hidan to be a very good, compliant assistant when it came to Izumi.

Kisame and Sasori finished reading quickly. They were both highly experienced generally speaking, and had massive amounts of chakra, Sasori in particular having incredibly precise control over it and an intimate knowledge of the human body.

Even without specific medical experience, they should have been able to apply to core concepts using their existing skills. They were S-class shinobi for fuck's sake. They would have to do.

"This feels like a risk," Kisame said, still frowning as he stood by, ready for orders.

Kakuzu looked at him curtly. "Her lungs are filling with blood. Her brain is swelling against her skull. Her kidneys are failing. She is already as good as dead if it's just me."

Kisame swallowed and nodded, understanding the stakes and looking down with a pained expression at the torn body of his small, sweet friend.

Hidan was back with the ice packs. Deidara and Itachi rushing in behind with more in hand, they worked quickly around Kakuzu to place them so Kisame and Sasori could get in there and begin.

"Okay," Kakuzu said. "Sasori, take the kidneys. Kisame, stop the flow of blood into her lungs. I will focus on her head."

The three moved into position as the other three watched with bated breath. It was torturous and slow, in particular for the spectating bunch. They couldn't do anything but watch.

Strands of Kakuzu's hair clung to his forehead and the bags under his eyes drooped even more as time went on, but he continued pouring chakra into the unmoving form of Izumi.

"Oh fuck," Kisame hissed, his eyes going wide as Izumi began to cough, red speckles adorning her scarred face from the spattering her lips produced.

"Shit… we're losing her," Kakuzu said, looking over at Kisame's hands pumping chakra into her.

He wished he could be the one working on the lungs, he felt more capable having a whopping week of experience over Kisame, but more could go wrong with the brain. He had given Kisame the easiest of the three fixes. It might not have even been his fault, the damage could have been too severe already.

"Shit, FUCK," Kisame shouted, starting to really freak out as more blood leaked out of her mouth.

Hidan's eyes were wide and unblinking as he watched Izumi's body wracking with bloody coughs on the table. He paced against the back wall violently with his lips pressed into the tightest of lines. Itachi and Deidara wore similar expressions. They were just standing still watching, disbelieving.

How could they fucking stand it? To just be watching helplessly? Was Hidan the only one feeling like he was about to lose his fucking mind? He felt like he'd been trapped in a nightmare ever since the whole thing started, and now it was going to fucking end like this?

It couldn't. It just fucking couldn't. He was crawling in his goddamn skin and the temptation to just start tearing it off became almost irresistible. He was beyond disgust. She couldn't die. She just fucking couldn't. He needed her to live.

There were so many things he never even got to tell her.

He could feel the swell of rage and grief building within him as he watched the three men frantically pour everything they had into her tiny form lying on the bed.

"I think I stopped the bleeding!" Kisame yelled out. Kakuzu nodded at him but Sasori looked unconvinced.

"It might be too late," Sasori said quietly, wishing he didn't have to say those words.

But Izumi had become eerily still, not even a flutter of her eyes beneath the lids. Not a cough or a twitch of her fingers.

Sasori noticed that up close, there was moisture streaking down from the corners of her eyes. It struck him hard as he realized that even in her state, whatever that was, maybe she was aware enough to know she was about to die. Aware enough to cry.

"Check her…," Sasori said, pulling one hand away from treating her kidneys to wipe at the tear stains. "...Check her pulse." His voice was even. Too even. It was eerie and knowing.

Kakuzu didn't seem to breathe as he held his fingers there against the artery in Izumi's neck. He stared at her intently, the scowl on his face growing by the millisecond. Kisame was grinding his teeth, watching and waiting for an answer.

He knew what it was.

He was just hoping he was wrong, for once. But Kisame wasn't wrong often. Not about these things. He'd seen enough corpses in his life to know what he was looking at now.

Kakuzu continued in his silence but his face twisted into something angry and revolted. His lips twitched into the deepest scowl he'd ever managed. He pulled his shaking hand back and slammed it into the wall behind him with an animalistic grunt, dripping with all things grief and pain.

Kisame's chakra slowly dissipated from his hands as he left them there on Izumi's body, his fingers twisting into the fabric of her gown. His head lolled back as he stared down at her, his head shaking slowly.

"No… no, kid… I… I'm so sorry, kiddo...fuck, Iz, I'm so sorry..." His hand pulled down his face, ending clapped over his mouth where it stayed as he stared down at her corpse with his eyes glazed over.

She was gone.

Deidara stormed out of the room. "I'm not sticking around to fucking watch this," he spat tightly as he rushed out.

Itachi leaned against the wall. Without it he'd have been on the floor.

He had promised her… he had promised her this wouldn't happen. How could he have been so foolish? She was probably so scared. He'd noticed the same tears Sasori did. He'd noticed them the instant they began to leak out.

He had the thought to go over and force her eyes open one last time to send her into his pocket dimension... just so he could see her once more and hold her on some level, even if it wasn't real. He could make it feel real, for her anyway. He could have convinced her she'd woken up.

He could have at least given her that as she faded from existence.

He could have even told her the truth. She could have died knowing she was loved, that he loved her.

Wasn't that what he'd wanted for himself, isn't that the reason he let her say it to him once upon a time?

So why couldn't he? Why couldn't he afford her this basic truth?

Shameful.

He would have to confront her in those final moments and admit he was a liar if she caught on to what was happening. He'd have to know she died hating him. He lied when he told her he felt nothing for her and now he lied when he said she wouldn't die.

Selfish as always.

He was nothing but a scoundrel. A coward. He couldn't bear the thought of that being the last thing in her head as she died.

And now she'd never think another thing of him again.

She was light and beauty and all things good and now she was nothing.

He wished his nothingness would come soon as well. This heartache was too much to bear. He could have stopped it somehow, had he been better. Stronger, smarter, more knowledgeable, more observant, more something.

But he was truly worthless and useless if Izumi, who had been in his care, was really dead in front of him now.

Dead.

God, it was so permanent.

The room was too quiet. Hidan hadn't moved or spoken. He seemed to be frozen in place, eyes trained on her wide and unblinking, his pupils jittering with manic intensity.

"No…" he finally said, low and growling, his head shaking slowly from side to side, his face rearranging into something feral and deranged. He shifted his attention to Kakuzu.

"No, you fucking promised!" He screamed, rushing at him. Apparently he remembered after all.

This was exactly what Kakuzu had been afraid of when making that promise. He really did want to be right about it. Now that he wasn't, it seemed more foolish than ever. He should have known better. A girl like Izumi doesn't survive in the shinobi world. The odds were never in her favor.

"Get out, Hidan. I need to start chest compressions," Kakuzu said, regaining his composure as he stared down at the lifeless Izumi, absently shooting a hand out to pin Hidan to the wall.

"She's fucking…. gone? Is this a fucking joke, Kakuzu?! Did you ever fucking try?!" Hidan ground out, even with Kakuzu's hand crushing his trachea. He struggled against his partner's grip who was becoming increasingly irritated since he needed that hand back right fucking now.

Hidan began laughing.

At first it was quiet and low, like chuckling to himself, but it metastasized into something loud and chaotic and wailing. It was something out of a horror movie only you couldn't tell if he was the victim or the murderer. It devolved futher until it wasn't laughter any longer, just an appalling, hideous noise tearing out of his throat through clenching teeth.

"God damnit Uchiha, make yourself fucking useful and get him out of here!" Kakuzu bellowed and Itachi snapped to.

Of course he'd heard Hidan, and even Kakuzu saying he was going to begin a revival technique. That was hopeful.

Itachi didn't need hope.

He just needed to get out of that room… and apparently bring Hidan with him.

He looked over to his right to see a seething Hidan pinned by his throat against the stone wall, his feet dangling and kicking, fingers tearing at Kakuzu's hand. That unearthly noise erupting from him, his face all wet and reddened.

He was the epitome of anguish and even Itachi's heart contracted at the sight. It was so strange coming from Hidan. Itachi had severely underestimated the depth of his feelings for the girl. Had Itachi not been so closed off, perhaps this is what he would have looked like as well.

"Uchiha!" Kakuzu shouted.

Itachi jolted to action, embarrassed he needed to be told more than once, grabbing hold of Hidan and forcibly leading him from the room through all of his spitting and cursing at Kakuzu.

Hidan fought against him but it became more and more half-hearted the further away they got, Hidan glancing back over his shoulder with a twisting expression of grief overcoming him as he glimpsed Izumi's body one last time.

Kakuzu placed his hands on her chest with a flash of electricity. Her body jolted upwards in some sick show of mock-life as the shock pulsed through her.

Hidan felt his back slam against the wall of the hallway, the Uchiha's palms holding him there by his shoulders roughly. He looked up to meet Itachi with a challenging glare, grabbing hold of his forearms to pull him off… but he lost the will when he saw Itachi's face.

He was used to the blank smugness, the quiet arrogance. He was a shitty little fuck that he wished death upon most days to be frank. But this wasn't that. This was the absence of everything. A void.

He'd lost her too. He was the only other one that would really get it.

"She's fucking gone…" Hidan choked out, disgusted. It was a statement but it was really a question.

His grasp on reality was thinning and he needed someone to make it feel real. It didn't feel fucking real. She was right in the other room, if you wiped the blood off her face she could have passed for sleeping.

Itachi nodded slowly, his mouth pulled into such a severe line. He did not blink.

The glassy edge of his somber, coal eyes refused to spill without a blink, so he did not blink.

"Fucking gone…" Hidan muttered the words again with a broken voice, face contorted with revulsion. He let his head drop to just hang there, entire body shaking in disbelief.

His grip on Itachi's arms tightened but no longer made any attempt to pry him away. He was just holding on. Like he would crumble if not for Itachi keeping him pinned there.

"Fucking… just like that… gone," Hidan said quietly, processing aloud. His grip grew tighter yet, to the point of pain, eyes and his jaw clenched fiercely.

"You don't need to keep saying it…" Itachi muttered, letting his fingers dig into Hidan's shoulders just as Hidan's were gripping sorely into his arms. Itachi's hanging head came to knock softly against Hidan's.

"Fuck you I don't," Hidan bit back with no teeth.

He made no effort to shift from Itachi's grip, he just stayed pinned there, clutching at his arms, allowing the tops of their heads to remain pressed against one another, their hair falling down to shield their faces.

Itachi, while his feelings towards Hidan were predominantly negative at best, there was a cathartic realization as they stayed there in the hallway, holding each other up in silent anguish.

They could understand one another's pain. It had quickly become an unspoken understanding.

Only they could feel it at its worst. It was possibly the only thing they could reconcile about one another and it was worth tossing everything else aside for, just for a moment to engage in this unexpected, twisted version of grief.

Neither of them could see each other's faces with the way their heads fell forward, limp and defeated. The feeling of Hidan's shoulders wracking in rhythm with his despair finally sent the tears spilling from Itachi as well, like it had given him permission. He had thought to wait until he could be in private, but it couldn't be helped.

"She can't be," Hidan ground out, reverting back to disbelief, voice low and shaking. "She's… she's fucking Izumi. She was too good… too damn good to get fucked like this... It's not right… it's not fucking right."

Hidan was straining out the same thought process that had been running through Itachi's mind. Itachi's phrasing may have varied a little, but the spirit was there.

Both of them knew the world was not fair, especially not the shinobi world, this was not new, but there was just something so exceptionally heinous about this particular girl's fate that seemed so unbelievably unfair.

She wasn't even a kunoichi. If she had been, her body would have been more naturally bolstered against the effects of the blood curse.

No, she was just some civilian. Just a girl. A sweet, loving girl that cared for everyone, even monsters. She'd done nothing... nothing to have earned any of the misfortunes that had befallen her over the course of her time there.

Suddenly the door burst open beside them. They didn't move.

"Guys, quick," Kisame said in a rush, staring at the two, freezing at the sight.

Had he come across the scene under any other circumstance, he would have had a field day with it. Entwined as they were, the two rivals looked like they might fight, fuck or perform a eulogy in tandem at any given moment. Maybe all three.

But now was not the time, Kisame thought. He wasn't sure if there would ever be a time.

The two didn't break right away. They seemed locked in place, waiting with bated breath. Kisame sounded too hopeful. It would be crushing if it wasn't what they'd wished for.

"Just fucking… get in here, you fucking weirdos," Kisame said exasperated, tucking back into the room.

There was just one more brief moment of silence and stillness. Hidan squeezed harder for a millisecond before breaking free, shoving Itachi away and rushing into the room.

Kakuzu and Kisame were drenched in sweat. Sasori looked like a fucking doll as usual, but he had assumedly put some extensive effort in as well. He was busily blotting blood off Izumi's cheek from when it had sputtered out of her before, a thoughtful melancholy look on his face as he did so.

Kisame was grinning ear to ear as Hidan came over wearily, dragging a hand down his face.

Kakuzu was sitting slumped against the back wall, staring blankly up at Izumi with an indiscernible expression as he wiped the sweat from his brow. He was short of breath and eventually closed his eyes as he continued to work on his breathing.

"We got her back, Hidan…" Kakuzu said gruffly from the floor, not even bothering to open his eyes. "You piece of shit," he added as an afterthought.

Itachi entered the room but stood just inside the doorway as he watched Hidan trepidatiously approach Izumi.

Hidan wouldn't allow himself to believe it, not if he didn't feel it for himself.

God, she was so fucking frail and infirm looking with half-cleaned smears of blood everywhere, bandages wrapping around her and tubes sticking out of her, surrounded by bricks and bricks of ice packs like she was in this untouchable winter fortress.

He never wanted to see her in red for the rest of his life… so like… it was banned for fucking ever.

He almost dropped to his knees when he saw her up close.

A second later, he did. His knees thudding softly onto the rug.

The bed was low enough to the ground that he could easily reach over and feel her pulse from his kneeling position.

Hidan reminded Itachi of a loyal dog doting on his sick master. His chin on the bed, looking up at Izumi so concerned. He half expected Hidan to push up and nuzzle her to see if she'd wake.

It was so unusual to see him this docile, especially when only moments ago he'd been wailing his grief for the whole country to hear. Now he was being what many would refer to as 'a good boy'.

His fingers pressed against her neck and there, beneath his index and middle, he felt her beat back against him. It was weak and fluttery, but it was there. Her chest rose ever so slightly with a breath.

It was the most relief Hidan felt in a lifetime. He buried his face into the bed and decompressed with the world's biggest exhale, released in the form of a drawn out "fuuuuuck".

For the briefest of moments, several voices in the back of his head urged him to just finish her off already.

He promptly removed his hand from her like he'd touched something scalding.

Kakuzu stood from his position on the wall and approached Hidan with a tired gait. "There's still a lot of work to do. Anyone who isn't helping, get the fuck out," he said.

His words were curt and tired, but the hand he placed on the back of Hidan's head said he was still trying to keep that promise. That yes, he was trying.

Everyone stared at Kakuzu. Not daring to say anything but recognizing this was the first ounce of affection they'd ever seen him give to anyone besides Izumi.

It had been a really long ordeal for everyone, lasting over a week to date and coming to a head the way it did... and the most disgusting part was that it wasn't even close to over as far as they knew.

They had no clue how many more times that might happen, if they'd get as lucky next time, if she'd ever even wake up at all.

Needless to say, they were all starting to see interesting shades of each other under this kind of unusual pressure. They were used to killing, never saving someone's life, certainly never on purpose or someone they cared about.

The scene grew even more unusual as Hidan kept his face flush against the bed, but his hand moved to sloppily rest atop Kakuzu's for a brief moment. An acknowledgement. A silent thank you.

Kakuzu had done as promised, and for that, Hidan was genuinely and eternally grateful. He eventually pulled his head off the bed.

"Fine, I'll uh… I'll go get some fucking… some water and shit for you guys," Hidan said tiredly, shockingly complacent before getting up and brushing past Itachi to leave.

Kisame moved over to Itachi who still looked like he was seeing a ghost as he fixed onto Izumi. Kisame snapped him from it by placing a giant hand on his shoulder.

"Hey man, she's gonna be okay," he said to the somber Uchiha.

Itachi topped his hand, grateful for his partner. It made him feel grounded. Somewhere, on some subconscious level, he recognized that was what just happened with Kakuzu and Hidan as well. They were all growing too similar under these circumstances.

"I should see her," Itachi said, taking his hand back and contemplating activating his sharingan.

Kisame scratched at the back of his head with a wince.

"Check with the big boss but I'm thinking no-can-do. No extra stress allowed. Genjutsu, regardless of how sickly sweet you're making it for her, you simp, is still stress on the mind. Besides… you have got to give those eyes of yours a break, man. You're gonna go blind before she even wakes up," he said the last part quietly.

Itachi sighed deeply with a scoff, looking at the floor. He knew Kisame was right.

"I just… feel useless." Itachi confessed.

"What are you talking about? You think those ice packs walked in here on their own accord?" Kisame gestured to them surrounding Izumi.

"I think Hidan would have walked them in, if not me. I'm on the same level as him. Do you understand why I feel useless now?" Itachi asked impatiently.

"Aw come on, man. That's not true. Hidan has actually been really helpful letting Kakuzu practice med shit on him," Kisame corrected. He wasn't even joking. That was just factual.

Itachi glowered at his partner which sent Kisame into chuckling.

"What? You think you're gonna get special treatment from me because your ex just died? Yeah, well, she's my fucking friend too, Uchiha. I've got no more sympathy for you than I've got for myself. Hidan has been fucking helpful, that's just the truth. Dude's a dick but he's come in clutch lately."

"You are annoyingly fair," Itachi conceded.

Kisamed grinned. He loved it when he could make Itachi snap a little without even trying.

He had to recognize he was playing on easy mode though. Getting a reaction out of someone on pins and needles after the love of their life just died for a hot second was kind of cheap.

Kisame was not above it, not even a little.

"Why don't you go relax? Rest up those pretty little eyeballs of yours for when you can pop in. Oh and let Deidara know, he probably ran to his room to cry or some shit, which is honestly fair enough. Like... no judgement. It's Izumi, I get it, bruh. Might just be nice to let him know," Kisame suggested and Itachi agreed just to leave.

He absently wondered if Kisame was joking or actually thought his eyes were visually appealing. He was an odd one.

Kakuzu stayed behind with Kisame and Sasori as they continued to administer damage control. It was like the blind leading the blind with Kakuzu attempting to explain things he didn't fully understand and getting frustrated when Kisame and Sasori, in turn, didn't understand.

There was a lot of reading and re-reading texts and fighting over the intended meaning of certain sections, but over time, and with some snacks and drinks brought by Hidan, the damage felt sufficiently controlled at some point in the middle of the night.

They could all finally breathe.

A/N:

OOOOF. Dudes, this chapter was such a toughie to write. Not sure how it reads. I hope it was alright...? How is everyone feeling? Everyone doing okay?

Thanks for reading, as always, my darlings. Your support means a lot, but at the same time, I totally get it if you read this shit and are like.. I'm out, you depressing fuck.

All good :3