Harriet was finally alone with her thoughts and she wasn't necessarily happy about it. There was plenty to do still and she did not appreciate the coalition Bones had formed with Amanda and Mrs. Thurston to see to it she 'rested,' of all things.
Pish! She didn't need rest! She needed to be out there – helping, doing what she did best!
… which was technically what she was doing now: avoiding her problems. Yes, she did that rather well actually. So well, in fact, she'd say she was a professional at it at this point.
But she couldn't avoid the issue that had been recently plaguing her mind forever. Now that she had time to herself, and no one willing to allow her to distract herself, she had no real choice but to face an aspect of her reality that she had never properly considered: had she had the option of staying in one reality all along? Had it merely been the act of dying that had triggered the choice? Had it been her allowing herself to make connections? If so, why now?
She'd made connections before. In the beginning, the twins had been her life line to sanity. It had taken decades to find peace in that … reality? Existence? Timeline?... and yet, when she found that peace, accepted that more than likely lost all chance of going 'home,' that Traveling may very well be a fact of her new life, it had been taken from her, no choice offered. Why had Death finally deigned to offer her this choice? How did It get off with implying she'd always had the choice?!
If she weren't so confused about it emotionally, she'd likely be angry.
The thing was, there was nothing natural about being the undead. The human soul, magical or otherwise, was not designed to live forever. Even that highlander, whoseamawhatsit, vaguely understood that. So, at some point, her existence had to come to an end. It was a point in fact she had been holding onto desperately for literally hundreds of years.
She tried not to examine that thought too closely.
Bones was impressed: somehow the assembly hall felt even more filled than it had the last time their class had been gathered. Which, sadly, he knew couldn't be true given the casualty lists that had eventually been published. Perhaps it was the anticipation? There was certainly a lot of talk surrounding this particular hearing and how it would resolve itself.
On the one hand, there were many who felt Jim had finally taken it one step too far. At the end of the day, cheating was still cheating and it undercut the efforts others put forward to pass the same exam. It also clearly showed that Kirk didn't have what it took to perform under pressure, making the hard decisions a captain could at some point expect to have to make.
On the other hand, it was Jim. He got away with everything.
But Bones was certain there would be consequences. Kirk and Spock may have come to some accord onboard the Enterprise, but that didn't necessarily translate into a lack of punishment for repeated insubordination on top of the cheating.
As he contemplated this, Hari quietly took a seat next to him in the front row. He knew perfectly well Jim had made a very poor impression on her, so he was nominally surprised to see her here.
He knew better, however, then to try guessing at a woman's intentions for doing anything.
"This assembly calls First Officer James Tiberius Kirk," the commandant called.
Jim stood quickly from his seat on the other side of Bones and stiffly, but confidently, walked down to the review stand at the center of the assembly hall's floor. When he stopped, he saluted, then went to parade rest. It was a serious adhesion to formality that had many in the hall staring in either wonder or suspicion.
"Your supreme dedication to your comrades is in keeping with Starfleet's tradition of service, and reflects credit upon yourself," the commandant began, likely in deference to Jim's minor status as a hero. "However," he continued in a stern voice, "it does not negate your academic indiscretions or the repeated instances of insubordination that were reported to this council by multiple sources."
Bones winced but acknowledged that Jim hadn't been subtle in his attempts to override Spock's command.
For his part, Jim stood stock still, not uttering a single word in his defense. Before Bones could wonder what Jim was playing at, or if he'd simply grown that much since their rather close brush with death, the commandant shuffled a few papers and continued.
"After a full review of your actions, both prior to boarding the Enterprise while on academic probation and during your time as First Officer of the Enterprise, it has been determined that we shall be lenient." Bones took in a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. "You are hereby stripped of your command and reinstated as an Academy cadet, eligible to graduate at the rank of ensign."
Bones watched in silence as Jim merely snapped off an acknowledging salute that would have brought a tear to his first-year instructor's eyes.
"Dismissed."
The hall broke out into noise as cadets made poor attempts at whispering their opinions and commentary to each other. Bones stood and quietly followed Jim out of the hall. Harriet, for better or worse, remained seated.
Harriet quietly approached the unfortunately large memorial that had been erected in memory of those lost during Nero's attack, holding a moderately sized wreath of flowers. Placing the wreath at the base of the memorial, she stepped back and quietly contemplated the names etched into the stone.
She remembered doing something similar once, with a reading partner she'd eventually called friend. It was a different memorial stone then, in a different time and place, but the sense of mourning of what was lost was still there.
But she didn't have hours to stare and wonder about what ifs and whys. She'd come to pay her respects, to acknowledge those who she'd been unable to save, the loss she'd been unable to prevent, even with Death's warnings. She'd come to promise that she'd do better, that she'd try harder, that she'd commit herself to the path she had chosen.
Afterall, she had chosen this and now it was time for her to live with the decision she had made.
As she stood there, she morbidly wondered how many more names she would add to her mental memorial stone before she properly died.
Of course, that was about the time Spock's admiring student decided to come stand next to her. For a time, they stood in an odd, almost companionable silence. Then, without turning to face her, Uhura (yes, she knew her name!) seemed to come to some sort of decision and spoke:
"I wanted to thank you, for helping the crew."
Harriet mentally scoffed; she deserved no one's thanks for doing what needed done. Even then, had she done enough? Had she truly 'served with distinction' as those listed before her had?
When she didn't answer, Uhura continued. "I don't think as many of us would have made it if you hadn't been there."
Harriet audibly sighed as her eyes once more skimmed over the myriad of names; there was no guarantee of that, for all that it was likely true. Without the advance warnings she had given Pike, would more ships have been lost?
"We all did what we had to do," she eventually settled on.
Uhura simply nodded and left it at that.
They stood that way for several long minutes more before Harriett took a deep breath in, mentally wished the fallen peace, turned, and went on her way. Uhura thankfully didn't make to follow her.
Spock's promotion from Lieutenant Commander to Commander was a quiet affair. Harriet thoroughly appreciated that as she really didn't know how many more official functions she could handle. She'd arrived just before the ceremony was to take place and taken a quiet seat in the back. She smiled ruefully at the open seat next to Amanda but didn't move to occupy it.
That she'd come at all was a minor miracle and spoke to her new resolve to properly live this existence.
It was unsettling for her, that they were making such a production out of Spock's promotion. Or were all promotions such a big deal? Of course, she knew why they were going out of their way to recognize him but it didn't make it settle any better. She knew for a fact Spock was himself wondering if he deserved the early promotion based on his own merits and actions or if it was partly a bribe to get him to stay in Starfleet given his near resignation.
And wasn't that something to hear? It was one thing for Amanda to mention it, it was another to hear talk of resignation from Spocky, who defined a good portion of his life by his Starfleet career. She hadn't said anything either for or against his decision, when he'd informed her of his promotion and commendations and his subsequent decision to accept both. She'd merely nodded her head in quiet support and offered to make him tea at her house afterward as a sort of quiet celebration.
Which would be awkward if Amanda and Sarek decided to join them as it was high time for her and Spock to have a frank discussion and this "celebration" was a perfect excuse.
Thankfully, even with the speeches and commendations and the pinning ceremony, the whole thing was still blessedly short, likely out of respect for Vulcan sensibilities. Which, surprise of all surprises, there were a fair number of Vulcans at the ceremony in quiet support of Spock. Most didn't stay to offer their congratulations, as that wasn't really the Vulcan thing to do, but it was quite touching that they'd showed up at all.
Harriet waited quietly off to the side, largely anonymous, as Spock spoke with all the necessary parties and personalities. Naturally, Amanda eventually spotted her and made her graceful way over, Sarek following sedately behind her.
"Harriet dear, it's good to see you made it. I was worried."
Harriet gave a weak smile, failing to hide her discomfort with the number of eyes that turned to look at her once she was identified.
"Amanda," she greeted as Amanda came in for a hug, "Ambassador Sarek. I hear you have a date for your departure to New Vulcan."
"Indeed. In two days time." She held Harriet at arms length. "You and Spock are of course welcome to visit."
…You and Spock? Harriet took a deep mental breath, even as her smile morphed into something a bit more surprised; she supposed they were practically an item now, weren't they?
"We'll do our best," she finally managed to get out. Their best what, however, was left unsaid.
That did not stop a slightly knowing gleam from entering Amanda's eyes or Sarek's hard to read stare.
"I know you will dear." Amanda gently squeezed her shoulders before finally dropping her hands and stepping away. "Now, make sure he properly celebrates?"
Harriet's smile at that was more genuine. "Of course." She'd even drink the tea with him!
"Good. Then we'll see you at the sendoff dear." And with that, they were gone. Harriet supposed that was in keeping with typical Vulcan directness and the image Amanda had to maintain these days as a pseudo elder but she really wished they'd stayed to talk longer. Now she was potentially at the mercy of others who might wish to speak with her.
Hmmm, now was a great time to go to the ladies' room, wasn't it?
"I know that look." Caught!
"What look?" She asked as innocently as she could muster.
Christopher Pike gave her a look. She widened her eyes just the slightest bit and stared right back. After a moment of consideration, he just shook his head in amusement.
"It's the look that says I'd rather be somewhere else."
She was not that obvious, thankyouverymuch!
She raised a very Spocky eyebrow at him, to which he had the nerve to laugh.
Thankfully, that was about when Spock graciously decided to save her by silently joining them.
"Ready?" she asked him. Pike had the nerve to smile at them.
"Congratulations again Spock. Now the two of you should go celebrate." Harriet's face contracted into one of suspicion, especially at the assumption that they would be celebrating together. Pike's smile only got wider. "I suggest you run while you have the chance, Harriet."
Well, she wasn't going to look a gift thestral in the mouth.
Spock quietly offered his arm and she took it quickly.
"Captain," Spock said, nodding just slightly in farewell.
They were off through the doors and out of the building in record time, without care for Pike's fond shake of the head or the rumors they left in their wake.
She didn't think this was quite what others had in mind when they thought of 'celebrating' but a simple tea service in her living room fit both Spock's preferences and her purposes. Once they were settled, and the beverages served, she took a moment to organize her thoughts.
She must have taken a moment too long, as Spock spoke up first.
"There is something you wish to discuss," he stated.
Harriet took a bracing sip of one of her favorite bolder tea blends before nodding.
"I think it is time to finally stop delaying another of our conversations."
Spock stared at her intently, but said nothing. She lowered her tea cup back onto her lap.
"I believe I once said that I don't have the time or desire to explain how I came to know the entity known as Death, but that I know it well." Spock, to his credit, merely nodded. "A side effect of the… incident… that led to that acquaintance, is my … longevity." She frowned slightly, unable to come up with a better explanation. "And I think, if we truly are to continue our … partnership, there are a few things you should probably understand."
A spark almost seemed to light in Spock's eyes with his curiosity. Still, he said nothing.
"I truly don't know where to begin. Normally, it would be at the start but I honestly don't remember all the details. And some of them are rather… fantastic." At that she gave him a small smile. "More pressingly, I need you to understand that I recently made a choice. One that I did not know I had, and, long story short," she hesitated here before looking Spock directly in the eye, "I've chosen you."
That got a visible reaction. But still no interruption. She huffed out a laugh.
"Even if you had chosen to go to New Vulcan, Spock, I would have followed."
Spock, the poor Vulcan, looked somewhere between shocked and confused, before setting his own teacup on the low table between them.
"That is…," his jaw tensed, then relaxed. "May I know why you have chosen now to tell me this?"
Her lips quirked. "I nearly died for the … for the first time in centuries, more than likely actually did die Spock, and was given the choice to come back or move onward. I made the choice that I could live with."
In the face of Spock's silence, she took another sip of tea, debating if she should wait or continue. Thankfully, Spock asked a question before she could flounder her way through anything else.
"You are saying that you died."
"Yes, as much as I can die at any rate." She shrugged, then looked off to the side. "It's never properly taken. Dying, that is." How is one supposed to explain that? "Also, according to Bones, my cells regenerate at a rate that likely means I'll never face a natural death." She couldn't bring herself to look back at him. "Will that be a problem?"
It took a long moment, but eventually he answered.
"No."
She nodded, then caught sight of Smaug and narrowed her eyes in suspicion; the cat had yet to forgive her for putting him into an outfit. Perhaps he was up to something?
"Is this why you fear telling Starfleet about your people?"
She jerked her attention back to Spock and answered warily.
"Partially." He raised an eyebrow, and she couldn't help the smile that came to her face. "I haven't seen another of 'my kind'" and she did use one-handed air quotes here "in more centuries than I can remember." She shrugged again. It was not something she was truly at peace with, but it was the truth, and a truth she'd come to accept.
He frowned slightly. "Centuries?"
"Centuries."
"Given the events of this past month, I believe it prudent to ask if that time was spent in this reality or time stream." Spock really knew how to turn a bland statement into an emotionally complex question, didn't he? She quirked her own eyebrow at him in response.
"I believe I have already indicated that it was not." She frowned slightly as a thought occurred to her. "Although, I did get the impression I would be staying in this one."
"Until?" he asked hesitantly.
Harriet looked at him in slight embarrassment. "I chose this reality Spock. I don't know if there ever will be another."
Let him guess at the implications of that.
Prompt: With Distinction; Confrontation between Uhura and Hari (partial fill for Nessamir; partial fill for Emilya13)
AN: and that is the last of the notes I have for this story, so I'd say it's officially done-done. Thank you all for sticking with the story through all the starts and stops and for all of your comments!
