Oh, what an awful nightmare...
No matter how hard I tried to keep my head above the blood, it just became thicker and thicker. It was boiling hot. I couldn't reach Kakuzu, I could barely even stay afloat.
More of the guys showed up over time, all of them, it seemed. I was delighted at first, I could hear them talking, but they were so worried… and so far away… and after enough screaming and crying and thrashing about, I was too tired to fight it any longer. Everything went dark.
The darkest it'd ever been.
I had no idea how much time had passed between then and the next time I dreamt. It felt like a lifetime.
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I found myself sitting there in a sprawling, open field on the perfect day. I glanced down to realize I was having tea. The wind was just enough to counteract the heat of the sun blazing above the virtually cloudless sky.
"Izumi," Sasori said, a small smile gracing his delicate features.
"Oh, Sasori," I greeted warmly at the sight of him and patted a spot next to me in the grass.
He snuck up out of nowhere.
There he was looking blank with just a hint of sass. He was wearing my yukata, no less, which I thought was rather rude and was going to chastise him for, but it actually looked quite nice on him.
Nicer than on me, I thought.
"God, am I glad to see you. I… I feel so strange. Do you know how long I've been here?" I asked, running my hands through my hair with exhaustion.
He didn't respond.
"Sasori? Can you hear me?" I asked, waving my hand arms around to get his attention. He didn't seem to react. "Sasori, please, I-I've been so… so lost? I can't even remember what I'm doing here," I admitted with a frown, touching his arm as he sat next to me.
I stared at him unblinkingly, waiting for a response.
"We're just here to see you before we head out. We have a big job, we may be gone for a little while," he replied quietly.
"Oh, is Dei with you?" I asked, whipping my head in every direction. He wasn't anywhere to be seen. My frown deepened as I stared over my shoulder at the empty, flower-pocked field.
"Kisame was saying how sometimes people in your condition can actually hear what's going on around them, yeah?"
Deidara's voice came from next to Sasori and I snapped to see them now sitting beside each other, looking at me expectantly.
I swore he was nowhere in sight just a second ago… freaking ninjas.
He was also wearing my yukata somehow. I didn't think about that too much. It hurt my brain to question things that didn't seem to make sense.
I supposed… I should've just been happy that I wasn't alone. Yeah. I was just glad to see them. And Kisame said something about me? I felt like it had been ages since I'd seen my giant blue friend. I'd have to check in on him soon.
I shook my head, a grin forming. "Pfft, so now, according to Kisame, I have a condition, do I?" I laughed. "Oh, I can't wait to hear about it. What does Kisame think my condition is, hm? Chronic Sexual Innuendo Overlooker? Compulsive Overcooker? Hey, that kinda rhym-"
He interrupted me.
"So we figured we'd pop in to say bye, yeah? I bet you'll be awake by the time we get back." He reached out and brushed one of my cheeks. "I hope, anyway."
Why did he sound so sad?
"Awake… am I not awake now?" I said with a laugh, holding his hand there. It felt nice and warm.
"Dei!" I squealed when I felt a wetness against my skin, his tongue licking up the side of my face gently.
"Heh… oops, sorry about that," he said, wrenching his hand back, almost embarrassed. Almost.
"Control yourself," Sasori scolded.
"What? It was like a… a get well lick! Yeah?" He said with a shrug.
Sasori glowered at his cheeky partner before unexpectedly reaching out and wrapping his cold fingers around my hand that stretched through the grass, drawing my attention back toward him. "I left your birthday gift on the nightstand. I think you'll like it. You are my favorite little lion tamer, after all."
"Sasori… you didn't actually need to get me anything," I said, angling my head at him.
Deidara sighed and chimed back in. "Well, we better go. Gotta keep on a schedule, yeah? See you soon, Izumi." He still sounded too melancholy as he leafed through my hair for just a moment.
It wasn't typical of him to show such casual affections with me anyway. Something was off.
"Okay… bye guys." I pouted. "I really miss you!" I called out after them.
They didn't say anything more.
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I was in my cozy little nightmare again, surrounded by flames and wailing half-corpses, a shadowed figure in the distance. My mom was calling me over but I… I couldn't muster the effort to engage. Not just then. I was feeling so strangely sluggish… maybe next time.
I just sat and buried my face into my knees and waited it out.
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"Hey there, sweetheart, how are we doing today?" Hidan asked.
Suddenly both his hands were clasping around just one of mine. He squeezed and shook it a little. I was a bit taken aback, seeing as I was in the middle of painting a giant mural on the blank wall of my room.
He must have entered so quietly.
"Hidan… geez, you scared me," I laughed. "Aaaand now you're getting paint all over your hands. Lovely." I pointed out when I realized he hadn't taken much care in avoiding the paint-soaked brush I was holding, and, subsequently, he was now also holding.
"How's that fever doing today?" he asked, pressing a paint-covered hand to my forehead.
"Fever? Um, excellent? Almost like I don't have one…? Weird question, even for you, Hidan," I tutted, feeling totally fine. "And okay, now you're getting paint all over me," I whined incredulously.
It was like he didn't even care or notice somehow.
"Shit, not too bad… better than yesterday anyway," he mused before running his fingers through my hair.
I deadpanned thinking about the effort to wash the paint out of it later.
I was going to yell at him, but he started in again, his voice so oddly longing.
"God... you look like a fucking mess, baby girl… the beautiful little disaster you are..." he murmured, tucking the hair behind my ear.
I scoffed. "Well I imagine that's true, seeing as how you're making a mess of me. I'm not sure if I should be amused or flattered," I said, feeling flustered by his absolute disregard for what I was trying to accomplish, but not entirely hating the weird, backhanded compliment.
"Be gentle with her, Hidan…" Kakuzu's voice suddenly cut through the room.
I'm not sure how I hadn't noticed him before.
He was at the other end of the wall helping me paint, apparently. I gave him a little smile and a wave. I couldn't remember the last time I saw him. Strange.
"Like I don't fucking know that… I'm fucking… gentle as shit, you old fuck," Hidan spat, though loosening his grip on my hand just a bit.
After a long glare directed at his partner, Hidan looked back at me with an oddly soft, pleading expression.
"I'm here, baby girl… you take all the time you need to get better," he said quietly, bringing my hand to his mouth and planting a litany of kisses across my knuckles before releasing it and walking off.
I chuffed disapprovingly. "Listen, I know I'm not a professional painter or anything but I don't think I need to 'get better', it's just my room and it's not that bad," I said defensively, gesturing to the wall with irritation.
What was I even painting again?
I looked at the wall and gaped.
Like, I think my jaw actually hit the floor. It was absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, Hidan's freaking thingee. It was massive and painted in fine detail down to the most tertiary vein across my entire freaking wall.
"OH MY GOD!" I shrieked.
Kakuzu was at the other end of the wall silently and diligently detailing the scrotum with silvery pubic hairs.
"Don't look!" I shouted at Hidan, trying to make myself big as I stretched out in front of the wall. It was a rather sad attempt, honestly.
"Ugh, that's way too fucking thick… how does she like this shit?" Hidan mumbled, "how about something a bit more reasonable, a nice, short one."
I gawked at him. I couldn't believe he wanted me to make it smaller.
I outright refused. First of all, it wouldn't be accurate. Secondly, and despite having no recollection of it, it was clear that I had already put a considerable amount of time and effort into this penis and I wasn't willing to make such a sweeping edit.
"Try that blue one," Kakuzu said.
My gape continued. I couldn't believe it. First Hidan wanted me to make it smaller, now Kakuzu wanted me to make it blue?!
"Absolutely not!" I yelled in disbelief. "I… I'll be honest... I'm not sure why I painted this, but you know what, I like it! I like it big and… a-and peachy! You guys can paint your own dicks however you want in your own rooms!"
"Ooh, yeah okay, Good fucking call." Hidan said.
Unbelievable. He was really gonna go paint a little penis in his room.
He continued, "A nice short one. 'The Immortal Soul', by some fucking person I don't care about. Sounds good to me," Hidan said, flipping through some pages.
I suddenly realized Hidan had gone to the bookshelf… he'd been picking out a book... That's what they'd been talking about all along...
Boy, was there egg on my face. In fact, there was practically a whole freaking chicken coop on it.
I couldn't seem to get my head on straight. Everything always seemed a little weird, a little off, like no one could even notice me but at the same time, they would be talking to me. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.
How could I be seemingly surrounded by people yet feel so alone?
I mean for Bean's sake, they weren't even noticing the sizable hunk of male anatomy throbbing across my wall.
And was it wrong to be a little offended? All things considered… it really did look pretty good.
Hidan pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down, licking his index to flip past the author's notes at the beginning.
"Blah blah blah, buncha shit no one cares about.." he mumbled as he did so. "Heyyy, Chapter fucking one. Seems like a good spot to start, right? You ready for this, sweetheart? Seems like a real fucking juicy one."
He began reading. I thought it was strange, considering I wasn't lying in bed, but I moved to lay down after a few moments. His voice was soothing and surprisingly animated.
Kakuzu would scoff and make comments from time to time about how stupid the characters were, which only added to the charm of it.
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Ice fishing seemed like a cool hobby, maybe. Evidently, I was giving it a whirl.
Sitting on an overturned bucket, I intently watched my bobber floating in the middle of the jagged, carved circle of ice by my feet. A long time went by.
I was also attempting patience. Lord knew I had to have some, considering I put up with the Akatsuki boys once upon a time.
What ever happened to them...?
No matter. The bobber and I became friends.
Bob dipped. They wobbled and wavered before becoming entirely submerged. I juggled my fishing rod frantically, trying to remember what to do when I actually got something. And holy moley, whatever I had, it was big.
The line zipped, practically smoking on the reel before I was able to stop it and start pulling it back. My tongue peeked from my lips, eyebrows knotted with determination as I cranked on the rod with a fury no fish had ever seen before.
Only it wasn't a fish. It was freaking... Itachi.
"Izumi…" Itachi's quiet voice practically sighing out my name startled the living beans out of me as he flew out up and out of the hole, knocking me over and landing harshly by my side.
"Itachi," I gasped, clapping my hand over my heart, trying to bring it's beating to a reasonable speed. "Good lord, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I questioned, still catching my breath.
He flopped around a little before pushing himself up to his elbows and edging closer so he was propped over me.
"I just… wanted to apologize..."
What in the nine hecks was even happening?
"You're a merman?!" I shouted in disbelief, staring at his aquatic bottom half. I started reeling through how that might have explained a few things.
Maybe that's why he rejected me. Maybe it was because we were just from two different worlds… our destinies forbidden to entwine... and he was obviously trying to protect me from his overbearing merman overlord, who also happened to be his stepfather.
His emotionally-wrought sigh pulled me from the entirely believable theory I'd concocted on the fly.
"I'm sorry that I can't come see you. It's just… not safe," he said, seaweed tangled in his hair quite badly. I frowned at it. That was going to drive me nuts.
I tried to remember where I put my comb. I… I tried to remember anything. It hurt my head.
Not safe? Of course it wasn't safe. A human and a merman forming a union? Tch… please… his lordship would never hear of such a thing.
"Is it your step father?" I asked, shaking my head with worry.
He clasped my hands in his, squeezing them for just a moment.
"That's… that's all. I'm sorry… " he said, clipped and bleak, rutting himself around on the ice to slide back into the hole he originally came flying out of.
"Wait, no! Don't leave me alone!" I cried out, trying to grab after him but he was just too slippery. My hand plunged into the icy waters, glancing off his fin in vain.
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"Baby… I'm trying to be so patient… I'm waiting for you but it… it's fucking killing me."
It was Hidan again. He showed up a lot.
This was one of the times that I just listened.
They never heard me when I talked, anyway. None of them. Sometimes I'd forget that and I'd have to get frustrated and learn it all over again.
But this was one of the times that I just listened.
We were outside, lying beneath the stars. They were impossibly bright and lazily blinking down at us, like they had all the time in the world. I had no concept of time either. Not lately. Everything seemed to blend together.
I felt perpetually lost.
Sometimes it felt like Hidan was trying to show me the way, always with my hand in his, always leading me, asking me to come back to him… asking… but also sometimes begging.
Hidan's fingers were soothing through my hair at the moment as I laid on my back, my head lolling a bit to look up at him. He sat, legs crossed, gazing down at me. Me of all things, even when he had all those stars. He was a silly man.
He took a big, shaky breath. "I feel fucking crazy without you. Everything is so loud, sweetheart, I just… I fucking miss your quiet so damn much… and your nerdy fucking laugh… and the way you call me on my bullshit… and correct me when I fuck up a saying..."
God, he sounded broken.
"Hey… Izumi…" he said, and I could hear the gears turning in his beautiful, thick skull, "Did you know... that you… you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it fuck…?" he said, somewhat expectantly.
There was a long bout of silence before he let out a defeated, humourless laugh.
"Eh… it was worth a shot…" he murmured like he had half expected me to jolt up and say, "It's 'drink' you absolute biscuit."
Like my intense desire to get him to stop screwing up common idioms would be the thing that motivated me to come crashing through this seemingly supernatural barrier.
He took my hands in his and placed them against the sides of his head, holding them there over his ears so my fingers tickled into his hairline, breathing in deeply through his nose, his eyes closed tightly, brows knitted.
Another breath. Then another… and another.
He did that for a while. It was the same sort of breathing exercise he'd taught me once upon a time. I just watched and listened.
If I even bothered with an attempt to speak, it would have just come out as this tearful, squeaking thing. I couldn't stand seeing him like this.
It was almost as bad as my nightmares. I felt so powerless against it.
"Just come back to me, baby girl… please," he pleaded, letting his head drop, gripping my hands harder against him. I'd never heard his voice so quiet and wavering."I'm waiting for you… God fucking damnit, I'll wait for fucking ever, but… please... don't make me, baby..."
It was unbearably soul crushing to listen to him.
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"Iz… you wouldn't believe the food in this place lately… It's been a fucking disgrace to your name," Kisame wailed.
He came in to complain about the food a lot. His mouth was usually full when he did, so it was typically regarding whatever unholy abomination he or someone else attempted to make that day.
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"Hey there, sweetheart. Sorry about before… I was just being a little bitch. I'm totally fine, baby, nothing to worry about, you take all the time you need. I'll be right here," he said, punctuating it with a kiss to my forehead. His voice was not nearly as heavy and burdened as it had been last time.
He stayed there long enough for me to count two waves of exhales from his nose before pulling away just barely.
Shifting down so his lips hovered over mine, he stayed so close they were nearly grazing. He swallowed audibly and I could feel the breath against me.
I longed so deeply for him to close the space. I needed it more than anything.
"I shouldn't… right?" He murmured so quietly I could barely hear him.
Similar to when I would try to speak, my voice falling on deaf ears, my touch also seemed afflicted by this haunting curse. I could only ever be on the receiving end of anyone's affections and it was unbearable torture, pining for what I couldn't even ask for.
But it didn't stop me from trying.
"Yes, you should," I choked. "Please just kiss me, Hidan," I whispered against his breath.
He stayed there, completely still except for the warmth lightly gusting against my face. It set my every nerve ending on fire with anticipation.
"I know I shouldn't, baby… but goddamn… I want to kiss you so bad." His voice reached a record low, the gravel in it hitting such an aching note. His hands hugged the sides of my face.
"I-I need you to, Hidan, please. I… I'm so scared," I said, biting back a sob but not able to stop my tears. "And I miss you so much... I've been so lost without you, without everyone, anyone. I've never felt so alone, so… please… please kiss me," I begged, each shaky word whispered from my lips wrenched my chest tighter as I waited with bated breath.
He was taking so long to decide. My throat hurt from holding back the horrible sob confined within it. I couldn't start with that, I wouldn't be ready to kiss him back.
"Oh, sweetheart... what… what is….?" he asked disjointedly with pitching alarm, jerking his head back, the absence of his breath leaving me feeling impossibly cold.
"Baby no… no, no, no… what is this?" he sounded stretched between frantic and disgusted as his hands suddenly wiped at the corners of my eyes and cheeks.
"I-I'm sorry," I croaked wanting to strip his voice of every pained ounce composing it.
"Why are you crying, sweetheart? Ugh, God... I-I'm here, baby girl, I'm right fucking here, I've got you," he soothed with a certain madness running through his fingers as they continued brushing against my skin somewhat neurotically.
"Fuck, can… can you hear me in there, baby girl? God, baby, give me a fucking sign or something. I don't know what the fuck to do here," he pleaded like a desperate prayer.
I didn't either. I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't touch him. Yet somehow he knew I was there and crying. How on earth could any of this be possible?
"Fuck, sweetheart, stop crying. Stop fucking crying, please. You're fine, I've got you…" he begged, continuing to brush at my cheeks. "Holy fuck, if you can hear me baby, I… fuck, I need you to listen to me, I need you to fucking hear something… okay?"
The frenzied, guilty tenor of his voice made me anxious. I didn't want to hear it. It didn't sound like anything good.
He was petting me incessantly. Smoothing my hair back and wiping my tears into it. "Baby… baby, listen to me… if you can fucking hear me... I'm so sorry I left you," he said, just so utterly destroyed. "I fucking… I left you that day. I left you and then this happened when I wasn't there."
Oh God… it was the worst thing he could have said. He was apologizing… he thought this was his fault? Whatever 'this' even was.
"Hidan, i-it's okay! I-I'm ok-"
He cut me off.
"I swear to God, baby girl, come back to me and I fucking promise I'll never leave your side again. I… I should have fucking been there. I should have fucking… been there. I can't even fucking believe I fucked up this bad, sweetheart… I just… please forgive me, baby."
I'd never heard him so shattered. It broke me.
He continued choking out his speech. "I haven't wanted forgiveness a day in my life until you. I'm fucking sick over it, baby girl. Don't fucking hate me, sweetheart…please... I really think that's the one fucking thing that would kill me. I never should have left you... I know that now."
He… he thought somewhere in the darkest reaches of his mind that I could possibly hate him?
Oh, it made me ill.
"Baby… I'm so sorry… but since I'm already asking for forgiveness, I seriously need to fucking do this," he said, and it was the only brief warning I had before I liquefied beneath the warmth of his lips pressing hesitantly against mine.
I'd been waiting for it. I'd been imagining it. I'd been so starved, nothing could have prepared me for how it actually felt.
Hidan was a powerful, dominant, alpha male, for all intents and purposes, and his affections were always a show of this, but this one… it was different. It was so chaste, so gentle against me. Like he was scared I might break beneath anything more.
I felt his heat in full, it was all-encompassing, but also all of his restraint as he tethered to me in the softest way. It was a strange mix of careful indulgence and I could do nothing but weaken beneath it.
He broke briefly.
"Fuck... please fucking forgive me, sweetheart," he pleaded, slurring against my lips, not even able to fully part with them before he returned to the soft, sweet press. I could feel everything he'd been saying through that kiss alone.
His guilt and anguish, his longing. An aching desperation to have me back but also a patience to wait an eternity. It was somehow all there and I couldn't tell if it was tearing me apart or piecing me back together.
Regardless, I lulled into it, my prayers finally answered. I'd finally gotten what I had begged for and it was more comfort than I could have imagined.
He couldn't manage a clean break, his lips pecking at mine a few times before finally pulling back. The relief in his voice was thick, beneath it just a whisper of a smile.
"That's my girl, no more fucking tears," he murmured, seeing how my eyes had stopped their incessant leaking.
"Was that all you wanted, sweetheart?" he asked, his voice light again. "I wasn't sure you'd want me to, but… seems like you're doing okay now, a little less shitty, yeah?" He sighed, relieved and brushing my bangs back, letting a silent moment pass.
"Yeah, me too…" he said wistfully, as if I'd answered him.
I heard the click of a door opening. We'd been in a strange sort of dissociative, blank, pocket dimension just kind of floating there, but the noise sent my mind reeling to put it into context and we quickly found ourselves in my room. It was rather tame compared to a lot of other locations I'd been dropped into.
Kakuzu's voice made my ears prick, he talked so little. I suddenly realized he was right behind Hidan.
"Why is her face all wet, Hidan?" He was in rare form already with a sharp accusatory tone. Hidan, shockingly, didn't seem to let it bother him.
"She was crying again... not sure why. Seems alright now…" he said absently, deep in thought, "Man, I think Kisame might actually be right. I think she can fucking hear us in there."
Kakuzu grunted in response. "What makes you say that? Did you say something stupid to make her cry?"
"No," Hidan spat defensively.
Kakuzu grunted skeptically. "How is she otherwise, you temp her?" he followed up, approaching to stand beside Hidan.
"Yeah, just a little high, but not bad. Her cheeks have some color today," Hidan said, carding through my hair still.
They were talking about me like a hospital patient or something. I just laid there in my confusion, enjoying the gentle affections from one of the roughest men I knew.
Oh, make that two.
Kakuzu leaned over and placed a heavy hand on my forehead, lingering a moment before brushing one of my cheeks with a surprising tenderness.
"Hm, look at that. She does," Kakuzu agreed quietly like he was talking to himself.
"That's good, right? You think that means she'll wake up soon?" Hidan asked, unable to tone back his hopefulness.
"Hidan…" Kakuzu warned. It was obvious this question had been asked before, too many times from the sound of it.
"Yeah, yeah, I fucking know… 'How the fuck would I know that?'," Hidan mocked his partner's severe, gravelly voice. "I'm just fucking... curious about your opinion...fuck..."
Always so unruly.
"You want my opinion? Here it is. Shut the fuck up, Hidan," Kakuzu snapped back.
"Whatever…" Hidan waved him off.
He'd become so… agreeable? Well, for him, anyway.
"Here's another one for you," Kakuzu said, "you need to eat something."
Hidan grumbled, "Tch, I ate a few days ago."
"Right. What did I just say?" Kakuzu deadpanned.
"Not like I'm gonna die," Hidan said, shrugging.
"Hidan… just fucking eat," Kakuzu ordered, followed by the sound of a paper bag thudding onto Hidan's lap.
"Ow, what the fuck dude, that shit fucking sack tapped me… fuck..." Hidan groaned, curling up a bit and grabbing his crotch.
"Stop being difficult. Things are hard enough as it is without you being a fucking brat," Kakuzu said without so much as an air of apology.
"The fuck is in here…? Shit is fucking heavy…" Hidan muttered, opening the bag, the pungent but pleasant scent of teriyaki jerky wafting out. "Holy fuck, where did you even get all this? This is like five fucking pounds of jerky, dude."
"Just eat," Kakuzu said firmly. He was done talking.
He never spoke much while he performed whatever bizarre ritual he had begun, his hands warm and humming as they passed over my form slowly, pressing and prodding, sometimes hovering in the same spot for a long time.
It was something I came to look forward to. With everyone acting like I was the invisible, mute woman, the receiving end of someone's touch was really all I had to find comfort in, and Kakuzu's in particular made me feel nice.
Snuggly and safe and warm.
He would just absolutely hate that description of what his hands on my body made me feel, but it couldn't be argued. Facts are facts.
He was a shnugglebug.
They glided across the bare skin of my belly, stilling from time to time before moving to my chest, halting over my heart for a while. Were it most anyone else's hands reaching up under my clothes to gently explore my body, I would have freaked out.
I think I may have at first, but over time I'd become accustomed to it. This was just something he did now. It was often and never in any invasive way.
"You never talk to her during this shit, or like… ever," Hidan remarked, his mouth full.
Silence.
"Why not?" Hidan prodded, mouth even fuller.
Kakuzu made a low rumbling noise of irritation in his throat.
"Yo," Kisame cut in, door clicking shut behind him. "How's the little beanarino today? I didn't miss the lunchtime reading, did I?" he asked, a little too worried, and I didn't get the sense it was about me.
"Nah, haven't even started. Kakuzu was just about to tell me why he doesn't talk to her even though he's in here all the fucking time," Hidan said non-chalantly.
"Hidan, like usual, is incorrect," Kakuzu said flatly, pulling his hands from me and straightening out my clothes.
Kisame couldn't be bothered with talk until he figured out where that delicious smell was coming from.
"What is that?" Kisame asked pointedly, craning to look at the bag in Hidan's lap.
Hidan smirked. "Hm? Oh, this is my doctor recommended snack. It's a prescription so I probably shouldn't share," he said, overly apologetic.
"Oh ho ho, really? Think this doctor of yours would be willing to write me a prescription?"
Hidan shrugged, "Who knows, he's kind of a dick."
Kakuzu reached over with a long arm and snatched the bag from Hidan, tossing it over to Kisame. "Yes, he would. Here's your fucking script, Kisame."
"Score," Kisame hissed victoriously, fisting into the bag.
"Hey, fuck you gramps, I thought you said I should fucking eat?!" Hidan shouted incredulously.
"And you did," Kakuzu said curtly.
Luckily the boys played nice and Kisame threw the bag back after taking out a handful. A Kisame-sized handful. Five pounds sounded like a lot until you took into account who was eating it.
"So you don't chat her up either, Kakuzu?" Kisame asked, licking his fingers. "That's shitty, I bet she's bored in there. Itachi's the same way though."
"Yeah, well, that's because Itachi is a little bitch," Hidan said matter-of-factly.
"Aw, are you implying that Kakuzu isn't?" Kisame asked. "That's cute, man. I've never seen you guys get along so well. When's the wedding? Do I get a plus one?"
Hidan grinned. "Well we were thinking next Spring. Izumi would be fucking pissed if we didn't wait for her, she's the fucking flower girl after all. We're only inviting casual acquaintances, friends, and family though, sorry dude."
Kisame grinned back. "Damn man, in that case, sucks no one will be coming," he tutted with mock sympathy.
"Oh no, we'll both be coming. Kakuzu is a total fucking power-bottom," Hidan said with so much audacity it would have killed him had he not been immmortal.
Aaand suddenly Hidan was being choked out against the wall by Kakuzu, not that it stopped him from cracking up in his grumpy mug. Kisame also thought it was an absolute riot.
"Shut the fuck up, Hidan, you would only be so fucking lucky," Kakuzu growled against his ear, before dropping him to the ground after he felt he'd sufficiently crushed his trachea.
Hidan brushed himself off, half coughing, half laughing. "Damn dude, that was kind of sexy, you got a fucking crush on me or something?" Hidan asked, pushing his luck and grinning slyly.
"Either read the fucking lunch book or get the fuck out," Kakuzu demanded, sending a paperback book to flap through the air at Hidan's head. He managed to catch it, still laughing at his own joke.
'The lunch book'. It was so cute they called it that. They had unwittingly started a little book club between the three of them, meeting with me around lunch every day so Hidan could read the next chapter.
"Fucking fine, fine… wasn't a 'no' though…" he said, rubbing his throat and mumbling the last part under his breath. Kisame and him continued to snicker like idiots together until Hidan opened to the bookmarked page.
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Fire. Screaming. All that jazz.
Here we go again.
I was back in that nightmare, unshockingly. I couldn't get away from it. I was ready to just explore the thing thoroughly just to get it over with quicker.
My mom was once again pushing my brother at me, her body pinned beneath a giant wooden beam. Aki was wailing as loud as the cacophony around us. She urged me to take him and run.
She wouldn't let me argue. I decided to give in this time.
Flustered and frantic, I took him from her in a rush. Aki wasn't quite an infant, he was old enough to walk at least, maybe one, a little older perhaps. His lungs were healthy and testing their limits as he shrieked in my arms.
I couldn't just leave her like that though, my mom. I stalled, unable to just blindly follow her order to flee.
"Take him and get somewhere safe!" She urged with a wince. I shook my head. How could I leave her behind?
"Honey, you need to run! Take Aki and go! I will be okay! Go find your father!" She was screaming with every ounce of energy left in her.
Something twisted happened along the way. Her voice distorted like it was being pulled through a bottle, warping and fluctuating in some unholy way. I choked down the urge to vomit as her face began melting as if she was made of wax.
"Oh… oh God," I croaked, covering Aki's frantically wandering eyes, stumbling backwards. Her half flesh-stripped, skeletal figure continued yelling at me to go and that time I listened.
I took Aki and I ran.
I ran in the only direction that was fully lit. I had tried going that way before and I didn't seem to make it anywhere... but my mind was barely functioning and I knew every other direction led me to nothing but an abyssal sea of darkness based on my previous exploration.
This time was different.
The scenery held no trick of the mind, no illusion as I blew past flaming pyres of rubble mixed with bodies, some corpses and some loudly on their way to becoming corpses. The trees and structures and people all aflame lit a bright path toward the figure in the distance.
A shadowy, thin figure with long hair blustering about in the surrounding firestorm.
These were details I couldn't make out before… something really was different now, I was getting closer.
Was this the person that caused all of this destruction? Or was it the one that would save us from it? I was supposed to find my father, was this him?
It was a chance I had to take. There was no other choice.
The closer I drew towards the figure, the slower I seemed to become. It was so strange, it wasn't that I'd grown sluggish or feeble in any way, and it's not that I was being deceived by some warping of my surroundings like before.
Aki was getting heavier in my arms and I was alarmed to find he'd grown practically twice his size when I looked down at him.
Something wasn't right.
I didn't dare stop running but I couldn't stop staring down at him. Why was he so freaking big all of a sudden?
Then it struck me… he didn't grow. I had gotten smaller.
Not just smaller though… I'd become a child.
Maybe 5 or 6 years old. The skin of my arms smooth and tanned, struggling to carry the increasingly hefty child in my underdeveloped muscles.
We were getting so close though. I realized with a trill that I could even make out some features of the man. At least, they seemed like a man, paler than any I'd seen before and… it seemed like… he was smiling?
I squinted, scrunching my face to get a better look as I trudged towards him.
Yes, he was definitely smiling. It wasn't broadly or even with teeth, just something quiet and patient upturning the corners of his lips.
That seemed good, right? Smiling was a friendly thing… right?
Something about it felt off though, like it sent some uneasy snake to squirm in my belly, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know where else to go, and it wasn't just about me, I had Aki to worry about and my arms were growing so tired.
This man exuded nothing but pure power as he stood there patiently, wreathed in flame but none of it touching him. If he was an ally, he would be a good one to have.
"Help us! Please!" I cried out, my voice so squeaky and cherub-like. I'd almost forgotten I reverted back to my youth for a hot second. Hopefully that wasn't permanent…
Doubled over and huffing, straining to catch my breath, I finally came upon him. His face, while slightly unnerving, was strangely pleasant and calming. I felt helplessly pulled into his calculating gaze, the lavender markings around them were uniquely pretty, and the eyes themselves reminding me of a cat.
He stepped forward, stooping down to level my stare.
"Oh, you poor thing," he soothed with a sympathetic tilt of his brows, the firelight flickering vividly in the reflection of his eyes, still maintaining that subtle smile somehow. "Don't tell me you're all alone? This is a dangerous place for children right now."
"I-I was with my mom… but she… she got hurt. Sh-she told me to run, but I-I don't know where to go," the further I got in my explanation, the more I realized how utterly helpless I was and the more frantic I became.
It was as if my mind was also reverting to that of a child's. I seemed entirely unable to process my situation. If I thought I was quick to cry before, this version of myself put adult Izumi to shame.
The man had a gentle touch, smoothing down the back of my hair, still looking at me with that disarming stare.
Despite my severe case of faucet-face and an uncontrollable hiccup every few words, I continued rambling. "I-I have my… my br-brother too. Everything's s-so scary, will you… h-help us? P-please?"
His smile grew and the hand on my head pulled me closer to him as he crouched down fully.
"My, what a sweet little girl, taking care of your little brother like that," he said with a voice like honey. "I'm so glad you found me, Izumi. Of course I can help…"
My heart swelled as he lifted us both from the ground and began carrying us off into the darkness. Nevermind the fact that I hadn't given him my name.
"W-wait! Will you help my m-mom? She's b-back there!" I asked, crying out with a conflicted sob, relieved to be rescued but still terrified in every sense of the word.
"Oh, I'll come back for her," he assured into my hair as I squeezed tightly around his neck.
"H-how will you know who she is?" I asked.
"I know, child. Don't you worry..." he soothed, and while I couldn't see his face, I could still hear the smile.
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"Izumi, you wouldn't believe it," Kisame started, an excited tremor to him, "the most amazing thing happened today."
I couldn't help but giggle at his excitement.
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"I know what you're thinking, 'oh yeah? What's that?'," he said in a rather terrifying impression of me that was not at all accurate… I hoped. "Well let me tell you..."
I deadpanned. Why did I even bother speaking?
"Itachi woke up with the biggest fucking pimple this morning. You wouldn't believe it. Itachi, the perfectionist, a monster fucking zit, right on his nose."
There was a heavy sigh and I realized Itachi was there as well. It was distinctly his sigh.
Itachi spoke softly as usual and it was just such a soothing sound. It came so rarely.
"Kisame… are you, by chance, attempting to goad me into speaking by lying to Izumi about a fictional blemish of all things?"
Kisame turned to his partner with a benign expression. "Now what would make you think such a thing, Itachi? Not only that, but isn't it great just how well it worked?"
Itachi did not speak a word, giving a pointed look of disapproval at his aquatic companion.
"Aw come on, dude. You have to admit it worked. I bet Izumi is laughing her little ass off in there," he said, tapping on my forehead.
I scowled and swatted him away. I was not laughing my ass off, I was totally confused. And I was trying to catch a very elusive butterfly and they were not helping. I was seriously amazed all three of us were all on the same tree branch and it hadn't broken yet.
That didn't mean I wasn't happy to see them though… obviously. That and they clearly scared the butterfly away.
"Izumi, I need you to get your ass up just to talk some sense into this idiot. I know you can hear us in there. Some people don't think so, and some people are dead fucking wrong."
"Not this again…" Itachi muttered. "I'm going to go."
Kisame called after him using a colorful variety of names but the door did click shut behind him.
Odd, considering we were in a tree.
I made a note to explore the tree as I imagined it provided housing for elves or other magical creatures which could be fun to explore.
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"Domine omnipotens, sacrificio madens sanguine…"
Hidan was praying, muttering unintelligible words by my side.
"Audi verba mea, quaeso, deduc me. Fessus sum. infirmus sum. fessus sum. Dirige me. In tenebras exteriores."
My hand was so small in his. He'd give it a squeeze from time to time, his thumb constantly rubbing over my knuckles.
"Hae te sustentent. Permitte mihi te lavari in hoc sanguine. in eo quoque lavo. Et nos unum sumus."
This would go on for hours at a time. It was haunting and eerie to be honest, but his voice, deep and whispered, was like a drug and I would always drop what I was doing and lull into it.
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No one spoke. I wouldn't have even thought anyone was there if not for the warm, heavy weight on my head. Sometimes it would move through my hair and come down to rub against my cheek or gingerly press against the center of my forehead.
I imagined a tiny animal riding my head, something nuzzling, prodding me to do something, but I didn't know what. Everyone was always urging me to wake up, I supposed.
Maybe that was it.
But I was awake already… wasn't I?
Where was everyone, anyway? When was the last time I saw... Deidara and Sasori? My God. That thought gave my heart a little start. It felt like I had almost forgotten about them, it had been so long.
I needed to get out of this place. Everything was confusing, and when it wasn't...
It was just dark.
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The crickets rallied a chorus, the summer night fully in tune with them.
I was at a bathhouse with Hidan and Kakuzu, and, much to my delight or chagrin, I'm honestly not sure which, we were all unclothed and enjoying a good soak… and I was enjoying the view.
Hidan was, as per usual, holding my hand and staring at me intently.
"I'm fucking missing the hell out of you tonight, sweetheart… it's fucking bad. Miss that stupid fucking laugh of yours… your scrunched up face when I say some dumbass shit..." he said, holding my hand firmly against his chest.
He was always going on about all the things he missed about me. I think it was meant to sound sweet but his voice was oddly strained and only sent me worrying. It made me wonder if I was a ghost or something.
Maybe that's why no one could hear me...
"Hidan… are you sure you should be in here with her?" Kakuzu piped up wearily from the other side of the steaming pool.
I wasn't sure why he was wearing a large top hat or when he'd grown a mustache. It was a mood, and not a good one.
"Fuck off, I wouldn't fucking risk it if I thought otherwise. You know she makes them quieter, anyway," he retorted with a sneer.
I didn't say a word, I just cocked my head trying to figure out the meaning behind his words. He had made comments before about how I 'make everything quiet' and I'd never gotten to ask what that meant exactly.
Kakuzu chuffed. "Well to be safe, when I leave tonight, you leave."
"Fucking… yeah, whatever."
There was silence. Hidan brought my hand from his chest to his lips. He kissed my fingers and mumbled against them. "Kakuzu's still a big fucking prick, in case you'd forgotten… pretty tough to forget though…"
Kakuzu spoke to me directly, which was rare. "Yes, Izumi. I'm the fucking prick making sure you don't get killed by Hidan's better half," he said, his voice raised from across the pool.
His mustache seemed to be getting bigger. It was unnerving.
"Come on dude, I fucking hate when you call them that. And they're not that loud tonight, not like I'm gonna listen, anyway." He was back to brushing my hair with one hand, his other resting softly on my leg.
"Yes. I'm sure they'll be perfectly respectful of your feelings, like they always are."
"Look," Hidan said with a venomous level of seriousness. "I am in control around her. Me. I'm the one in fucking control. Not them. So fuck off and fuck you."
Kakuzu silently appraised his young partner, saying something so calmly that it only infuriated him more.
"I believe that you believe that, Hidan."
"Okay, you know what, let's fucking go. I'll fucking kill you right now, you great grandpa motherfucker," Hidan spat. There was a grinding metal on stone noise and I was shocked to see Hidan pull his scythe out, right there in the hot spring.
I shuddered at the thought of where he'd been keeping it.
"You'll kill me?" Kakuzu said, darkly humorous with a hint of challenge. "I'm the only person keeping her alive. I'd love to see you study all these texts and perform medical ninjutsu on the necessary level."
Hidan just glared at the older man. I was totally lost.
"Give it a try, Hidan. Let's see if you can reduce the swelling of her brain without making it explode. Let's see if you can manipulate your chakra to activate the right proteins in order to induce healing of any kind."
I preferred he didn't.
Hidan didn't say anything.
"As expected," Kakuzu said with a pointed look. "Why don't you stick to something you're good at and continue reading that book to her."
I had a sneaking suspicion that Kakuzu was the one that wanted to be read to. We did leave off at a very juicy moment.
"Fine…" Hidan spat, pulling the book out.
From where? I don't know. Again, I was concerned. Though not as much as I was with the scythe.
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An Aside: Kisame and Itachi
"Hey kiddo, keep just laying around like this and you'll lose all those massive muscles you worked so hard for," Kisame said, plopping down at the end of the bed by Izumi's feet.
It creaked beneath him as he sunk down. He placed his giant hand on her ankle and rubbed it as close to gently as he could get.
"Ah, I'm only kidding, you're still jacked as hell," he said with a smile. "Oh and get excited, I brought the quiet one."
Itachi approached the side of the bed, staring down at Izumi's impossibly frail form laying there, her chest raising and lowering in a shallow rhythm.
"Fucking say something, man," Kisame said under his breath with exasperation.
There was a sigh to meet him with equal parts frustration. "She can't hear me, Kisame. There's no point to this."
"Oh yeah? Well if it's just you and me then, what do you think of Izumi?" Kisame asked pointedly.
He was met with silence, Itachi giving Kisame a sharp glare.
"What's wrong, Uchiha? If she can't hear, I don't see what the problem is. What's your honest opinion of her? Come on, we've talked about this before," he pushed.
"I suppose there is a very small chance you could be right, however unlikely it is," Itachi admitted, justifying his non-answer.
Kisame gave Itachi a knowing little smile. "Mhmmm. Well I, for one, think she's fucking rad. Probably the funniest, most thoughtful little twerp I've ever met and not killed, and she's just too fucking cute sometimes, you know? A bit of a dope, but I think it adds to the charm." He continued to rub her ankle, looking particularly endearing for the giant blue brute that he was.
When Itachi said nothing, Kisame kept on him. "See how easy that was? Now you go."
Itachi sighed. "You said everything I was going to."
"Oh really? You were going to call her a thoughtful little twerp?"
"Mm. Yes. I was."
"That's oddly specific of you, and not really in line with your usual vocabulary," Kisame remarked thoughtfully.
"Yes, so you can understand my speechlessness now, it's a great coincidence indeed," Itachi said, patience rapidly diminishing. He sat in the chair beside the bed.
"And you were going to say she was too fucking cute?" Kisame pressed.
"I… well," he started, mildly flustered, "yes… I suppose so," Itachi resigned himself to admit. It was the easiest course of action.
"Interesting." Kisame mused. "This coincidence just keeps getting bigger, huh?"
"Yes, it reminds me of your mouth, Kisame," Itachi said dismissively, taking Izumi's tiny hand into his. He briefly traced the lines of her palm before clasping it entirely within both of his.
Kisame's face split with a chuckling grin. "Man, you are something else. More fucking layers than the world's largest onion, you know that? Always coming in here just sitting there, holding her hand and shit, but you wont even say a fucking nice word to her."
Kisame could and would be very irritating about this sort of thing. He was constantly pressing Itachi to go see Izumi, but Itachi rarely agreed.
She was just difficult to stomach like that. He didn't know how Hidan was always doing it, staring at her fragile body that looked like it'd been torn from another plane, a hellish one.
There was also always the temptation to blink her into his tsukuyomi, but it had been made clear that was off limits. If her body wasn't strong enough to wake up, it should not be subjected to such a thing.
Itachi had no qualms with this, he agreed entirely, but it still didn't dissolve his intense desire to talk to her.
It was hard to get a moment alone with Izumi, much to Itachi's dismay and yet another reason he avoided it altogether. On the few occasions he was able to slip in to see her without anyone around, he found it impossible to resist just touching her.
Just holding her hand and feeling her warmth was plenty. He'd swipe the hair from her face and press his fingers into her forehead in some silent plea for her to come back.
He'd never dare to do that in front of anyone else, Kisame being an exception.
"Wasn't there something you wanted to do in here?" Itachi asked, redirecting the conversation.
"Oh yeah! Izumi, you're gonna love it. The old bastard made your room so fucking boring, but I got all that stuff from Jomae, gonna make it cute as hell, girl."
He shuffled and milled about the room, laying out a rug and hanging string lights all about. He'd chatter for Izumi's sake as he went along, Itachi only commenting shortly from time to time, usually to correct some detail in a story Kisame greatly exaggerated in order to look cooler.
"Oh, Itachi, before I forget," Kisame said. "I'm hanging up all these pictures but you should hold onto this one. Kakuzu found it in her belt."
Itachi took it into one of his hands, staring at it intensely. He hadn't seen this photo before. After a moment of silence, he breathed out something quiet and aching and melancholy. His other hand squeezed around Izumi's.
"It was in her belt?" Itachi asked, not as though he didn't hear Kisame originally. He just didn't know what else to say, or maybe he needed to hear it again for some reason.
He continued staring at it. It was of Izumi and him, Itachi giving her a very secretive, doting look from behind when he thought no one was watching. He inwardly admonished himself for being so careless to allow for such a slip-up.
"Yeah, must have been a reason she wanted to keep it separate. Can't imagine why, not like you're looking at her all longingly and shit in it," Kisame teased.
Itachi made a noise in the back of his throat, still squeezing her hand.
It genuinely surprised Kisame when Itachi said anything more, albeit in a low, quiet voice. "This day seems so distant now… remember how she looked?"
Especially something sentimental like that.
Kisame got quiet too as he continued stabbing pictures against the corkboard with little kunai-shaped thumb tacks, taking a moment to really look at some of them. "Yeah… before she became a real mess, you mean?... not that I'd forget that either."
"Mm… I mean when she walked out from behind the screen."
"Yeah. Shut us right the fuck up, that's for sure," Kisame laughed. "That girl never had any clue how she looked, man. Not a single one. Like I said, a dope."
"She really didn't," Itachi agreed absently, thumbing at the photo before putting it away in his pocket.
"That was a lot of talk, Uchiha. Not worried she can hear, anymore?" Kisame teased.
Itachi made a muddled noise like he'd forgotten about the self-imposed rule before regaining his composure. "I… everyone thought she looked nice. It's not just me. That's nothing unusual."
"Just nice?"
"Quite nice," Itachi begrudgingly amended.
"Geez, man, if I were your woman I'd feel like a sack of potatoes too with compliments like that."
"Well, you're not, thank you for the mental image though. And she's not either… though it makes for a nicer visual I suppose..." he said, muttering the last part to himself.
"Well thank God you're not, considering the way you've managed to destroy her already shitty self-esteem. You know she's not gonna be happy when she comes to and sees herself."
Itachi furrowed his brow thinking about this. He hadn't really considered how she might react to her new scars. He never stopped thinking she was the most charming creature alive so it hadn't occurred to him she'd be affected at all.
"You think she'll be upset by them?" he asked, slowly tracing the deep, pink line down her cheek.
Kisame scoffed. "Of course, she's the most needlessly self-conscious little twit there is."
"You're probably right… guess I'll have to leave that to Hidan," Itachi said, barely able to get the words out. He'd never seen them together in any official capacity, but the way Hidan had been with her throughout the ordeal left little doubt in his mind it was only a matter of time.
"Hm, that might be alright," Kisame speculated, "knew the guy had silver hair but damn, who knew he had a silver tongue?"
Itachi contemptuously agreed with a small noise. He secretly couldn't stand when Kisame would compliment Hidan in any capacity. It was probably just because he was right though. The man had a charm, as much as he hated to admit it. He seemed to know all the right things to say to her. Itachi never did, he just knew how to dig himself a hole.
"I'm all done," Kisame announced, stuffing some garbage in a bag as he approached Izumi once more. "What do you think, eh?" he gestured to the room.
Itachi scanned it briefly.
A very plush, oversized rug now covered most of the floor, books were overflowing and chaotically arranged on the bookshelf. The stuffed animals won at Jomae all colluded in the corner armchair and the corkboard was alight with a soft pink glow from the cherry blossom string lights weaving around it. Illuminated were all the silly pictures taken from that day, as well as a caricature drawing of Sasori and Deidara, all pinned to the board with miniature kunai and shuriken.
"Good," Itachi said.
"...Good?" Kisame repeated, scoffing with disgust. "Just good?"
Itachi realized he'd offended him and on a very interesting level. He tried to fix it.
"And… it's um… it is cute, I think," Itachi added with a questioning tone, hoping he got the answer right.
"You're damn right it's fucking cute!" Kisame said, grinning and very pleased with this acknowledgement. Sometimes Kisame could be so simple.
"She'll like it," Itachi said quietly, brushing some of Izumi's hair behind her ear.
"Yeah… hopefully." Kisame said, also taking to staring down at the young woman laying still in the bed. "You want more time with her?" he asked his partner.
Itachi shook his head. "This has been enough."
"Yeah… she's kind of hard to look at sometimes, huh?" Kisame said, somewhat surprising Itachi.
Kisame was always the one cracking jokes and acting so nonchalant about the whole thing, but maybe some of it was just a mask. Maybe Itachi wasn't the only one that wore one. He recalled Kisame's utterly destroyed expression the day she died and that alone reminded him how seriously he took it.
"Yes," Itachi agreed, standing up and gently tapping his fingers into the center of her forehead.
"Alright Izumi, we're heading out. We've got a mission. You'll behave while we're gone, right? No giving Kakuzu a hard time, okay?" Kisame said, looking down with a powerless tilt of his head.
Kisame looked at Itachi who was silent and looking to leave. "Come on, man. You should say something."
Itachi glared at Kisame but eventually gave in with a sigh. "Izumi… I don't really have the right to ask anything of you but... please be awake by the time we get back. Just… please."
"See? That was good, man. And did it kill you?" Kisame encouraged with a pat on his shoulder as the two departed.
"Nearly…" Itachi mumbled back, earning a raucous laughter and jarring slap on the back from Kisame.
A/N: Honestly... I could have gone the route where Izumi just wakes up and wonders how much time has passed, and I'm sure some of you are perhaps wishing I had lol, but I did a lot of research on coma patients and I thought it was fascinating that this actually happens; the weird dream state and things your brain does to try to make sense of what it's hearing around you in reality.
I wanted to show not only what Izumi had to go through, all of her confusion and frustration, but also what some of the guys were having to grapple with as well.
I've also been informed the chapters are getting a bit long :3 sorry guys! Really not trying to torture y'all with a slog! I will reel it in.
Until next time :3 thanks y'all
