I smiled and looked from Deidara to Hidan. "Can you leave me in here for a little?" I asked.
Hidan looked around with an impatient roll of his eyes. "Leave you where? Dude doesn't have any fucking seating."
"Hey. It's a damn 'bed room' and I have a bed in this room. It's not a fucking 'chair room', dude," Deidara retorted to Hidan who made a stupid face back at him.
"Oh, that's okay…" I said. "Um, Dei, do you mind if I… would it be weird to be on your bed... with you?" I asked, nice and awkward.
Ah, some things never change.
"I just… I can't really stand for long," I explained meekly.
"Oh come the fuck on," Hidan muttered, though I heard him crytal clear.
Deidara smirked at Hidan's reaction. "I could probably deal with that, yeah," he said.
"Please, Hidan?" I asked, sniffling. Hidan looked pissed that he couldn't quite bring himself to deny me any request.
"Fine," he spat, shoving Deidara over roughly and setting me on the bed next to him.
Hidan angrily stuffed a couple pillows in between us before leaning down, tucking a finger under my chin to give me a kiss. While it wasn't particularly domineering, there was no question that him kissing me two feet from Deidara's face was a territorial thing.
He pulled away. "But I better not be setting myself up to get cucked," he followed up. I didn't even know what that meant but I assured him he was not.
"I'll be back to get you, sweetheart. Deidara here is too weak right now to carry you anywhere." Hidan made sure to point that out.
Deidara scowled and managed to raise his arm enough to flip him off. Hidan looked overly pleased, clearly enjoying the power dynamic. That seemed to satisfy him enough. He left, shutting the door behind him.
Hm. Shockingly more helpful than expected.
I rolled onto my side to face Deidara and he lolled his head to look over at me.
"So you're alive, huh?" he asked, smiling.
I laughed with a shrug. "Yeah, I guess so."
"So… you and Hidan, huh?" he followed up with a raised brow.
I flushed. "Yeah… I-I guess so."
Apparently I'd lost my vocabulary in a coma.
He sighed. "Can't say I didn't see that coming…" he said, disappointed, but also matter-of-factly.
"You seem less surprised than me."
"Well that's because you're as thick as a brick."
I feigned a disapproving look which drew a small smile out of him.
I wasn't this close to him very often and I found myself being pulled into those cerulean irises of his. It was also rare that he didn't wear his scope and this was one of those times that I got to admire his entire set of eyes.
Yes, all two of them.
Whatever. They were both very nice.
I imagined him having additional eyes in the same way he had extra mouths. Then I wondered where those eyes could be since they clearly weren't visible. I promptly stopped thinking about it after a few disturbing mental images.
Mm, probably got that brown eye.
Stop.
I had to reel my mind in to remind myself why I had wanted to see him in the first place.
My face soured before I could even say anything as Sasori came to the forefront of my stupid walnut brain.
"Whoa, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just joking around, Iz," Deidara started pouring out an apology for calling me 'thick', as if I hadn't been told that a thousand times already.
I started shaking my head and he shut up. "You freaking… goose. It's Sasori," I said, choking a bit on his name.
"Oh… yeah… that." Deidara went kind of blank at the mention.
"I'm.. I'm so sorry, Dei," I said, my face immediately wet. I still couldn't get over it myself.
"Yeah, it's… it's okay. It's whatever," he said, maintaining an unusually cold demeanor for him. He was staring at the ceiling.
"Dei…" I said, not even able to resist pulling his face to look at me. It didn't take much, it was a gentle pull.
His clenched jaw told me he was mad but his eyes belied it. It broke my heart to see them so pained with no outlet for release. How long had he been holding onto this?
I needed to make sure he knew it was okay to be upset.
"Dei," I said again, "he was your partner… and your friend. And for a long time, too. You guys did everything together... it's alright to mourn him. You know that, right?"
"He was an idiot," Deidara said coldly. "Letting himself get killed by some kid and an old fucking hag."
His voice was harsh, almost shaking, mouth set in a hard line. His fists clenching and unclenching didn't slip by me. Maybe with all this he wanted to exude anger, but when I looked at him, it was just sadness and pain.
It was just heartbreak. Mine did too.
I nodded, letting him vent. "Maybe… maybe he was an idiot… but it's okay to be sad for an idiot. I'm an idiot, Dei. Would you have been sad if I died?"
He made a face at me. "Of course," he said, his voice breaking a bit. "Of course I would have… I fucking was. We were all worried fucking sick, Iz."
"Wait… what?" I asked, cocking my head.
He suddenly looked guilty, like he said something he shouldn't have. "Erhm, did no one tell you… that you died? I mean, you were gone for a few minutes, yeah? It was fucking rough. Everyone really freaked out. You should have heard Hidan."
I just, kind of, stared at him. It's a strange thing, to be told that you died, but I suppose I wasn't all that surprised. In fact, it actually made sense. Imagining Hidan looking on as it happened was horrible even in my head. He was such an emotional creature, whether or not he'd admit it.
"Hidan? Was that who made the hole in my wall?" I asked.
Deidara shook his head, "Nah, that was Kakuzu. He was pretty upset too. Everyone was. No one knew what the fuck they were doing. It was Kakuzu, Kisame and Sasori that brought you back."
It was all very shocking to me, to hear about it. I tried imagining the scene in my head and it was just too painful with how Deidara was describing it. Kakuzu was right, I really had been a pain...
"All three of them…?" I said, chewing my lip and thinking about the terrible ordeal I'd put them all through.
Deidara laughed a little, "yeah, can you imagine? It was pretty wild, looking back on it. None of them knew shit about medical ninjutsu a couple months ago, now Kakuzu and Kisame can't stop studying it together. Sasori might have too if he didn't… well, you know." He trailed off.
I felt such a gush of emotion for the dusty little redhead. He saved my life… saved my life and I'd never even be able to thank him. My eyes began to welt again at the thought.
"Hey, you okay?" Deidara asked with a tilt of his brow.
"Yeah, sorry," I said, shaking my head, "I'm just thinking about Sasori. I know I didn't know him like you did… but I'm so sick to my stomach thinking about how I didn't even say goodbye," I said, gradually breaking down.
"Aw hey, Izumi…" Deidara said quietly, hesitantly reaching over the pillow barrier and pulling me into him very gently. "I don't want to hurt you…" he murmured, clearly in reference to my fragile physical state. I did look rather untouchable with all the scars and bandages.
"You're sweet, I'm fine, Dei… well, I'm not really… but you know what I mean," I said through my tears into the pillow between me and his chest.
He held me there for a moment. "Yeah… I do…"
One moment became a few and what I'd been hoping for actually happened. I could feel him shaking ever so slightly as he held me against him. I tried to shift at one point but he flexed to keep me still.
He didn't want me to see him.
That was fine. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, rubbing his back and combing down his bright blond hair that seemed mercilessly knotted. I would have to fix that later.
"It's okay, Dei…," I reassured, wishing I could do something more to help. But that seemed to be the limit of my capability.
All I could offer was permission to mourn and a shoulder to cry on.
It was more than he had before, anyway. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I didn't dare move before him. It felt like an eternity.
He eventually pulled back, sniffing and wiping at his eyes quickly, as if it weren't obvious what he'd just been doing. It hit me really hard that he was the same as me at that moment. Just a teenager dealing with death.
I let him have that and pretended not to notice.
"I'll miss him too, Dei," I said eventually to break the silence.
"He was such a little shit head," Deidara said, scoffing.
I laughed. "Yeah, did he tell you that he was the one controlling me onto Kakuzu's lap back in Jomae?"
He snorted a laugh himself. "Damn, that feels like forever ago now… I might have been in on it," he said with a little knowing smile and a rub of my shoulder.
"Nehh…?" that child-like voice came from the door which I now noticed was cracked open, an orange mask peeking through. "Even senpai is being nice to Izumi-chan… hmmm… hey, Deidara-san," he whispered harshly to the point where he could have just spoken regularly. "Deidara-san, does this mean Izumi-chan is your… hehehehe… your girlfriend?"
Deidara deadpanned as he looked past me at the figure in the doorway, muttering profanities under his breath before a quick apology to me.
"Tobi! Get the fuck out!" Deidara bellowed, throwing the clock from his nightstand at the door with a wince. He probably shouldn't have been using his arm for such a thing but he apparently deemed it a necessity.
Tobi made a frightened squeak, slamming the door shut. The poor, innocent clock was the only casualty.
Deidara sighed heavier than I thought possible.
"That… is my new partner. Fuck my life, right?"
I could only imagine his frustration. That man seemed the exact opposite of Sasori, whom Deidara had been partnered with and adjusted to for years.
Sasori, while a little snarky sometimes, was relatively no nonsense. It seemed like this new partner was all of the nonsense. I sympathized with Deidara having to not only grieve the loss of Sasori, but also adjust to this very different and new type of partner at the same time.
I said, "Yeah… we met...kind of. I accidentally clotheslined him with a stone pillar, anyway."
Deidara sputtered before abruptly losing his beans.
"You did what now?!"
I giggled my way through the story, placing a heavy importance on just how dazed I was since I had quite literally just woken up. This innocent little tale seemed to put Deidara in a much better mood.
He cocked his head, looking at me like I was unbelievable. "God, Iz. When shit doesn't work out with you and the big moron, you know where to find me, alright?"
He was coming onto me. That much I knew. He was coming onto me as I laid next to him in his bed, with him looking at me like that. How the heck was I supposed to respond to that?
Luckily I didn't need to.
The door opened. Hidan's ears must have been ringing.
"So, you have enough time to tell her about how you managed to lose both your fucking arms?" Hidan asked casually as he strolled in.
Hah. Actually, no.
"Pft, at least I didn't lose my fucking head," Deidara snapped back with a smirk.
"Maybe next time, if we're lucky." Hidan grinned, shrugging.
They both seemed to be amused with each other and their flippant remarks about death. I didn't like the joke, it was too soon, and Sasori was too much in the forefront of my mind.
Hidan was scooping me up, leaving Deidara to readjust kind of pathetically on the bed if I was being honest. He couldn't put much weight on his arms, so to arrange the pillows beneath him… well, it was a struggle to even watch.
I felt bad, he didn't have a team of people inexplicably determined to care for him like I did. Sasori definitely would have, had he been here, but now he didn't even have that.
"Hidan…" I murmured, trying to discreetly eye Deidara, hinting that Hidan should help.
"What?" he asked, markedly confused. "You got something in your eye?"
"No." I deadpanned, cocking my head more vigorously in Deidara's direction.
"What's wrong with your fucking neck?" He asked, scrutinizing it for a defect.
God. How could this man be so unbelievably astute and in tune with my needs but never anyone else's? And people called me thick...
I would be forced to use my words.
"Hidan… would you please assist Deidara?" I asked pointedly, quietly. I didn't want to wound Deidara's ego by bringing too much attention to his pillow plight.
Hidan looked adorably and genuinely puzzled as he glanced from me to Deidara who was in the midst of his feathery battle, punching down one of the lumpier pillows with a wince.
"The fuck am I supposed to 'assist' him with? I'm not jerking the dude off if that's what you're asking."
Yes, Hidan. That's what I was asking.
"Oh my God… Hidan. Look at him," I urged, feeling like this was becoming more difficult than it should have been.
"Yeah, I know. His arms are fucked. Dude is probably pent up as hell but what the fuck am I supposed to do about it? Why the fuck do you think I put a pillow barrier between you guys?"
"You're.. You're…"
An unintelligible word that sounded vaguely like 'mmmhynnng" leaked out of me. I couldn't even think of a word that suited what he was.
"Would you just help him adjust his pillows, please? It's your fault they're all messed up anyway," I whispered harshly, completely exasperated.
"You fucking with me right now?" Hidan asked with a stony expression.
I didn't have to say anything, he could tell from my own expression, disapproving but also puppy dog-esque that this was, indeed, an actual request.
"For the fucking love of Jashin…" he muttered, shaking his head and plopping me to sit on the end of the bed.
"I thought you were leaving?" Deidara paused to ask, now also joining in on the puzzlement party.
"Yeah, me fucking too," Hidan grumbled, stomping around to the other side of the bed where Deidara was.
"Sit up. Lean forward," Hidan ordered bluntly, waiting there with his arms crossed.
"What the hell? You looking to stick your fingers up my ass or something?" Deidara balked, not able to fathom why Hidan would be telling him to do such a thing. God, these guys were always so crass with each other.
Hidan shot a quick glare in my direction and I bit back my amusement. This was turning out way better than I'd anticipated.
Hidan clicked his tongue. "Hm, wasn't on my mind, Dei. Sure as hell seems to be on yours though. You want one or two? I'm not thinking you could handle much more."
It did not slip past me that apparently Hidan had fallen into using 'Dei' as well. It wasn't really said sarcastically, despite his crude joke. Deidara didn't seem put off, probably accustomed to it. I wondered when that started happening.
Deidara started to argue back, always needing to prove himself capable, "I could handle plenty-!" before catching himself and realizing maybe it wasn't a battle he cared to win. He took to glaring at Hidan instead, stubborn and unmoving.
Hidan cracked a smile at his unwitting reaction, mentally checking off Deidara's goat as 'got'.
After a few moments of an apparent staring contest, Hidan caved and explained himself angrily. "I'm fucking… fixing your fucking pillows, you fuck. Now scooch your ass up."
Deidara was taken aback, glancing over at me to make sure he heard that correctly. I had an innocent little smile on, but I was apparently looking overly pleased because Deidara seemed to catch on quickly that this was per my request.
He was also smiling now, probably trying to figure out how he could milk this.
"Aw, that's so unusually nice of you, buddy," Deidara said, thick with enjoyment.
"Yeah, well. You know me," Hidan spat, grabbing at the pillows and fluffing them so aggressively that little feathers came bursting out in little puffs. "I'm a nice fucking guy."
Deidara had such a shit-eating grin on as he watched Hidan slamming the pillows into place.
"Oh, that one is my favorite, can you make sure it stays on top?" Deidara directed innocently.
Hidan breathed in deeply through his nose and I could see the vein that ran down his forehead was swelling.
"Sure. It'll stay on top. Buddy." He exuded this sort of forced calm. Kinda scary.
In an instant, Hidan shoved Deidara back by the shoulder and crushed the pillow into his face, holding it there to smother him forcefully.
"It's on top, just like you fucking asked. I hope it's as good for you as it is for me, buddy!" Hidan shouted, continuing to hold the pillow down. Deidara's body was either writhing in protest or shaking with laughter beneath, and I honestly couldn't tell which.
I supposed I shouldn't chance it.
"Hidan! Enough! Not everyone is immortal, you know!" I scolded. He glanced at me with a flash of amusement.
The look on his face reminded me of a dog that had gotten into something it shouldn't have. Excited, loving the thrill of knowing it was wrong but wanting to do it anyway. He was the kind of dog that was going to run off with it and make me chase him down and pry it out of his stupid, slobbery jaws.
I decided to head him off.
"Fine, I'm going back to my room, then," I said, pushing off the bed, my knees immediately folding beneath me.
I didn't hit the floor though, Hidan was suddenly before me looking stern, down on one knee, his arms out and locked in place against my shoulders to keep me up. I winced at the pressure he put over one of my wounds.
Deidara was vaguely laughing in the background, pulling the pillow off his face.
"That was fucking dirty," Hidan reprimanded.
"So are you," I said.
I really didn't mean it in a sexual way, but I could tell from the strangely prideful, yet devilish look that came over him... that's definitely how he took it.
I meant it more in the 'you just tried to smother someone who can't use their arms' kind of way. But he seemed happy about my intended insult so I let him have that.
Thunk.
A pillow hit the side of Hidan's head and plopped to the floor. Deidara was smiling like an idiot on the bed, pleased as punch with himself.
Hidan's neck slowly, mechanically shifted to look at him with an 'oh no you didn't' expression hardening his features.
Even I had to laugh. I knew I should have probably put the kibosh on it though, before Hidan got all worked up again. I took his face in my hands and planted a half-giggling kiss against his sternly taut lips and he immediately softened beneath it. He'd forgotten pillows even existed.
"That's enough, don't you think?" I suggested sweetly, ready to go back to my room before I got Hidan in trouble with Kakuzu.
"Mm, fine," Hidan agreed, stealing one more kiss before standing up and gathering me into his arms.
Deidara snorted at Hidan's sudden compliance. "Hey thanks, Izumi, you think he'll become this agreeable if I do that?" Deidara mused from the bed, now short one pillow.
"Hm, I think there's only one way to find out," I said curiously.
Hidan grinned, "Oh, please fucking try it. I cannot fucking wait for you to find out."
"You can't wait for me to kiss you? Damn dude, you probably shouldn't say shit like that right in front of Izumi, I have a feeling she's like... a lowkey jealous rager. Besides, you're really not my type," he said, mockingly apologetic.
"You're the one that wanted my fingers in your asshole. The ass wants what the ass wants, Dei," Hidan said, shrugging.
"That's not the saying!" I chimed in to scold Hidan's defilement of yet another common idiom. "It's the heart, not the ass."
"Well I can't fuck a heart, Izumi. That's disgusting…" he seemed to think about this for a moment. "Well…?" he said, like maybe it wasn't disgusting after all.
Now he was seriously considering the logistics of this and I was seriously reconsidering my taste in men. Both Hidan and Deidara got a kick out of whatever disgruntled face I was making.
"Alright, alright, your beans are probably fucking cold by now," Hidan said, turning to leave.
"Beans?"
"Yes, I prepared a very elaborate dinner of steamed fucking beans for you, now let's go. Oh, and one more thing…"
Hidan kicked the pillow that was on the ground up into the air and caught it so it landed on my stomach as I draped between his arms.
It was the famed 'Dei's favorite' pillow.
"This is fucking mine now," Hidan said pointedly, glaring at Deidara with an evil little smile.
I did enjoy that Hidan's definition of evil had softened to stealing someone's pillow though. I would allow it. It was better than smothering Dei to death.
"Hey! That's the best one though, yeah?!" Deidara shouted after us, suddenly regretting his decisions.
"You'll get it back when I'm done with it," Hidan called over his shoulder.
"Done with it?! Ew, what the fuck does that even mean, dude?!"
Hidan just laughed maniacally and shut the door with his foot behind us.
When we got back to the room, Kakuzu was there. There and not happy.
He was furious with Hidan for taking me out of my room to see Deidara and forbid him from seeing me alone since he apparently couldn't be trusted. He'd created a very stringent recovery plan for me and Hidan pulling me out whenever I asked was apparently not part of it.
And I oop.
Kakuzu did allow Hidan to help me with dinner however, though I'm sure that had a lot more to do with him not wanting to do it himself. Especially considering how Hidan went about it. I was thankful Kakuzu left us alone because it was really quite embarrassing.
"Hidan, really, I can feed myself," I insisted. Hidan settled himself on the edge of the bed and was now sitting there with a single green bean held in his fingers, impatiently waiting for me to open my mouth.
"Just let me fucking do this, please? Knowing you, you'll eat too much at once and fucking choke to death or some shit," Hidan complained in a sort of cute, pleading way… if you ignored his jab at my general incompetency anyway.
I had never felt like more of an infant as he fed me by hand, piece by piece, bean by bean, but in spite of it being some serious next-level nanny stuff, Hidan didn't seem to think of it that way. I got the sense it was something that brought him some semblance of peace, control maybe? Not really in a bad way.
I imagined he felt very out of control while I was 'sleeping'. In fact, I know he did. I remembered snippets of things he'd said to me. It was like looking through a veil of fog to recall the details, but I would never forget the unhinged fervor, even desperation at times.
If eating beans like a freaking baby was going to somehow instill a sense of peace into this man, well gosh darn it, I would do it.
It was such an odd scene though, this absurdly muscled, over-the-top arrogant, shirtless man patiently pinching cut up vegetables as he waited for me to chew. He was so endearing in the strangest of ways.
In all honesty, I didn't mind the way his fingers felt against me as he pushed each piece into my mouth. My lips would come together to chew and it seemed like he purposely let his fingers linger there just to feel the pseudo kiss against them.
It felt like a weird little ritual. Neither of us said much, which was rare for both parties, but my voice was tired and becoming a bit froggish from overuse. Knowing Hidan, he probably noticed this and was just giving me a break.
That was fine though, I didn't mind just looking at him for a while. He was a little thinner, and a little more gaunt than before, but I would make sure to fix that soon.
One by one, the beans were eaten and the bowl emptied. He let out a contented sigh, looking down into the vacant bowl.
"That's my girl…" he murmured against my forehead before giving it a kiss. He really shouldn't have acted like eating a bowl of beans was such a milestone, but I melted at his words regardless.
He was stalling. He knew he was supposed to leave after.
I asked him not to go, only once though after I saw how difficult it was for him to deny me. I didn't want to make anything harder on him. Ordinarily he would not listen to Kakuzu's orders, but this had to do with my recovery, so it seemed like he was making an exception to his usual delinquent behaviours.
After a kiss or two hundred, he was able to bring himself to go so I could get some 'rest'. I didn't want to rest though. I'd been resting for 63 days. I was exhausted, don't get me wrong, but I still didn't want rest. Nor did I want to be alone.
There were too many things to think about when left to my own devices.
Hey, we haven't gotten the chance to mull over that fire and brimstone type nightmare. Who do you think that guy was?
Ugh. Not now.
I tried to distract myself with some light reading for a while… it worked well enough, for a bit anyway. But I got ancier as time went on.
I wanted someone to visit me. Anyone. Just to not be by myself.
I brushed my teeth and filled a glass of water, setting it on the nightstand beside me, next to the marionette. I paused, staring down at it for a while, my increasingly dour mood rolling off me like storm clouds gathering.
I found myself grabbing a picture from the corkboard.
Someone had scrawled "Izumi and crew" across the bottom, along with a date. It looked like Kisame's horrendous script.
I dragged my finger over Sasori, like petting him in a photo might bring me some nearness or closure. He wore the slightest little smile, even with Deidara hanging on him, his arm thrown around the petite red-head causing him to lean under his weight.
Crawling onto the bed, I situated myself under the blankets and became lost in staring at the little lion puppet with a frown, the picture still gripped between my fingers.
I stayed like that for a long time. I was supposed to be turning the lights out, but I couldn't seem to find it in me to move. I was too busy digesting the worst news I'd ever received, glancing between the photo and puppet.
With some effort, I was able to recall Sasori's last words to me the last time I was awake. I couldn't stop turning them over in my head.
"I will make it up to you, Izumi. I'll find you something to remember me by as well. Something nice."
It felt like his words were eating a hole straight through me. They were just too true. They were practically a freaking premonition and it went right over my head at the time. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, letting the moisture leak from the corner of my eyes. He really did get me something nice.
I really did love it.
The door clicked open and Kakuzu came in with a hot cup of something.
I vaguely glanced at him before returning my gaze to the ceiling. I was somewhat frustrated with him for taking Hidan away from me, but mostly I was just in a strange, moody state.
"It's broth," he said, setting it next to the lion, who I'd decided to name "Red" like his mane… and like Sasori. Obviously.
"Thanks, Kakuzu…" I said quietly, staring blankly ahead.
He grunted in acknowledgement before pausing and looking down at me. He sighed deeply with familiar notes of annoyance.
"Do you need more pain meds? Are you hurt?" he asked like I forced his hand to ask me this somehow.
Well that's an understatement.
"...No. Not really," I said, soberly melancholic. I wasn't hurt in the way he meant it. I had some pretty bad body aches to be honest, but somehow they felt distracting from the real pain going on behind the curtain.
"Okay… then... why are you doing that?" he asked impatiently, shifting awkwardly.
"Doing what?"
"This," he said, poking the corner of my eye and swiping the wetness from my cheek assertively. "It's annoying."
"It's annoying? But I'm doing it so quietly. Also... what the heck, this coming from the guy that just poked me in the eye? We can talk about annoying," I said, wincing a bit.
"You shouldn't be doing it at all. You're alive. Isn't that what you wanted? I didn't make a mistake, did I?"
I finally looked over at the cranky old shinobi and gave him a half-hearted smile, still rubbing my eye. "No… no mistake."
"Then what the hell is this all about then?" he wiped the other side just as aggressively, growing increasingly frustrated. He managed not to poke that one at least.
"Kakuzu…" I said quietly.
"What?" he demanded.
"Sasori is dead…" I closed my eyes, my voice breaking and mouth turning sour at the vocal admission. I gripped the photo tighter, glancing down at it once more.
Kakuzu looked at me for a moment, eyes flickering to the picture in my hands and piecing everything together. "Yes. People do that sometimes," was all he had to say on the subject.
Such an ass.
I nodded, biting my lip. "I...I know…"
"Well if you know, then why are you so surprised?"
"I'm not surprised… I'm just… just sad, I think," I said curling onto my side and reaching out for Kakuzu's hand. I only managed to grab a couple of his fingers as he saw what I was doing and started to pull away at the last second.
That was fine, I couldn't effectively grip many more than that anyway, given the size discrepancy.
"Kakuzu?" I looked up at him tiredly, holding desperately to his two captured fingers which he graciously allowed to remain tightly locked in my grip.
"Hm?"
"Will you promise me something?"
"No."
"Don't you die on me, okay? Not you too," I said, ignoring his fervid decline, squeezing his fingers and a few more tears out of me.
He stared down, the irritated look replaced by something more confusing to place.
"I'm immortal," he said, waving away my concern.
"Sasori thought he was, too," I pointed out.
Kakuzu grimaced. Apparently he didn't like this.
Maybe he hadn't given it much thought... or maybe he had given it way too much. Perhaps it was too close to home. Sasori was smart, and, for all intents and purposes, immortal. Safe from natural death anyway. For a man of his intelligence and skill to be defeated, it may have spiked some anxiety in Kakuzu who was rather similar.
He huffed with frustration as he continued peering down at me. "Would it make you do this annoying shit?... If I did?" he gestured to the droplets from my face with his free hand.
I nodded. "Yeah…" I laughed weakly, "like, a lot."
He breathed in deeply. "What a waste. That's stupid."
"I'm stupid." I agreed with a shrug.
"Fine."
"Fine, like you promise?" I asked.
"Yes."
I smiled up at him weakly. "Okay… thank you, Kakuzu."
"Don't thank me and don't look at me like that. That was already my plan," he said dryly. "Now sit up and drink your broth, you idiot. You can die."
He pulled out of my grip and yanked me up from beneath my armpits into a sitting position, pushing the warm mug into my hands. I took it with a wistful smile and sipped.
"Do you need anything before I go?" he asked, shockingly. I decided to press my luck.
"Can I get a goodnight kiss?" I asked, looking up at him with big, sad eyes.
Kakuzu's face twisted at the audacity. "What the fuck, Izumi," he grumbled, stomping towards to door hastily.
Too much.
"Just right here?" I pleaded, calling after him and patting the top of my head, just above my bangs.
Kakuzu shook his head, grumbling something about an idiotic child as he left, slamming the door behind him.
Alone again.
I didn't like it. I used to be alone all the time with ease, but now that I'd spent so much time trapped in my head, it felt unbearable. I shouldn't have scared Kakuzu off like that, I might have been able to squeeze a few more minutes of begrudging company out of him otherwise.
I sighed, sipping down my broth. I should have asked for a book instead of comfort.
After a little while there was a soft rapping at the door. I pulled my head back and squinted at it suspiciously. It was getting kind of late and Kakuzu had told everyone I was off-limits...
"Come in?" I called out.
A shock of silver was the first thing I saw as Hidan peeked in, flashing me the comfort of that lopsided smile of his. I felt like it could cure wounds.
"Hey there sweetheart, heard you could use some shitty company," he said as he sauntered over to me with a somewhat worried look about him.
"Oh, you heard that, did you?" I asked.
"Yeah, I don't know what you did, baby, but I'm glad you did it. Old fucking meiser changed his mind, guess I'm not 'banned' anymore, not that that was honestly going to stop me. He was all fucking bent out of shape, told me to check on you," he said with a shrug before leaning down and planting a soft kiss into my hair. "He also mentioned you needed one of those… anything else I can help with since I'm here, baby girl?"
I smiled, closing my eyes. Kakuzu was getting so sloppy at this whole pretending not to care thing, sending Hidan in to administer damage control like that. He'd be furious to know Hidan gave him away in an instant.
Flipping the blanket back beside me, I patted the bed and gave Hidan a sheepish, expectant look. I did not have it in me to be coy about wanting him to lay next to smile that split across his face brought me back to a simpler time.
Some things never changed.
"You don't have to worry about me," Hidan said with a smirk as he clambered into bed beside me, his warmth wrapping me up almost immediately. "Kakuzu already gave me the talk."
"The talk?" I questioned, rolling into his side and pressing myself flush against him to the point that I was practically on top of him.
Mm. Warm.
"Yeah, I'm supposed to 'behave myself' since you're still recovering or whatever."
"Behave yourself?"
"Goddamn, Izumi, I'm not supposed to fuck you." He laughed, pressing another kiss atop my head. "Still dense as ever, I see."
Still rude as ever, I see.
I produced some sort of flustered scoff at the brazen directive which pulled another smile from Hidan.
"Don't worry, that's the last damn thing on my mind right now. Well… maybe not the last. You know what I fucking mean. I just want to keep you here for a while, okay?" he asked, settling in, his arm falling around my back to hold me against him, his other hand rubbing my arm idly.
Hidan was the same as always, however... there was something about him now that struck me as different. Not vastly, just a little. Softer, like he'd been through something that so traumatic and grinding that it actually sanded down his edges.
I felt, for the first time in months, totally and completely safe. The noise that decompressed out of me was audible and it was not lost on him.
"I got you, baby girl," he said earnestly, as much a comfort to me as it was to him. He linked his huge fingers into mine, kissing my knuckles. "I've been waiting so fucking long to hold you like this…" he murmured, "I'm not hurting you, am I?"
"Not even a little," I whispered, smiling and sinking into yet another kiss on my forehead. I tipped my head back and stretched up to make it my lips. He eagerly allowed this swap, pressing his to mine more sweetly and softly than I'd ever been kissed before.
I didn't even think it was possible coming from him.
It surprised me to find that his breath, like mine, was trembling as he pulled away for the briefest of moments to catch it. It felt disbelieving almost. It was going to take some getting used to for both of us, the fact that I was a real, functioning, cognisant human again.
It was only last night he had no idea when or if I would even wake up, and now only one night later we were in bed kissing the life out of, or maybe into, one another.
It must have been difficult for him to process.
He swallowed before pressing back into me, his fingers tightening and dimpling into my skin just ever so slightly. I could tell he was trying his hardest to be careful with me. Gentle was not his default state, and it seemed to take a considerable amount of effort.
I opened my eyes just for a moment, just to see what he looked like. As he shakily inhaled through his nose, his eyebrows came to knit tightly together. His feathery silver lashes clenched shut as he kissed me with unending affection.
The sight alone sent an aching hum to vibrate through me as I closed my eyes once more. I don't know how long we stayed attached like that. It was a while, that I was sure of. It felt like we were saving each other somehow.
"You should get some sleep, baby…" Hidan eventually whispered when we finally broke, though he punctuated it with a peppering of kisses across my eyelids.
"But that's all I did for so long," I whined.
"So you're not tired?" he asked.
"No I… I am. I just don't want to sleep," I explained.
He quirked his head at me in questioning. "You're gonna have to talk me through that one, sweetheart."
"I don't know, I guess I'm kind of nervous about it… like… what if I don't wake up?" It felt stupid to even say but the fear was burgeoning in my skull like a roiling storm.
"Aw, baby, I'm gonna be right next to you all night," he said, rubbing my back. "I won't let anything fucking happen to you, okay? Let's turn out the lights and give it a shot, alright?" he asked, fingers reaching and resting on the lamp, looking at me for the go ahead.
I nodded, biting my lip with hesitance.
He'd become such a caretaker. It took some adjusting on my part, there was a certain guilt that came with it for me. Even before the sleep, he would talk about how he'd take care of me... but the reality of it tempered him so much more than I could have expected.
He flicked the lights off with a reach of his long arm. It was the first time since I'd woken up that I'd really experienced the dark. I wasn't expecting it to affect me so.
This horrible feeling of impending doom swelled and loomed up over me, like I was surrounded by it on all sides. My breath hitched, short and shallow like it was being sucked right out of my lungs by the flanking gloom.
I buried my face into Hidan's chest and grabbed at him just so I would feel like the darkness couldn't swallow me whole, not while I held onto him so tightly. I felt so pathetic and utterly broken at this new development my brain decided to surprise me with.
Suddenly the lights were back on and I realized Hidan was talking to me after he'd pushed me back and I unclenched my eyes. He was tilting my chin up to look at him and his lips were moving. There was such concern painting his features. As I started to come out of whatever mental cage I'd retreated to, his voice broke through.
"Sweetheart? Baby? Come on, talk to me. Say something. You're shaking like fucking crazy, baby, it's really starting to fucking scare me. Do I get Kakuzu? Are you hurt?"
He was rambling. Rifling off question after question. Smoothing my hair neurotically. Eyes flitting across my face. Brows tightened together.
"The lights," I said quietly, distantly, looking around confused. We were just right there in my room. Not some horrible, lightless hellscape.
"The lights?" he asked. "You want… to keep the lights on, sweetheart?" He was slightly nodding to assure me that would be just fine, his eyes sympathetic and honed on mine.
I struggled to catch my breath. "I-I'm so sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me," I said, shaking my head and swallowing. It seemed like my grasp on reality could come and go as freely as a stray Kakuzu.
Oh, how neat.
He pulled me against him protectively but there was nothing to really protect me from, no assault on me other than my own words.
"There's nothing wrong with you," he said quickly, confidently, repeating it again for effect. "Don't say shit like that. You've just been through a fucking lot, baby. It's okay. So you don't like the dark now? That's fine. Fuck it. Fuck it to hell. Fuck it straight into the abyss and don't even let it come, baby girl."
I smiled against him with a weak laugh. He was such a sicko, even when he was being sweet.
"Here, give me a second…" he said, rolling out of the bed, leaving me cold for a moment.
Hey. I resent that.
I wrapped the blankets around me as I watched him go over to the cork board.
"Alright baby, we got some primo fucking options for you. So as you can see, we've got lamp," he gestured to the nightstand like a gameshow host revealing prizes. "And over here we've got uh… little fucking... flower lights." He clicked them on and they illuminated the photoboard softly.
"Whoa ho ho, who's this fucking guy? Sexy as all hell…" he said, flicking at a picture of himself and eyeing it very closely, going so far as to mimic taking off his non-existent glasses with a long, drawn-out whistle.
I scoffed at him half-heartedly and he shot me a grin, pleased with drawing me further out of my panic.
He took it and ran with it, as Hidan tended to do.
"Fuck, sorry, I don't even know what I was saying before, this man is just very distracting... like holy shit, can you imagine what he must look like in person? What a fucking smokeshow," he gawked, unabashedly tooting his own horn. The further he rattled on, the harder it became to stifle my own amusement.
"You think you're pretty funny, don't you?" I admonished with affection.
He ignored my question, asking one of his own. "You think he has a big dick? He looks like he has a big dick," he asked far too thoughtfully.
"Oh my God, Hidan," I hissed, covering my face. I had no idea why I was the embarrassed one. supposed one of us ought to have some shame, maybe.
"Sooo... that a yes?" he asked, brow raised.
"No!" I shouted into my palms.
"Hm, never pegged you for a liar, Izumi," he said, his playful smirk belying his tutting tone.
"Hidan…" I said, not even sure what to say after that. Sometimes with him, that's all there was to be said.
"Yes, dear?" he asked, feigning genuine intrigue.
"How on earth do you go from lamps to that?" I asked, truly astonished.
"Oh shit, that's what I was talking about! Thanks, sweetheart," he said, somehow looking innocent. It should have been illegal.
"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so we also have a bunch of fucking lamps around the base. Everyone has at least one in their room, then you've got all the living spaces and storage," he rambled on about lighting options and I just watched him, increasingly amazed at his ability to be the most absurd person I'd ever met.
Best of all, he wasn't even done. He started making his way back over to me as he went on.
"I'll fucking bring them all in here. I'll sear your damn eyes out, baby. I'll make you think you were sleeping on the fucking sun. You want more lights, sweetheart? I'll go get every light in this goddamn place and stick them in here, you just say the word." He finally finished, cupping my face in his hands and looking down at me with an expression that led me to believe he really would.
I was tired, but not too tired to giggle at the manic Hidan trying to troubleshoot my messed up little noggin. I couldn't get over the man and his infinite charm. It really wasn't fair.
"How'd you get so good at me?" I asked very genuinely, shaking my head a little in disbelief.
He grinned, apparently glad I thought so. "It's actually kind of embarrassing," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Oh? Do tell." My interest was piqued.
"Alright, so I tried that whole reading thing you like so much. Picked up a book, 'Izumi for Dummies'."
I snorted. "Oh, is that so? I didn't realize they finally published that thing. Well, I have two questions then. How was it and would you mind letting the rest of the guys borrow it?"
He shrugged. "Eh, kinda dry, but... there were a few tidbits I guess. 'No' to the second question, by the way. I don't need any more fucking competition."
"Okay, well, first of all, you're rude as all beans," I scolded with pursed lips. He seemed to get a kick out of that. "Secondly... dry? That can't be right. It doesn't sound all that dry with a subject matter so mysterious and intriguing." I said, flicking the hair off my shoulder with as much pretentiousness as I could muster.
"Well, I can tell you the real thing is far from dry," he said slyly with a bite of his lip. It took me a second to realize the nature of the joke…
I choked on my spit when I got it.
His tongue peeked from between his teeth, plenty pleased with the reaction he managed to wrest from me. "Don't hurt yourself, baby. You're gonna make Kakuzu fucking ban me again."
"You're out of control," I laughed.
"Sweetheart, I haven't had control a single fucking day in my life," he tutted with a cocked eyebrow.
How dare you ever insinuate otherwise.
All I could do was shake my head. He was just too much, and it was definitely too late. I was becoming delirious with the giggles.
"When are you coming back to bed?" I said, calming down and patting the empty spot next to me with a pout.
"When you decide just how bad you want me to destroy your retinas, sweetheart. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being some romantic as fuck mood lighting, 10 being your eyes melting out of your skull… what are you feeling? I'm up for anything, baby."
"Just the flower lights are fine," I answered quickly, just wanting him by my side again.
"Just those little bitches? Nothing else?" he double checked, gesturing to the little illuminated sakura blossoms weaving haphazardly around the corkboard.
I nodded contently, shifting restlessly on the bed that felt far too empty by myself. "Come back to me?" I asked with a sweet little pleading edge, eyes all shiny and round.
With a loll of his head and a tilt of his brows, Hidan slapped his hand over his heart and pretended to stumble backwards, catching himself against the wall, as if my look alone shot straight through him.
"How could I say 'no' to that fucking face?" he complained endearingly, a soft smirk on his lips as righted himself and sauntered over to his side of the bed, sliding back in beside me.
His side, huh? You guys going steady or what?
He reached over me to click off the main lamp again and the room fell into a shadowy, but comfortable dimness, the little flowers blinking at us from the other wall. It was enough to stave away my exciting, new phobia.
"You know, you don't have to try so hard to get me in bed. I'm a simple man, sweetheart. A pair of tits is my only tax," he said matter-of-factly.
I scoffed. So much for the romantic mood.
"Would a kiss not entice you?" I pouted and tucked myself against him tightly, my hand instantly wrapping around his waist and my knee flopping onto his absurdly hard thigh.
"Mm, I'd be willing to find out," he mused in a low voice, bringing his lips to mine.
Once I started, I just couldn't stop kissing him. We couldn't stop kissing each other. I was exhausted and continuing to suffer from body aches but all that seemed to wash away with him. He was exceedingly sweet and mindful with me, his fingers combing through my hair delicately as he pleaded against my lips with his tongue.
I hummed lightly in my throat as he slipped between them and deepened the kiss with an aching, satisfied noise. We got lost in each other like that. Despite us having a long bout of kissing not too long ago, it felt so severely overdue and I could practically feel the relief radiating off Hidan with each twist of our tongues.
He said I'd been through a lot, but the same was true for him too. It became much more obvious during moments like that. He was just dripping with emotion, wrapping me up in it, and so much of it was this sense of respite he seemed to find in feeling me against him. It was palpable.
I wanted to give it to him, every ounce that I had.
I wanted to squeeze him and wring out every anxiety plaguing his mind. I had unknowingly caused him trauma over the last couple months and I'd be damned if I wasn't the one to soothe it.
"Sorry I'm so needy," I said sheepishly, breaking away breathlessly and idly planting a feathery kiss onto his pectoral, upon which I rested my head. My fingers grazed across his belly in a soothing sweep, back and forth.
I couldn't stop touching him, I couldn't hide how pleased I was to have him there next to me. I basked in the closeness of being able to run my hands over him and feel like I was grounded.
"I'll forgive you eventually," he murmured, a sleepy, snarky little smile on his face, eyes closed, fingers absently rubbing my shoulder.
I was still afraid to fall asleep, but he made it better. He seemed to make everything better.
A/N: Hey guys, I know I said I would try to shorten these chapters but fuck me, I guess :3
There are just a lot of conversations and processing that needs to happen as Izumi and the gang adjust to her waking up, and you know, I tend to get carried away with dialogue and mundane scenes, so there you have it lmao
I hope it wasn't toooo much fluff but like... girl fuckin' died... shit puts things into perspective lol
Thank you for reading, as always
