"Wake up, please…wake up…"

It wasn't cold or warm, and when I opened my eyes, all I could see was darkness.

Then, a creaking filled the silence and I knew where I was.

You have been shutting me out of your consciousness, mortal.

I turned my head, but stayed lying down. The hulking giant that was Enma leered down at me, clutching a long pipe that diffused a strange, indescribable scent.

Not many are foolish enough to have the will to defy a god, Enma continued, taking a drag from his pipe. I stared obstinately, and the tension in Enma's brow seemed to increase until he snapped.

I thought I told you that frivolous notions like friendship would bring you nothing but trouble.

"Am I dead?" I finally sighed.

There was a long silence where only the creaking of the wheel could be heard, then Enma shifted, his grip tightening around the pipe in his fingers. You tried to throw away the remaining three years you begged so desperately for. Why did you do this?

I breathed in the strange incense. "If I die, I can go back and fix things," I said. "Right?"

Another silence followed, then, You are not dead.

"Fuck."

Why would you go to such lengths to run away from the truth?

"I'm not running away," I bit out, the statement hitting closer to home than I'd readily admit. "What else am I supposed to do?"

You are and always have been running away.

I sat up, getting to my feet with a seething energy. "What would you know? You don't know shit about me!" My voice was rising, but I couldn't bring myself to calm down in the presence of the god that had landed me in this situation in the first place. "I was supposed to live the life of an ordinary human girl in the real world, but one day, I went and almost died in my sleep, and instead of waking up, I was reborn into a world that I didn't even think existed!"

The smoke wafted up from the end of the pipe steadily as Enma narrowed his eyes at me.

"And—and I just wanted to make the best of things, maybe live out a few childhood fantasies before waking up in my old life—back when I thought it was even possible. Then, just when I think that I might finally be able to do something with my miserable life, I'm hit with the fact that I'm still just as useless as I always have been," I cried. "I'm powerless. And even if I had tried to change things, it wouldn't matter anyway, because who am I to defy fate?" My throat closed up for a moment, but I forced myself to swallow and continue. "Here I am, crying over a bunch of made-up scribbles that never really existed anyway, because it's my fault they died, and I could have avoided all of this if I just gave up at the end of my first life. I should have just given up!"

I breathed in the silence, tears stinging my eyes and nose. Enma remained speechless, and I didn't want to give him time to decide to end my existence entirely, but I supposed this was a long time coming anyway.

I scoffed bitterly. "You're right. I'm running away. I've never been anything more than a kid that never grew up or learned to face her problems. You know what the funniest part of this whole joke is, Enma?" I threw my arms up over my head, forcing myself to laugh. "Maybe that was exactly what started this whole thing. Maybe my soul was running away from the fact that I had a fucking aneurism in my sleep, almost died, and would probably live the rest of my life without ever doing anything worthwhile.

"But even knowing how worthless I was here in the grand scheme of things, there was a kid that looked at me like I was irreplaceable, you know? Even though I shouldn't even exist, a kid like that almost made me think for a minute that I was something. And I…let him die." Tears continued to drip from my face into the infinite darkness below my feet. "But it doesn't matter anymore. No. I-I don't know why I'm…I'm just…" The end of my sentence came out as a strangled garble of noise, which was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back. A sob ripped from me, my knees gave out, and before I knew it, I was blubbering before the Great King of death, Enma.

How could someone like him, with dreams and hopes and so much ahead of him, die when I was still here to live for the sole reason that I feared the alternative? How was someone as selfish as me allowed to live when there was blood on my hands?

Through my tears, I managed to catch a glimpse of Enma as he waved a hand. Then, something golden began to form before me. Little flecks of sparkling golden dust swirled in little gusts, coming together to form indistinct shapes in the ground between Enma and I. Slowly, the dust accumulated and formed an egg, then another, and by the end the dust had formed an entire sparkling nest of golden eggs.

A faint cracking sound resonated in the silence, the first egg that formed beginning to wiggle. Then, all at once, it broke open, and a baby bird with a long, thin neck struggled to free itself from the remains of the shell. Its cries reverberated as it clamoured for food. Soon, the golden dust materialized a large, mature version of the new hatchling, and the adult heron bent over the cheeping baby, nudging it out of what used to be its egg. The remaining eggs eventually hatched, one by one, and the mother heron was quick to feed them all, obliging their hapless cries. The first heron to hatch was the most spirited of the bunch, trying its best to clamber over its siblings and be fed a second time by its mother. I let out a wet chuckle when its antics failed and the bird fell over itself.

Before I realized what I was doing, my hand extended outwards towards the baby herons, passing through uselessly and scattering the bits of golden dust in its path. I choked out another sob. The sensation of familiarity flooded my mind as I looked into the grainy eyes of the spirited hatchling, the same sort of feeling you get when you pick out your best friend in a crowd, reunite with a cousin after years of being apart, or hear the voice of your mother in your dreams. Something just clicked into place.

"Shuu…"

Eventually, the chirping of birds began to fade away before my eyes, the golden flecks of sparkling dust disintegrating into the black void of Enma's lair one by one. The last hatchling standing was the same one, the liveliest, which almost seemed to stare through me as its body fell into pieces. The silence resumed, and the wheel's creaking was all I could hear once more.

The cycle of life can never be halted, Enma's rumbling voice said, his tone oddly subdued. In the eyes of us Gods, each soul has the same inherent value, and each soul is permitted the chance to live. Life never ends, it only begins anew.

And suddenly, I understood. I hiccupped, still staring at the space where the herons had been. I clasped my hands together, pressing them desperately to my chin.

Good luck with your next life, Shuu. Kouko…and thanks for being my friends in this one.

"Send me back," I finally said, voice thick.

Enma hummed, sounding somewhat satisfied.


My eyes flew open before I could gather my bearings, and the only thing I knew was that I needed air, air, air—

I coughed, forcing the blockage out of my windpipe, and subsequently felt water splattering all over my chin and neck. I kept coughing, trying to rid my lungs of the pain that came with each short gasp, then greedily sucked in full breaths of air. Someone—no, more than one person was blocking the light of the setting sun, casting shadows over me.

"F-Futaba-chan!"

Hinata. I looked at her, startling when I noticed the girl's worrisome expression, her white eyes gleaming with unspilled tears. After a moment or two, I let out what I hoped was a casual laugh. "Hi, Hinata."

She suddenly hugged me, knocking me off-balance and sending us both back into the mud. "F-Futaba-chan, w-why would you j-jump from so high if you c-can't swim?" she said, slurred and muffled by speaking into my shoulder. Her stutter was so pronounced it almost sounded painful, making my heart squeeze guiltily. "I-I was so s-s-scared."

Unsure of what to do with my arms, I settled on patting the girl on the back gently, wincing when my seared arms protested. "Sorry for worrying you, I…" I trailed off, my lies all dying on the tip of my tongue. Hinata pulled back just in time to see me sniff pathetically. "I'm so sorry," I eventually settled on, breaking down into tears for the second time today.

Hinata and I cried together like two idiots, the sun eventually meeting the edge of the horizon and darkening the sky as we calmed down only to break down in tears again at the other's expression. Eventually, a third party cleared their throat uncomfortably, and I whipped around to identify the source of the noise, wiping my tears hastily. "Naruto?"

The boy jumped when I called him, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Hinata was quick to explain as she helped me to my feet. "N-Naruto-kun was c-close enough to j-jump in and pull you out of the river."

"Oh." Memories of when I'd last seen him came back to me and I recoiled with shame. I'd taken out my own grief on Naruto and he still jumped into a river to save me regardless. I'd underestimated the size of the heart on the kid. "Thanks…Naruto."

He smiled as brightly as the sun. "You should be more careful around water next time, Futaba-chan. Especially since you're already all hurt and stuff…"

A sudden chill passed through my body as I became aware of the soaked bandages clinging to my skin. "Yeah..."

A moment later, a doubtful shadow crossed his face, and he approached us. "Futaba-chan, I saw what happened earlier with you and that Sasuke jerk," he began more seriously. "And I don't really like him!" His tone suddenly spiked with defiant confidence, startling both Hinata and I. "B-but…he's your friend, isn't he?"

I forced a laugh, scratching the side of my cheek. "Is he?" Couldn't help but think otherwise, especially after what I'd done to him today. Now that the haze had faded, all that was left was more crippling embarrassment for how I'd acted.

"Well, you always invite him to play and stuff, and you're all—anyways! I don't like him!"

"Yes, you did mention that…"

"But! When I met you, Futaba-chan, you didn't give up on your friends, 'ttebayo." He finished resolutely, crossing his arms and nodding to himself, self-satisfied.

He must have been referring to when we first met, when I'd caught Shuu bullying him and laughing about it with his groupies, then proceeded to try and convince him to change his ways. Recalling the memory still felt like walking on glass, but he had a point. There was no reason to give up on anyone at this age. I just had to be a bigger person than I was now. Grow up a little.

I looked down at my hand, flexing my wrapped fingers and watching the grains of sand fall between the bandages. For a minute, I could swear they shone gold.

"I guess you're right, Naruto."

I cracked a smile, a genuine one this time, one that Naruto was quick to return.


Warped by grief and the overwhelming feeling of being alone, the original Sasuke had grown up unable to put any relationships with others before his personal need for vengeance. He would alienate himself from the village, swearing allegiance to no one but himself and his own ambitions.

It wasn't that I couldn't relate to any of that, but I was fortunate to have people that cared enough about me to pull me out of it before it was too late. Sasuke wasn't.

He wasn't reclusive by any means before all of this, but he'd been something of a drifter, generally well-liked by the class (save for a few over- and underachievers that resented his natural talent), really well-liked by a select group of admirers, but nobody's best friend. He was far too focused on his grades and clan training to form significant bonds with any of our classmates, and so, while everyone was busy talking about him and the death of his family, no one I knew was taking the time to actually visit and check up on the kid. Even Sakura and Ino and some of his other fans felt understandably intimidated by the prospect of reaching out to someone who had just lost his entire family.

So the next day, after another day of Hyouroku's strange, almost concerning lack of snide remarks, I made the trip to the hospital where Sasuke was resting. He'd sustained significant mental trauma and was still under careful watch due to his connections to Itachi, and had only come to the academy yesterday to give the faculty an absence notice, since no one else was left to do it for him.

The nurse manning the front desk gave me a once-over, then looked back at her papers. "Sorry, Sasuke-kun isn't allowed visitors right now. His current condition is too fragile."

"But I saw him yesterday…" I trailed off, noting the receptionist's uneasy glance over my over-bandaged arms and face, swollen eyes, and general resemblance to a soggy and injured puppy. I was sure she was running through a list of authorities she could call to get me out of here before I could muck up the shiny floors any more than I already had. "Okay, well…thank you anyways, obaa-san!" The nurse's brow twitched with annoyance as I fled the scene.

I'd just have to find my own way in, I supposed.

I unwrapped the bandages from my hands as I descended down the stairs to the second floor, thinking of which room would be directly under the patient ward Sasuke was being kept in when I passed by an open window in the stairwell that overlooked a playground. A single, solitary child sat on the swingset, catching my attention.

Oh, scrap plan B, then.

I clutched the gift I had prepared in my pocket as I ambled down the stairs and headed out onto the playground. The boy stopped his gentle swinging when he heard my sandals scuff the playground, but didn't lift his gaze from the ground.

Feeling awkwardly self-conscious, I fiddled with the gift in my left hand before speaking. "Hi."

Sasuke finally looked up. He still didn't turn around, but he didn't get up and walk away, either.

When he made no move to acknowledge me, I sighed. I guess I'll carry the heartfelt conversation. "I can't tell you that I know what you're going through right now, but I want you to know that I'm here. As...a friend. And I'm sorry."

He flinched, looking to the side with a stiff jaw.

I grew more uncomfortable the longer I stood there in silence, the admission making my own skin crawl. I craned my neck to look at his face but he remained turned away from me obstinately. "It must be hard to sleep these days, right?"

Still nothing.

I approached him, taking out my gift. "When I can't sleep, I like to play a game of solitaire...it's better than being alone with my thoughts." I held out the box of cards in front of me, then slowly set it down at my feet. He'd find it later whenever he needed it. "Anyways…uh, remember to eat properly." I backed away, having run out of things to say.

I considered saying goodbye before I left but ultimately decided against it, stuffing my hands back into my pockets as I walked away.

Once upon a time, I knew Sasuke as a distant, revenge-obsessed boy robbed of his childhood and ability to empathize. But in my story, he had approached us with poorly-concealed hope that we would include him in our games. He'd gone along with our silly summer wars in the river, even at the expense of getting soaked to the bone in front of his beloved brother. He knew how to fight, laugh, and forgive. That was the Sasuke I had come to know, at least.

So I'd give him time. It was the best thing I could do for him.

I needed some time to myself, too.


thanks for reading!

i don't know if this happened some time in the last year since i stopped posting, but ffnet is like…broken? for me? if i click on pretty much anything besides "manage stories" it leads me to a bad gateway, so i can't really check any of the stats on this story. i hope people are enjoying it though…?

PS: please let me know how you feel about the naruto movies, do you like the movies? would you be interested in seeing futaba in any movie situation, theoretically (if her path were ever to cross with any of the events in the movies)? if i were to publish it, would it be better as assorted omakes posted throughout this fic or as a collection of side stories published in a different fic…?

PPS: i have a twitter and tumblr now, i might maybe post sketches on either of those in the future? :V i'm altssul on both!