He released a breathless "fuck" with a tight close of his eyes, tipping his head back as he processed the most likely outcome of me seeing him like this.

The woman behind Hidan stopped at his sudden vocalization, but mostly because he was standing up now, and she was falling back onto her ass with a startled huff.

She may as well not have existed to him, he seemed so unphased and hyperfocused on me. He was jittery, his expression a strange combination of fear and determination as he stared me down with his hands out in a halting gesture.

"You can't be out like this, not in your condition. Just… please come in and let me fucking explain, baby girl," he said carefully, taking a very slow step towards me.

That woman was still all over him in a way though, taking the form of scarlet stains smeared across his neck in a sloppy pattern. The last time I'd seen so much red on his neck was when he was decapitated.

All things considered, this was a marked improvement from that, but still… I wasn't entirely fond of the visual.

I subconsciously clutched and twisted at the poncho overtop my heart as it felt like a snake was constricting around it. I felt ready to give in to my fight, flight or freeze instinct as it was screaming at me to take off as fast as I could muster on my weak little legs.

Hidan looked even more on edge when he could tell I was about to flee. My face must not have been subtle regarding my intentions, eyes darting madly, searching for an escape route.

He took one last shaky drag, inhaling deeply and tossing the cigarette to the ground, stomping over it as he descended out into the rain with smoke curling from his nostrils, leaving the dryness of the covered steps behind him.

"Izumi? Baby…?" He was moving slowly and carefully, almost crouching, knees bent with each step to make himself less imposing, his hands still out like a hunter approaching a wild creature and trying not to startle it away.

I couldn't seem to answer him. The cacophony within my stupid brain just kept forcing me to stare at his neck, begging me to turn tail and run.

"Don't fucking go, sweetheart... I know how this looks… Please, just… just come here," he urged, nearly luring me in with that earnest, pleading expression softening his features.

The many people gathered on the large, dilapidated porch all took to staring. I imagined some of them knew Hidan to a degree, and this was likely unusual behavior for him.

I stalled, still unable to form words and looking frantic as he got closer, my eyes edging to the side, planning my getaway. I wanted to believe him, to hear him out, but my mind felt so clouded every time I caught a glimpse of the stop signal painted onto his neck.

My feet itched to move, yet I stood there frozen under his gaze.

"Say something, sweetheart," he begged, eyes riddled with increasing concern the longer my silence held.

I felt like a rubberband about to snap and fly off at any given moment, and he seemed to recognize this.

"You shouldn't be out of bed, baby… you're gonna fuck yourself up if you overdo it…" He continued to inch closer until he was almost looming over me, yet still, he seemed to shrink down even more so he didn't.

"Why don't you come in with me, out of this rain? We can talk inside," he coaxed, nodding with wide eyes like he was trying to implant the idea of cooperation into me.

The nearer he drew, the more I could see the lipstick stains. Better yet, I saw some that weren't actually stains at all. They were dark, purplish blooms beneath his skin. My stomach curled in on itself at the sight.

I shook my head in a small motion, shuffling backwards nervously, watching him approach too closely.

He frowned at my slight retreat. "You must be freezing, sweetheart… please just… just let me fucking take care of you…" he petitioned, eyes unblinking as he got even closer.

He finally reached me and the minute his hands touched my shoulders, I shifted from 'freeze' to 'fight', surprising even myself.

We are just cycling through, aren't we?

"Don't touch me!" I found myself crying out without even thinking, slapping him away and reeling back with a stumble, clutching at myself.

To think, Hidan of all people actually looked startled.

His hands jolted back and shot through his hair, messily entwining with it, an almost helpless look in his eyes as he took in my visceral reaction to his touch. He looked like he was coping with having fallen into one of his nightmares.

"Baby, no…" he choked out, swallowing hard as he put his arms out tentatively once more, the same way he would often do to coax me into them, despite me not usually requiring much, if any, coaxing.

The saddest part was that I still wanted to be there. He was trying so hard to get me there without force, lord knows he could have easily just made me do whatever he wanted.

"Please don't touch me…" I cried quietly, "not after you just... with… someone else."

I couldn't bear to even look at the nauseated face he was making. I didn't want to feel bad for him.

He took it even further. I didn't have to be looking at him to hear the thud of his knees hitting the ground with a messy splash.

"Look at me," he croaked.

My eyes betrayed my intentions as they shifted to regard him on command.

He looked so defeated, shamelessly on his knees before me, staring up with his arms out to his sides, palms up, mud-splashed and shirtless, being harried by the freezing rain.

"I need to explain this, sweetheart. I'm gonna go fucking insane if you leave here thinking that."

I shook my head frantically. "There's nothing for you to explain, you don't owe me anything," I said, resigned and quiet, my voice starting to crack. "We're not... together. You can do whatever you want, Hidan." I barely managed to choke out the last part.

I started to lose it, wiping at my face with my cold numbed fingers frantically.

There was that tortured look again. "I promise you, baby girl, you're all I fucking want… just, come inside," he pleaded, his face never more earnest than it was just then. "Sweetheart… Please just fucking stay here with me. I am on my knees fucking begging you."

As if I couldn't already see that. As if it wasn't already making my knees weak.

There was something so beautiful about him under the neon lights. I wished I had the opportunity to admire him properly. Not through this lens of soul-crushing worthlessness.

"Hidan… i-it's okay… you didn't d-do anything wrong. It's not like… not like you're mine…" I said, squeezing hard around myself. I was freezing.

His eyes shot wide as he shook his head adamantly, rushing to correct me, "No. No, fuck that. I am. That's all I fucking am. I fucking promise you that, baby girl."

He spoke so feverishly, the rain spitting off of his lips with each syllable, chest puffing.

I swallowed a lump down my throat at the sound of his raw inflection.

My voice sounded so small. "But you… you're here. I… I'm not enough for you," I said. I think my heart cracked more than my voice as the words came out.

He cringed, his arms dropping down into the mud, fingers wrenching at fistfuls of the stuff. "No… baby, that's not fucking true. Don't make that face. I know how bad it looks, sweetheart, I really do. But I promise you, I haven't done shit here tonight. I need to get you inside so I can explain everything, okay?"

"How can you say you haven't done anything? Your neck is literally covered in lipstick, Hidan," I said, exasperated and head-shaking.

"Listen to me. Look at me. I don't fucking lie to you, baby. I never have. This?" he said, clawing at his neck with his mud-covered fingers to cover it up with a different kind of filth. "It's nothing. It was like having a… a fucking mosquito on me. I didn't even notice it happening, I swear. My mind was a million miles away. It was on you," he said, the disgust in his voice distorting his usual confident, bolstered tenor.

"Don't you fucking see? It's always you, baby girl."

I wasn't sure if it was my from atrophied muscles, the cold, or the way Hidan's words had the ability to hit me like a sledgehammer, but my knees began to tremble.

"Izumi… I swear to you, I'm wearing my heart on my fucking sleeve here… in fact," he said, pausing. I noticed a kind of desperate, chaotic glint to his eyes as he seemed to fasten onto an idea. He reached behind him into a pouch, pulling out a kunai. "Baby, I will do you one better. I will literally fucking cut it out. I will pull it out and pin it to my fucking arm for you, sweetheart. You'll never have to fucking guess, okay?"

For whatever reason, in that twisted mind of his, Hidan had latched onto the idea so quickly that he was already pushing the kunai through his chest with a hiss, teeth clenching as the metal sunk deep into his flesh.

"Hidan!" I shouted, frantically rushing to stop him.

"I'll just need you... to put it back in for me, baby," he gritted out as he carved a path down his sternum.

"Stop it! Please! You don't need to do that, I'll go inside with you!" I shrieked, finally on him and wrenching the knife away, flinging it off to the side in a tizzy. I was lucky no one happened to be there.

Oops. heh.

I stared down at him in horror and he met my gaze, his teeth gleaming beneath the helter-skelter lights surrounding us, smiling broadly with relief.

"You'll come inside?" he beamed up at me.

"If it'll get you to stop cutting your freaking heart out in the middle of the street? Yes. Yes, I think I will, Hidan!" I shouted at him over the weather and also just because he needed to seriously be shouted at.

He grinned at me stupidly.

I should have been mad, furious even, That wasn't fair, what he just did. He stripped me of agency. As if I'd ever let him do something so gruesome to himself because of me…

But the worst part was that I didn't even think he was trying to manipulate me with that stunt… he truly thought that might be some valid form of lov-

No no no… we aren't using that word, remember?

I wasn't mad though. Hidan was smiling up at me, wide and brimming with relief. I nearly forgot why I'd been upset to begin with.

Nearly.

He woozily lifted his arms from his sides again, palms up, looking up at me with a slowly shaking head. His wound was taking its sweet time to heal, and the crimson washed down his chest and stomach in a wide swath. He looked like some sort of willing sacrifice.

A beautiful one, awash with tones of shocking fuchsia and electric blue from the neon signage nearby. I felt like we'd jumped into a different reality for a moment.

He shouted back at me unnecessarily, given the fact that I was right up on him.

"This is all I have for you, sweetheart. I know it's a shitty deal, I really do, but I'm yours if you'll take me." He never dropped that half-smile, so repentant and pleading, even as he swayed there almost deliriously beneath the torrential rain. He had lost a lot of blood.

People in the streets were still paused to stare at the bizarre scene occurring before them. Even more onlookers had gathered on the porch of the Nightshade Lounge.

"Hidan…" I whispered quietly.

He looked up at me in waiting, arms still outstretched, expectant. I realized he wanted me to walk into them and suddenly I felt the weighty awkwardness of over a dozen gazes upon us.

"Everyone's looking…" I muttered.

"Maybe I want them to," Hidan said very seriously, eyes tethered to mine.

To have this powerful man submit to the likes of me, down in the mud in front of everyone to see. Willing to literally carve his heart out... It was like they were witnessing a supernatural occurrence. They may as well have been.

I scanned the crowd uncomfortably.

"Don't worry about them. Look at me," he assured, gazing up at me with those eyes of his, practically neon lights of their own. "Come here, baby girl."

My legs were on the brink of giving out.

There was no more resisting the promise of his embrace. Stumbling into him, my knees buckled as he wrapped his giant arms around me just under my butt and lifted me up against him as he stood.

We swayed for a second before straightening out. He grinned at the flash of nerves across my face as we did so.

"I got you," he assured.

But in what way…?

I raked through his hair, his eyes lulling shut as soon as they did. My heart did an odd, fluttery thing at the sight, and the only option I had was to pull his face against mine. Lips mashing together, I opened before he even asked, and his tongue immediately obliged, sloppy and rough against mine.

The drunken crowd erupted behind us, cheering and hollering, whistling and whooping. I couldn't help but smile big into the kiss at the sound of them, forcing us to break with my laughter. He was smiling too, looking like he couldn't believe his luck.

"I'm taking you inside now, you fucking popsicle," Hidan said, nosing against my cheek before lowering and swinging me around so I draped between his arms.

"Please do," I murmured, pulling myself against him, teeth chattering and nuzzling into him in return.

The cheering and shouted comments from onlookers continued as Hidan parted the crowd, bee lining straight toward the red light pouring out from the Nightshade Lounge. It was strangely inviting.

Hidan was eating it up, turning to face the crowd with a grin just before we dipped inside, taking a quick moment to bow and toss out a wink or two before pressing another crowd-pleasing kiss into me. He was seriously hamming it up, the big goof.

The air of the lounge hit me like a snuggly blanket as thick as the smoke that wafted about.

Hidan looked down at me with a suddenly worrisome expression. "You okay with the smoke?"

It took me a moment to figure out why he was asking me that. It had been a while and I'd moved on from what happened with Gorzo and my previous reaction to this sort of thing. God, it seemed like a lifetime ago.

But admittedly… it felt good? It made me feel just a little less broken to know that I was genuinely okay now with something that would have sent me in a tailspin before. I didn't even need to pretend.

That gave me hope that I wouldn't fear the dark for the rest of my life too.

I nodded up at Hidan before nosing back under his jaw. It was like my safe place as we navigated through the hallways of what, to me, was a foreign building. Hidan seemed to know his way around just fine.

There was no shortage of interesting noises reverberating in those halls.

"Oh my god… I hope everyone is okay in there," I murmured, wide-eyed, as we passed one room in particular that housed a screaming person, set to the background of a rhythmic thudding of headboard against wall. "Sounds like someone is getting murdered…."

You would have thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever said based on Hidan's reaction.

"God, better fucking hope not. That's Kakuzu's room," he informed me, laughing his butt off.

I blanched and went totally slack-jawed, which was apparently exactly the reaction Hidan had hoped for. He laughed even harder. I couldn't stop imagining what Kakuzu was doing to make them wail like that. It was... not something I wanted to think of... but my brain often disregarded my personal feelings.

"I thought he was actually meeting an informant," I hissed.

"Heh, he is," Hidan said, laughing. "Not sure what they're informing him of at the moment though…" he mused.

"If I had to hazard a guess? Probably 'legs don't bend that way'," I said, eyes wide at a fresh batch of stuttering yelps.

"Nah, those aren't cries of pain," Hidan dismissed.

"How would you know?" I questioned.

He looked at me like how dare I question this very specific area of his expertise. "Izumi, I fucking know," he sneered.

"Hm, personal experience with Kakuzu then?" I mused.

He cocked a brow but didn't lose this grin. Yes, I suppose I was being a bit audacious. I couldn't actually see the two together, they could hardly stand to be in the same room as each other half the time.

Hidan snorted. "I'm sure he fucking wishes."

I snorted too. Hidan thought everyone wished that, though I wasn't so sure he was wrong. Nosing back into Hidan's neck, which had a strange sandpaper like grit to it, I pulled back to inspect it with a scowl.

How could you forget?

He'd slapped mud all over himself not too long ago in an attempt to cover a barrage of lipstick stains implicating him in a rather unfortunate way. Hidan's neck was so caked with the grime that it hadn't even washed away in the rain.

"You're filthy, " I muttered, glaring at it.

"Oh, baby. You've got no idea," he said teasingly.

Okay, now that was some low hanging fruit.

Yeah, I was kind of asking for that. Sometimes I made it too easy for him.

"You're welcome to clean me up, sweetheart," Hidan offered with a raised brow, stopping outside a door and pushing it open without releasing me. He was good.

The room was dimly lit and shockingly well-mirrored? Like, more mirrors than I'd seen in my life. It's like they all got together and decided this was the place to be. They were on all of the walls and even on the ceiling.

It seemed like an odd, but interesting design choice. I'd read once that mirrors make the space feel more open. That must have been it. The room did fare on the smaller side.

I only got a glimpse of the bedroom before we were in the bathroom though.

"Hang on a sec," Hidan said. He was twisting the dials in the showers, a spray of water shooting out. It only took a few moments for the steam to begin rolling off it. He played with the temp just a bit before turning back to me.

He was on one knee, undoing the clasps of my poncho, looking entirely too focused on the simple task.

"It's okay, I can do it," I protested but he swatted my hand away.

"Let me do this, baby. You're fucking freezing. I just want to get you in the shower first," he said, already halfway done. "Then you can do whatever you want. You can kick me in the nuts, throat punch me, seriously whatever you want, sweetheart."

"You know me so well…" I muttered, thinking about all the times I had done those things to him, that being none. He gave me a little sideways smile.

His fingers moved deftly and I would only admit inwardly that yeah, okay, I probably would have taken four times as long given the numb state of my fingers and just generally who I was as a person.

In fact, he was moving too fast.

The poncho was long gone and when his fingers began quickly tugging up my shirt, I tensed and grabbed at the hem to keep it down. He was so focused on just getting my clothes off to rush me into the shower that he hadn't really considered I might be the slightest bit uncomfortable with it.

He pulled out of his mental warpath, looking at me totally bemused. "The hell are you doing?" he asked.

I grabbed at my waist awkwardly, arms criss-crossing over my belly to keep my shirt down, thinking about how I wanted to phrase this. In the interim, I leaked out what might have been confused as a fart, had it not come out of my mouth. A bizarre, high-pitched whine from the back of my throat.

"It's just me, you fucking dope," he said, looking so confused it actually made my chest tighten.

He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want him to see me. He probably just figured because he had before, because his fingers had literally been three knuckles deep in me at one point, my body coming all over his hand, that this should not be an obstacle.

I couldn't blame him for the assumption. It seemed reasonable enough.

But that was then. That was before I'd been disfigured by countless scars running deep across my entire person. And on top of that... it certainly didn't help that I got a face full of the women he was used to.

I was not them. Not even close.

"Hidan…" I said softly, tightening around myself like a constrictor. "I… how can you even stand to look at me compared to any of those other women?" I forced myself to ask despite how pathetic it sounded.

Hidan was taken aback by my question, his head jerking back, brows knitting together. He scanned my face once, twice, three times. Just searching for what the heck I was even asking him.

He took a hold of my head between his big mitts. "You know what, I have a sneaking fucking suspicion that whatever weird shit is going on up here is going to take way too long," he said, shaking his head, "and you're too damn cold, so you're just going in with your clothes on. Then we can straighten your bullshit out, alright?"

He asked like I had an option, but he was already standing and lifting me into the shower from beneath my arms. I thought to protest, but the warmth of the water had me shuddering and immediately keening into it the second it hit me. I stepped directly under the spray and basked in the heat with a sighing groan.

"There's my girl," Hidan praised, as if accepting his care was any big feat. He stepped in behind me, his pants still on as well so I wouldn't be the only oddball.

My heart pitched against my ribs at those words off his tongue though. I wanted it to be true, badly. That was why it wrenched my heart so badly to see him there with that woman. That stranger.

"Am I though? ...Your girl?" I asked, sadder than intended.

With a tilt of his head, he looked down at me with a pained knit of his brows like he couldn't even stand to hear me question such a thing.

"That's up to you, sweetheart. My offer stands, shitty as it is," he said earnestly, vigorously rubbing his neck with the bar of soap, scrubbing away the constant visual cue that had me falling into jealous little pieces. "I want you to be… but, there are some things you should probably know… before you decide..."

Hidan's confident, brazen demeanor all but fizzled. The expression he wore was riddled with doubt, worry… fear. It was so strange on him, I wanted to put my hands all over his face and wipe it away.

I knew that wasn't really how faces worked, but I tried anyway, my little hands reaching up and smoothing across his cheeks gently. His eyes lulled shut at the feeling, a small, sad smile creeping onto his lips.

"I'm listening, Hidan," I assured him.

His eyes cracked open to peer down at me adoringly, that glint of dread still lurking beneath the surface. He pulled my hands off his face and held them, my fingers curling over his as he brought his lips to brush against my knuckles.

"And I'll tell you everything, baby girl, I swear I fucking will." He peppered my fingers in little apologetic kisses. "But first you're going to let me get you cleaned up, alright?"

Was there even such a thing as saying 'no' to Hidan? Certainly not when he was looking at me like that...

There he was, insisting on taking care of me like always. I'd been thinking about that, how someone like Hidan could be the way he was, so rough... but also be so doting. I realized I was probably the first person he'd ever done it for... maybe it sparked in him some buried desire to be needed.

Needed in a way that went beyond the physical. It brought with it a different kind of pleasure. I couldn't deny the fact though, as weak as it made me feel, I did need him.

I was pining for the comfort of him and how it always seemed to soothe and envelop me, but before I could allow myself such a thing, I just needed to hear something from him, just one more time.

"Hidan… did you really not do anything here tonight?" I mumbled, feeling overly embarrassed and insecure in my desire to hear it affirmed once more.

I watched as he poured a pool of shampoo into his cupped palm, clapping his hands together and rubbing them vigorously. There was a certain relief in seeing him smirk down at me, an all too familiar expression that I adored.

"Not yet, baby. Swear to God."

'Not yet' he says… oh my.

That was… I guess I was okay with that answer.

"So how about this," Hidan proposed, raking his nails across my scalp in the most delicious little circles. I closed my eyes, still listening to him intently as my head wobbled around on my neck from the treatment.

"We take a real shower. I'm talking no clothes, lots of soap, the fucking works, right? Get you nice and warm, then we'll get all fucking cozy, cuddle up in bed and I'll tell you every shitty thing there is to know about me. Sound like a deal, baby girl?" He asked hopefully, pulling the hose off the wall and tipping my head back with a finger beneath my chin, washing the thick suds from my hair.

"Mm I'll think about it," I said lazily, lost in the comfort of what was happening.

Hidan chuckled. "Gonna be a lengthy ass process to get you all cleaned up like this," he noted, plucking at my sleeves.

Speaking of lengthy. Holy beans, would you look at that thing?

As it turned out… Hidan was both a grower and a show-er, and the way the water soaked his clothes outlined his… you know… kind of really freaking bluntly through his pants.

I was absolutely fixated on it. My brain was getting gross.

"Whatcha looking at there, sweetheart?" Hidan asked, angling his head to meet my eyeline with a very knowing smirk.

"Nothing!" I squeaked, snapping my eyes back up far too quickly.

"Mhm…" he said, clearly not buying that. Not even on sale. "You know, if you want a better view, I could probably make that happen... but man, would it be embarrassing to be the only one naked… you wouldn't want that for me, would you sweetheart?"

I glowered at him and he just bit his lip, smiling.

"I'll go first," he said, not breaking eye contact, hooking his thumbs into the waist hem, dropping his pants in a fluid motion.

Hidan's physique never failed to draw the breath out of me. His smirk grew as my eyes inadvertently flickered down his body.

"Holy fuck, are you seeing this, baby? Look how easy it is to wash up like this," he teased as he began lathering himself up in some effort to tempt me into removing my own clothes.

I scoffed at first, like there was no way him rubbing some soap across himself would work on me, but I would have been lying if I said after a few moments, it wasn't doing things to me.

He'd gathered a healthy lather in the hands that worked over his own body, fingers splayed as they rubbed sweeping circles across his chest, down his abdomen, even lower over the muscular ridges that cut a V into his hips.

I thought he might stop there, but Hidan was truly astounding in his shamelessness. His palm roughly edged down to his groin and over the entirety of his length, strong fingers wrapping around, squeezing himself with a few languid pumps.

I swallowed, entranced as I watched him "clean himself". His low, deepening voice snapped me out of my stupor.

"Join me, sweetheart?" His chin pushed out, eyelids heavy as he looked down at me. This man was actually freaking seducing me right now...

I wanted to… I really did. But even so, I hesitated.

"Hidan, I… I saw the women here, and I'm having a hard time understanding… why you wouldn't have done anything with any of them?" I admitted, trying to find my focus.

He was listening to me intently as he absently worked himself with one hand and spread a swath of soap across his shoulder with the other.

He hummed thoughtfully, maintaining a lazy pace in jerking himself off as he spoke to me like it was as normal as breathing. It was taking every ounce of my mental capabilities to focus on what he was actually saying.

"To tell you the truth..." he said, trailing off with a heavy sigh, "turns out they didn't have the girl I like."

The way he said it, that look he gave me, it was pointed, alluding to something more. Alluding that maybe… I was that girl? Was that wishful thinking on my part? How silly would I look if I made that assumption and it turned out to be, like… Yumi Something-or-Other from down the hall?

"Oh… so… what's her name?" I asked hesitantly, my eyes trained on his face and definitely not whatever mesmerizing thing he was doing to himself.

Any time I dared to sneak a glance, I found myself wishing it was my hands on him instead, and it was leaving me with a burning pit low in my belly. We were supposed to be having a serious conversation here...

That arrogant, smirking mouth of his split broadly. It was obvious some amused realization struck him, it was usually the expression he wore when something went over my head and he needed a moment to revel in my apparently entertaining ignorance.

"Her name? Welllll, I don't want to blow up her fucking spot or anything, but... I'll tell you it rhymes with 'she blew me'... which isn't actually true, as much as I wouldn't mind it. Not that I'd ever pressure her, but like… if she wanted to, I'd definitely let her. Just for the record," he rambled on, amusing himself. Touching himself.

She blew me...

I-zu-mi...

Oh, that little…

"Hidan!" I scolded as if his lewd joke didn't entertain me in the slightest, slapping his abs like it would do anything.

"Mm, do that again," he crooned, grabbing my hands and pressing them against his… ahem… impressive abdominals. I swallowed.

"Hidan…" I scolded again with much less vigor. I guess I didn't mind so much...

"Mm, say that again…" he teased.

Okay, I see what he's doing here.

The man could and would make anything sexual.

"I farted," I blurted out, testing him.

"Mmm, yeah, do it again, baby," he said, his eyes rolling back with a dramatic flutter.

That little... I thought for sure he wouldn't be able to sexualize that, but somehow his voice was still absurdly sexy as he practically begged me to release another round of flatulence.

Let the record show that no farts actually occurred here tonight.

"You're really something, you know that?" I tutted, tearing my hands off him as some sort of punishment. It felt more like I was punishing myself though. I still wasn't letting my gaze fall too low.

"Hm, definitely not the worst thing I've been called," he said optimistically. Giving me a once over, he bent down to whisper in my ear, "So… what do I have to do to get you out of these wet clothes, baby? You're killing me here, I'm feeling a little hurt that my demo wasn't enough," he pouted, giving me a look that should have been criminal.

Oh, right, my clothes. My playful mood disintegrated in an instant.

"What's wrong, baby? Tell me what kind of fucked up shit is happening up here," Hidan said, leaning in to kiss my forehead. He dropped even lower to capture my lips in a sweet, reassuring kiss.

It made it kind of hard to think he would be repulsed by my naked body…I suspected that was the intention.

"It's just… I look different now…" I said, tracing a scar from my shoulder, down my arm. "You haven't seen me… like I am now."

He surprised me by looking almost relieved.

"God, is that all? Give me this…" he said, swiftly taking my arm and kissing the base of the scar that nearly reached my wrist.

His lashes collected water droplets as he planted his lips delicately against the fresh skin, moving up along the scar, pressing a pretty little trail of kisses along the way. He didn't stop until he'd reached the other end up by my shoulder.

"There… who's fucking next?" he murmured against my skin, not waiting for an answer before his mouth was dusting more kisses down the scars on my cheek and across my forehead. He caught sight of one on my neck and moved there next.

It seemed to get… extra attention.

Each press so slow, so deliberate. I found myself angling my head back and he whispered his praises into my exposed neck.

"That's my good girl…"

A shiver jolted through me as his hands came to fall on my waist like it might provide me some steadiness. It did, and I needed it.

"Mmm." A soft, satisfied noise fell out of me as he laid down his first blatantly open-mouthed kiss, sucking on my neck so very gently, his tongue lapping tenderly against my skin.

My breath immediately hitched at the sensation and Hidan responded with encouragement in the form of a light squeeze of my hips and a low rumble in his chest.

He hummed against me before breaking away. "I fucking love these scars, baby girl."

I didn't even have a chance to respond before he seared more hot, open-mouthed kisses along the jagged, pink trail leading down to my collar bone.

"I fucking mean it."

And another, lower. Even his voice got lower.

"They show you're a fighter, sweetheart."

Even lower yet.

"A fucking badass."

He had reached my shirt. He tugged it down to do one more.

"I think they're fucking beautiful."

I bit my lip, suddenly overcome with a surge of appreciation for how Hidan always seemed to know just how to handle me when I was in my head.

He was always so forthright with his feelings, sometimes it overwhelmed me. I was envious of him, always able to simply convey his thoughts, unafraid of rejection or judgement or anything of the like. And sure, those thoughts may have been brash and littered with expletives most of the time, but they were raw and real and that was more than most could attest to.

"I'll fucking do this to every single one of them if it gets you to believe me. Fuck, I'll do it even if it doesn't. I'm just fucking enjoying myself at this point," he murmured against my skin, unable to tug the shirt any further down without ripping it off me.

He looked to be considering it for a hot second though.

He let his fingers trail down to the bottom hem and lifted up slowly, watching me carefully for any resistance. He paused when he saw the tears, which I had to honestly commend him for, tricky as they were to spot in a shower.

"Tell me, sweetheart" he said, quietly pleading, "what do you need from me?"

I shook my head, swallowing down an offending lump before mustering my courage and just grabbing onto the shirt myself.

It hit the shower floor with a wet thud.

I stood there awkwardly, arms rigid at my sides from the effort of not crossing them over to hide my body. He looked confused but not at all displeased as his eyes flickered up and down.

I let my fingertips trail down his abdomen thoughtfully, touching him made me feel grounded.

"You're just so sweet sometimes, I don't even know what to do with you," I said through a laughing cry.

He let out something between a laugh and sigh of relief, apparently not expecting that.

"I could think of some things," he teased, smiling broadly. "If you ever wanted suggestions, anyway. They would be totally unbiased and have nothing to do with my dick."

Speaking of which

Yes, he was certainly enjoying the view. That much was obvious. He was still very much at attention. I supposed that was proof enough he wasn't exactly repulsed by me.

"Hida-ahhn?"

I was in the middle of scolding him for his brazen suggestion when he took to washing my body, starting with my chest.

It really wasn't fair how sensitive my nipples were when he brushed over them, allowing each finger to catch on the taut, little buds before rolling over them entirely.

"What's that, baby? Were you saying something?" He feigned genuine curiosity, but the tilt of his head, the push of his jaw, the darkening look on his face… all of it told me he knew just what he was doing.

He spread the soapy lather across my chest, gently squeezing and pushing together my breasts, eliciting a shallow breathlessness from me.

"You okay, sweetheart? I'm not hurting you, am I?" He sounded genuine again, but I couldn't tell if this one was real. That was something he might actually check in on.

"N-no, I-I'm fine," I stammered out.

"Mm, yeah you are," he mumbled, more to himself than anything.

He let out a quiet 'fuck' as he continued the gentle massaging of my breasts. His hands, slick with soap, glided down along the slopes of my sides until his fingers hooked into my pants. I met his gaze which silently looked for permission and I wordlessly gave it to him with a look of my own.

There were way too many clothes in that shower, but at least they were no longer on us.

"Baby…" Hidan said like he was somehow in pain, his voice held low.

"Yes?" I asked back eagerly.

He maneuvered himself behind me, hunching down so his lips teased the shell of my ear.

"We're not supposed to mess around just yet… Doctor's orders... and I don't want to torture you too much…" he said, running his hands across my belly from behind, gliding up to cup my breasts with a soft squeeze. "So I'm going to try really hard to actually fucking clean you… but don't be afraid to keep me in check."

I was instantly gasping as his fingers captured my nipples, giving them a long, rolling pinch.

My body jolted from the pleasure, pitching my chest out and ass back, grinding into him. He met me from behind with a press of his own accompanied by an approving growl, squeezing my nipples even harder to keep me keening there against him.

"Mm, are we sensitive, sweetheart?" he asked, punctuated by a sudden sucking on my earlobe.

"Y...y-yes," I breathed out after a few tries as he kneaded and tenderly pulled at the hypersensitive pearls held tightly between his fingers, earning an embarrassingly drawn out whimper from me.

"Very sensitive…" Hidan noted breathlessly.

I could feel how hard he was, pressing into the small of my back. I knew Kakuzu had laid down that rule to be sure no lingering internal injuries would be "irritated" by such an act.

You know… sex. That thing I did that one time.

I just didn't anticipate the rule being an issue considering the three of us would be sharing a room… plus Hidan and I hadn't exactly gotten into the routine of it before… but the former was no longer the case, making it easier for the latter to become the case.

My knees felt weak and wobbly from both Hidan and muscle fatigue. I cursed my frail body, though it had been plenty cursed without my help.

Hidan's hands were spreading soap across my belly when he paused. After a moment, he continued down past my hips to splay across the tops of my thighs like he was feeling for something.

He sighed, sinking down to one knee. "You gotta fucking tell me when you're at your limit, sweetheart," Hidan said seriously, pulling me to sit on his thigh. One arm wrapped around my back to keep me steady, the other continued to lather soap across the tops of my thighs… then the inside of them.

"Spread these," Hidan ordered, pulling my knee towards him. I grabbed onto his shoulder for balance, watching his expression darken as he slid his hand along the inside of my thigh. He stopped just shy of the crux before doing the same to the other leg, pushing me open further.

My heart skipped each time he got so close like that, internally urging him to go just a little further. Just press those fingers into my folds, toy with me, do whatever he wanted with me. I just wanted him to be touching me.

The soap had long been washed away, he was simply exploring me now and there was something entirely dizzying about that thought. My breathing upticked as I watched his hands like a hawk, continuously approaching and retreating along my thighs. He wore a beautiful, but pained expression as he also watched.

"Alright," Hidan said with a hard swallow and a pat of my leg, "I'm thinking you're squeaky fucking clean at this point, baby girl."

Before I knew it, he was scooping me up and toweling me off.

"Y… You're not going to…" It was a delayed response, my question coming as he carried me out to the bedroom.

I was in a stupor. He looked like he wanted to touch me. I had definitely wanted him to. I felt like a little kid who had their toy ripped away from them before they even got to freaking hold it.

There was a slight smirk on his face, something pleased with my disappointment, but also an obvious twist of his features that told me he was not happy with his decision either.

"Look, sweetheart," he began, flipping the blanket back with his foot and laying me down on the bed. He crawled over and climbed in beside me, tucking me under his arm as I instantly curled around him. "If you still want me after I tell you this shit… I will make good on what I started in there and then some, I fucking promise you that."

Right… I had nearly forgotten the situation. Hidan was here, at this place… because Kakuzu said so? Though he didn't do anything… but still, he had something important to tell me that he thought might change my opinion of him.

Oh lord, I was so not ready for whatever this conversation was going to be. I couldn't even fathom what he could possibly say to make me see him differently. He was Hidan. My wild, untamed wolf of a man. My loyal, steadfast guard dog, but at times, also just a giant lap dog in need of love and affection.

There was a palpable shift in the mood. Hidan fell sternly silent. He breathed in deep and released a sigh through his nostrils, his mouth too taut for even air to get through. I could practically see the mental process whirring behind the scenes of his face, gears crunching and coming to terms with needing to finally say whatever there was to be said.

"You know you can tell me anything," I said, mustering a brave face at the sight of his looking so off. His sudden serious countenance was putting me on edge, I wasn't used to this Hidan at all. He almost seemed scared.

His arm around my back and shoulder squeezed me against him as he tucked some wet hair behind my ear. He opened his mouth before shutting it again. I'd never seen him at a loss for words before.

"What can I do to make it easier?" I asked, stretching to kiss his cheek. "Would it help if I turned away from you maybe?"

"Maybe," he mumbled. "But first…"

He kissed me hard, holding me there for a long time, his massive hand spread over my cheek, sliding down to my neck and up into my hairline, fingers gripping at my roots. It was a messy, desperate kiss. One wrought with the sense that it could be our last. I both loathed and adored it, trying to pour myself into him in some attempt to convince him I was there to stay.

He eventually broke off with a series of needy pecks, not wanting it to end.

Hidan was usually transparent with his emotions, but I couldn't discern his expression as he regarded me so intently. He looked like he had something to say, but nothing came from him before shifting around. There were mirrors everywhere, so no matter what, I'd be able to see his face.

Still though, there was something to be said about the new position as I rolled over and he took to curling around me.

Despite our circumstances, I felt high off him, our naked bodies spooning so tightly, wrapped up in blankets. This was the kind of comfort I had only dreamed of. I only wished it hadn't been in preparation of what seemed like a very difficult conversation.

The outstretched arm beneath my neck came to wrap around my collar, clutching me against his chest by the shoulder. The other draped and dangled over my tummy, his fingers lightly caressing the soft skin there.

I cracked my eyes open to stare at Hidan in the mirror that faced us. He was doing the same to me. There was something so weirdly heart fluttering about seeing myself there tucked into him with his chin moving to rest atop my head, the two of us just one big lump under the blankets.

Such an odd pair we made. But it felt right.

"Is this better?" I asked quietly.

I was met with a strained silence.

Hidan's nose twitched with a sniff and his brows knitted like he was thinking very hard about how to phrase whatever thorny thought was trapped in his throat.

"I'm not fucking crazy," was all that came out.

He sounded less defiant and more pleading, like he just needed me to believe that. Or maybe he wanted to believe it himself.

I didn't know where that was coming from. I never said he was.

"I know you're not," I assured with a dull pain in my chest, bearing witness to his struggle.

This really was difficult for him. It was obvious. I could practically see the unspoken words bubbled up in his trachea, refusing to spill.

"Hidan… hey," I whispered, just wanting to capture his attention. After a tense moment, his eyes alone shifted to meet mine in the mirror we were both staring at.

It was such an odd dynamic, to watch ourselves have this discussion in such a way. As if Hidan showing this vulnerable side wasn't strange enough, it made the whole thing that much more surreal.

Fear was about right though, if I had to pin down what dark thing I was seeing in his eyes. Even from beneath the shadow of his brow, in fact, especially from beneath the shadow of his brow did it become that much more apparent. I'd never seen this look on him, nothing even remotely close.

"It's just me, Hidan… wh… what are you so afraid of?" I asked quietly, just wishing I could ease his anxiety but feeling helpless to do so.

His adam's apple bobbed. He licked his lips, shaking his head just slightly before planting a kiss into my hair. I could feel his lips frowning against me as he held himself there. He couldn't even bring himself to vocalize whatever thoughts were running amok in that beautiful head of his.

It nearly broke my heart. There he was, my barrel-chested, laugh-in-your-face arrogant, absurdly ridiculous man, reduced to all things solemn and defeated.

"Talk to me?" I pleaded softly, my fingers gingerly scratching back and forth across his forearm. He breathed, decompressing against me a little.

"Fuck. This is fucking hard. This is why I don't fucking talk about this shit..." Hidan muttered more to himself than anything.

"Like… with anyone?" I asked.

"Mm… think I told Kakuzu once when we were drinking." The rubbing of his fingers against my stomach had become more nervous than tender. It wasn't bothering me, but it was a good indicator for me to gauge where he was in his head.

"Are you… scared to tell me?" I asked.

"...Yes." he said.

Hidan admitting he was scared of anything seemed like something akin to an eclipse. It was a spectacle so rare and you definitely didn't want to look at it. I was glad I was facing away, I just needed to avoid looking at the mirror, I think it would have broken my heart to see the face that accompanied his affirmation.

"You don't have to be scared, Hidan…" I coaxed, tucking my chin to press a kiss to his arm.

"I am. I'm fucking scared that you'll be scared," he admitted, exasperated.

"Wh-what? Of what?" I asked, confused.

"Of me," he said flatly.

I shook my head. "Hidan, please just tell me. The only thing scaring me right now is not knowing what's going on."

He sighed deeply and let out a pained exhale. "I know, I fucking know… you deserve to know this… you need to. I just... ugh. Okay. Here we fucking go."

And so he closed his eyes and held me there against him. With long pauses, many clearings of his throat, and the apprehensive starting and stopping of sentences, he poured his soul out. His strong features did nothing to hide the trepidation as he spilled his guts.

"It's not just me up here," Hidan said quietly, referring to his head. He sounded disgusted with himself as he admitted it. He told me all about them, the voices he heard. The ones that seemed to live inside of him.

The things they urged him to do, the people they urged him to hurt… or worse. He couldn't even look at me in the reflection, his mouth losing all signs of moisture as he told me I was no exception to that.

In fact, these voices, they seemed to hate me more than anything.

"Why would they hate me…? I haven't done something wrong, have I?" I interrupted him to ask.

He actually laughed. "You worried you offended the fucking voices in my head, sweetheart? God that's so fucking on brand for you it's hurts."

I huffed. "Well I don't know! I feel like… I've given them no reason to-"

"Yes, you have," Hidan cut me off bluntly. "You know how I've told you that you make everything quiet?"

I nodded slowly.

"I'm not being fucking poetic when I say that shit. You literally make them shut the fuck up."

"I-I don't understand… why? I'm not doing anything to make that happen. I don't think, anyway."

Hidan shook his head with a shrug. "Don't know, sweetheart," he said like there was also a 'thank you' in there somewhere. His lips were gentle as he pressed a kiss to my hair.

I tried to make him feel better by admitting I had a bit of a voice myself.

"It's okay, Hidan. I have one of those too, you know. She's really mean, actually."

Maybe you just have thin skin.

Hidan managed a breath of a laugh. "No… I don't think we're talking about the same thing."

"How do you know?"

"Heh… sure, we'll play this game. So, sweetheart, how many people has your voice told you to murder lately?"

"None…" I admitted, like it was somehow a bad thing I couldn't relate on that level. "She mostly just insults me or encourages poor behavior. She likes you, though… and yours don't like me."

Nope. They didn't like that I made them quiet, took away their control over him, even if it was just temporary.

He wasn't crazy though, he kept telling me that. That was important to him, that I knew that. It wasn't him that wanted to hurt me, it was them, and he swore no matter how loud they got, he'd never let them take over.

My heart ached at the pleading look in his eyes, like they were begging me to believe him as he told me all of this.

He was so washed in shame, his voice thick and constricted as he admitted these things to me. All I could do to comfort him was squeeze the arm wrapped around me and pepper it with kisses.

Hidan went on to describe the voices as many, but one. There was something about that description that disturbed me. Layers and layers speaking the same thing at the same time, some whispering, some laughing, others shouting, all on top of one another.

They'd get louder if he didn't do what they wanted. And somehow, for no known reason, I hushed them into submission. I'd be thinking about that for a while, curious as it was.

The only other thing that seemed to help him keep them at bay were incessant prayers and… stress relieving activities. Apparently Kakuzu would take Hidan to… well, places like this... to help keep him in check, especially when he was feeling high strung. Mellow him out for a little, make him a bit less volatile.

But Hidan claimed he hadn't been in a while. Not since me, he said. He didn't need it anymore, but Kakuzu wasn't buying it, said it was unhealthy for Hidan to only rely on me, especially given my constantly fluctuating well-being.

It explained so much, like how I had found Hidan out on those steps, the thousand yard stare he was driving into the surrounding night. He promised he didn't do anything, couldn't bring himself to go through with it. Apparently, he was just going to spend the night chain smoking on the porch, in the cold.

The pieces were starting to fall into place. All the odd little comments, the times he looked like he was wincing at a loud noise in a quiet room. He'd been living like this and just trying to manage it himself, keep it hidden.

It was heart-breaking to think of him carrying this burden by himself. Only Kakuzu knew, maybe Pain as well, and as much as I adored Kakuzu, he was a crappy person to rely on for emotional support. Hidan had truly been alone in this.

"So… you can't hear them now?" I asked, wishing beyond my means that I could take away the pain this was causing him.

He shook his head. "Not with you here."

"But they come back when I'm gone?"

He nodded. "With a fucking vengeance," he laughed weakly.

"I'm sorry…" I offered quietly with another kiss to his arm. He squeezed me back. "How long has it been like this? You've... had them forever?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Just a few years."

"That's when you..." I was putting even more pieces together. "That's when you became immortal...?"

"Mhm. Kind of a package deal. Sure as hell threw me for a loop when I first fucking heard them..." Hidan groaned at the memory.

"So you didn't know this would happen? It wasn't on purpose?" I asked, appalled at the idea that he was somehow tricked or misled into such an awful situation.

He laughed darkly. "I didn't know shit, baby girl."

"Oh, Hidan… I-I'm so sorry," I whispered, my lips against the pale skin like a wish to wash it all away.

All the pieces were finally together. I could make out the image in the puzzle and it was honestly just… so much sadder than I expected.

He sighed, staring at me intently in the mirror. "I'm not sorry. Every shitty decision I've made, every fucked up thing that's happened, it led me to being naked in this bed with you right now. I'm fucking fine, sweetheart. Trust me. You're the only thing I'm fucking worried about right now," he said earnestly.

God, who would have known he was such a romantic? I nearly dissolved.

Maybe I was stupid, a big fat massive idiot, but the only thing his confession made me feel was a stronger pull toward Hidan. He was finally opening up to me, allowing me to help him… not just the other way around. Any time I would try to take care of him he would act like he was fine, and it was obvious he wasn't, and now I knew why.

Now maybe I could help him.

"Hidan…" I began quietly, "is that what was supposed to make me scared of you?" I asked. My fingertips scratched gentle patterns against his skin as I waited for him to meet my gaze.

His eyes lulled shut for a brief moment. When they opened, they slowly trained on me. He wasn't just staring, he was searching, trying to see if I was putting on a brave face. I wasn't though. I didn't know how he thought I could possibly be afraid of him with how dutifully and thoroughly he'd cared for me, even with these voices.

"You'd be an idiot not to be…" he muttered into my hair, causing me to smirk.

"Are you calling me stupid?" I questioned. "Because I believe we've already established my brain is all I have going for me, so I sincerely hope you're not second-guessing me on this, Hidan."

His lips twitched into a smirk as well, enough to reach his eyes. I felt relief from that look alone, it was so much more befitting of an expression on him.

"I'll be fucking real with you, baby girl, I'm not gonna argue against you too much. I'm fucking selfish. I don't care if I don't deserve you. I still want you to want me, and I'm not trying to talk you out of it."

My admiration for the man currently holding me cozy against him swelled. Hidan did not let people see weakness or flaws in him. No, he was someone that would tank any hit to that face and smile after, pretending it didn't bother him.

But it did. He felt pain just like anyone else.

So I felt completely overwhelmed by the notion that he brought himself to tell me all of this just so he could do right by me, let me make an informed decision about him. About us. That meant… he was serious. This wasn't just a fling for him.

"Hidan…" I had his attention, our eyelines connecting in the reflection. "Of course I want you," I said softly, kissing along his wrist.

You would have thought those words were some sort of incantation with the way they seemed to cast a spell on Hidan. He squeezed me, his eyes lulling shut as he nodded. With a breathy sigh laced in relief, he nosed into the crook of my jaw from behind.

"Izumi… you're sure?" he asked, his voice low and quiet.

"I want you," I repeated. I was sure.

There was something about the way he was gazing at me that reignited that coiling heat low in my abdomen. I didn't dare blink as I arched back against him, wanting to press our bodies closer.

"Careful…" he warned, like I didn't know what I was doing. Like it was some sort of accident that my ass rolled into him.

Oh, but you know exactly what you're doing, don't you?

I did. I wanted him in every way. Screw the rules.

A/N:

Hidan and his theatrics... I tell you what...

Sorry for the length, people! I just really wanted to get to a good stopping point. I know it's been big angst lately as some shitty things have been happening... here's to hoping Hidan will take Izumi's mind off things for at least a little while :3

FYI- I will be taking a hiatus to get through the holidays. My hours are about to get kind of crazy and I don't want to rush chapters!

If I don't update before the New Year, I want to wish everyone a magical holiday season. Thank you for all the support to those still reading this thing lol. That's kind of crazy to me, but I'm glad some people out there are still getting some enjoyment out of this whirlwind of a fic O_o

By the way, any thoughts on what Kakuzu was doing to that very lucky soul? :3