Kindred
By Sweetprincipale
Set in early Season Five. When Dracula called Buffy 'kindred'' he was doing a bit more than just saying they had a lot in common. Hungry for knowledge of herself and her power, Buffy didn't realize what kind of connection he had forged with her until he left town, and the damage was done. Hoping to break his hold over her, Buffy requests help from Spike. However, the way you break the hold of one vampire is to let another one possess you more fully. But, it'll only be temporary, right? Simple business, that's all…
Dedicated to: KyanaM, Stuffn'Nonsesn, Brokenblackrose, Pgoodrichboggs, Pentastic, and SJwheelan.
Part III
"Modern Europe?"
"Only if you're in it, too."
"Greek Art?"
"Only if you're in it."
"Tara's in it."
"Deal."
Poetry Seminar?"
"Only if you're-"
"Buffy! You can handle this alone. Look, I had Professor Lilias last semester. He's amazing and super kind."
"Fine, sign me up."
"You need one more. Computer Science 101?"
"Do I have to?"
"If I have to help you do assignments, you know I'll ace them on your behalf."
"You would ace any assignment anyway."
Willow's head swivelled as they conversed. "It would be slightly easier to help you complete the registration form if you weren't a moving target. Do you see this poor tree? It has root damage now. You've caused years' worth of soil erosion in thirty minutes."
"That's me, a force of nature." Buffy smiled at Willow, but couldn't stop pacing around the shady tree on campus. "How am I going to sit through class in two weeks? Huh? Can't you hear the professor? 'Ms. Summers, that's a fascinating hundred yard dash you're doing in the back of the auditorium. I want to see your notes on my desk before you leave for the day. What, you haven't taken any because it's hard to write and jog? You're fired!' Or whatever the academic firing equivalent is. Expelled. Can college professors expel you?"
"Buffy, what's with the-"
"Do you know what 'kindred' means?"
Willow brightened. "Oooh, vocab! Totally. So, kindred can be like, 'we have oodles in common and we're in sync' or 'you are my blood kin, my relative.' Why?"
"Funny story. If Dracula calls you that and you two swap blood, guess what? You're in the family. I'm adopted."
Willow paused. "Have you told your mother yet? She might take it hard."
"Wills!" Buffy couldn't help but laugh in spite of the mounting frustration.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's terrible. I don't understand what exactly this 'adoption' is. You're not a vampire. You don't want to be one. "
"No, and I'm not feeling like I have someone reprogramming me or anything, either. But, I do feel hyped up in a mega way. I just chugged one hundred mochas kind of way."
"We- we have to fix it! How do we fix it?"
Buffy hesitated. "We're working on something. We might need help if the first idea doesn't work. And I might not be around for a couple nights."
"What did Riley say?"
"I haven't told him yet. As soon as I'm done registering, I'm girlfriend gal." She twisted a strand of hair around her thumb. "Willow? If this happened to you, because Dracula was like, 'Hey, I have the secrets of all magic here, and I can help you be the best witch ever and feel comfortable with your power and your place in the world' and you did it… You didn't even know you were doing it- how would Tara react?"
"What? Tara?"
"Yeah. If you and Dracula had some intense- but not intentional!- bond."
"Oh, well, she'd get it. It wasn't like I was asking him to make me all loopy and hyper."
"You think I'm loopy?"
"No, I'm loopy when I'm hyper. Remember the soda incident?"
"Right, continue."
"What are you really asking?"
"Would she be mad?" Buffy asked, the wince obvious on her petite features.
"No! Worried. And she'd want to help."
"Riley's going to be worried. And want to help. And- do that thing where he thinks I'm extra freaky. The 'My girlfriend likes vampires' thing."
"Buffy, only an idiot would say that. You have dusted hundreds of vamps, way more than him, and you're younger than he is! If you liked them, wouldn't you avoid killing them? Wouldn't you be all 'Yay me! I'm part of the biggest vampire in history's family now! My dreams are coming true, tra-la-la'?"
Buffy stifled a laugh, sounding unfortunately like a snort. "Sure, maybe without the musical touch, but…"
"You wouldn't be looking to break this hold-thingy. And you wouldn't tell him about it. You wouldn't tell anyone, because you'd be afraid we'd try to end it." Willow rose and took her pacing friend by the elbow.
"Thanks, Will. You're right. I'm overreacting. Tell me I'm overreacting."
"You are overreacting. Here, sign this, I'll take it to the registrar and you go end the torment of not telling."
Buffy hugged her best friend as she signed the papers, trying not to take her over backwards with the extra ferocity she was struggling to turn off. "Will? Do you ever think you want to understand where your power comes from? Why you can do really hard, deep magical stuff that pretty much no one else can?"
Willow blinked. "N-no. I'm just grateful."
"Oh."
"But- Buffy? I don't stop learning about it. I may never understand my power completely. I never stop reading, and studying, and practicing with Tara or Giles."
Buffy suddenly leaned against a tree, hands clasped to her middle over the surging tension. "He told me I had darkness that rivalled his own. He told me I wasn't sure who I was, or what I will be."
"Is anyone?" Willow asked simply.
"I want to be good," Buffy whispered, lower lip trembling. "I know I have something as dark as demons', or else I wouldn't be able to fight them like this…"
"No, no, no. Good triumphs over evil. If you can fight demons, it doesn't mean you're as bad as them, it means you're better than them. You know that! You've always known that! Why with the doubt?"
Because I felt confused. I still feel confused. Close to him. I don't feel close to anyone else like that. There's a hunger… No one I know, no one I love, is feeding it. I'm running harder than ever, fighting better than ever, and I still can't get full… Buffy forced a smile to her face. "I guess he made me question myself. Even the Master, even Angelus- I always at least fought them. I mean, I got bitten-"
"Not by Angelus! Angel. You offered, that was love, not weakness!" Willow yelped.
"The point being, Mr. Legendary Big Bad got to the vampire equivalent of home base before I got fighty. I wanted to find out stuff from him."
Willow's smile was lopsided, voice gentle. "Proves what I've been saying for four and a half years. You're smart. Riley knows that. Now, go. Stop the festering and you'll see he'll be total support guy."
"Are you kidding me? How in the world did something so stupid happen a week ago and you just now realized it?" Riley hit the speed bag in his room so hard it creaked out of its harness and crashed to the floor.
"Excuse me? Stupid?" Buffy went for the recently acquired heavy bag. One good punch sent sawdust trickling from the burst side.
"I'm sorry. I mean- why didn't you tell us right away?"
"I didn't know right away! I've never heard of this, ever! Dracula is unusual, remember? The whole connection thing with his victims, not just a quick bite for dinner?"
"Yeah, he's long-term relationship material, not a one night stand," Riley muttered bitterly.
"And yet again, I say, excuse me?" Buffy angrily wiped at her eyes. Stupid tears. Not happening.
"What do we do to fix it? You kill him, right? You did kill him- mostly."
"He's hard to kill. He's weak right now- but he's also very, very gone. I can't kill him and break this unless I go off on a world-wide hunt. And by the time I get there- he might go 'poof' and do his misting away trick."
"I'll go! I'll do it. I don't have a military position to fill and I can request -"
"Riley! I'm the Slayer and I couldn't finish him! What are you going to do?"
"I'm not going to have the same issues you did."
Her voice practically gave him frostbite. "Issues? What issues?"
Finally sensing the danger he was in, Riley changed his angry, exasperated voice to one of sympathetic boyfriend. "I know he had you under his spell."
"He had Xander under one, too. And in case you're about to go there, if there is one person who hates vampires more than me, it's him. Wasn't Giles affected, too? Have you ever seen Giles affected by- gee, I don't know, anything? He has 'British Reserve' tattooed on his chest. Actually, no, he doesn't, that would be scary. But you get it, right? This isn't about me having a case of transference. So if you think you'll be just fine because you don't have an ex with fangs, think again."
"Fine, let's say it has nothing to do with that. I have different tactics than you do. I can do a long-range kill and-"
"How? How are you going to do a long range kill on a guy who can pop up two inches behind you and then forty feet away from you before you blink? He can turn into mist, he can turn into a tiny little bat and fly away!"
"Why are you getting defensive with me? I'm offering to help you!"
"I'm getting upset because you think that you can just swoop in and fix it for me, like I failed and you'll just naturally be successful."
"Well… he's not dead and you're mentally attached to him. I don't see this as a total success, Buffy," Riley pointed out gently.
"It's not entirely mental. It's something he did, that I'm going to undo. I'll be busy doing it. If I can't fix it soon, he'll come back to Sunnydale to finish what he started," Buffy said evenly, voice low. If she let it get any louder, it would break. She wasn't sure if it would devolve into screaming or sobbing, but both were not okay to show him. Not now. He already thought she was weak. Weak physically, weak as a fighter, weak mentally. She had to swallow the bile that was rising. "If he comes back, you can try to finish him then. But in the meantime, don't rush off, okay?"
"Okay. Okay, I'm here for you. I'll help you with whatever you want. What do we do? A spell?"
Telling him any specifics would be an act of idiocy. But lying would be worse. Moral dilemmas should never happen with boyfriends. You have to use them to save the world and- oh. Boyfriend got involved in that, too.
"Uh, well, a spell is something that's like an accessory to fixing this," Buffy began cautiously. "But the only way to break his hold is to kill him, or override it."
"Override? Like a command sequence?"
"More like mutiny? Another vampire-" Buffy froze as his jaw clamped and fire lit up in the usually friendly, placid eyes. But he needs to know. He's the boyfriend. He wants this to get fixed. "Riley, you want me to get better, right?"
"Of course! I just don't want you to get worse first. So, you were saying? Another vampire… does what?"
"Takes the hold instead, then releases me from his own. And I won't be under Dracula's power anymore, because the other one erases it. Breaks it."
"How?"
"Uh- they say some special words and - and they -"
"You're not a good liar."
You have no idea. I lied for years and fooled the person who birthed me. I fooled everyone. Maybe even myself. "I'm not lying. I'm trying to figure out how mad you're going to be at me. Like I did something and you have to put up with the mess I made." Buffy crossed her arms and glared him down.
He had the grace to look abashed. "Of course I'm not mad. I'm here for you. Whatever you need to do."
He's not a good liar, either, Buffy thought. "He bites me and uses his words to replace Dracula's bond. I have to want it. That's the connection. And obviously I do want it, because I want to be done feeling like this."
"Bites you? He has to bite you? Are you insane?"
"Don't call me that. Never. Call me that." Buffy reached down and grabbed the denim satchel she'd carried. "I'm done. I explained, it'll be over soon, and then you can freak out some more. Because that's super supportive and it's really helpful, Riley."
"Buffy, wait!" Riley charged after her as she fled from his room. "Listen to me! Of course I don't want you to get hurt! Vampires are evil and violent! Who in the world are you -oh. Of course. Angel." Riley shook his head, lips curling in distaste. "I want to be there."
"What?" Buffy paled. "Huh?"
"You're going to visit your ex, who went evil from a moment of pure joy with you. Doesn't sound too stable. I think you need someone to watch your back."
"Riley, I don't want you there. Not because I don't value your help, but because it's - delicate. If it gets messed up, I'm not going to get better." And it would be the most awkward thing in the world.
"Delicate, huh? I've seen vampire attacks. They look messy. Not too dainty. Ugh. If the labs were still open, I could have handled this. Gotten you one before we chipped it."
"But- but there would be no connection. There has to be a connection, a bond with someone to remove the hold. One that is stronger than Dracula's. Angel would be the best candidate," Buffy stated her own truthful opinion. "We can't be together, but he always wants to help me, and he is a genuinely good man. He fights so hard to make up for what he's done. I've saved his life, this would be his chance to return the favor and -"
He interrupted,"Vampire. Good vampire, you mean." Riley corrected her with palpable bitterness. Her eyes blazed, but he didn't care. "And that's great, that he's working so hard to make up for two centuries of murdering innocent men, women, and children."
"Are you trying to make this worse?" Buffy choked out. "Because you're doing a terrific job. Congratulations. Anything else you want to say?"
"Find someone else!"
"Who? Tell me who!"
He couldn't. He spat out, "Hell, at least it's not Spike. He's chipped, or he'd be first in line. He's a little too comfortable around you."
"Riley- for once in the history of my life- a vampire who I can get comfortable around is okay. I'm serious. I either stay in limbo, or I get fixed."
Riley turned away. "Get fixed." He turned back. "Some other way."
She didn't know how to react to him, his desperate, pleading eyes, his arms wrapping around her and looking so lost at her. His head touched hers, all of the sudden reminding her that this was what she wanted, should want. The sweetest, kindest man, who mostly accepted the dark parts of her life.
But not every piece of darkness, a tiny voice reminded her. "Wh-what do you want me to do?"
"Let's research for a few days first. Promise me- you won't go see Angel until you've exhausted every other option."
"I promise," she was able to say with total honesty. He let out a huge rush of air, deflating in relief and joy, crushing her to his chest in relief and gratitude. Lips met and she was happy to make him happy.
She was just sad she had to hide the truth from him to do it.
"I need you to do something for me," Buffy plunked herself down on Giles' couch, looking pale and exhausted. Her chest hurt from where her heart thudded hard all day long.
"Do you want me to accompany you to Spike's?"
"No. I want you to lie for me. Cover for me. And I'm a bad, bad girlfriend and I know that."
"Buffy! Now, what in the world happened this afternoon?"
"I talked to Willow. I didn't explain how we would break the hold. Told her I would be busy for a couple nights. Then I went to see Riley, and I gave him the outline version of how you break a hold- bite and possessive words, that's it- and he flipped. He went ballistic. No cool to be had. He assumed that I would be doing this to get a chance to see Angel and he went commando on me and wanted to go and do a 'long-range kill' on Dracula, like I didn't kill the bastard because my technique is bad!" Her hand went through a throw pillow. "I'll buy you another one."
"It's unnecessary," Giles sat beside her, gently sliding another throw pillow into her path. Better that meet an untimely end than his coffee table or the sofa itself. "And you told him it wasn't Angel?"
"No. I decided to stop talking after he told me I was stupid and hung up on guys with fangs. He mentioned Spike."
Giles controlled his burgeoning anger with an effort. "As a an alternative solution?"
"No, as in, 'Thank God at least he's chipped. He can't bite you, but he is strangely comfortable around you.' He actually said he wished he still had access to unchipped vamps in the labs so he could just fix this right up." Buffy snapped her fingers, mimicking Riley's quick fix attitude.
"A deep connection must be-"
"I know! I know. And- Spike and I do have a lot of history. We were engaged under a spell, so maybe that will help in some way." She turned on her side, fetal position, looking up at the man she trusted like a father. "Do you think I'll get better?"
"Yes."
"Do you think I'm a bad girlfriend?"
"No. If you were a bad girlfriend, you'd let the caped bastard have you." Giles' voice changed, grittier, less well-mannered.
"Giles!" she had to smile, eyes momentarily twinkling at his Ripper voice. "But- Riley said Spike being chipped meant he couldn't bite me."
"He can't, if he intends to hurt you. If he intends to heal you and he does this- and my tongue shrivels with the unlikeliness of this phrase- if he does with the tenderness we know he can show when properly motivated, I am very confident. But Buffy - and I don't wish to discourage you in the slightest- but I want you to be realistic. It might not happen in a few seconds or even hours. You and Spike might take several attempts to complete things."
"Can't I just use that no feeling spell?"
"For the bite, if you must. For the connection, no. Spike pointed out that anyone can say a word. I could stand here right now and say 'Buffy Summers is my daughter.' I- that's a rather bad example, actually."
He waited for her to connect the dots. She launched herself into his arms. "Yes. She is."
He hid his smile in her hair before becoming business-like again. "Hrm. Now, then. Another example. That horrible beast, Kakistos, he could come here, were he still alive, and say 'Buffy Summers is my daughter' and you would laugh and ram my end table through his chest."
"I'm hard on your furniture, huh?"
"Fortunately, you're even harder on the demons, or this place would literally be a hellhole and not worth living in. The point of my example being- Spike could call you anything. If you don't want it- you won't be able to end Dracula's bond. The connection must be mutual."
"Does that mean I - I wanted to be in his family?" Buffy looked sickened and confused.
"No. He called you kindred. What did you think he meant?"
"That I was like him in some way. Someone powerful. Dark. Mysterious." She blushed. Sounds like someone has a big ego. "I thought he admired me and I was impressed by him. I mean, the guy's a legend!"
fIGiles smiled. "You accepted- reluctantly and without fully understanding- that you and he were kindred. Alike in some important ways."
She studied her hands. "I thought he knew something I didn't. Turns out- he just thought he did. He thought he was going to find my true nature- all dark and wanting the big pain, the bloodsucking immortality riff. Nope. That's not what I want."
The problem is… I still haven't really found out what that is. I just know what it isn't.
Giles patted her hand comfortingly. "I don't need to remind you of all the foolish mistakes and misunderstandings I've caused. You were there for the more horrific ones. Now, then. Let's dismiss the term lying and refer to this as a- a matter of secrecy. What secret do you want me to keep for you?"
"I don't want Riley to know what I'm doing. I don't want the gang to know yet, either, not because I think they'd wig, entirely. I just don't want them to let it slip. I'm pretty sure Riley plans to come over here. He said he wanted me to find another way to break this and made me promise I wouldn't go to Angel until we looked for other options. I didn't tell him Angel was off the table. So if he and the rest of the gang shows up, I want you to tell them that I'm doing some- some ritual cleansing thing in isolation that I can't be disturbed or it'll undo the work I put in. Then have them research ways to break a hold. Seriously, maybe there is another way, and that would save me hassle."
"That's all very feasible, and of course I will. Are you heading directly to Spike's?"
"Pretty soon."
"I got him a good bit of blood from the butcher's today. It ought to help curb any desire to bite for feeding."
"Oh, come on. You know he hates that stuff. If it's between a fresh neck and cold cow-juice, my pretty little neck and I win every time."
"True, but if he starts feeding, he'd get a terrible headache. He described that very vividly, didn't he?"
Buffy winced. "Grateful as I am for it, I so do not ever want to experience that thing."
"Nor do we want him to get resentful and angry at doing this and give up due to the pain. Take him the blood?"
"Of course," Buffy nodded. To give up because of the pain. That's a real possibility. He won't get anything out of this. Not even bragging rights. If it hurts him- how many tries will it take before he tells me no? I guess I could put a stake to his- no. She felt sick. The idea of forcing him to do something for the greater good, that didn't really bother her. The idea of forcing him to endure pain just for her mistakes rankled. I'm not dark like that.
"Could you rest for a few minutes? You've been burning a great deal of energy. Did you eat?"
"Mom feeds me like it's her job during the summer. Baby's home from college." Buffy did recline on the couch.
"Close your eyes for a bit." Giles moved around the apartment, closing drapes, turning off lights, lighting a stick of incense. "I imagine you'll have trouble sleeping with the extra energy. Might as well grab a few minutes while you can."
"Sounds good. Giles?"
"Hm?"
"Is having a truce when it suits us enough of a connection?"
He hesitated. "Spike's fascination with slayers goes deeper than that. I would say on his end, it's very possible."
"I'm the weak end of the chain here?" she closed her eyes, fighting down a whimper.
"To paraphrase the one who started this mess- only when you want this can it be achieved. Only when you… burn for him."
"I'll never burn for Spike."
"You didn't exactly light up for Dracula, either. But you craved knowledge. Spike has some. If you believe he can help you unlock what you're looking for, he-"
Buffy heard the rest like listening to murmuring behind a waterfall. Exhaustion won out.
Spike's place.
It was nice of him to leave me dinner.
Buffy picked up the heavy gold cup, filled with crimson. Oh, not this much. I can find it without this much.
"Slayer, put that down. Back away."
"Spike! You put it out for me." Her eyes were questioning.
"You know that's not my style, Luv." His were amused. "You know us better. At least me, you do."
Cold laughter tickled her ears. A lilting accent touched her mind, "The gift is only for my bride. She who is worthy."
She batted the cup down, spilling blood all over stone. The voice stopped.
Spike was emerging from dark recesses in the cavernous like space that somehow imposed itself into the crypt. Buffy trailed her hand atop the stained stone and came to him.
"He tricked me." She held up bloody hands.
"I know." He didn't mind when she put them on him.
"You did that." She pushed him back.
"Once. The rest of the time- we fight." He stepped up, hands out like taking his partner for a waltz. She nodded and he bowed as they stepped into the suddenly much bigger space.
They traded blows, circling, in rhythm to music that didn't exist. Hard blows that didn't cause either of them pain. "Why are you fighting me?" he ground out, hard hands on her shoulders.
"I always fight evil."
"All right, fair enough. Why are you fighting me?"
"Aren't you- evil?"
"Not always."
"No! You are or you aren't!"
"Like you're dark or you're light? No middle ground for you? Why the hell do you think you're so tired? You keep climbing the mountain and divin' the depths."
They were falling together. Into the depths. She didn't have time to gasp for air.
The water swallowed them up completely, suddenly. Dark black water, and she couldn't see anything but him, somehow suddenly bare, pure white in the black. Thing of light in the darkness. She gasped as something tickled her reality and her lungs filled with water.
"I can help you." He came at her in game face, but it smoothed out as he grabbed her around the waist, bending her drowning body back. He kissed her.
No. Breathed for her. Her lungs reinflated, and she latched onto him. Breathing back.
She drew back and looked at him. He looked so acutely pained, suddenly grasping at his chest, mouth opening and closing frantically.
She heard his voice in her head, but not from his gasping lips, low and passionate, and hurting. "I'm drowin' in you, Summers. I'm drowin'."
I know the feeling. There was a hesitation. If she did this, it would change everything.
She seized him and fit her mouth onto his, eyes closing, first his, then hers.
They stabilized. She couldn't be talking, her mouth was busy. So was his. But she could hear him, his little desperate chant over hers. Somewhere in the dark waters, their voices layering over one another, "Harder. Harder. Harder…"
"Buffy! Are you in pain? You started moaning." Giles gently shook her shoulder.
"I really hope I didn't just have a slayer dream." She sat up, shaking. Not cold. Hot. Too hot. Too confused.
"A prophetic dream. Why? What happened?"
"I was drowning and Spike was able to breathe- like human air breathe- and he saved me."
Giles smiled. "That sounds prophetic, in the symbolic sense of the word. You're drowning in the way that you are losing yourself in fear and in Dracula's control. Spike will break it and you'll be free again. That's all."
She decided mentioning that the CPR moment included a naked Spike and her kissing him back and voices that were way too passionate.
"Do you want something to calm your nerves? Are you feeling-"
"No, not nervous. I can wipe the floor with Spike," Buffy said easily, rising and stretching.
Giles sighed. "Not to appear overly sympathetic, but do remember he's risking a great deal of pain for this. Pain is motivating in the sense of avoiding it."
"I'll keep it to a gentle beating, okay?"
He sighed heavily, "Let me copy out the spell."
"Seriously, I appreciate his help. Oh, blech! Bad taste in mouth. I need mouthwash now. You have mouthwash, right?"
"In the medicine cabinet above the sink." Giles pointed down the hall. "Heading out?"
"Yeah! Before the gang arrives. Remember-"
"Cleansing ritual. Remembered. Take the blood."
"Remembered."
To be continued...
Author's end note:
Thank you to those of you who have purchased and are reading the full length "Spuffy" novel CrossRealms: Shattered by S.C. Principale available on Kindle and Amazon. I appreciate your support. Since I don't know specifically who bought it- here's my general shout of thanks!
