There wasn't a cloud in the sky as the seasons shifted from spring to summer that day. The sweat gathering on Itachi's brow was a good an indicator of the raw heat beneath the blaring sun, though some of that had to do with Kisame full on assaulting him.

Despite the necessary distraction–Kisame's burly fist attempting to reduce him to pulp–he couldn't quite get his head into the proper space for a spar. Not fully, anyhow. It had been days since Izumi took off with the zombie combo to that godforsaken town, and Itachi's nails had since been bitten to nubs.

"You're distracted," Kisame noted, grinning as he nearly landed a direct blow to Itachi's abdomen. Itachi managed to shift in time for most of it to skate off, but even then, it didn't exactly feel good.

Itachi leapt back, halting and catching his breath. "Is that an insult, Kisame? Am I not making for an entertaining opponent for you today?"

"Not at all, Itachi. Merely an observation. You should be distracted more often, it's quite satisfying to actually land some of these hits."

Itachi smiled lightly, brushing himself off, picking up from Kisame's casual approach that they were breaking. "I'm glad one of us is having a good time, at least."

"What can I say," Kisame shrugged, voice full of snark, "It's a burden I'm willing to shoulder."

Itachi, feeling just a bit snarky himself, looked his hulking partner once over and mused, "well, if one of us has the shoulders for it, it's you."

Kisame plopped onto the grass. Bringing his hands to swipe the mussed hair from his face, he used a water jutsu to drench himself like his own personal shower.

Itachi had seen this many times before, and the sheer extraness of it never ceased to amuse. Kisame cracked an eye and smirked up at him, offering a spouting palm and a look of 'you want some?', to which Itachi politely shook his head.

"Suit yourself. So," Kisame began with all his usual casualness, "what's got the old noodle in such a stir fry?"

With a sigh, Itachi took a seat beside his partner. "My 'noodle' is fine, though I appreciate your concern."

"I believe that," Kisame said with a nod. "Problem is, your noodle is usually a few notches above fine. I'd put it at exceptional on a normal day. Genius comes to mind. Though, when it comes to Izumi…"

"Kisame…" Itachi murmured. It wasn't so much a warning as it was something exasperated, a plea for him to stop because surely he'd be right, whatever he was going to say.

"Fried sounds about right."

And he was.

Itachi broke from vaguely watching Deidara and Tobi attempt to spar on the opposite side of the clearing–attempt was definitely the operative word there–to give Kisame a sidelong look.

"Why do you bother asking to begin with if you already know the answer?" Itachi questioned.

"Because it's fun?"

Another sideways glance.

Kisame clicked his tongue and gave Itachi a more pointed look. "Because you won't talk about it unprompted and I'm worried you might explode otherwise?"

That seemed a bit more likely. Itachi wasn't trying to worry his partner, he simply didn't want to burden him with his dramatics. What was he supposed to do, pull Kisame aside, tell him about all the thoughts that were plaguing him even though it would fix nothing?

Izumi was still in recovery, yet she was whisked away to the seediest town he could think of. She'd be such an easy target there and have no defenses, save for the men she was with. Not to mention Izumi had a bad track record of finding trouble, and even when she didn't, trouble found her.

Despite his hurricane of thoughts, he managed to condense them down, admitting, "I am a little concerned about her, yes."

"She's got those two with her. I'm sure she's fine," Kisame waved off Itachi's worry. If only it worked that way.

"Ah, yes, because they kept her so safe last time." Itachi usually had enough restraint over his eyeballs to stop them from rolling like a smarmy teenager's, but now wasn't one of those times.

"Hey, Mr. Sarcasmo, I'm sure they're taking good care of her. Have you forgotten they weren't quite as smitten with her back then?"

Itachi snorted. As if he could forget. "Of course not. Mistakes still happen though. Kakuzu is easily distracted by the promise of money and Hidan is… well, Hidan."

Kisame let out a sighing huff upon glancing over to Itachi, reaching out to slap a hand from his mouth. "Get your fucking nails out of your mouth, I am not painting them another time this week."

Itachi hadn't even realized he was chewing them. "Ah… I will fix them myself."

"Oh okay. So you're cool with everyone knowing your eyes aren't as good as they used to be?"

Itachi snapped to look at Kisame, an expression of 'explain please' beneath his cool exterior.

In a rare moment of hesitation on Kisame's part, he only stared for a moment, wetting his lips as he actually thought about what he wanted to say. "Let's just say you don't always color within the lines so well these days."

Itachi blinked, staring down at his hands. "You didn't tell me."

"No. I just started doing them for you. Seemed easier."

It was moments like this that made Itachi's heart throb with the pain of knowing what was to come. Kisame was a good partner, a good friend, and while he wore a mask of humor, especially regarding Itachi's soon-to-be untimely death, it was just a mask.

It was harder for Kisame to tell Itachi that his nails looked like shit because of the implication lying beneath the messy layer of paint–his time was drawing near–and saying it aloud only made it more real.

The thought of Kisame on his own, perhaps adjusting to a new partner after he'd been with Itachi for so long, was heartbreaking. It was something Itachi tried not to think about. But little things like this were becoming more and more frequent, and so were the thoughts they stirred up.

Itachi sighed. "If I knew, I could simply use my sharinga–"

Kisame burst out laughing. "You absolute fucking loon. You are not wasting precious sharingan hours on painting your nails. I won't allow it."

"My regular sharingan doesn't take a large toll."

"None is better though."

Itachi couldn't argue with that.

Kisame laughed, "Your eyes have gotten so shitty that you didn't even notice Izumi is back."

"What? Where?" His sharingan flickered on in an instant, quickly scanning the treeline and honing in on one Izumi at the edge of it talking to Deidara and Tobi. She was standing there holding… something. Some sort of animal squirming in her grip…?

It seemed so unlike Kakuzu to have allowed her to get a cat, or any animal for that matter. They required time and upkeep, and most importantly, money.

Kisame, through all his chuckling and head shaking at Itachi's knee-jerk sharingan, questioned, "what the hell does that girl have?"

"I have… not a single clue," Itachi assessed with a sigh. Leave it to Izumi to come back with some odd creature.

From the distance they were at, the only thing made clear was that it had wormed its way out of her grasp. Plopping onto the ground, it took a moment to shake its head and gather its bearing. Tobi of course went running up to it, squealing with adoration and making a scene of it.

He bent down, hands on his knees as he spoke to the thing like an infant. The creature stared a moment, cocking its head like it was assessing. Only a moment later were its hackles up and a swath of swarming threads shooting out at Tobi's face, clinging to the edges of his mask and tearing back.

"Oh shit," Kisame whispered, and all he was missing was a bucket of popcorn with the way he was looking so thoroughly on the edge of his grassy seat. "Seriously, the hell is that thing?"

"Smart," Itachi said bluntly, watching the event unfold.

Izumi was freaking out in her usual Izumi fashion. Overwrought apologies, panicking, attempting to pull the creature back by it's haunches. All unsuccessful.

Deidara and Hidan were laughing wildly as Kakuzu just stood there, looking on like this was simply another Tuesday. Meanwhile Tobi was screeching, crying for it to let go as he fought to keep the mask on. It was stretched far from his face, testing the quality of the straps.

It seemed likely no one besides Izumi would help because in truth, they were all rooting for the animal, curious to see the face beneath the mask.

"I don't suppose you think we should be helping?" Kisame asked, clearly hoping for a 'no' by his lazy tone.

With a shake of his head, Itachi answered nonchalantly, "Too many cooks in the kitchen."

He was no different from the others in how genuinely he wanted to see this play out. Itachi was well aware of the person hiding beneath that mask–Obito Uchiha–but most other Akastuki members couldn't say the same. Itachi was alone in his knowledge of many secrets and was quite used to that, but having the others know this one would have been a relief.

Obito was many things, but above all, 'not to be trusted' ranked highest among them. If he could just have more eyes on him, ones that actually understood him to be a threat and not some bizarre man-child, it would help immensely.

Unfortunately Itachi's hopes were dashed when Tobi finally managed to overpower the creature that appeared to be the size of an overweight raccoon. The mask snapped back, throwing Tobi off balance and onto his back.

Izumi was over him in a second with what looked like a thousand frantic apologies, helping him up. With both hands on his mask, now firmly back on his face, Tobi took off wailing all the way back to base.

Itachi liked this creature already, whatever it was.

"Welp, looks like we've got a cool dog now," Kisame mused.

Itachi paused, looking over at his partner. After a moment of discerning hesitance he asked, "Kisame… have you ever seen a dog before?"

Kisame merely smiled and decided not to answer, leaving Itachi to wonder if he was just messing with him, or truly ignorant to the appearance of dogs. A classic Kisame play, and one that would leave Itachi puzzled enough to lose sleep as he went over their time together, mentally scouring it for a single moment they'd spent interacting with a dog.

He could always do some research on Kirigakure as well. Admittedly he didn't know much about it in regards to local fauna and commonly housed domesticated animals. He assumed they had dogs, but assumptions were unwise.

Itachi sighed. A problem for later.

The partners continue to watch from their casual vantage across the grassy field. Izumi ran to give Deidara a hug before she seemed to introduce the creature to him, though it didn't seem to take much interest. Not like it did with Tobi.

It only took a couple minutes of spectating and commentary before it happened. The inevitable. The thing he'd been expecting for long enough that it was almost a relief to see it.

Hidan walked up behind Izumi, and where Itachi expected any normal person to halt, he kept going until he was flush against her, his arms wrapping her from behind, massaging her shoulders, rubbing her arms. She tipped her head back at him, smiling, and he leaned down to meet her.

They kissed.

"Whoa, when the fuck did that happen?" Kisame balked, staring at the pair. Hidan wore a broad smile as he proceeded to push against Izumi from behind, bending lower to kiss her neck. She shied away with a laugh, which only made Hidan pretend to devour her neck as if he truly were a zombie.

Her shriek of laughter reached across the field easily and the sound was bittersweet upon his ears.

Itachi sighed, his expression stolid. "Not sure. It was to be expected. I suppose it's better to get it over with now so I can get used to it."

"My God, dude, have you completely given up?"

"That was the plan, yes. To give her up."

"She's not a fucking drug."

"Maybe not to you…" Itachi muttered, unable to take his eyes off her. She looked happy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her laughing like that.

"Why are you torturing yourself by staring at them?" Kisame asked.

"Hm? I'm not torturing myself."

"Oh come on. You're telling me it doesn't eat you up to seeing them all cutesy like that?"

"...No. Not really."

"You're not jealous?"

"Oh, yes. I am very much that."

Kisame scoffed. "Get your shit straight man. You just said it doesn't bother you."

Itachi shook his head. "Those are different things. I am jealous of Hidan because he has her… but I'm not necessarily bothered by seeing them together."

"Gonna have to explain that one to me, champ."

Itachi sighed, gesturing over to Izumi like that should have been enough explanation. "She's happy. Look at her laughing. I think she just snorted twice in a row."

"Yeah she's fucking adorable, even I'm a little jealous. What's your point?" Kisame rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter who puts the smile there, so long as I'm an audience to it."

"Holy fuck, man," Kisame murmured, eyes wide. "That is some serious next-level simp shit if I ever heard it."

"Then I am a simp, as you call it," he agreed with a shrug. "As I originally suspected, he makes her happy. It's more than I could have done. It is what it is." Another sigh from Itachi.

"He's a ticking time bomb," Kisame argued.

"She seems to diffuse him."

Kisame stared over at the new couple, squinting like he wasn't buying it. "Yeah… maybe… or maybe he's just got a longer fuse than we thought."

"I thought you liked Hidan now," Itachi questioned.

Kisame lazily lolled his head to look at his partner. "Oh? Is that what you thought? 'Like' is a strong word for anyone, Itachi."

"You like Izumi," Itachi pointed out.

"No. I adore Izumi. She's an exception to the rule anyway, you know that."

"Yes, I know. I'm just pointing out that you've seemed favorable towards him as of late."

Kisame grinned. "Well, that might have something to do with the fact that he's been less of a fuck as of late. You're not jealous, are you, Itachi?"

"No." But maybe he was a little.

"Think I'm trying to switch partners? You and Kakuzu get on well enough. Couples do this kind of shit sometimes, right? Trading?"

Itachi had never worried about such a thing, never even considered the possibility, but suddenly it found its way into his head and he huffed with frustration, knowing it would take a long time to dig it out. He did not want a new partner.

"If that's what you want…" Itachi said, tapering off, hopefully calling his bluff.

"Dude, how are you even sitting upright?" Kisame asked, feigning amazement.

Itachi stared at Kisame, perplexed.

"You spineless shit, I'm not trying to switch partners, come on. Don't let me fuck with you like that, it's too fun but then I have to feel bad after."

"Oh? You're capable of such a thing?"

Kisame loosed a raucous bout of laughter. "You're alright, Uchiha. I don't care what anyone else says."

"A resounding assessment of me, Kisame. Please, by all means, put that on my gravestone," Itachi said, unenthused.

Kisame laughed again. "That's cute, you think you'll get a gravestone."

Itachi smiled lightly at this too. That was the joke.

Kisame hummed, "Well, maybe you will. I bet Izumi would make it happen. Does she know about your little countdown yet or…?"

Itachi pushed his jaw out with a frown, shaking his head with a stern look. "We've been over this."

"Thought you might've changed your mind. I think you should. She might have some tips or pointers, actually. How to cross over peacefully or some shit?"

Itachi gave his partner a sideways look. He plucked a blade of grass and began tearing it down the center absently. "Too soon."

"Isn't it always?"

"Hm…"

"Seriously though. She's gonna be fucking pissed if you die and then finds out about your condition after."

"Now why would she find out about a thing like that?" Itachi asked, his voice suddenly cutting like razors. His eyes blazed just as sharp.

Kisame raised a brow. "Relax, I'd never tell her. Just… you know, what if you don't go according to plan? What if you miscalculated and it happens beforehand? Let's say worst case scenario it's with your head hanging in a toilet and blood dribbling down your chin."

"Your ability to paint a picture with words always astounds me, Kisame," Itachi praised dryly.

"I could keep going, wanna guess what you're gonna be wearing when it happens?"

"... Is it this exact outfit I have on now?"

Kisame clicked his tongue. "Damn, you're good."

"Hardly."

"All jokes aside, do you see my point?"

"I do..."

He really did. It was worrisome. If what Kisame was suggesting came to fruition, would she spent the rest of her life wondering why he didn't tell her? Questioning if that's why he pushed her away? Not knowing? Hating him for not knowing?

These conversations with Kisame never boded well for Itachi's strict four hour minimum sleep requirement. Aside from the whole 'never seen a dog' issue, he would be tossing because of this one for sure.

Since he was already screwed as far as circadian cycles went, he thought to get Kisame's opinion on some other things… really drive the nail in the sleepless coffin.

"I almost told her the truth about those things I said to her back when I 'broke up with her', as you would put it." He was onto dissecting a new blade of grass. The first one laid in two perfectly symmetrical pieces to his side.

"Oh?" Kisame asked, interest piqued. Such a glutton for gossip. "You mean how it was all a bunch of horse shit? When'd you almost do that?"

"Back in Jomae… Hidan was making comments. I think she told him, not that I blame her."

Kisame nodded. "Yep. That makes sense. So you almost told her. Not quite, huh?" Kisame laid back, lacing his fingers beneath his head.

Itachi tore the grass blade down the middle and discarded it with the first one, taking his partner's cue and also laying back, his hands folded over his stomach.

He made sure to angle himself to still catch a view of Izumi if he so pleased.

"I really was going to. I ended up not having the chance though, if you can believe it."

Kisame chuckled. "I vaguely recall our plans getting a bit fucked in the ass that night, yes. So, that means you'll tell her now, right?"

Itachi chewed the inside of his cheek and rolled his head to the side, grass prickling his face. He watched her for a moment. She seemed to be walking around like it was part of her physical therapy routine–likely upon Kakuzu's demand–and Hidan was at her side, ever attentive.

Itachi wanted to find a problem with him, he scoured him for one, sharingan activated and everything, but God, was he good to her. Itachi wondered if he would have been as good.

He would have liked to think so, but he really didn't know. That bothered him quite a bit. He'd never really had a problem with feeling inadequate before. He had plenty of other issues, but not that one.

"Didn't mean to ask such a toughie," Kisame said, purely with the intent of snapping Itachi back into reality.

It worked well enough. "Hm. I was thinking about telling her, but I'm not too sure now. She seems… good."

Kisame laughed, but it wasn't really funny. "I don't get you, man."

"Let's say I tell her. What then? She's clearly with Hidan now and seemingly happy. I can't see how there would be any sort of positive outcome."

"Think you'll confuse her or some shit?"

"I would be flattering myself to think such an admission would confuse her, I'm not certain she holds any romantic attachment toward me. Honestly, she really shouldn't. She even tried to set me up with a festival-goer that day in Jomae. All the more reason to keep it to myself."

Kisame's laugh sputtered out of him. "Pffffffft, what?! She tried hooking you up with some fucking rando?"

Itachi sighed, shrugging. "It was odd. I don't know. She thought I liked blondes, for some reason."

"Well, do you?"

Itachi bothered to roll his head all the way to the other side just to give Kisame a disapproving look, that was how much he disliked the idiotic question. That was not the point. Kisame loved to focus on these trivial things.

Kisame chuckled. "Ah. I see. Another secret you want to take to the grave?"

"Yes. That's it."

"Sounds like Izumi being a spaz like usual. I wouldn't read into it."

"I just want to set her up to be safe once I'm gone," Itachi said, idly petting the grass to his side.

"I can get on board with that... Hey, speak of the devil," Kisame muttered, noting Izumi's approach, Hidan close behind. Kisame shouted over to them, "Hey lovebirds, what are you guys up to?!"

He turned back to Itachi with another quiet mutter, "How was that? Did I sound like a supportive friend?"

Itachi held down a laugh.

"Practicing walking!" Izumi answered as she got closer, flashing a toothy smile, hands on her knees and bent over like she was winded.

She looked so small. Even smaller than before. Itachi noted this and thought to maybe pick her up some sweets as he eyed her with a frown.

"Oh thank God, it's about fucking time," Kisame tutted. "Most people your age started that training about eighteen years ago."

"Hah hah." Izumi stuck her tongue out at him. Hidan rolled up from behind and ran his hand down her back in a sort of sweeping, check-in motion.

"You all good, sweetheart?" He asked.

Itachi stared at Hidan, looking him once over for good measure.

Him and his pet names. Izumi didn't seem to mind them though… and maybe they weren't all that bad, maybe the worst part was just that Itachi couldn't use them.

Hidan, from what Itachi could count, would use three consistently with her. That meant three were off the table, were she ever to consider himself again. That was fine though. He knew what he preferred, what he thought of in his head when he looked at her, and it was none of those.

What was he thinking? He'd literally just gotten done saying how he was backing off completely to let things play out with Hidan. There was something about seeing her up close that made him foggy though. Or maybe it was seeing Hidan up close. Possibly seeing them together. He didn't have enough information yet.

Itachi snapped back to reality. Izumi was talking.

"Yeah, yeah," Izumi assured, waving it off and straightening out. "Just, ya know, checking out this grass, real interesting stuff, ya know?"

"Oh? What's the consensus?" Itachi couldn't help but engage with her. He immediately cursed himself as Kisame gave him a knowing little smirk, and Hidan stared at him more intensely than appreciated.

That didn't matter though. Izumi seemed content enough to banter a bit.

"Very grassy. Like… whoa." She over-acted her mind exploding. It was pretty cute.

It was extremely cute.

Even her explosion noise was cute, though it wasn't very accurate. That's probably why it was cute though, he surmised. Normally explosions were not that.

Itachi hoped the endearment didn't register on his face. He pushed down the smile threatening to give him away.

"Ah, astute as always. I'll have to read your thesis later," Itachi mused.

"Well I'll certainly let you know when I write it." Izumi played along with an air of professionalism.

"I've dissected a few blades here myself, perhaps we can collaborate."

She raised a brow, hand over her chest with a feigned look of honor. "Such valuable research. I can only imagine the lengths you went to to obtain it. It would be my pleasure."

Itachi didn't want to think of her pleasure. It certainly wasn't coming from him these days.

"Hey, I can do stuff with grass, see?" Kisame entered the conversation, bored of the sidelines. He jutted his fingers into the ground and ripped out a big, grassy chunk of earth.

He held it up, "Eh? Pretty good, right? It's like… grassy and witty and stuff, like whatever you guys were saying."

"You really want to know what I think about that?" Izumi asked.

She had something funny or peculiar to say, Itachi wagered. He pushed up onto his elbows and watched to see where this was going. He was always fond of her surprising little comments.

"You? A grass expert? Lay it on me, toots," Kisame said, grinning.

"I think… you're a real grasshole," She said pointedly, barely holding back her own laughter as she delivered the cringe-worthy joke. It came out in stifled little wisps even as she spoke.

No one thought Izumi was as funny as Izumi did.

But somehow that made her funnier. Kisame's lips twitched to laugh, if only at how stupid it was, but he forced them into an even line since he'd previously vowed to never laugh at her puns. He was having a hell of a time.

"Get it?!" Izumi giggled, "Because not only is it grassy, but you also dug a hole!?"

Yes. It was a two-level deep pun. She was clever indeed. Itachi was smiling without his consent.

"Izumi, what the fuck did we talk about?" Kisame reprimanded, no longer able to fully hide his growing grin. He still attempted to be stern.

Izumi pretended to think, finger tapping against her chin. "Hmmm, that I can only speak in puns?"

"No! It was never! Never with the fucking puns, Iz! Aye aye aye, fucking kids these days," Kisame complained boisterously, jumping to his feet and shaking the grassy dirt clod over Izumi's head.

She squealed. Oh boy. And then there were antics. Kisame was at least somewhat gentle with her as he picked her up, trudging off and threatening to throw her in the lake.

Itachi watched her fend off the beast which was Kisame with a wistful smile. No one else could tame beasts like her, and she didn't even know it.

Itachi suddenly realized he was alone with Hidan. He'd been so lost in thought, watching Izumi and Kisame for a long time before he glanced over to notice Hidan trained on him. He was smiling in an odd, sort of friendly way, but there was something off about it. Something lurking beneath the surface.

Hidan stepped forward. "Hey, man, I've been meaning to thank you."

"Oh? I'm sure that's not necessary, whatever it is." Itachi replied blankly. He wanted nothing from Hidan, not even his thanks.

Hidan seemed to ignore this.

"It's just that I appreciate you breaking her in for me," he said with a laugh. "I honestly don't know how it would have worked otherwise. For a second there I thought maybe I was the first. Girl is tight, you know what I mean?"

Oh. So they were doing this.

Itachi just stared at him with that stone countenance.

Hidan, finishing laughing, shook his head in disbelief like he was just recalling the event all over again. "Hoo, anyway, thanks Uchiha." He grinned.

God, did Itachi want to leave him toothless so he couldn't smile like that anymore. He was not typically one for violence of that nature, but something about Hidan brought it out of him.

It was probably the way he was speaking of Izumi, like she was nothing more than a piece of meat for him to fuck. Itachi had been looking for something wrong with Hidan? Well, there it was. He was right back to distrusting his intent.

He had to play this right, though.

"I'm… glad I could help." Itachi sounded like he was being careful with his words. A controlled edge to them.

Oh, and Hidan knew it. There was a tiny twitch of the Uchiha's eye–barely perceptible. But Hidan could be perceptive when he wanted, and yeah, he wanted.

That little rip in Itachi's frigid veneer? Hidan honed in on it like a seasoned seamstress. One loose thread, nearly imperceivable, threatening to undo everything if someone just pulled hard enough.

Hidan wanted to be that someone.

Unfortunately for Itachi, Hidan had quite the impressive resume when it came to thread pulling, considering his partner.

"Yeah, you know, I usually prefer my women a bit more experienced, but Izumi, man… I gotta hand it to her, she's a quick fucking learner–pun intended," Hidan noted with a smile. "Yeah, I can do puns too," he followed up.

What a ridiculous man. Itachi was nearing the end of his limit listening to him speak about her the way he was.

"Is there a particular reason we're discussing this, Hidan?" Itachi asked, not sure how long he could keep up the callous ruse.

The tear grew longer, threads unraveling in quick succession. Hidan's expression led Itachi to believe he was well aware of the thin line being walked. In fact, it seemed to amuse Hidan to no end.

When Hidan spoke it was like they were friends, a heavy hand slapping against Itachi's shoulder. "Just trying to bond with you now that we have something in common. Fucked the same girl, after all. We're penis bros now! I'm just having a go at being a nice guy, that's all. I think that's what Izumi would want." Hidan smiled, sharp and calculated.

"Mm, perhaps I can offer you a tip," Itachi said coolly.

"Not the same one you offered Izumi, I hope," Hidan quipped back, brow raised.

Itachi ignored this.

"A 'nice guy' would not speak about her the way you are, currently."

"Oh, that's funny." Hidan's eyes took on a strange quality–equal parts giddy and murderous. "You see, I thought you were going to tell me I should fuck her and just immediately turn around and tell her fuck off. I was gonna do that, but it's really only worth it if she's a virgin. How'd that work out for you, by the way?" Hidan asked, feigning genuine interest.

Itachi could only stare as his mind scrambled for some sort of defense.

"I mean, when she told me that," Hidan whistled and shook his head, "I knew you were cold, but damn, dude."

Again, no defense. He fell back on his signature stoic look. It did not feel like a sufficient response.

"Say, you wanna know the difference between you and me?" Hidan offered like he had some sage advice coming Itachi's way. Itachi steeled him to remain reactionless.

"I pray there is more than one..." Itachi managed to say without much inflection.

"You act like you're so much fucking smarter than me, but I'm not the fucking braindead dumbfuck that tossed her aside." Hidan's tenor went from a friendly jaunt to something harsh and stamping in an instant. He was a bull of a man, all things raging and mindless, nostrils flaring.

"I made the right decision for her," Itachi maintained. He shouldn't have said it. He didn't need to answer to him at all, but something about Hidan pushed him to justify himself.

What did Hidan know? He knew nothing. He had no idea why Itachi had to make the decisions he did or how heartbreakingly difficult it was to do so.

Something got set off in Hidan. It was plain and twisting on his face. They'd gone from talking to bellowing once Hidan opened his mouth again.

"You fucking shattered her! I'm still picking up the fucking pieces!" Hidan pushed up into Itachi's space, towering over him and jamming his finger into his chest. "And I'll fucking do it until she's whole, but fuck you. She'll never say it, she'll never even think it because she's too good, but that doesn't mean you don't need to hear it. Fuck you, you slimey fucking piece of shit."

That last time they were this close they were tangled up together, crying over Izumi's death. Now Hidans' finger slammed into Itachi's chest with each word like he was pounding out a procession of angry notes on a piano. A song of war, it was.

So odd, how things play out.

Itachi just stood there and took the verbal lashing, not turning from Hidan's gaze. He did not like the things Hidan was saying, he did not want to know the details of how he'd broken Izumi. It was selfish and weak, but he really didn't.

His sharingan pulsed, the tomoes whirling faster. It was unintentional, though the knee-jerk reaction set a predatory blaze to glint across Hidan's eyes.

"Fucking do it," Hidan provoked, his voice burning, jaw pushing forward in challenge.

Itachi stared back. Fuck. He should not have done that. Where was his control? Nowhere in sight. Must have been hiding with all his halfway decent rebuttals.

Hidan somehow managed to push into Itachi's space even further, their chests nearly touching, and his voice was practically a growl as he began to berate Itachi once more.

"There is not one single fucking thing you can show me that's worse than any of the shit I've already seen, Uchiha." Itachi's name spat from Hidan's mouth like something bitter, and he punctuated it with another jab of Itachi's chest.

Itachi resisted the urge to close his eyes and shield his face from the spit flying from Hidan's enormous mouth as he continued to lambast him.

"I've seen her fucking face when she thinks I'm gonna leave her because that's what you fucking did! I've calmed her down when she thinks she's fucking worthless because that's how you fucking made her feel! I've seen her fucking dead! What the fuck are you gonna do with that fancy eye shit, huh?!"

There would definitely be a bruise on Itachi's pectoral in a matter of hours if it wasn't there already. Hidan was jabbing him like he was physically trying to get to his heart with one finger alone.

Part of Itachi wanted to call his bluff. He was confident he could conjure up something worse. He could make Hidan see himself killing her over and over. He could make it so that he'd have to feel the life drain out of her, her fragile neck beneath his fingers, her pulse failing, maybe the popping noise her spine might make.

He could force Hidan to do it despite everything in him screaming to let her go.

But he wouldn't do that. For Itachi to do such a thing, he'd have to imagine it himself in great detail, and that was nothing he wanted to think about, nothing he deemed worth the result, which would just be a drooling Hidan, hardly different from usual.

No, the bigger part of him thought he very much deserved this screaming, spitting punishment, discontented as he was that it had to come from Hidan of all people. He would take it though, it felt like some sort of due recompense.

"You wanna know how fucking scared she was after our first time?" Hidan laughed wildly without humor.

No. No, Itachi really didn't. He also didn't want to think about their first time.

"You should have seen the fucking look on her face. It pisses me the fuck off that you didn't have to fucking look at it. I did. I hope you eat shit, Uchiha. I hope it fills you up until you choke on it, until it comes out of your fucking nose and every stupid fucking hole on your stupid fucking face."

It was certainly quite a visual, as always with Hidan. Perhaps it didn't check off his 'filled with shit' requirement, but the death part would come soon enough. Hidan would be a happy man in less than a year at least.

Itachi had nothing but silence on his side after all of that, though.

Somewhere in the distance Kisame was saying, "oh boy," and rushing over with an Izumi flapping around in his arms.

Itachi knew he probably shouldn't have been shocked by this unhinged explosion on Hidan's part, but he still was. Even more shocking than that… how on earth was he getting verbally cornered by Hidan of all people?

"That's what I fucking thought," Hidan growled, face inches from Itachi's. "I don't want to hear your martyr bullshit anyway, going on about how you fucked her over for her own good. Give me a fucking break. I may be a prick, but at least I don't pretend to be anything else." He punctuated it with a rough shove to Itachi's shoulders, forcing him back against the cliffside.

Izumi was shrieking for them to stop in the distance. Kisame was fast, but going much slower than usual to avoid jostling her guts around too badly. Even so, she looked like a doll bobbing about in his arms.

Hidan fisted into Itachi's shirt to keep him pinned there, his other arm winding back to strike. He held it steady as he spoke, voice descending into a dangerously low register. "Oh, and one last thing, Uchiha. She may not notice the way you still look at her, but I fucking do. You had your shot and you fucked it up. You fucked her up. So consider this your one and onlygoddamn warning, you absolute fucking taint smear."

He'd not been called that one yet–kudos to Hidan for creativity. Itachi braced for impact.

His instinct urged him to obliterate Hidan. Burn him with black flame. Reduce him to a scattered pile of ashes so devoid of life that not even he could come back from it. Alas, he knew better than to do that. Itachi was willing to accept this undeniably deserved punishment after what he'd done, even if he did loathe the fact that it was being delivered by Hidan of all people.

Besides, a hit from Hidan couldn't be that bad, he thought.

It happened fast. Hidan's fist cracked against Itachi's jaw, which in turn did some cracking of its own.

The earth seemed to tip on its axis, all sense of equilibrium lost on impact. It was a swelling, crushing blow. One that put the taste of copper in Itachi's mouth and tested the pain receptors that ran along his jawline–in fine working order. Nerve endings fired in chaotic protest. Ears rang. Vision waned, reducing to areas of light.

As it turned out, a hit from Hidan was much worse than he thought.

The collision of bone on bone had been loud and raw. It paired well with Izumi shrieking for them to cease in the background.

She didn't sound far, but Itachi's already ailing vision was not exactly at peak performance as lights seemed to flash behind his retinas. Had Hidan not had him pinned, he wasn't sure he would have stayed on his feet as his head continued to swim.

Hidan's breath gusted against Itachi's ear. "I'm not gonna stop at one next time, Uchiha."

A/N:

For clarification, in case it was lost in the sauce, Hidan is speaking very callously of Izumi in this and it is NOT AT ALL an indicator of his feelings towards her. He adores her, but this man will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get under Itachi's skin and take any opening he sees, even if that means making one himself.

Hidan IS drama, okay XD I love him but it's true

Anyhow! I know at one point quite a few people were saying Itachi needed a smack upside the head. Welp, this here's the best I can do. Hope that'll tide y'all over.

Soooo are we feeling bad enough for Itachi at this point? Is this enough punishment for his crime? XD

Thanks for reading as always!