The world shook in its frame as I bounced in Kisame's arms, watching Hidan poised to strike Itachi with his fist drawn back.
You leave them alone for three freaking seconds and… seriously?!
In hindsight, I supposed I should have somehow known better, given Hidan's record high disdain for Itachi. Better yet, I probably shouldn't have spilled the beans to begin with.
Too late now.
Far too late, really, as the impact of Hidan's fist on Itachi's face could be heard even over Kisame's pounding footsteps and in between my screaming.
"Shit," Kisame hissed.
Then we were upon them. No time for a gentle stop.
He half set, half tossed me to the side as he continued to rush up. I hit the ground unevenly, unable to catch my balance, falling hard enough to stain my knees and palms green and dig a few rocks into them.
I wasn't worried about that though–just a touch more concerned with Kisame now wrenching Hidan off Itachi like he was a rabid mutt, lifting him into the air by his neck and slamming him into the ground hard enough to crack the earth. Itachi slid down the unhewn stone, slumping unceremoniously against it.
It felt like I was in a nightmare. Like it was all happening in slow motion, yet somehow too fast at the same time.
Itachi was in a daze, vaguely watching from the ground as Kisame's forearm came to bar against Hidan's throat. He roared at him to calm down, stop struggling, but the arm crushing his trachea triggered a wild, defensive response instead, which only made Kisame harsher on him.
He pressed hard. So hard. Enough for the blood vessels in Hidan's face and eyes to begin bursting as he strained against the pressure, spitting and hissing like an adder.
Helpless–more like useless. That was how I felt as I watched, just wanting for it all to stop . To have the strength to pull Kisame off Hidan. To scramble over to Itachi and make sure he was okay.
Oh, Hidan. He looked rabid. I just wanted to take his face into my hands, press my forehead to his. Shush him. Tell him it was okay, whatever it was. Calm him enough to figure out what the heck even happened. His face was screwed up with so much pain as Kisame didn't let up, and so, he in turn did not stop fighting.
My eyes prickled, vision blurring as I watched the pair violently grapple. Between the two of them, Kisame was much larger. In a contest of raw strength, with Hidan on his back and Kisame pinning him down, it was Hidan that had his head slammed repeatedly into the ground–sickening to watch. Especially as a trail of crimson leaked from his ears, painting the grass red.
Hidan seemed entirely uncaring of this as he fought back, clawing at Kisame's grip, teeth bared and bloodied, growling, thumbs moving to find Kisame's eyes and pushing.
So, you gonna do something or what?
Everything in me was telling me to put an end to this madness. Useless as I was, I had to try, right? Right.
"Stop!" I burst out, clamoring to my feet in a rush. "You're hurting him!" And the statement was true regardless of which one I'd meant it for.
Bounding over, I grabbed onto Kisame's shoulder, prying at him with all my might, screaming through my tears for him to stop once more.
Kisame's head whipped to meet my gaze and the look on his face was something I'd never seen or forget. It was not the Kisame I knew–a snarky but gentle giant. Someone who had cared for me on many occasions. It was feral, wild and snarling with razor sharp teeth.
Oh. I'd become complacent. Forgetful. Foolish.
Far too comfortable in my makeshift home with these men to remember what they really were. I'd somehow forgotten I was nothing but an infant wave caught in a savage ocean. Violence was what they knew–an instinct.
Kisame's attempts to calm Hidan were merely roared commands combined with the repetitive smash of his skull against the ground when he didn't listen.
That wasn't how Hidan worked though. Violence would only beget violence with him, and accordingly, he needed a tender hand to soften him. Tender would not be a word I'd associate with Kisame for a very long time.
He bellowed for me to get back, shoving me off with a harsh roll of his shoulder and a swiping arm, voice booming so loud it made me shrink and immediately obey. I staggered back and fell on my ass, shaking hands flying to cover my mouth as I stared wide-eyed, truly terrified of Kisame for the first time since the day I'd met him.
Tears spilled over in excess, my face souring. It felt like my ability to breath was impeded by the knot caught in my throat. I choked out some awful noise in an attempt to get rid of it.
Kisame stared a moment longer, his face dropping with realization and his arm weakening against Hidan's throat.
"Shit. Iz… No, I didn–" He was suddenly cut off by a swath of zipping threads, a hand attached at the end. I'd been so focused on the horrific scene that I hadn't even noticed Kakuzu and Deidara arrive. Lucky was flopping madly behind them, trying to catch up.
Kakuzu was sharp-minded and analytical, and he was quick to put those detachable hands to use, shifting the pieces on this gameboard to his liking. I felt myself being torn back, dragged far away like a little kid that had gotten too close to the action. As soon as Kisame was thrown off balance and onto his back, Kakuzu was yanking a violently coughing Hidan behind him. "What the hell is going on here?!" he growled.
Kisame was up in a flash, and if he still wanted to get to Hidan, that wasn't going to happen. Kakuzu had postured himself between them.
"Your fucking dog got off his leash, that's what!" Kisame growled back, pointing at a groaning Hidan on the ground that held his head like he was trying to push the pieces of his skull back together.
It was so foreign to see Kisame wound up, not a hint of humor to him, chest flaring and muscles tight, fully prepared to use them at any given moment. The tension was building once more. I hated it.
Just breathe.
I hadn't realized I stopped. It felt like I was sucking in huge sheets of air too thick to fit down my throat.
"It's done–over," Kakuzu asserted, and it was finite, leaving no room for deliberation as he held Kisame's gaze unblinkingly. "Focus on your partner, not mine." Itachi was still on the ground but shifting to get up.
Lucky finally caught up them, clumsily leaping atop Hidan and basing himself squarely on his chest, threads raised in alarm like hackles along his back. His mouth fell open, an odd hissing noise emitting from it as he hunkered down, glaring up at Kisame.
Kisame's eyes fell to examine the thing for a brief moment, clearly trying to puzzle it out before shaking it off and staring back at Kakuzu. "It's only over because Itachi had the restraint to not destroy him. You should be fucking thanking him right now, not–"
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Hidan interjected, hoarse and pushing to his feet, grabbing Lucky off him to hold like a suitcase at his side–a hissing, floundering suitcase. "I'd like to see him fucking try!"
"Hidan," Kakuzu warned, his arm shooting out to hold him back.
"Guys, please." The words choked out of me with about as much stopping power as a pillow. There was no way they even heard me from where I was.
Kisame threw his head back with a hearty laugh. "Hidan, you're damn lucky Kakuzu has some sense. If there was one person in this world that could kill you, I'd place my bet on Itachi."
Hidan growled low in his throat, chest expanding against Kakuzu's outstretched arm. His partner shot him a look to stand down before stepping closer to Kisame himself. Voice dropping into a gravelly tenor, low and dangerous, Kakuzu warned, "Hidan may be underestimating Itachi, but you are making the same mistake. Best to drop this."
There was a brief moment of Hidan just staring at Kakuzu in a daze, taken aback by the implication. Hidan never received praise from him. And while it wasn't given directly, merely growled as some vague and fleeting threat to Kisame, it was something. A shred of acknowledgment, and even a distance away I could see him trying to process the rush of pride.
But this only made Kisame laugh harder. Hidan's face twisted as he began slinging threats and insults at the shark man. Kakuzu grounded himself to restrain him. Lucky hissed louder, thrashing about in Hidan's grip. Itachi was now up and approaching which drew Hidan's ire further.
Everything was coming to a head, building faster than my manic heartbeat. I could practically hear the swelling crescendo of ominous music, and when it reached the peak, all hell would break loose. I just knew it. My ability to breathe was lost, merely replaced by useless gasping.
"P-please," I wheezed, feeling like my entire body was overheating.
I couldn't pull my eyes off the nightmare scene which Deidara had now joined, pulling at Hidan's shoulder after Kakuzu barked at him to assist. It was too much yelling. All people I loved, all ready to tear each other's throats out. And over what?
"Guys, stop it!" I pleaded, managing to be louder that time, but so were they, and I was drowned out all the same. Pathetic.
Hands cupping at my elbows, nails digging in as I watched in horror, praying to every God for them to just stop. I knew better than to rely on divine intervention though, and as a rush of chaotic energy bubbled in my gut, I felt far too small to contain it.
Hidan was now actually trying to get past Kakuzu, and when he couldn't, he whipped Lucky at Kisame's face. Lucky seemed ecstatic to be tagged in, instantly shooting his threads out to wrap around Kisame's very thick neck. Chaos ensued, both on the battlefield and inside my skull.
I couldn't allow this to happen. These were my favorite people-my only people.
Red in the face and hands shaking, I shrieked. It burst from me with wretched force, "All of you, STOP IT!"
It was nearly enough to make me lose balance as I stamped my foot against the ground, pounding it with every ounce of effort I had boiling inside me. Earth fractured and shook. A hairline shocked through the terrain like lightning, striking straight toward and zipping between the opposing Akatsuki members.
It started as a fine line beneath my heel, barely there, a mere crack in the shell. But with a sudden deafening noise, it split wide, tremors railing through the earth as it opened up.
So maybe I'd accidentally created a massive fissure with a hefty side of earthquake. Good. If this was how I needed to separate them, then so be it. I didn't have time to be shocked by my own actions.
Maybe later.
Yes, later I would look back on this and wonder how the heck I managed that, but for now I sunk my chakra into it, partially remembering what I'd learned, partially letting my body do as it pleased. Focusing on the gathering and flow of it, I gritted my teeth and twisted my heel into the ground.
Pouring out every. last. drop.
When the earth stopped shaking, all eyes–wide as they were–fell on me. A chasm now spanned between them. Hidan, Kakuzu and Deidara on one side. Lucky, Kisame and Itachi on the other.
They probably could have jumped it, shinobi and all, but their focus was no longer on murdering each other. It was on me.
Welp. That's one way to get their attention.
And now that I had it, I had some things to say. "You guys are acting like children! Fighting? Really?!" my voice broke from effort as I screamed at them, gesturing wildly, breathing even more wildly. The ground continued to shake with residual tremors as I spiraled into a tantrum.
Kisame cleared his throat in preparation to say something. Hidan was sputtering to rebuttal, still clearly reeling from the present situation. "He fucking–"
"I don't care what he fucking did!" I blared, choking partway through and ending on a sob. More earth crumbled as if to echo my sanity.
Whoa.
Everyone went dead silent. Deidara gaped and leaned into Hidan whispering, "Did… did Izumi just drop the F-bomb?"
Hidan slowly nodded with a thick swallow. They all just stared at my huffing, crying form as I screamed my lungs out the infamous convicted criminals for misbehaving a la fist fight.
It might have been comical under different circumstances. But right then? No. It really wasn't funny. They all looked on as if witnesses to a long-dormant volcano suddenly and unexpectedly erupting with fury.
"I c-can't have you all fighting like this! I–" My head felt all swimmy and my legs like tubes of jelly. I shook it off, hands raking through my hair. Earth continued to crack haphazardly, the gorge still growing with my anger. "I just got back!" I screeched, rubbing my too-hot face, swiping at the torrential downpour of angry tears. "I just got back…" it came out again, more desperate and pleading that time, choking off at the end. "Can't things be… o-okay?! For like t-two seconds? Please?"
Throwing my arms up in frustration, I swayed for a moment, which had all of the guys shouting at me, rushing over to the edge of the crater. They were all yelling over each other and it was hard to make out what they were saying, but it all seemed to be variations of the same thing.
"Baby, don't move!"
"Whoa stand still!"
"Stay where you are!"
"Izumi, please."
"Hey, kiddo, hold on!"
I stared at them in a daze, then down at the ground. There wasn't much of it.
Suddenly I realized what they were going on about as I found myself standing on a precariously narrow column of earth in the center of the chasm. One step in any direction would have sent me careening into its depths.
"Oh," I murmured. The effects of my outburst were hitting hard, energy sapping out of me, and suddenly I just wanted to take a nice nap. Looking back up at a shouting Hidan who had one hand fisted into his hair and the other slapping Kakuzu's shoulder, everything seemed to be at a slant, my vision blurring at the edges.
"I don't, um…" it was hard to keep a train of thought going with everything being so darn fuzzy. "Don't feel too good?" I finished with a mumble.
So sleepy… we take a good slee–
Perspective: The guys
"Get her get her get her!" Kisame was shouting from across the split. Hidan was yelling something in the same vein, still smacking wildly at Kakuzu's shoulder.
"I am!" Kakuzu growled, his hands already flying out as Izumi's puffy red eyes fluttered to a close. She had swayed and clipped back, only there was no 'back'. Her foot connected with nothing, and had Kakuzu's hands not wrapped around her as she began to freefall, the gorge was deep enough to not see the bottom and splat would have explained it well enough.
As soon as Izumi was yanked back to the safety of solid ground, Kakuzu grunted out Hidan's name and it was like they were back in their routine when she was in a coma. Hidan's name said like that was an order to assist, and Hidan immediately complied, sinking down to the ground.
Deidara came up from behind, his hand gripping Hidan's shoulder as he stared down at Izumi's limp body being laid out with her head resting on Hidan's legs.
"Is she okay?! What's wrong with her?!" Hidan was frantic in swiping the hair from her face.
"Would you give me a second?" Kakuzu scowled, doing what he could to maintain his composure enough for the both of them. With chakra laden hands, he sunk to his knees and began hastily checking her vitals.
By that point Kisame and Itachi had leapt across the gap to join Deidara and Hidan in watching Kakuzu carefully inspect Izumi.
"Why does she always have to be unconscious…" Itachi muttered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, and the sentiment was shared amongst the group. Whatever angry fervor had driven them all to battle before had since been replaced by the collective desire to just see this girl be okay.
Kakuzu breathed out. There was some relief in it.
"Well?!" Hidan was quick to question. "She's not comatose again, is sh–"
"She's fine. Chakra depletion. It was just too much for her all at once–remember she's still early in recovery from the last incident."
Hidan let out a shaky breath, mumbling, "Yeah, I remember…" as he folded over to rest his forehead against her.
Kisame ran a shaky hand through his hair, looking behind them to survey the damage. Itachi stood at his side mirroring him. They shared a dumbfounded expression, eyes traveling from end to end of the newly created canyon. It was enormous, and with one glance at the tiny girl it came from, there was nothing but shame.
A trench cutting through the earth in such a fashion was not at all unusual in the context of a battle between shinobi. But that was not the case. This was the raw essence of Izumi's frustration. A physical manifestation of her concerns–her pain.
Her pain caused by them. Shameful.
To think how she must have felt to be driven far enough to literally split the earth to save them from each other… to pour her entire being into it, shake the ground without a care for own well-being just to stop them.
On second thought, shameful barely scratched the surface.
"It's okay, baby girl. I'm right here." Hidan was whispering to her nonstop, smoothing her hair, rubbing her arms. "I'm right next to you. I have you in my arms, okay? If you can feel me, I'm not letting go. You're gonna be fucking fine, I promise."
"Hidan, she's not in a coma, just passed out. She can't hear you," Kakuzu reminded.
"How the fuck do you know?!" he snapped, and it might have come off as anger if the fear wasn't so present in his eyes.
It made Kakuzu hesitate in his reaming. Instead he took a deep breath and expelled it with a huff. "Because I have studied it well. Just trust me for once, Hidan."
Hidan's mouth was taut and thin as he stared down at Izumi's inert form. It curved into a deeper scowl even as he nodded, like he was trying and failing to believe Kakuzu's words.
"She just…" he cut himself off. Something to do with a lump in his throat. With a hard swallow he managed to press on. "It was really hard on her, y'know? Like it can't happen again. It seriously can't."
And when Hidan said it was hard on Izumi, that was true, but Kakuzu read between the lines enough to know he was talking about more than just her that couldn't handle it again.
"Hidan." Kakuzu's voice took on a serious, even tenor, and he laid a hand on his shoulder. "She is fine. It's over-expenditure of chakra. She needs rest. That's all."
Hidan looked between Izumi's peaceful, slack expression, up to Kakuzu, and back to her, nodding once more with a little less mania. "Yeah… Yeah, okay."
"Shit, dude," Deidara whispered, shaking Hidan by the shoulder to get his attention. His eyes darted up to see Deidara's wide and fixed ahead. Following the line of sight, he landed on Pain who was standing across the chasm, eyeing it with a ticked brow.
"Fuck," Hidan agreed under his breath as he gathered Izumi into his arms and stood, muttering, "Pretty sure he doesn't want her fucking around like that." This was about to become a whole thing.
"Hm. Don't worry, I got this, yeah?" Deidara murmured with an assuring back pat before skipping up to the opposite side of the ledge. "Hey there, Boss!" he shouted across with a wave. "Nice day, yeah?"
"For an earthquake, apparently," he replied curtly. "Would someone care to explain this?" Pain gestured to the massive split in the earth. There was a brief look exchanged between the others, and it was evident that no, no cared to explain it at all.
"I uh, I think it's called a chasm," Deidara offered so genuinely it should have been illegal.
Pain deadpanned. "Yes, Deidara. Thank you. And how did the chasm get here?"
Another awkward glance. No one wanted to snitch on Izumi. It wasn't as if she was suspiciously unconscious, drained of chakra and dangling between Hidan's arms or anything.
Kisame stepped up, putting on a smile and rubbing the back of his neck as he peered down into the fissure. "Hm, we haven't been at this base long. You sure it wasn't like this before?"
"Positive."
"That's so weird, because I could have sworn this was here the other day…"
Pain's patience was wearing thin, as evidenced by the tightening of his eyes which shot to Kakuzu. "Kakuzu. I trust you have the sense to tell me what's going on here."
Kakuzu glanced sidelong at Deidara and Kisame, silently seething over the fact that they'd started one of the stupidest ruses he'd ever been dragged into. Stepping up to the cavity's edge, feigning an interest in examining it, he was short and stoic in answering, "It does seem familiar."
Kisame gave him a lowkey approving look and Kakuzu did all he could not to scoff. Imbeciles, all of them. Meanwhile Pain looked like he was ready to disband The Akatsuki right then and there. Glancing at Izumi's body flopped between Hidan's arms, then the gorge, he sighed. "Izumi made the hole, didn't she?"
There was a collective muttering amongst them in realizing the jig was up, admitting yes, Izumi might have made the hole.
"But it wasn't her fault," Itachi added quickly. He'd been so quiet and standing in Kisame's shadow that Pain hadn't paid him any mind before.
"Itachi," he addressed, scrutinizing him with a squint from the other side. "What happened to your face?"
"I was… sparring," he lied, knowing full well that he looked like a swollen, bruised mess. People didn't usually go for the face like that in a simple spar.
Pain raised a brow at Kisame.
"Hey, don't look at me. I didn't do that shit," Kisame denied with a flippant wave of his hand gesturing to Hidan. It took all of about half a second for Pain's eyes to land on the reddened knuckles curling around Izumi.
"Hidan landed a punch on you, Itachi?" Pain inquired, his eyebrow cocked nearly into his hairline
"Hey, don't sound so fuckin' surprised!" Hidan yelled over Kisame's snickering.
Kakuzu shot him a commanding look. "Hidan, do not get riled up while you're carrying her." Hidan scowled with begrudging submission, kicking at a loose rock with a scoff.
"Speaking of which," Pain began, a cold severity to both his expression and his cadence. "I'd like to know how she managed this chasm… and why she's like that yet ag–" he halted, snapping his eyes down to see some creature happily tying his ankles together with messy threads pouring from its mouth. It seemed to mindlessly bumble about like it had a song stuck in its head.
"What is this…" Pain asked, impassive and trying awkwardly to step out of the threads which were actually quite thick and fibrous.
"Oh yeah!" Kisame interjected, "I was kinda wondering the same thing. Seemed like a bad time to ask earlier, but uh, yeah, the fuck is that?"
Kakuzu sighed. "It's one of my hearts. It can't live inside me anymore so get used to it."
"Ohhh, gotcha." Kisame nodded, appraising the little bugger. "Kinda small, no?"
Kakuzu waved a dismissive hand in the air. "It's not one of my main hearts. It's not even human. Remember that fish?"
"Ohhh from the festival?!" Deidara chimed in.
"So it's not a dog, interesting…" Kisame mused to himself. Itachi squinted at him.
Pain was doing what looked like a funny little dance as he tried to untangle his ankles from the persistent critter's threads. "Kakuzu," he called out, an order for him to call off his dog so-to-speak.
"Yeah," Kakuzu confirmed to Deidara, glossing over Pain's predicament. "Back in Jomae"
Itachi hummed, analyzing the creature. "That's very interesting. Have you developed an animal heart like this before?"
Kakuzu shook his head.
"Kinda cute," Kisame speculated thoughtfully. "Those threads really are a bitch though, little fucker got my neck earlier."
Kakuzu scoffed, "I don't have much control over it." It was the closest to an apology Kisame would get.
Kisame just laughed, still watching the thing fuck with an increasingly perturbed Pain. "Yeah it's fine, looks like he's just having his fun–"
"Kakuzu ," Pain growled, gesturing impatiently at the beast.
"Fun is a word for it. And don't tell Izumi it's cute, she doesn't need the validation," Kakuzu muttered to Kisame who laughed loud enough to drown out the breathy amusement snorting out of Itachi.
"You should probably do something about it," Itachi suggested casually.
"Probably," Kakuzu agreed with a sigh. "Come here, creature," he finally ordered without much enthusiasm. It paused and stared at Kakuzu with those hollow, bulbous eyes before going right back to being a little shit.
"Maybe you gotta use his name," Hidan said, stepping up from behind.
"It has a name?" Kisame asked, head cocked at Kakuzu who groaned with frustration and gestured to Izumi. It was explanation enough.
"Oh, yeah!" Deidara said. "Iz was showing him around before. It's Lucky, right?"
"Yeah!" Hidan laughed. "Izumi named him. You should have been there when I first saw the little dude. Thought it was a fucking animal or something, nearly punted it into oblivi–"
"Whatever it is, call it off now before I see that it leaves this world," Pain yelled over to them.
With a look of disdain, Kakuzu called out the name 'Lucky' and the response was as immediate as it was hyperactive and lacking in coordination. He jerked his head to look over at Kakuzu, padded his flippers on the ground excitedly and promptly leapt off the edge of the cliff.
It did not come anywhere close to making the jump.
"Shit," Deidara winced as it tumbled into the abyss, happy as a clam. Kisame and Itachi both cringed, peering over the edge trying to see the damage.
"Fuck!" Hidan shouted, hugging Izumi against him tightly as he looked too, groaning, "Aw shit, Izumi's gonna be so upset."
Kakuzu pulled a hand down his face. It wasn't the end of the world, but yes, it was an inconvenience, and yes, Izumi would be so upset.
Pain, who didn't look the least bit thrown by the turn of events, leapt over the crevice to join the others. "Why is Izumi unconscious?" he asked, blunt and to the point, beyond frustrated by all the distractions.
"Because she's an idiot," Kakuzu answered in a way he felt was both vague and truthful. It seemed to suffice for Pain.
"Fine. I'm going to forget about the chasm for now," he said, patience tested and gone. "You two," he nodded toward Hidan and Kakuzu, "Come with me for debriefing. I trust something came out of that job.
Hidan quietly mocked Pain when he wasn't looking and Deidara snorted out a laugh.
"Deidara." Pain redirected his attention and Deidara snapped upright, straightening out. "You seem bored. Take the girl inside. I also need to speak with Kisame and Itachi."
Deidara glanced to Hidan whose eyes were already on him. They exchanged an interesting look, like Hidan was appraising Deidara and Deidara was seeking approval.
"Do you mind?" Deidara ended up asking even though it had been an order, arms out and ready to take Izumi who was currently drooling against Hidan's chest. Hidan looked down at her, then at Deidara, the struggle of letting her go written all over his face.
The last time he left her with someone else, it didn't go so well.
Pain's eyes narrowed upon the two. "Is there a problem here?"
"No," Hidan spat.
"Hey man, I'll take good care of her, yeah?" Deidara assured, and with a scowling nod, Hidan handed her over.
"Yeah, you fucking bette–," Hidan halted mid-sentence to balk at the thing floating out from the chasm. "What in the actual fuck?"
"You have got to be shitting me," Kakuzu murmured, looking like he could not be any more done.
Lucky, surrounded by a big shiny bubble, crested up over the edge, flippers padding wildly as if he were in a giant hamster ball.
"Holy shit, the little dude has bubble release ?!" Kisame exclaimed, laughing.
Kakuzu just stared, gritting out his answer, "Apparently."
"That's quite impressive, Kakuzu," Itachi mused. "Extremely rare."
It was an absurdly rare jutsu, as Itachi pointed out, and Kakuzu cursed his luck. Of course he would manage to create the most annoying heart creature known to man, only to have it end up with an inordinate talent. Now he really couldn't destroy it on a whim.
Everyone watched as Lucky scrabbled along in the air until he floated above Kakuzu. The bubble popped and he thunked down atop his head with a happy warbling noise.
After a brief moment of silence and Kakuzu wearing a chirping Lucky like a hat, everyone but Pain burst out laughing. Even Itachi managed a little chuckle. The juxtaposition of the blissfully happy creature clinging atop the severely disgruntled face of Kakuzu was, in a word, ridiculous .
"Holy shit, I can't believe Iz missed that," Deidara cried, literal tears rolling down his cheeks as Lucky began leaking threads from his rear end down the back of Kakuzu's shirt.
Kakuzu stood there with a deep grimace and resigned himself to simply leave, directing Lucky to go with Izumi after tearing him off and spiking him into the ground. Lucky perked at the command, unfazed by the assault and launching after her and Deidara. Pain seemed to greatly appreciate this and ordered the others to follow him.
There in the meeting room, Kakuzu went over the mission details that he thought prudent–so no mentions of a brothel or his daughter–and Pain seemed pleased enough with the progress Izumi made. Itachi and Kisame listened as well, having been instructed that because of the success, they would likely be the next ones needing to bring her somewhere–barring complications.
"Hell yeah!" Kisame cheered. "Been forever since we've taken the little bean anywhere!" He was nudging Itachi in the ribs with an excited elbow like he should have been dancing on the table or something.
Regardless of any fluttering anticipation Itachi may have felt, there was no need to make a spectacle out of it. "When will that happen?" he asked.
"That depends on the next step. You'll need to schedule sessions with her, see if you can't put that sharingan to use. Siphon some more memories out of her using your infinite tsukiyomi and try to pin down a general location or even a region–anything helpful."
Itachi nodded, silently taking note of how Hidan seemed to seethe with a less than discrete glare from across the table. Surely he wasn't happy that Itachi would be taking the next leg of this race. Apparently that punch didn't get everything out of his system after all.
Hidan's legs bounced chaotically for the entire length of the meeting and he fidgeted with a kunai until Kakuzu took it away. He'd accidentally stabbed a little too deep without noticing–mind elsewhere–and Pain wasn't thrilled with the amount of blood getting all over the table. On the bright side it did make him wrap up more quickly.
Once adjourned, Itachi half-expected Hidan to lunge across the table in an attempt to kill him outright considering the looks he'd been giving, but no. His chair was squealing beneath him, nearly falling over as he tore from the room. It quickly became obvious.
He needed to see her.
Hidan rushed through the labyrinth of hallways with a ridiculous swagger, only halting his warpath upon the sight of her. It froze him in the living room entryway, leaning against it to take in the scene. One blanket-wrapped, sleeping Izumi rested her head on a couple pillows propped in Deidara's lap. His hand was on her shoulder, thumb idly rubbing as he read through some scrolls. Lucky was curled into a ball atop her belly like a little guard dog.
Deidara met Hidan's gaze and answered the wordless question written all over his face. "She's okay."
"Yeah?"
He nodded and kept his voice down. "She woke up at one point, was real worried about you. Tired herself out crying though, fell asleep after a bit."
Hidan sighed, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. He pushed off the doorframe and strode over, carefully shifting her legs to sit beneath them. "You at least comforted her, I fucking hope."
Diedara sneered, pulling his head back enough for a few chins. "The fuck do you think I am? The fuck do you think this is?" he gestured to her snoozing form comfortably using him as a pillow.
"Hey I'm just checkin', man."
"Yeah, of course I did. Damn. And it's some risky ass business, by the way. If I comfort her too much, am I gonna end up with your fist in my face?"
"Pffft," Hidan sputtered, cracking a grin. "Two things. One–that ain't why I pushed his shit in. And B–I ain't worried about you."
Deidara laughed with a shake of his head. "God you're a dick. What the hell does she see in you, man?"
Hidan laughed too, throwing his head back onto the couch cushion. He just shrugged, blowing a raspberry into the air. "Don't know. Don't care. But I can tell you this, I ain't fuckin' a gift horse in the mouth." Izumi grumbled at this in her sleep before falling back into a soft, snoring rhythm.
"Dude… tell me you know that's not the fucking phrase."
Hidan just grinned, lolling his head to look over at him, not saying one way or the other.
Deidara snorted, "Idiot."
"Lucky for me, that's her type," Hidan said, looking down at her fondly. "Hm. If that's true though, maybe I oughta be more worried about you than I thought."
"Yeah, fuck you too," he bit back with no teeth, eyes dropping down to Izumi as well. Deidara looked contemplative as he opened his mouth to speak, but clapped it shut, thinking better of it.
"What ?" Hidan asked, raising a brow.
With an unsure tilt to his lips, Deidara looked up at him with a hum. "Mm… nah, forget it."
"C'mon. You have shit to say. I see it all over your smarmy face. Go on, I can take it."
"Ya know, normally I'd say you'd be right," he admitted with a chuckle. "But it wasn't really shit, yeah? Mighta been too nice, actually."
"Aw what the fuck," Hidan complained as quietly as he could. "Now you gotta tell me. I got like one person that says nice shit to me, c'mon man."
The two stared at each other in a stand off until Deidara let out a hefty sigh. "Fine."
"Yessss!" Hidan hissed victoriously, rubbing Izumi's legs in anticipation. "Okay, hit me with it. Give me that good shit."
"Dude, you are way overestimating what I consider nice. I was just gonna say I don't hate it, ya know."
Hidan stared, brows pinched, waiting for some kind of clarification as to what the fuck that meant.
"This," Deidara motioned between Izumi and Hidan. "It's better than that other douchecanoe. Guy got what he deserved if you ask me."
Hidan smirked. "Oh, you're talkin' bout the punch."
Deidara laughed. "That shit was wild. Dude folded like a lawn chair."
"Wild, yeah," Hidan mused, looking indulgent in his recollection. "He didn't really get what he deserved though. Got off fucking easy as far as I'm concerned."
"Oh? What'd he do anyway?"
"You seriously don't know?"
"Nah… Gossip was Sasori's deal. He'd be the one to tell me shit before, so now… well, you know." He grimaced but pulled his face together before it could give anything away. Or so he hoped.
"Damn. Yeah, that's right. Sorry, by the way. Don't think I ever said it."
Deidara snorted. "Yeah. Thanks. You didn't even like him."
Hidan shrugged. "Didn't hate him either. That's better than most."
"True," he sighed. "Yeah, not gonna lie it's kinda rough without him. Barely any gossip."
"Alright well since you're looking all pathetic about it, I'll fill you in. Give you the rough cut," Hidan said, lowering his voice to barely a whisper. "But before I do, I need you to just look at her."
Deidara blinked, giving Hidan a skeptical look before shifting down to Izumi who was looking just as she had moments before. "Okay…? Now what?"
"She's fucking adorable, right?" Hidan asked almost angrily.
"Yeah, obviously. We all know that."
"Yeah, but I mean really look at her, man!"
"What're you trying to do, rub it in? Like, I get it, you're dating her now. You won. Whatever, I'm over it."
"No, no, no–well? I mean, that doesn't suck to hear," he snorted with an arrogant little smirk. "Not the point though."
Deidara clicked his tongue, looking like he might throttle Hidan's neck any second now. "Well by all means, don't let me stop you from making it."
"Yeah, yeah. The point is, just look at her sleeping. Okay? Now, imagine you just slept with her for the first time and she's like this in your bed after."
Deidara deadpanned. "Hey asshole. I'm having a really hard time seeing how you can say this isn't rubbing it in."
Hidan bit his lip, trying not to laugh, holding up a hand for Deidara to be patient. "Okay yeah, but then, imagine picking her up, walking her out here and dumping her on the fucking couch."
"Wait–what?"
"Yeah. Imagine she's had such a fucking crush on you, and you take her fucking virginity before just…" Hidan shrugged incredulously, squeezing gently at Izumi's ankles, "just tossing her out here to wake up alone wondering what the fuck happened."
"No way," Deidara hissed, snapping down to look at Izumi again, pushing an errant hair from her face.
Hidan nodded, "Yeah way. Dude is a fucking S-class dildo.
"What the fuck!"
"Mhmm. And when she worked up the nerve to ask about it, the dude shit stomped her hard. Really messed her up, man."
Deidara shook his head, cringing at the thought and muttering, "Fucking Uchiha..."
"Yep. So like I said, he didn't really get what he deserved."
"At least he got something," Deidara murmured, rubbing Izumi's shoulder like he could somehow offer some retroactive comfort. "So how good did it feel?" He tilted his head to regard Hidan, a grin stretching across his face.
Hidan snorted, letting his head lean back and eyes flutter shut like he was high. "Fucking incredible."
The two tried hard to stifle their laughs, the memory of Itachi getting decked in the face apparently beyond hilarious to them. Not even Kakuzu's stern look was enough to stop them as he entered the room.
"That was an idiotic stunt you pulled today, Hidan," he reprimanded as he scrutinized Izumi from across the room.
Hidan rolled his eyes. "How long you been there?"
"Long enough."
"Pft, then don't act like you don't get it," Hidan sneered and Kakuzu ignored him expertly, shooing Lucky off the girl in order to give her a quick once over. The little beast floundered sleepily into Hidan's lap and plopped back down. Hidan barely seemed to notice as he launched right back into bitching about Itachi Uchiha.
"And get this, he's tryin' to play it off like it was for her own good. I don't fucking get it."
Deidara pulled a face. "Right? Like yeah, you don't deserve her either, but that's not stopping you."
"Fuck no it isn't!" Hidan doubled down with a startling amount of confidence. "Here's the thing, I fucking know she's too good for me. Only thing it makes me wanna do is be better though. Not fucking shit all over her."
"Damn dude," Deidara said, looking Hidan over thoughtfully. "I didn't even know you were capable of thinking that kinda thing."
Hidan laughed. "Hey, fuck you. But like, yeah… to be fair I didn't really know either."
"She's funny like that."
"She's also exhausted," Kakuzu cut in, reminding them he was there as he straightened out after finishing the impromptu wellness check. "Hidan, why don't you take her to bed."
No one argued that it was time to end that day. Lucky followed Hidan and Izumi into her room, curling up at the foot of the bed as Hidan crawled under the blankets beside the woman he tucked in so carefully.
"...Hidan?" Her voice came out soft and delirious, crackling from sleep.
"Shh, go back to bed, baby girl," Hidan whispered, pushing a kiss to her the crook of her jaw and squeezing her gently from behind. "I'll be right here when you wake up."
She promptly glossed over everything he said as she began processing that she was in bed beside him. "Hidan... Hidan, are you okay!?" her tenor spiked with the urgency of finally getting to ask the question she'd been sitting on for hours.
He never could figure out why she worried about him like that. "Still immortal, sweetheart. So yeah, I'm okay."
"I didn't ask if you were alive. You can be alive without being okay," she argued tiredly, shifting around in his grasp to face him. "You really scared me today..."
He pinched his eyes shut, hating the disappointment in her voice. "How about we talk about it in the morning. I really want you to rest, baby," Hidan murmured, kissing her forehead and pulling her into his chest with big, sweeping backrubs.
"Okay… tomorrow. Promise?" she grumbled, nuzzling further between his pecs that cradled her face.
"I know I was bad today... I'm gonna make it up to you. I promise."
She nodded, saying goodnight, that she loved him, kissing across his chest. It was something he desperately needed to be assured of and he absolutely reveled in her affection.
"Love you, sweetheart," he murmured into her hair. "So fucking much... I really am gonna make it up to you. Gonna take you on a date. A real one. Just like normal people. You and me, alright? None of this drama. That sound okay to you?"
She made a muffled noise into his chest and he decided it meant fuck yes. It was a thought that popped into his head randomly, that he wanted to take her out. Of course he'd vocalized it the second it fired off in his brain, and he now laid awake wondering what the hell normal people even did on dates. He'd figure it out though. A problem for future Hidan.
A/N:
THANK YOU FOR READING!
Poor Izumi who hates conflict is stuck with all these dramatic boys. I tell you what. Luckily she is also very forgiving :3
As always, I am a giant starving maw that loves to be fed with thoughts, theories and comments (or CONCERNS?) I appreciate all you readers still with me!
