Kindred

By Sweetprincipale

Dedicated to: stuff'n'nonsense, kyanaM, sjwheelhan, Darkhrt101,Mother Willson, 666, pgoodrichboggs, jbu1810, Slayerette16, Pentastic, Jackiemack916,The Three March Hares, omslagspapper, Teatime Turbulence, Brokenblackrose89, subchan, squeeface, and the kind guest reviewers. Also, thank you to the kind readers who are continuing to buy my original fiction on Amazon. The sequel to CrossRealms: Shattered, CrossRealms: Mended by S.C. Principale is out on Kindle and in paperback. Happy smutty reading!

Part XIV

"Are you sure we're not going to wake her up?"

"She's non-sleepy Buffy. She can't get the mystical mocha out of her system until Spike- I mean, whoever is helping her- breaks Dracula's hold. It's so creepy," Willow's voice had dropped to a whisper as they drove from campus to Buffy's house.

"The Spike thing or the Dracula thing?"

"Both, kind of, but mainly Dracula. I mean, whoever is helping Buffy- and it's NOT Spike," Willow's voice wobbled as she told what she believed to be a lie, "is doing a kind, helpful thing which Buffy asked for. Dracula - okay, yes Buffy had trouble resisting him and she did do some things because she was curious, but she never, ever agreed to this whole 'hold' thing. It's ooky. It's like metaphysical coercion, or extortion, or- or date rape," Willow shuddered heartily.

Tara was silent, fingers kneading the skirt on her lap. "When Riley gets mad at her over this, I can't - I can't seem to remember how awesome he's been to her, or the way he helped you with Oz, or even how much fun he was to hang out with at the beach. All I can think is- he's blaming the victim. He kept thinking she was into vampires in a sexual way. That's like any woman who has a boyfriend saying they are okay with any male being - b-being physical with them. She had one relationship with one vampire. Not all of them. You don't have a werewolf fetish, do you?"

"No!" Willow shook her head, nose wrinkling. "Some majorly unpleasant werewolves in my experience…"

"It bugs me! For someone with such book smarts, all his 'training', to act so stubbornly ignorant." Tara displayed an unusual show of temper, tiny white sparks suddenly sprinkling from her fingertips.

"I know, Baby. It bugs Buffy, too. Riley has to get his head out of his regulation hiney and realize that Buffy had one relationship, with one individual, or he's the one who's going to end up in the ex category." Willow parked the car in Buffy' driveway and they carried the pendant and three coffees (one decaf) to the front door.

"You're sure we shouldn't have called first?" Tara asked, fist poised above the door.

"Tara? Do you recognize that coat?"

"Buffy's jacket? Oh. The one next to it. Spike's."

They exchanged glances. "That- that doesn't have to mean anything," Willow said resolutely. "Sometimes he comes over. Has information. Yep. If anyone asks- he was just over here checking in, informing on local demon badness."

"Riley's out of town, right?"

"Thank goodness," Willow whisked the coat into her arms, gagged at the malodorous scent coming from it, and pounded on the door.


"Soldier Boy?" Spike, who had finally dozed off around sunup, now jerked away guiltily. Not guilty about what they'd done, guilty he'd fallen asleep when he should have kept watch. Watch against what and how effectively, he didn't know, it was just the thought behind the action that mattered. The thought of Finn hurting him- that was bad. But now it was tinged with something worse. If I die before it's done, she'll never get free.

And I won't be with her anymore.

"Stay here, get dressed," Buffy answered automatically, going from zonked and peacefully resting to battle stations in seconds. "He's supposed to be out of town!"

"He's supposed to be a supportive, evolved college-boy, too," Spike scoffed. "And get dressed in what? My togs are in your dryer. Switched 'em after our shower."

"Gripe later, hide now," Buffy seized a sundress from her closet and threw it on over her head.

"Bite!" Spike hissed, grabbing his slightly damp towel from last night and wrapping it around his waist.

"Oh!" Buffy made a flustered sound and yanked a scarf from a drawer and tied it on over her telltale marks. "Not my best outfit, but it'll do," she winced at the unsightly combination of pink paisley dress and orange silk scarf before thundering down the stairs.

Oh, thank God. Buffy sagged in relief and flung open the door. "Will! Tara! Hi, I- oh man. Did that thing slime you, too?" Buffy covered her nose as the smell hit her.

"This was on your porch. But does that mean… Wait- is Spike okay? Did he get- like- is this all that's left?" Willow looked at the coat with sudden horror. She didn't love Spike or anything, but she'd gotten used to him. Not having him around would be jarring, at least for a while.

"Huh? Oh. No, we patrolled. I couldn't sleep. You know. Antsy. I uh- I thought maybe I'd take him along for backup since I'm not entirely at my best."

"Stinky slime monster?" Willow looked around, trying to figure out where to put the object in question.

"Yeah. I'll put it outside for when he- comes back. He must've left it here. It's definitely," she coughed, "potent."

"Deiectionem!" Tara flinched as the coat passed her and uttered a short exclamation, aimed at the garment.

"Whoa. That's- amazing. Tara, you could run the best dry cleaning business in the world! It's clean!" Buffy held it up and inhaled. "Beyond clean, it's like brand new! It doesn't even smell like him anymore. No little traces of smoke and bourbon, no smell of his hair and -" I am totally hugging his coat while inhaling it, talking about the scent of him. And they're staring. Big, big-eyed staring. "It-it's very clean. Nice job." She handed it back a little too quickly.

"It's just a little spell. But great idea. If college doesn't work out, dry cleaning would be lucrative," Tara laughed softly. "Coffee? Sorry, we didn't know he- was here. Is he here?"

Buffy hesitated.

"Buffy," Willow said a speech in one word. It meant, "Don't bother lying, we figured it out, and you're safe."

Buffy's face closed over. "Riley will kill him. Willow, please…"

"Not a word. Wicca's oath."

"Wicca's oath," Tara seconded.

"I'll be right back. Can you guys close the drapes?"

Buffy went into the kitchen, down to the basement, and back up with an armful of clothes, ignoring their shocked glances. "Slime monster. We did laundry, no big."

"Right, no big." Tara and Willow nodded their agreement.

When Buffy was gone, they huddled. "This is so not the plan! We agreed on avoiding him so we could be honest if Riley asked us anything."

"W-we took a Wiccan oath. We are bound to it. We'll be fine," Tara said staunchly, although now intensely uncomfortable at the thought of meeting up with Riley - for multiple reasons. She tended to shut down around loud, yelling males, courtesy of her childhood. But for her new family, she could be strong. "We can do it."

"We can do it," Willow rejoined.

They shifted from foot to foot, hesitating in the foyer.

Tara gave her a bemused look. "What's he wearing?"

"I'm sure he has - something on."

"Of course! Right. I'm sure! Maybe some of Riley's stuff that was here."

"Xander left some clothes here. All of our stuff is at everyone's places. It's a Scooby thing."

Neither of them felt like saying Xander or Riley would explode at the thought of Spike lounging about in their clothes. Well, Riley would. Xander would grump, but had already had that happen when Spike was forced to be his reluctant houseguest.

But it was much better than the other nagging thought that was bouncing around unspoken.

Why would a naked Spike be upstairs in Buffy's house first thing in the morning?

"He couldn't go home without clothes. Even at night. And at night- hey, that's prime time for vampires. Plus, if he's helping her and they're… close, it's no big deal for him to spend a few hours here," Willow rambled, pacing in front of her wide-eyed girlfriend.

Tara shook her head. "No, of course not."

"She'll probably hand him his things through the door. Of the guest bedroom."

"Absolutely."

"We should stop thinking about this now."

"So much yes."


"It's not him?" Spike poked his head out from the spare room as he heard her footsteps and only hers approach. "It's the witches?"

"They know you're here." She handed him his clothes, and he dropped the towel he was wearing.

"You told them?" He looked aggrieved then angry as he slid on his jeans.

"No, your coat told them. We left it outside on the porch."

"Oh. Well, you could've said I left it."

"I did." Buffy pulled him across the way, into her room, and hugged him tightly. "They fixed your coat. It smells brand new. Doesn't even smell like you anymore." She inhaled, head pressed to his chest.

"Oh, don't," he whispered, feeling her warmth press up against him. "Don't talk about scents and tastes. Vamps are predators."

"So are slayers. We just have different types of prey," Buffy whispered looking up at him, eyes wide and dark.

"Yeah, they do. You snared me, Baby."

"Not trapped?"

"Beyond willing to go with you. What'cha going to do with me now that you'd got me?" He winked, hands coming down to press her closer to him, soft, firm rear in his hands, soft, firm breasts to his chest.

"Hmmm. I could use a hunting partner. Or I might just eat you all up."

"Holy sweet… fuck, Buffy…" She knew everything to say to him. How? How, when a week ago she was the most annoying thing on the planet?

"They won't tell, Spike. You know them. They're good. Really good. And- they care about me. They don't want you to get hurt. They know I care about you, too."

"What do I say?" He looked like a man about to be led to his own execution.

I would never let them hurt him. Nothing comes between my kindred and me. Those words wended through her mind, but they felt far too possessive. Must be his hold winning out.

And that fact that I love him.

Her voice was soft, yet steely. "That you're my cure. You don't have to say much at all."


"I f-fixed your coat," Tara held it out to him, eyes wavering between his face and the floor, mainly ending up on the floor.

"Ta. Tara, isn't it?"

"Tara."

"Sorry, I always think of you as 'Red's bird' in my head. No offense."

"It's okay. We always talk about you as the 'chipped vampire'." Buffy gave him a saccharine smile that earned her a glare. "No offense."

"None taken." He glowered. Gonna make her pay for that. He growled slightly and she merely tilted her head, swallowing him up in her eyes.

She'll swallow me up in that mouth before another night goes past.

"I - should go." Spike felt lust overcoming all of his barely held civility.

"Right, um- patrol tonight?"

"Sure thing, Slayer. Nine?"

"Maybe later? I should probably try to go see what research I can help with now that Riley's out of town. He apparently turned the last research session into a smash and snarl."

"He and I finally have somethin' in common? I'm deeply shamed. Tell you what, if you want help, I'll come over. I got a fair bit of knowledge. Can read my Latin and Greek like any good Cambridge lad. Like to prove I can outdo your jacked up green goon."

"Spike… ugh. Yes, that would be helpful," Buffy relented. Don't go, she wanted to plead. Stay next to me all day. I don't have things to do that I couldn't do with someone by my side. And that someone could be you. Because I feel… at ease around you. Peaceful. Hey. Peaceful. "Spike! Um. Can I see you for just a minute?" Privately!" Buffy's voice lost any semblance of calm.

Tara and Willow exchanged another look, one of many they had been passing, silently trying to decode a new pattern of snarking, body language, and comfort that existed between the former enemies.

"Wait, wait." Willow stepped up boldly. "We don't need the secrecy club. I mean, we're all about secrecy. We'll keep secrets. Very secretly. But, we made you this." She held out a slender white obelisk with the tip burnt black dangling from a piece of black cord.

"Not a bad lookin' trinket, Slayer- oh. You meant me?" Spike watched the witch bypass Buffy's outstretched palm and point it toward him. She dropped it in his hand without touching him. It was the other one who moved forward and picked it back up, lifted her arms in their flowing sleeves, level with his head, and looked into his eyes while she slid it on over his over his neck. "What's this?" Spike asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"Protection charm. Not all demons are bad. Not all of them have to be." Tara looked down briefly, mouth twitching. "This is a talisman for the wise one who uses his darkness as protection, as help. Should it change, and your darkness be used for destruction and harm of innocents- it'll shatter. And it might penetrate skin, so... "

"So plenty of incentive to play nice. But why do-"

Buffy reached up suddenly and yanked her orange scarf off with an impatient, tired-of-hiding-it sigh. "Because they know. They're the big brains in the group, Spike. I wasn't going to fool them for long."

"We won't tell," Willow vowed instantly, her suspicions confirmed.

"Right," Spike said stiffly. Didn't know what to feel. Pride. She was openly his. So they didn't know how much, but he did. Fear. One false move, one angry git threatening one of those women, and the other would crack to save her lover. Or hex his balls off. That'd be better. Lastly, there was confusion. He wasn't used to exchanging kindnesses with these two, had no reason to, and now… he found he quite loved it. The blood of my blood, is blood to me.

Damn mystical words. Where the fuck do they keep comin' from? I don't read ancient volumes, holed up in my lonely library with my little book of spells. "Thank you, ladies. Listen- if Finn comes at you- hex him."

The trio of females gasped and he rolled his eyes. "I'm dead serious! He's gonna go mad if he finds out about this, and Slayer says he's already not well. If he snaps- hex him, curse him, put him in defensive headlock if that's your style, just- don't let him hurt you. I'll see you lot tonight. I'll head out, Buffy."

"Wait… it's light out. I don't want you to get burned."

"I've got my coat. It's even springtime fresh. I can borrow a blanket. You have coffee with your mates. We forgot the blood last night anyway, so I should go."

Tara and Willow had another bout of staring and silent conversations.

Neither one of them wants to leave the other. She makes plausible excuses or him to be here. He does, too. He tries to act like he's just stopping by, and it's clearly so much more. Trying to make it look like- what exactly? That they're not close?

"H-how does this breaking a hold thing work, exactly? How's it going?" Willow tried to make perky small talk that just came out sounding tense and squeaky.

"I really need to talk to Spike for just a second!" Buffy grabbed him roughly by the elbow and propelled him into the kitchen so hard that he let out a short yell and tripped sideways.

"What the hell, Luv? I'll stay all day if you want, worship you sunup to sundown, but not with an audience," he hissed, lips close to hers. He gave her a mildly concerned look. "Unless that's your thing? I'm sure it's not. No, actually even if that is your thing, I don't like the idea of-"

"God, no, not my thing!" Buffy declared in an emphatic hiss.

"Good. Had to watch Angelus take Dru from me a few times, in the literal and physical sense of takin' and I've been sick at the thought of an' audience ever since. 'Specially if one of 'em really loves the other. Ought to be...private." He slid the last word past his lips and wound them into her senses, his hand doing the same thing, down the side of her sundress, reaching for that sweet spot that she was keeping warm for him.

"Or if they both do." Buffy put a hand on his cheek, her eyes fluttering shut as she held in a moan. Fingers touched her, just enough to make her tingle. She bit her lip and forced her mind to leave pleasurable avenues of thought for a moment."Spike, I'd love you to stay, but if you gotta go, I get it. Just listen first." She drew his head close to her heart.

He listened. "Yeah? So? Sounds fine. Perfectly normal." Comprehension crossed his face, clearing the confusion with a smile that matched her own."Perfectly normal!"

"But- he was still in my dream."

"It must be so weak now, Luv. Didn't he even say it? By a thread, he said! We're winning. We're winning!" One fist shot in the air.

"We're winning!" She dug her fingers into his shoulders as their eyes shared a spark of relief and triumph.

Joyous hullabaloo earned them spectators, just as she flung herself into his arms and he whirled her about, her hands in his hair, both beaming and whooping.

So happy, thought Willow, mystified. Like, really, really happy.

In love, realized Tara worriedly.

"My heartbeat's normal! No more rush-y Buffy!"

"It worked?" Tara looked relieved.

"So fast?" Willow looked relieved and puzzled. Dracula was the master at getting victims to connect with him, putting them so deeply under his spell that they had yet to read of him letting go, breaking the bond except when he wanted to "replace" someone that he already possessed. In spite of Giles' initial supposition of two bites, two exchanges of blood, two kisses to Dracula's singular actions, everyone had feared it would take a lot longer.

"He showed up in my dreams a couple times, Will. Maybe he's not beat, but he's on the run."

"This is really- good! But surprising! Again, in the good way. Spike must be very powerful."

He preened a little, then shrugged. "Actually, it's her. She's a hell of a fighter. He didn't stand a chance."

"Don't sell yourself short. He's the guy who uses magic and tricks, you're the one who uses brains, strength, and skills. That's power!"

"Are you guys going to stop now? That he's weakened? See if it fades out?" Willow asked.

"Too risky," Spike said quickly.

"No way. I have a feeling he's like termites - or was it roaches? Never mind. You have to get rid of the whole nest, not just be happy when you see less of them? I want him gone, as in permanently gone." She and Spike exchanged a look. They'd talk more about how to make Dracula, as well as his bond, disappear for good later.

"This calls for celebratory breakfast! omelets. Buffy, do you want us to make omelets?" Willow asked. "Tara makes everything amazing."

"Spike, d-do you want to stay? Do you eat eggs?" Tara asked, blinking at him as if seeing a new species.

He gave Buffy a look and she nodded. "All right. Thanks again. Should have bitten you a long time ago, Slayer, if it came with all the little morsels treatin' me like a friend."

"That's something you would have wanted? And so much no to the biting me earlier."

Spike blinked at the words he'd just said. "No! Of course not. Well… it's not horrible. Always had a soft spot for Red. She's a good shoulder to cry on."

"Oh yeah, the kidnapping and attempted biting really bonded us," Willow rolled her eyes.

"But you're a good listener," Spike ignored the pointed reminder of past misdeeds. "And you make good cookies."

"You tried to bite my girlf-friend?" Tara stammered.

"Never will again, vamp's honor."

"Good," Tara said one word and froze him with a glare. He swore he felt parts of him ice up. Might get a soft spot for Blondie, too. But there's only one soft spot of my own I want… He looked covetously at Buffy.

"I- I should let Giles know. And check in on Riley. Um. I'll be right back."

Spike nodded stiffly. "Give him my regards." He gave her a smirk that sent her off with a long suffering sigh. "He's a git."

"Giles?" Willow bridled.

"No, the Watcher's decent. Finn. Useless wanker."

"Hey! That's Buffy's boyfriend you're talking about and I think you'd better-" Willow stopped her tirade when she caught sight of the pain on Spike's face at her remark.

"I'll leave you to your cookin'." Spike walked from the room without a backward glance.

"Oh. Oh, no." Willow winced.

"He really cares about her, doesn't he?" Tara whispered.

"This is so bad."

"Well… not if it's mutual." Tara suggested tentatively with a shrug.

A protest died on Willow's lips. Creepy. Icky. But way better than having to visit your undead best friend in Transylvania, wondering if her new hubby will decided to morph into a bat and land in your hair. "Maybe."


"My heartbeat is normal! Like, totally normal. But Drac can still get into my head. He actually got into my dreams and told me he wanted me to be his queen and that I was playing at normal and Spike was weak. Hello, who's killed two Slayers? Spike. Not Dracula. He's so- so dramatic. And broody. At least Spike backs up his drama with some practical stuff."

"Er- wonderful?" Giles stared blearily at the phone. Council phone calls had kept him up half the night and done him very little good in terms of either answers or sleep.

"What?"

"Is the hold broken?"

"I doubt it. Would Dracula be able to talk to me in my dreams if it were?"

"I don't know. Tonight I'll see what we can find out about his somnambulistic manipulations, if anything."

"What about an ambulance?"

"His ability to manipulate the sleeping consciousness."

"Spike and I will be there to help research tonight. But we still want to keep the hold in place, Spike's, I mean."

"Most definitely! Buffy, I would actually advise you to - to consider keeping it in place until Dracula is dead. Permanently dispatched."

Buffy paused. "Giles, that could be months from now."

He closed his eyes. He knew that, of course. He knew what he was asking. "Dracula would have to physically be present and bite you and forge twice the connection Spike has formed with you. Even if- God forbid, Dracula managed to - to-"

"To kidnap me and try to undo the hold, there would be a lot of time he'd have to put in?"

"Erm. Yes, unpleasant as it is to consider. Not that you and Spike would necessarily continue to strengthen the bond in the sense of biting or exchanging- hrm- kisses."

So much more than kisses. "What if we did?"

"You'd have an intense bond. Dracula would be hard pressed to break it. Though Buffy- if you should continue with Spike, you'd have to be aware of what it would do to you."

She blinked. "What would it do?"

"You'd become attached. Emotionally, very deeply attached, Beyond caring for him as a helpful associate, beyond a- dare I say, some kind of friend. He might begin to feel a great deal more for you as well."

Buffy bit her lip. We already have that problem. What would it be like in months? To feel this loved and comfortable already? In months it would feel… indescribable. Indescribably wonderful. To always know someone loves you and wants you, and understands you? Knows the secrets you don't even like to tell yourself. You don't ever have to feel alone, even if you're a loner. Never have to feel like a freak, even if you know part of you is? "We'll back off over time," she murmured, unsure if she were lying. Well, it's been every night since we started. Maybe we'll take some nights off if this keeps going. Some couples have date night. We'll have "wait night". Then the next night, we don't wait anymore. That'll count as backing off. I just won't tell Giles the details of said backing off.

"Not yet. Not until you no longer feel any of Dracula's pull, consciously, physically, or in your dreams. Perhaps even for several weeks after. I'm so sorry, Buffy, I wish I had more practical advice. I did hear last night that the Council may have a lead on where Dracula's currently located. They're tracking down a source, but it's not definite. Travers himself is planning to become involved. That is promising."

"And horrible? Promising to be sucky and terrifying? I hate him!"

"He has access to information that I do not. That even the rest of the Watchers may not. Moreover, he can decide whether or not to share it."

Buffy sighed. "All right. What time should we come over?"

"I'll be home by five. I have some things to do, errands to run." Black market sources to consult, demons to bribe…

"Want us to bring pizza?"

"I'll treat us to Chinese. It's the least I can do."

"Ooh, big spender."

If getting her out of this was available for a price, I'd sell my soul. Well- only with certain guarantees and a non-possession clause. "You're worth it."

Buffy hung up with a sweet smile that soon vanished in trepidation. She called Riley's cell phone and waited anxiously as it rang.

"Come on. Come on, don't be - don't chipped or Adam-ized or something horrible and half-mechanoid," Buffy muttered as she paced the floor of her room.

"Hello?"

"Riley! Thank God! Are you okay?"

"Actually… not exactly. My heart rate's spiking into the 160s and they're having trouble bringing it down."

"What's that mean? That's a bad number, isn't it?" Buffy hesitated by her closet. Time to pack? Time to rush to be by his side?

"It's bad. They're not really giving me a choice at this point, Buffy. I got my first suppression dose and something to slow my heart about an hour ago. I just got off the phone with my folks. Surgery is tomorrow morning."

"And that'll make it better? You'll be okay?"

'I'll be fine, Sweetie, don't worry. They're doing Graham and me back to back. We'll be roomies again, just like back in special forces training. Of course, instead of running twenty miles a day with one hundred pound backpacks, we're going to lie on our backs and eat jello."

Buffy had to smile at the upbeat tone in his voice. Always working through it. Manages to make little jokes. "I'm glad they can help you. I'm so glad they caught this in time, Riley. Where will the surgery be?"

"Uh- that's classified to you, sorry. I can say it's in California. I'm not supposed to tell you which base, since this is technically old Initiative related stuff."

"Ah, all with the hush hush," Buffy rubbed her neck absently as the ball of worry in her stomach grew. "When will you call me? When can you have visitors? Can you have them tonight?"

"No on the visitors, I'm getting ready to transfer to the base in a few hours. Don't worry. Graham's CO, Ellis, is going with me, and so are two old buddies, Goodman and Brown. They've got my back."

"Thank God."

"As for the call- well, it's heart surgery. I'll be on a ventilator for awhile, and then I'll be high on pain meds for a while, making no sense." They laughed together at that one. "Probably by the day after I should manage a call. If anything happens, I put your number and my parents down as the ones to inform."

"B-but this is safe, right? There shouldn't be any need to inform? Right?" Buffy's voice took on a hysterical edge. Please don't let him die. He can be a jerk, but I don't want him to die.

Her bedroom door opened. Spike popped his head in, face mirroring hers, concerned. Not for Finn. For her. "Alright?" he mouthed. She nodded and he withdrew.

"-routine as it can be under the circumstances. Way less dicey than fighting Adam and demons."

Buffy realized that Riley had been talking and she'd missed it, but from what she did catch, she could tell he'd been offering reassurance. "That's good to know," she bluffed her way through a response. She hesitated. Is he going to ask about my problem? I hope not.

Although, that doesn't seem very considerate if he doesn't, since both of our "conditions" can lead to some serious deathliness.

"How's it going there?"

"Fine. Researching tonight."

"Mmhm. Anything?" Riley's voice suddenly sounded tight.

"No. Not yet."

"You said you'd be okay waiting a week."

That was not exactly what I said. "Yeah."

"It's almost a week."

"I know."

"Well… obviously I'm going to be recuperating so-"

"Oh, that's good. Right? I can handle this and you can handle that."

"I was about to say, you're going to have to wait."

"Say what now?"

"The vampire? I know you don't want me there. In the room. But I'm not going to let you go down and see Angel without some backup. I'll be fine in a few weeks. Four, tops."

"I'm confused. Are you saying you want me to wait a month?"

"Tops! Maybe just another two weeks."

"And why?"

"Are you going to use Angel?"

"I'm not going to use anyone. I'm going to find- a friend to help me."

"You have other vampire friends?"

"No, not exactly, but-"

"So, it's Angel. Don't lie to me. I'm sick, not stupid."

Oh, I could argue about that. "Go ahead."

"He's dangerous."

"Under certain conditions, yeah."

"Under biting you conditions- definitely." His stomach curled in disgust. His monitor beeped as he hit 170. "I want someone with firepower to back you up."

"Well then, that would be Willow. She's the one who can put his soul back if it comes out, and Riley, there's only one way that would happen. Sex. Perfectly happy, joyful, in-love-with-you sex. I'm not having that with Angel. I'm not having any kind of sex with Angel. I swear to it on everything."

Just don't ask me about Spike and we're golden.

A pause. A long one. "I want to believe you."

"Then do."

"But I don't believe he'll be-"

"Riley! You have to trust me about this." No. He shouldn't trust me. I'm lying. And cheating on him, just not with Angel. But I'm lying because I had to go behind his back because he didn't trust me in the first place.

Because he blamed me for it, and then he wouldn't even let me try to fight it the only way that we know works.

If I have guilt, he gets joint custody of it.

"I trust you, I don't trust the situation."

"Well, that sucks, because I am the situation. This is my situation and it's happening to me, my body. I'll have Giles and Willow and Tara help me. Okay? Three incredibly powerful magic users-"

"Not one of them with a crossbow pointed at his head?"

"Oh yeah, 'cause that'd really help us feel comfortable."

"You're not supposed to be comfortable! You are my girlfriend, not his!"

"Just stop, Riley. Listen to yourself. I'm not supposed to be comfortable because I'm your girlfriend, not his. If this was about Angel and me, it would have nothing to do with me wanting to be his girlfriend again. It would be about him being willing to help get me out of a mess. Which we do for each other. We'll never be close friends, but we come through."

Only we don't. He won't. Now I'm lying about my lying.

But if Spike stays safe- then I'll lie. There are some people you'll do anything for. I just never thought one of mine would be Spike. But then again, I never thought I would be that person for him, either.

"What about what he wants?"

"He wants me to get better." That much is true.

"And I don't?"

"I'm not sure right now, Riley. It seems like I'm allowed to get better if you handle the treatment. Like if I said you could get your heart all fixed up, but only by doing meditation and taking vitamins. Low risk."

"This is my heart we're talking about!"

"Yeah? This is my life as a human we're talking about. Seems to me, either one of us could soon be in the non-beating heart club. You'd get a coffin draped in a flag. I'd get reanimated and be trained to submit to some evil bastard who thinks he's man enough for three wives."

Riley felt sick. Shaky. It wasn't just the pounding heart. "You're going to do what you want, aren't you?" Somewhere in the bag of a sickened mind, a little voice nagged that he should feel disgusted by what Dracula planned to do more so than anything else. But the thought of Buffy being with any vamp, for any reason, obscured everything in a haze of anger.

"No, Riley, because I didn't want any of this. I'm going to do what I have to."

"Seems like if you didn't want to do it, you'd find a way around it."

"Oh my God, Riley. Really? Have you been listening to me at all? You think I wanted to fight Adam? I wanted to face the Master and actually, literally die? I wanted to send Angel to hell? Angel, who had his soul back, who was my first love? You think I wanted any of that? You think we didn't try EVERYTHING else?" Buffy's voice soared.

"But you're not in any -"

"Danger?"

"The world isn't going to end-"

"But I might?"

"Stop that!"

"Stop what? Having answers? I'm not the little freshman who doesn't know her way around the campus bookstore, Riley. I'm the Slayer. I know my way around vampires, curses, apocalypses, and death. This is my battlefield. This is my area of expertise. It's my art. It's my gift."

"Okay… now you sound crazy."

"I told you not to ever call me that." I'm not crazy. I'm less crazy. I actually get it now. How strong I am. Why I'm tired. Who's going to help me. It's probably not him. Like, 99.9 percent sure it's not him. Not talking about when we're doing hand-to-hand with a bunch of demons, he'd totally help. But help me as me. "I don't think this argument is helping either of us."

"No. Probably not."

"You'll call me as soon as you can?"

"Okay."

"Well. Good luck. Be careful, be safe, and tell me when you can have visitors, or when you're coming home. I can come to get you wh-"

"Buffy."

"Hm?"

"You be careful, too."

"I will."

"Does he actually have to kiss you?"

"Uh- it has to be something intimate."

"That's - that can't be right!" How was he supposed to tolerate that?

"No, it's totally wrong. This whole thing is very, very wrong," Buffy flopped back on her bed. It smelled like Spike, and sex, and sweetnes.

"You'd be letting him use you."

"No… I'd be letting him help me, playing by the sick, twisted rules that Dracula put into play before asking me if I was interested in a game of Claim that Slayer. Since I'm already a pawn in this, I have to make smart moves, outwit the caped bastard, and then kill him when it's broken. And only when it's broken, Riley. I almost-" she considered telling him how awful last night had been.

"You almost what?"

"He attacked me last night."

"What? He was there?" Another warning beep on the monitor.

"Not exactly. He's in my head. He made this sound- and it was going on and on and on- just so loud and high, I felt like I couldn't move. My nose started to bleed, my vision went. If I hadn't had-" Spike's help, I'd be dead. Brain blown up. She shuddered, cold seeping into her skin in spite of the warm, cozy bedroom. Or would he have stopped first? No glory in killing the bride without the ability to turn her, right?

"So, he just gave you a bad headache?"

"No. He attacked my brain. Loss of life pending, Riley. The only reason I'm not dead is because- there was strength to draw on." Not mine. Spike's.

"You beat him."

"That time. When he's still weak. If he keeps it up- no. Riley, no, stop asking me to gamble with this. I have to get better, then I take him out." Fresh silence. "Riley?"

"I'm not dealing with this. It's the - it's the meds. And the organ damage. It's hard to concentrate when you're moving a hundred miles an hour."

"Tell me about it," Buffy crossed her arms. I literally had that. As far as you know, I still have that. And you're okay with me dealing with it, with letting my suffering drag on for another month, maybe, until you can "supervise" my efforts to get better.

"You're mad at me."

"I'm not mad. I'm upset. I'm upset that you don't get it, and I'm upset that I have this crappy situation happening to me, and I'm upset that you're sick, because I know stress is bad for you and I would give just about anything to have my life events come out nice and neat. And they never, ever have, not since I got all 'Chosen.' I don't know what's going to happen next. I would love it if you would be there for me. Unquestioningly, supportively there for me."

Be that guy. Come on. You can do it. You were Mr. Don't Ask, Mr. Follow Orders. This isn't even an order.

"That doesn't sound like much of a relationship, Buffy. When you don't question the other person? No debate, no discussion?"

Buffy's brain threatened to explode from keeping in the argument she wanted to shout. Agh! You hate when I debate stuff. With Walsh, with you. Maybe that's why you don't like my friends. We disagree, we argue, but they back me up in the end. "I never said that! I said support me without questioning me. I meant on the hard stuff, the slaying stuff that I have to do."

"And getting intimate with the ex… is something you have to do?"

"Want me to find someone else?" Buffy suddenly challenged. She considered bringing up how angry Riley was getting over a kiss with a past lover, current ally, and yet he had gotten pretty damn "intimate" with Faith, not even realizing it. No, don't make this worse, not more stressful. But the point was, she had managed to move on. If Riley wanted this to work, he could at least try to overlook something so minor- but I don't want this to work. I just don't, not anymore.

"Are we talking about someone else to date or to bite you? Or are those the same things now?" Riley mocked.

"Dear God, will you listen to yourself? You are not the Riley Finn I know- or used to know. He doesn't hurt people. He was a nice guy."

He scowled. "That was before I knew you liked your guys a little meaner."

When she sat up, her hand was shaking. "Okay. Fine. Maybe I like a little edge. I don't like it when it's against me. That's never how couples should be. You use whatever you've got, light, dark, strength- and you share it. You don't turn it against them."

"Then maybe you don't want us to be a couple."

"You're right. Maybe I don't."

Both of them were stunned. "I- I'm sorry," Buffy whispered. "Riley, I-"

"You didn't mean it."

No, that's not what I'm sorry for. "No, Riley, listen. We need to -"

"Agent Finn? You're going to have to end that phone call. The nurse's station keeps getting a code red for your monitors."

Buffy bit her lip as she heard Riley's muffled voice pleaded with the nurse or doctor to give him two more minutes. Code red? That usually means imminent disaster. This is already a disaster.

"Sorry, Buffy. These quacks. They don't know what this heart can take."

She blinked back a tear. I sure can dish it out, huh? Funny, so can the guys I date. "You have to rest. We need time to think about things. Things change. Things have changed between us, Riley. We've changed as people, and as a couple. I need… I need you to let me go."

"Let you go?"

"I do care so much about you," Buffy said sincerely. I don't want anything bad to happen to him.

Let me go? Let her go? No. This isn't happening. Just a bump. She has to understand that. Look at all the craziness I've put up with. No, no, she means she needs to get off the phone. She wants me to rest, she wants to hang up, not break up. That's it. That's all. "I care about you. I love you. I'm sorry for whatever I said that was out of line. This isn't me. It's so much overload in my system talking, that's all."

No. No, it really isn't. It's the system bypassing your filter. Saying what you mean, what you want. This is what Anya's like all the time. You can call her a lot of things, but one of them is honest. "I understand what you mean." Part of me wishes I didn't.

"I'll let you go and call you back as soon as I can. Are we good?"

She hesitated. The honest answer was no. The honest answer might send him into cardiac arrest, and that was murder by mouth. He didn't get it. Which might be what's keeping his heart from staying in that "code red" zone. "We are going to get through this." And are we good? Yes. As people who fight evil. Good for each other? No. Not as a couple. Not anymore. Maybe as friends. Maybe someday. "Promise you'll call as soon as you can? Tell me where you are as soon as it's allowed?"

"I promise. I love you, Buffy."

"I'll be thinking of you, Riley. Be careful. I can't wait to see you back on your feet."

They hung up.


She didn't say I love you. Then again, she never has. Riley lay on his bunk, heart racing, but still heavy. She never has. Never will. Let me go… Did she just- did she just try to end it?

Because of some vamp. For some vamp…

Red blinking lights flashed on his monitor, mirroring the sudden glint of hatred in his eyes.


He didn't tell me it was okay. He never told me it was okay to get better. She lay on her bed with a sinking heart. Real men don't make women suffer. Real men don't make you ask permission to heal.

Willow and Tara were downstairs. She rolled over and called, "Spike?"

Want the real man. My man.

So what if the term "man" is a little loose?

In seconds he came in, put his arm around her and let her huddle into his chest, recharging.

"Hey," she finally whispered.

"Hi, Pet."

"Can I tell you something when I'm upset and cranky and miserable?"

"Would I have a hope in hell of stoppin' you?" he teased, smiling gently as he ran a hand over her cheek.

"I love you," she whispered. "The more I hear how he treats me, the more I love to listen to you. I tried to end things, but I didn't. I started to, but he didn't get it, and I didn't push it. Felt like I couldn't end things with him in a big 'this is it, this is over' way because I thought that would be really bad, especially with his heart condition, especially hours before he has emergency surgery. I heard the nurse or someone telling him that he was in Code Red, his heart rate was - I don't even know what it was doing, but it wasn't good. I don't love him, but I don't want to hurt him. If I thought I killed him, I would never forgive myself. I've already done the 'killed the guy I date' thing," she let out a wet, hiccuping noise that might have been a sob or could have been a weak laugh. "But I did tell him I'm not sure about us being a couple anymore. I said he needed to let me go. He chose to skim over it. He does that a lot lately."

"You're a good one, Slayer. I don't… I hate Finn, don't get me wrong, but I don't mind you tryin' to do the decent thing by him, letting him down when it's safe. Just as long as you don't hurt yourself. Or us?"

"Nope. You are on my things not to hurt list."

"There's a list?"

She laughed weakly. "Let's eat."


"I didn't end it," Buffy sat with all of them at the dining room table, not touching her heavenly omelet. "He was majorly asking for it, though. I told him I wasn't sure about us anymore, said some other big hints, but I didn't force the big break up scene. He's about to have surgery. He's not himself."

"You sure, Luv? Sometimes when people are drunk, high, or sick they're more themselves than ever."

"I actually thought that. He had no filter. Sounded like Anya."

"That's not good," Willow muttered darkly. "But, didn't you-" She opened her mouth to remind Buffy that only yesterday Buffy was going to wait to end things with Riley, in case Dracula's hold was influencing her thoughts.

But the hold is broken- at least, it feels that way to her. Spike broke it. But that means Spike could be influencing her.

The echo of his voice, "We're winning!" and the sight of two joyous faces pressed close together as they cheered for Buffy's freedom flitted through Willow's mind- and shut her mouth. If that's the kind of influence he has- to make my best friend smile like that, to feel like she's winning one of the battles that's making her so tired- then she can keep it as long as she likes.

"But what?" Buffy asked distractedly.

Tara mulled over Buffy's statement and the sudden smile on Willow's face. She took over the disjointed conversation and set it on a new path. "Buffy? Wh-what's the deal with his heart?"

"Operation tomorrow. He wanted me to wait for three or four weeks to start working on my cure, so he could come with me and protect me from Angel. He doesn't even know I'm getting help already, he was willing to make me wait for weeks, gambling that Dracula's hold would get weaker, not stronger, all because he doesn't like the idea of Angel coming near me. A valid thing to have concerns about him, given the weird history, I get that. But the waiting- the waiting isn't good, either. Last night was rough." She retold the nosebleed, howling head story. "Of course, that might have been Drac's last hurrah, because after - well, Spike- we fixed me and I went to sleep and I woke up feeling fine for the first time in days. I get him being worried about the mechanics of this hold-breaking stuff, but I told him I'd have the two best wiccas in the world and Giles backing me up. I didn't mention the awesome vampire sidekick."

"Oi, watch that sidekick crap," Spike growled, but one eyelid dropped in a subtle wink meant for his girl to catch.

She did. "Partner?"

"Yeah, that would've spun him. Glad you left me out of this, Slayer."

"I knew you'd have my back. But he… didn't. Well, he wanted to, but on his terms. It was just awkward, followed closely by bad, potentially heartbreaking, with misery accents."

"That's a whole buffet of badness." Willow shook her head.

"I told him… death is my gift. Being a slayer is my art. It's what I know. I don't always like it, but boy do I know it. And he called me crazy."

Spike choked on his omelet. "No. Just no, Luv. I know crazy. I know it bloody intimately, and you are not that." He put his hand on her back and squeezed her shoulder. "Want me to go do something to him? Not deadly, just irritatin'? Could spit in his hospital puddin' or cut a slit in his little paper gown?"

Buffy hid a smile that threatened to appear. "Stop. No, don't do that. Not that you could. He's in a 'classified' place."

"Good, maybe they'll keep him there," Spike spoke into his mug. He looked up in time to see the blonde witch smiling back, half-masked by her cup of tea.

"I forgot to tell Giles about the nosebleed! Crap. I got so excited with the normal heartbeat. He didn't show up in my dreams after that, either." From the corner of her eyes, Buffy saw Spike's eyes flare open wide, and then he became very interested in his almost empty plate. "Well. I'll see him tonight. I can't believe class starts in one more week. I can't believe I might actually be able to sit through the lecture without climbing the walls! Thanks, Spike."

"Any time." Every time.

Tara put down her cup in mid-sip. "Oh, uh- Willow, I have to go to the housing office and sign the papers for this year's dorm." She turned her gaze to Buffy and Spike. "We're not telling them that Willow's moving in."

"Ah. Is that not allowed?"

"No, it's just that she's on full scholarship anyway so she doesn't have to pay her dorm fees, and if it looks like she's still living with you in your dorm room, then you don't have to get a new roommate."

"This should make slaying easier, right?" Willow asked hopefully.

"I love you!" Buffy lunged out of her chair and hugged Willow, then Tara. "You guys are the best! And Tara- Willow's right, you make amazing eggs."

Spike put his fork down with a metallic clash. "I'm still evil, you know. I can only take so much syrupy sweetness! I gotta go down the tunnels and take out a nest of somethin' nasty. It'll do me good."

"Taking out a nest of nasty demons actually is pretty good. Not sounding too evil," Willow pointed out.

Spike paused, halfway out of his chair. "Sod."

"Hey. I thought you wanted respect from the good guys, too."

"Shh, woman. Secret."

"Sorry!" Buffy looked genuinely contrite- for a second. "I can't brag about you?"

Willow's own fork dropped with a clatter. Tara's teacup rattled back to the saucer.

"Well… I suppose. If you'd like. Anything to make you happy, Slayer," he fairly purred as he sat back down and leaned toward her. She leaned toward him, the heat in their eyes practically burning what was left on their plates.

"Hrm-hmm!" Willow coughed pointedly. "We'll be going."

"No, you don't have to rush off," Buffy guiltily sprang away.

"We really have to," Tara insisted with a smile. "See you soon."

"Right! Tonight," Buffy reassured.

Hasty goodbyes were exchanged. Buffy locked the door behind them. She turned back to Spike.

"Well. That was interestin'."

"Sorry, I know this was supposed to stay a complete secret. But I promise, Riley wouldn't hurt them, or force them to talk or anything. He wouldn't hurt me. He'll- What?"

Spike was squinting at her with a skeptical look on his face."Does your army lad know how intensely powerful those two are? More powerful than some of your lower demons. Didn't ol' D'Hoffryn offer her a gig 'cause he could smell the power in her? And you're more powerful than all of 'em."

She smiled as he praised her strength, that innate "Chosen One" deal that was part of her. The part that she hated so often- but not when she heard him talk about it. Another empty feeling, like tripping over nothing, assaulted her shifting views. Riley hates that about me. No. No he doesn't need to praise me all the time. No, it's not like I need the ego boost. I need someone who likes what I am. Maybe then, I won't feel so guilty about liking what I am, either. That little bit of power coming from the dark… I could be okay with it. "What's your point, Spike?"

"My point is- when he's mad, what's he gonna justify doin' to someone who's a little bit extra-human? I mean, maybe you find a Putrification Demon, like we found, all teeth, stench, and slime. You figure it's hideous an' evil, and you put it down. Then a vampire- human in appearance, most of the time, demon inside, and it kills almost nightly, you put it down. Then a werewolf- human almost all of the time, but a killer three days of thirty- if not restrained properly. You put it down. Then- a witch. Human all the time, with the power to tap into the dark, to kill, by her magic. Or a Slayer, the strength and the ability to kill with her sacred power. Both of those humans have the potential to kill… but haven't yet. Do you put them down too?"

Buffy shook her head slowly. "He helped Oz, Spike."

"I'm glad. He wasn't mad at the boy, was he? Boy wasn't witholdin' anything from him, or breakin' his heart, right?"

"You're making him sound like a killer, because you hate him."

"No, I'm making him sound like he could be one. Demons don't have the monopoly on killin', Pet. Finn's more of a risk than most, because he's got a convenient perception, turns it off and on as he likes. An' 'cause to me- he's as good as one. You see a guy who's stuck on his girlfriend seein' her ex. All I can see is some git who might let my girl die, because he's too cowardly to get her help. Whatever Dru needed- I got her. I didn't care if I had to take on you, or Angelus, or anyone, anything. When you're in love- you take the goddamned risks for her."

After years of being the hero- the weariness throbbed. The ache to end, to lay down and not get up called. Spike's voice overrode it. Take the risks for her. For me. Now, it's me.

"You took the risk for me. You weren't in love with me, were you?"

"Not at first."

"Why?" she asked softly.

Complicated. A thing for her. A thing for slayers. A respect for her, a hatred for Dracula, a hatred for the idea of warping a mind, taking a strong, gifted woman, making her weak, like Angelus had done to his Drusilla… "A lot of things, Pet. Think I'd started to sort of like you a little, respect you a lot. Hated Drac. Knew it'd be worth it to help you."

"Do you realize what that means?"

"No… An' I'm afraid to ask. Is it a good or bad thing this time?" he sighed long sufferingly. He reached for a smoke. It occurred to him that he hadn't smoked much at all in three days, not in her presence. Hm. Got all my cravin's and distractions satisfied. Rather put my mouth on her any day.

"You're a better man- a better friend than he was- when he loved me and you were a semi-enemy."

Her face was so stunned, uncomprehending, although she'd just had a very big realization of the unpalatable kind. He hated to see her in that sort of numbed, disturbed suffering. "Look, love is when you put them first. It's bloody simple. If you needed human blood, a transfusion, or something else that he could give you…" they shared a look, "and it had to be from a big, broad-shouldered secret army git named Finn for some spell to be lifted and some curse to be broken and you wanted to go along with it, I'd tell you to do it. Tell you to get better without another thought. Even if it would kill me. 'Cause I'd rather it kill me than that bad mojo kill you. It's simple."

"It's simple," Buffy repeated. Her head tilted slowly.

"What?" Spike asked, head matching hers.

"The rest of this- messy. Weird. But not you and me. Simple. I love you, Spike."

"I love you, Slayer."

She stepped up, into his arms and kissed him the way he'd wanted his whole life- back when he was a young lovestruck man, back when he'd first found himself helplessly in love with Drusilla, and every time after his heart got broken and stitched back up. Real. Loving. Longing. No one else in that heart or mind but me.

And he had had to ask. "What about- later?"

She didn't know. Later was a hard concept sometimes when you live night to night, when you've already died, when you're told you won't make it out of your twenties. But the deathwish- it was going to leave. The hunger was going to stay satisfied. "Later keeps turning into now. And I want you with me- now."

He kissed her, the way she had always wanted to be kissed. Happy, desperately craving her, so that she felt loved and needed, and wanted, all at once, with no tinge of sorrow and no trace of pretending that it was good enough. This was not good enough. This was better. This was it. When he pulled back, smile on his face, seriousness in his eyes, he said the words she'd wanted to hear as well.

"Want you with me… always."

To be continued...