Kindred

By Sweetprincipale

Dedicated to: stuff'n'nonsense, kyanaM, sjwheelhan, Darkhrt101,Mother Willson, 666, pgoodrichboggs, jbu1810, Slayerette16, Pentastic, Jackiemack916,The Three March Hares, omslagspapper, Teatime Turbulence, Brokenblackrose89, subchan, squeeface, kitcat99, bellaruthless, lgpmomma, fieryscarlet, David Fishwick, and the kind guest reviewers.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for the long delay, hope this big chapter makes up for it! Life happened and I had other works published (see end notes). I suggest a re-read if needed.

Part XV

"Sorry we forgot to get your blood last night." Buffy was back upstairs, looking for something that would actually look good together, instead of her emergency throw-it-on-company-is-at-the-door outfit. As she stood in her closet, her hand kept straying lovingly across her unhealed scar.

Spike sat on the edge of her bed and watched, a feeling of happiness and confusion in him. "Luv?"

"Hm?"

"Your neck hurt a bit?"

"No. Feels fine." Buffy suddenly realized where it was and dropped it guiltily. Then, not guilty at all, remembering who she was with. "Spike? I've been bitten before. NEVER had the urge to touch it. Hated the scar and the reminder of what had happened."

"I thought you might." His dark brows lowered. "Not too keen on recalling the events of your other bites m'self."

"So why?"

"You don't like bein' bit. You like bein' loved." He stole up behind her and put his head against hers. She stiffened, but not in fear. The tense muscles were an effort of will. Not to lean back into him and let him love her in other ways. "Comforts you. Someone on your side, a link with a… a friend. That no one can break."

She swallowed, eyes closing and breathing speeding up in a way that was purely related to his nearness and not some side-effect of being unwillingly claimed by Dracula. Everything breaks. Angel. Riley. Mom throwing me out. Kendra. Faith. Even Will and Xander- friendships that I was afraid to lose. "Giles said… if we create a hold, and we keep this in place for months and kept - kept doing what we've been doing, Dracula would have to work incredibly hard to break it if he ever got the chance. He'd never do it unless he had at least close to the same amount of time. And I don't think that even then he'd get far. I don't love him. You can trick me into some things, but I think I'd always know the difference between your love and his thrall-y deal."

"Months?" Spike licked his lips. Glorious words. Years'd be better, but months was a beautiful start. "I like months."

"He also said we'd be all bound up in affection and caring about each other, totally attached," she whispered, head tilting back to meet his eyes. "I told him we'd back off."

"Oh." Spike's tone was pained, as if she'd elbowed him in the ribs. His hands dropped reluctantly from her waist.

"So, maybe we'll have to skip the biting a few nights a month. But not now. Not until I'm sure Cape Boy is far, faaaar out of my system." She turned to him with a playful smile. "Maybe after Christmas?"

He laughed in relief and hugged her close, kissing her hard.

She laughed back into his lips, kissing him equally hard- which was quite hard for a slayer. She found them tumbling backward, falling, catching, and falling again until they landed cockeyed on the bed, her on top of him.

"All that just to get me into bed." Spike gave her a saucy grin, flicking his tongue over her lips as they left his with a startled cry.

"No! I mean- you need to eat. We're totally going to keep blood in the fridge from now on. And at Giles'. I guess I'll tell Mom. Not about the biting, okay? She just won't get it."

Spike blinked up at her. "Tell Joyce?"

"Mhm."

"Tell her what?"

"Well… I'm going to tell her we've gotten to be friends and you're helping me fight off a- a curse Dracula put on me. It would make sense that I might need you here a lot and that you need to have snacks here. I'll work up to the- to the -" she swallowed hard, "boyfriend. I'm sorry. I know kindred is so much more. Mom's not so great with all the Slayer stuff, as you know. That'll have to work."

"But- Finn?"

"He's important to me as a person. It's important for me to treat him better than he treated me. I know the sex stuff isn't fair to him. It's cheating, even if it didn't start out that way, even if at first it started off as some sort of weird physical reaction to adrenaline and…" she trailed off, cheeks aflame.

"Pleasure. The hunger. Someone in your system, figuratively, if not literally," he purred, trying to dampen the suggestion in his voice, and failing.

She cleared her throat and told her nether regions to put the sudden pulsing feelings on hold. "In my heart-" Buffy took a shaky breath, "I let him go yesterday, but he'd been sliding out of it for weeks. I can't fully tell him what's in my heart, because of what's happening to his."

He didn't breathe, but the air he released sounded equally tremulous. "Wanna know something?"

"Sure," Buffy said in a slightly surprised voice.

"Until I met you- Dru never regretted pickin' me. She chose me, you know. Handpicked me out of an alley in London, sobbin' my eyes out- tell you about that later, if you want to know."

"Okay," Buffy said in a gentle voice that she seldom got to use. Not a warrior pushing someone through something scary. One warrior listening to another, because they did that, and gentle because it was safe to be that way with him. Not going to hurt her- because he was now in some odd way like a part of her. "Later. If you want to talk, I'll listen."

"Just tryin' to say," he took a pause and tucked her hair behind her ear as she hovered over him, "over a hundred years, and she would leave me sometimes, miss Angelus, hurt me- but she never regretted me. Not until I met you, sided with you against him. I'm a- I'm evil an' all that, but I'm a solid choice if you want someone faithful. Lovin'. I could be…" he paused, collected his thoughts with a temerity he wished he didn't feel. "I know Finn was all sorts of 'solid' and 'reliable.' Normal. I know I'm different, but-"

"I want different! I want you."

He put a hand on either of her hips and held her more firmly in place. In seconds, he could feel the heat sinking into him. Wants me in a few ways, apparently. He pushed himself up on his elbows. "Want you, too." The timid feelings fled.

She leaned down and kissed him, loving the way he smiled as their lips separated. "You really took good care of her. You … take good care of me. I don't need some guy to ride in and solve all my problems, but someone who looks out for me is nice. I know you know the difference. I'm not so sure 'normal guy' gets it. Not so sure Angel even gets it."

"I get the prize, Luv." He traced his hand over her face, bit his lip to remind himself not to get carried away, but couldn't resist letting his fingertip barely brush over the marks he left on her. He reveled in the way her eyes instantly fluttered shut, a look that was usually accompanied by a moan. But he didn't want moans.

She opened her eyes, looked down and shifted off of him, sliding to lay against him, side by side. "I picked you because I thought it was the best choice. I had no idea how right I was going to be."

His heart swelled up, stupidly happy, foolishly happy, and the nagging fear that this was only because of the bond they'd acted out drifted away. Drac was bloody powerful in terms of putting a hold on someone, and the fact that he'd gotten someone so strong as Slayer tied in a knot was proof of that. An' the girl hated him. Hated the bond, no love for the charismatic shapeshifter at all. "Tell me one more time?"

"Only if you're going to say it back."

"Always." And that's a problem. I'll never get out of this with my heart in one piece. An' I guess that's the way I've always wanted it. The blood screaming inside to hold onto her, the link so deep it can't be severed without taking part of me with it. "Always, Baby."

Buffy waited for the sting of fear to hit her. Hm. Where'd it go? "I love you."

"I love you, too. My beautiful beloved."

"Kindred of mine."

No shocks. No stings. No fear seeping in. Warmth and fullness, something deeper than normal affection.

"Where do those words come from?" Buffy watched him roll on top of her. He ran his palms down her cheeks, over her shoulders, and slid them under her back, pressing her close.

"I have no bloody idea," Spike lost the sweet tone of voice, replaced with a hard, challenging edge. It gave way to a bemused chuckle. "I've been wonderin' that, too. Only thing I can think of is- it's in the blood. It's in the act of bonding. Like when I do this." He moved his hips into hers, and felt her own body open to receive him, even though they were fully clothed. "Like an instinct."

"Giles said it was- was a cure of the primordial, magics, life, death, blood."

"All the big ones. Left out the other way that two become one." Another shift, and she dragged her hands down his back, tugging up the shirt he'd only put on an hour or so ago. "He's probably afraid I'm- No. He asked me if I was takin' advantage and I swore to him I wasn't. Would never."

"He believed you. I could tell by how he talked about you." Buffy worried the shirt up over his head.

"Slayer, Luv, what are you doing? You came up here to get dressed, not undress me. Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, to get into a new outfit, I have to get out of my current outfit first, so… it seemed like a good idea at the time. Want me to stop?" she teased.

"Bite your tongue, woman!"

"I'd rather bite you." She possessively ran her fingertips over his scar, wishing she could obliterate the one that had turned him, replace it with one of her own.

"What the hell has gotten into you?"

"Almost all of you," Buffy replied with more easy confidence than she'd ever felt with a lover. Spike loves me. He won't hurt me. We don't want to hurt each other. I want him. I want all of him, and I don't want to wait.

"Baby?" He read something in her bearing, a shift in her gaze, a hungry look that he was getting used to feeding. "What does my girl want?"

"You. Inside. Now. All of you, inside all of me." Like a need. Like a burn that needs that touch of ice to dampen it down.

"I- Fuck, of course I want to do that, but you said you wanted to wait a bit longer."

"I wanted to wait for a couple of reasons. But I- I know to tell Riley in the brutally blunt way that he can't ignore, that I have to wait until after surgery. And even then, I think I have to let him down easy, Spike."

"I waited for months for Dru sometimes. I can wait a bit for you."

The other one tells me to wait. Wait to get healed. This one waits, so I won't get hurt. "I really do love you, you know that?"

"I'm believin' it more every minute. So- tomorrow night, is your mum still out of town?"

"Mhm."

"We could… make it special?" His heart was still. It couldn't be beating like that. Fast and hard, excited. No, it was hers, all pressed to his chest, banging about on her ribs and reverberating into the stillness under his that was by no means empty. "Shit, Luv, your heartbeat's back up again."

"That's because of what you- what you said." Of how I think of it. Her cheeks were hot, all of her was turning a sunburnt shade of pink. Shouldn't think it'll be so special, he just means we'll -

He cut off her thoughts, words coming out from that poet's soul that he was supposed to have parted with. "Bridal bed, Luv? We made our vows. I-" Realizing what he'd said, his eyes widened and he winced, waiting for her squawk of rejection.

"Really?"

"Sorry. I know it's not-"

"I thought that, too! Honest. I felt like…" Buffy paused. You can tell him. You can tell Spike. He already knows. She tilted her head. "I thought of it like the first time. All over again, but I also thought of it like- a - wedding night. Please don't freak!"

"Why would I? I said bridal bed. You said wedding night." Spike suddenly sat up, looking pissed off. "It's the effing bond!"

Buffy tried to hide a crestfallen look. So much for feeling like it was all safe.

"No, Buffy, not- not the bond between us bein' a bad thing. The words. The linked up thoughts. Your heartbeat finally reaching normal and no dreams of him last night after you went to sleep the second time. I-uh, well, I said something."

"What? What did you say? When?"

"After you fell asleep. I don't know how I know the words. That 'primordial' instinct, I guess. I put my hand on your head and said I challenged any bond or claim another has. I said I gave you my protection though you don't need it, said I claimed your strength for myself and would give you all of mine. Vamps can make a claim, but you're human. I pledged myself to you. An' you already as good as marked me and claimed me, best as a human can. Pet, I think I outdid Drac. He didn't offer himself to you as equal. He took you- he didn't give himself to you in return, no matter what words you repeated."

Buffy whispered, "Equal."

"Oh hell!" Spike put his arm around her as her eyes suddenly overflowed. "Slayer, I didn't wait until you were asleep on purpose! I was just worried after watchin' you suffer from that bastard attackin' your brain. I thought I-"

"You said equal. You gave me you." Buffy sniffed in hard and looked at his confused, tight face. "Happy tears, idiot!" She poked his ribs hard and made him frown, then laugh. "You did that for me? You don't have to. You didn't have to!" That is so much beyond this original "business agreement."

"I wanted to. I thought that's how bein' in love is s'posed to go." Never quite happened, but a bloke can dream, can't he?

Soaring. Her heart had wings. That had never happened. With Angel, her heart had intense, deep, painful love. Riley had a sweet, sincere feeling of care- and it had ebbed away as he had damaged it with unthinking, selfish acts.

He wants me. But, even better, he wants me to have him. We belong together, a set, a match, light and dark, doing good with whatever we have in us. He wants me. He wants to give himself to me. "A gift given in love." Her voice was wondering.

His was carefully casual, topped off with a shrug. "Mr. Tabloid doesn't claim to love you. Claims to love what's in you."

"You're different. You're special." Tomorrow night would be special, too. "Tomorrow night. Vows?"

"Private ceremony?"

"You won't tease me if I think it's some super big deal?"

"I feel the same. I won't tease you- more than I already do. C'mon now, if I wasn't my usual snarky self you wouldn't be with the man you love.".

"Hmm. I think even your annoying sense of humor has grown on me. Slightly."

He hesitated before putting his neck out. "Slayer? You wanna -" he stopped. You're not human. You're not really doing anything but making love a bit more thoroughly. Shouldn't get so worked up. Shouldn't make it such a grand event.

The hell, you say.

"What?" Buffy prodded.

He took her hand, trying to get his uncertain tongue to move. Words had so often failed him. All his pleading had been in vain sometimes, and his poems were crumpled masses, altars to his folly. "Hard to say some things."

She squeezed back. "We do hard."

He heard the faint challenge in her voice. "Harder."

She slid around him easily, straddling his lap once more and looking into his eyes. "Harder. Harder is breaking a hold that the legend put in place. Harder was doing it in record time, and finding the thing that heals me and helps me, not just with this, but with my whole life. Spike, I know you can do more than hard. More than harder. You can do the hardest things."

She believes in me. That I can do it. "I love you, an' I know every time I say it, I dig myself in deeper, and maybe I should be more careful. But you make me brave in all the ways that hurt, Slayer."

"Yeah? It's mutual. I haven't told anyone I loved them since Angel. Not even Riley. I'll say it in a friend way to Willow and Xander, or like family to Mom. Not a soulmate way. Oh." Soulmate. Doesn't really work here.

"Yeah. Missin' mine. But- Baby, you think maybe since we're sharin' hearts and thoughts and stuff, I could borrow a little bit of yours?"

That's right. Bound. Inside each other. He in me and me in he. "Maybe you already have it. You gave yourself to me. I can give me to you."

He abandoned words to kiss her. And kiss her harder, and harder, until they were panting, tangling wrecks who were trying to remember that they were supposed to be stopping for one very special reason. That tomorrow night would be more than just another act between two lovers, it would be an act that cemented something. The human world and the vampire world might not see eye to eye on what it meant, but to them, the ones forging this bond, it had a depth, a significance they were afraid to discuss.

Tomorrow night, she is my bride. Mate. Life partner. Beyond life.

Tomorrow night… well, I thought that day might never come. Should have known it wouldn't be a wedding day. There's a wedding night. In all kinds of ways...

They held suddenly still. Hands laced slowly on his torso, fingers locked down tightly.

"I can't wait until tomorrow. I mean, yes, I will wait, but most of me doesn't want to. The little part that hears the voices and knows the words thinks it's wise, and it's also being really, really pushy," Buffy rested her forehead to his, bitten, swollen lips still taking time to brush his. "Hm. Pushy. Must be from you."

"Ha, Slayer. I can taste the stubborn in you," he laughed softly against her. Miracle of miracles, they were able to laugh at each other. With each other. God, she makes me happy. He sat up, sitting her with him, astride his lap.

Buffy smiled into his eyes and crossed her arms contentedly behind his head. I thought this would hurt, lead me to the dark places, the painful places, all blood and death. That's just a piece of me. He makes me whole. He even makes me… happy.

Spike interrupted the quiet moment. "I don't know how to ask you this."

She froze. Ask? Like propose?

Her mind went numb. She wouldn't say no. And that scared her. And thrilled her. But it was too fast. The touch of normal girl balked. The bonded part of her was like, "What's the big deal? You know that the bite thing is more permanent, right? Any joker can get hitched in Vegas and get unhitched by a bored lawyer and a judge the next day."

"Ask?" her voice was a shadow.

"I don't have a lot put by right now, but I have a few quid. You wanna get a room somewhere tomorrow night?"

Her eyes were confused. "What?" Not what I was expecting.

"Shit! Slayer, you told me to do the hard thing! The hard thing was the stupid thing!"

"No, Spike, I-"

"I didn't mean a dirty weekend in a cheap motel, you know? I wouldn't do it like that! I mean, yeah, I would sometimes, for fun, but not tomorrow. Special, we said. I thought maybe you'd want a place different from your own house, definitely not my crypt. Place with a- with a big bed and a pretty view. Place they wouldn't find us." Would hear me makin' you mine. Hear you open up for me the first time, hear me roaring and cursing in you, to finally feel what it's like to be in you. To hear you breathing, heaving under me, eyes wide and fingers diggin' in on every thrust- "Fuck, Buffy, I can't even think properly."

"Big bed and pretty view?" she answered dreamily.

"Mhm." He settled for words he could grunt with his lips shut. Stopped the drool.

"Take me away from the Hellmouth?"

"Bad idea?" His tone was quizzical.

"No. Why do we need to go?"

"We don't need to. Want to. Want to treat you like the gift you are," he said simply.

"Then it's not bad at all. Perfect."

"Take my car?"

"Not too far away?"

"Barely out of town. One of the beachfront places outside of Sunnydale."

"Just for one night."

"This time. Longer later. When this is all sorted. If you still want me."

"I will always want you." And tomorrow night, I get to show him. "I have to go shopping," Buffy said abruptly. She kissed him hard, backed off of his lap and marched to her closet, throwing off her sundress and pulling on black tank top and long skirt.

"Can I use your phone?" Spike watched her throwing things in a small brown suitcase. Candles. Stake. Bra. Knickers. Sleeveless shirt with high neck. Must remember to bring her scarf this evenin'. The black silk one that suited her, the one he'd offered that first night. With a jolt he'd realized it no longer belonged to Dru, it was hers. Just like him.

"Who you gonna call?" Buffy asked as she moved to her bureau.

They exchanged a look. Spike coughed once. "The hotels, Pet. Find us a room."

"That movie has so much to answer for."

"No kidding."


He retrieved the phone book from the kitchen. Still hadn't had blood in any great quantity, but found himself curiously full. He was shirtless, but wearing the pendant from the wiccas. He idly toyed with it while he tried to recall the name of the little town to the north of Sunnydale. He flipped a few pages. The phone rang beside him and he absently picked it up- then froze.

Shit. What if it's Finn?

"Buffy?" Joyce's voice inquired.

Spike let out a sigh of relief and put on his best "English gentleman" voice. "Hello, Summers' Residence."

"Spike?" Joyce's tone went from puzzled to wary. "Let me speak to my daughter, now! What are you doing in my home? Are you- is she-"

"Good morning, Joyce. Buffy's fine! Swear to it. Lemme get her for you. I uh-helped her take out this big slimy demon last night. She was kind enough to let me use your washer. Thing reeked to high heaven and' my crypt doesn't have laundry facilities. Could hardly take it into the local laundromat, not all covered in demonic slime."

Joyce knew she should have far more reservations. But Spike always talked to her so affably that it dulled the panic some. He was a vampire, yet an oddly personable one. "I see. Buffy? Now, please."

"Slayer! It's your mum! She's on the phone!" Spike hollered up the stairs. "Give her a moment, Joyce, I'm in the kitchen and she's upstairs. Heard your old college mate had a showin'. How is it going? Good turnout?"

"Oh, the local press made a big deal! Mallory- that's my friend- found out last night that someone from DeMarco's in New York came to see her work! He's coming back today. I think this could be big for her. If he takes a few pieces-"

"An' if you could bring a few pieces out here-"

"That's what I was thinking! To be on the same level of inventory as DeMarco's in-"

"Mom? Spike! Hang up the phone!"

"Buffy! Spike and I were talking about Mallory's showing!"

"Joyce, sounds like a potential goldmine! All success, ducks. I'll ring off for now."

"He's - such an unusual man, isn't he?" Joyce mused once she heard the click and Buffy's impatient sigh.

"Yes, he totally is. And he so shouldn't be answering the phone in my house!" Buffy called pointedly down the stairs.

Downstairs he growled, low and huffy. "Bint." Instantly, he felt unsettled. Shouldn't talk about her like that.

Yes, I should. She is. Sometimes. I don't mind it. Was just tryin' to be helpful. But what if it had been Captain Cardboard, hm? Or Angel?

Think good thoughts. Good thoughts, like little out of the way places where he and his girl could slip away, where no one would reach them.


"Spike used our washing machine?"

"Huge, stinky, slimy demon. Spike helped. Besides, my clothes were equally disgusting, so I was going to do a load of laundry anyway."

"I suppose that was an unusual circumstance." Joyce smiled slightly. Oh, how poorly "unusual" described her daughter's life and some of the people in it.

"Well, actually… Not entirely unusual these days. Spike has been helping me a lot this week. He can't hurt humans, Mom."

"You mentioned that. Riley did that to him, right? He made him safe?"

Buffy felt irritation rankle. "Yes, the Initiative chipped him. But that doesn't mean a demon is safe- that's- that's a choice. Spike and I have been talking a lot. Giles', too. Um. Spike's going to help patrol sometimes."

Joyce heard herself release a sigh. A relieved one. "That's good."

Buffy examined the phone like it had started singing showtunes in her ear. "Mom? Is that you?"

"Well, Spike is a vampire! He won't get hurt like you or Riley, or Willow and Xander. Even hitting him with an axe on the head wasn't fatal. You can't say that about a human. Although, I'm surprised Riley went along with this."

"He doesn't know, exactly. Mom… Riley's in the hospital. He has heart damage from some- um- meds he was on during his time in the Initiative. He's having surgery first thing in the morning. I can't be with him, the location is classified."

"Oh, Buffy! Are you holding up, okay? Should I come home early?"

"No!" Buffy yelped. "No, Mom, there's nothing you can do. Nothing I can do. And… there's something else I think you should know."

"This isn't good, is it?" Joyce sat down on the guest room's bed, phone pressed worriedly to her cheek.

"It's not good. But, I'm not too upset. I know you will be."

She closed her eyes. What could be worse than knowing her daughter had died, runaway, and faced an apocalypse? "Just tell me."

"I told Riley we need time apart. He didn't get it. I told him we'd changed. We've been having problems off and on- and I- I never talked to you about it before. Lately, it's more problems than not. I don't want to push it right now because he's sick. But he's not the right guy for me after all. I'm sorry, Mom. I know you really liked him."

Joyce let out a rush of air, another wave of relief. As far as problems went- this was a normal one, one she, a middle-aged single mom might have a shot at helping her child with. A break up. A normal "we didn't click" break up. "That's it? You're going to break up with Riley because he's not right for you?"

Buffy gave the phone another scathing look. Was this phone connected to an alternate dimension? One where her mother was slightly more relaxed and way more willing to listen before flipping and blaming? "Um. Yes?"

"Well, Sweetie, he's a very nice boy, but remember, I only met him about three months ago. I didn't even know you were dating him for the first few months you were together! I know lots of girls find 'the one' in college, but I certainly didn't expect him to be that one. That's not what I mean. I'm trying to say that I didn't expect you to only have one serious boyfriend before settling down or something."

"Okay," Buffy replied, stunned thought lines appearing on her brow.

"What happened between you two? Did he- was there someone else? Did he hurt you?"

"No! He's not- he's not hurting me directly. He's interfering in some slaying stuff. To put it in the worst way possible, but to be uber direct, Riley is too worried about what he thinks I should do to let me do what I need to do. Including big stuff. Stuff that is going to kill me if I don't handle it. He wants me to wait for him to make a move, like I can't deal with things on my own, even though he wasn't even in my life months ago. Not handling it is just making me worse. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get me. I like him, but I don't love him. I don't want to keep dating him and making him think that I'm okay with that. I can't be. Can't live like that. He couldn't live with me like that, either. I tried to tell him, but I didn't make him understand. Not yet."

"Because of his heart?" Joyce heard the note of self-reproach in her daughter's voice, right along with frustration and pain.

"Surgery in the morning. It's pretty serious. Like, he could die. We both have serious stuff, Mom. I know I should tell him, but if I made him worse… Well, that's what he's doing to me, and I hate that. I want to be the bigger person." By breaking up with him? While falling in love with a vampire that he hates? "It sounds wrong. I don't care. If I have to stay with him to be right, but I'm getting weaker and more miserable, then I don't care. I just won't be right."

"Honey, I don't understand why you're so worked up about this. No, not about the risks he's somehow causing. I don't understand why you're worried about telling me. I know it's a break up. They happen, even to very sweet, nice couples." Joyce's calm tone suddenly became panic-stricken. "It's not because you're dating that Angel again, is it?"

"No! So over him."

Over Angel? That's an unexpected and entirely welcome relief! "You're not pregnant?"

"Nope. We haven't been - well, let's just say that I'm abstaining from anything that could cause children." Because vampire sex doesn't produce babies.

"I understand it's hard and it'll hurt, but I want you to be happy. With someone who won't hurt you or make you… weak, did you say? How is he-"

"That's a very long, complicated story. Spike's helping me fix the problem though, okay?"

"That's nice of him. He's a very unusual vampire." Joyce blinked. She'd said that twice in one brief phone conversation. Brief, but important.

Buffy had realized that as well. "You said that."

"It bears repeating. He's really safe, Buffy?"

"I trust him with my life."

Joyce paused, mouth open. It shut quietly. Something felt very wrong about that phrase, but she couldn't quite work out what would be so terrible. Spike was a vampire that couldn't hurt humans, so she supposed… "You do?"

"Yes. He saved my life last night, Mom. I don't know if I'd be talking to you this morning if he- if he hadn't been with me last night."

Joyce paced in a tight line in front of her bed. "What happened? No! Don't tell me. That slimy demon?"

Buffy hesitated.

"Was it another vampire?"

"Yes." Buffy hesitated yet again. She never liked sounding weak in front of her mom, because that might scare her, worry her that slaying was too hard for her only daughter to handle. But, if she could get her mom to understand just how vital Spike was… "The other vampire- it was pretty bad, Mom. Spike dove right in. Saved me. Picked me up and… you never know how wonderful someone is until you see how kindly they can treat you when you're helpless. He's more than a helper. He's become a surprisingly good friend, the kind who really listens to me. Spike's my hero." I don't need one. But it's nice to have one anyway. Best of all, I'm pretty sure that I'm his, too.


Spike paused halfway up the stairs, where he'd stealthily been heading up to check on her. Spike's my hero. He stopped and sat, basking in the sudden glow her words created. The Slayer thinks of me as her hero. Which is sorta fittin' init? Seein' as she's one of mine.


Joyce's maternal tones were heading toward shrill. "Oh, Buffy! Be careful. Thank God Spike was there! That's a very strange thing to think. Or say. Buffy, are you sure he wasn't just-"

"He didn't get anything out of it, except that I wouldn't hurt him. I wouldn't hurt him anyway. I think he's going to be one of the Scoobies now, Mom."

Out on the stairs, Spike groaned. The warm glow flickered out as he put his head in his hands. The indignity.

"Can we keep some blood in the fridge for when he visits?"

"Human blood?" Joyce sounded horrified.

"No! Cows and pigs. Sheep and goats for all I know."

"I suppose that's okay."

"You're the best. I love you, Mom. I guess I should get going, huh? I need to do some slaying-related stuff, stuff it'd be better to do before classes start."

"Honey, take care of yourself. And yes, I understand that you need to get going. I know you have all these good things to say about Spike right now, but remember, he's not human."

Buffy paused. Am I? All the way?

I don't know.

I don't know if I care. I'm human enough.

Maybe he is, too. "He's human enough, Mom. He's not demon owned. He's a man with a monster-y center. He can use it for good."

Joyce made several shocked burbles that didn't make concrete phrases.

"It's a shock, huh? Don't worry. You'll see. Love you, Mom."

Inarticulate cries gave way to one puzzled-sounding, "Love you, too."

"Bye, Mom."

Buffy shakily put the last few items she wanted in her bag- aside from one or two particular things she wanted to buy for their night away. She hoped the phone wouldn't ring, her irate or bewildered mother calling back.

She fairly fled her room, stopping short with a gasp when she saw Spike sitting on the middle of the staircase, looking over his shoulder at her, an inscrutable expression on his face.

"I'm not a soddin' Scooby."

"I know. You're the partner. But I have to put things in Mom-speak. She understood that and didn't wig. Well, not much," Buffy answered as she picked her way down the steps.

"So that bit about me being a hero?"

"No. That's true, and easy to understand. Maybe not easy to believe, but definitely clear."

"What about the man with the monster-y center?"

"That was Mom-speak, at least partly. I know you're a vampire. I don't think you're suddenly some normal human. I just know that your demon qualities aren't being used for evil, and to me that means you're not demon-owned, just like you said."

"Miracle. You listened to me," Spike teased and caught her as she sat in his lap. "What should we do today after I make my phone call?"

"You go home. Drink up. You're going to need all the energy you can get," Buffy evaded his lips with an effort, wriggling away from him.

"An' you?"

"Shopping."

"I can't come with you?" Spike said the words too quickly, then glared at her. "I told you, you messed me up. Clingy." Or it could be the idea of slipping into the dressing room with her, watching her shed outfit after outfit, taking advantage of all those moments of bare skin and three-fold mirrors, and conveniently placed hooks and benches…

Buffy gasped as Spike slid after her, landing at the bottom of the stairs, cutting her off with a slam of his black boots to the floor. "Spike!"

"I've decided I like clingy. C'mon, Baby, let's go buy you somethin' pretty. Be my model?"

No…" Buffy pecked his lips and slipped through his arms, only to spin and catch him as he went after her, pressing his back to the wall, making pictures rattle. "I'm buying something special. I want it to stay a surprise- at least until tomorrow night, and then I'll model all you want."

Lust surged up- and ebbed out. Tomorrow night. Special. Vows. "You're sure?"

"I know what Drusilla did to you. I know I'm doing the same thing, in a way. Are you sure about- about me?" Buffy suddenly whispered. She had heaped hate and blame on herself for years, and now, sometimes she just accepted them as part of her, sometimes she tried to push them down. They'd been playing hide and seek with her for so long. Bad for killing Angel. Bad for not saving everyone she wanted to save. Bad for letting her mother down, somehow driving her father away, for not keeping Faith on the path of good-guy living… Bad for not being happy with Mr. Normal.

Spike was evil and a demon. It shouldn't matter what he thinks. And what kind of moral yardstick is he, anyway?

One I actually care about. Because if there's one thing he proved- it's that he knows love. He loves unselfishly. He's good at love. Before him- was I? I think I tried to be. I think I was. But it's hard when the one you give that love to hurts you, lets you down, disappears...

"Listen to me, Luv. Even at my worst, I know you for what you are. You're what good is. But sometimes you're not going to be perfect. Humans aren't. You're doin' something right for you, for us. D'you think Finn is perfect? Has he been treatin' you right?"

"It's not about that."

"It's about you wantin' to be the hero. To save everyone, even the one who's givin' you grief, not protectin' you, even though that's all he thinks he's doing. Things will end with him, you're not keepin' him on a string for months on end. You'll end it with him as soon as you know he's going to survive it, an' that's more mercy that I'd have for that jackass."

Her lips twitched in a smile, but his voice continued without a trace of playfulness. "But keep me out of it or he's going to blame me and say that you're one of those weak women doesn't know her own mind. When the truth is, you're the strongest woman I have ever met. You're strong enough to look up and say 'I don't like what you do to me.' An' I know you don't need someone like me to-"

"Someone like you is who I love. I care about what you think."

"If I wasn't dead, I'd have died of shock." He smiled slightly. "I'm a bad man. Wrong 'un, you know that."

"We're the same. Same darkness, differently distilled."

"I'm demon. You just took its strength. Little metaphysical organ-graft." He brushed a hand across her cheek. "I think you're doing the right thing, as best you can in a bloody rotten game that you had no choice in playin'." Spike sighed. This would sting a bit. But what's love without a little reminder of all the shit you're tradin' in for it, for the best thing ever? "I'll be tryin' to do the right thing these days- as long you'll give me a hand with it."

"You have my hands. You have all of me." Buffy put her fingers through his.

Forever? He heard a ghost whisper in his brain, but his lips sealed.

Eternally. Her eyes flickered nervously as she refused to speak a sudden unbidden phrase that entered her mind.

"Tomorrow night," Spike reassured her. Tomorrow night there'll be vows. And pledges. Blood, life, and death… and that last little bit.

"I- I have to go to the mall." For once, I would rather stay home.

"Blood. Pick up that order Rupert's set up."

"I'll miss you when you're away," Buffy confessed, although she wished she could keep those mushy thoughts in. He claimed to be feeling clingy? Ha! The thought of hours apart was enough to make her feel near to tears.

"Research at the Watchers' tonight. It won't be long. Or, I can be back in a few hours if you want," he suggested casually, as if it didn't matter.

"I'll come over to your place," Buffy hastily suggested. She'd put her new purchases away, she'd remove the temptation to show them off early, or to bring him here and let him "accidentally on purpose" discover them.

Yeah, right. Temptation equals Spike. There's so much awesome we can do anywhere. "A few hours?"

"See you soon, Slayer." He leaned in and kissed her. "Love you."

"Love you. See you soon."


Author's End Note:

Also, thank you to the kind readers who are continuing to buy my original fiction on Amazon. I just released a new erotica piece that is definitely more smutty but still sweet, I hope you'll check it out. It's called "Vampire in Vegas" by S.C. Principale. (free with Kindle Unlimited or. 99). I appreciate all the love and support for both my fan fic and published work! Thanks, friends!