I bounded down the creaking staircase with an extra pep in my step, not having felt this relaxed in... well, ever. My first stop was the kitchen where Amy, Seth, and Sue were having a drink with the catering staff from this afternoon and swapping ceviche recipes. "Good morning!" Sue joked. "Dinner is at eight, just us tonight." I nodded awkwardly, not really giving a fuck if Jesus Christ was on the guest list. "Tony is with your dad on the porch- say, will his dad be joining us?"
Both parts of that sentence stumped me- Tony was with my dad? Why? And the idea of having Edward sit through the tense chewing of a meal was just too mortifying to fathom.
"Ours and Leah's kids will be here tonight, too. They put on a talent show and everything, Tony might like it." Amy offered politely, to which I smiled- how had a woman so lovely and normal ended up with a tool like my stepbrother? I nodded in agreement and escaped before they could rope me into more conversation and went to the front door, opening it slowly and slightly, as to not disturb anyone. The wraparound porch went three quarters around our the modest two story house, so I followed it until they popped into my line of sight.
Charlie was dressed down in his jeans and old boots sitting casually on the ridge of the porch's ledge while Tony tried to mirror his image, straddling the the post and talking up a storm. "Code 1031, domestic disturbance. Code 1032, person with a gun. Code 1033 emergency, I repeat emergency." Tony recited with pride.
"Very good." Charlie nodded in approval. "1026?" I rolled my eyes at Charlie's questioning- of course only he could make a child bonding experience revolve around cop talk.
"Detained the suspect." Tony lit up at my dad's further approval. "Th-that's easy." Charlie carved a peach in his hand with his pocket knife and offered Tony a piece, which he accepted excitedly. "Is th-th-this the c-cow-cowboy to eat a p-p-peach?"
Charlie chuckled. "Sure. My dad was a cowboy and Poppa was too. Poppa was the sheriff and rode on a horse instead of a patrol car."
"Really?" Tony was consumed in my dad's story. "Who's Poppa?"
"That's what you call your grandpa around here." Charlie sniffed loudly. "Poppa was the best kind of cowboy, too."
"Do y-you th-th-think I could be a-a-a cow-cowboy too?" Tony quirked his eyebrows to the side and examined his olive skinned arms and then my dad's pale white ones. "I d-don't think I'm w-white enough."
Charlie shrugged. "You don't have to be white to be a cowboy. We come in all kinds of colors."
I bit my lip in deep thought. Here this man was, chatting and bonding with my bonus child as though he had all of the time in the world and every answer; after seven years old, I couldn't get him to talk to me let alone chat me up for hours. I wanted to announce myself but at the same time my heart needed this... I couldn't break the moment just yet.
Tony took another piece of peach and tucked it into his cheek, his face suddenly thoughtful. "So wh-wh-why isn't my m-mom a cow-cowgirl too?"
Charlie scoffed and wiped his hands off on his jeans. "She's a city girl, always has been." My heartbeat picked up at the mention of me. Did he even think of me? Was I speck in his past? Did he regret being so hard with me? "Your momma- she..." and then he paused.
"She's sp-special." Tony offered happily. I couldn't hide the smile it put on my face- at least one person in my life thought so, and I'd take it. "Daddy s-s-says she's a re-really special m-mommy. He t-t-t-alked to God and as-as-asked him to s-send a m-mommy f-f-f-for me, and boom," Tony exclaimed with a flick of his fingers as he liked to do, "M-mommy Bella c-came."
My heart did cartwheels and somersaults at Antonio's words and I could have just died of happiness right then and there. If I did nothing good in my whole life, I had Tony.
"I h-had a m-mommy before, I w-was in h-her belly. Da-daddy l-lies and say-says I didn't, b-b-but I k-know better." Charlie hummed in agreement and let him go on. "I t-think I w-was a b-bad baby to-to her." Tony looked dead at my dad's face, waiting for a reaction. I would never let him talk like that- I always shushed him before he could go further. I hoped that if I denied those ideas early, maybe he wouldn't live with them forever like me. "She-she-she left. B-because I was-wasn't g-good."
My throat felt so dry and constricted that I was sure I'd stop breathing soon. He had never said that to me before, and I don't even know what I would say to him if he did. I remembered saying something similar to Charlie when I was a child and the response was somewhere along the lines of "maybe you're right".
"Th-that's why I'm g-gonna b-b-be re-really g-good this t-time. So Mom-mommy Bella won't l-leave." Tony had little stars in his eyes, and I felt my body moving towards him- but Charlie put his hand on Tony's face and wiped a small speck of a tear before I could.
"You're in luck, then. Your momma has a huge heart." Charlie gave Tony a ruffle of his hair and stepped back. "And I don't think your first momma left because you were bad, I think she might... maybe she had to go somewhere that she couldn't take you." I felt a small tear of my own escape my eye but shut my eyes against the traitorous feelings I was having. Why couldn't you tell me that? Why did you let me feel like it was my entire fault that I didn't have a specialmom too?
"Maybe." Tony shrugged it off. "If s-she e-e-ever comes back Sh-sheriff L-Leah said she'll b-beat her a-ass." They shared a laugh about it and Charlie helped him off of the porch as they started walking.
"Serves her right. But don't be cussing around your mom and dad okay? I say..." their voices and figures disappeared around the side of the house and I was too cowardly to make myself be known. My heart and brain had had enough for the hour... I could try again later.
