"Oi, Midoriya." Kaminari called out, successfully grasping Izuku's attention as he was packing his hero costume into its case.
"Mhm?" He hummed in response.
"You know how you can do that super strength shit—"
"You mean my quirk?"
"—does it work on your dick?"
The remaining scattered conversations in the locker room ground to a halt the second
Kaminari finished his sentence, with the 3 other 1-A boys still changing staring dead ahead at the pair.
Izuku, meanwhile, focused his attention solely on the yellow-haired teen beside him.
"Kaminari, I'm completely shirtless, and if it wasn't for my boxers and socks I'd be stark naked." He responded blankly. "I really don't wanna be talking about my penis right now."
"You know, it ain't a bad question." Kirishima pointed out from across the room. "Like, that whole 'full cowl' thing spreads the strength everywhere, so does that mean your wood gets buffed too?"
Izuku was about to take a moment to consider Kirishima's point, but ultimately shook his head to vanquish the thoughts.
One For All didn't get passed down 9 generations just to have its power used for penis pumping.
"I refuse to dignify that with an answer."
"I mean, it'd make sense, right?" Kirishima asked in the midst of tying his tie. "Logically, it'd be harder to maintain your quirk on everywhere but your penis. Hell, it's not like I exclusively single out my dick when I go 'unbreakable' mode—"
"Will you lot shut up already?!" Bakugo barked out, slamming his costume case shut. "We're here to change; not hear about shitty Deku and his shitty dick!"
Izuku would've preferred different wording, but he at least agreed with the sentiment behind the blond's statement.
"Fine, we'll stop talking about Midoriya's wood if it'll stop you from crying." Kaminari ducked under the shoe that was tossed his way. "Todoroki, what about you?"
Todoroki stopped doing his shirt's buttons in order to look towards Kaminari. "I don't particularly want to hear about Midoriya's penis either."
"No, not that." Kaminari backtracked. "Are you able to do any cool dick shit with your quirk?"
"Oh." Todoroki blinked. "Well, I suppose I can shoot fire from it." He pondered. "And ice. But that's pretty standard considering my quirk, so I wouldn't call it groundbreaking."
"Just for curiosity's sake," Izuku interjected, "why are you even asking?"
Kaminari smirked. "Simple - I'm tryna solidify myself as the guy with the most dick game in the class."
By this point, everyone had paused in their changing and were strewn about the locker room in various states of undress.
"Wait, what?" Izuku asked incredulously. "I mean, it's not like I care, but my quirk is literally enhancement. It's whole purpose is to make everything about me better, including my dick game."
He had no idea why he was even participating in such a debate—
Olay, that was a lie - he was participating because he was a competitive son of a bitch at heart. But still - a topic like this should've been beneath him. It had nothing to do with heroics or academics; it was just Kaminari's idiotic rambling at work.
Regardless, an L was an L, and he wasn't gonna take a loss here.
"Midoriya's gotcha there." Kirishima agreed. "Strength is definitely the most essential factor when it comes to laying pipe - a sturdy staff is the epitome is manliness."
"Thank you, Kirishima." Izuku said with a sincere smile. "It's great to see somebody has some sense in this room."
"I gotchu bro." The redhead grinned back. "Strong dicks gotta stick together."
"You two need a room?" Kaminari scoffed. "I've seen less dickriding in porn mags."
"Someone sounds pressed." Kirishima smirked.
Kaminari huffed and turned to face Todoroki.
Who, at this point, had completely given up on changing and instead sat in his boxers to observe the debate.
"It's all about the feeling of the dick, ain't it?" He gestured between himself and the stoic teen. "I'm able to stimulate nerves with weak electric tingles, and you're able to change your rod's temperature - that's what real dick game is all about."
Todoroki took a moment to consider.
"I'm not sure I fall into the same category as you." He hummed. "Changing temperature isn't anything special. You could achieve the same by dipping your penis in cold or hot water, depending on the intended goal."
Kaminari moved over and rubbed reassuring circles on his back. "Hey, don't sell yourself short bud."
"I really don't think Todoroki's all too depressed about it."
"There's stuff you're able to do that nobody else can." Kaminari ignored Izuku's interruption. "Like, what about shooting water? Limitless lube is a pretty good perk."
"Water's fucking useless as lube." Bakugo snorted. "You'd get less friction burn beating off with sandpaper."
"Plus, can't we technically all shoot water?" Kirishima tacked on. "It just sounds like pissing with extra steps."
"Spoilsports." Kaminari grumbled. "Besides, I don't know why you're talking Bakugo - you've got the weakest dick game here by a mile."
"…hah?"
"He's not wrong, per se." Izuku added hesitantly. "The rest of us can use our quirks on our wood for some added effect, while your quirk is just extra flammable sweat."
"Exactly. Like, I could pour gasoline on my dick and produce the same effect."
"Fucking infidels." Bakugo spat out. "I'm already packing heat down there - adding a quirk into the mix is overkill."
"Sounds like bullshit to me." Kaminari goaded. "There's no way you've got the biggest dick out of all of us."
Much to Izuku's concern, Bakugo barked out a laugh in response.
"Fucking bring it assholes."
"Kyoka, what's going on now—"
"Shhh!" Kyoka sharply hushed the pink-haired girl. "I can't concentrate properly if you lot distract me."
"This is so improper…" Momo sighed to herself.
Mina huffed and folded her arms over her chest. "Says the one with her ear pressed against the wall."
Momo's face flushed. "B-but, you're pressed against the wall too!" She countered accusingly. "I'm just here to…umm—keep you both in line!"
"Or you just wanna get an idea of what Todoroki's packing." Mina smirked. "It's almost like you wanna keep him in line, if ya know what I'm talking about~"
"What does that even mean?!"
"It means you're tryna get dicked—"
Kyoka rolled her eyes and drowned out the arguing in the background, opting to focus her attention on her jacks embedded in the locker room wall.
On other days, she mostly overheard the boys discussing trivial topics, such as the latest hero news, or the latest manga chapter of whatever they were into.
Today, however, she overheard their discussion regarding 'dick game' and couldn't help but listen in.
Not for perverted reasons, of course. She couldn't really care less about what most of the guys were packing. What she really wanted was some useful ammo to tease Kaminari with, and bearing in mind it sounded like they were having a literal dick measuring contest, this seemed like a prime opportunity.
'Alright - drop 'em sparky.'
"Shut up - both of you." Kyoka hissed, successfully petering out their argument. "They're about to start."
She also might've agreed to clue Momo and Mina in on the conversation in exchange for their silence. Kyoka was surprised Momo agreed, considering her integrity and all, but she wasn't going to look a gifthorse in the mouth.
'Isn't this kind of…weird?' She heard Todoroki ponder.
'It's just showing dicks to the boys.' Kyoka could practically hear Kirishima's shrug through his tone. 'It's only weird if you make it weird.'
A couple of scuffling sounds later, and Kyoka nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Bakugo barking out a laugh.
'I knew you weren't packing anything special dunceface!'
'Average size works just fine for me.' Kaminari countered suavely. 'Doesn't change the fact that my quirk's a thousand times more useful than yours.'
Kyoka couldn't help but hold a shred of respect for Kaminari's self confidence.
She was still going to mock the shit outta him, but at least now she'd be sure to do it with a smidge more deference.
"So?" Mina piped up. "What's happening?"
"Kaminari's decent enough from what I can hear."
Mina groaned. "Boring."
'Deku - drop 'em.'
Kyoka heard an exasperated sigh followed by more shuffling, and—
'Holy shit - their dicks are like the exact same size!' She heard Kirishima yell in awe.
'Deku you damn copycat—'
'It's genetics!' Midoriya shrieked, and Kyoka could imagine him holding his hands up in faux-surrender. 'Even if, by some ungodly reason I wanted to copy your penis size, it's impossible!'
'Well there's no way in hell I'm gonna tie with you of all people.' Bakugo growled. 'I'm sure I'm bigger at full mast - let's measure it.'
'Kacchan, I'm not beating off in a room full of guys.' Midoriya stated resolutely.
'Tch, pussy.' The explosive teen murmured.
Kyoka released a breath she didn't know she was holding. She really wasn't keen on listening to her classmates jerk off with only a wall separating them.
"Midoriya and Bakugo ended up as a tie." Kyoka announced to her friends.
"Wait, an honest to God tie?" Mina asked incredulously. "Ain't that pretty rare?"
"I'm sure there are a few external factors contributing to the result." Momo muttered. "If we take into account the temperature spread within the room, it's possible that one of them is colder than the oth—"
"Nevermind - stopped caring." Mina interrupted.
'Icyhot - your turn.'
'…do I have to?'
Kyoka heard all the other boys serenade a 'Yes' and couldn't help but let out an involuntary snort.
A few seconds of shuffling passed, and she strained her quirk to pick up on the quieter noises.
'God fucking dammit!' Bakugo abruptly yelled, all the while throwing a punch at the wall in frustration. 'How the fuck are you packing the most?!'
Unfortunately, Kyoka was very unprepared for the outburst, and when coupled with the impact against the wall she reflexively channeled her heartbeat through her earphone jacks.
Which had the adverse effect of causing the wall to crumble into pebbles, revealing both a fully naked Todoroki and half-naked Bakugo.
The boys understandably all wore 'deer-in-headlights' expressions on their faces, while the girls were equally stunned. In her peripheral, Kyoka spotted a trail of blood flowing out of Momo's nose and assumed she was sufficiently out of commission.
The silence lasted a solid dozen seconds before Mina broke it with an awkward cough.
"So uhh…" The pink haired girl snapped her eyes unashamedly down Todoroki's form before looking back up and throwing him a pair of finger guns. "Nice cock?"
Hope you enjoyed!
