Bose immediately rushed home when Mika called him. He could barely make out what she was saying because she had been sobbing but as clear as day he heard, "Please come home,". When he unlocked the door he called out for her throughout the apartment and when he didn't hear a reply he went up to their room worried. When he entered he heard soft whimpers from the bathroom.
Mika sat on the toilet seat hunched over with her hands covering her face and she was wearing one of his oversized shirts. Bose carefully approached her so he wouldn't startle her. Saying that he was feeling panicked was an understatement. Bose kneeled down next to her placing his hand on her thigh to let her know he was here, "What's wrong?" He worried. When Mika felt his touch she jerked a little and refused to look at him, her cries becoming harder. Mika shook her head trying to speak no words came out.
There were no words to describe how absolutely devasted and traumatized she was. She should have known something was wrong when her cramps were excruciating the last couple of days. She was even more confused when she came to use the bathroom and saw blood. She thought it might have been her period or just symptoms of her early pregnancy but when she noticed what appeared to be very large blood clots. She put the piece together and figured out what had happened. She became sick and felt like she was gonna throw up from how dumbstruck she was.
Bose was trying to hold her up, pushing the hair away from her face to try to get her to talk to him and all he got were broken sobs in response. "Mika, you have to tell me what happened so i can help you," He spoke over her. He was trying his best not to show how freaked out he was seeing her like this.
"I...," She trailed off.
"I came in here and-," She tried to piece her words together.
She took a breathe feeling Bose's encouraging squeeze on her shoulder. If the words came out of her mouth it would make this all too real.
"I came in here to use the bathroom and..and i saw it, there was so much blood and i think-" Another cry cut her off but Bose didn't make her finish. He knew all too well what happened. His whole body went numb when he realized. Now he was the one who was nauseous. His head started spinning and he felt the room suddenly start to close. He was indeed speechless, he gave himself a moment leaning his back against the bathroom door to process it. It was like a cut had been marked on his chest and made its way to his heart
Mika had miscarried at 12 weeks pregnant.
Tears started to well up his eyes but he quickly held them back when she saw Mika with her head down, fingers gripping her scalp under her curls on opposite sides. He was hurt but he knew she had it worse. He turned his attention to her taking her face in her hands and her teary eyes looked into his. "It's gonna be okay," He assured. She nodded wanting to believe him and began weeping uncontrollably again. Bose carefully brought her to the ground with him and leaned his back against the wall. Mika sat in front of him placing the back of her head on his chest while protectively wrapping his arms around her, holding Mika as she cried like never before.
He wanted to be strong for her but it was really hard to not break down with her. He started evening out his breathing to get a hold of himself. He couldn't look at her because it hurt him even more that he couldn't make her feel better.
"It's all my fault," He heard her softly weep and he looked down at her, holding Mika tighter. Now that wrecked him. "Don't say that, you didn't know what was gonna happen, it's not your fault Mika," He kissed the top of her head. She was running out of her tears and Bose took his other hand to hold hers and Mika tightly squeezed it, needing to feel something other than grief. Even under the circumstances, his touch gave her some comfort, and holding his hand assured her that she wouldn't float away because he was there.
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After they had come back from the doctor's office that night, Mika had finally stopped crying. But not by choice, she had simply run out of tears. Bose on the other hand was becoming mentally exhausted processing today but he kept it together for Mika. The two indulged in each other for comfort, arms wrapped around each other, lying side by side, closer than ever, making the bed feel huge. Bose lovingly rubbed Mika's soft skin as her head full of curls rested against his chest. They peacefully stayed still, listening to each other breathing, it was the only sign they had that they were still alive.
"I'm sorry, I know you really want kids Bose, and I really wanted to be the one to do this for you, for us," Mika whimpered, breaking the silence. Yes, this was something they've talked about ever since they started dating and he remembered how ecstatically shocked he had been when she first confirmed she was pregnant. Now it was breaking his heart that she was insisting she was the problem. He knew Mika took things really hard and this was making her feel like she either didn't do enough or wasn't enough. "Stop apologizing, my love, this isn't your fault. These things happen. You did the best you could and I'm proud of you for trying," Bose sympathized. She carefully listened to him, closing her eyes.
She inhaled and slowly exhaled to stop herself from shaking. Bose noticed and squeezed her, in a way saying 'i love you'.
Another couple of minutes went by in silence until Mika spoke again, "What happens now?". She was new to feeling clueless because she was usually the one with all the answers, but not this time. Bose nervously bit his lip trying to think of the right thing to say. "Well, we take things slow and give us time to grieve," he advised, "and then we see where we can go from there," he softly kisses the top of her head and she gently nodded. She felt a little less lost hearing him.
Bose reached for a small fully blanket on their nightstand and drapped it around them. Mika adjusted herself more comfortably as Bose made sure they were covered. Neither of them understood how exactly they were supposed to fall asleep tonight, however holding each other's hands as they tried to drift into a slumber ensured them that there might be a tomorrow, and their might be hope.
