Time Loop Theory. 138/139 spoilers if you squint. E&M deserve happiness, but angst is my kink.

This world is cruel but I still love you. Even if I sacrifice everything, I will protect you


Ymir demanded a sacrifice. Who was Eren to deny his goddess?

He knelt before her; palms open, forehead touching the sandy planes of her realm. He found himself in this exact position countless times as history repeated itself. Again, and again.

Forever.

Broken and bleeding at the goddesses' feet, he would cry to her, beg for her to end his plight; to end all of their suffering. He would do anything, anything, to release his people from their cruel fate. The cycle had to end.

He died for her, many times over. Sometimes quickly, sometimes brutally. By his own hand or at the mercy of others. He shed blood for her, laid out his life for her, only to return kneeling before the Titan Queen.

"Please," Eren begged. "Tell what it is you want. How do I end this nightmare?"

Ymir said nothing, raising her small hand and pointing at him. With an agonized wail, Eren was sent back to the beginning, forced to live it all over again.

The cycle would start anew. His home would fall, he would vow revenge, become a titan, join the scouts, learn the truth, fight for peace, try to break the curse, and fail to save anyone.

He would fail. Every time, he would fail.

Again, and again.

Eren had lost another chance, returning to the Paths to face Ymir.

He looked up at her. Titan scars etched on his face, his eternal tears. "No more," he gasped. "I won't do this anymore."

The goddess pointed towards him again, sending him back to the cruel world he could never escape. Ymir wanted blood. Just not his.

Eren began sacrificing lives to her. Dozens, hundreds, thousands. Titan and human alike. It made no difference to him. He would bring the world to its knees if it meant his people could live free of the Curse of the Titans.

His hands dripping with blood at the foot of his master. He was a monster. 'The Devil of All Earth'. His soul forever stained with the lives he had taken, yet the queen remained insatiable.

He took Ymir's hands in his, staining her porcelain skin. "You won't accept my life, or the millions of souls I have reaped for you. It isn't blood that you want, or revenge on this world. So, what is it? What can I give you to make you end all of this?"

The goddess points to him again, her finger aimed at his chest.

"What?" Eren demanded. "My heart? Take it. Take it then!" He would rip it from his chest, beating and bleeding, if it meant release from this hell. Ymir made no attempt to further communicate her demands. It was up to Eren to decipher her meaning.

Once again, he was doomed to repeat his cursed life.

He began sacrificing relationships. He caused the death of his mother, betrayed his brother, manipulated his father. He forced his friends to partake in instigating a war. He caused them pain. He brought them to their deaths. He forcefully removed himself from their lives. Eren closed off his heart, dedicating himself to his goal.

Eren died alone. Sometimes his friends would reach out, try to bring him home. Sometimes they would leave his side without a second thought.

It was agonizing. He couldn't continue down those paths. Eren needed his friends. They were the reason he continued to search, to suffer, looking for an answer. His fight was for them.

He was tired. Bone-weary, Eren wanted nothing more than to stop. Stop fighting, stop searching, stop moving. How many possibilities were there? How many ended in his demise? Would he ever achieve the freedom he so desperately craved?

Beginning again, Eren started looking for a simpler option. He saw a path he had previously considered, a small choice that would free only him. The world would burn around him, but he could find a moment of peace in this life. It wouldn't matter anyway. He was doomed to come back. Why not indulge, just this once.

He returned to the Paths, on his knees before the Founder. There was a quiet smile on his lips, the memories from his last lifetime still fresh in his mind. It was the one respite Ymir granted him in the Paths; access to his past memories. He would accept this failure, and return once again.

Eren held out his hands to the queen, waiting to be sent straight back into hell. "I will find a way to free us," he promised her, resolutely. "Give me your strength."

Ymir took his hand, pointing to a spot behind him. Eren turned to see what she was showing him, what she had been trying to show him for eternity.

A woman stood behind them, shadows covering her. Eren couldn't see her face, but he recognized her presence, steadfast and sure.

Mikasa

The other half of his soul

The one he would find and grow to love with each passing cycle, and she would seek and protect him in turn.

Again, and again

Forever

His vow to her.

Eren kept that promise. In every lifetime, in every cycle. He would love her and fight for her and protect her from the cruelty of their world. He remembered the life where he got to love her, openly, freely. The life where he realized it too late. The life he had ripped away from him after just meeting her. He remembered them all.

Ymir stepped around her Titan Warrior, focusing her attention on his beloved. Mikasa held out her hand towards them.

Eren had spent an eternity trying to figure out what Ymir had been asking of him. He had tried giving her everything. Blood. Revenge. Death. The goddess never wanted any of those things, no matter how many times Eren had wrought them for her. Maybe he had lost sight of her wish, focusing instead on his own selfish goals.

What is he really fighting for?

Freedom

The freedom to live in this world. To live a long life. To be with the people he loved.

Love

Their love

Her love

Ymir had only wanted love

Eren looked back to where Mikasa was waiting for him.

In the last life, he had died quietly in her arms. She had murmured parting words, her hands cradling his face. His last view was her tear-stained smile. It had been his favorite ending so far. They had abandoned the war, left the bloodshed behind them, and dedicated the twilight of his existence to each other.

Eren felt his heart twinge. He had chosen selfishly in that timeline. The war ravaged his home. His people suffered. The curse continued. He had turned his back on it all for a few years holding the woman he loved.

He had chosen selfishly in every timeline. Every action, every decision. Eren told himself it was for the good of Eldia, for his friends. But there was always one final sacrifice he was unwilling to make.

No matter what he did, no matter what choices he made, he could never let her go. In every life, he had tried to hold on to her for as long as possible. She had always followed of her own accord, choosing to stay by his side in any capacity she could, and he had never rebuked her.

He wasn't strong enough to go through it alone. He needed her. He had denied it, fought against it, and succumbed to that fact again and again.

Eren needed Mikasa.

He had set out to sacrifice himself to save the world, but every time he would end up sacrificing the world to save her.

"No," Eren choked. "I can't sacrifice Mikasa. I won't."

They chased each other through eternity, loving and fighting and dying for one another. Over and over again, their tragedy played out. Always missing each other, always slipping just out of reach.

Eren and Mikasa couldn't love each other in this lifetime. So, they continued on in the next.

Again

And again

And again

And again

Ymir moved towards Mikasa, pointing at the woman in earnest.

"No!" Eren wailed. "No, not Mikasa. Please. Please! It can't be her!"

She was the beauty of his cruel world. His humanity. His home.

There wasn't a path he could choose where she wasn't a part of his life. Nothing could keep them apart. Not time. Not death. Not the war, or the curse. No matter which direction he chose to move in, Mikasa always followed.

Again, and again

And then Eren realized.

They were the ones deciding the fate of the world. They were the ones prolonging this nightmare. The magnetic draw they had on each other; two planets caught in each other's gravity. Doomed for disaster the moment they collided.

Eren and Mikasa couldn't love each other. Not in this lifetime. Not in the next. They had to sacrifice their love in order to be free.

He couldn't though. Eren wasn't strong like she was. He wasn't selfless like her. Protecting Mikasa had been his purpose since the moment they met. Sacrificing her went against every instinct in his body.

He had killed for her. He would die for her.

She would do anything for him. Her love was boundless. She would set him free herself, if only she knew how.

Mikasa

Ymir reached hesitantly for Mikasa, almost pleadingly.

Set me free

Love

The Titan Queen needed love to set her free.

Pure and unselfish.

Eren understood.

Ymir wanted love. Just not his.

The choice, the sacrifice, was never his to make.

He could cry and beg and bleed all he wanted. The goddess didn't choose him. Her wish for freedom was not his to grant. It had never been him. He was only the vessel. It was Mikasa who would end Ymir's pain.

The path became clear. Eren could see his destiny finally fulfilled. Mikasa continued to reach for him, their entangled fate in her hands. They were so close, so close, to ending the curse. Two thousand years of suffering. All they had to do was let go of each other.

A gesture of unselfish love.

Ymir required a sacrifice. Who was Eren to deny his goddess?

Eren moved towards Mikasa.

The one who would love him

The one who would end him

The one who would free him


It's not even funny how many times I have listened to Akuma no Ko and cried. This series ending is going to shatter me. Ugh

Reviews are always appreciated. Check out my other AOT fic titled The Path That We're On. I'm gonna write more because AOT gives me so many feelings, so keep an eye out!

Emmy