"All pilots, report to the bridge," came a voice over the intercom. Shinji headed to the command center, hoping he wasn't about to be chewed out. The battle had gone pretty well, but he lost his focus at the end. He was pressed up against Rei's Eva, and he got… distracted. His mind began to wander to the last time that happened, and-
He shook the thought from his head, walking into the command center. He was the last one there, Misato and the other pilots waiting for him.
"Great job, everyone," Misato said. "You could have stuck the landing better, but we're here, and we're alive."
"You're welcome," Asuka said. Misato went back to talking.
"Since you've all been training so hard, and since I'm technically in charge right now, I thought we could all enjoy a little retreat to the onsen! What do you think?" she asked.
Mari and Asuka were all in. Shinji just wanted to go home and sleep. Rei didn't particularly mind one way or another.
"I take it I'm invited as well?" came Kaji's voice.
"Kaji-san!" Asuka said, her demeanor switching in an instant.
"Why would I ever invite you?" Misato asked.
"Shinji can't be the only guy going, he'll be all alone!" Kaji said. Misato grumbled. He had a point, Asuka wasn't about to let him anywhere near her in a bath.
"Fine," she said, rubbing her temples. Kaji grinned.
-
Shinji sat down in the warm water, feeling it lapping at his sides as he relaxed in the hot springs. He felt very relaxed, and he wished more missions could end like this. Pen-Pen floated in the water nearby, soaking in the heat.
"Long day, huh, Shinji-kun?" Kaji said, stepping into the water.
"K-Kaji-san," Shinji said, a little embarrassed. "I guess it has been," he answered.
Kaji relaxed, sighing deeply as he sat down.
"You saved us again today, I thought I should say thank you," he said.
"I-it's fine," Shinji replied.
"Shinji," Kaji said. "You need to respect yourself more. You saved all of us. You saved us twice all on your own. You should be proud."
"T-thanks," Shinji said.
Kaji leaned his head back, looking up at the sky. The sun was setting, and the sky was awash with shades of purple and orange, reflecting off the rippling waves of the hot springs. Shinji looked up too, mesmerized by the beauty of the sunset. He heard some commotion from the other side of the bamboo wall, where the girls were staying. Shinji blushed, thinking of Rei, and that time in her apartment-
He looked back down, shaking his head and trying to stop that from happening. Why was he having these thoughts? He liked her, sure, but it was just friendly, right? He kept telling himself that, even though he shouldn't be as embarrassed to admit it if it were just friendship.
"Do you ever feel lonely, Shinji?" he asked.
Shinji took a moment to think. The obvious answer was yes, but he never really thought about why. He was almost always around other people, especially in the past week. But it never brought him the happiness he thought it should. He was with other people, but those were often the times he felt loneliest.
"Yeah," came his reply.
"Me too," he said.
"Really?" Shinji didn't imagine someone like him would be lonely. He was handsome and tall, and confident.
Kaji chuckled. "Yes," he said. "Often."
Shinji felt a little embarrassed. "Oh," he said. "I didn't know."
"It's why I asked," he reassured.
Shinji thought about that for a minute, lying in the warm water.
"Do you think dating Rei will make the loneliness go away?" Kaji asked.
Shinji blushed. "I, that's not-"
"C'mon, it's obvious, Shinji. You said as much yourself," he interrupted.
"I… I guess," he said. "Even with the house so crowded, I still feel lonely. But not when I talk to her," he said.
Kaji smiled. He had overheard Rei saying the same thing about him before the battle. He thought about telling Shinji but decided against it. If Shinji wanted to talk to her, he needed to do it himself. He wouldn't grow if he knew for sure she wouldn't reject him.
"It sounds like you really care about her, Shinji. You need to tell her that. Imagine if she told you that, wouldn't that make you feel a lot better?" Kaji asked.
"Yeah," he said. He knew Kaji was right, but he couldn't do it. She would never like him the same way, he knew it. All Shinji could imagine was her laughing at him, or telling Asuka, or worse, just walking away. He would ruin the relationship he had managed to build with her.
"But what if she doesn't feel the same?" Shinji asked.
Kaji shrugged. "Then you can still be friends. But you'll never know if you don't try," he said.
"Why don't you talk to Misato-san, then?" Shinji asked.
Kaji was caught off-guard. "What do you mean?" he asked, his smile faltering.
"You like her, don't you?" he replied.
"...That's different," Kaji said. Shinji raised an eyebrow.
Kaji leaned back. 'I walked into that one, didn't I?' he thought. 'Maybe I should take my own advice.'
-
That night, Shinji slept on the couch, having to press up against the cushions to not roll over and fall off in his sleep. He couldn't find a good position and he missed the sounds of the other people in the room. He could do without Misato's snoring, but the gentle breathing of everyone else helped him fall asleep. The room was eerily silent now, save for the quiet sounds of crickets outside.
He was lonely and lost on what to do. He wanted to tell her, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. She would never like him back. Besides, they were already friends anyway, right? There was no harm in just keeping things the way they were. If he opened his big mouth he would be sure to ruin everything. Besides, Kaji wasn't even taking his advice. So why should he? He resolved to just keep things the way they were and nodded off to an uncomfortable sleep.
Rei slept in the closet-turned-room and had a hard time falling asleep. The bed was comfortable, far more comfortable than the bed in her apartment was. But it didn't feel right. She had always slept alone, for her whole life. But she enjoyed sleeping in the same room as everyone the past few nights. She especially enjoyed the lulling sound of Shinji's breathing. With that gone, all she had left was silence.
She found herself thinking about what she was feeling, something she had almost never done before. She thought, of course, but never about herself. Only about her purpose, or the book she was reading. She didn't know how to deal with the flurry of thoughts running through her mind.
Shinji. She wished she was with him right now. He made her feel… warm. She didn't know how to describe it. She felt calmer around him, more able to express herself. She wanted to tell him, but she felt strange every time she tried. Her legs would refuse to carry her and her lips would refuse to speak. Maybe she should speak with Misato about it the next day. She thought about telling Mari, but she didn't know the girl very well. Asuka was a lost cause as well. She wouldn't take Ritsuko's advice again after last time.
Rei drifted off to sleep, lonely and cold in her bed. She felt far lonelier than when she had lived by herself.
-
Fuyutsuki stood at attention across the desk from the commander. Ikari had returned that morning from his special assignment.
"You handled the seventh well, Fuyutsuki," Gendo said. It was the closest to praise the man would ever get to.
"Captain Katsuragi deserves all the credit. She devised the plan to defeat the Angel, and was able to revise it successfully on short notice."
Gendo grunted, his eyes hidden behind the gleaming white panes of his glasses.
"I believe she deserves a promotion for her prowess in commanding, not only during our last battle but operation Yashima as well."
"Are the pilots still living with Katsuragi?" Gendo asked.
"That is correct," Fuyutsuki said.
"Have the first child relocated to her previous living arrangements. That is all," Gendo said.
Fuyutsuki nodded. He turned and left the room.
