—Present Day—

San Francisco, California


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SUBJECT: YOU LEFT ME?

Lisa,

You told me to be ready at 7:30 and you're already gone???

Jennie


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SUBJECT: RE: YOU LEFT ME?

Jennie,

It's 7:33. Get a watch that works.

And yes, I did leave you. Call Greg.

Lisa


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SUBJECT: MY GODDAMN Briefs.

Jennie,

I've seen you wear three different pairs of my briefs this week (without fucking asking), so I'm going to assume that you took my laundry out of the dryer and have more of them.

Can you please bring a pair to my bathroom so I can wear them after my shower, please?

Now.

Lisa


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SUBJECT: RE: MY GODDAMN Briefs.

Lisa,

I did take your laundry out of the dryer (Since it was sitting there for three days straight) because I needed to wash my own clothes.

I would love to bring you your 'goddamn briefs,' but seeing as though your bathroom is on the other side of the house, that's a clear violation of rule #2.

No.

Jennie


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SUBJECT: MUSIC.

Jennie,

For those of us who CAN sleep at night, can you keep the music down in the kitchen while you're baking, please?

PS—Let me know when the next batch of cinnamon rolls is ready.

Lisa


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SUBJECT: RE: MUSIC

Lisa,

I'll keep the music down once you agree to stop leaving me for work every morning.

PS—They're ready now.

Jennie


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SUBJECT: THANK YOU.

Lisa,

Thank you for sitting with me last night since I couldn't sleep again. (I should have my new meds soon so it won't happen as often.)

Brownie?

Jennie


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SUBJECT: RE: THANK YOU.

Jennie,

This email would be far more believable if you weren't wearing another set of my briefs and keeping me up with your music in the kitchen again...

Yes.

Lisa


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SUBJECT: RE: RE: THANK YOU.

Lisa,

Or maybe it'd be more believable if you hadn't LEFT ME here this morning for work again...

Jennie


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SUBJECT: COMPANY

Lisa,

Since you CLEARLY weren't being serious about us "becoming friends again" like you claimed in that text message you supposedly never sent, can I bring a (male) date over tonight, or is having company against your rules?

Jennie


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SUBJECT: RE: COMPANY

Jennie,

I fucking dare you...

Lisa

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