Blog Seven: The Bright Side of Life
Good evening loyal readers – what an interesting two days it's been since we last spoke. How have you been? Is that cold getting better? Did you watch the latest episode of 'The Real Housewives of Castelia City'? Did you do well on that maths test? You failed? That sucks. Well, I nearly got blown up twice, so ha ha, I win.
Yes, once again my dearest cyber friends that I've never met, I got involved in several bombings these past few days. But, you know me, I don't like looking on the negative side of things, it's just so… well, negative! So for today's blog, I thought I would look on the positive side of what's happened.
1) I met a lovely Nidoran on my way to Saffron who I decided to catch, and she was already named Nadia (this is a female Nidoran; after all, as Nadia is a boys name – I once knew a boy called Nadia, but I think was foreign. I mean, when has anyone from Kanto worn colourful suspenders for the fun of it?)
2) I met a lovely couple called Andy and Judy that run a breeding center. You should go and visit them as they gave me Nadia and Sandy a lovely egg that is apparently a Pichu. (Here's a brain tingler for you: what do you think hurts more, laying an egg or pushing a baby out of your HELLOOO SAILORS! ? )
3) The Underground Tunnel has a lovely chance to redecorate. I mean seriously: limited lightning, a dull colour scheme, a perfect hotspot for perverts and even more robots. Where's Queer Eye for the Straight Tunnel when you need them?
4) I finally have an awesome scar to actually prove I've got involved in all of these things. You see, this Electrode Bot exploded after Sandy and the Pokemon saved my ass (no thanks to that weird gun Bill gave me – FLARES, REALLY?), along with that mysterious shadowed man, and I got the full brunt of it and suffered a severe head wound. Ain't that just bitching yo? (Head injury = excuse for talking gangsta)
5) I got to meet ex Hoenn Champion Steven Stone! I didn't get autographs for you guys though… Hmmm, I wonder if auctioning off prizes would get me more viewers?
6) I had some hot chips. They were pretty choice, but if it wasn't for Steven revealing Bill suspected something about the blue lightning I would have finished them all.
Oh yes, I had a weird dream as well! It had blue flashing lighting and creepy silhouettes talking to me, just like a rave! Technically, this should be Number 7…
8)(Technically) Vermilion has a nice view, unless you dislike the colour blue, than I recommend you don't go there
9) I got to take part in my third gym battle. Probably not that great as Lt Surge (Lt of what, I ask? – being a douchebag? Having nice muscles? Being a douchebag?) was a bit of a dick – or a douchebag, call him what you want! But yes, I got to battle my ass off, which involved destroying his little mind game, using Paige to defeat Raichu (B-B-B-BOOO YAH!) and Darwin learning a new move, even though he continued to disobey me.
10) I got to see Zapdos and Suicune! ZOMG GUYS, I AM LIKE TOTES SERIOUS! Cause all these buildings totally began getting blown up and the entire dockyard got torn a new one, so these guys came swooping in and were all like "ZAP!" and this weird Pokemon was all like "BEAM!" and then their attacks were all like "BOOM!" Sandy, Mitchell and I nearly got killed, which is always fun, but than that thing from my dream appeared and protected me and then told me that everyone I know will be killed before me I keep trying to succeed my dreams. Than he healed my wound, leaving the scar, and everything went back to normal.
11) I got to get pushed around in a chair all day…. Which is nice.
So yes, that has been my past few days Let's see you try and top that one then…
In all seriousness, my dear readers, I am not in a good place. I have basically been told that if I continue to try and achieve my dreams, I am going to get killed, yet if I achieve them, I am only going to be disappointed. Steven told me that last part, and I am not sure if he was making this up or not, but I must admit is there on my thoughts: do I really want to work for the people who seem to be trying to control my life? Mitchell had a little tanty during the attack on Vermilion and revealed that all the gym leaders seem to be giving me attention, so I have a feeling they are watching me more than I would like.
And then there is good ol' Gideon: he blew up half of Vermilion and the majority of Chrono Island, and I only have a small idea as to what he may he be doing. I don't really know why he blew these things up, but he is a mad scientist after all, so surely he'll have some mad reason for doing so. But, quite frankly, I don't want to go after him. I don't see why I have to be the one to take him down: I only started my journey a few fricking weeks ago and now I am supposed to stop some terrorist? That is so nice of the gym leaders and elite people to put this on me – I should send them all a Christmas card.
But I mean really: I've got blue lightning zapping all around, some Pokemon giving me cryptic advice and headaches, a shadowed man following me around who I am not even sure if he is still alive or not, a bunch of robots following me like some electrical perverts, and I'm trying to work out what the gym leaders all want from me. Add that to a Paras that is still too afraid in battle, a Primeape that won't listen to me and even Nadia seems to have some seemingly aggressive tendencies as well. I am a trainer, not Jack Bauer, James Bond and G.I. Jane rolled into one! (Why all the J names I wonder? Jalaska should be my gangsta superhero name) I've got more problems than a Maths book with my Pokemon and I don't need to have all these mother fucking mysteries dumped on me by some wizened old dicks with wizened old dicks who can't fight this battle for themselves!
Before I go, here are some final questions for you?
1) Eggs or the good ol' birth canal? Thoughts?
2) What is Surge the Lieutenant of?
3) Who do you think is sending robots after me?
4) That mysterious man from the Beedrill's Nest: who do you think he is and is he still alive?
5) Any thoughts on how to deal with any of my Pokemon's problems?
6) Do Suicune and Zapdos still belong to Red? If so, why do you think they were in Vermilion?
If any of you have relatives who died in either the nuclear bombing or destruction of Vermilion, I am sorry for your loss. I still have no idea what to do, but it keeps feeling as if no matter what I do, I am going to have this war forced upon me. *sighs dramatically* As soon as the doctor clears me to leave, I am getting down to Fuchsia and as far away from all of this as I can, and hopefully not find some more mysteries along the way.
But, for the time being, I am going to focus on my training: I have completed my third step towards completing my goal, and I am making sure that, no matter what, I complete the final five.
Until next time,
Your Friendly Neighbourhood Alaska A.
Before you start going "Ooooh, she's going to Fuchsia instead!", she's not ;) But you won't find out where she is actually going for a little while...
