—The Past—
Cambridge, Massachusetts
..
DEAR ZEN JOURNAL,
Mark my words. I'm going to marry Lisa Manoban one day.
It may not be now—because she still treats me like a kid from time to time, especially whenever Hanbin is around. And it may not be in the near future—because I'm going to college soon, and my brother is taking his company to San Francisco #BOO.
But, I'm going to marry her.
Even though she's involved in my brother's start-up company and she's always busy, she never hesitates to listen to my problems when I ask her to. She calls me when I go away on school retreats to check on me, and we talk all night about absolutely nothing. She treats me to lunch (or dinner) whenever I ask, and she's attempted to teach me code multiple times (it's not sticking) and she never gets frustrated with how bad I am at it.
She does, however, get upset when I beat her in Scrabble. (Why does she still not understand that CHUM is always the winning word?)
She's the best friend I've ever had (although she just calls me her "close friend") and I've heard that you're supposed to marry your closest friend so it makes perfect sense.
I bet you a million I'll be her wife someday,
Jennie
PS—You know what? I'm going to make sure I go to a college near San Francisco so I can be sure that she's always close by.
..
"What are you over there smiling about, Jennie?" Lisa asked, looking at me from across the room.
"Nothing, just a school assignment."
"Are you sure it's just a school assignment?" The redheaded girl sitting next to Lisa smiled. "You've been smiling nonstop since you sat down writing."
I didn't respond to her. Her name was Minnie, but I only referred to her as "red-headed girl" because in a few weeks, that's all she would be to Lisa. She was Lisa's current girlfriend, but those never lasted longer than a week in Lisa world.
I shut my notebook and walked to the living room, rolling my eyes at all the people sprawled over the carpet—typing away at their laptops. My brother was sitting in the corner as usual, with one hand on his keyboard and the other on his cell-phone.
Walking over to him, I sat on a bean bag. "Hanbin?"
"Yes, Jennie?"
"Have you ever been in love before?"
He laughed. "No. Why?"
"Just asking. Wanted to know if I was or not."
"You're probably not."
"How do you know?"
"Well, first you'd need someone to be in love with, Jennie." He smiled at me. "Second, you're a bit young to be talking about love."
"I'm in high school."
"You've skipped some grades." He tilted his head to the side. "But, I'll play. Who's the lucky guy you think you're in love with?"
The word "Lisa" was on my lips, but something told me not to say it. Something told me to lock that admission away in the same box where our former summer nights and secret prom kiss belonged.
"I'm not in love, Han," I said, standing up. "I was just trying to get some answers out of you."
"I figured." He laughed. "I bought new coffees and teas for you to make if you get tired of all the people in the house."
"Thanks." I bent down and gave him a hug, and then I walked back to Lisa's room. I needed to pen a new entry about what it was like sharing a house with a group of annoying startup people, but when I returned to the room "redheaded girl" was reading from my journal. And the room was filled with a group of other people who were listening as well.
I froze in the doorway as my written words left her lips, as Lisa laughed—fucking laughed, along with everyone else.
"I bet you a million I'll be her wife someday?" Lisa's girlfriend cackled. "Oh god, Lisa! You really need to tell her she's not your close friend, and she's living in a fantasy world before she stalks you or something."
"Yeah Lis," one of the other guys said. "This is why we told you not to talk to her so much. She thinks you actually have something in common outside of her brother."
"She's just a kid with a crush, guys," someone else said. "Don't take this too seriously. If she wants to think they're that close, then in her mind they're that close."
I waited for her to defend me, to say that I was her close friend. That everyone else in this room had only known her for under a year, but she didn't say anything. She just laughed, shattering my naive heart to pieces in the process.
Wiping tears from my face, I rushed out of the room and went to Han's closet—pulling my other journal from the bottom dresser.
..
DEAR (SECOND) DIARY,
I take back everything I said about Lisa in my other diary, and I take back thinking about being closer to her in college.
I'll make sure I go someplace like Memphis—deep in the South, so I don't have to deal with someone who's so hot and cold to their so-called close friend.
Love Sucks,
Jennie
..
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