—Present Day—
San Francisco, California
..
I hit play on today's bank of text messages from Lisa and crossed my arms as they came through the speakers.
"Jennie, please call me back." Beep!
"Jennie, please pick up. At least call me back." Beep!
"Jennie, I definitely have feelings for you, and I didn't mean any of what I said to you that night. You have to believe me. I'm not sure if you remember your first night yet, but what I said when I took you back to your suite after the rooftop party? That was true, even though I denied it for the first few weeks when you came to stay with me. I also want you to know that I'm not going to stop calling you, texting you, or sending you flowers until you talk to me. Please just talk to me..." Beep!
Her name suddenly came across my screen for the tenth time today via phone call, but I still couldn't bring myself to answer. There was no excuse for what she'd said to me, and for all her talk about "rules," she still had a lot to learn about mutual respect.
"Very fun..."
I turned off my phone and slipped into my shower, letting the hot streams sting my skin until I couldn't feel them anymore. I put on a T-shirt and jeans, and then I texted Greg and told him I was ready to be picked up for Han's wedding rehearsal.
I braced myself for seeing Lisa there—hoping like hell she wouldn't make a scene in front of everyone. Hoping like hell she would just leave me alone.
"Good evening, Miss Kim." Greg opened the door for me.
"Good evening, Greg."
"You're the last one to schedule a pick-up. Is that a coincidence?"
"Not at all." I looked out the window. "Is Ms. Manoban already there?"
"Ms. Manoban is no longer a part of your brother's wedding."
What? "Why?"
"Surely you know the answer to that, Miss Kim." His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, and my heart sank.
Hanbin knew about us?
I sat still in the backseat until we arrived at the wedding venue, and I didn't even wait for Greg to open the backdoor for me. I stepped out and walked inside, spotting Hanbin surrounded by the other bridesmaids.
I didn't say hello or reintroduce myself to anyone. I walked right up to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him down the hall and into an empty room.
"Well, hello to you as well, Jennie." He looked concerned. "Is something wrong?"
"Lisa dumped me out of the blue a few weeks ago," I said. "Did you have anything to do with that?"
"I don't understand the question."
"Did you have anything to do with Lisa breaking up with me?" I raised my voice. "Was that clear enough?"
"If you mean, did I save you a world of heartache and trouble down the line, then yes. Yes, I did."
"I slept with her."
He clenched his jaw.
"Multiple times."
"Jennie..."
"She was my first."
"Okay, Jennie." He looked angrier than I'd ever seen him before. "Would you like to talk about this like an adult?"
"You tell me."
He sighed and paced the room. "Walk me through this from your point of view."
"So you can yell at me?"
"So I can decide if I still want to kill her or not."
"I have feelings for Lisa, Han."
"Then why are you crying? This isn't helping her case."
"For five minutes, can you just pretend that you're not my older brother?" I shook my head. "Like, act as if I'm just your close friend who wants to cry on your shoulder?"
His expression immediately softened, and he walked over to me, pulling me close.
As his arms tightened around me, I realized I couldn't hold back anymore.
"Lisa is my best friend, too," I said crying. "And despite the years we didn't talk, I still loved her. I just didn't know that at the time, but I know it now."
He blinked. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I love her, Hanbin. It wasn't—it wasn't what you think it is, I swear."
He pulled a handkerchief from his suit and wiped my tears. He rubbed my back, eventually calming me down enough to speak coherently again.
Leading me over to a couch, he took a seat next to me and sighed. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."
"I'm sorry for not telling you about us sooner."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "It's actually good that you didn't. I don't think I would've handled that well."
"Did you really put her out of your wedding?"
"Let's not talk about me," he said, wiping my face again. "You think you're in love with her?"
"No, I know."
"How do you know that?"
"Because she's the only one I've thought about since the day we met."
He raised his eyebrow, looking completely stunned. "Come again?"
"I think I've been in love with her since you left Ohio for Harvard. Well, after we got to know each other, but you get the point."
He still looked stunned.
"Rosé said that I probably didn't realize that I loved her back then."
"Rosé knew about this shit?" He narrowed his eyes.
"Hanbin!"
"Okay, fine." He held up his hands. "Continue."
"She was my first kiss, and I think I loved her then. But when we fell apart I just never really thought about it, until I saw her again. Not that it matters now, but you should know that she didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do and she treated me better than any guy I've ever dated."
"Did she tell you about her own past regarding her dating life?"
"She did." I nodded. "I know how she used to be."
"Used to be..." He said the words as if he only halfway believed them. "Is she the reason why you were so happy over the past few months?"
"Yes." I smiled for a split second. "Definitely."
He sighed and stood up. "Can we discuss the rest of this over dinner, after the rehearsal?"
"Sure. Why do we need to leave now?"
"Because I just remembered her telling me a story about a certain woman she saw recently and a grey couch." He looked at the color of the couch we were sitting on. "And my mind is completely fucking with me right now, so if it's okay with you I'd rather not think about—"
"Absolutely." I held back a laugh and followed him out into the hallway.
"For the record though," he said, crossing his arms. "Rosé knew about this shit?"
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