Chapter 9: Choices
She was in a state of emotional turmoil as they were approaching the gates of the Leaf Village. Kakashi was thankfully pretty silent as they headed back home. What happened before, she wasn't even sure how to process it. Anger, fear, distress, humiliation, she was feeling all of it at once. The events from before kept replaying in her mind, like some absurd picture show on repeat. Her failure to get away infuriated her. How even her seal, her most significant accomplishment as a shinobi, wasn't enough to get an upper hand over him. The disparity in their power made her sick. He tossed her around like a rag doll.
The aftermath of being caught and defeated was far worse though. She would have preferred he beat her to a bloody pulp than what transpired. His intention was to shame her completely and he succeeded in spades. It hurt, of course. She didn't need to check to know her entire ass was marked up, and she couldn't heal it, per his order. But her pride hurt a lot more than her body. To be subjugated to a spanking as a punishment was definitely an effective way to put her in her place. It was the most mortifying thing, and what was even worse. He made her like it at a certain point. She didn't at first, but when he started touching and slapping her differently, she didn't know what came over her. Her disgust with herself was mounting as she was lost in her self-loathing. What the fuck was wrong with her? How could she get aroused by him doing that? She almost had an orgasm and he purposely stopped right before that and mocked her for it. Humiliation, it was more than an effectual method as he said. She could never imagine trying to leave the village again after that. He would follow through on his vulgar threat if she did, she didn't doubt him.
As she walked through the threshold of the village, she finally looked at him for the first time in hours. Her anger surged at how nonchalant he looked, as if nothing even happened. He had the notorious Icha Icha novel in his hands, and his face behind the cover. She wanted to take his precious book and beat him over the head with it for his impudence. He noticed her glowering because he looked up from reading with a smirk.
"Something wrong?" He asked lightly.
'Only that you're a complete psychopath,' she thought to herself. She answered aloud with, "no, nothing at all."
"Glad to hear it." He did that stupid eye crinkle and she had to look away from him to quell her anger.
"Sakura!" Her eyes found her blonde friend as he barreled over to her. "You're back." He appeared to be assessing her for injuries, and she smiled at him weakly, before he pulled her in for a hug. She wondered if the possessive asshole would have a problem with that too, but he kept reading quietly. She supposed even he wasn't that unreasonable.
"Yeah, I'm back Naruto."
He looked at her critically, she knew he wanted to ask what happened. But with the present company, it was impossible to do so.
"Sakura got a little lost." Naruto was silent at Kakashi's euphemism. "Fortunately, I was able to bring her back home."
She felt his body heat behind her, and she twitched in response to his proximity.
"I have a few things to take care of. Will I see you tonight, Sakura?" It was phrased as a question, but he definitely wasn't asking.
"Yes." His hand came down lightly on top of her shoulder. She forced herself not to try and shrug him off.
"Good, I'll come by to get you around 8. I think you'll enjoy what I have planned."
She highly doubted it but of course remained silent. He kissed the top of her head before he stepped away from her. Naruto's face was carefully blank at seeing Kakashi's blatant affection for her. When she finally felt his ckakra leave the vicinity, the rigidness in which she was carrying herself, evaporated. Her face must have displayed her relief at his absence because Naruto pulled her to him again, enveloping her in his arms. His presence was comforting, and she felt herself melt into her best friend's embrace.
"Are you alright?" He asked softly.
She really wasn't, but she supposed he meant physically. "I'm fine, I just wasn't quick enough unfortunately."
"I was afraid of that." He pulled away a bit to look at her. "When he questioned me on where you were, he took off immediately when he realized you left. But I didn't tell him where you were headed, I swear!"
"I know, Naruto. It was a bit obvious, if I'm being honest, where my destination was. I should have gone somewhere else, but I suppose it's too late for that now. He'll never let me get away with that again."
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry Sakura-chan."
"Don't be sorry. You tried to warn me about him, and I didn't listen to you. I was blind to his…interest in me, so this entire thing is my fault."
"It's not your fault." She smiled at him, seeing the worry etched on his face for her.
"I have to speak with Tsunade-sama."
"It probably won't do any good you know."
She knew that. The Hokage admitted herself she really couldn't control him, but she needed someone to simply vent to about some of it.
When she found herself in her shishou's office she wasn't even sure where to begin. Tsunade-sama looked at her expectantly, but her words seemed to fail her. How could she explain him? What statement could she possibly give that encompasses exactly what he's been like? Lady Tsunade knew about his violent tendencies on missions, she already told her as much. Did she know how much deeper it ran though?
"My lady, he… Kakashi… has an interest in me," she finally stuttered. "A romantic interest." She clarified.
Tsunade-sama didn't look particularly surprised by that. Was Sakura the only one taken back by it? "And he's… too much, It's way too much." And she launched into it, the words finally tumbling out of her. She told her about what happened at the bar, and her own behavior that may have escalated his pursuit of her. She alluded to his forcefulness, their date and his less than understanding reaction when she tried to reject him. She was careful about what she told her, of course. She knew she couldn't mention the punishment, or some of the other distasteful details. She wasn't obtuse, she knew Lady Tsunade couldn't stop him. What she told her now was the most she could disclose without her having a conniption.
Tsunade-sama was protective of her, as well as incredibly reactive, in her experience. If she knew the full extent of his methods pursuing her, she was afraid she'd confront him, their power disparity be damned. Sakura couldn't let that happen. She only wanted some advice, if that was an appropriate word, for how to handle a man such as him.
"Sakura, I can tell you're overwhelmed by Kakashi's attentions. Though, I admit, I'm not really shocked by his interest in you."
"You're not?"
"No, I'm not. You're an appealing woman who he spends more time with than any other. You're a great kunoichi, you've grown exceptionally beautiful, and you have a good heart. He just doesn't handle wanting something, or someone in this case, the way a normal man does."
"What can I do?" She asked quietly, desperately, hoping she'd have an answer for her.
"Kakashi has had a hard life. It doesn't excuse his behavior, but his past has shaped who he is."
"A hard life?" She couldn't help but scoff. Kakashi didn't seem like someone who had a hard life. He seemed like someone who always got everything handed to him because of his power and skill.
"Yes, believe it or not. There's a reason we no longer use children as soldiers in war or utilize them in ANBU. He's the epitome of that reason."
"He's damaged," Sakura responded matter-of-factly. She knew he was unstable obviously. She speculated herself before how ANBU must have shaped him, being in it so young. It was apparent he had trauma, perhaps a lot of it, as a child. That's clearly what Lady Tsunade was insinuating.
"An understatement, but yes. He is loyal to the village. He has never betrayed us, even though he easily could. He protects everyone here and has an impeccable track record on missions. I'm telling you this for you to gain a better understanding of him, and why I give him the allowances I do."
Sakura couldn't say she understood entirely, but she knew her mentor had to turn a blind eye, so to speak, when it came to him. Even if she were to reprimand him, she doubted he would actually adhere to her commands if it didn't suit him. That's why what Tsunade-sama said next didn't surprise her.
"I admit, I can't stop him from pursuing you, or even stop him from being forceful about it. But I can give you some advice in dealing with a man such as him going forward."
Sakura knew that she couldn't. It was Kakashi, and not even The Hokage could tell him no. Coercion wouldn't work on him, and he wasn't a man who'd listen out of respect either. He did what he wanted, plain and simple.
"He cares for you, in his own way, and while he's incredibly dangerous; I won't bother to deny that. I will say that I think you can use his feelings for you to your advantage." Tsunade-sama said, staring at her meaningfully.
'Manipulate him,' she thought solemnly to herself. She couldn't even imagine using that tactic on Kakashi, he'd probably see right through her.
"With all due respect, my lady, I'm doubtful he really cares for me. He wants me for himself, but he's not exactly a romantic."
"I disagree. His numerous affairs with women haven't slipped by me, even if he's discreet. But he's never been seen publicly with any of them. To alter that behavior for you means he cares to some degree."
She still just thought he was obsessed. Sure, he was overprotective and insisted on 'dating' her. But someone like him, she just couldn't see him having genuine feelings for her.
"I have to ask you though, Sakura, if he's done anything unforgivable to you? Because if he has, or if you suspect he's capable of it in the future, I will figure out a way to put him down." Tsunade-sama's face was steel as she said it.
Sakura felt a rush of affection for her shishou, but she also came to her own resolve at her words. She wasn't going to put her in harm's way, and she wasn't going to potentially threaten her village either, by Tsunade-sama trying to 'put him down.'
"No Lady Tsunade, nothing like that."
"Good, tell me immediately if something changes." She saw Tsunade-sama smile slightly in relief. She knew she was misleading her, but she couldn't allow something to happen because of her. As much as she wanted someone to confide in, she realized in this instance, she had to deal with him on her own. She was fairly confident he wouldn't seriously harm HER at least. She couldn't say the same for anyone else.
"In that case, think about what I said. He may not be a man you can beat some sense into. But he's still a man. A man who wants you, so use that to your advantage."
"I'll try shishou."
"I know what he's like Sakura. But him wanting you this way, makes me think there could be more hope for him than I originally thought."
Sakura wasn't sure she held the same sentiment.
"Or maybe that's just what I want to let myself believe in my old age, who knows?" Lady Tsunade laughed dryly.
When she left The Hokage's office she couldn't help but reflect on how badly she wanted to go on a date before. She could laugh at the irony now. She had to see him tonight for another 'date,' and this time, she knew he'd kiss her. Not that it should even be significant anymore, considering he already saw and spanked her naked ass. But still, kissing felt much more intimate, and harder to come back from to her. She knew she kissed him when she was drunk, but the details were too fuzzy. This kiss, she would remember vividly, and it was unsettling.
Lady Tsunade believed she could influence Kakashi because of his feelings, if one could even call them that, for her. She just didn't see how that would ever be possible. He wasn't exactly receptive to what she had to say if it involved 'defying' him.
The knock on her door had her heart fluttering. She still wasn't fully prepared for this moment yet. Her eyes settled on his masked face as he stood casually in front of her, shoulders slouched. The way his eye looked her up and down had her biting her lip nervously. He acted as if she looked immaculate when she was wearing the most casual attire possible.
"Are you ready Sakura?"
"Sure." She wasn't but she couldn't postpone the inevitable any longer.
She felt his hand interlock with hers and she had to remind herself to breath. To hold hands with Kakashi, as if it was normal, as if they were a couple and he didn't just hunt her down for leaving. Strange wasn't a strong enough word for it.
"So, where are we going?" She asked, breaking the silence that settled over them.
"Just a little way outside of the village," he responded vaguely.
She couldn't imagine why that was necessary. He must have saw her questioning look because he remarked, "nothing insidious, don't worry."
"It's hard to tell with you sometimes."
"You wound me Sakura."
"I doubt you care at all what I think."
He gave her an unreadable look before replying, "believe it or not, I do actually."
She scoffed but didn't voice her skepticism. He looked at her sideways, his face showing mild amusement. "Why do you think I was so reluctant to allow you on a mission with me?"
She swallowed nervously because… that did make sense. She never really knew he had this darkness until then. He was still quite domineering and an asshole, but he definitely wore a mask for her before.
"So, why did you allow me to come?"
"I suppose, in the end, you had to find out eventually. I couldn't hide it from you forever, especially with my intentions toward you."
"Yeah, about that… Is there anything I can say to change your mind?"
"Sorry, no," he chuckled.
It was almost like he had different personalities; she didn't know what version of Kakashi to expect. The dark, sadistic version that was completely terrifying. The dominant, perverted persona who was deaf to her protests. Or, this personality, which is the one she was accustomed to before the mission. Controlling, absolutely. But witty, playful even, and a lot more patient.
When they finally got to a clearing in a valley, she noticed a large, comfortable looking blanket spread out across the ground. There were even a few pillows strewn over it. The area seemed peaceful. She could hear the sound of the water from the stream nearby.
"You'll have to wait another hour to see why I chose this spot, but I have dinner prepared in the meantime."
He took out two bento boxes from a pack he brought, filled with her favorite foods. Tempura, sushi rolls, edamame, and jasmine rice. Her eyes lit up at the food because she hadn't eaten all day.
"I also made some dango for dessert, I know you like it."
"Made it?" She rounded on him in amazement.
"Of course. Did you think I had someone else prepare all this food? I can cook you know."
She was unsure, a feeling she was becoming acquainted with when dealing with Kakashi. Preparing her a dinner of her preferred foods was, nice. She expected them to go out to another restaurant, but him cooking for her was a lot more personal.
"Thank you, you didn't have to do this."
"I don't have to do anything."
She rolled her eyes because yes, she was more than aware he didn't 'have to.' She settled on the blanket and winced as she sat down. It was uncomfortable to sit, just as he told her it would be. She could see a satisfied look on his face as he noticed her discomfort. To her relief though, he didn't comment on it. He settled close to her, his thighs brushing the sides of hers lightly. She was chewing the tempura slowly, marveling at how tasty it was.
"So, what's the verdict?"
"It's um… very good. I never would have thought you could cook so well."
"I'm glad to meet your expectations," he said in amusement.
"This was thoughtful of you."
"Always the tone of surprise," he said in faux indignation.
"Can you blame me?"
"You act as if I've shown you nothing but contempt. I like you Sakura."
"So, you say. But are we going to pretend you didn't do what you did?"
"I told you why already. You're lucky I didn't do more." She heard the hard tone of his voice as he said that.
"Asshole," she replied incensed.
"I'm aware." His fingers trailed along her thigh lightly and she swatted them off. He laughed at her, again, and she reacted. She swung her fist back toward his chest before it was caught in his grasp. He tsked her but didn't appear he was going to do anything further. Her eyes narrowed as she pulled her arm away before going back to her food. This was what she meant by not knowing what to expect from him. He allowed her to try and hit him, insult him, and he wasn't fazed at the moment.
As she was getting through the dango, which was delectable, she could feel his eye on her. He wasn't a big fan of desserts, so she wasn't expecting him to partake in it. But to go through the trouble of making something he didn't even like was bizarre.
"I brought some plum wine as well." He brought out a bottle and two glasses. Her hesitation at the idea of alcohol must have been obvious because he smirked.
"Don't worry, there's no sake. I'm not trying to get you intoxicated."
She finally reached out to accept the wine and her fingers brushed against his briefly. She felt a tingle at the touch before she pulled her hand back. She wasn't sure why she kept having those odd reactions to him.
She sipped the wine slowly, letting the flavor envelop her taste buds. She had always enjoyed plum wine, though she was being careful not to drink it too quickly. She understood why he picked this spot as the sky grew darker. It was magical, something she never experienced before. She didn't realize how beautiful the night sky could be. The stars looked like a painting come to life.
"How did you find this place?" She asked in wonderment.
"I got lucky long ago and stumbled upon it. It's somewhere I like to go when I want tranquility."
She could understand why. She laid back on the blanket to gaze above her. She wasn't sure how long she was caught up in the beauty of the moment. It wasn't until he laid beside her, his head tilted toward her, studying her reaction, that she came out of her musing.
"It's beautiful," she said. He had an intense look on his face he appeared to be drinking in her features. She saw his face form a masked smile to indicate his pleasure with her response.
"I'm glad you think so."
A few more minutes went by when she broke the silence again. "Kakashi?"
"Hm?"
Why don't you show this side of yourself more often?"
"You're seeing it right now," he teased lightly.
"Yes, but you're not normally like this."
"You have to look underneath the underneath sometimes Sakura."
She huffed in annoyance because that really wasn't an answer. She started contemplating why. He was clearly capable of being something other than volatile or domineering. The only explanation she could see is he didn't want any expectations set on him. She knew firsthand he wouldn't always be this way. His unhinged side was always lurking beneath the surface it seemed.
"You have a reputation, and you don't want that to change, right? You don't want anyone to think there's good in you," she supplied.
"There's not good in me." His tone was completely serious, and she couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity. "This is only for you."
She was far from tipsy, but the alcohol had relaxed her slightly. So, when his hand brushed against the side of her face, she only jumped a little at the caress.
"You're nervous around me still."
She looked at him in disbelief because he was acting like he didn't understand the reason for that. Kakashi was far from dimwitted, so the statement annoyed her.
"Of course, I am."
"I told you; I don't like hurting you if I can avoid it. I hope we can move past that."
'Easy for you to say,' she thought to herself bitterly. He was packing everything up as she waited quietly before the moment she'd been dreading came. She saw on his masked face what he wanted before he even verbalized it.
"I'd like to kiss you Sakura." He stepped closer to her, and she had to prevent herself from stepping back. With someone else, they would have been asking for her consent to kiss her. He wasn't, and she knew it. He was at least vocalizing his intention before doing it, but it didn't make it that much better.
"Do you want my mask on for it? I'll give you that choice."
She supposed he thought he was being generous and snorted in derision. If he noticed the sound she made, he didn't show any indication of it. He was suddenly right in front of her, towering over her like the incredibly tall bastard he was. She could see he was waiting for her answer because he didn't make any further movements. As much as it sickened her that her first 'real' kiss would be this way, she also wanted it to be as normal as possible. She couldn't imagine kissing cloth; that sounded completely revolting.
"No mask," she said reluctantly.
"As you wish." If only he actually meant that in its entirety.
She watched with bated breath as he took off his headband, so his Sharingan was visible.
"Are you going to cover my eyes with it?" She wondered aloud.
"Kinky," he teased. She felt her face grow hot at how he took her words.
"I meant so I can't see your face," she growled.
"Not unless you want me to." He waited and she shook her head in refusal. If she had to do this, she wanted to see his face while he kissed her. He nodded and let his headband fall to the ground. She tried not to even blink as his hand came to his mask. As all his features were slowly revealed to her, her thoughts seemed to evaporate. She remembered him being beautiful but seeing him now, sober, was jarring. Why would a man such as him even be this fixated on her? He could have anyone he wanted if they were going off appearance alone; he was flawless. She didn't say any of this to him, because his ego was already large enough as it was. He smirked at her burning cheeks, which gave away her thoughts at his appearance.
She pondered why he hid his face. Did he think he wouldn't be taken as seriously in battle if they saw how gorgeous he was? It wasn't like he needed to hide his identity either, because he was notorious throughout the entire shinobi world. He definitely couldn't take his mask off and blend in when he wanted, with a face like his, either. She supposed the reason was another thing to add to the list of the enigma that was Kakashi.
She was brought out of her rumination when she felt him cradling her jaw softly. His thumb brushed her plump bottom lip teasingly. "So beautiful," she heard him whisper to himself.
"You're definitely the beautiful one." She didn't realize she said that out loud until his eyes rose from her lips to clash with her green ones.
"You don't see yourself clearly Sakura," he admonished. She definitely did see herself. She was pretty, she wouldn't pretend she wasn't. But, compared to him, she was incredibly mediocre.
Those thoughts faded when his lips connected with hers. He was gentle at first, and then he grew bolder. She expected him to be more aggressive, but he surprisingly wasn't. He dominated her lips in a firm manner, but it was pleasant, very pleasant. She didn't have anyone to compare him to, but she would guess he was considered a good kisser. He nipped the flesh of her lip, and she felt his tongue trace over it. She gasped involuntarily, and that seemed to be what he needed to push his tongue inside her mouth. His hand continued to hold her face to him, while the other was tangled in the back of her hair, pulling lightly. His tongue skimmed her own and she tried to battle it back without thinking. His forcefulness grew as he took complete ownership over her mouth. He was consuming her. He was all she could smell, all she could feel, all she could taste, and it was terrifying. Terrifying, and yet, her body was alive with something. His kiss was causing her to feel hot, and she could feel that warmth between her legs. His hand tightened on her hair as she felt him inhale, and she knew he could smell her. He kissed her once more before finally pulling away from her lips. His face looked wild as he drew in a deep breath, his hand still entangled in her hair.
"You want me," he declared with satisfaction.
"I don't," she argued.
"I can smell you."
"A normal reaction to my body responding to stimuli. You could be anyone. I don't want you."
"Oh really? Kissing only arouses someone if they're enjoying it. I promise you I could not be just ANYONE and get that reaction from you."
"Am I allowed to put that to the test?" She asked sarcastically. He pulled her hair warningly in response.
"You know not to play with me Sakura. But by all means, try," he said, emphasizing the word 'try.' She attempted to pull away from him, but his grip was unyielding. The hand that was on her face came down to trace her collarbone through her shirt. "You're not going to test me though, are you Sakura?"
"No," she conceded.
"Good girl," he praised. His smirk was normally insufferable to her, but maskless, all she could think about was how hot the man was. She inwardly slapped herself repeatedly for her absurd thoughts. What did it matter how attractive he was; he was still a crazy asshole? An asshole who took her first kiss from her…
"Sakura, I know this is hard for you." He was looking her over critically, as both his hands fell to hold the sides of her waist possessively. "I don't want to force your affection. I want you to willingly give it to me."
Her brow furrowed in confusion at his words. "I'll make it plain for you. If you play by my rules, I will give you anything you want."
She filled in the blanks at that. She knew exactly what he was implying. Go along with this, let him 'woo' her, and he'd be much more accommodating. Or the other option… The one that ended in the hard way for her.
"You're really giving me a plethora of choices aren't you, Kakashi?"
He smiled darkly before kissing her forehead. "Just remember Sakura, I am giving you a choice."
Author's Notes: If a dark Kakashi isn't your cup of tea don't read it. If you're hoping for Sakura to end up with someone else at the end, also don't read it. Okay, I'm done beating a dead horse lol
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