It all begins with Lincoln and Lola rehearsing for something. Lola is demonstrating her posture.
Lincoln was on a megaphone, telling Lola what to do. "Good. And turn..." Lola turns to face the viewers. "...and wave." Lola greets the readers with a wave. "More teeth," he says. Lola flashes a big grin. "Less teeth." Lola softens it a little with a pearly white smile. "Excellent! Keep it up!" Lincoln is wearing a headband with the words "GO LOLA!" written.
J.D. and Varie were walking to the Loud House when they noticed Lincoln helping Lola.
"Hey Lincoln," J.D. said, wondering what they were up to.
Lincoln greeted them and decided to explain what they were doing. "Hey J.D., Varie. You might be wondering why I'm helping Lola practice for a beauty contest. Well, tomorrow is the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant, and the winner gets the greatest prize ever: two season passes to Dairyland A-Moo-sement Park! That's one for Lola and one for the coach. I've been working my butt off all week to make sure she wins."
Lincoln is seen preparing Lola in a montage. He begins by applying some blush to her face.
Lola sneezes. "AHCHOO!"
Lincoln is covered in glitter from her sneeze. Second, she spits her two front teeth retainer for Lincoln to brush.
Lincoln was disgusted by this. "Oh...oh...oh, Gah!"
He begins to brush Lola's teeth. Third, as she lies in bed in a robe, with cucumbers on her eyes and white bunny slippers, he irons her dress with his left hand, brushes her hair with his right, and paints her nails with his right foot. Montage concludes. As Lola poses, Lincoln uses a lint catcher.
Lincoln cracks a small smile. "It's been a long, hard road. But it'll all be worth it once we get to Dairyland."
"Boy, it sounds like you've been busy," J.D. said, impressed.
Varie agreed. "I have a feeling it will all pay off."
"I've never been to Dairyland. It sounds like a lot of fun," J.D. sighed, daydreaming about what he could do there.
"Neither have I," Varie said, shaking her head, but she wanted to go there someday.
Lana chases a frog as it passes by, yelling, "Get back here, Hops!"
Lana rushes past Lincoln and Lola, unintentionally splashing mud on them. Lincoln quickly raises Lola to keep her clean, causing him to become completely engulfed in mud. Lola looks back at Lincoln as he lowers her.
Lincoln chastises Lana. "Lana, watch out! Do you know how hard it is to steam clean chiffon?"
Lana ignores him, saying, "Blah blah blah blah blah." She goes back into the house.
Lincoln is reading a book while wiping the mud off of his face. "Okay, Lola, let's move on to your walk. Remember what Gil DeLily says in his best-selling book: "Unlocking Your Inner Pageant Queen", To win the day, you must sashay."
"I know how to walk, Lincoln," Lola scoffed in response.
As she practices her walk, Lincoln notices a loose bottle of hairspray on the ground.
J.D. also noticed it and widened his eyes. "Uh-oh!"
Lola steps on it and slips, causing the rest of the scene to play in slow motion.
Lincoln yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He tries to save Lola, but it is too late.
Lola lands on the ground with a thud.
That made J.D. cringe. "OOOHH! That's going to leave a mark!"
Lola begins to cry in pain, and Varie takes her inside and places her on the sofa.
Rita walks into the living room and notices Lola crying. She asks Varie, concerned, "What happened?"
"Lola slipped after stepping on a can of hairspray and she hit the concrete," Varie explained.
Lola was crying out in agony. "It hurts!"
"What hurts, Lola?" Varie asks, concerned.
"It's my arm and leg!" Lola screamed.
Varie examines Lola's left arm and right leg, which are purple and swollen.
Varie nods and tells her, "Oh, yes. They're broken. This should help to reduce swelling."
Varie used her water powers to reduce the swelling.
"Ms. Rita, can you go get the first aid kit?" J.D. asked, looking worriedly at Lola.
Rita nodded, knowing she would do anything to help her daughter. "Sure. Are you a nurse, Varie?" She asked because Varie seemed to know what she was doing.
Varie shook her head. "No, but I want to be one. Lisa has been teaching me."
"You certainly know what you're doing," Rita said, impressed.
"Can you bring your X-Ray machine, Lisa?" J.D. asked Lisa, who had just entered the room.
Lisa nodded, went to her room, returned with her X-Ray machine, and photographed Lola's arm and leg.
Lisa examines the X-Ray. "It appears to be a hairline fracture in the arm's left ulna and the leg's right fibula. She'll have to rest for three weeks."
"Thank you, Lisa," Varie said gratefully, and Lisa simply nodded and returned to her room.
Rita returns with the first aid kit, and Varie wraps Lola's arm and leg in a cast, takes her up to her room, and places her leg in a sling.
Varie spoke softly to her. "Now you get plenty of rest, Lola. Those bones need to heal."
Lola sniffles and gives her a small smile, "Thanks, Varie."
Varie returned the smile. "Anytime, Lola."
J.D. had an idea that could help Lola so she wouldn't have to get out of bed. "I have a good solution."
He takes out a special remote control and tells her what it is. "Lola, this is a call buzzer. Now, if you need anything, simply press this red button."
When he presses it, it emits a shrill buzz. "You can hear it from anywhere in the house, and Mr. Lynn, Ms. Rita, or one of your sisters will come running."
"Thank you, J.D.," Lola said gratefully as she took the buzzer from him.
"You're welcome, little princess," J.D. said with a smile.
Lola is now in critical condition and is resting in her bed.
"Okay, minor setback. We can still win this thing," Lincoln said, trying to ignore how injured Lola was.
Exasperated, Lola scowled at him. "Wake up and smell the hairspray, Lincoln. It's over!"
Lincoln was becoming desperate. "You can't just quit! We worked hard on this!"
Unimpressed, Lola raised an eyebrow at him. "There will be other pageants, you know."
Lincoln was depressed and knew she was correct. "But not with Dairyland tickets."
"Lincoln, I need my beauty rest. As your pal Gil DeLily would say, "I can't recover if you're going to hover." Lola sighed.
Lincoln is now gathering all the pageant supplies because Lola cannot compete. "I can't believe I learned to French braid for nothing," he complained.
"I'm sorry, Lincoln," J.D. said, feeling sorry for him.
Varie attempted to reassure him. "But Lola is going to be fine."
Lana walks by and picks up the practice tiara from the ground. "Hey Lincoln, are you done with this? I could use the scrap metal for welding."
Lincoln looks at Lana, gasps with inspiration, and replaces her cap with the tiara. As a choir sings, a divine image with four comic strip characters as angels tooting horns appears. "HALLELUJAH!"
Lincoln looks at her with hope as he thinks of a way to get the tickets.
Lana was starting to feel uneasy about how Lincoln looked at her. "Uh...why are you looking at me like that?"
Lincoln asks her, "Lana, how would you like a season pass to Dairyland?"
The same heavenly background appears again, with Lana gasping for joy about getting a pass to Dairyland. "HALLELUJAH!"
Lana resisted the urge to scream with delight. "Don't toy with me, Lincoln!"
Oh, I see what he's going to do, J.D. thought.
Lincoln threw his arms up in surrender. "I'm not! All you have to do is one teensy, tiny, little thing."
"What is it? I'll do anything!" Lana pleaded desperately for that pass.
"You just have to take Lola's place in the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant and win," Lincoln explained.
Lana felt sick to her stomach at the mere thought of it. "Are you kidding me?! Bleh! Do you know who you're talking to?"
Lincoln was determined to persuade her to take Lola's place. "Someone who's going to love Dairyland's newest ride..." He handed her a pamphlet with details about the ride. "...the Milk Shaker. It's so fast, you can barf, fly around a loop, and get hit in the face with said barf."
J.D.'s eyes widened as he heard this. "Whoa! That's similar to the NASA Gravity Simulator Centrifuge."
Upon hearing about the ride, Lana was ready to accept. "Darn you, Lincoln! I am in!" However, she becomes concerned when she realizes something. "But wait. What if Lola finds out? You know what she's capable of."
As a Satanic cultist choir chants, an image of Lola looking on demonically is shown with hellfire in the background. J.D., Varie, Lincoln, and Lana all shudder in fear.
J.D. gulps in horror at the thought of Lola finding out. "If she finds out, she'll kill us," he says.
"She won't find out. I promise," Lincoln reassured them.
They shake on it, with Lana coating Lincoln's hand in mud.
Lincoln grimaces. "Bleh. First off, we gotta clean you up. Dirt on your face gets you last place."
Lincoln sneaks into the twins' room and removes one of Lola's dresses from their closet. She awakens and narrows her eyes with suspicion as she looks at him. "What are you doing with that?!"
Lincoln became tense. "Oh, this?" After that, he chuckled. "Just, uh...getting it dry cleaned. You keep healing, sunshine."
Lincoln walks away, and Lola continues to be suspicious. Lana is now dressed in the gown.
"What is this weird sparkly towel?" Lana questioned, her face contorted with disgust at what she was wearing.
Lincoln sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's called a dress, Lana. Now, hold still while I work my magic." Then he goes over Lana's hair with a spray and comb.
Lana grimaced at the smell of hairspray in her nostrils. "Ugh! It smells like princess farts!"
"That's how it's supposed to smell, Lana," J.D. explained.
In the meantime, the spray makes its way to the twins' room. Lola takes a whiff of it and walks to the bathroom with a sinister expression on her face. She storms in and discovers Lincoln without a shirt, spraying the spray onto his armpits.
Her appearance caught Lincoln off guard, and he quickly explained what he was doing. "Oh, hey, Lola! Your hairspray makes a great deodorant. It really covers up that musky man smell."
"Hmm," Lola replied, narrowing her eyes at him before exiting the bathroom.
Lincoln and Lana sigh with relief that Lola believed what Lincoln told her.
"Whew. That was a close one," Varie said, wiping her forehead.
Lincoln's arms were stuck to his sides, and he couldn't move them. "Can you help me get my arms unstuck?" he asked Lola.
Lana rolled her eyes, but she decided to help him regardless. "You're gonna feel some slight discomfort and..." Lana rips Lincoln's arms apart from their pits, causing him to scream in agony.
J.D. winces at that, knowing how much that must have hurt. "Ooh! Ouch!"
"Yikes!" yelled Varie as she widened her eyes at this.
Laney, Lily, and Woody are in Lincoln's room with them.
"I don't know about this, guys. If Lola finds out she will destroy us," Laney said worriedly.
Woody agreed. "Yeah, Lola has a fiery temper."
Lincoln dismissed their concerns. "Don't worry. She won't find out. Time to work on what Gil DeLily calls the Three W's: Walk, Wave, and Work it."
Lana walks with a smile on her face, waving to everyone.
Lincoln nodded, then shook his head in disapproval. "Okay, we're walking, we're waving...but we're just not working it."
Lana tries to strike an attractive pose, but some tools fall out of her dress as she does so.
Lincoln's eyebrows were raised in disbelief. "Tools in your dress? Seriously?"
"Handyman's code, Lincoln," Lana defended herself. "Always be prepared."
"That's true," Varie agreed. "A good doctor must also know exactly what to do."
"You are not a handyman!" Lincoln retorted. "You are a pageant queen!"
Lana's dress bursts open, revealing a snow shovel, and Lincoln looks at her, disappointed.
"What? It's supposed to snow tonight!" Lana responded defensively.
"She's right," J.D. agreed with a nod. "I can feel it."
Lincoln makes a facepalm. Now they're rehearsing the Q&A portion of the pageant.
Lincoln is using a hairbrush as a microphone. "Lola, what can a six-year-old do to make the world a better place?"
"Um..." Lola begins scratching her butt as she thinks.
Exasperated, Lincoln yelled, "Lana, you can't scratch your butt!"
Lana was still scratching her butt. "What? It helps me think!"
Lincoln scowled at her. "Well, knock it off! Those who scratch lose the match."
The talent portion
Lincoln gave her a nod. "Okay, the talent portion. Whatcha got?"
Lana performs a ditty with her armpit.
J.D. and Varie burst out laughing at that.
"Nice one Lana," J.D. said after he calmed down.
Lincoln gave a slight nod. "Impressive, but I'm gonna pass." He took something out of his supply box. "How about a ribbon dance? It shows elegance and poise."
Lana was hesitant to take part in such a girlish activity. "Excuse me while I go barf."
Lincoln gave her a disapproving look. "Lana, I'm busting my hump trying to turn you into a pageant queen, and all I'm getting is lip. Do you want those Dairyland tickets or not?"
Lana gave in because she really wanted those tickets. "Okay, okay, you're right!"
Lincoln takes out a book and begins reading aloud from it. "As Gil says, she who gives 'tude-"
Lana slaps the book out of his hands. "I ALREADY AGREED!"
The training montage begins. Lincoln performs a flawless ribbon dance, but Lana becomes entangled in her own ribbon. When he teaches her how to curtsy, she lifts her dress up too high. He teaches her how to walk elegantly, and she eventually gets the hang of it. Still, she trips and has to regain her composure. She masters curtsying, the three W's, and the ribbon dance. Lincoln is overjoyed by her progress, and the toys give her a perfect score.
"Whoo-hoo! Lana, look at you! You've done it! You're prim and perfect," Lincoln said, proud of her.
"I never thought I'd say it, but this feels pretty good," Lana said, nodding. "I don't even mind the sparkly towel."
"DAIRYLAND, HERE WE COME!" yelled J.D., Varie, Laney, Lily, Woody, Lincoln, and Lana, all simultaneously.
The following day at the pageant, J.D., Varie, Laney, Lily, Woody, Lincoln, and Lana arrive with Lana feeling a little nervous about the competition.
Lana looked around at all the girls, her face surprised. "Whoa. Look at those girls! They're all so clean and sparkly."
"They are all so cute," Varie exclaimed as she looked at them.
"Well, so are you," Lincoln said, making Lana smile. "You're as good as any of them!"
A cameraman happened to walk by.
J.D.'s eyes widened. "Wow. It's gonna be broadcasted?" In amazement, he said. "Neat."
"I didn't know this was going to be on TV," Lincoln said worriedly. "Good thing we don't get the Princess Channel."
Unfortunately, Mr. Loud has just ordered the Princess Channel so that Lola can watch the pageant, and he treats her to milk and cookies to make her feel better while watching the pageant.
Lola was overjoyed that he had ordered that channel for her. "Thanks for getting me the Princess Channel, daddy!"
A smile came across Lynn Sr.'s face. "No problem, sweetie. It was either that or the sports channel. And who needs that, huh?" He walked away with a sigh of disappointment.
The pageant starts
Donnie starts the pageant, "Welcome to the Little Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant! I'm your host, Donnie Dufresne. Let's meet America's, junior sweethearts. Hailing from Royal Woods, Miss Lola Loud!"
While walking onto the stage, Lana flashed a wave. Lola spits out her milk in disbelief and gasps in shock. "What is going on?!"
"I'd like to thank my coach and brother, Lincoln!" Lana said this with a big smile on her face.
Lincoln gives her and the camera a wave.
When she saw him on television, Lola erupted in rage. "Lincoln! I should have known!"
Lana said, "And I just want to say it is great to be here!" She then let out a loud belch. "Sorry, you were downwind of that, Donnie." She gave Donnie's arm a gentle nudge.
Lola yelled angrily, "THEY'RE RUINING ME! AND THEY WILL PAY!" She limps off to the pageant, enraged.
Lynn Sr. jumps onto the couch and changes the channel in order to get the channel he wants. "WOO! Sports Channel, here I come!"
J.D., sitting in the audience chairs at the pageant, sensed something and gasped. "I sense a disturbance in the Force!"
"What is it?" Varie asked, concerned.
Laney thinks of something and covers her mouth in shock. "Oh, no! Has Lola found out?"
"Yes, she has," J.D. said solemnly.
"Oh boy," Woody said in horror. "Here comes trouble."
"Oh no," Lily said worriedly. "We have to get Lincoln out of here."
Lana has completed her introduction and is making her way backstage.
Lincoln comes up to her with disapproval on his face and scolds her. "Lana, what were you thinking? Remember what Gil says: If you belch on stage, the judges will rage."
"Gil actually has a rhyme for that?" Lana asks him in disbelief.
Lincoln nodded. "That's why he's a pageant powerhouse," Lincoln explained to her. "Now, the evening gown competition is next. If we want to win those tickets, we cannot afford any more slip-ups."
Lana agrees with a nod of her head. While performing in her evening gown, she trips over a loose floorboard and comes to a halt.
"Whoa. Hang on, everybody! Loose floorboard!" Lana pulls out her hammer and hammers it back into place. "That'll hold. Carry on!"
Her opponents condescendingly giggle at her handyman skills.
Lincoln stared at her in disbelief. "Lana! What was that?! We talked about the tools!"
Lana attempted to defend herself. "I couldn't help it! Fixing stuff is what I do!"
Lincoln wasn't having any of it and retorted, "You're supposed to be prim and proper! Now, do you want to go to Dairyland and get hit in the face with your own barf or not? I know you can do this. The interview is next. Go out there and nail it!" Lana pulls out her hammer. "Not with that."
The interview portion
"Lola, what can six-year-olds do to eliminate the national debt?" Donnie asked her.
"Um..." Lana prepares to scratch her butt to think.
When Lincoln saw she was about to scratch her butt, he became frantic. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
Fortunately, Lana maintains her composure. "Plenty, Donnie. Just because we're six doesn't mean we can't make a difference."
The audience claps its hands in appreciation. Hops bursts out of Lana's dress at that precise moment.
"OH! HOPS!" Lana yelled.
The frog lands on the judge's desk, and Lana leaps at him in an attempt to get him back, causing a commotion. Lola made her way to the pageant hall, still enraged by what had happened.
"Lana, what is the problem?" Lincoln asks her, concerned. "We went over everything in Gil's book, the companion DVD, and the podcast! How are you still not getting it?"
Lana appeared to be apologetic. "I'm sorry, Lincoln. No matter what I do, I can't be prim and perfect like these girls. Maybe there's something wrong with me." Lana begins to feel bad about herself to the point of crying.
Hops jumped on top of her and turned to face Lincoln, embarrassed by his actions and intent. Lincoln sees what he's doing wrong and apologizes. "Lana! Wait. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm the one who messed up. I got so caught up in winning those tickets that I turned into Gil DeLily...who probably needs to get a life when you stop to think about it."
Lana accepts his apologies. "Yeah, but still, why can't I be like them?"
"Now is our chance to warn Lincoln," J.D. said to everyone. "Let's go."
J.D., Varie, Laney, Woody, and Lily sneak into the backstage area.
"Because you're you," Lincoln explained further. "You're messy and muddy and keep a lot of reptiles in your pants. But that's what makes you awesome. And I was crazy to try and change you."
Lana forgives her brother and hugs him. "Aw... thanks, Lincoln."
Donnie announced her. "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Lola Loud and her fabulous ribbon dance!"
"Well, that's me," Lana sighed. "I'll do my best."
"Forget the ribbon dance," Lincoln said, shaking his head. "Why don't you go do your own talent?"
Lana looked at him, hopefully. "Really? Okay, but we can kiss those Dairyland tickets goodbye."
"I don't care about them anymore," Lincoln said with a shake of his head. "Go be yourself."
Lana removes her prim and perfect outfit and returns to her normal self, ready to take the stage.
J.D., Varie, Laney, Woody, and Lily all show up as soon as Lana takes the stage.
"You're in grave danger, Lincoln," J.D. warned. "Lola is on her way."
Lincoln's eyes widened in surprise and concern. "What? How do you know?"
"The Force told me," J.D. explained.
Lola storms in and searches for Lincoln. Lana and Hops are performing on stage.
Lana said to Hops, "Yo, Hops! Give me a bass-line!"
Then Hops starts croaking, and Lana plays a little jam while snapping her fingers, making fart noises, and scratching her butt.
"Come on, we've got to get out of here, Lincoln," Varie pleaded, desperately trying to persuade him to leave.
"But I can't leave Lana," Lincoln said, shaking his head. "She's my sister."
However, it was too late. Lola grabs him and uses her crutch to hold Lincoln against the wall. "AND THIS IS YOUR OTHER SISTER!"
Lincoln attempts to justify himself. "Wait! It's my fault, not Lana's! It was all my idea!"
Lana finishes her talent act, and the audience erupts in applause.
Lola was not interested in hearing his explanation. "I have worked for four years to build my pageant reputation! AND YOU JUST RUINED IT!"
Laney tried to reason with her. "Calm down, Lola."
Lincoln pleaded with her. "Lola! Listen!"
Donnie declares the winner. "And the winner is...Lola Loud!"
Lincoln applauds. "Whoo-hoo!"
Lola is surprised and smiles. Lana enters, wearing the victory tiara, and immediately recognizes her twin.
Lana is taken aback when she sees her and begins apologizing. "Lola! I'm so sorry I pretended to be you! Please don't be mad at me!"
Lola crossed her arms. "I don't like what you did, but you did win. And I respect a winner."
Lana gives her a relieved hug and removes the tiara. "I think this belongs to you."
Lola shook her head. "No. You earned it. You both did. And the Dairyland tickets."
Lincoln and Lana are both taken aback by Lola's generous gesture, which is accompanied by the divine image. "HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!"
J.D., Varie, Laney, Lily, Woody, Lincoln, and Lana exchange hugs. "WE'RE GOING TO DAIRYLAND!"
When the doors opened, a snowflake and a small flickering flame flew in and flew backstage. The snowflake landed on Lana, and the flame landed on Lola, and they both shone brightly. Lana was caught in a tornado made of snow and ice, while Lola was caught in a tornado made entirely of fire. Lola's injuries were being treated.
"What exactly is going on?" J.D. asked, confused.
"Another choosing process is happening," Laney exclaimed excitedly.
Lana was the first to get up as the tornadoes calmed down. "Whoa. What happened? I feel weird," Lana said, confused.
"Lana, this is what happened to Lori and Lily," Laney explained. "A snowflake touched you, and you were engulfed in a snow and ice tornado."
"What? Let me take a look." Lana then threw an ice blast, causing the wall to become encased in ice. "Wha? I've got Ice Powers!? Awesome!"
"Let me check here," J.D. said as he looked through his Legends book and discovered something interesting. "Lana, you have Ice powers thanks to the Snowflake of Khione, the Goddess of Snow in Greek mythology. Khione sends a snowflake imbued with her powers and winged flight once every 500 years, and a worthy soul is chosen based on the purity of their hearts."
"Neat!" Lana exclaimed, a broad grin on her face.
Lola stood up next, perplexed. "What hit me?" She noticed that both her arm and leg were healed. "I'm fully recovered. But I feel weird." When Lola touched the wood floor, they noticed smoke coming from her hand.
Lily let out a breathless gasp. "Lola, you're burning the floor!"
Lola noticed this and noticed a black burned handprint on the floor. "What happened?!"
"Lola, you experienced the same thing Lori and Lily did. A small flame touched you and you were in a tornado of fire," Laney explained.
"What?" Lola was taken aback and asked, "Are you sure, Laney?"
Laney nodded. "I'm certain."
"Let me see," Lola said, holding out her hand, and a fireball is shot at the wall, setting it on fire, which Lily extinguishes with her water powers.
"Whoa! That is hot!" Woody exclaimed, a smidgen of sweat on his brow.
Lola let out a gasp. "I have Fire Powers!"
"It appears that you do," Varie exclaimed, stunned.
J.D. searched through his book. "Lola, you have fire powers because of the Flame of Gabija, the Fire Spirit in Lithuanian Mythology. It is said that once every 750 years, a person with intense rage and a massive fire burning inside their heart will be chosen and imbued with fire and winged flight powers."
"This is so strange," Lola exclaimed, but then became concerned. "How am I going to explain this to everyone back home?"
"We'll come up with something," Laney assured her. "But Lana, Lola, the key to controlling your new powers is love. It worked for me, Lori, and Lily, and it can work for you, too."
J.D. said, "Come on guys, let's go to Dairyland."
Dairyland
J.D., Varie, Laney, Lily, Lincoln, and Lana board the Milk Shaker. There was a height restriction, so Woody couldn't ride it.
Lincoln told the readers, "Well, I've learned two very valuable lessons. One: You should never try to turn someone into something they're not. And two: If you ever ride the Milk Shaker, keep your mouth closed."
J.D. agreed with a nod. "That is true."
The ride begins, and everyone on board turns green around the gills, and Lincoln vomits and is hit by his own barf.
"Awesome!" Lana cheered.
J.D. grimaces in disgust. "Oh, Yuck!"
"My mouth was open!" Lincoln yelled, attempting to wipe the taste from his tongue.
THE END
