Blog Twelve: #YODO
Life is a bitch.
I think I have probably made a point of this in the past, but I just felt like clarifying that as we head into this blog entry; no matter how much we try, no matter how much we ponder and hope and dream, at the end of the day, life just plain old sucks.
You may be wondering what has led me to this profound realisation. Well, I am typing this very gingerly as my fingers are quite tender after being burnt, trying to stay focussed on the screen while my vision continues to slip in and out or focus on the account that my head was nearly crushed to a pulp, and to top that all off, my jaw is broken so I can't talk (To anyone who said good riddance, RUDE!)
I am sure you are now speculating about what cataclysmic event led to these injuries; to those who guessed the recent hoo-ha at the Silph Company Headquarters, then top points to you! It may seem rather tame compared to the usual calamities I find myself in, so you may be interested to know I had very little to do with the million dollar damage caused to the company's windows – I actually pride myself in the knowledge that I did not cause one single explosion while I was there, and I would pat myself on the back if my fingers didn't hurt like hell.
Now, I bet a lot of you are now thinking Hang on a second, how did she end up in Saffron City? Wasn't she just on her way to Fuchsia? Well, it is funny you should think that, cause Sandy and I were wondering that too when we woke up the morning after my last blog, and found that instead of being in our tent on that lovely, secluded, robot less coastal route, we were actually inside someone's office!
You see, my enemies are no longer content with me stumbling across their plans and blowing things up: oh no, now that have decided to kidnap me and try and eliminate me the old fashioned way. This is probably making my life sound like some cheesy spy thriller, and, unfortunately, it kind of is at the moment – I'm like the James Bond of Pokemon trainers, except without the abs or the sex, though I must say Sandy and Paige would make lovely Bond girls.
For an event that only lasted about two hours, if I tried to explain everything that happened in detail, I imagine it would fill about seven chapters of a book I'm sure some people wished had wrapped up years ago. So, instead, I'll summarize:
- An evil television producer-dickhead yelled at us, threatened to kill us
- Zapdos showed up and was all like "BZZZUUUUUHHHHAAAPPPP!" and blew up the office
- Sandy stabbed the dickhead in his dick (I am still so proud of her – I bet this is how parents feel when their children are getting married)
- We walked down some stairs (riveting, I know)
- I bumped into a familiar face with some revelations, then some assassins bumped into us
- A spy showed up and pushed us all down an elevator shaft – you know your screwed when that's how your allies treat you
- We tried to go to safety but walked into a room full of robots
- Evil Producer tried to kill us again, we tricked him, fought him, and I nearly died
- Sandy's Onix got us out, we ended up at our hidey hole
- The End!
Oh, my dear readers, how I wish it could be that simple – how I wish I could just say 'The End', close the book and move on. I wish that my story would end, I wish it had ended long ago, but this story is out of my control and I have no idea where the plot is heading. I can't lay down my weapons and walk away from this like I presumed back in Celadon, the story does not end there. If I want to end the story on my terms, if I want to leave this all behind, then I have to die, and that struck me for the first time.
This brings me back to the start; life sucks, and if I am being honest with you, my anonymous cyber readers, there was a brief moment during my Silph Co drama where I decided death might just be the answer. I have not really thought this way before, but when I found myself getting my head bashed against a wall, I realised how much easier death would be than living through this nightmare. In my mind at the time, I realised that death would mean never having to face my foes again, I would never be put in any more danger, I would never be in any more pain – if you had led friends into gunfights, nearly been blown up countless times and become the target for powerful villains, don't you think you would rather just die than carry on living that nightmare?
When I woke up in what I can only describe as a nerdy nineties ravers wet dream, I met someone new – for the sake of keeping things secret, lets just call her 'The Brain' (I had another B word in mind, but Sandy thought it was mean). She has some interesting abilities at her disposal, and she knew exactly what I was thinking and why I was thinking it. The Brain told me that I, like most humans, am afraid of the unknown and what we cannot control. She thinks I am use to fighting in my own way in situations I can control, but because those do not work against the likes of Gideon or the robots, I have become afraid of my enemies because I have no idea how to defeat them. She thinks, rather rightly, that I have seen death as an easier solution than trying to engage in war I believe I cannot win. In order to overcome these fears, she wants me to battle her and defeat her on her terms, terms I cannot control, without using any of my usual tricks (i.e. explosions): a battle where I have no idea what the outcome will be, but one I have to face anyway.
It was a long and unsettling chat. The Brain gave me some harsh truths and I am not sure if I am really ready to accept everything she told me. I admit I have been fighting my way this entire journey, and that it is unsettling when something happens I have no control over, but am I really afraid of the unknown like she said? And this battle… I can see what The Brain is trying to teach me – to not be afraid of the unknown, to prepare me to face anything in battle, and therefore preparing me to face my enemies, but how is that really going to help me? Winning a conventional battle won't help me stop the army of killer robots, and I don't see it convincing me that carrying on in this unpredictable nightmare is a good idea. I have no idea what will happen if I can't win on her terms, but the battle is happening whether I want it to or not, so I have no choice but to see where it gets me – maybe there is some hidden message I haven't worked out yet?
I have been training for the last few days with Sandy and all our Pokemon. For a while during the Silph debacle, I thought I had lost them, so it feels so good to have them by my side and out of danger for now; my loyal but silly Paige, my frightful but powerful Frances, my tough and feisty Nadia, and brand new Shelley, who is just all so excited by everything that she it's hard to train her, but we have fun all the same.
Training with them has gotten me thinking more than the chat with The Brain did. Like I said at the start, life is a bitch, but do we really know if death is going to be any better? And, if I die, what is going to happen to all my Pokemon, to my family, to Sandy – and, not to sound melodramatic, but what will happen to Kanto? I don't really want to toot my own horn (trust me, I really don't), but there doesn't seem to be anyone else trying to save Kanto from all this mess, is there?
I am sticking to the choice I made back in Celadon; I need to beat the final four gym leaders before I face my enemies directly, and I need to finish the journey I originally set out on. However, I have realised that my enemies have not made the same decisions I have, so I need to be on a vigilant watch when I venture out again. The key thing now is to defeat The Brain and show her I am not afraid, that I can fight in any conditions… well, I say show her, but really I am trying to show myself that, aren't I?
I'm not sure what else there is to say. I just have to wait and see how this battle goes, whether I can win on someone else's terms or not. I am still not certain if living in this nightmare is really the best option for me, but if death is not the answer, and if there is a giant army of robots out there waiting to kill us all, I better find a way of stopping them, shouldn't I?
Yours fearfully,
Alaska
P.S. I wish I could have told you more about the things I learnt and the people I met, but the spy we met has said revealing any details could only cause panic, that we have to be smarter about things. For the time being, I simply warn y'all not to venture too closely to Silph Co. – and for the love of Arceus, stop watching Indigo Dreams. Trust me when I say it is worse than we original thought – much worse. You have been warned.
