Please note before reading this chapter: if you are a long time reader, you may not have noticed that everything from Blog One through to Interlude One has been edited for grammar, spelling and style. However, there are some new scenes that tie into the story as a whole, but particularly this chapter. It would be worth reading them first if you have not done so already.


Chapter Seventy Six: Feel Me Now

"So… here we are."

No one had spoken since they had sat down. At least ten minutes of silence had passed, the room getting tenser and more awkward with every passing second. Yet, somehow, Leaf's choice of ice breaker only annoyed Alaska more.

"Really? That's your opening line?" She looked at the gym leader with her eyebrows raised and a smirk on her lips. "Where did you get that golden piece of dialogue from, Dramatic Writing 101?"

"Alaska!" Sandy barely moved her mouth, her face tightly clenched as though paralysed, but still her hiss echoed inside the densely quiet room. The sound made Arbok swivel around, purple head suddenly looming behind her trainer, and Sandy sank even deeper into her chair, if that was at all possible. Alaska watched her friend deflate, feeling her anger rise, but knew there was little she could do. If she made the wrong move now, she knew it would not go down well, and if she said anything she wasn't sure how she would stop herself.

Thankfully, she didn't have to defend Sandy herself.

"Look, none of us are here to fight. Let's just put whatever animosity or whatever you'd call this behind us and move on, shall we? I've spent enough of my life sitting at tables glaring at people. I'd really like this to not be one of those occasions."

"I think we can all agree to that," Sandy said, smiling civilly. Alaska wasn't sure what was making her friend act so nice; perhaps it was Arbok snaking around the table, while her trainer carefully watched them; maybe it was the fact Leaf was one of the most famous people in the world, and Sandy was simply star struck. But maybe Sandy just didn't want to keep fighting everybody.

Alaska wanted to stop the arguing as well, but she was found it enormously difficult to do so right now. While she didn't want to be stuck back at the Pokémon Centre, thinking about Darwin and his injuries, she wasn't sure if that would be a worse punishment than her current situation.

After Leaf had arrived, Janine had led the four into a small room at the back of the gym. It was some kind of dining room, with a small door leading to a kitchen to the side. There was one window breaking up the monotony of wood, letting a bit of light and colour in, but otherwise it was just brown panels everywhere. The table they sat at was basically a giant slab of wood, Alaska and Sandy on one side and Leaf and Janine on the other, nearly a metre of empty space between them.

They probably chose this room cause of me – who knows what I might do if this goes south? The telling off from Janine had really irked her, but that was nothing compared to how Alaska felt about sitting directly opposite Leaf. The longer she stared at the gym leader, the more memories came rushing back to her. Memories of returning home to find the city torn apart, to find the streets on different levels to the houses, buildings toppled, homes obliterated. The longer she watched her, the more Alaska remembered the statue that had loomed above her for four years, a bronzed middle finger permanently levelled at an already battered city.

To try and control her rage, Alaska focussed on Leaf's face, analysing every inch of it she could see. The image of the statue permanently in her mind, she had partly forgotten what the supposed heroine actually looked like. In person, Leaf appeared nothing like she did on TV. Her long brown hair was frizzy, with loose strands sticking out all over the place. Her face had the look that it had once been round but had gotten thinner rapidly, giving her a slightly gaunt expression. Her eyes were still alive though, bright and alert while the rest of her body came across tired.

It was a stark contrast to the almost mythical status Leaf was attributed with on screen. Perhaps it was because she was both a war veteran and dating the most prominent person in the region, but whenever she appeared on the news, talk shows or in documentaries, Leaf was always presented as some sort of fairy tale princess, a flawless figurehead instead of a powerful trainer.

Having been blinded by her rage, Alaska only now began to wonder what Leaf was actually doing here. Why wasn't she at her gym? Why was she on the other side of the region? Had she been waiting for Alaska to pass through, hoping to corner her into a conversation? All Alaska knew was that she was not going to take another telling off, not after Janine, not after Evelyn the other day; if Leaf was here to try and control her, Alaska was going to put up a fight.

"If we aren't going to argue, how do you intend we spend this time?"

"That's up to you, really," Leaf replied instantly, as though she had been waiting to say that all day. "I mostly just want to meet you. I've heard so much about you and what you've done, but I don't know which of the stories to believe. I just had to find out for myself." Leaf smiled warmly as she spoke. If it had been anyone else, Alaska might have been inclined to soften. However, she had seen Leaf pull the same faces, speak in the same soft voice a million times on television before. Alaska was just another school girl Leaf happened to be meeting; it only needed a dressed up PR manager in the corner and this would be just another photo op.

"Well, let's see: I left my home that is barely standing to travel around the region, only to very quickly become involved in two different plots to destroy the region, one completely mad and one unsettlingly vague, yet both of which I am expected to stop because a mad ghost did a few cave paintings two thousand years ago. Despite that, I am not actually considered fit enough for the job but no one can quite agree on what I should be doing or who is meant to save the day instead, so I'm kind of just plodding along trying to prepare myself for a war with no one willing to help me. So that's how I've been; how about you?"

Silence followed her words. Sandy stared at her, scandalised, but Alaska ignored her friend; she was more interested in how the other two would react. Janine's eyes had widened briefly, but she still wore the stern, thin lipped annoyed look she'd been pulling since they sat down. Leaf's kind smile had faded, sinking deeper into a frown, and she was cautiously looking between Alaska and Janine as though wondering how to proceed.

"Angel."

"What?" This was the first time Janine had spoken since their argument, but 'angel' was not the word Alaska had been expecting her to say.

"Charlotte; you called her a ghost in that little performance. She's a –"

"Let's not start," Leaf interjected, raising a hand and looking irritable. "We'll be here all week if we try and outline who Charlotte is."

"But she has a huge part to play in this, doesn't she?" Sandy asked quietly, as though fearful the wrong question would disturb Arbok. Leaf, however, looked at her softly and nodded.

"Unfortunately, yes; Charlotte's transparent fingerprints are all over this and everything else that has happened or ever will happen." She turned towards Alaska. "I understand your frustration. Believe me, I was in your position five years ago. You have to know though that nobody woke up one morning and decided to ruin your life. Our paths have been set in stone for decades. Are you aware of the Cynthia Code?"

"Yes, vaguely."

"Well, did you know I was part of that same prophecy? You, me, Red; a few of us got locked in by that, but Charlotte's paintings and warnings have been around for centuries. It's quite funny to think they've been around for so long but it's only recently people have started paying attention to them. Before Rocket, there was just a small group, mostly professors, old gym leaders, champions, that banded together to try and protect those they thought would be involved. Yet to the vast majority of people, these were just simply stories; rumours, legends, nothing to focus on. Many influential people refused to believe Charlotte even existed: sure, there can be poison spewing ghosts and ghost candles and ghost pumpkins, but a ghost girl seemed a step too far for most people.

"Then the whole world turned to shit. After Coronet, there was a big conference between basically every single person of influence in the world to evaluate everything that had happened: the rise of Team Rocket, the war between the Magma Corporation and AQUA, Rocket's attempted return and Cyrus and his merry band of religious nutters. As a kind of attempt to pass the blame, the non-believers accepted how accurate these prophecies are, and decided to put their faith into them.

"Unfortunately, this all happened after Mt Coronet. And that's the moment when Charlotte's prophecies start to become vague… well, vaguer, really…"

"How come?"

"The universe was meant to end then. They say it did, for a little while at least."

"Oh really. I must have been asleep when that happened." Janine smirked briefly, but Leaf pouted and moved on.

"Anyway, Charlotte knows very little about what happens next, which means the rest of us have no idea. We've had three years of peace after three truly horrible years, and now that two groups are out to change that, those in power want to do everything they can to stop it."

"Which means piecing together a thousand year old carving of a Pidgeot and the fact my name's a prophetic keyword in order to name me as the person to die trying to save your boyfriend." Alaska smiled after concluding her interruption. Janine clenched up, looking enraged, but Leaf seemed to deflate. The gym leader sank into her chair and leaned on her hands, sighing deeply.

"Yes, essentially, that is what has happened. You have to understand, people are afraid of these prophecies. Even the people who have always believed in them, they never knew quite what would happen until things have actually happened. Trying to avoid them or stop them usually caused them to happen. If you step back and let things just play out, it's like you're guilty by association or through negligence. There's no way to win when you're dealing with the future, that's the impossible predicament we've all had to face.

"Red… I… we never wanted any of this. No one would choose to put something through this, not after everything we've been through. That's why Red sent Suicune and Zapdos after you, to try and protect you as much as possible. He's spent months preparing himself and the League for the reality show, organising the gym leaders. Everyone only has your best interests at heart, you must know that, but we can't do anything."

"You could try and agree on how to handle me, that would be a start," Alaska replied coldly, though she remained silent after that. Leaf had raised some interesting points, and for once, she opted to ponder on them before commenting.

"Why haven't you attacked yet?" Sandy asked. "You said the gym leaders are preparing to fight. If you know where Buzz is based, why haven't you stopped him?"

"It's not that simple." Janine paused and glanced at Leaf, who nodded in approval. She then leaned forwards, briefly gazing at Alaska before facing Sandy. "We don't know quite what weaponry these people have. If we start openly rebelling against the show, they could grow suspicious – they are already on edge as it is. They could strike early, change tactics, go after us or our cities."

"Gideon makes things more difficult," Leaf added. "He is a genius, you cannot deny him that. Some of the things he invented to further Rocket and Giovanni, they were actually magical. The Ditto Serum is basically the closest thing we have to a fountain of youth. The trouble with him is that we have zero idea what his plan is. Attacking Vermillion was random, and it's on a completely different level to him bombing Five Island. There's the possibility he's pulling the strings of all this, that the robots are really a distraction from something much worse he's planning."

"I'd happily take Arbok and a couple of my swords down to Silph Tower myself and slice Buzz from brains to ball sack if I didn't think my doing so would set off something far worse." Silence fell once more as Janine finished. It was a lot of information to process, and Alaska and Sandy briefly exchanged looks, neither sure how to respond. The four women were just locked in conversation, trapped within four walls waiting to reach a conclusion.

After several minutes of quiet contemplation, Alaska finally spoke up. "You are aware I'm perfectly happy to fight for this cause, aren't you? I'm perfectly prepared to do whatever's necessary to stop them. So why are you telling me all this? What are you expecting me to do with this information; be more annoyed with how fucked up this all is?"

Leaf didn't respond immediately. She stared out the window: there was nothing there except a sparse garden bordered by thick, ancient trees. Alaska wondered what she was looking at specifically, and suddenly noticed a Pidgeot go past. There was a Pokémon on its back, but the Bird Pokémon flew past too quickly for Alaska to register it. She watched it fly away, and realised there was more Pokémon out there. A Tentacruel was bobbing in a pool to the side, while a Venusaur thumped around it.

Poison types, wonderful, Alaska thought, but why exactly is Leaf watching them? She turned back to the gym leader, ready to confront her, but Leaf was already gazing back at her, tears in her eyes.

"I told you at the start, I just wanted to meet you, get your side of the story. Everyone has a different view about you, and I just wanted to know who you really are… what you're planning on doing to save Red." Leaf paused again as her voice began to shake. Alaska felt a rush of concern for her that passed as quickly as it arrived. "I'm not here to tell you to save my boyfriend, I'm not that selfish. I don't want to force you to do anything. I just wanted you to know that we are here to help you – none of us wants to see you hurt, either of you. You need to do what's best for you. If Red dies, then… well… he has to die then, I suppose… I just hope you save him." Her voice broke and Leaf fell silent. Alaska didn't say anything, even though a voice in the back of her head was screaming at her to say something. How she had longed for this moment, to see Leaf crying, to make her feel the same pain she had felt. But Alaska had never wanted it like this. Sitting here, her mind went back to Darwin, back to Sandy lying on the road in Lavender Town, to every time she'd ever worried for her Pokémon or her life.

After a moment, Leaf laughed, whether naturally or forced, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I told myself not to cry. It's just weird, talking about all this destiny stuff, not knowing what any of it means."

"I told you you didn't have to do this. None of us got any choice." Janine looked at Alaska coldly but pointed towards Sandy. "Look, I was probably a bit harsh with you before. I know what you've been through, and yes, it does suck. My point basically was that we've all been through pain. The reason Leaf's telling you all this is so you know that you aren't the only one that's been screwed over by the universe. Most of us haven't even been prophesised to get involved – me and her, we've both stumbled into this." She pointed at Sandy, who seized up in terror. "We're just supporting players in this whole prophecy nonsense. We haven't been chosen, but we play as big a role in all this as all you chosen ones, and you sure as hell don't see our faces on statues – no offence."

"None taken," Leaf replied, laughing briefly.

"What I was trying to say earlier was that we know pain. You aren't the only one that's been hurt by this; most people haven't had the luxury of having their involvement lain out for them. It's just something you have to get over. Nothing you've experienced is on the same level of what we went through."

That was the final straw. Alaska hadn't realised her hate had been sitting there, waiting at the back of her throat. She had become distracted by Leaf's tears, but as soon as Janine finished speaking, her anger came roaring back to her. How dare she be accused of not knowing pain by her – by Leaf. Contempt, spite, fury, Alaska's body began shaking, and she turned and stared madly down the table at Leaf, five years of her life rushing through her mind.

"Of course, I'm sorry, it must have really hurt to sit back and let my hometown get destroyed." It slipped out before she could stop herself; she had been waiting to say something like that for years, there could be no holding back. Alaska heard what she said the same time as everyone else, and for a moment she wondered what she had done. But then relief washed over her, simple joy that this angry weight was finally off her chest.

As joy spread through her, Alaska focussed back on the gym leaders, waiting for their reactions. Leaf sank back in her chair, stunned silent except for a soft tutting sound that escaped her parted lips. Janine looked confused for a second, but then her face lit up, and suddenly she was laughing. Her joy felt entirely out of context, especially as it echoed inside the room, reverberating off the walls, an unholy noise after the tense silence of the past half hour.

"Oh my god, this explains so much!" She uttered finally, the words falling breathlessly from her mouth as she struggled to stop laughing. "You're one of those nutters, aren't you? 'The attack on Viridian was an inside job, it was all a sham to make Red Champion, blah blah blah'. Fuck, if we are trusting the fate of the world in this loony we really are -"

"Everyone thinks you're heroes," Alaska hissed, slamming her hands on the table. Janine fell silent, her joy quickly turning dark. "Everyone goes on and on and on about how you saved the region from a monster. But what about my city, eh? Was that just collateral damage, something you had to sacrifice in order to defeat Giovanni?"

"Alaska, I – "

"My father was there; he took us home right after he heard the news, he started clearing up the city long before you lot showed up. Now he has no job, and we live in a crumbling house because we don't qualify for funding to repair it. So don't go on to me about pain or heroism or whatever the fuck you lot keep trying to use to manipulate me when neither of you know what it's like to lose your home like that."

If the room had been tense early, there was no word to describe the atmosphere now. Alaska hadn't even realised she had gotten to her feet, but there she was, leaning over the table glaring at the two women opposite. Arbok had risen up in retaliation, and Janine's hands had disappeared behind her back, likely gripped around something sharp and painful. The gym leaders looked both shocked and furious with Alaska's outburst, and Alaska was pleased. She had been waiting years to confront someone over what had happened to her home, and now that it was out there she felt vindicated, released from her own personal vendetta.

"What do you want from me, Alaska?" Leaf suddenly snapped. Tears were rolling down her face again, but there was rage behind them instead of sadness and Alaska felt her joy evaporate as she took in her foe's anger, her fury emanating from her body. "An apology? Is that going to fix your house? Is it money, am I supposed to pay you to want to save my boy – save Red from being killed?"

"I don't want your money –"

"Then what then?" Leaf got to her feet now, and Alaska instinctively reached for one of her PokeBalls. "Why bring this up at all? Are you trying to make me feel bad about what happened? Because funnily enough, I already do. The mere thought of your city prevents me from sleeping every other night. It was the worst part of that whole experience with Team Rocket, and I don't need anyone else to make me feel worse about what happened there. We made mistakes, and we have to deal with them."

"Yeah, but I've had to live in your mistake for the past five years!" Alaska slammed her fist down at those last two words, and they all fell silent again. She could feel Sandy cowering next to her, probably terrified of where this was going to go. Alaska knew if the two wanted to get violent there would be no winning: both were experienced trainers, Leaf had legendaries, Janine had weapons. However, despite how enraged the two women looked, neither of them seemed ready to fight over it. Leaf was fixated on Alaska, chest heaving, teeth clenched, face getting progressively redder. She looked more likely to shout than set Raikou on her, but after more minutes of tense, uneasy silence passed by, Leaf simply sighed and fell back into her seat.

"I thought they were wrong about you. I talked to gym leaders, I talked to Daisy, I talked to Jericho and Evelyn, anyone whose met you I asked them what they thought of you. No one agreed on what to make of you, but the same words kept coming up: disagreeable, temperamental, angry, stubborn. A few people think you're just headstrong, that you've got your values and you're sticking to them. I respected that, and I was looking forward to seeing that side of you. But now… now I see you're… lost, I think that's the right word.

"I mean, what do you stand for, exactly? I really don't know where to place you. I wanted to like you, I thought I could help you, but I have no idea who you actually are. You're the tough girl rebel who's both willing and opposed to saving the world, who tries to laugh everything off while harbouring a lot of anger against everyone who comes near you, and now you are supposed to be some hometown hero out to avenge the crimes against your city."

There was a brief pause as Leaf took a deep breath and wiped away her tears, collecting her thoughts before carrying on.

"I think I know what your problem is. You think you've experienced enough pain, and you're using it to both justify what you've done and use it as a reason why you shouldn't suffer anymore. Charlotte told me I should think up some advice for you, so here it is: there is no such thing as too much pain. Too much pain means you're dead. If you're still breathing, walking, shouting, you haven't suffered enough. If you want to be any use to us stopping Buzz and Gideon, then you have to accept your pain, all of it, and move on: accept it, embrace it, use it, but move the fuck on."

Alaska felt like she had been punched. For the third time today, someone had berated her. She wanted to be angry with Leaf, but she just felt weak, defeated. The moment she had been waiting for had been thrown back in her face, and she was struggling to comprehend. When she spoke, the words simply tumbled out, words that had been sitting inside her for months, words she had never even thought of herself.

"That's just the thing: I don't want to be of use to you. Haven't you people realised that? I never wanted any of this. I don't care if some ghost, angel, whatever decided I was going to be involved in this, I don't want to be involved. I don't want to see Buzz or Gideon or Amanda or whoever get their way, and I'm going to stop them, but I don't want to, I've simply accepted that I have to.

"I don't want to deal with all the stuff that comes with it. I hate the idea that I might have to take on this huge burden and make decisions between life and death. I don't want to be turned into some hero figure like you lot, get crafted into a publicity generating, celebrity soldier? Do you think I want that responsibility? You said it yourself that my city gives you nightmares – you can't stand there and tell me to move on and accept this when you know the weight of what this all means."

"You have to let go of what you want," Janine said with quiet rage. "What you want stopped mattering the moment you fell into the hole in Viridian Forest. Just accept it: your journey doesn't belong to you anymore, it never has."

"Stop acting like it's so unreasonable that I am annoyed about this!" Alaska shouted, and she slammed a PokeBall on the table. Janine responded by pulling out a knife, while Arbok hissed over her shoulder. "Oh, go on then, just fucking stab me – maybe then you can find some perfect little soldier happy to give up their life –"

"Alaska, stop!"

"Fuck you, you whiny little bitch. I should cut you – "

"Janine!"

"BRING IT!"

" – right down you weak spine – "

"STOP THIS!"

"Saaaauuuuur." Somehow, over all the fighting, the loud, low grunt managed to cut across all the noise. Suddenly, all eyes were on the window, the aminosity and fear pushed to the sound as natural curiosity took over. The low building meant the windows were nearly at ground level, allowing Alaska to stare down from her directly into the growl's owner.

The Venusaur she had spotted earlier had made its way over. She had only seen them on screen, but this one didn't look that different: big, wide, warty, green. A Pokémon with a permanently grumpy expression, this one was frowning further at the scene, gazing slowly between Leaf, Janine and Alaska. The potent smell from its flower wafted into the room, as though it was purposefully trying to calm them – and Alaska realised it likely was. She felt a familiar stab of rage she associated with starter types, unable to stop herself being annoyed at its arrogance at interrupting them.

Then she looked at its face. There were scars across its features: raw, deep wounds, harsh streaks of red on an otherwise green canvas. One eye was half shut, the burn covering the whole right eyelid. Alaska felt her stomach sink as she realised this wasn't one of Janine's gym Pokémon. While Red's Charizard was famous, Blue's Venusaur was infamous: no one in Kanto could stand cruelty to Pokémon, and what Team Rocket had done in the final days of their war, trying to burn a Pokémon alive, even Alaska's bitter heart could not agree with.

"His scars… they never healed." Sandy's whisper carried through the densely silent room. Alaska sank back into her seat. All she could see was Darwin lying on his bed, Darwin bleeding and weak, Darwin being cut open, Darwin being tortured…

"They never will. We've tried everything, but what they did to him…" Leaf paused there and turned back to Alaska. "I want to help you, Alaska, I really, truly do. Everyone who should be helping you hates you. I know from experience that the blame lies on them as much as you, but frankly, you need to sort yourself out before you really are to blame."

"And we've tried your method of helping her – now it's back to mine," Janine said, smiling wickedly now. Leaf went to talk but Janine raised a finger, silencing her, and Leaf was too weak to push it further. "I formally challenge you to a Fuchsia City Gym battle 72 hours from now. If you don't show up, I have the right to refuse to battle you for a month. If you lose the match, I have the right to delay any rematch for a fortnight. Do with that time what you will, and we'll see how committed you are to this fight. Now get out of my gym."

Alaska left without question. She couldn't bear to be in the same room as them any longer. Leaf's expression was blank, and she watched them leave with empty eyes. Alaska and Sandy left without looking back, rushing as quickly from the building as possible. Sandy muttered as they ran, cursing her friend and her anger, but Alaska couldn't hear her. She could only think of Darwin, of the stories she'd heard about Venusaur, about everything Leaf and Janine had said. One thought stood out about them all: Leaf the princess, Leaf the hero, Leaf the perfect human being; if even she hated her, if there was no one standing in her corner, how was she meant to save the world alone?


This was such a difficult chapter to write. I will probably go through and edit this in the coming weeks when the arc has finished. I hope long time GVerse readers like this new iteration of Leaf. Look for the next few chapters to see how all four characters handle this latest talk. I promise there are few of these fully expositiony chapters left - please bear with before the action returns.