Chapter One Hundred: So Here We Are

Dreams always came as a nasty shock to Alaska. After weeks spent trying to shore up her place in an increasingly mad world, it was always disconcerting when she found herself in another place, in another time, forced to navigate some fresh hellscape of uncertainty.

At least this one didn't seem so bad. She was walking along some nameless route, one of the ones with powerful trees looming over a path bordered by rocky cliff faces –essentially, she could be anywhere.

Yet Alaska did not have to look far in order to ground herself. Few places she had visited had an ancient mountain towering over them, and even if she had not been here before, Mount Moon was simply one of those places every Kantonian could recognise.

Weird place for a dream, though. Alaska moved closer towards the mountain, wondering what had pulled her subconscious back here. It literally seemed to be dragging her there – she felt airy, weightless, her feet seeming to float above the earth. Whatever had brought her here, it clearly had to be important.

Alaska turned abruptly, moving closer to the small close of trees. The dusty earth was replaced with limp grass trying to survive under the summer sun, and the odd scraggly bush now stood in the place of boulders. It was all seeming very familiar now, but it was not until Alaska pushed through the branches that she learned where she was.

"Did you hear that?"

Alaska watched herself look around the small clearing, her younger self tense and beady-eyed as she scouted out her target. When nothing else moved, the dream-Alaska returned to the task in front of her. "Pole C needs to connect to Pole A…or is that a 4? When did numbers come into this?"

"Gee!"

"I know I only set this up three days ago, but a lot has happened in those three days. For instance, you had a completely different body, or have you forgotten that already?"

Paige huffed and shook her head, though she seemed to flourish the action, one eye watching her new red head crest as it shook in the moonlight.

"Quit showing off and do something useful," the dream-Alaska sighed. She picked up a pole at random and held it next to another, examining the right angle they made and trying to discern if it was the shape she wanted.

Alaska knew that because she had lived this before. This was not a dream but a memory, though not hers. The whole floating thing should have been a clue, she realised as she lifted Latios' spindly arms and oval hands in front of his eyes.

So you started stalking me this early on… Alaska watched her past self-struggle with the tent, smiling at the innocence of her struggle. At this point, there had only been the one robot, the one explosion at the museum, the one fight with Gideon. Alaska longed for the days when tent poles were the height of her problem. She wasn't sure who she felt sorry for; herself for missing the banalities of travelling, or the younger girl unaware of what she was walking into.

"Okay, I think I've got it." The phantom Alaska stepped back, admiring the triangular shape she'd created with the poles with triumph in her eyes. The victorious grin lasted just seconds before the poles wobbled and instantly collapsed.

"Not a word," she cautioned Paige, and sank to the ground. "I need another pair of hands. Can you see Darwin anywhere?"

Paige did not hesitate before launching herself into the air. It was as if she had been waiting for her cue: both Alaskas watched the Pidgeotto as she soared gallantly towards a nearby tree, Paige trying to look carefree and steadfast but one eye furtively watched Alaska watching her.

Her distracted gaze meant she nearly hit a trunk; Paige ungracefully turned and disappeared into the branches. Almost immediately there was a squawk followed by a shriek; a battle chorus of competing cries sparked, aided by the violent shaking of the tree.

The younger Alaska watched the swaying uneasily. "Paige? Darwin?" she asked with a rhetorical, forced air, clearly not expecting an answer.

But one came in the form of a violent explosion of fur and feathers: the past Alaska shrieked as her two Pokémon soared out from the tree and crashed into her tent, all flailing arms and flapping wings rolling over one another. Their shrieks became louder and more violent, and tent poles flew as they rolled through over the mess.

"Oi, stop that!"

Alaska tensed as she watched her younger self leap towards the pair and throw her arms between them. She hadn't seen it coming then, but with the benefit of hindsight it should have been obvious. She could barely watch as one of Darwin's spindly claws swung out, catching her younger self across the head.

Even in the dark, Alaska could see the flecks of blood fly across the clearing. The fighting stopped immediately. Paige disentangled herself from Darwin and hobbled towards her trainer, leaving the Mankey bouncing inattentively in the background. Paige gingerly reached out with her wings, but the younger Alaska did not accept her touch, her face buried in both of her hands.

"Pid Gee?"

"I'm fine. I just want to build the tent," Alaska said through her hands. "I don't want to sleep outdoors again. Is that too much to ask?"

Paige nodded but made no move towards the tent. She instead jumped onto her Alaska's legs and wrapped her wings around her trainer, resting her head on her chest. The hug went ignored for nearly a minute before the young Alaska, making a sound somewhere between a sigh and a sob, relented and finally relinquished her own face.

Alaska felt torn as she watched the two embrace. Part of her wanted to launch herself forwards and grab her younger self by the shoulder and shake her until she snapped out of it. It's only a cut, she longed to scream, it's only a tent that won't go up. What are you complaining about? Don't you know what's going to come next?

Yet the other half of her remembered how tough those first few weeks had been. Adjusting to life on the road, walking miles every day and sleeping on a thin sleeping bag every night. This was an Alaska who had only fought one robot, who had survived Gideon for the first time, an Alaska alone with only Paige and Darwin for company. This Alaska had no clue what was coming, and that made her all the more pitiable.

Alaska let her eyes wander, taking in every part of the scene. She should have savoured Kanto's beauty more in those early weeks – the trees, the mountains, the dusty, rocky cliffs, they had all been new to her and she had been too distracted by nothing to notice. If she had paid attention, she might have been able to catch more Pokémon; every from this one spot, Alaska could see Zubat flocking amongst the treetops, Spearow resting on some branches while Hoothoot chirped from others, with a Butterfree floating in between, staring down at Alaska and her –

Wait. Hang on a second…

"Butterfree?"

Alaska sat bolt upright. She frantically looked around for the Butterfree but the dark clearing had vanished, replaced by the sunburnt deck of the military frigate. There was a commotion behind her and within seconds a sea of faces surrounded her, Paige and Darwin and Leaf and Kris and Nadia and Frances, but Alaska couldn't see Butterfree amongst them.

"You had us worried there for a while," Kris said, dropping to her knees and putting a hand to Alaska's forehead.

"How long was I out for?" Alaska's temple shuddered at Kris' touch, the human contact snapping her mind awake and opening itself up to a rush of thoughts. Alaska tried to resist them, wanting to hang onto her dream or flashback or hallucination, whatever that had been, but her body had woken up as well and realised it was cold and wet, her clothes soaked through, and her back and chest felt stiffer than ever, and why did her shins of all things hurt like fuck, and –

I think we should give her some space.

Kris, Leaf, all the assembled Pokémon stepped backwards, and Alaska smiled gratefully at Latios. Didn't I ask if that was safe?

Didn't I tell you it wasn't? Latios seemed to smirk as he cast his eyes across Alaska. It's not unusual to take a while to adjust. One of my old trainers fell off and crashed metres onto solid earth. It took his village months to get him back to full health. At least you crashed into the water.

"I fell off a few times in the early days, didn't I?" Kris said, turning to Latias, who nodded, her eyes glistening with fond memories.

"As pleasing as it is to hear that everyone makes the same mistakes as I do, that doesn't really help me heal, does it?"

"Just be grateful your alive," Leaf said, rolling her eyes. "I could hear the slap you made when you hit the water, you would have been knocked out instantly."

Alaska would have been out of it by the time she had actually submerged but her tense, bruised body was a sure clue as to how much it would have hurt. "Well, isn't that what the gods are for, reaching out and picking us out of the water?"

We did not rescue you, Latios said, floating down to her level and gesturing the prow of the boat. Shelley did.

The crowd parted, but Alaska was not sure why. She could not see Shelley anywhere; her eyes darted across the metal floor, looking for the purple shell, but even with Shelley's size she was nowhere to be seen. The only thing Alaska spotted was a hint of pink out of the corner of her eye, and she looked up more out of curiosity than expectation.

A Slowbro met her gaze. Alaska recognised the Pokémon instantly; she once had a teacher about four years ago who made students sit in a 'dunce's corner' if they misbehaved. The distant, gormless gaze of a Slowbro had become very familiar to Alaska over that year, alongside the more attentive, aggressive eyes that stared threateningly out from the base of the tail.

The story that the tail was actually a Shellder, and their bite was what induced the evolution in Slowpoke, had never sat right with Alaska. It had always felt like one of those stories children told, like how Spoink died if they stopped bouncing or that if you studied too hard you'd turn into Kadabra. Yet Alaska now had to question just how many of those stories were true as she limped towards the waiting Slowbro. The pink, fleshy creature watched her without much interest, staring at her and through her at the same time, but the eyes on its tail tracked Alaska's approach, the sinister gaze softening as she got closer.

Hello Alaska.

Alaska's breath caught in her throat. She stumbled to her knees and had to crawl the last few feet. The Slowbro paid her no attention but Shelley started to cry, tears streaming down the spiralled crevices in her shell, and it took all of Alaska's willpower not to weep herself.

"I'm so annoyed at you!"

What? W-w-why?

"You evolved without telling me!"

Shelley laughed faintly inside Alaska's head. Did I evolve? My body changed, but is this evolution?

"Yes, of course it is. I mean, I assume so?" Alaska looked back at the others for assistance.

Leaf pulled a sleek red tablet out of her pocket and started tapping at the screen. "Dex says that it's an evolution that is symbiotic and parasitic in its origins. Shellder that are unable to evolve in Cloyster latch onto passing Slowpoke, either on their tail or heads, and a chemical reaction in the bite induces evolution in the Slowpoke that feeds back into the Shellder."

So… I am a parasite?

"No, no, of course not!" Alaska said, shooting daggers at Leaf.

The gym leader held her hands up defensively but gave Alaska a curt nod. "We'll leave you two to catch up," she said, glancing across at Kris.

"Totally, of course. We can pick up training another time." She smiled awkwardly and followed Leaf back towards the interior. Latias watched her trainer depart but did not follow, instead floating back into the atmosphere, moving like a balloon that had just been released.

I will leave you as well, Latios said, meeting Alaska's eye as he copied his sister's movements. We will talk later.

Alaska smiled back at him; if she had known it would take a near-drowning to get her some privacy, she would have jumped off the deck hours ago. We will need to talk, Mister 'Just Trust Me'. That little dream I just had wasn't a dream, was it?

A memory from another time, one I thought you needed to see.

Alaska's smile turned to a glower; what exactly was he implying this time? She wanted to unpack all she had seen, but her thoughts suddenly felt still, and Alaska realised she could hear no one but herself. All the whispers had vanished; all Alaska could hear now was the gentle churning of the ocean against their boat, and the faint breathing of all her Pokémon.

Now that they were alone, Alaska realised they were all watching her. Paige from her perch on the railing, Darwin, Nadia and Frances from a small group beside her, Bluebell from a small patch of shade she'd marked out on her own. Even the Slowbro was watching her, though Alaska couldn't read anything from its gaze. Its? What gender is it? Is it even mine? Is it Shelley or is it another Pokémon?

He has his own name. Alaska jumped as Shelley's words interrupted her thoughts, and she let her attention fall back to the tail. I can't tell you what it is. The names Pokémon give each other have no place in your tongue.

So it is a he? That can work – Shelley doesn't have to be a girl's name, does it?

Well, I still don't know if we are the same entity. What that girl said is true; I do feel like a parasite. I didn't want to do this, but when I hit the water with you, I knew I had to do something, and Szlooo – I mean, this Slowpoke was coming by, and it seemed like… Shelley trailed off, fresh tears flowing down her face.

"And you did do the right thing!" Alaska leant across and pulled the shell-encrusted tail towards her, letting it droop onto her lap. "I can't thank you enough for saving me. To put yourself through this for me… that is such a huge debt, I have no idea how I'll ever repay it. I just…" Alaska paused, regrouping her thoughts before she carried on. Something wet hit her already damp pants, and she had to bite her lips when she realised it was Shelley's tears. "I just hope you don't regret it."

Regret? No, no, of course not. I am so glad to have evolved, and to do it for you means everything. You rescued me, Alaska, you gave me this life. This evolution… it is strange, I am not sure how to feel or what to do, but to do it for you feels necessary.

"Rescued you? How did I rescue you?"

Shelley laughed quietly. Do you know how Shellder live? We are born on the ocean floors, and it takes months for our shells to harden and our tongues to become strong enough to let us move. During that time, a Cloyster or group of them look after us. I don't know how it came to be like this, but my guardian used to tell us tales of how Shellder used to be able to evolve on our own, but we became lazy and complacent when we learnt to cling onto Slowpoke instead.

Shellder only evolve on their own now when we find gems on the seafloor, but those have become rarer ever since trainers started using them for their Pokémon. If we want to evolve, we have to be caught or find a Slowpoke.

Alaska cast her thoughts back weeks to when she and Sandy were washed up on Route 13. "Your mother – sorry, guardian – gave you to us."

She had been hoping to find me a trainer for some time, and then you appeared and it felt like fate.

"Fate?" The word felt sour in Alaska's mouth. "But did she not want you to become a Cloyster as well?"

She wanted me to travel and experience the world beyond the little pool of rocks we all lived in. It does not matter now what she or I wanted me to evolve into, this is how it must be and therefore how it should be.

"Aren't you worried about what you are missing out on? The life you could have lived otherwise if you had evolved into a Cloyster, or found another trainer, or –"

Why are you asking me this? Shelley asked, her voice pitched and shaking. Do you not like me like this? Are you regretting catching me?

Alaska felt sick at the thought. "No, absolutely not! I'd never think that. You've done so much for me, all of you have, I would never change that."

And neither would I. I would not want to even if I could. I never would have fought before the gods or ridden on the back of one if I had not met you. I meant what I said you did rescue me, and I will always be grateful for this journey you've taken me on.

Alaska had no words. She suddenly felt very cold, a chill that had nothing to do with her still damp clothes. Utterly speechless, she bent over so her whole body seemed to encase Shelley and she hugged tight. Alaska didn't care that her shell was hard and jagged, points and notches across the surface digging into her skin; she preserved and let the pain envelop her.

A sudden breeze swept across Alaska, and she smiled as she felt Paige's wings wrap around her. Months had passed since they had held each other on the side of that mountain, but Paige still knew when Alaska needed her.

The floor beneath them shuddered, and Alaska looked up as Nadia lumbered towards them. She smiled in her gruff but friendly way and threw an arm around the Slowbro – Shelley, Alaska had to remind herself. Her newly acquired Pokémon showed no emotion about the embrace, his eyes moving slowly between Nadia, Paige and Frances, who seemed to have scuttled over in Nadia's shadow.

Alaska wanted to savour this moment for what it was, but her gaze could not help but towards the two outliers. Darwin looked moody and unrepentant as he rested against the railing, staring out at the ocean as though the gathering was not happening just metres away. Bluebell looked more uneasy, tossing her mane and trying to look away in indifference despite nervously trotting in circles as if resentful of being left out.

"Gee!" Paige squawked, making the Ponyta jump.

She cast Paige a haughty look, but with all eyes watching her, Bluebell slowly wobbled towards the group. Paige unfurled a wing from Alaska and stretched it out; Bluebell seemed so alarmed she froze where she was, looking at each Pokémon in turn as if they were seeing this as well. She approached with caution, but the moment Paige had enveloped her, Bluebell seemed to sink into her feathery grip.

Alaska wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. Both emotions were fighting to get out, and she was certain she was on the verge of some sort of breakdown, tears and laughter ready to pour from her in a hysterical double act. The one thing that might push her over the edge would be Darwin joining in as well, and Alaska was for once thankful for his resentment.

She watched him, this stoic creature an anchor for her emotions. The scars were healing but were still visible, harsh red and pink marks that shone through his fur. Alaska thought back to the Mankey she had seen in her dream, those tiny hands silently working to try and assemble the tent, and finally, her dam broke.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I'm sorry I didn't notice you sooner. I'm sorry that I will never be able to stop apologising, but I hope you know what you mean to me.

Her tears fell silently, but her Pokémon still noticed; Alaska managed a single laugh as they all moved in closer – Bluebell dragged by Paige – and she opened her arms wide to fit them all in. Yet before their circle had closed, the second before Nadia's frame had blocked him out, Alaska saw Darwin finally turn around, his eyes heavy with longing as he gazed towards them.


Night forced Alaska inside. She could have stayed out there forever, nestled in the embrace of her Pokémon, but forever did not account for warm clothes and warmer meals. Alaska had not eaten all day and was fast feeling famished as well as frozen, the night air a chilling reminder that she had never truly dried her clothes. Even then, she would have gladly slept on the deck, a starving shell of a person slowly freezing to death, rather than face what waited her inside.

The voice called to her the second Alaska stepped inside. It had been a persistent whisper for hours now, a murmur at the back of her head that was impossible to ignore. Even now with all the other voices – Leaf, Janine, Looker, Emily, all the rest – crying out from the distance, it was Sandy's voice that still insisted on being heard the loudest.

Alaska wanted to ignore it as she had all day. Everything she could hear – the grief, the suffering, the pain – was suffocating her, strangling her own thoughts and memories like a toxic weed growing around her brain. Yet Alaska knew it was a seed she'd helped to plant, one only she could pull out.

She instead ignored her grumbling stomach and the voices that would lead her towards the mess hall and turned towards the dorm rooms. There were still no signs or any guidance to help her through the identical maze of corridors, only the anguished cry of a friend unaware she was even calling out. Alaska knew she was getting closer because the pull of Sandy's thoughts got stronger and louder with each step; soon there were memories that filled her vision, flashes of Caterpie, Metapod, Butterfree superimposed over the corridor.

Suddenly, there was a flash of red mist and a phantom explosion that reverberated through Alaska's head. She paused and stared at her hands, expecting them to be dripping with blood. I don't think I can do this.

You can, and you have to.

Alaska stared at the ceiling, pretending the whining florescent light was Latios. How? How am I meant to comfort her when I have no idea what to say?

You will find the words. When your eyes meet and your memories flow back to you, you will know what to say.

It's my fault that Butterfree died. If Sandy had never met me –

How do you know what would have happened to Sandy? How do you know it is your fault that any of this happened? You talk and act as though everything revolves around you, that people make their choices to suit you, but others are as capable of making decisions as you are.

Alaska knew what was he referring to, even though she had been trying to pretend otherwise for hours. That Butterfree I saw… I thought I had imagined it.

Everything you saw was a memory we share, simply from another perspective. None of it was imagined.

Well, then that means she wasn't the only one following me around back then.

Somehow, Alaska knew Latios was smiling. I was too weak then, and I knew it was too early in your journey to place the truth of our journey on your shoulders. I simply watched and waited, trying to get a grasp on the person you would become.

Imagine how different things would be if I had just looked up.

Indeed. Would it be for the best though? I do not think so. You needed something more in your journey before you could have accepted me.

Like what? Battle experience? A few more brushes with death? A tougher resistance to blisters?

Guidance.

Alaska felt the air relax around her and knew she was alone. "Typical," she muttered, though for once, Latios' vague philosophical urgings had done some good. As Sandy's voice resumed pride of place at the forefront of her thoughts, Alaska let the grief flow through her, accepting the signals and letting them guide her towards her friend.

Doors passed in a blur, the corridor turning dark even as the whining lights continued to flicker indiscriminately above. The whole world seemed to vanish as if drowned out by Sandy's anguish, the corridor barely visible under the wave of memories Alaska was unable to ignore. She wanted to turn and run from them, leave the problem for someone less volatile and guilt-ridden to deal with, but Alaska urged herself onwards until she was blind with phantom emotions that consumed her entirely. She stopped and turned, and knew she had found the right door.

Alaska did not hesitate, least she baulk at the final hurdle. She turned the handle, preparing herself for a fresh assault of sorrow, but the door opened on an utterly dark room and everything fell silent. The voices vanished; all Alaska could hear was the soft tap of the door hitting the wall, followed by a rustle from within the cabin and a creak of springs.

"Alaska?" Sandy's voice had sounded so solid and angry in Alaska's head, but in reality, it was soft and cracked, the hoarse tones of someone who had spent the whole day crying.

"Yeah," Alaska offered weakly. She stepped inside but left the light off. Her eyes were adjusting, faint shapes appearing out of the gloom, but Alaska could not bring herself to look Sandy direct in the eye.

She moved slowly towards the bunk beds and sank to the floor so her head rested on the mattress. Sandy had slumped back down, her back turned against the door and away from Alaska. It was how she had been, but Alaska still took it as a rebuke.

"Sandy, I –" Fuck. Alaska had spent ages walking here, she knew what she wanted to say, but the words just wouldn't form. How was she supposed to vocalise her sympathy and remorse in a way that felt genuine without making it all about herself?

There was so much Alaska wanted to apologise for. For dragging Sandy and Butterfree into this. For not looking out for them. For fighting and pouting and stewing. For letting them be kidnapped. For not stopping Gideon or Amanda or Buzz when she should have. For not finding her earlier. For creating and facilitating the circumstances that put them in the firing line and made them a target worth bringing down.

They were all things that needed to be said, but none of them would bring Butterfree back. The same Butterfree Alaska and her team had trained and battled against so many times. The Butterfree Alaska had exiled one of her own Pokémon over. The first real challenge Paige had ever had. The same Butterfree who, all those months ago, had watched Alaska weep over a broken tent, just to tell her trainer what was happening.

"I've never told you how much you mean to me. I mean, I've said words to that effect before, but I only ever seem to say it after we've been fighting, which kind of makes it feel forced and insincere.

"But I have always meant it, every single time. And that's because you saved my life. I was going mad before I met you. The first time, not just at Mount Moon. My body was broken, my mind was going the same way. My first week in the wild had been spent battling little boys with less of a clue what they were doing then I had, and I was losing faith in myself and the system.

"And then you fell into my life and showed me a different world. One that was more positive and hopeful than the one I was living in. You challenged me, you nearly beat me, and then still kept on smiling, and even after all we saw that day, all you wanted to do was lay back and watch the stars.

"You gave me the boost I needed to find Brock and kick his ass, and once that high had vanished, you returned and helped me find it again. And, ever since then, you've always been there to push me back on the right path, even when I was so intent on running screaming in the opposite direction.

"I don't want to call it fate. I am so sick of talking about that and destiny, as though what happened yesterday was supposed to happen for some greater good. Because it shouldn't have happened, it didn't need to happen, and I am so sorry and so angry and so fucked off that it did.

"But something Shelley said before made me realise. All this time I've spent wallowing in my own self-pity, wondering how things could have been different, I never realised that a different life would mean all these missed connections. Darwin would still be swinging around outside Viridian. Frances would be cowering in a crack in the wall. Nadia would be waiting for someone to rescue her. Onix would still be roaring and screaming looking for someone to guide him. And you and I would have never met.

"I wish I could change things. I wish I had never met Gideon at the museum or had tried to fight that Beedrill. I wish I had turned down Chloe's offer and just focused on my own journey and not been so fucking spiteful. Yet I am happy to spend the rest of my life, however long that is, regretting all those terrible choices and fearing everything that's coming, because this is the only timeline I know for certain where I got to meet you. I love you, Sandy, and I promise to kill the bastards who have ever hurt you because of that fact."

Alaska stood up, ready to leave and let Sandy be at peace, but the second she moved a hand grabbed her arm. Alaska paused and dropped back to her knees, swivelling so she was facing Sandy. It was too dark to see her properly, and Alaska wasn't sure if she was about to get hugged or hit, but she waited and watched Sandy as leant into the light coming in from the hallway, her eyes glistening in the glow.

"I don't know if you had that planned or if that was one of your patented impromptu spiels, but you just came in here, spat all that out, and ignored one simple fact." Sandy leant closer so her forehead touched Alaska's, and she stared deeply into her eyes. "Since when did Shelley talk?"

Alaska sniggered before she even knew she was laughing, and she cackled before she could stop herself. Sandy smiled, weakly at first, but within seconds was laughing with her. The two sat there, heads touching, laughing until they cried, crying until they were sobbing, sobbing until they were laughing again. Their arms fell around each other, both pulling the other into a suffocating grip, and they collapsed onto the bed and howled into each other's faces, moans and jeers and tears and laughter pooling together into one impossible cacophony indecipherable and nonsensical to everyone but them.