Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I am only putting my spin on Stephenie Meyer's already created world of the supernatural.
Warnings: Violence/Gore, mentions/attempt of suicide and character deaths
"Leah, are you alright?" Cold hands cupped my shoulders and a bittersweet aroma surrounded me.
"Edward?" I uttered his name, but I still couldn't believe it was him until I opened my eyes.
I didn't know how or why, but he was there, in one piece and the same clothes he'd worn to the newborn battle. I took his shirt in my hands, bunching it up, wrinkling the expensive fabric. It didn't feel real, I was still waiting for the effect of seeing him, for the bond to pull taut.
It didn't.
The love didn't rush forward, only a fraction of it spilling out at the sight of him. It was like the rest was stuck behind a dam, so close but unreachable. An itch I couldn't scratch would've been a dream compared to this.
The matter of the bond could wait, though. I was more interested in why Edward was even on Quileute land. Eight days and he magically popped up exactly where I was? What were the odds of that?
He was looking me over with a bit of a frown as he answered, "Esme called." Very high odds, then. "Very high. Especially once Carlisle called me in a panic. I couldn't bring myself to ignore that."
"Something to know about me is when I don't answer, I'm fine. It's when I answer that you should worry, or suspect that it's not me on—" I cut off in mid-thought.
There was something else on his scent. Something bad.
I leaned in and took a deep sniff, shocked by the tang of familiar blood. Jacob's blood. A fragile smile worked itself onto his face at my realization, one that looked close to breaking. Before I could even think of what to ask, motion in my peripheral caught my eye.
I let go of Edward, stepping away to see Paul had righted himself from getting tossed to the side like a rag-doll. He started to charge again, but not at me. At Edward.
Protective mode switched on, still healthy despite the state of the bond.
I gave Edward a gentle push to the side and then sprinted to meet Paul in the middle. At the last second, before we crashed into each other, I jumped. I landed a drop-kick square in Paul's chest before he could phase. He went flying as I spun, land on my knees and forearms. He flew straight into the tree Seth and I had climbed all the time when we were both kids. It gave the telltale crack of a broken tree. I was hoping my mom hadn't heard because—
"You rowdy wolves! That tree was older than you two combined!" My mom called from the sidelines, already ticked off with me again.
I'd only just gotten back into her good graces. God, I was going to kill Paul. "I'll plant a new one, Mom. I'll water it with Paul's blood." I held my fists up and kicked off Emily's crocs.
Paul groaned and tried to get up, only to fall flat on his face. He needed a second before he'd be ready again.
I glanced over at Edward in my free time and caught him staring with an expression I couldn't determine. "You ok?" I asked him, bouncing on the balls of my feet.
"Yes. Keep your eyes on your opponent." He nodded over to where Paul was lying and I looked over to find he was already back on his knees, a grimace on his dirty face.
"You can smell it, too! I know you can!" He shouted, shaking and pointing at Edward like he was some sort of alien. That pissed me off more than anything else he'd said. "He killed him!"
I rolled my eyes. "He's killed no one. At best, he gave Jake the punch in the mouth that he's done his level best to earn."
"I have a right to fight him! It's—it's reasonable cause!"
I busted out laughing, only stopping to ask, "It's what?"
"Reasonable cause! It's a real thing!"
"Yeah, sure, in the IRS!"
He bared his teeth, his face red underneath the dirt all over his face. "Enough! Let's end this!"
Paul turned around and yanked down his shorts, much to my disgust. At least he'd turned around. Out of everyone, Paul was the worst about accidental flashing in the pack. He'd forget I was a woman and phase back without thinking after a run. I could've drawn Paul like he was a French girl from memory alone.
Lucky for me, he didn't moon me for very long, shaking out into his wolf form. I sighed when he turned around, his big black eyes expectant.
"Don't do it," Edward ordered from the side as soon as I thought of phasing. "It's not worth it."
"Defending my imprint's honor isn't worth it?" I couldn't let what that idiot had said stand. If I was going to break again, then I might as well break Paul in the process. It was a noble cause. "I disagree."
It took three tries. The first two were unsuccessful because it was hard to be angry. Edward was a few feet away, back after eight days without contact and even if it wasn't what I'd imagined, it was good. In a different, new way. I had to close my eyes for the boiling heat in the pit of my stomach to finally erupt.
Carlisle was sort of right. The microscopic levels of venom in my system made me feel a bit achy, but then it easily sizzled out of my veins. A searing release freed my body to move as it used to. I could finally stretch the muscles that had been threatening to atrophy. So, we'd both been right in a way... But I was more right.
Leah, two. Carlisle, zero.
Oh, I'm gonna mess you the hell up, Lahote! My body was a well-oiled machine as I crouched down on my four legs, all of them in sync.
If I hadn't healed before, I was definitely all healed up now.
New rule! If I win, he's banished! Paul thought with a level of excitement that should've caused foam to pour out of his mouth.
The two of us fought, hard. Blood was shed for the sake of honor, for respect. Edward watched from a distance with my mom who stood a good few feet away from him. With him watching, I couldn't lose. I gave it all I had, having no mercy on my pack-mate. Needless to say, all the blood was Paul's.
Stop worrying about your impressing your corpse and fight me for real! Paul demanded.
No one else seemed to was phased with us and I preferred it that way. No distraction and no intervention. Two golden rules for a good fight.
You won't be able to see straight after I'm done with you!
Probably not since you're planning on blinding me! I thought back, furious that he was already thinking of playing dirty.
Sure enough, he kicked up dirt, aiming for my eyes. Sharing a mind screwed him over, though, and I evaded it without any trouble. I kicked his flank as payback, earning a whimper out of him. In return, he bit my leg hard enough to where I couldn't put all my weight on it. It slowed me down, but still not enough to give him an advantage. Not one he knew how to use, anyway.
It wasn't exactly an easy fight—Paul fought like a hellhound on PCP—but it was a fast one. In the end, fighting with each other while phased always came down to speed and reflexes. Paul was never going to win against me because I could act on my attacks faster than he could think of a way to thwart them.
He phased back after I pinned him and I stood over him to protect my mom's eyes. Even though it was dark, I didn't want to take any chances when it was my mom's eyes at stake.
Paul got the idea. "Can you hand me my shorts, Mrs. Clearwater?" He asked, seething beneath me.
"Here, boy." Mom threw Paul's grey shorts back at him and he caught them without looking. He was too busy glaring at me.
"For the record, I would've had you ten times over if you weren't such a coward and avoided my blows," Paul grumbled. He shimmied into the shorts on the ground and then pushed me back by my muzzle and got up, dusting himself off.
I bumped him with my nose. He knew what he had to do.
"I'll apologize to Seth later." I bumped him again. "Jeez, whaddya want from me? Collin, too. I'll apologize to him, too." A growl started to build in my chest and Paul pushed my muzzle again. "Fine. I'll roll out the welcome wagon. It's not like it could wait until tomorrow or something."
I turned around, whacking him in the face with my tail as I went back to the house. He cursed under his breath before he started walking over to Edward. It was time to own up to his loss, something he'd learned to be good at.
Fighting was the only way to make Paul properly recognize his douchebaggery in an official way. You make a bet with Paul and fight him, that was it, the only solution. The longer you took to get it over with, the more of a horror he became. Only people he respected could do the honor, though, so I was starting to believe what Sam had been saying all week. The pack may have actually missed me. I imagined it got real quiet after both Jacob and I left.
"Embry'll wanna see you, Leah," Paul called out after me as I strutted to the backdoor. He apologized to my mom and let her smack him across the back of his head before addressing Edward. "If any others give you trouble, I dunno. Lemme know, I guess."
I phased back fast just to ask, "What're you gonna do, Paul? Make a bet with them and lose again?"
"Shut up, Leah!" He shouted at me and I snickered as I stepped into the house. "Anyway, lemme know. And, uh, I'll talk with Sam about dissolving the treaty so your family doesn't have to worry about the boundary line. I heard Jared gave a blonde one grief about it."
"Jasper," Edward informed him. "Thank you, Paul."
Paul gritted his teeth as he ran off in a tantrum. Fair was fair, though. He'd lost. Thinking about it, I should have put even more terms on the fight, but hindsight was twenty-twenty.
I wasted no time in getting dressed, not even stopping to turn the lights on. One breath told me Seth had been watering my for me, using the instructions I'd set for each pot. Also, my mom had slept in my bed the night before. She'd brought in Dad's sweatshirt that she still sprayed with his cologne every couple of days.
Sucked knowing that even if I'd died I would have still hurt everyone I loved. It wasn't surprising, but it still sucked. Whether I was around or not, I would always be an effective tool to make everyone else's lives worse. Per usual.
I was almost done buttoning up my shirt when I heard my mom start speaking to Edward. "Paul's animosity toward your kind wasn't misplaced. Our ancestors, out of every enemy they had, hated you the most. If it wasn't for your own cold one ancestors, our tribe would be a peaceful one."
"I cannot undo what others before me have done. I, myself, have made many mistakes that I have not the ability to rewrite. Allow me to offer my deepest apologies for any troubles my kind has brought upon you. I'm so very sorry." His voice was silk, a song of sincerity and beauty. I wasn't even mad at him and I wanted to forgive him.
My mom sighed, which was a good sign. It meant she was losing steam. "Fine. Let's talk about something else." Thank God. "My son murdered someone at your order. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Oh, for God's sake!
"It's one of the worst things I've ever done. My intention was never to turn children into killers," Edward told her, pausing when I almost fell down the stairs in my hurry. "If I'd known how shapeshifters were made, I would have told Carlisle to never come here again, I swear it. And I offer my condolences with a heavy heart about Leah's father, your husband. It saddens me deeply to see a family suffer."
My mom grunted as I hopped down the last of the stairs, yanking my pants up in midair. "I blame an ancient bad judgment for the curse of my bloodline, not you cold ones. I do expect an apology for Leah, though. Her death is on your hands."
It was a few lithe steps out of the house and off of the small, cramped porch to get between him and my mom. "Mom, stop."
"I'm not doing anything," she dared to say and then put a thin, strained smile on her face. "Should I invite him inside?"
Like she'd ever let him inside. "No, it's fine. We're leaving."
He and I had a lot to talk about. But it had to happen somewhere far away from the reserve. People were guiltier of eavesdropping on the reserve than of breathing. It was insane.
Mom nodded, lips twisting into a disapproving frown that had plagued my adolescence. The shadows caused by the night made it seem even more severe than usual.
I didn't have to listen to her thoughts to know what they were about. "I'll be back, Mom. Soon, this time. I promise."
She sniffed and leaned around me to tell Edward, "Next time my daughter's incapacitated, bring her home."
"I will, Mrs. Clearwater," he said, smiling in a way that made me wonder how she hadn't already melted all over our driveway. But then he sobered, his eyes becoming intense, unnatural. "And I will never let what happened to Leah happen again. As long as I walk this earth, she will be safe."
"Good," Mom said, sniffing and uncrossing her arms. "Take care, Leah. By soon, I infer this week." She turned on her heel and headed back inside. I listened to her sit down to watch TV before I faced Edward again.
I stared at Edward, trying to piece together what had just happened. How in the world had that not ended in a big, explosive, nine-hour argument? The denominator was clear and also beyond surprising. Edward. So, he had charmed her somewhat.
Wow.
"Your mother is a kind woman," Edward commented, his posture rigid as he stood opposite of me.
"You only say that because you haven't been on her bad side yet."
"I hope to never be," he said and then fell silent.
I clasped my hands in front of me, then behind myself, then I placed them on my hips. Why couldn't I figure out what to with my hands now? Everything seemed so stupid. I thought I saw something on his face like a smile for a moment, but it was just a trick of the moonlight.
"So," I started, giving a brief scan of the area. "I guess we should go. We can go in your car and I'll have Emily bring mine back to your place." We could talk once we were away from the nosy pack.
I wouldn't have been surprised if they were listening in right then.
"They are."
I wasn't even disappointed. You had to not expect something, to have some hope it wouldn't happen to be disappointed. "Of course. My car's back at—"
"We'll take mine." He started walking, fast. I followed, barely managing to collect Emily's crocs and throw them on and keep up while in my human form.
The silver Volvo was off the side of a road in a patch of grass, crooked with the driver's seat door still open. I stopped at the sight of it. It was impossible to ignore, my mind immediately jumped to the only conclusion.
Edward had panicked over me.
With the soft beeping of his car, he murmured, "I was only concerned you would get yourself killed again. Your death would have caused me more pain."
"Ok." I was smiling as he unlocked the doors, walking over to my side. He surprised me by opening my door for me.
"Habit," he claimed.
I decided to tease him, to try and make light of things for once. "One more time and it'll be a pattern. And vampires are unchanging, right?" There was the tiniest twitch of his lips before he shut my door.
Edward flashed into the driver's seat, not bothering with buckling up before he put the car into reverse. The sound of the door shutting came as he was turning us around to leave.
He turned on some music as we raced down the empty roads, no traffic around for a few miles. He pitched it at a low volume after a second. "Is this alright?"
"Yup. I like this artist."
"You kept busy," he said offhandedly. "Did you enjoy snooping through my things?" The cat was out of the bag. "Very much so."
Since I couldn't lie anyway, I told him, "It wasn't like that. I missed you." That shut him up.
We assumed a purposeful silence, waiting out the unwelcome listeners. My leg started bouncing with my impatience and I kept throwing looks Edward's way for the sign we were good. It felt like an eternity before he met my eyes and gave me a nod.
I spoke plainly. "Before you start, I need to say something. When you see something like that happening, you have to stay out of it, Edward. It's a pack matter and I can handle myself."
"I saw."
"Sorry about that." He threw another glance at me, his eyebrows drawn together. "Read my mind if you're so confused."
"I'm always listening to you, but it's your very thought process that's confusing me. Why would I be upset that you can fend for yourself?"
I crossed my arms. "Not that I can, but how I did."
"Oh," he whispered. I slumped into my seat and waited for the telling off. "Actually, I am the one who should be apologizing. You clearly know what you're doing."
I braced for nuclear impact and got a pat on the back instead. "Did Carlisle tranq you?"
He smiled before pushing it off his face with some effort. "Believe it or not, some can manage leniency without being drugged." He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a voiceless laugh in a sharp exhale. "Out of all the things I can be, however, I never expected to be the one protected. I'm not sure I've ever been pushed out of the way of danger before. Usually, I am the danger."
I snorted. "Yeah, ok." He'd terrify me later with stories about how he smiled and a woman fainted at the sight. You know, because it was so evil.
"Not everyone is so carefree as you. Many actually hesitate when faced with the prospect of death." Would he ever get over the newborn incident? "How can I? Your thoughts were uniquely disturbing."
"I already promised I wouldn't die again, but that means you're stuck with me."
He pulled over to the side of the road and a pang of fear chilled my chest. "Don't worry, you didn't make me upset," he told me, answering a question I never got to ask. "About the bond—"
"It's weak, Edward, but it's still there. Unless Carlisle breaks it, it's always gonna be there."
He didn't argue back, which was a pleasant surprise. I rubbed my eyes, waiting for him to start driving again. When we sat still on the side of the road, I risked looking over at him. He had his jaw clenched and was staring at me with enough intensity in his eyes to make me flinch. I felt the way my own eyes widened in response.
"Sorry," he whispered and stared back out of the windshield. "Before I was called by Carlisle, I was outside, watching the sunset. The most impossible day was coming to a close."
"I heard Jake was leaving," I mentioned, remembering Quil's words from earlier.
He swallowed hard, saying nothing in response. I was starting to get worried. What could have happened? The scent of Jacob's blood kept teasing me, daring me to guess, but I did my best to keep assumptions out of my head. I didn't want to agitate him with my thoughts.
"You should know that I'll be around a lot more often now." His hand that had been sitting idly on his steering wheel squeezed. Just as quickly it outstretched, his palm balancing on the wheel. "When Bella and I spoke back on the day of the battle, she decided that she wanted to leave. She told me it would be for a month, so she could think things over."
"Bella said that?" That couldn't have been right.
"She swore she would come back with a decision of what to do." None of that made any sense. Quil had said Jacob was leaving. "Jacob's going with her."
"No way." It was impossible that she'd prefer Jacob in any capacity to Edward.
"I spent the entire week attempting to talk sense into her, to get past that mongrel and see my Bella. I tried to tell her to stay, that you didn't want me and I didn't want you, so many times. She wouldn't listen to me. She—" He was gone, the driver's door hung ajar.
I got out of the car, too, and chased after his scent. Tree frogs quieted as I sprinted past them and I startled a family of rabbits by jumping over them. The scent of Edward was so different, but still just as easy to track. I found him deep in the forests, miles away from the car.
Moonlight shone in sparse patches through the looming tree limbs, blotting the ground. Edward stood in the soil and mossy roots, a patch of moonlight on his back. He faced away from me. I bet he was hoping Bella would come out from behind a tree trunk or pop up from a waterlogged branch on the forest floor. I was kind of hoping that she would.
I walked up to his side, giving him three feet of space. "I'm so sorry, Edward."
I couldn't help remembering all the times I'd seen Sam around the reservation after our breakup. I'd kept hoping he'd turn around to look at me and say everything was ok and we could still be together.
"We didn't technically break up," Edward stated, voice flat. He didn't believe his own words. "She could change her mind."
"She will," I agreed with a helluva lot more conviction than him. "And if she doesn't, I'll make her."
He winced. "No, I don't want that."
"Whatever you want, I'll do it," I swore, earning his gaze away from the green. His eyes were bright with an agony that echoed in my soul. I remembered what that had felt like. "Let me help you."
"If I told you what I did earlier, you would stop saying such kind things." His face was the picture of a tormented soul. It was killing me, weak bond or not.
"Tell me what happened for Esme's sake. Tell me so I can tell you it's not so bad and she can see you come home." I remembered Esme sitting on the edge of his bed with me, sighing as one of his songs came to an end.
"Manipulative," he accused weakly. He looked sick, it was worrying the hell out of me.
"I do my best," I replied. He surprised me with a weak smile. "C'mon, fangs, we're not pulling teeth here. You're just telling me what happened. And me? I'm harmless to tell 'cause I'm bound to still love you, no matter what."
He frowned then, looking down at his hands. "The bond isn't the same any longer."
"It's different, but some things haven't changed." I reached back into my memories, looking for one in particular. "There's still nothing you can say to make me go away."
My repeating myself from the night he found me in his room seemed to do the trick. The truth poured out of him with zero resistance. "I fought him. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I did." He looked like he would be sick at any second and balled his hands into fists. "I was doing well with accepting her decision, accepting a life without her. Then Jacob started thinking about—about her and the things he'd do to her and I—" He ripped off a nearby tree limb and throwing it hard into a thick trunk nearby. The limb crumbled into the soil, sap slowly seeping out of the tree trunk he'd damaged.
"That's not so bad." I wanted to believe it wasn't, but with how much blood I smelled on him I couldn't be sure.
Edward turned toward me, his eyes a feverish, burning gold. "I beat him into the ground, Leah. I created a crater with his body." The fire in his eyes was put out then, gone as fast as it had come. "But then Bella started screaming—or she might have been the entire time." He buried his face in his hands in a sharp, sudden movement.
"Well…" I trailed off, processing the new information. It took me a while to come to a judgment. "I'm proud of you." He took his hands off of his face, showing me just how astonished he was.
"You're serious," he said like he couldn't believe it. But what was so difficult for him to wrap his mind around?
"You showed restraint. Jacob would've died if it'd been me in your position." I shrugged, trying not to remember all the horrible things I'd done to Sam and Emily in the past. "Compared to me, you're a saint. Compared to anyone else, you're a good person."
My surroundings blurred and in an instant, I was pressed up against a tree with Edward's hand over my mouth. "It's you," he whispered. I had nowhere to look but straight into his eyes that glowed with a burning hatred. They almost emanated heat. "Do you even know what you've done to me?"
Left with no option to speak, I gave a slow shake of my head.
"You've changed me, forever. I can never go back to living the way I did before you." I tried to take his hand off of my mouth, but he snatched both of my wrists up in his long fingers. "You are the reason Bella left at all."
I didn't defend myself. I couldn't. His grip tightened.
"The endless midnight of my life had only just ended. I could see all the possibilities of happiness waiting for me, I could see a life for myself. In fact, I could only see one life for myself and it was the most perfect life I could ever want."
It was like he was made for the sole purpose of torturing me. I got to imprint, but it was on the one man who could hurt me like no one else. Even Sam's words never cut me so deep. And the thing was, I couldn't even do anything about this. With Sam, I could've stopped going out of my way to hurt him whenever I wanted. With Edward, I was screwed. Edward was my greatest reward and my cruelest punishment.
"I know I shouldn't blame you for this," he admitted, eyes still alive with loathing. "You can't help your nature, that you came in like chaos, like a storm. You can't help yourself. But I should be able to."
My heart thrummed in my throat, my mouth and throat completely dry. I couldn't have spoken even if I'd wanted to. It was so sick, but I still preferred being here, like this, with him, than anywhere else.
"I want to hate you and be done with it!" He suddenly yelled.
The creatures of the woods all fled, already having kept their distance since they feared vampires—the true apex predators. In their absence, the woods became deadly quiet in our vicinity. I could hear my breathing, fast and shallow through my nose. My nerve endings had deadened except for where he was touching me. I was so focused on myself and my senses that I almost missed how Edward was trembling.
"I need to hate you," he said in a way that sounded like he was begging for my permission. "I try so very hard to." He lowered his head down, resting his forehead on my shoulder. "But I'm so exhausted."
He let go of my wrists and, before I could psyche myself out, wrapped my arms around him in a hug. An interminable amount of time passed before his arms went around me, clinging tight. But that was the moment I knew the fighting was over. He was too heartbroken to keep it up and I didn't want to. So, we hugged instead.
And so slowly that it was hard to even notice, I warmed him up and he cooled me down. It was strange how two odd people—two enemies—could level each other out perfectly. We fit together so well that it was almost freaky. All the strange changes that our bodies had gone through to make us what we were had shaped us to be perfect matches.
My skin was tougher than a human's, which made his skin softer to my touch. We were pretty much as strong as each other. It almost felt like I was a wolf because he was a vampire. Of course, I was fire. After all, he was ice. Neither were special without the existence of the other.
Without any warning, an almost audible click came from my heart as it yanked itself back together.
The dam holding back all the awaiting love lowered and flooded me again with adoration for the man. I was overcome just like before, back in that clearing…but then it calmed. The unstoppable, coursing river turned into a tranquil lake and the ache of my soul hushed into still water.
He let go of me, stepping away. I let my arms slip off of him without resistance, like a water droplet sliding off a leaf. With an almost curious expression on his face, he picked up my left hand, holding it in both of his. The thrill of the touch was muted against the overwhelming comfort it brought.
The bond was back and stronger. I doubted even death could sever the hold on us anymore.
"No turning back now," he stated with no clear emotion.
I almost didn't want to ask, "How do you feel about that?"
He gazed down at my hand, already cooling at the fingertips. "I'm not sure yet. In any case, Carlisle needs to take a look at you. The bond seems to be more physical than we first believed.
I sighed at the thought of my undead doctor. "He's just gonna kill me the second he sees me."
"You think so? I imagine he'll be too busy with me when he finds out you phased and I did nothing to stop you." How would Carlisle know I phased? "Shapeshifters smell especially potent after phasing."
Great. The benevolent Doctor Cullen was going to kill us with his healing hands.
Edward smiled and released his hold on my hand. "He's not going to kill you. Although, you may find death preferable to the lecture he's guaranteed to give you."
"You're probably right. You should just kill me now."
Completely ignoring my comment, he said, "I think you bring out the stern father in him even more than Emmett does. That's quite a feat."
"Seriously? This is me tame and toned down. Carlisle's head would've exploded if he'd known me when I was in high school."
Try as he clearly did to fight it off, he ended up smiling at the flood of pubescent memories that ran through my head. The light of his smile easily put the moon to shame. Stars must get jealous of the way he could beam.
And it looked like the cheesy, adulating thoughts were back. Great.
"Did you really dye your hair platinum blonde to prove a point to your mom, or do you just have a very vivid imagination?"
Why did he have to pick that bad memory out of all the other ones I had of being fifteen? He just had to pick the one that made me cringe the hardest.
"That one's very real." I could still recall how my scalp had burned and I had a brief scare I'd scalded my hair off with chemicals. "And it turned out she was right, I looked ridiculous. Shut up."
He was still smiling as he defended himself with, "I didn't say anything."
"You Cullen siblings all smile when you're guilty," I replied, sulking for a second. "Anyway, enough about me being a stupid kid. Tell me about the less horrible days of your week."
"The days were all commensurate in their horror. The nights were more bearable, but I avoided home and roamed the earth in favor of returning." Why wouldn't he come home? "I didn't think you wanted to see me."
That threw me for a loop and down a freaking cliff.
"You're funnier than you mean to be," Edward commented with a musical chuckle.
"Edward, you could've come back just to rip my heart out and stomp on it and I would've done the same stupid thing with my hands." I stuck my hands into my jean pockets, paranoid about another gesticulation mishap. He grinned at the sight, doing stupid things to my heart. "I always wanna see you."
Instead of stiffening, or wincing, or backing away, he gazed into my eyes. He even looked better, somehow less pale than before. "I feel better."
"Good. My job is done." I pretended to wipe sweat off my brow, inspiring another one of his pretty smiles.
A tiny silence took place, one a lot more bearable than the one that still haunted me from when we were in his room. Edward smiled and I realized he was listening to me. "You're so loud, it's difficult not to listen to you."
"Sheesh, sorry. I'll try to think quieter." I wasn't sure how I was going to go about doing that, but I'd definitely try.
"Don't. I like your thoughts." I was aware again of the fact that he was still holding my hand. He didn't let go. "I can't. Not right now." His eyes became fiercely vulnerable again, revealing the pain just underneath the surface.
It took my breath away. I whispered with the heaviest heart, "Ok."
"Thank you." He licked his lips, lost for a minute before he came back. His eyes focused again. "Before we head back, would you like to see where I went most nights? I—"
"Yes," I answered fast. "Also, continue."
"I was only going to say that I know Carlisle and Esme are waiting for us, but I don't think our trip will make a big difference."
"Don't worry about Esme, I exaggerated her concern. She's usually too busy with Seth to worry about either of us for more than a minute at a time." I thought about the past week and Edward laughed, the lovely sound putting a smile on my face. "Yeah, it's gotten pretty bad."
"I can drive him home tonight if you like," he offered, ever the angel.
It was tempting, but, "It's gotta be me this time."
We ran back to the car together, neither of us had the patience for a stroll. He turned on the heater once we were back in the car, but I switched it back off and turned on the music instead.
"You're not cold," Edward said, not quite making the cut for a questioning inflection. "I forget, at times, that you're not quite human."
"Me too. But then I explode into a wolf and I remember pretty quick." I glanced over at him from the glove compartment I was rooting around in. He was smiling. "Telling me what happened took a weight off your shoulders. You're all smiles now."
"Am I?" He sounded surprised, his eyes flicking over to me for the briefest second. "Hm."
The two of us settled into a comfortable silence after I put in a CD that looked interesting. Every now and then, he would ask a quiet question about what I thought about different songs or books in his room. He didn't seem like he upset over my snooping anymore, so that was good. I tried so hard not to think it, but it seemed like we were…bonding.
"I suppose we are." I jumped, even though his voice was soft. He smiled at me, eyes catching my hands that were in nervous fists. "You don't need to worry anymore. It won't go back to the way it used to be."
"The bond, our day-to-day interaction or your opinion of me?"
He pondered my question, the jazzy pianist trilled away through the speakers in the sleek car. In his own time, he replied, "All three."
"Ok." I looked out of the window, forcing myself to remain calm. "But, just so you know, I won't be upset if it changes again when Bella comes back."
"I appreciate your sincerity. Thank you."
Everything looked way too beautiful now that Edward was on good terms with me. Now that we were friends.
"Provisionally." Fair enough.
Along the way to our mystery destination, I noticed we had fast driving in common. I made a game out of spying plants and trying to remember their names before we passed them. It was fun.
I was winning.
"Not even close," Edward argued, though his tone was light, relaxed.
"Fine, whatever." I didn't care about winning. It wasn't even a real game and it was too dark out for my human eyes to see right.
It was a stupid game anyway.
"Leah," he said, amusement in his eyes when I looked back at him. "You're almost as sore a loser as Carlisle."
Carlisle was competitive? God, that made so much sense! Now, I knew why he'd beaten me so bad at chess. The first three times I'd let slide, but seven times in a row with no tips on how to beat him in the next round? That mean old man was competitive as hell!
"Mean old man," Edward quoted me, a sweet smile growing on his lips.
"I know, I know. Not as funny as I mean to be."
As I was picking at my nails, we drove down a long stretch of rough road. I was pretty sure we were getting close now.
He mentioned as we started to slow down, "I forgot to tell you something. Jacob told me to tell you he guesses he's sorry."
"Before the fight, I'm guessing."
"The day before, and he was being earnest. He believes the reason you died was due to him distracting you with talk of me and Bella." He rapped his fingers against the steering wheel, a tension growing around him. It was so much easier to pick up on his emotions now.
"What's wrong?"
He straightened up in his seat where he'd been leaned and relaxed until now. "The truth is that it's my fault."
Stunned seemed like a stupid understatement for what I felt. "Uh, what? Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you up on a mountain when it happened?"
"Precisely. If I'd been down there, that wouldn't have happened." He rapped his fingers again, the whole wheel rattling with the force of it. "I would have been fast enough to stop it."
"Yeah, but without you, Bella might've died from Victoria's backhanded sneak attack. You made the right call." How could he not see that?
If I'd had to choose before the battle, I would've made Edward fight. It had been a good decision to stick by her, even if it wasn't for the reason of keeping her safe so much as keeping her sane. Plus, Seth would have been alone and that would have killed me by itself, with no help from the hug-loving newborn.
"And I got to see my dad, too, so it worked out."
I could feel his faint presence in my mind before he murmured, "Interesting. I didn't hear anything when you died. Your thoughts simply went away."
"That gives even more validity to the experience then." The tiny trace of doubt was erased. It really had been my dad. "Dying was the best thing to ever happen to me."
He got a kick out of that. Peals of his laughter overshadowed the music, making it sound like a racket in comparison. "And here I thought to die was a horrible experience for everyone."
"Only for those that stay dead."
"Me included," he retorted.
I clicked my tongue, my eyes wandering back to my window. "You're not dead in the ways that matter."
"Is that so? I trust you'll explain the rules of life and death's relativity to me a bit later." He eased the car into a stop, unlocking the doors. "For now, we're here."
I almost opened the door for myself. Edward was faster, though. "And now it's a pattern."
He offered me a hand out that I took without a thought. It felt simple, natural like we'd always done that. "I hope your eyes will be able to see alright."
"They will, just not while we're going a hundred miles per hour." I stretched as I looked around what seemed like nothing in the middle of nowhere. "We're not there yet, are we?"
"After a bit of a hike, we will be. Follow me."
He kept a swift pace, but I kept up, abandoning my shoes when they kept slipping around due to recent rain. I was always faster barefoot, anyway. We got to where we were going in around twenty minutes, give or take, and it wasn't at all what I expected. Though, I couldn't tell you what I'd thought he was leading to me now that I knew what it was.
We stood before a stunning meadow teeming with bloomed wildflowers that stole away the breath of anticipation I'd been holding. It was a delicate sort of beauty, the whole place topped with a pleasant natural, floral perfume. An innocent breeze told me the beauty wasn't what had brought Edward there.
I smelled Bella.
The pieces came together as I stared at moonlight bouncing off of the blades of grass dotted with rain. The flowers also sparkled like diamonds were nestled on their fragile petals instead of raindrops. To help the enchanting meadow, fireflies drifted out from the trees, creating a cozy glow. The beauty of the place was a bit distracting, but I would've had to have been brain-dead not to see it.
"This is where you two would go." I peeked over at him, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at a patch of recently trampled grass. Bella had been to the meadow—today, by the smell of it.
"She came one last time. For closure, I believe. I watched her from afar, like a trespasser who feared being seen."
He went out to the middle of the meadow and kneeled, arms hung uselessly at his sides. The animals in the area didn't flee at the sight and scent of him. They were used to him. It spoke to how much time he must have spent here, with her.
"She didn't know I was here when she came last, I made sure of it. Yet, she bade me farewell. Not in the temporary sense, but with a finality and tears in her eyes that were beyond beauty. If she didn't mean it, I know Jacob will make sure she does by the end of the month."
I took a careful step into the meadow, avoiding flowers. "You don't know that."
"I do," he told me, adamant. "She will be gone and I will be forever waiting. Forever hoping that this goodbye will someday lose its permanence."
Careful of the bed of wildflowers, I knelt down beside him. He kept his eyes focused outward, on the dark of the woods. His skin was so pale, but this was the first time I'd looked at him and seen a corpse. Without Bella, he considered himself dead.
"Everything can change in less than a day. She could be back tomorrow and begging for your forgiveness for all you know. "
"You really believe that," he murmured, eyes slipping closed. His eyelashes cast faint shadows across his pale cheekbones. "I want to believe, too. I want to believe she'll come back."
"God, Edward. Can you stop moping for five seconds? Don't tell yourself no! You still stand a chance!" I never stood a chance. The second Sam met Emily, I lost him. Edward should be thanking his lucky stars Jacob didn't imprint, that it was me instead of him.
"But you don't understand it, Leah." I looked over again, but this time, I found him staring at me already. "The Volturi have seen her twice and are expecting her to be turned to my way of life. Even if she decides she doesn't want me, she must be changed. If she does not turn, they'll kill her and I can't let that happen—I can't." He covered his mouth with his hand, long fingers curling around his face to make a firm clasp. He looked sick again.
Shoot. My work was never done with him.
Carlisle had mentioned The Volturi, how they policed all other vampires. If they really did want to kill Bella— "We'll stop them," I said, decisive. I'd get the pack to help.
He spoke through his fingers, his voice barely above a whisper, "It's not possible, trust me when I say that. Everyone would die if we attacked, even with combined forces."
I had serious doubts that they couldn't be taken down with the right set of people. "She can hide until fighting's an option."
"There's no place she could hide where someone wouldn't kill her or turn her in. She must be turned by the end of this year or The Volturi will kill Bella to ensure she can't jeopardize our secret." He screwed his eyes shut like a knife was being twisted into his chest. "But how could I do such a thing? What must she think now? Her reason to want anything other than a normal life has vanished. I couldn't possibly have Carlisle change her now."
"This is a case of crossing a bridge once you get to it. You can't make a decision until she comes to her own at the end of the month." He let his hand fall from his face, which shined to my eyes even in the dull, waxing light of the moon. "Gotta know the circumstances to make the right decision, fangs."
"I know. You're right." He drew in a long breath, exhaling and turning the air sweet and inviting. His scent had gone back to normal. "I can wait for a month. I waited ninety years to find her, a month is nothing."
"It'll go a lot faster if you come home, too." I reached out, plucking lupine from the soil and examining it.
Of all the places I'd been, few places had such a wide array of wildflowers growing in its soil as this meadow. He'd found a place I would have adored as a hideaway when I'd still felt like hiding. It even had a stream nearby that babbled and fed the small bit of paradise.
"Why would you hide?"
"When I was a kid, to freak out the adults who were looking after me. As an adult, I did it to escape being Sam's ex for a few hours. Bunnies didn't care about my romantic history." Bunnies also didn't talk, so I liked them a lot.
Edward adjusted to where he could lay down and then gazed at me. After a while, he asked softly, "It bothers you that much?"
"Huh?" He raised an eyebrow at me, eyes glittering. "Oh, flowers. Yeah, kinda. You're crushing them."
"Here," he said and sat back up. "I'll keep the deaths to a minimum tonight."
I gave an unimpressed guffaw, drawing a loud laugh out of him. "My hero," I snarked, reaching out to catch a firefly.
"You're mine after tonight. At the very least, you're my noble knight who fought on behalf of my honor," he teased. It took me aback. I hadn't seen this side of him very often. "You will now."
"Now that we're provisional buddies." The two of us chuckled over the stupid term.
"Did you ever want to go to college?" He asked later when I was thinking about Seth's popularity in his summer school.
Mom hated it when I called his summer program a summer school. As far as I concerned, that's what it was. More school preparing him for the future adult school that we all called college.
I shrugged. "College wasn't important to me, even before I started phasing. I mean, I would've gone someday, but I was more focused on Sam and helping my dad with the tribal council. I had a job, too, but, I dunno. My priorities were different."
"I see." He watched me as I exhaled deeply, running my hands through my hair. "Show me the places you used to hide."
I thought of all the caves and valleys I'd found in the mountain ranges while storming away from my problems. I liked mountain summits the best because they made everything look so small, like I could overcome it all and be home for dinner. There was this one, special creek that was crystal clear. I was never able to find it again, though. But I was finally ok with it since it all paled next to relaxing in Edward's room, stretched across his couch. He had such a sick view, too.
"You would love Greece," he told me. "The waters there are the lightest shades of blue and green. Completely transparent all the way down to their macrophytes."
Greece? I could barely leave my house without everything going to hell. "I could never go."
"Don't tell yourself no," he repeated, using my own words against me with a teasing smirk.
I scowled and stood up, crossing my arms over my chest. "Don't get all smart with me. You've seen how hard I can kick people."
"I don't think I'll ever forget it," he stated with a laugh, mirth hidden in the corners of his smile.
He was steadier, I could tell from the way he was breathing, how his eyes had softened again to honey. As long as neither of us overthought it, I could take care of him. I could keep him well until Bella came back.
But it was time to go home, he couldn't avoid it forever.
"You'd be surprised how long I can avoid something." I stood up and wordlessly held out my hands. "Couldn't we stay for a little longer?"
"No. Let's go before I change my mind and hide somewhere Carlisle will never find me." He smiled at that, but got up without touching me.
He seemed distracted on our way back to the car. I didn't understand why until he was driving us away and he said, "Leah, I'm so deeply, deeply ashamed of the way I acted towards you. I've no excuse for such awful behavior and I know you've already forgiven me, but I still owe you this apology. I owe you so many more apologies than this."
"No, you don't. It's fine."
"It isn't fine." He sighed, backing out of the parking spot with a grimace on his face. "I suppose all I can do now is never do it again. It's just frustrating when you forgive me so easily—I feel like I haven't earned it."
"Same here. Emily forgave me really fast, but getting over the guilt took longer."
Grateful as I was to be back in Emily's good graces, I knew I didn't deserve it. It was hard to get over the feeling of being an impostor when she and Sam would visit me. I felt like they thought I was someone else, someone good who hadn't made a concerted effort to be the devil on earth. They were mistaken and had the wrong woman. I wasn't the one who was supposed to be loved and considered by them.
"And then I got over it."
"Did you?"
I shrugged, his question prompting my stomach to twist itself up. "Yeah, I did." I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. And then I remembered— "Ah, crap! I left Emily's shoes somewhere in the forests."
"I'll buy her new ones. Does she like Prada?"
"Well, I lost a pair of crocs, so I think a Prada replacement should be fine. And moving onto a wildly different, separate topic, do you ever burn money just because you can?"
A faint smirk creeped onto his face. "There's only been one instance of money-burning and that was in the fire of '98."
"What's the fire of '98?" Sounded ominous.
"I'll tell you later."
It wasn't that long until we were approaching his place. I started to steel myself. We broke through the narrow path and the entire Cullen family was waiting out front. I felt like my heart sped up at the sight of them, but Emmett's gleeful laugh confirmed it. I hadn't been so nervous since I ate mushrooms and then had to go home while I was still high as hell. My dad knew the second he saw me that I was on something and I got the punishment of a lifetime. But Carlisle couldn't ground me…
Right?
Edward laughed. He was no help.
Esme was the first to greet us. I got a stern frown before she enveloped Edward in a hug that, though it looked fragile, I knew could crush me.
"Leah, we were worried sick over you. What were you thinking?" Carlisle beelined for me because I was just lucky that way.
His voice was gentle and so was his touch as he looked over me, twirling me around to get the complete angle of my wellness. Pretty clear how pissed off he was, though. It was all in the eyes with cold ones.
"Don't be mad. I'm completely fine and I didn't do anything you wouldn't have wanted me to—"
"You're a liar and a bad one, at that. I can smell that you phased, you reek," Rosalie said from the porch, seemingly frustrated with me. Like, genuinely. "Can't you take it a little easy? You died a week ago."
"Rose, I'm fine. I even fought today—" Esme released an audible gasp and holding a hand over her heart. "No, no, but it's fine. I'm fine. I'm better than fine, my bruises are gone and look—look, I brought Edward home! Good job, Leah."
Carlisle glanced at Edward and they shared a meaningful look before the attention was back on me. "Let me see your scar." I lifted up my shirt, Edward the only one showing any sign of discomfort.
"She's wearing a sports bra, calm down," Rosalie said from the huge porch. Edward sneered at her and she sneered back.
"Where's Alice?" I asked, looking around for the scary pixie.
Jasper answered, "Out shopping for that event she's planning."
"It's still there, faintly, but you're right. You healed well," Carlisle said and to my surprise, looked relieved. I guessed he didn't about who was right so long as I felt better.
Crap. I felt bad now.
"It all disappeared after I fell asleep in the bathtub—don't freak out, there wasn't a risk of drowning." I glanced at Jasper for help and he gave me a subtle nod. Carlisle's eyes softened a bit. "Jeez, you guys are all super paranoid. Did Bella almost die every five minutes?" Rosalie smirked at my question and strutted back inside, letting me know I'd hit the nail on the head. "Well, I'm tough. And also very sorry for not calling."
Edward came up to my side and Carlisle brought him into a brief hug. "She's a very proficient fighter and I was there to watch her back. She's well now—or as she would and has said six separate times, fine." I elbowed Edward's side and he stifled a laugh.
The Cullen family reacted weirdly at our tiny exchange. It took me a few seconds to realize why. "The bond changed again and we're friends now."
"Provisional friends," Edward corrected me. Something flashed across his face before he hissed, "Rosalie, stop it."
"I'm only stating the facts," she said from her room. I could smell nail polish a second later. "Besides, my prediction will be proven in time."
Emmett let out a loud groan. "Angel, you promised there wouldn't be secret conversations right off the bat!"
"Sorry, sorry," she mumbled and couldn't have sounded less apologetic if she'd tried.
But Carlisle was being so quiet. It was starting to scare me, so I made a split-second decision to address him. "I'm really sorry. I won't do anything like that again."
"You're both back and unharmed. The only person you need to apologize to is Esme, for almost worrying her into a second death." Esme smiled meekly, seeming sorry for having been concerned for my wellbeing.
"Sorry, Esme," I muttered, surprising myself by meaning it.
"It's alright, dear. Do you have your phone now?" Edward immediately started laughing again and I elbowed him hard enough to where he stumbled to the side. Esme grinned at the two of us and said, "That's alright, too. We'll buy you one."
"That'd be great." I had no qualms freeloading off of them. They were the richest people I'd ever met, it did not bother me. "Now that my slap on the wrist is over. It's your turn."
Edward sobered. "Yes, it is. Go inside, I'll be there soon."
"Sure thing." I gave Carlisle a tentative pat on the shoulder as I went by him and Esme a smile. Emmett followed me inside while Jasper nodded as I passed him, staying rooted where he was.
I flopped down beside Seth on the couch, waking him up from the food coma he was in. I stole the remote from him while he was still disoriented and switched on the TV. He went through a bunch of different emotions, all of them displaying across his face before he settled on happiness.
"You're back! How'd it go?" He asked as Emmett sprinted upstairs to go see Rosalie. I pointed at the left corner of my mouth and Seth mirrored me, wiping the drool off his mouth with the back of his hand.
I snorted, ruffling his hair in the way I knew he despised. "Let's just say that Paul won't be a jerk to you again anytime soon." After a moment of channel-surfing, I muttered, "And there are a few things changing in the pack. Things we should talk about, privately."
"Oh, man." He sighed and slumped deeper into the couch.
"You don't even know what it is yet and you're already moping."
"I can tell it's bad. You only ever wanna talk about the really bad things in private." He sunk even lower into the cushions and I choked down a laugh, knowing he'd get all uppity if he heard me laughing at the way he pouts.
He'd pouted the same he had way all his life, with his bottom lip stuck out and his arms crossed. It always made me see him as a baby again.
Emmett came back downstairs, a big grin and pink lipstick on his face. "Nice goin' with Edward, Flash. Knew you'd bring him around."
"It was my immense intelligence and good-natured personality that won him over in the end."
His grin grew bigger. "Yeah? And how'd you actually win him over?"
"I chased him down in the forest." Emmett started laughing and I used the loud sound to my advantage. I leaned over and whispered to Seth, "Ready to go?"
It was rough seeing the smile wiped clean from his face, but he had to go home. Edward was back and I needed to focus on helping him and Carlisle make futile attempts at breaking the bond. The program Seth was enrolled in was serious, too. He couldn't keep going in late because he was spending all his time here.
We walked out and took Emmett's Jeep since he'd insisted on it. Mom's light was off when we got home. My hope was that he'd go right to sleep since he was already napping pretty peacefully back at the Cullen's.
"Did you and Mom ever work things out?" I asked him as he unbuckled his seatbelt.
"Yeah, we did. After you died, she changed a lot." He started fidgeting with the drawstring on his sweatshirt, not making a move to leave.
I guessed I wasn't getting out of being emotional tonight. "I just wanna say that what happened at the clearing won't happen again."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." I gulped, my left leg restless and bouncing. "'Cause I love you a lot. I'd go to hell and back to make sure you're happy and healthy. I'm sorry I let you down in the first place."
He threw his arms around me, crushing me into a hug. "I love you, too, Leah. I forgive you, we all do." He squeezed me harder and I reached a hand up, patting his back.
When Seth was a baby, he was just as wonderful as he was now. He would smile at anyone and everyone. He would reach out to people so they would hold them, offering perfect strangers hugs. And I've always been jealous of his empathy that he got straight from Dad. But since he was like this big ball of sensitivity, I had to be his shell. I protected him and stuck up for him and defended him. So, when I shattered at the clearing, I left him alone.
I would never forgive myself for that.
"Alright, now get out." I pulled out of the hug and reached up to pat his cheeks. "If you have a nightmare tonight, I'll know and I'll punch you."
"Ok. I promise to have good dreams." He gave me that big, ear-to-ear grin I'd been missing and then hopped out.
Three times. He turned around three times before he made it inside the house. And I wondered if life was always going to be this way. Was I always going to be the guilty letdown?
For the first time, I could tell myself no. Sometimes, I could help someone. Sometimes, it could be fireflies and Edward's laughter.
When I got back to the house, Alice and Jasper were conversing in the living room about coordinating outfits for a party. I couldn't hear anyone else speaking, but I could hear Rosalie and Emmett cuddling up in their room. Esme was doing something on one of the computers in the office under the stairs, humming a song under her breath. Carlisle was reading a book in his office, the sound of the page-turning clueing me in.
I used to think cold ones sat around like statues, like how they had back on the day we fought the newborn army. The Cullens were fairly active people, as it turned out. I found it ironic that dead people had a more lively social life than me.
Before I went upstairs, I grabbed a glass of water and ate a sandwich Esme had made for Seth. Alice stroked my hair, sitting with me on the couch as I ate, still talking to Jasper. I tuned them out, watching TV and appreciating how easy it was to eat Esme's cooking.
In the beginning, eating their cooking was almost painful, but I'd gotten so used to it by now. I could even taste things past their scent. It was about as ideal as it could get, for me.
So, when I finally made it up to Edward's room and found him relaxed on his sofa with his eyes closed, I said, "I can sleep in any room now. I don't have to camp out in yours."
He made no sign he'd heard me, staying stationary as I went over to his bed, leaning against a post. After a minute, he stood up and placed a CD in his sound system. It was Claudio Arrau playing Liszt, my new infatuation.
"It's fine, for now. You may continue to sleep in here."
"Wait, really? You don't want me outta here and back to where I came from?"
He smiled. "You can sleep here tonight, Leah. There's a bed coming for you tomorrow afternoon." There we go. That made more sense. "This isn't permanent."
"Of course, not. It's temporary and I'm happy with whatever you're happy with." At least, I thought I was. The new rules of our bond hadn't made themselves clear yet.
He seated himself, graceful even in that tiny task. "It's only for tonight, so this is well within my limit."
"Ok, then. Good."
"Good."
A/N: This took forever and a day. And so begins a beautiful, budding, provisional friendship! Everything. Has. Changed. But is it really only temporary or is this the beginning of a long chapter in both Leah and Edward's lives? Wait and see!
I can't begin to express my thankfulness for the reviews and the follows and, of course, the favorites! I feel like I don't deserve the kind words you amazing people say about my story. I'm so touched by any of you making an effort to say something, even if it's just one word. I also wanna say sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch! Please, keep reading anyway!
