Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I am only putting my spin on Stephenie Meyer's already created world of the supernatural.
Warnings: Violence/Gore, mentions/attempt of suicide and character deaths
"Stop staring," I barked at Collin.
He had insisted on coming over to Emily's when he'd heard me and Edward arrive. He hadn't stopped staring since he barged in, uninvited. My loss of the race was the hellish gift that kept on giving.
"Seriously, I'll hit you so hard you won't be able to see."
"Ok," Collin whispered like he was in a daze.
Edward thought it was all just hilarious. The gratified little smile on his face said everything for him as he spoke to Sam about our connection.
The other times I'd brought Edward to the reserve, he couldn't force himself to smile too often due to the smell. Now, he couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. What did he have to say for himself?
"It's a good day is all," Edward defended himself. His beautiful, irritating as hell smile only widened at my skeptic thoughts.
"Sam, you almost done?" I asked, pushing off of the wall I'd been leaning on. Collin had been leaning on that same wall, an inch or two away from me.
Sam didn't even give me the respect to look up from the folder he was examining as he answered. "We would be if you didn't keep distracting Edward."
What a lie. I'd been leaning quietly against a wall for an hour. "I'm not distracting anyone, Sam. You just have a thick skull."
"I have a thick skull? I have a—where's the precuneus, Leah?" He held up a scan of a brain. I wasn't even sure which machine had made the scan I was looking at. "Where are the meninges? Name all the lobes of the brain."
"You suck, Sam."
Edward held up a fist to his mouth, laughing into it at my expense. And even though I was super annoyed, I couldn't help but smile at the wonderful sound. It was so musical, so lovely that it was almost confusing when I saw no one was swooning over it like I was.
I strolled over to Edward and placed a hand on his shoulder that he reached up to hold. "I'll shut up," I decided. It was a decision, not a surrender.
"Edward, you're saying shapeshifters have more in common with vampires than humans. Is that the same for vampires?" Sam asked as he pored over the papers, a crease between his eyebrows.
"It is. We've yet to figure out the causation of the resemblance," Edward answered, right on time. I guessed I had been distracting him, after all.
Edward glanced up at me at my thought and shot me a bright smile before paying his attention back to Sam.
His finger nestled between mine as Sam replied, "It's magic. Magic is what binds us all. It's also what our honorable spirit warrior ancestors subsisted on. Some of them didn't even eat, using magic for strength instead. Taha Aki was the most proficient spirit warrior to date."
"Interesting." From Edward's tone alone, I knew he was hearing something he liked from Sam's thoughts. "Do many of you believe in magic?"
"The older generations and the shapeshifters." Sam threw me a glance as he said, "Leah had a hard time coming around on it. I have a good story about that actually that."
"I would love to hear it." Edward looked up at me again and I stifled a laugh. "What?" He asked, his smile almost as big as mine.
"Nothing," I answered, feeling how my smile grew when he gave me a crooked grin.
Sam was quick to call sternly, "Leah."
"I know, I know. I'm distracting." I pulled my hand out of Edward's after giving it a light squeeze. "Find me when you're done, fangs."
"I'll see you soon." Not soon enough. "Very soon, I promise."
I made a soft grunt before I charged out of Emily's, Collin running after me. If Emily had been around, I would've hung out with her there until Edward and Sam finished up, but she was at work. It was easy to forget the simple, monotonous things about life. Things like jobs, mortgages, and student loans faded away when you existed in two worlds. All the little things slipped through the cracks of my brittle bridge bearing the weight of two whole worlds of issues.
"Your mom's been hangin' around Charlie," Collin mentioned, keeping pace with me. He was my spy, the net under the brittle, gapped bridge I'd built. Anything I didn't know, he'd usually tell me.
"That's nice."
A light, freezing drizzle softened the soil and my stilettos sank deep into the ground with my every step. I could hear different pack members at home or out spending time with each other. They seemed quieter than usual—
"Wait, what? My mom's what?"
"I knew it'd get through eventually. Yeah, she's been hangin' round ol' Charlie." With his chin tilted up, he seemed so proud that he had something so big to drop on my head.
"What do you mean she's been 'hanging around Charlie'? She has no time outside of her job." Before I left, I'd carry my mom to her room a lot because she'd fall asleep in the car parked in the driveway.
"She's been taking time off. She waits for you a lot and sometimes I'll keep her company." Collin smiled when I threw a suspicious glance his way. "What? I like your mom, I think she's cool. She also created the most beautiful woman on earth."
I still couldn't get past the Charlie part. "Why Charlie, though? Of all the people in the world, Charlie Swan? The chief of police?"
"I don't think there's any need to be worried. Sam and Billy talked about it and decided to stay out of it. Charlie's, like, the least inquisitive police officer ever."
"Chief of police," I grumbled my correction.
Chief was very different from a normal officer. An officer had a lot less influence. If Charlie ever found about us, it would cause a lot of trouble.
And my mom knew that, so why in the hell was she hanging out with him? I understood it when it was right after the funeral and they were both grieving over their best friend. Now, though? It didn't help that I was also the reason Charlie had lost his best friend and now his daughter. I hoped to God I could genuinely avoid ever seeing him again.
"Hey, Mrs. Clearwater!" Collin yelled, startling me out of my train of thought.
I'd autopiloted all the way through the reserve and past the long path that led to the more secluded homes. We were on the long trail that led to the land my ancestors had owned for generations. Only one house remained on the plot now, so it gave us a lot of space and tended to be the go-to for games of football or soccer.
My mom was on the porch of our small house, stood close to the patio furniture and the table with an open book. "Come inside, you two! I've been cooking all day—Emily lent me some recipes!"
"We can hear you even if you don't yell, Mom!" I called back and she waved me off, heading back inside.
I stopped walking and Collin was quick to stop with me. He looked up with his light brown eyes and asked, "What is it? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine and about to be way better." He frowned like he knew what was coming. He probably did after how many times we'd done this song and dance. "Time to go away. You're not welcome into my home."
"Well, actually, you live with the Cullens now, so it's your mom's house, not yours. And your mom told me I'm always welcome—so did Seth."
It hadn't hit me before, but Collin was right. I had a room at my mom's, but the house wasn't my home anymore. The Cullen house wasn't my home, either, to be honest. It only felt like home because Edward was there. So, when Bella came back, I could add homeless to the list of things I would be.
"I'll let you come inside if you stop making declarations of your undying love to me for five seconds."
"Eight years from now, you'll change your mind. Mark my words, Leah Clearwater, I'll make you fall in love with me."
I wanted to pull my hair out. "You can't make someone fall in love with you."
"But I can love you and wait until that wins you over. I know I'm thirteen—"
"And that should be the end of that thought," I cracked dryly.
"But if you love someone hard enough for long enough—"
"Collin, it's never gonna happen!"
Then, he amazed me by asking, "But why?"
"Why? Because it's not just your age, it's everything." He opened his mouth, but no sound escaped it when I shot him a sharp look. "Consider my history with imprinting. Why in the hell would I ever get involved with another shapeshifter?"
"Wait, that's it? That bloodsucker doesn't have anything to do with it?" He asked with a wrinkled nose like he caught a phantom scent of Edward.
He should be so lucky.
"Edward's not a 'bloodsucker' or a 'leech' or a 'cold one'," I said, using generous air quotes. "But, no. It has nothing to do with him. So, just forget it, ok?"
And with the most earnest expression I'd ever seen, he told me, "I'll never forget it, Leah. I'm in love with you."
"It'll pass." I walked past him, groaning when he continued to follow after me.
"But if it doesn't, Seth and I could be brothers someday." I wasn't sure what face I was making when I looked back at him, but it made him quick to change subjects. "Speaking of Seth, that girl at his program is still all over him. He's still saying no."
I crossed my arms, overstepping a pothole. "That's because he's smart, unlike you or Jake. He's waiting for the right one and not stealing someone else's right one out from under their noses."
"You didn't hear from Jake recently, did you?" I shook my head, frowning when he looked disappointed. "He hasn't reached out to anyone in the pack. Sam's worried now."
"He told me about it. How's Billy doing?"
Collin's frown deepened. "Not too good. He's lonely and he misses you because he misses Harry." He sighed, stepping up onto my mom's porch with me. "It's Embry in there."
I pushed the door open and was a little impressed to see Collin was right. Embry was sitting on the couch, a half-finished hefty scoop of casserole on his paper plate. Paper plates and plastic silverware was key when the pack ate at someone's house. Emily still complained about the mountain of dishes we used to leave behind after she fed us.
"Hey, Embry," Collin greeted him, strolling right into the house. "'Sup?"
Embry ignored his existence, dark eyes boring into mine. "Leah," he said in a formal tone, bowing his head in a nod before he put his plate down on the coffee table.
I'd never seen him so solemn before. He usually smiled, even if it was a faint and disingenuous one after a fight with his mom. I couldn't imagine what had gotten him down if those arguments with his mom hadn't. He also looked different because of the patchy peach fuzz he was sporting on his cheeks.
I would've had to have stifled a laugh when I first saw him in any other situation.
"Hey, Embry," I murmured back, taking a wary step inside.
He held eye contact with me for a few more seconds before heading out of the glass, sliding doors, into the backyard. It was clear he wanted to talk—about what, I couldn't say. He wasn't the type to seek out revenge against people and that was all I could think of.
But, whatever came, I definitely deserved it. And then some.
"Collin, stay," I muttered as I followed Embry and his solemn expression out of the house.
I trailed him a good ways past the tree line that acted as a barrier for the backyard before he turned around to face me. The rain, still a pitiful drizzle, left his dark spots on his grey t-shirt and put a shine on his cheeks. His eyes seemed to shine, too. I hoped it was allergies getting to him.
He spoke first. "Nice dress," he said, making a limp gesture to my outfit.
"Thanks." My fingers itched to scrub off the mascara that made my eyes feel sticky and slow. I crossed my arms, tucking my hands away to resist the urge. "So, what's this all about?"
He cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his jean shorts' pockets. "I decided it's time we…cleared the air, so to speak. Uh, like you did with Paul."
When I raised an eyebrow, the tips of his ears reddened and he held up his hands in the universal sign of surrender. "Misspoke a little there, didn't you?"
"A little," he admitted with a coy smile. It was a relief to see. "I just mean I wanna talk. Pack member to pack member."
I shrugged, trying to play off my curiosity as I said, "Sure."
He gave a soft nod and toed the soil with his clunky rain-boot. "Cool."
"Before we talk," I started, pausing to swallow my pride. "I wanna kinda get this out of the way and say sorry. Sorry for pretty much everything from these last couple of months."
"It's fine, I forgive you." He brushed aside what I thought would be a heavy talk with an impatient expression. "Now, we can talk about stuff. I also have sensitive info I don't want your cold one to know," he said and then pressed his lips into a taut line.
That definitely didn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Esme was wrong about forgiveness. "Edward can read minds from a great distance."
"I know, but we're out of his range. Sam told me how far to go after he agreed I should talk to you."
It was an unspoken rule of the pack not to bother Sam unless we had a problem we couldn't fix without him. It was unprecedented that Embry would approach Sam about talking to me. Me, of all people.
"I've been worried these days and Sam encouraged me to speak to you when I brought it up. He thought you were the best person to talk to about this since he's really busy right now. You have seniority and all that—in age, at least."
"Why's that relative?" He looked like he was going to be sick. I found myself walking toward him with a careful hand outstretched. "Embry? Are you—?"
"The pack's breaking apart, Leah." He clenched his jaw, the soft dimple in his chin becoming pronounced. "I don't want it to be true, but it is."
I'd wished for the pack to break up so many times in the past. It gave me no satisfaction now. "It's going through a rough patch, that's for sure."
"Rough?" He turned incredulous then, his hands balling into fists in his pockets. "Jake abandoned us for Bella, who's not even his imprint and shouldn't come above the pack. You're living with the Cullens, who are bound to move when people start mentioning how they don't seem to age. Brady's thinking of walking and stopping phasing altogether after experiencing you dying."
I walked over to a fallen tree, hopping up to seat myself on top of it. This wouldn't be a short talk. "It might be better for everyone to let the pack dissolve."
"Are you kidding?" His eyes lit up with anger like I'd never seen in him before. "An army of vampires almost ruined Forks and our land, Leah! They would've razed this place, just like they were doing in Seattle!"
I pursed my lips, squinting to spot a buck miles away and grazing. "Fair point." More like an unfair point.
It was so unfair that all this responsibility fell on us and only ever us. Us, who didn't get to choose. Us, who didn't get to live even half of their lives before giving it all up. And for what? For this? Not worth it.
"If we hadn't been there to clean up the vampires' mess, I don't know what would've happened." He gritted his teeth and then he shook his head, like he was trying to shake it out of his brain. "I know you're scared after dying at the battle—"
"I am not scared."
"Well, everyone else is!" Embry yelled and the tremor that ran through him almost shook his shoulders out of socket.
I straightened up on the tree, staring him down. "Cool it or I'll put you down."
He yanked his hands out of his pockets and flexed his fingers down by his sides. He puffed a breath through his teeth, shaking as steam rose off of his shoulders. "Collin's thirteen and Brady's almost thirteen. Do you know what it's been like for them?"
That awful, scratchy, heavy feeling grew in the pit of my stomach, the one that accompanied so many of my memories. "Enlighten me."
"When Seth phased and shared his nightmares with the pack, all hell broke loose. The string that had been holding us together snapped like it was nothing—even Sam struggles. He had no choice but to keep it together, though. He's pretty much adopted Brady to help him out. Collin's way worse off. His grades have dropped and he doesn't even draw anymore."
Collin had always been a terrible artist, but it never stopped him. He'd claimed all artists are horrible in the beginning. His tenacity was something to behold, it was actually my favorite thing about him. Of course, I'd be the one to destroy it.
What couldn't I destroy by glancing in its general direction? "I'm sorry, Embry. I can't fix it, but I—"
"You actually can. There's a way for you to fix everything and completely redeem yourself in the pack." He said everything I wanted to hear. Before I could question it, he said, "Jake's supposed to be the one in charge of helping the new recruits. As second, that was his job. But he's not here."
I didn't respond. I closed my eyes and let guilt ride through me. It seemed like it should've been impossible that so much was my fault. Indirectly or directly, it all tied back to my stupid mistakes.
"Everything's all screwed up in the pack now because the chain of command got screwed up. Jake's gone, Jared's not a good leader, and Sam's crazy busy trying to get married. Even when he tries to help, though, everyone pretends to be ok around him. They're afraid of disappointing him."
I snorted. "Yeah, no one would be scared of disappointing me."
"That's kinda why I'm hoping you'll say yes to this." He was tense again with the aura of a bowstring on the verge of snapping. "I can't stand it anymore. This pain, this suffering needs to end. The pack needs to be led out of this, it needs you to lead us."
"Needs me to do what?" He gave an annoyed look instead of answering me. "No. No way I get to be second after everything, after all my extremely public horrible decisions. What do Billy and Old Quil have to say about it? I know Sam had to ask for their advice."
Embry folded his arms across his chest. "I guess imprinting on a cold one is still more favorable than the sin of being born." He was trying to stonewall me, but I could see the pain in his eyes.
"Old Quil said that, didn't he?" Embry opened his mouth to respond, but I wasn't done. "Screw the ancestral bloodlines! I'm so sick of everyone taking them so seriously. The bloodlines mean squat!"
He blinked, shocked by my outburst. "Old Quil would have a heart attack if he heard you say that."
"Screw Old Quil!" He smiled at that, the doom and gloom shifting into a lighter mood between the two of us.
I guessed that was how I could help. As second, I wouldn't be this respectable, honorable figure that the pack would fear. I would be approachable because of all my flaws, because of all my screwups. Maybe that was what they needed, someone who could empathize. I could follow my dad's example of kindness.
But would I ever just be kind? Or would I always have to emulate all the better and more suitable leaders in my life? I could fake it 'til I made it, but underneath all the attempts to measure up to my dad would still be me. Leah, the destroyer. Leah, the unwanted. Even now, I wasn't actually wanted as the second, I was just the best out of a bunch of sucky options.
I wasn't the right choice. I couldn't do it, I couldn't step up. "Embry—"
"Y'know, I was kinda worried you were still the way you used to be. That you'd say no and chew me out for even asking you to help. But I can see the real Leah's finally come back." He was smiling, eyes full of hope, tired as they were.
And how could I say no? Doomed as I was to fail at being second, to fail at being better, I still wanted to try. Plus, Edward would be really proud of me for doing it.
"It's one hell of a return to come back to the pack as second." Embry gave a breathy laugh, nodding as he walked over to me. "Hey, let's see if we can make people's brains pop by bringing Edward to a council meeting."
He sat down on the tree beside me, his feet touching the ground, unlike mine which swung idly. "I'd pay to see the look on Billy's face."
"I'll take pictures." We fell into a round of snickers at the thought, the rain picking up toward the end of our laughter.
I was about to say we should head back inside when he said, "The sensitive info I wanted to talk about has to do with Jake. Since he's with Bella, I thought about Edward…" he trailed off, the meaning not lost.
"You were being thoughtful of Edward's feelings." I bit the inside of my cheek, a huge wave of gratefulness washing over me. Once it settled down, I gave a simple, "Thanks."
As if he could tell I'd undersold it, he smiled and nudged my arm with his elbow. "No problem, second. Anyway, Jake's been emailing me."
The light mood rolled off and away with the lighter storm clouds. It began pouring like the sky had a personal vendetta against the world. "What do you mean he's been emailing you?" What had he said?
Was Bella coming back early?
"He's been emailing me since about a week ago. I only told Sam about this, but I figure you should know before the others figure out at the meeting tomorrow."
"What's he been saying?" I didn't want to know. I wanted to go find Edward, pick him up and run as far and fast as I could.
But, God, I couldn't do it to him. I had to hear about Bella and make sure she was ok.
"He says he's in northern Europe and that Bella's super distant. Says she's different from the last time she and Edward separated."
And now there was something wrong with her? "Is she alright?"
"I mean, she's fine. Healthy and eating well, according to Jake. It's just that, sometimes, she disappears off without him and doesn't explain where she's been. She says someone's name in her sleep he doesn't recognize. He's more miserable than ever now and I'm so worried about him. I don't know if he's gonna be alright when Bella rejects him again." He looked at me with genuine concern and I was sure I looked concerned, too. Just not for the same reasons.
"I would go, but I became second a couple minutes ago. And since I have no idea where they are, I'd have to look and that'd take time—time I don't have right now."
His shoulders drooped, but he nodded his understanding. "I get it. Sam answered pretty much the same way."
I raked my fingers through my hair, strands sticking to my wet skin. "I'll do what I can." I tugged on my hair hard, threatening to tear it all out before I let go. "I'll try and bring 'em home." And that was that. I could consider Edward already gone.
"Thank you," he whispered, placing a hand on my back. "I knew you'd do the right thing."
Edward couldn't know any of this yet. I knew him well enough by now to predict his reaction. He'd panic and go looking and if he found something he wasn't prepared for, he'd crumble. And all that would be left of my Cullen is ash.
My heart twisted in my chest every time I imagined him with the Volturi, red eyes the last thing he ever sees. I had to protect him from himself—I'd deal with it, I'd carry it for him. And until I had good news to bring back to him, I couldn't bring any at all.
"Repressing it all?" Embry guessed. I nodded and heard him give a sigh. "It must suck having him able to read your mind. Does he know then?"
"Know what?"
"That you love him." I nodded. "I mean, that you're in love with him."
I almost snapped my own neck with how fast I looked over at him. "I'm not. Who the hell gave you that idea?"
He looked scared as he replied, "Sorry. It's just that Sam said—"
"Sam was wrong, ok? I'm not in love with Edward. You can't even fall in love with someone in such a short amount of time. For God's sake, we haven't even spent that much time together!" I forced a laugh through my throat, managing a shaky, breathy noise. "It's not like that."
"Right. Not yet, anyway."
"Not ever."
Embry stared at me for a second before he started slowly nodding. "You're right. Not ever. You can control it." I nodded with him, satisfied with his answer. "And if you can't, you'll push him away before you'd let yourself fall. After everything with you and Sam? I can't see you doing that to a girl who's even younger than you."
I couldn't say anything to that. We ended up sitting in silence together and I watched the sun as it slowly dipped below the horizon. I spent the majority of the time trying to picture myself as a better person without Edward.
When I couldn't, I decided I was done thinking about it all. "Let's head back." I hopped off the tree, fixing the skirt of my dress.
"Yeah, wouldn't want your hair to get any worse than it already is. It looked like you'd worked hard on it."
I snorted. "Someone did, anyway."
"Figured it wasn't you," he teased, smiling when I narrowed my eyes at him.
As we started walking back, I remember my mom. "Crap, The food's cold by now, so my mom's definitely pissed. As second, I order you to take the full brunt of her wrath. If you don't, you're out of the pack."
"Very funny."
"It's not convincing if you don't laugh," I retorted, getting another smile out of him.
"It smells good, at least," he commented, causing me to take a sniff.
I caught a whiff of the casserole and my stomach growled. "Collin said she's been cooking a lot these days. That true?"
"He told you about Charlie, huh?" Embry was a lot sharper than I thought he was. "With all the time she's taking off work to wait for you and Seth, she can get around to other things. I wouldn't worry about it. Charlie would starve if someone didn't feed him and your mom just misses taking care of people."
"Yeah, you're probably right."
"Hey, if you ever wanna hang out, drama-free, you can call me. Like, if you ever need to get away from the cold ones, but don't really wanna hang out at the reserve." He grabbed my hand, helping me in stepping over a huge tree root.
"A bit random, but sure. We can hang out." As second, I needed to get to know my pack better anyway.
"Really?" I glanced at him when his voice sounded off. Was it that shocking that I'd hang out with him? I was even meaner than I'd given myself credit for. "I mean, cool."
"I can drop by your house tomorrow if you want. We can talk more about pack stuff or whatever." His face broke out into an excited grin that he kept up the whole way back to my mom's
We walked in to see Seth eating casserole on the couch. His cheeks were full like a chipmunk's when he smiled at the sight of us. "Mmm!" He jumped up and scooped me into a bear hug. I hadn't been able to catch him this past week.
"You're gonna kill me," I choked out as Seth squished me in a bear hug.
He put me down and swallowed the last of his huge bite. "Leah! I missed you!"
"Missed you, too," I grumbled, wincing at the dull ache when I breathed. "Where's Mom?"
"Here," she said from the kitchen entrance. I glanced over and in her eyes saw the depth of hell. "Nice of you to grace us with an appearance. Nice haircut, too."
Torn between groveling and begging for my life, I bought myself time by saying, "The haircut is a new thing. Like, it happened just a few hours ago type new. And I was only out for an hour."
"Try three."
"I'm sorry, but I promise I had a good reason." She raised an eyebrow at me, a sign that I was going to die if I didn't nail my excuse. "I got offered the position of second."
A slow smile softened her face and for a moment, she looked as happy as she used to be all the time. "That's my girl." She nodded her head back toward the kitchen. "I baked a cake today, now we have the perfect reason to eat it. Go get changed."
"Yes, ma'am."
Seth gave me a thumbs-up as I passed him and Embry punched his arm, starting an impromptu sparring match. As I headed upstairs, I heard Seth shout, "No fair! That's your dominant hand!"
I was looking forward to changing out of my soaked dress until I reached the top of the stairs. A faint scent stole my focus, one that led me straight into my room from the hallway. It was...warm. Metallic, almost. My stomach dropped as I chased it to my window, but the trail went cold there.
Something had been in my room. Something...strange.
I got down onto the floor on my hands and knees, spying something in the beige carpet. It was a dark, earthy red. Too acidic to be anything I'd tracked in and tinged with that metallic smell.
"Hello," I whispered as I picked up the foreign pebble.
People got all types of things in their shoes that they left behind without even realizing it. I was already considering it was a person who'd invaded my private space, but this made it clear. And one whiff from the pebble told me it wasn't native to Forks. It couldn't be from this region, I'd never smelled anything like it.
So, not something. Someone.
I'd mention it to Sam later, but I put the pebble in my empty jewelry box until I could. The paranoid side of me also forced me to pull my blinds closed before I changed.
"Why do you keep laughing?" Embry asked Seth as I tuned into their conversation.
"Because of your weird, patchy facial hair." I listened to Seth bolt and Embry murmured to be excused before going after him.
I called, "I can't save you! I'm second now so I can't show favoritism!" Seth gave out a tiny whimper. I listened long enough to hear Collin run out o this house to help.
I ended up changing into a baggy sweatshirt and flannel pajama pants I'd had since high school. Smelling like home again was a relief and I put on some of my perfume to help the stench of cold ones. Embry had wrinkled his nose on the way back to the house when he thought I wasn't looking. I added an extra spurt of perfume at the memory.
When I jogged back down the stairs, my mom was sitting in one of the two chairs by the fireplace. She'd made me a plate of chocolate cake with a scoop of ice cream on top and was eating hers as she stared into the fire. I made sure to make noise as I approached my chair so I didn't scare her.
"No dinner?" I asked her as I sat down, draping a fluffy blanket over myself.
"You get to skip to dessert tonight," she replied before eating another scoop of cake.
After we'd both eaten and drank our small glasses of milk, we moved on to hot chocolate. She'd always had a huge sweet tooth, one that Seth had inherited. The glaze she made for sale was even a bit sweet. I just liked food in general, so it didn't matter to me. Dad had been the picky eater.
"Did Edward drop by in the three hours I was out there?"
"He came by a few minutes after you'd left and heard Embry speaking to you. He smiled at something and left you a message. Call him." She snuggled deeper into the old, ratty blanket she'd had since she married Dad. "He said to use the lab number."
I got up after a little longer and used the kitchen's landline to call Sam. I could hear Emily giggling in the background when he picked up and said, "Hey."
"Hey, Sam. I accepted the position."
"I knew you would." Emily started laughing louder at something and he chuckled into the speaker. "Anything else or can I get back to what I was doing?"
"Bring Jared around later. He needs to familiarize himself with the weird scent in my room."
Emily's laughter died down and I heard the telltale sound of a door clicking shut. "A vampire? Jared's been smelling an unfamiliar one around the edges of the reserve."
"Has he? I'll ask Edward about it. But no, this isn't a vampire. Or a human. Or a shapeshifter." He was silent, considering my words. "It's not natural."
"Yeah, I got that." He let out a long sigh. For the first time, I felt bad for him and his role as alpha. It had to be hard, always having to fix everything. "We'll discuss it tomorrow, before the meeting where we announce Jared is stepping down."
I felt my eyebrows inch up on my face. "Oh, so he knows?"
"He's about to. I'm calling him after we hang up. He's my best friend, but...it's bad, Leah. Any second is preferable, not to say you aren't a good choice."
"I know no one thinks so right now, but I'll prove I'm the best choice." I had to. Even if I screwed it all up in the end, I wanted them to believe in me until then. "Will Emily be ok with you spending more time away from her?"
He chuckled the sound warm and full of love. My heart twinged with jealousy, not for him, but for his luck. He was in a perfect position with his imprint. "She takes interruptions better now because she has the honeymoon to look forward to."
"Paige and I have the bachelorette party planned already. She should be psyched about that, too."
"She's more psyched that you'll be there, honestly. She's been glowing since you two started talking again." I smiled, twiddling with the phone's cord. "Alright, I'll let you go so I can take care of things. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."
"Yep. Tomorrow." I hung up then and dialed the mountain lab number.
I expected Carlisle's voice, but Edward picked up instead. "Hello, Leah," he greeted me warmly. I tried and failed to suppress a grin. "Are you ready to come back?"
"Ah, about that," I mumbled, a nervous hand lurching up to awkwardly gesticulate. "I have some good news for you."
"Is that so?" He'd probably heard Embry's plans to ask me to become second. Thank God he didn't hear what he knew about Bella. "I'll be there shortly."
"Not driving, then?"
I heard Carlisle murmur something unintelligible and Edward hummed an acknowledgement. "No. If it's good news, I imagine I won't be staying very long. I'll simply run."
"Ok. Come straight to my mom's. Let yourself in."
"I will. See you soon."
"Mhm."
I hung up and went back to the loveseat to chat with my mom. She had a lot to say about how I should run the pack and bring order to it. She said that as the only woman, I had to be a second that outshined even the alpha in my tact, loyalty, and leadership. But I could see she was happy for me, happy that I finally won one.
Edward came in a few minutes later and I flipped up a side of the blanket so he could sit next to me. After he settled in, I covered his legs with the blanket and took his hand in mine. He didn't say a word and my mom and I just carried on talking as he watched us.
"Tell me you didn't buy the miracle dicer," I said when she kept going on and on about the ad on TV. "Tell me you didn't pay fifty bucks just to julienne some carrots, Mom!"
"It was a very persuasive commercial. And for the fifty bucks, I also got a tiny steamer and another miracle dicer thrown in for free." That was the one thing she was bad at. Buying "as seen on TV" garbage that she was never going to use. "Don't judge me."
"It's already done." She laughed and Edward joined in. "Does it work?"
She scoffed. "Why do you think I've been cooking so much?" That was when I had to laugh, too.
It was a bit before Edward started speaking up and joining in on our conversation. Seth came back in the middle of us telling Edward the story of our people's spirit wards and hogged it. To be fair, he knew the most details about it all. He'd always been a history buff. He sat on the arm of Mom's recliner and spared no detail.
Edward's arm curled around my shoulders and I leaned into him, the act natural as I argued with Seth. "There were no dragons in the spirit wars. Period."
"Were too!"
"Were not! Dragons don't exist!"
He sniffed, putting on a pouty face. "Well, technically yeah. They're extinct now."
"You're such a child," I accused, rolling my eyes. "Only children believe in dragons."
"That's not true!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Ok," Mom said, interrupting the spat. "Enough of that."
I dropped it. Because I was right.
Edward chuckled. "If only I'd been alive at that time. I could end the argument here and now."
"I'm sure you have lots of great stories," Seth said, eyes getting all big with childlike wonder. "Could you please share one?"
"What would you like to know about the twentieth century?"
Seth's jaw dropped and I whispered, "Good luck."
The sheer amount of questions Seth had for Edward made my head hurt. The insane thing was that Edward had an answer for his every question. He even seemed to enjoy the machine gun of inquiries that was my little brother. I didn't understand half of it, so I focused on snacking and having sideline conversations with my mom.
Mom lost all interest with me when Edward started to tell a story featuring a foreign diplomat, a pumpkin, and a dog. I couldn't blame her for being sucked in by his storytelling. He had such an amazing way of saying things. Edward could've made a retelling of stepping on ant interesting. He had my mom dying laughing a few times while I would watch with a smile that hurt my cheeks. She hadn't laughed so hard since—…just a while.
"I'm stealing the story. I'll say it happened at some costume party," Mom said before getting up and stretching out her arms. She was still smiling as she said, "I have to get to bed. I have work tomorrow and I have to cook Charlie breakfast before that."
"Yeah, and I have to study," Seth said, getting up, too. He came over to give me a hug.
"How is Charlie?" Edward asked as I was squeezed, a note of concern in his voice.
Mom thought on it for a second before she said, "Terribly, terribly depressed. No point in lying, right?"
"Right," Edward whispered back. Seth pulled out of the hug and gave Edward a reassuring smile before going up to his room.
I rested my hand on Edward's shoulder. "Charlie'll bounce back quick, though. Isn't that right, Mom?"
"I suspect he'll internalize it soon, yes." I heard Seth turn on his game system and in the same second, Mom yelled, "Study and then get to bed, young man!"
I listened to him sigh and turn off his game before he opened up his backpack and take out his homework. "Did you hear it?" I asked her as Seth flopped down in his chair at his desk.
"Didn't have to. It's a sixth sense you get when you become a mother." Without meaning to, she pricked me with a spot of pain. I kept it off my face, but Edward tensed beside me.
"Yeah, I bet."
Mom lingered instead of heading up, an indecisive look on her face. She probably wanted to stay a bit longer to talk. "Edward, I have some blood for you. Emily's father slaughtered a buck in my garage since Emily wouldn't allow him to in her's and he left all this blood behind." Well, I was dead wrong.
But that reminded me, every time Emily invited her dad onto the reserve, he'd hunt for days. He was an avid hunter who insisted on wearing his camouflage tuxedo to every formal event. I wouldn't have been surprised if he wore it to the wedding. If he didn't, I was out twenty bucks, courtesy of the pack's betting pool.
As for the blood, there was no way I was letting Edward drink it. It was stale, or something. "He's not drinking that. It's gross, Mom."
But Edward, being too kind for his own good, said, "I would actually love to take it home to my family. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Mrs. Clearwater."
"See, Leah? It's a good thing I held onto it for him." She looked proud of herself. Oddly, I was kinda proud, too. She'd thought of my imprint and actually cared. "It's in the fridge. I'm going to bed now."
"Goodnight," he said with a dazzling smile.
Her cheeks gained a pink tint before she turned around and went for the stairs. When she was in her bathroom, washing her face, I turned to Edward. He was still smiling, obviously pleased with the headway he was already making with my mom.
"I think that's the first time you hung out with me and my family."
"It is," he confirmed. "I enjoyed every second of it. You're all so close."
I sucked my teeth, squinting at the fire. "Clearwaters stick together. Go get your blood, I have to use the bathroom."
He nodded and I got up, heading upstairs to take care of business. While I was washing my hands, I checked my reflection. The bangs made me look more mature. I looked in the mirror and saw a woman in my clothes, a faded red still coating her lips. She looked alive, happy. That's how I knew she couldn't be me.
I would never be allowed to be happy.
When I jogged back downstairs, Edward was waiting by the front door with his bucket in hand. I gave a mocking smile as I said, "Always good to have a snack for the road."
He was grinning as he asked, "Did you ever expect your mother to give me this?"
"No." I walked past him, grabbing his free hand to tug him outside, onto the porch. "Not without cooking it into something, at least."
He replied instantly, "Perhaps next time she'll make it into gelatin for me. She can use her miracle dicer to slice it into neat cubes."
I laughed, holding a hand to my chest as I shook my head. My mom was so prudent about everything else, so pragmatic. And it was always something about cooking that got her to dial the number. I would never understand.
Edward's eyes were twinkling when he said, "Everyone has a method of making themselves feel better."
"What's mine?"
"Seeing me."
"And yours?"
He opened his mouth, only to close it again with a confused expression. Eventually, he said, "Seeing you, I suppose." I was so pleased I felt like I was going to burst. His eyes glittered at me, but he turned his face away. "Let's talk about something else."
"Sure. I made second."
"No way," he whispered, looking back into my eyes with impatience scrawled all over his face. I remembered Embry offering me the position and Sam's words on our call. "Leah, you don't owe it to anyone to lead. What you want for yourself couldn't be farther from what they're asking of you."
He was right. I didn't want to phase and I didn't want to lead. But I hadn't particularly wanted to imprint on a cold one, either. Now, I couldn't imagine where I'd be without him. Some of the best things in my life were things I never thought I'd want.
"But I wanna help. I do. This is something I want, even if it scares me and even if it puts off stopping phasing for good. It's not like I can manage to do that right now anyway. So, shouldn't I at least try and help?"
His face broke out into a beautiful crooked grin. "Congratulations, second." I grinned back at him for less than a second before he wrapped me up in a hug.
I laughed and looped an arm over his shoulder, winding the other over the side of his left arm so I could lock my hands around his back. The scent of him covered me again, but I didn't care. I didn't care if Embry scrunched his nose up or Collin got all pissy because of it. I just wanted him to hold me closer. It shocked me when he actually did, his grasp tightening on me until I was pressed snugly up against him.
If I said I melted into him, it would have been an understatement. My eyes closed by themselves, without any thought from me. My hands unlinked from each other so they could lay flat on the hard plane of his back. My body accepted his cold like it was mine to begin with and had been sorely missed.
The bond began taking over, but it felt different. It wasn't the usual force of nature I always had to abide by on some degree of my soul. This was a lovely swell of something in my chest that made tears gather in the corners of my closed eyes.
I let the swell grow and overcome me. It pushed down on my heart until it was almost crushed under the weight of it. My throat was so full from it that it was a wonder I could even continue breathing. But, somehow, I did.
I let out a shivering sigh while I was pulling away. He retreated at the same time as me and I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I was terrified of what I'd find on my most favorite face in the world.
"I should get going," he said, his voice sharper than a knife. It sliced easily through my chest.
"Yeah, I gotta get some sleep, too. I start bright and early tomorrow morning." He was gone, barely waiting for me to finish my sentence.
What the hell was that? What had just happened? What—
I needed to sit down. I planted myself in one of the patio chairs, the feeling like I was falling lingering despite it. My legs continued to shake. my stomach kept that sensation of dropping on a rollercoaster. He was gone but I could still feel him. I could still feel the ghost of his touch, the phantom of his chill. I caught myself wondering if I the feeling of me was burned into him, too.
"No," I said out loud.
No. I wouldn't be that person. I'd decided that the night I'd imprinted. I wouldn't be the shapeshifter that stole a young girl's love. I mean, God, if Sam had never phased, we would've gotten married.
But, to be honest, I like him better with Emily. Maybe that was because they'd always been meant for each other. Maybe Edward was meant for—
No, I couldn't even think it! I wouldn't, I refused to. I loved Edward, with all my soul, but I wouldn't let it mean anything other than that. I was his friend. Edward and I were friends, that's the way it was meant to be. That was why it felt so right for us to be around each other. We were supposed to be partners for life, just not romantic partners.
Platonic life partners. Until Bella came back. Not because we were doing anything wrong, but because Bella would get the wrong idea.
"Oh God," I groaned, hiding my face in my hands.
I didn't think it was actually that bad. In the grand scheme of things, what happened a few seconds ago was nothing. It was nothing but a bond-forced connection. I still wanted what I always had: Edward—his friendship. I wanted Edward's friendship and he wanted mine. And it didn't have to mean anything other than that.
It didn't mean anything other than that. We were just friends. I adored our friendship.
But, Edward—… Edward was bound to overthink this. "This" which was nothing.
Tomorrow, I'd get him to laugh it off, though. Because it was nothing—that was what I'd say to him. He'd smile after a beat and then agree with me. Then we'd go have lunch. We could go back to spending all the time we have left until Bella came back.
He would freak out a little, for a hot second, over nothing, and then we'd get over it. We were past letting silly things hurt our friendship. We'd make up tomorrow. It would be ok because we were in control.
The hug didn't even mean anything! It was longer than normal, sure. But really, nothing actually happened. Nothing real. And I didn't even think anything during it. Not really.
It would be fine tomorrow. We would confront this and resolve it. Period.
…God, I needed it to be fine.
A/N: I'm so sorry it took so long to get this up. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong with this chapter. I had to rewrite it twice! But I hope you enjoyed anyway. Leah made some very good changes in this chapter, let's hope they stick despite Edward drama!
Thank you so much for waiting. And also, thank you for getting me to over one hundred reviews! I mean, wow! I cried when I saw it. Please, continue to support me as I take you through this story and be forgiving of my mistakes! Shoutout to sentinel10 for being my one hundredth review!
