Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I am only putting my spin on Stephenie Meyer's already created world of the supernatural.

Warnings: Violence/Gore, mentions/attempt of suicide and character deaths


The sun had just risen when Jared came stalking into Emily's place, livid and late as hell. Everyone else had arrived with their eyes barely open and shuffled to an empty seat. Collin stood next to me, almost falling asleep on his feet for the sake of sticking close. I didn't bother scolding him for it, though.

I had bigger issues to take care of.

One of them was gritting his teeth in front of me. "This is shameful. To have the traitor as second above your more loyal pack members is unforgivable!"

"Leah's second?" Quil asked, sitting up on the couch. He'd been dozing off on the armrest until now. "That's great news!"

"No, it isn't," Jared snapped. "It's not great, it's not right, and it's not fair."

God, I was already getting sick of his bitching and whining.

"You know I didn't choose my imprint—no one does." It was stupid that I even had to say that.

"It's not about that. Don't you get it, Leah? It's," he paused, huffing out an angry breath, "I don't know. We're a family, we support each other in this pack."

I could do that. "And?"

"And you've never supported us! And then you abandoned us for a cold one. And now you think you can lead us? What gives you the right? At least I've been here! I was here while you abandoned us on top of everything else to go make eyes at a cold one!"

Sam stepped forward to say something, but I held up a hand. This was something I needed to address by myself. I'd done all the damage by myself and I'd do the fixing that way, too.

"I'm sorry for everything I did back then, but that's over. Do you really think Sam would let me be second if I was the same?"

"Yeah? And what happens when Edward leaves you? Still gonna be all for the pack then, Clearwater?"

"Hey," Sam called, intervening with a fierce glare on his face.

"No, it's ok. I'll answer." I pushed up from where I was resting my forearms on a clean countertop. "But, only if you go first, Jared."

"Don't be ridiculous." Jared looked around the room, waiting for someone to back him up.

Embry was happy to help. "It's only fair that you answer first." Unfortunately for Jared, he was happy to help me.

"So, tell us. How would you deal with Kim dumping you like trash? How would you live without ever seeing her again and continue to lead as second?"

Predictable as ever, Jared didn't even bother trying. "Whatever." He flopped down on the couch, pissed as possible.

"That's right. So, shut the hell up about that." Sam shot me a look and I quickly tacked on a, "Please."

Paul was next to speak with his eyes closed, dark circles underneath them. "If you start sucking again, we'll push you out of the pack. This is your last chance, Leah."

"Great, so I get two chances and Jake gets, what, six?" I could sense everyone getting tense, preparing for me to go off. "Here's the thing, I wanna stop counting chances. If we're family, we have to learn to get over things."

Sam decided it was time to swoop in and push the meeting along. "Leah's right. After the fight with the newborns, it should be clear that we're at our best when we trust and rely on each other. Now, more than ever, we need to pull together. We don't know what threat is lingering around the corner."

"Threat?" Embry questioned, his eyes switching to me. "What threat?"

"I wasn't mentioning a specific threat. But there is one," Sam announced, waking up the whole room. "There was an unknown scent in Leah's room."

Collin was the most concerned, of course. "Someone was in her room?"

"It was likely a someone, yes," Sam said with a bit of hesitation. He had doubts about my theory of the pebble.

But if it wasn't a shoe, what was the explanation? Some rock creature came into my room to leave behind a tiny bit of earth? Nothing else made sense. Someone had to have accidentally left it behind.

"Was it that vampire that's been skulking around the edges of the reserve?" Quil asked with a scowl. "That one stinks even worse than the Cullens."

Sam shook his head. "It wasn't a vampire. Leah says it's unidentifiable. This morning, I took a look at a red pebble that was left behind and it looks like it's gravel."

"Red gravel? I don't know any houses with red gravel," Embry said with a frown.

"That's 'cause no one on the reserve has or sells red gravel. I needed some for a volcano experiment and couldn't find any," Seth replied.

Brady, who'd been sitting in quiet dread, said, "It's gotta be an outsider. What was the scent like again, Leah?"

Before I could answer, Sam said, "Everyone will smell it once we've phased. We're beginning training again, we can't afford to get rusty because our enemies are always in pique shape."

"Yeah, drills will happen every week, this day, this time," I informed everyone. "We'll be testing you to see your first response to different scenarios on the battlefield. Then, we'll train them out of you. We'll train and train and train until when the next battle comes, we win with pure muscle memory."

Brady straightened in his seat at Emily's table, the dark clouds of his face clearing. "Is that possible?"

"It is. We won't stop until we're all as good as each other and Jacob becomes less of a necessity than an appreciated addition."

Seth raised his hand before asking with an eager smile, "When do we start?"

"Now. I'll be running the first half of drills while Leah goes to continue further research on how to break her bond. She'll be back at nightfall for the second half of drills." At Sam's words, I made my way for the door.

"Your shiny new second's too busy with cold ones to be on time?" Jared asked, still snide. I could handle that, though. I just wasn't in the mood to fight him.

"She's doing something important. Imagine if Carlisle finds a way to stop involuntary phasing." Life was a lot easier with Sam on my side. "You'd all better get it down pat before she comes back. Her teaching methods aren't as nice as mine."

Paul was quick to say, "I can take it."

"We'll see," I said as I tugged off my shirt in the cover of the woods nearby.

"Enough wasting time. Let's move," Sam ordered.

Sure enough, everyone got up from where they were in Emily's place and jogged out to where I was. They all turned their backs to me in an uneven circle so I could continue to strip if I wanted to save my underwear. Which, I did.

Soon enough, we all phased—almost in perfect unison—and I went through the rush of eight lives.

Jared was happier than ever, until now. Embry's tension with his mom had died down because he'd stopped phasing, but he couldn't enjoy that peace due to the state of the pack. Collin was ecstatic his parents were paying more attention to him recently. Brady had gotten an A on a test he thought he was going to fail. Quil loved summer because it gave him more time with Claire. Paul was just Paul. Sam was floating on a cloud that took him closer to his wedding each day.

Seth's mind was the entrance in the undercurrent of unease in the pack.

Images of my own death hit me with all the intensity of a freight train. I finally found out why Carlisle had refused to let me see the injury on my shoulder. The newborn had taken a chunk of my flesh when it bit me, exposing bone. It looked gnarly, to say the least.

The remembered pain spotted my vision with black and filled my lungs with phantom fluid. I died again, over half a dozen times, but I saw myself differently each time. Sometimes, I was sweatier and there was an emphasis on my hair being stuck to my cheeks. Sometimes, my screaming was louder and bone-chilling. More often than not, though, it was the paleness that they all noticed the most. Quil thought it had looked like I'd bled out my own soul.

My mind was thrown through a frenzy of emotions, bouncing from low to even deeper low. But after the torture of Seth's waiting came the memory of me waking up after surgery. My eyes fluttered open, casting shadows on my pallid cheeks. My lips were only a pale, faint pink. I started ordering them around and everything was ok again.

You met your dad, Sam thought, stunned and chockfull of emotion. Oh, Leah. You got to speak to him. You never let me see that before. Sam had loved my dad, losing their friendship was a close second as far as the hardest part of our breakup.

I didn't want you to know right away. I wanted that to myself for a while. But it's out now, so now you know why I have to do a good job at being second.

Jared's contempt lightened up into a vague annoyance. As long as you help us, I have no qualms with you, Leah. If the ancestors blessed you by allowing you to see your dad even after you imprinted on that thing, then I have no bones left to pick.

Thanks, Jared. It'll be nice to have you as third. Jared still thought it would be better if I was third and he was second. Don't ruin the moment.

Yeah, Jared. This is about Leah's dad, not your hangups. I miss Mr. Harry, Quil thought, wistful at the memory of how well my dad used to grill.

His other half, Embry, was more focused on the scent in my room than bratwursts. He highlighted the fact that Sam couldn't smell it. The last time Leah caught a mystery scent, it turned out to be Edward.

Yeah, but this one's not sweet, I thought, wincing at the metallic scent.

It's not metal. I don't know what it is, but it's not human, either. Embry knew he was going to be up all night trying to figure out this scent.

It smells off if ya ask me, Brady thought, wincing, too. Plain weird.

Once you get past that initial whiff, it's definitely familiar, in a way, Collin insisted through our mind.

No way are we just glossing over Leah's issues with her boy, hyphen, friend, Paul interrupted, his thought flaring loud.

Watch it, cheerleader.

Hey, I might be your cheerleader, but I'm the pack's biggest fan. And now that you're second, I want your head to be on straight. All that's gonna happen if you convince him the hug was nothing—and we all know it wasn't nothing—is you're gonna get more hugs, get even more secure in his bed and then—BAM!

Paul was worried about me getting hurt. I always hurt without him. Leaving before Bella comes back would make no difference.

You don't think it'll be different when he rejects you? Remember when he insulted you that first night he stayed with you? Imagine that times a thousand.

Quil surprised me by being on my side. Lay off, Paul. Let her enjoy the time she has left, you have no idea what it's like. Besides, according to Alice, she's still got a shot at winning him over.

I don't want to win him over, I thought with force, easily becoming the loudest. I'm fine just being around him.

Yeah, but you do think he's beautiful. You wouldn't mind dating him, Brady thought, its presence timidly shifting into my head.

I made sure to answer him with a calm and pleasant state of mind. In a perfect world, sure, I wouldn't mind. But in this world—you know, the real one—I'm more than happy with friendship.

What're you gonna do if you chased him off for good? Collin thought of how much more time he could spend with me during the summer.

I'll put all my spare time into finding Bella, I thought back. I accidentally screwed Embry by bringing the memory of our talk to the surface.

How could you not tell me Jake's been emailing you? Quil's pain was a dull sting felt by the rest of us. I can't believe he didn't email me!

He wanted to, but you suck at keeping secrets.

Did Jake say that? Screw him!

Everyone got busy talking about Jacob after that. I was able to run all the way to the mountain lab without anyone bothering me. Sam wished me a quiet farewell before I gave a sigh that ended with me on my knees. My fingers were in a reflexive curl on the grassy ground as the chilly morning finally hit me.

One sniff told me Edward wasn't there, but he had been. Recently, too. He was probably back at the house, waiting to freak out on me when I showed up.

Clothes were waiting for me when I climbed down the long ladder into the secret lab. I shoved myself into them as I asked, "How's your morning so far, Carlisle?"

He was in his office, which wasn't soundproofed. "Eventful. You have interesting hormones."

"Uh, thanks?" I started navigating my way through the maze of halls.

When I got to Carlisle's office, I pushed open the door and found him at his desk. He was reviewing something on his computer. Papers and files were splayed all across his keyboard.

"Discover anything new?" I asked, examining his lack of a lab coat. He was in a crisply ironed long-sleeved polo and slacks with derby shoes.

No lab coat and not in the room prepared for my bone marrow aspiration. It was clear something had distracted him.

"As I said, interesting hormones." He looked up from his screen positioned toward the corner of his desk. "I noticed you didn't come home last night."

I couldn't help the surprised smile that pushed onto my face. "Uh, what?" He looked confused by my reaction. He didn't even realize what he'd said. "Home?"

"Oh, excuse me." He seemed embarrassed as he recognized his little mistake. I had fun laughing at his expense. "It was a mere slip of the tongue. I meant you hadn't come back, not home."

I went to the two chairs in front of his desk, using the one on the right. Every time I sat down in it, my body became one with the cushions.

Vampires chose the most comfortable furniture, I swear.

"I made second and I wanted to stay at the reserve for an early meeting today," I said. I sounded so genuine, I almost believed myself. I wasn't special, though.

Every shapeshifter became a skilled liar, after a while.

"How wonderful!" Carlisle was too distracted by my promotion in the pack to notice the little lie anyway. "That's very excellent news, Leah. Congratulations."

"Yeah, well, I was their last choice," I mumbled and crossed my arms. "Things went pretty smooth today during our first meeting. I'm sure Jared won't be a problem, at least for now. And they're all already back to obnoxiously stating their opinions on my life and decisions."

Paul's advice kept looping in my head, a constant white noise to my actually intelligent thoughts. If I wasn't trying to steal Edward from Bella, then what was I doing? I was just making it so that the separation would be even harder on us.

If I wasn't going to fight for him and I wasn't going to fight against his decision of tossing me aside when Bella came back—

No, no, what was I thinking? Paul wasn't right. I was pretty sure if he ever was, the world would end.

"Edward's pensive today," Carlisle told me, interrupting my thoughts. "He seemed upset when he came back without you last night."

Carlisle was used to Edward telling him everything. In the time I'd spent with them, it was easy to see that they were the closest out of all the familial relationships. That's why his next question was unprecedented.

"Did something happen last night?"

Edward hadn't told him.

What did that mean? Maybe he was leaning more to the side of forgetting the whole thing. Could he have been missing me? I'd missed him; his eyes, his smile haunted my dreams. But he didn't dream. All he did was think and think some more, convincing himself of insane things. So, he was definitely too busy feeling guilty over nothing all night to miss me—and, knowing that, there was no way Quil could be right, either.

As shapeshifters, we were supposed to do what was best for the imprint, despite ourselves. It was easy to forget that with the bond as unpredictable as it was now, but it was still true.

Thinking back on it, I hadn't put Edward's desires above my own since before I'd died. Everything I'd done since the bond had broken and reformed held an undercurrent of selfishness.

Was I was even attuned to his desires anymore? If I was, I pushed them aside easily enough.

I'd chased him down in the woods when he'd wanted to be alone. I'd slept in his room without permission and invaded his private space. I'd forced a friendship on him when he was at his weakest and most vulnerable. When he couldn't fight anymore. Now, I was thinking of ways to convince him, to force him into staying friends with me.

God, even if I did succeed in convincing him to still be friends today, then I'd be sentencing him to reject me for Bella. Again. And if Sam was right about me, then Bella would be coming back soon, due to my own interference.

So, what in the hell was I even doing?

Twisting Edward's arm, forcing him to rely on me, to use me and then throw me away like a living tissue. Forcing him to do something he didn't want to, again. Again and again, this kept happening. It was stupid of me to think I'd broken the cycle. I knew this wouldn't change.

I would always be unwanted by the men I loved.

"Leah?" Carlisle held a gaze full of concern. I didn't bother wondering how long I'd been silent and staring off into space. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I lied, clearing my face of any leftover emotion.

I wished there was a window in the room. It sucked being underground when the world was already collapsing in on you.

"Should we get to it?" I asked. Getting back up from my seat was a task and the floor felt unstable beneath the soles of my shoes.

Meeting Edward was finding purpose, finding equilibrium in my life after its nosedive. It only made sense that everything spun and fell and spiraled now that I knew I had to leave him.

"Perhaps we should do this another day." I heard Carlisle's words as a distant sound, so deep in my head that I'd almost missed them.

"No, let's knock it out today. It's the last sample you'll need for a bit." He'd told me last week that he wouldn't need me around as often after this.

Everything seemed to line up perfectly for me to move out. It all made sense, and yet none of it could've torn me from Edward's side. It was only Edward, himself, who could.

Carlisle wasn't even trying to hide his concern, but he also knew it was a moot point to voice it. "This way, then," he murmured as he left his seat.

I followed him into a sterile room that like he'd stolen it straight out of a hospital. It was an examination room, it even had a hand sanitizing station built into the wall. The only thing it was missing was little diagrams and posters hung up all around.

"Plan on ever bringing anyone else down here to experiment on?" My voice came out flat and dry. In other words, like it used to be before I met Edward.

I hoped I didn't revert too much. The pack needed me and was honestly the only thought keeping me together.

"I've been attempting to cure cancer throughout time, as well as the cure for vampirism. While I certainly plan to use the lab, it's unlikely I'll bring anyone down here. Unless I need a second opinion."

I started to unbutton my jean shorts while he prepared the little things he had left. "Like Rosalie's."

"She's done me a huge favor in keeping me up to date on modern medicine." He got a little shine of pride about him as he mentioned Rosalie. "Let me know when you're ready."

He kept busy as I took off my shorts and climbed onto the table, getting the local anesthesia ready. We'd discussed the dosage and procedure in detail. He suspected that he would have to use a lot of force to drill into my bone and that good timing would be critical. Since my bones healed fast when they broke, he suspected a tiny hole would close up even faster.

"You'll want to hold onto something," he said as he tore open an alcohol wipe.

I laid on my side, the exam table's paper crinkling under my left hip as Carlisle positioned me better. He sanitized the impact point with precision. The prick of the needle a whisper against my skin.

"So far, so good," I muttered.

"While we wait for the anesthesia to spread, here." He held out something red and round in his hand.

I took what he was offering, examining what looked like a knitted apple. I gave it a squeeze, confirming my half-formed theory about it being a stress ball. "Esme."

"You know how she worries." He checked his wristwatch. Anesthesia spread more quickly through a shapeshifter. It also wore off quicker than with a human. "Ready?"

"Ready." He made a careful cut with his scalpel and I smelled my blood, but I didn't feel the blade.

I definitely felt that drill, though.

Although, it wasn't more painful than the chest tube and the recovery from my surgery. The procedure was just a new type of torture I hadn't experienced before. The bone kept healing between every turn, only to be twisted back open by the drill.

Carlisle placed a gloved hand on my arm in a comforting gesture. The fact that I was shuddering only became noticeable to me when I felt how still his hand was.

The process of him extracting the marrow required him to use both of his hands. He had to fight for it, but he won against the fast-acting healing.

"Finished," he said for my benefit. He raced around the room, capping the sample vials before he came to give me pills.

I sat up slow and easy. "I'm good. Thanks, though."

With a bit of hesitance, he put the pills back in their bottle and then the bottle back in its cabinet. He removed his gloves and tossed them in a nearby trashcan. "All done. Would you like a lollipop?"

A breathy laugh escaped my throat, causing a sharp throb in my back. "You're kidding."

He smiled and flashed over to a drawer before offering a cherry-flavored lollipop. "For my favorite patient."

"Jeez. I know I'm a lot younger than you, but I'm not a little kid, Carlisle." That being said, I took the sucker.

"I know you're a grown woman." I nodded, satisfied at his acknowledgment. There was a brief pause in our conversation. "Would you like a snack for the road? It's a long way back and I have some crackers for you."

He grinned when I laughed and shook my head at him. "Very funny, old man."

"Maybe when you're older, you can be half as funny as me, kiddo."

Carlisle would always be my favorite. That's why I was glad to be able to break the news to him, one-on-one.

"Hey, since this was pretty much the last thing you needed from me, I was thinking I should move back home."

He reacted in a very Carlisle way. "If you wish to go home, of course, you can. I'm sure you miss your family and this experience has been trying, for all of us."

"Pretty trying, yeah."

"But if you were ever to decide to come back, I would personally see to it that we built you your own room."

I would miss him the most, after Edward. Hands down. "Thank you. I'll tell stories of my time with you and your family until the day I die. I'll make sure the tribe knows just how much they misjudged you."

"And we will never forget you, Leah Clearwater." He flashed me a smile before going back to cleaning up.

I shimmied back into my shorts, giving a little hop or two. The stress ball went into my pocket before I unwrapped my lollipop and stuck it into my mouth. It had chocolate in the center, so it was one of the good ones.

"So, will the marrow help develop those chemical therapies or something?" I asked him as he balled up the paper from the exam table, tossing it into the trash.

Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "We're stocking up on more stem cells in case of another emergency. They'll good to have around when the chemotherapy experiments do begin."

"Are the therapies even close to being finished?"

"Follow me, I'll show you them."

The place he was storing the precious research turned out not to be far from the examination rooms. We got to the door in five seconds and unlike the other rooms, I couldn't catch a whiff of what was inside.

"Don't cross the threshold of the door. So much venom in one room would surely cause you negative effects," Carlisle warned as he strode up to the door.

"It's only mild toxicity. And I'm not bitten, so I'll be fine."

There was a keypad by the door. Carlisle covered it with his hand as he inputted its password. All the buttons made the same noise, giving me no way to differentiate what he'd pressed. It wasn't long before he opened the door, cool air from inside the room rolling out and past us.

It looked like a full-on chemist's lab inside, all sorts of tubes and flasks and weirdly shaped vats. Noxious fumes had also poured out when Carlisle opened the door, none he seemed too worried about. After the harsh scent of chemicals spilled further into the hall, Edward's joined in the cocktail. Only a night had passed and I'd almost forgotten how lovely he smelled.

I could understand why my mom kept my dad's cologne around now.

"The first draft is the white vials. My most recent batch is the cloudy ones in the vial rack on the back wall." He let me stare at them for a while, my last chances in vials. By the time he asked, "Ready to go get your things now?" I actually was.

I could do this. I could leave the Edward, leave the Cullens, and put Bella back with them. I could do it because there was still hope that I could live a normal life.

"Yeah, let's head out," I replied before heading for the exit, my own scent marking the way back to the ladder.

On the run to the house, I tried to enjoy the partially sunny day, stepping into every patch of sunlight I could find. Carlisle saw what I was doing and joined me, gaining an ethereal shine to his skin every time he found a spot of sun. He looked like living crystal, at times, topped with pure gold hair.

It was crazy how blinded by hate shapeshifters were, to the point where we could miss so much beauty. But it was even crazier how Edward could effortlessly outshine Carlisle.

At the very end of the run, I pulled forward and beat Carlisle, just to irritate him. It worked. He always pursed his lips a bit when he was secretly pissed.

"I've never seen a more competitive vampire or shapeshifter." Jasper was on the porch where he was playing cards with Esme. "I hope we don't get another repeat of the fire of '98."

"Ok, will somebody tell me what the hell that is? What's the fire of '98?" This was my last chance to find out.

Jasper laid down a card on the tabletop, going completely unnoticed by Esme. "It's a long story. I'll tell you later." He did a double-take at me after his own statement and it took me a moment to figure out why.

He didn't just influence others' emotions, he was an emotional sponge, himself. He sensed my dread.

"Is something the matter?" Jasper asked before Esme could even say hello.

"Maybe. Where's the prettier half of you?"

Jasper smirked at my question and said, "Busy with her mystery event. She's out picking new tablecloths."

Carlisle went to Esme, giving her forehead a kiss as she said, "Whatever she's planning is bound to be gorgeous. I've spied a few things here and there when I was helping her before, but it seems like she's indecisive."

"If she's indecisive that means the people she's working with are," I said. I gave my head a shake, my bangs obediently sliding back into place. "I wish she was here."

Carlisle whispered something into Esme's ear, something even I couldn't hear. Esme looked at me after the fact, her butterscotch eyes glowing. "Leah, come inside. I'll cook you the entire kitchen as congratulations."

"Tempting, but I have drills to run with the pack. Being second eats up all your time." She made a sad face at my rejection, one I couldn't stand looking at.

Carlisle must have seen the struggle on my face because he said, "Let her go, Esme. You can always drop off food by her house later."

"Her house?" Esme asked, her voice even higher than usual with shock. "This is her house, this is where she lives." Her voice held a genuine offense to it as she looked up at her husband.

I choked down a laugh before saying, "I guess that if we're getting technical about it, I don't have a house of my own. I'm moving back to my mom's since I'll be accepted at the reservation again."

Carlisle had to grab the back of her chair that had tipped over from her fast exit. In maybe half of half a second, I was encased in a stony hug. "This is all happening too fast. I can scarcely process any of this good news."

"That's the first time I've ever heard a vampire say 'too fast'." Carlisle smiled at my remark and I took to patting Esme's back since she wasn't ready to let go yet. "Hey, where's Rose, you guys?"

"Present." She was up in her room, flipping through a magazine, by the smell of it.

"I need to talk to you about something, in private."

She put her magazine down, running a hand along her hair. She did it so often that I wasn't surprised I could recognize the mannerism through sound alone. "Interesting. I'll bite."

Esme let go of me, only to hold my shoulders in her grasp. "You'll still come and visit us, won't you?"

Carlisle, my savior, said, "She won't have much free time anymore. We're likely saying goodbye to her for some time, my dear."

"That can't be." She kept up the sad little frown as she looked up at me. "Surely we can come and visit you."

"I can ask Sam about it, but we have some stuff we're dealing with and everyone has to focus. And if you could limit hunting on our land, that'd be great. There's a vampire skulking around and your scents might mix up the pack."

Esme went from depressed to desperately concerned in point-five seconds. "An unfamiliar vampire? Oh no. How many fatalities have there been?"

"Zero, actually. No animal attacks in Forks or on the reservation. That's so weird now that I'm thinking about it." Esme seemed to go paler then and Carlisle tensed up on the porch. "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Why don't you go pack while I pack up some food for you to take home?" She placed her hand on the small of my back and ushered me inside the house.

Because of Esme, I ended up at Edward's door all too fast. My hand shook in all five of my unsuccessful attempts to knock on the door. I'd never been a coward before, so this was a new experience for me.

Jasper eventually decided to have mercy on me and I tapped my fingertips against the wooden barrier with newfound confidence.

"Come in," Edward murmured, my heart responding with a frantic thudding.

At his permission, I crept inside, almost afraid to see him after how much of an effect his voice, alone, had on me.

Lucky for me, he was staring through the south wall of his room, hands clasped tightly behind his back. His hair was messier than usual and he wasn't wearing shoes. I didn't think I'd ever seen him without shoes on.

"Why'd you take them off?"

"They needed a polish. I was going to change into another pair." I looked to his dresser, finding an abandoned pair of shoes. The sight had me confused until I put two very obvious pieces together.

He'd heard me and that had stopped him.

"I can't believe you're leaving."

I walked toward him, each step more tentative than the last until I was standing right behind him. He knew what I was going to do seconds ago—which was ages in vampire time. I moved slowly like I could startle him, despite knowing that was impossible.

When I finally reached up and pressed my hand to his back, he flinched. My hand slipped off with no resistance, like a bead of water too heavy on a petal.

Nothing I could think to say felt right. No amount of phrases I threaded together could accurately express a single feeling I had for him. But I blamed that on my lack of eloquence more than the entire English language. I just couldn't put it into words.

I stepped back and started packing.

About halfway through, Edward came over and started helping. I watched as he folded everything neat, even getting his own bag out from his closet to help me pack everything. Alice and Rosalie had bought me a lot of things that I'd never asked for.

We packed in a soul-crushing silence, one that was all too familiar. We didn't exchange a single word, even as I stressed and agonized over what I could or should say. In the end, he zipped up his bag without having suffered a single, ineloquent word from me.

It was probably better that way.

When I finished zipping my suitcase, he grabbed it and the bag, carrying them down for me. I followed, feeling hollow inside. And, of course, I felt that way—I'd taken my heart and carved out its center. It beat in my chest only out of spite, to keep me alive so I could suffer along with it.

Edward reached into my sweatshirt's big front pocket when we reached the bottom of the stairs. His hand came back out with my van's keys. "I'll store these for you," he said quietly, his eyes on a mission to avoid mine.

Throughout the whole process, the Cullens—minus the two absentees—had been quiet. None of them struck up a conversation with each other and Esme and Jasper didn't go back to playing cards. When I got out to my van, Edward had already stored my luggage and was working on the wrapped plates from Esme.

I turned to the house and the Cullens were all on the porch, still and staring. I used to get creeped out by how they never moved or fidgeted. Now, I knew I'd miss their odd tendencies.

"Emmett's hunting, but if he were here, he would say it's a shame you're going," Rosalie told me when I strolled back over to them.

"It is," I agreed, leaving it as simple as that.

I tried to turn to leave, but then Esme said, "If you ever need anything from us, call. We'll always answer."

My voice wouldn't come out. I wanted to say thanks, to tell them how much they'd changed my life, but I couldn't even speak. I didn't want to speak. I didn't want this to be over.

Emmett flashed onto the porch. "What's happening and why does Leah look like I just beat her at guitar hero?"

"Shut up," I said through a quivering laugh. He stuck his tongue out at me, wrapping his arms around Rosalie. "I'm, uh, actually leaving. Right now."

"Already?" Esme gave a supportive pat on his arm at his disappointed tone. "It's a shame you're leavin' so soon, Flash."

"What did I say?" Rosalie flashed me a smile before kissing Emmett's cheek, leaving behind a red stain.

"Thanks, Emmett. Thanks to all of you, really." I wished Alice was around to hear what I was going to say next. "I'm used to feeling unwelcome. I expected you all to reject me—it's kinda what I expect from most people—but you didn't. You invited me into your home. You treated me as an equal and you never made me feel like some…wolfy impostor."

"Great band name," Emmett commented, earning an elbow in the side from Rosalie.

I smiled at their little exchange, Jasper making it possible for me to. "In short, you changed my life. Thank you."

Carlisle came down from the porch, Esme holding a hand to her heart as she watched on. "I won't stop my efforts to find a suppressor for the shapeshifting gene, not until I find out how to help you. I would also like you to know that we mean it when we say you can come back at any time." He held out his hand to me.

I was quick to shake it, hoping he'd somehow read into it and know how much I respected him. "Thank you. And, also, thanks for saving my life."

He smiled. "Hopefully, I won't ever have to again." He broke off the handshake and it was hard for me to let go.

"Bye, guys," I said, avoiding looking at Esme and her sad face. I gave a stiff and uncomfortable nod before heading back to my van.

My keys were in the ignition when I got into my driver's seat, so I just gave them a turn. The Cullens channeled back into the house, except for Rosalie and Edward. But Rosalie stayed on the porch, watching Edward as he approached my car.

I couldn't have rolled down my window fast enough.

He leaned down, his face too close to mine to think straight. "I have to know," he whispered, his eyes flitting down toward the ground.

"Know what?" I whispered back, tilting my head to try and follow his eyes with mine.

He looked back up, using the full weight of his gaze. I grabbed ahold of the steering wheel like it could stop the sensation that I was falling. "Is it because of me? Is that why you're leaving?"

"How could you ever think that?" He knew he could never chase me away.

His striking features twisted with pain as he said, "Because I don't understand, Leah. Why? Why are you doing this?"

"Because I don't want you to have to do it." Despite his reaction last time, I reached toward him.

He didn't flinch when my hand touched his cheek. Instead, he closed his eyes. "You're doing this for me. You're trying to help me, to spare me. But what you don't understand is that this alone riddles me with guilt. You're suffering and all for me."

"Try to think of it this way. There's nothing I want more in this world than for you to be happy. I'm getting exactly what I want."

His eyes fluttered back open and whatever I'd been thinking floated off. Our tiny whispers died, the remains of the conversation swept away with today's breeze. Honestly, there was nothing left for us to say. I settled for sweeping my thumb back and forth over his cheek, comforting him the same way he'd comforted me.

There was no telling how long we were there, stalling the forever. We only stopped because Rosalie cleared her throat. The abrupt noise caused us to pull back from each other, the action simultaneous and smooth like we'd practiced it. He turned his back to me and I looked away from him, straight out of the windshield.

Rosalie was smiling as she climbed into the passenger's seat. As I pulled out of the driveway, she said, "I'll tell you when we're out of his range."

I drove back out of the practically hidden path to the Cullen house for the last time. There was no way I could go back without risking caving and begging to be in Edward's life again. And I was determined to be as selfless as people seemed to think I was.

So, I enjoyed the arch of trees for the last time before I stepped on the gas, doubling down on my decision in my head.

It was a bit of a car-ride before Rosalie said, "Safe."

I took the first exit I could find and parked in a random convenient store's parking lot. Rosalie was patient as I turned off the engine to save gas and since neither of us suffered due to weather.

She looked straight into my eyes when I finally turned toward her. I had her complete and undivided attention. "What is it you need to talk about that Edward can't know? Is it why you left?"

"Partially. It's why I left way earlier than a week before Bella should be coming back."

Something like dread flashed across her face. "Are Bella and the mongrel on their way home?"

"Not exactly. A kid in my pack's been emailing Jacob, so I have a general idea of where Bella is. The only thing is that I can't leave right now."

"And so you're asking me to run off in search of the disaster girl." Rosalie let out a sweet sigh, a bitter smile gracing her face. "If she happens to 'accidentally' fall in front of my car, that's just a bonus."

I glared at her as I said, "Not funny."

"I beg to differ. This situation is so horrible that it's downright hilarious." She giggled to herself, twirling the loose curls she'd made in her hair. "What's made you so desperate to send someone after her? You could have waited."

"Jacob said some weird crap in the emails, so I wanna make sure she's ok."

She lost the sadistic smile, taking on a different expression. Concern, maybe? "Do you think there's actually something wrong?"

"I can't know for sure until someone gets their eyes on her. I would've asked Alice, but she's busy with her event. Plus, she wouldn't be able to have any visions around Jacob."

"Fine. I'll go and see what Bella Swan's most recent problem is. I'll even report back like a good little patsy but make no mistake. You'll owe me." Her phone's ringtone went off and she picked it up within a split second. "Has your sight come back?"

"It has. The family is clear again," Alice responded, but she sounded troubled.

Rosalie didn't seem to notice. "Good, then you'll know I needed you to distract Edward long enough for me to pack and leave."

"I already texted him to come out and meet me. I'm worried about Bella, Rose. I think I may know what's happening."

"And you can't tell me?" Alice maintained an indicative silence. "Just how undecided is all of this?"

A fuzzy sigh came through the phone. "A chair with two legs is more stable than Bella's future right now. I can't make heads or tails of anything."

"Hey, Alice. It's Leah," I said, piping up from where I'd been sitting quietly.

"Yes, I knew you were there. Rose was supposed to call me a minute after leaving you," Alice said, a rummaging starting on her end of the line. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to say goodbye."

"It's fine. But I was wondering if you've seen anything about other vampires in town. The pack smelled an unfamiliar scent on our territory."

Alice answered in a low, urgent voice, "No, I haven't. Although, I should have seen another vampire entering Forks—unless all they're doing is recon on the pack, which means they don't create a ripple strong enough to make it through my visions." She talked fast, not stopping to breathe. "Stay vigilant, Leah."

Mystery scent and mystery vampire. The pack would be pretty busy these upcoming weeks.

"I have to go. Edward's here," Alice whispered fast before hanging up.

"Speaking of going, I have some packing to do before that speed demon returns home."

I swallowed hard, nodding in agreement. "Yeah. Thanks. And goodbye, I guess."

"Slow down there, Leto. You won't be free of me so easily. I may call in the future and being the good puppy you are, I'll expect you to come running. After all, you owe me a favor now and I can call upon it at any point in time for the rest of eternity."

I smiled at her, despite this being the worst day of my life. "I guess we'll have to be in each other's lives for a bit longer, then."

"A bit." She flicked her hair over her shoulder and opened the car door. When she was out, she leaned over, her golden hair draping over her side. "Don't get up to any trouble while I'm gone."

"I have a feeling all my troubles'll all vanish when you're finally gone." She tittered at my retort before closing the door and walking off. As soon as she got somewhere less populated, she'd run home.

On the long ride back to the reservation, I counted and recounted the days. It seemed unreal how fast it had all gone down. Just three weeks and four days. I met, loved, and lost my imprint in just three weeks and four days. We hadn't made it to a month before it all fell apart.

The only reason I was able to keep myself together through this was because I had been expecting this to happen. I always did, deep down.

It was early nine at night when I got home and stored all my things in my room. Mom still wasn't back. Seth wasn't around, either, so my guess was that the pack was waiting for me in our usual place. To avoid whining, I changed out of my clothes to smell less like I'd been bear-hugged by a vampire.

I followed a recent scent from Seth to the natural clearing we usually went to in the woods. When I got there, I wasted no time and phased so we could all get started.

Everyone got to see how painful it was to say goodbye to Edward. They surprised me by maintaining a respectful silence and moving along. It made Jared and Quil long to see their imprints, though.

Embry was the first to engage me. So, the seer didn't see any vampires coming into their area. The vampire must've beelined straight for us, then.

You're right. Because of that, the first thing I'll be teaching you is how to deal with sneak attacks and how to effectively use one. Jared, I want you to hide in the trees and try to attack me when I'm least expecting it during the drill. I wanna show you guys how I thwart things like that.

Emmett liked to pick on me whenever Seth wasn't around. He liked stalking around, launching sneak attacks that always ended with him sitting on top of me. He was the older brother I'd never had.

Isn't he great? Seth became ten times happier at the thought of his sparring matches with Emmett. Yeah, but you're my sister. I won't visit them without you.

Thanks, Seth. Now, focus, because I'm about to tell you the first necessary element of a proper sneak attack.

Speed, we all agreed as one.

Training went on for a couple hours before I finally let everyone phase back and go home. I was thinking about wandering through the forests in search of a new special place I could hide. But no hiding place would keep the pain of losing Edward from finding me.

As I was tugging on a sweatshirt, Embry came out of the woodwork. "Hey, Leah. Wanna hang out?"

I looked up at the star-speckled night sky before looking back down at Embry, squinting. "Like, right now? Isn't it close to midnight?"

"Yeah, but I'm bored and you said we could hang out today yesterday, so…you wanna? Quil would be coming along, too." Quil came running out from the trees, a big grin on his face.

This was getting into dangerous territory. "Just because I'm the acting second-in-command, doesn't mean I'm assuming Jacob's entire life."

Quil gave a breathy, psychotic laugh as Embry kept up a twitchy smile. It was pretty easy to see that something was off. I just wasn't sure what it was yet.

"We know you're not Jacob. Jake doesn't have your two best qualities," Quil joked, earning a punch to the arm from Embry. "I'm kidding! Jeez!"

"Very funny," I spat, pinning Quil with a glare.

"B-but, hey, since you're hanging out with us anyway, why don't you come to this concert with us? We need a third and it's happening in San Fransisco," Quil said, gleam of terror lit up in his eyes by the stars.

"And neither of you can drive." Suddenly, Quil's kindness on the beach and Embry's request for time together made a lot more sense. "Did you think I'd fall for this? Are you two that brain damaged from Jake smacking you around while sparring?"

I couldn't believe I hadn't seen what they were up to in the pack mind. Did Edward distract me that much? I guessed he wouldn't anymore...

"Leah, please! We've been waiting for this concert for forever and Jake abandoned us! We invited you because, yes, you can drive—but, we also know you like Rihanna. We'll even pay for gas and our own food and snacks and stuff!"

Sam had mentioned before the meeting this morning that I needed to bond with the pack now that I was second. And I'd already told Embry we'd hang out today. Plus, they both knew that the last thing I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts. Oh God.

This was it. That famed spot between a rock and a hard place. I was smooshed right in there with two wolves down below just waiting for me to fall.

Dammit! "Fine."

"Yes!" Quil did an emphatic fist-pump. Before I could say anything else, he sprinted ahead, doing a heel click over a high-sitting tree root.

Embry had on a meek smile when I looked back at him. "Sorry about that. I promise he'll crash as soon as you start the car."

"Great. I'm just your chauffeur now?"

"You're our friend and our ride and our seat-buddy if you're willing." He pulled a ticket out of his back pocket, handing it to me.

The thirtieth, tomorrow night. It was doable. I'd have to drive all night since I had no money for a hotel. I doubted I'd be able to sleep even if I asked my mom for some cash to get a room. How could I sleep without Edward sitting beside me, his hand in mine?

Maybe the concert would be good. It would be a distraction. I could even get my job back at Mrs. Cameron's gift shop. This could be a fresh start.

Well, more like a round two.

"I'll be sitting up in the front since Quil likes to lay down in the backseat and the result is always uncomfortable." Embry watched me stuff my ticket into my jean shorts' pocket.

I was wearing one of the old outfits I'd stashed out in the woods before I'd ever even met the Cullens. I was planning to start wearing all the new clothes Rosalie and Alice had bought me instead, though. Skirts were easier than shorts, after all. The ones without the zippers or buttons, anyway.

"Sure, you can sit upfront. That means you'll have to be my navigator, though." He slung an arm around my shoulders, ignoring my death stare as we headed after Quil.

"Isn't it so great to have friends?"

"No."

Embry talked my ear off about how in love he was with Rihanna, describing the first time he saw one of her music videos. He was so ecstatic to go be able to see her live that it was hard to get too annoyed with him. Quil, on the other hand, was dancing on the very fine line of getting punched in the throat.

"It's a hard thing, dumping an imprint. But you came out on top and now you're going to a Rihanna concert with the two coolest people in the pack." Quil gave my back a hard pat, irritating the faint sore spot from the bone marrow aspiration.

I scowled at him and he smartly took a step out of my personal space. "I don't wanna talk about Edward."

"Well, that's just a lie," Quil said, snorting his skepticism. "All I ever wanna talk about is Claire and all Jared wants to talk about is Kim. Even Sam finds new irrelevant reasons to bring Emily up in conversation every day."

Embry blew out a sigh, casting a cautious glance down at me. "Quil. Chill out, bro."

"It's true, though. Edward is all you wanna talk about, Leah, and, I don't wanna brag, but I'm pretty great at talking boys. Emily told me I'm basically an honorary girl."

I was planning to punch him until that last sentence. I ended up laughing instead. Quil grinned, edging back to my side as we walked. I got the appeal now of hanging around him now.

"I wouldn't brag about that, dude," Embry said, happy to begin teasing his best friend.

Quil rolled his eyes at him, completely unbothered. He pulled at his shirt's collar as he said, "I'm not ashamed that I'm awesome at talking with girls about their feelings. It's something that came with imprinting on Claire."

"Is it? I like to think you always had a secret girl inside of you, Quil." Embry laughed at my comment, giving a soft nudge to my arm.

"Aw, I wish! I would've dated so many more girls if only I'd understood them. I almost asked out Bella, you know. But I stepped aside so Jake's feelings wouldn't get hurt." Quil puffed his chest, giving it a pound for extra measure.

Embry pointed out, "You couldn't have dated her anyway. You wouldn't have 'understood' her."

"Hey, I had game back then. I just would've dated more girls if I knew everything I do now."

"Your kindergarten girlfriend doesn't count, so that brings you back down to one girl. You would've dated girls, period. Not more."

Quil did a double-take at me. "Whoa! Knock it off, second. Didn't you bruise me enough with your paws? Now you gotta start with your words?" He had a good-natured grin on his face. "But you know what I'm talking about, right?"

"As far as what?"

"How we all get a new trait after imprinting. Your new trait is a heart, mine is a feminine side and Sam's is thoughtfulness."

"What's Jared's?" Embry asked.

"A nauseating sex-drive," I said, shuddering in disgust as the two guffawed. "If we're being serious, his has to be sensitivity. He's been so touchy."

"I wish his newfound attribute was better personal hygiene," Embry said with a haunted face. I knew exactly which memory he was thinking about.

Jared ran a marathon once. His mom had to throw away his shoes after beating him with them for never washing his feet. Kim always made him wash them whenever they hung out, so that was the only break we ever got. Marathon day would never be forgotten—even his paws had smelled.

Quil jogged in front of the two of us, walking backward so he could look at me and Embry as he spoke. "Nah, I know what it is."

Embry grinned, already excited to hear his next words. "What is it?"

"Jared can PMS now." Embry almost died laughing. "Hear me out, hear me out. He doesn't get the actual period, he just gets the mood-swings, the sensitivity, and the swollen breasts."

"Dude, you should shut up before he hears you! He's not the far ahead," Embry warned, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Too late!" Jared yelled, his voice echoing through the woods. Quil took off and not two seconds later, Jared came after sprinting after him.

"Looks like we're back to only needing two tickets with the late Quil Ataera V's early demise," Embry joked. I gave a small snort, slightly worried he was right.

As we kept walking, I squinted to watch Jared chasing Quil far off. "Wow, look at them go. They'll make it to Canada by sunrise if they keep going at that rate."

"Hah, yeah." Embry sounded distracted, so I broke my focus on the two to look up at him.

A few seconds of walking in silence passed before I asked, "You ok?"

"Yeah. Uh, just...look, I know you don't wanna talk about the Cullens, but you should know that it's ok you miss them."

My heart ached in my chest, but I joked, "It's only been a few hours. I'm not quite there yet."

He got a little bashful smile on his face. "I know, but the Cullens were alright for what they are. Edward, too, if you're still cool with him. If not, then he's the worst of 'em all and I never liked the guy. So, you don't have to pretend not to be sad about it around me and Quil."

I wore a genuine smile as I said, "Thanks, Embry."

"Anytime." He wore a smile of his own all the way to my place. It was almost cute how proud he was of himself for cheering me up.

When we got to the house, Seth was passed out cold on the couch, open to any number of pranks I could think of. I went for the "subtle" mustache and angry unibrow before Embry and I snuck upstairs. I was too short on time to do anything worse.

Embry hesitated at my doorway while I plunged inside my room, turning on my lamp and zipping open my suitcase that I'd left on my bed. When I found my boots, I turned to talk to Embry. He was still standing there, he hadn't moved an inch farther in.

I crossed my arms, debating with myself. I decided, "Ok, I'll ask. What's up with you, Embry? Why are you being a weirdo?"

"Some of your posters are freaking scary," he said as he took a tentative step inside. "And every surface in this room has at least one plant on it."

"Mm-hm."

"I mean, these are even more plants than you think about." He walked over to my dresser where I had a painting up. "This is a beautiful painting of a bunch of different flowers, right next to a foam zombie head. Your room is so confusing."

I laughed and put my hands on my hips. "The painting was a gift from Sloan."

"Sloan Chavez? The super-rich, attractive, successful artist from your alma mater? The one Rachel and Rebecca were obsessed with all through high school?"

"Same one. Fun fact, he had super thick glasses back in high school. So, now he's wearing contacts to wear lensless glasses instead of just wearing regular glasses." I cackled to myself. "And he thought I'd actually be interested."

He wrinkled his nose, looking lost as he stood there, staring at my painting. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, he heard Sam and I broke up from one of my nosier cousins when it was all happening. He's been vying for a chance with me since ninth grade—his number's on the back of that painting."

"Dang, Leah! You care so little about this guy that none of this came through the pack mind?" He whipped around to face me, a fire in his eyes. "You have to get me a signed painting for Collin's birthday. He'd freak out."

I shrugged. "Maybe." I didn't want to call Sloan. He leered. "Get the food out of my van for me, would ya? I put away the cold stuff in the fridge already, but I don't want Quil to take their presence as an invitation."

"Got it. Keys?"

"Little table by the door."

Embry said before leaving, "We're gonna have so much fun—we being the two of us and Quil's dead body. It'll be like a creepier version of Weekend at Bernie's. I can't wait!"

I tied on my boots and made sure to grab some cash from my sock drawer for food and any potential emergencies. I also took my phone, just in case. I mean, I wouldn't get back to anyone, but what the hell? I owned it, so I'd take it with me.

I shook Seth awake after turning off my light and jogging downstairs. "I'm going out. I'll be back morning after next. Tell Mom I moved back in."

"She'll wanna know for how long," he slurred, rubbing his eyes and sitting up on the couch.

"Indefinitely."

Embry and I left before Seth could yell at us for drawing on his face. We did him yell, though, while we were pulling out of the driveway. It was great.

We swung by Quil's and saved him before setting out. And what did he say after I saved his life? It definitely wasn't "thank you" or "you're the best".

Quil said, "Ah God, it stinks in here! Was there a vampire in your van, Leah, or did Embry just rip one?"

"Complain about the smell one more time and I'll punt you out of my car." That shut him up nice and good. "Ok, now where exactly in San Francisco are we going?" I asked as I put on my signal to switch lanes.

"Mezzanine!" Quil yelled before cheering and whooping with Embry. "Did you pack some nice clothes, Leah? They have a dress code there."

"Crud, I still have to get my stuff, too," Embry said, looking at me with a grimace. "And the maps."

I just sighed and turned back around. I had a feeling this was a preview of what the next month of my life was going to be like.


A/N: Hope you enjoyed this extremely long chapter. The story is about to pick up a bit more, so stay tuned as we draw closer to the end!

I'm so friggin' psyched to be over one hundred reviews and follows. When I started this story, I wanted just two people to follow and comment, so I am completely blown away by this. This might seem small to some, but it's a miraculous mountain to me. Your support gives me the strength to continue writing! And here's my obligatory apology for any mistakes lol.