Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I am only putting my spin on Stephenie Meyer's already created world of the supernatural.

Warnings: Violence/Gore, mentions/attempt of suicide and character deaths

Special warning: There is a scene that may be triggering to some. Read with caution, just in case. It gets a bit heavy.


The last five days could be summed up with few words. The therapies led me nowhere, not even having brought on one symptom so far. Rosalie had stopped calling. The lurking vampire had packed up and left. My mom had gone insane. Emily had left me. And I was getting weird ghost calls in the night.

Anyway, Peter Alarie. Peter was the ultimate closed-book—he hated talking about himself and loved listening to trivia about me. I'd actually learned things about myself through dating him. It was unbelievable. The only thing he didn't know about me was that I could shapeshift. In comparison, I still didn't know where he was before he came to Washington.

So, obviously, "Operation Seductress" was a huge success.

But, to be a little more fair to myself, Emily had recently decided I was the official maid of honor while she was pre-honeymooning with Sam—because, let's face it, it didn't take more than a day to inspect an old cabin. When or how did she make such a decision? I didn't know. I'd thought it was Paige, her work best friend. I even wondered if it was Dawn, her second favorite cousin. It turned out that it was me, though. I hadn't been informed because she was too busy with the weddings until she was out at the cabin—

Wait, I wanted to repeat that because it still didn't feel possible. Emily was too busy with the weddings to let her maid of honor know that she was her maid of honor. Twice. For two separate weddings, she failed to tell me.

Honestly, I wasn't even sure how I was managing to squeeze in dates with Peter into my schedule these days. I didn't have time for sleeping anymore.

Cake frosting, chair décor, late-night calls from lonely Larry—a.k.a the flower vendor. I was in charge of informing every cousin, aunt, uncle, niece, and nephew about the second ceremony. And now that she was checking on the honeymoon location with Sam, their calls went straight to my cell, any time of the night or day.

It worked out that I was more attached to my phone than ever since calling Alice wasn't so difficult to remember anymore. But that was the only thing that worked. We didn't even get to talk for long since she was as busy planning her event as I was planning Emily's second wedding and shoring up her first one. She also seemed impatient every time we spoke, like she was waiting for something…

"Leah! Your phone is ringing! Pick it up!" Mom shouted from downstairs, huffing in her aggravation.

I leaped up from where I was licking an envelope for a letter to Emily's grandmother on my bedroom floor. I grabbed my phone from the edge fo my bed and I scrambled to press the correct tiny button. "Hello? How can I help you? Do you need directions, an update on transport back to the first or to the second venue? If you're experiencing difficulty in filling out the rsvp, don't be concerned about the meal plan. It's going to be a lot of meat, but there'll be a table for the vegetarians. Uh, we're still working on stuff for vegans and the—the—the pescatarians. If you need a—"

"I'm in desperate need for some time with the maid of honor." Peter's voice channeled through the phone.

I let out a long sigh. I couldn't say it was one of relief, though, since it still wasn't someone I'd wanted to hear from. "Fun as that sounds, I'm so busy that I could die."

"Well, we wouldn't want that. I'll come over. You'll have me at your complete disposal." The offer took about two dozen tons off my back. "Would that be alright with you?"

"Way more than alright."

He laughed, the sound warm. He'd been getting warmer toward me in general since we'd started dating. I didn't get why. I wasn't exactly being the best date. I'd barrage him with questions every time we were together. "Your wish is my command."

"See you soon."

I hung up and ran downstairs, narrowly avoiding smacking straight into a contractor. He moved to dodge and overcorrected his step. Without thinking, I caught him from falling on the thick pane of glass leaning against the wall. It was supposed to be the kitchen's new skylight. He'd been tipping toward it in just the right way to crack his head open and die.

"Mom!" I yelled as I hoisted the man back to his feet with one hand, ignoring his wide-eyed stare. "Stop having people renovating the house so late in the day! It's four o'clock in the afternoon!"

"Thanks, miss," the man grumbled. He used his handkerchief to dab at his glistening forehead, staring at me in awe.

"You should move this. It's a hazard," I told him, jutting my chin toward the glass before I went out to the back of the house.

She was packing up the planters and potted flowers I'd been maintaining for years. The rough patio furniture that we never used was already gone, in a box somewhere.

"They have to stay late since we're leaving so soon. If we want to have any renters, we have to make the place look nice. That reminds me, I have to double-check our reservation at that crappy hotel." She picked up a planter full of bloomed marigolds, tucking it into a box with care.

About four days ago, I came home to a startling amount of folded up boxes. Every day since then, they'd been filling up while I was out working. Mom hadn't gotten the promotion, so she'd decided it was "better for us to go". She claimed she wanted to move for my and Seth's sake, but I had a sinking suspicion she was being a sore loser.

We definitely weren't moving.

"Stop packing already. It's getting annoying now."

She sniffed, affronted by the thought of not uprooting our lives. "I can't stop packing because we're leaving."

"What, we aren't even staying for Emily's weddings?"

She shrugged and picked up the full box. "We'll visit for it. Paige can take your place as maid of honor. We're done living here."

"No, we're not."

"Yes, we are."

"Seth and I aren't even super great at controlling our phasing yet," I reminded her.

"Seth's slow to anger and you'll get the hang of it."

I crossed my arms, my head pounding out the familiar beat of an oncoming stress migraine. Been getting a lot of those lately. "Remember when we were on the other sides of this argument? I miss those days. I miss when you were reasonable one and said we couldn't leave and I was the crazy one trying to tear us away to a sunny state."

"Well, it turns out you were right," she said with a sniff.

That took me aback. "I was right?"

"Yes."

"And you're willing to admit that?"

"Didn't I already?" She wouldn't meet my eyes. "The Clearwaters only experience bad things here, so we're moving elsewhere and that's final." She charged back inside, leaving me worried on our small patio.

Come to think of it, she'd done this once before. Dad took a bad fall and broke his leg after Seth got a minor concussion from playing football with his friends. Seth had lost his baby tooth because of it, his last baby tooth. She'd packed up the whole house and hired movers before she caught me crying on Sam's shoulder about going. So, we'd stayed, just like we were going to stay now when Seth finally started to believe her and got upset.

But it did make me wonder. Would a simple promotion setback make her want to leave so bad? There had to be something else. Seth was thriving and I was second. It had to be something about her, something so bad that she didn't need any other reason to go. Something with Charlie, maybe?

More stress bore down on me and my head. I had to swallow down the well of it rising out of the pit of my stomach before I could move again.

"Where's that kitchenware box?" Mom asked under her breath from the kitchen. The poor contractors did their best to move around her.

"I unpacked it and then threw it away," I called out as I was heading back inside.

"Stop doing that!"

Seth came home then, in the middle of Mom taping a new box together for the kitchenware. He was smiling until he saw her on the floor. "Really, Mom? We're not moving." He still gave her a hug before coming upstairs to where I was back in my room.

He crouched down to give me a hug before flopping onto my bed. "Shoes, off." He kicked off his dirty sneakers at my command and then snuggled with Flopsers, my faithful bunny. I'd had the plushie since I was three.

"Need any help?" He asked as he twiddled the ear of Flopsers.

"Nah. Peter's coming over to help. I'll probably be going out with him after."

Seth nodded and closed his eyes, snoozing on my bed as I made some more calls. The hardest part, by far, was planning the bachelorette party. There had to be two now, according to a bunch of cousins. Emily caved. I got to plan the second one by myself and I was going to hire strippers, dammit. I already planned the girly, polite one with Paige. This one would have naked men and champagne flutes full of sparkling cider. Spiked with real booze because anyone there would know I'd kill them if they snitched.

"You smell different." He'd woken back up. I had no idea when. Probably during my screaming match with a relative.

I put down the written song request I was examining. "How so?"

"It's kinda," he paused, giving a big sniff. "I guess it's sweet. But it's also…musky. Like old blood. You need to stop taking the therapies."

"I am. Today will be the last time, I promise."

He sat up. "No, Leah. Don't take any today—promise and mean it or I'll smash them."

"Jeez. Have you forgotten who the older sibling is here?" He didn't even twitch at my remark. "Ok, fine. I won't take the dose today."

The day to run drills had come and gone. I'd opted to have a meeting then instead. I'd told everyone I'd been taking the therapies for a while and felt fine. Sam called, livid that I'd taken such a big risk, but he couldn't be too mad. Nothing had happened. But by the end of the heavy meeting I held, no one wanted to phase anymore and since the vampire had left by then, no one had to. I was free to keep my last few secrets, but I couldn't see that lasting past the next drill-day.

Unless I helped my mom move.

I breathed a surreptitious chuckle that caught Seth's attention. "How was your day, kid?" I asked him as a distraction, going back to looking through the song requests.

"It was ok. Nothing special happened. Can I stay at a friend's house tonight since the vampire left?"

I shot him a smile. "Yeah, of course. I'm not Sam, I won't say no to everything."

"I know. It's awesome." He smiled back, though it was a little less sure than mine. "Find out anything new about Peter yet?"

"Hoping I will tonight. I'm not gonna let him dodge a single question."

Seth was quiet then, disappearing into his thoughts. As I was tying a ribbon around the letter for Emily's grandmother, he asked, "Do you like him?"

"He's..." Attractive, intelligent, British, respectful, everything I'd dreamed of as a schoolgirl. And not even close to brushing Edward's heels. "Ok. His eyes though—"

"Yeah, I know. They go from, like, friendly to intense really fast. It's weird." He got a suspicious expression that was almost a perfect imitation of Dad's skeptical face. "He's normal, but not."

I nodded. "But, all in all, still a better date than Sam." Seth guffawed and I shot him a mean grin.

"Well, I think Mr. Peter's harmless," Seth said later, playing with my old, chipped jewelry dish shaped like a rose.

"Even so, his aura is off." Seth ruminated on my response, draped all across my bed as he fidgeted with my things like they were his own. That twerp.

He rolled onto his side to look at me as he said, "Old Quil says you can tell everything from a person's aura."

"Maybe Old Quil should date him, then," I grumbled.

"He wants to see you, y'know. Billy, too. He notices you only show up at his house when he's asleep or away. You have to face them sometime."

The doorbell rang and I hopped on the opportunity not to talk about difficult things. I made sure to go down the stairs slower that time. As soon as I opened the door, I stepped out and closed it behind me.

Peter's eyebrows quirked up on his face. "I thought I was helping."

"Only if you wanna die of boredom." I held out a hand to him. "Come with me if you want to live," I said, doing my best impression of Schwarzenegger.

He smiled and took my hand, falling into my trap. I started running—at a semi-reasonable, human's pace. If I wanted him to open up, he had to feel like I already had. And I was sick of wedding duty, so I wanted a break anyway.

"Where are we going?" He asked through his laughter.

"A hiding place."

Sure enough, I found a semi-new place for us in the woods. He was out of breath by the time we got there, so I pretended to pant along with him.

"Do you always break into random marathon sprints?" He asked me when he could breathe somewhat normally again.

"Running is one of my favorite things to do. It's something I'm actually good at."

He got serious then, his eyes doing that thing that made my brain assume he wasn't normal. "I'm sure you're proficient at many other things. Things you've yet to even try."

I spotted a log and sat down on it, patting a mossy spot beside me. "Like what?"

"I would love to find out with you." He put his hands in his pockets and strolled over to me. "To me, you're already quite impressive."

I tilted my head to the side as I asked, "Why's that?"

"Watching you help plan this wedding is truly unlike anything I've ever seen." He sat down beside me on the log, his hand ending up next to mine. I moved my hand into my lap. "Then again, you often take my breath away."

"Hah." I gave a dry cackle, fanning him with my hand since his face was all pink. "Sorry about that."

Humans were so fragile. Even when I dialed my speed back times a hundred, they struggled. "You're exceptionally fast. Quite right, too. You have amazing legs."

My initial reaction was to be annoyed by the flattery, but then I remembered my role. Seductress. So far, I'd played interrogator and that had gotten me jack-squat. It was time to sacrifice my morals and self-dignity.

What was left of it anyway.

"Then you must be able to read well because you have amazing eyes." Ugh. Gross.

"Ok, that's the first compliment you've ever paid me. Did you sleep at all last night?" He asked with a teasing smile. Was that actually the first time I'd given out a compliment? We'd been out on four dates already.

God, I sucked. "I blinked for five minutes, at one point." Since I couldn't flirt, I used humor instead. "Why? Do I seem tired to you?" I asked, slurring my words.

He chuckled, but took a more serious tone with me as he said, "You must take better care of yourself, Leah. It's very important that you do."

Interesting phrasing. "Why?"

"Are you asking me why self-care is important?" He had a confused smile on his face.

He was the most polite smart aleck. "Sometimes, you've just gotta push yourself aside. It's for family, so I'm glad to do it."

"And I understand that you love your family very much, but it's almost to a fault. You act as if you owe them something—like you owe the entire world something." He got a faraway gleam in his eyes. "I used to be that way. I would walk into a room and feel guilty for the space I took in it."

"What changed for you?"

He reached up, scratching the recent stubble he'd grown on his face. "I turned eighteen and met my granddad. We've been close ever since."

Yes. Finally. A lead. We'd already searched up Peter, himself, only to find he was a legitimate professor. A young, highly awarded professor and linguist. His family was adoptive, as he'd said. His sister had a private Facebook that we'd managed to get into through a cousin's account and that confirmed it. She was interested in her ancestry but too busy with schooling, just like Peter had said. But even though everything seemed to check out, it still felt off.

By God, I would find out why. "Granddad, huh? Is that who you're texting all the time at Billy's?"

"Oh, has Billy been complaining of my dinner tendencies? My apologies." His smile became thin. "Yes, it's often my granddad. Although, I do have friends from all around the world that I like to keep tabs with. I feel like I'm talking about myself too—"

"But you and Grandpa Alarie are close?" I couldn't let it go. This was the most he'd said about himself since we started dating.

On some level, he must've known I wouldn't drop this since he pressed his lips together before blowing out a resigned sigh. "Yes. He supported me in my endeavor to become a college professor."

"Do you have tenure?" Test question. I liked to check every now and then to see if he'd lie about harmless things.

"No. I move too often to desire tenure. I want to travel while I'm still young. I already wasted a decade studying things I mostly already knew."

Even though I already knew, I asked anyway, "How old are you?"

"I went to university when I was fifteen. I'll be twenty seven next month. I hope that's not too old for you."

"Not even close." I was friends with a blonde ninety-one-year-old. I'd imprinted on a one-hundred-and-five-year-old. I could laugh at twenty-seven. "Don't tell anyone, though. They'd wanna throw a party."

"Ah, that wouldn't matter. I don't celebrate my birthdays."

Weird. "Why?"

"My mum died giving birth to me. My dad died in a car crash on the way back to see her give birth. He was bringing back diapers. They'd forgotten them, of all things."

Oh God. Wrong line of questioning. "I'm so sorry." Crap, now I felt like a terrible person. More-so than usual.

"It's alright." His eyes screamed opposite, displaying an amount of grief I had to look away from. "At least I got to be born in France because of it."

Wait. "Your parents lived in France? I though they lived in England with your uncle—dad."

"My uncle-dad?" He asked in a lighter, teasing tone. "No, they did live there with them. My dad simply wanted me born in France."

"And you've kept your dad's surname?"

His lips twitched into a small smile. "You always ask so many questions. Do you ever run out of inquiries?"

"I'm sorry. Last one."

"Deal. I did keep his surname. It was a long argument to have my last name changed back since my adoptive father had changed it to his, but I won. It was my birthright."

Judging solely by the last name, his grandfather sounded french. I was guessing he was another reason his dad wanted him born in France. If all that was right, though, that meant Grandpa Alarie had been influencing Peter since before he was even born. He didn't wait long to get into his life again once he was an adult, either, but according to Peter, he was a positive influence in his life. It seemed doubtful, though, considering how much the uncle-dad seemed to hate Grandpa Alarie. I mean, it took a lot of spite to deny an old man access to his one and only grandchild after losing his first child. Especially if you were that old man's last living son. It took about as much spite as you'd need to change your own last name so you didn't share it with your father.

Why would uncle-dad hate his own dad so much? Did he also hate his late brother? If he did, why would he have taken in Peter? Just to spit in Grandpa Alarie's face? It didn't seem like he'd taken in Peter because he cared about him, there weren't pictures of him on his adoptive mom's Facebook page, or uncle-dad's. There were hundreds of Naira and one with Peter cropped out.

I was missing something, some key piece that would make all the animosity make sense.

"If you're thinking about the wedding, then stop," Peter chided with a smile. "We came here to escape those thoughts."

I forced a smile. "Right. Sorry."

Maybe I was reading into it a little too much. Maybe it was just ordinary family drama. Maybe I could chalk up every other strange thing about him to a coincidence. Paranoia caused everything to look way more suspicious than it actually was. And I was as sick of interrogating Peter as he was of being interrogated. It sounded like he had a lot of family problems, but nothing that would harm the pack or the people the pack protected.

And if it wasn't harmful, I just didn't care anymore. My head hurt, I had enough stress for a football stadium's worth of people, and I was exhausted.

"Where should we eat?" He stood up, ready for our date that I'd already forgotten.

"Well, what are you in the mood for?"

"A good, American burger."

I started walking at a reasonable pace back to the reservation, avoiding his hand when it reached for mine again. He was always trying to grab me. "I know just the diner."

We went with my van, leaving his smart car at the house's driveway. Having gotten enough information out of him for today, I let the conversation meander on our date. We talked about daily life. Boring things. I appreciated the monotony of small talk a lot more after the dark turn our conversation took in the woods. It was way easier on the heart.

We got onto the topic of work during dessert. "I'm still going through the adjustment period, certainly, but I quite like it. The kids are charming and my coworkers are very helpful. They go out of their way often to teach me the ropes. It's reassuring," he told me, slyly reaching across the tabletop to try and connect our hands. I moved my hand swiftly into my lap. "And I'm not sure I ever properly thanked all of you for getting Billy to let me stay at his place." He was a master at flitting past my rejections of contact by now.

I kept hoping he'd stop trying altogether.

"You don't have to thank me for that. Billy was happy to help out." If only that were true.

The phone call where I'd broken the news to Billy was hellish. He'd pretty much just ranted and raved at me for sending a "cold one" after his son for sixteen minutes. Mom was often at his place since Peter had moved in, adding Billy to the rotation Charlie was on. She'd become a beacon for devastated parents afflicted by the world of the supernatural. All the more reason we weren't leaving.

"Ol' Billy was lonely anyway. He's being nice to you, right?" I genuinely wasn't sure how Billy had been treating Peter. I'd been too busy to ask my mom or anyone else about it.

"Oh, very. Cryptic, but very nice."

I chuckled under my breath, my migraine thudding away. "Yeah, well, that's Billy Black for you. When I was ten, I broke my ankle playing out by the creek after he'd already told me a scary story to make me stay away. While we were in the waiting room at the ER, he said it would never be the same again. He never clarified if he meant that about my ankle or his trust in me, but I sat up for a month thinking about it."

"Does he trust you with things now?"

"Well, I'm an adult now, so yeah. He used to trust me a lot, even let me baby-sit his son. But my ankle still clicks." Peter laughed, the happy sound a bit contagious.

It turned out to be a fun date. Anything was fun compared to how my days had been going lately, though. But Peter was a cool guy. He was idealistic, sometimes clueless, and smiley beyond belief. In a perfect world, I would've transitioned from fake dating him into dating him for real. It was odd to think of loving a normal man now. Even if his eyes and aura begged to differ with the label, that's what he was. Normal, human, boring. All the things a childish piece of me still cried for.

"Are you alright, Leah? You've grown quiet."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's head back, though. It's getting late." He checked his wristwatch at my statement, seeming astonished by the time.

He shot me a flirtatious and even my imprint-addled mind couldn't deny that it was a handsome sight. "Time flies when I'm out with you."

"Wish I could say the same." He laughed, thinking it was more of my dry humor. It wasn't. I really did wish that.

There wasn't even a brief second of silence the whole way back. He was great to talk to when I wasn't trying to squeeze a nonexistent secret out of him. He even had a gift for me that he pulled out of his trunk when we were back at my place.

"Aw, it's a bromeliad," I cooed, taking the potted plant from him. It had clearly seen exceptional care and I couldn't think of a better time to have one. It was still humid, but the sunniest it would get for the entire year. "It's so pretty."

"I thought you would like it." He sounded proud of himself. Honestly, he should be.

Its leaves were a healthy green, which saved me from worrying about its hydration. In the bed of green was a dramatic plume of red, brilliant even in the muted moonlight. It would make a nice addition to my room. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought to buy myself one already.

"This was so sweet of you, Peter," I said, smiling as I examined the beautiful specimen. "Thank you."

"You didn't seem to like the bouquet so much last time. I figured you would appreciate something that wasn't already dead."

Smart. "Right on the money." I put the pot down on the hood of my car with care. "One of my better gifts from a date."

"I'm honored to hear so," he replied. And had he gotten closer or was I imagining it? "I must say it's difficult to impress you, but it's worth it."

"It must be since you keep asking me on more dates."

He dug his keys out of his pants' pocket, unlocking his car. "Speaking of, how's lunch tomorrow sound?"

"I'm booked tomorrow from the afternoon and into the night." Brunch was a possibility, if I had to see him again tomorrow.

"Brunch, then?"

I laughed, taking a second to appreciate his unintentional mind-reading. "Some other time." I didn't really want to go on another date so I could be reminded how everything in my life was a lie and I would never actually be happy.

"I'll take your word for it." He turned to open his car but then whipped back around. "Oh, I almost forgot."

"What?"

He pressed a kiss to my cheek, near the corner of my mouth. My muscles locked together, doing the opposite of the dodge my mind had planned. And, for a second, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the touch.

Why? Because his nose and lips were cold from the chilly night.

When he pulled back, he said, "You're very warm. Get some rest tonight, Leah."

I watched him get into his car and back out of the driveway, not moving an inch. I heard him whisper just before he was out of hearing range, "Quel pouvoir."

And even once he was gone, I had to stand there and live with what I'd done. Who I'd imagined was leaning down and kissing me instead.

I was ruined. Ruined. Even with the bond weaker—or at least different than before—it didn't matter. Nothing could compare. I couldn't ever be happy with anyone other than—

I dashed inside, all the way upstairs and into my room. I turned on my white noise machine, grabbed a pillow, and let loose.

Screaming was its own form of therapy. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't scream much since my migraine was starting to get worse. Talking to Sam about the date would have to wait. I changed into my pajamas and cracked open my window, ready to crash.

I hadn't been sleeping well, not only because of stress but because of the nightmares. Every night, I saw what Alice had described to me back at the mountain lab's entrance. Edward kneeling on my grave as she and Carlisle talked in the distance. The weird part was that he always started crying blood before I woke up. So, I wasn't psyched to sleep, but I obviously needed it, if my head was any indicator.

Before crawling into my covers, I wanted to take some pain pills so I could drift off easier. I trekked downstairs to get acetaminophen and a glass of water. The mission was a success. While I was walking back to the stairs, I caught a glimpse of my bromeliad on my car.

"Crap." I walked outside, planning to scoop it up before heading upstairs. I'd watered all my other plants for the day. The concern for my new plant-friend was giving it a good spot in my room to absorb enough light. "We'll get you a nice spot."

I trailed a finger across one of its leaves before a drop fell onto the red flower. A drop of blood. I didn't waste a second, I went inside, put my pot down by the door and bolted out through the back.

I wasn't sure how long I was running. I passed scent markers and barriers like they were nothing. All I knew was I didn't know where I was anymore. That meant the pack couldn't butt in and freak out.

I started to relax and tend to the nosebleed. And that was when the pounding in my head decided to become too much to even breathe through. It was so bad, nausea decided to join the team of awful symptoms.

My knees planted themselves in the damp soil as I struggled to breathe through my queasiness. The breathing method didn't last since my head was trying to kill me, so it only got worse. Bile came climbing up my chest, burning and sweet until it reached the back of my throat.

I spewed cold puke. It was freezing, verging on giving me a brain-freeze. So, that the migraines, the fatigue, the lack of appetite, hadn't been products of stress. They'd been mild enough to make it easy to assign them that cause, but now it couldn't have been clearer.

I was so damn stupid.

Seth's description of my scent came back to me as I tried to push myself back to my feet again. Old blood, but also sweet. It was the result of my body letting Edward's venom kill itself off, bit by bit. It was like everything that had died was coming pouring out of me now.

Why did my first impulse to almost everything have to be to run far away from everyone who could help me?

My arms shook and gave out under my weight, leaving me stuck on my knees. "Help!" I yelled and immediately regretted it. My head had to have split open from the sheer force of the agony. Even my panting into the brisk night air made it pulse with pain.

Calling for help wasn't an option. I couldn't really think of anything else with how impaired my brain was. On top of it all, my throat started burning. It was reacting like I'd thrown up pure stomach acid, but only ten times worse.

Holding my head in my hands, I tried to get a good look at what exactly had come out of me. Whatever it was, it had a slimy texture in my mouth. I thought I saw clumps in it, but it was too dark to see. I kept waiting for my eyes to adjust until it hit me that the bile, itself, was pure black. I guessed that the putrid, rotted lumps in the black puddle of my bile was the dinner I'd mostly pushed around my plate.

The nosebleed intensified as I was knelt in the middle of nowhere, trapped inside of the boundaries of my weakened body. Carlisle's words came back to me from the day I got messed up in the newborn battle. Vampire venom was a natural blood-thinner, an anticoagulant. When my nose and lips started stinging, I knew the blackness had started leaking out of me another way.

I was so screwed.

And I wasn't sure when or how, but I'd fallen onto my side. Cold had me shivering for the first time since I'd phased. I closed my eyes, straining to curl into a ball so I could try to save my body-heat from the chilled earth. If I didn't have heat, I couldn't phase. If I couldn't phase, I was sure I'd die.

Time passed while I was shivering on the ground, bleeding with no way to stop it. I could tell I was unconscious after a while, when I tried to open my eyes and couldn't. No dreams came to steal me away from the reality of what I'd done. It was like my body had shut down, leaving my brain to panic inside of a dead vessel. I tried to scream for help, to reach for my phone in my pocket. My body ignored me to continue its suffering.

This was it, then. I'd finally reached the end I'd been chasing for months right when I didn't want it anymore. And I felt like such a fool now for thinking I'd ever wanted it.

I shouldn't have taken the therapies. I was being stupid. I regretted it. Edward would have been smart enough not to join me if the Volturi had taken me. He could actually reason through his emotions—unlike me. And I could've found a way out, eventually, however long it took. A bad life was better than no life, Alice was right.

I wished I'd realized that before. I was sorry I hadn't. I was so, so sorry.

My mom would die when my body was found. Maybe it would be of a heart attack, too. Seth would spend the rest of his already tainted youth mourning me. Emily would hate me forever and remember me as a coward. Sam would feel guilty for everything he did that he'd already apologized for and blame himself.

I couldn't bring myself to think about the rest of the pack. I couldn't dare to think about how Billy or Charlie would react, the two men who'd loved my dad the most. All my other cousins would gossip. They would say it was a suicide, but it wasn't.

This was all just a stupid, stupid mistake! I didn't want to die! I wanted to do so much more—I was hoping for so much more. I wanted—

Edward. I didn't want him to take this as his responsibility. I didn't want to do this to him. I wanted to make him proud, to be the strong woman who helped run the pack. I wanted to be a friend he could take pride in. Now, I'd be a source of pain that would remain raw for the rest of his days. Until the world ended.

Would Rosalie forget me after a couple of years? The stupid wolf-girl who'd tempted death time and again before falling straight into it. That was how she'd remember me if she even did centuries from now. How all of the Cullens would remember me. If they ever even thought to remember me. Perfect as their memory was, I was sure out of sight, out of mind, still applied to them.

Uncle Luke would come back into town for my funeral, just like he came back for Dad's to support Mom. He'd definitely be taking in Seth and Mom now, now that I was gone. That was probably why it was Edward by my grave instead of my mom in Alice's vision.

The last of myself began seeping out of my body. Thoughts of shame, of regret and self-loathing, grew fuzzy with a lack of focus. The air was still, expectant for the last little bit of me to come leaking out. Unlike the last time, there were no voices, no presence. My dad's voice wasn't there and I wasn't floating. I was probably too dishonorable to be allowed in the same place as him anymore.

Instead, I could feel myself fading away. My soul was joining an endless nothing. Dying. I was dying. I was dying, dying, dying—

NO!

A burst of panic kicked the frail beating of my heart up into a frenzy. Its weak beating was the only barrier against me and the cold of disappearing.

I had to survive. I wouldn't accept death, especially one without honor, without value. I refused to die that way, to leave behind nothing except for sorrow and hurt.

I pried my eyes open, throwing a sore arm out toward a tree. My trembling fingers dug into the dirt, gaining a good enough grip for me to pull. As a million explosions went off inside of my head, I gave a hard yank.

This time I would be honest. I would tell the people I loved just how much I loved them. I would get a job I liked and work hard for the things I wanted. I wouldn't give up.

I threw my arm out again, yanking myself across the forest floor by a tree root.

I would spend more time with Seth. I would listen to his favorite historical factoids and encourage him instead of calling him lame. I would move with my mom if that's what she wanted, too. I didn't mind San Bernardino that much.

I got to the base of a tree with low-hanging branches, panting, and already all out of the brief burst of energy panic had lended me. My veins burned, my tendons felt like elastic on the verge of snapping. It was down to my determination now. I reached up with a shaking hand.

I would tell Edward that I had feelings for him, that even if it all had meant nothing to him, it had all meant the world to me. I would tell him because I didn't want to die with him never having known everything he meant to me. Everything he'd changed.

I latched onto a branch. With all of my strength, I hoisted myself up, the motion causing me to vomit all over myself. But since I was up, I was able to hook my arms around a couple of branches and focus on phasing.

Heat was a tiny mustard seed in the pit of my stomach, encased in thousands of pounds of ice. I had nothing but my bare hands and sheer will to melt it. And that was enough. It had to be.

I closed my eyes, imagining every tiny thing that had ever pissed me off.

Paul's jeering when I imprinted on Edward. Sam's dismissive attitude when I joined the pack. Rosalie trying to use me to break up Bella and Edward. Jared snapping at me for mourning my dad too much in the pack mind. Seth's busting into my room without knocking all the time—lower on the list, but still valid. Everyone in the pack thinking how I wouldn't last, pitying me because they thought I was going to live in Sam's shadow for the rest of my life.

I wouldn't live in anyone's shadow. In this life, I would walk in light. In fire.

My throat, already singed from the burning, black bile, stung with the ferocity of my screaming. My lungs burned from the air I was keeping from reaching them. Everything burned.

The bark of the tree beneath my arms started to crackle and the greenery close to my feet turned brown. The seed within me had sprouted and the vines of its fire sprawled along every inch of my being.

A shallow breath pushed through my dry lips.

I erupted, using the power of my ancestors to survive. It was a violent, swift thing, volatile to all the plants around me. I'd exceeded the flame I needed to phase, harnessing something closer to a supernova. As I looked around with cleaner eyes and a stronger body, I could see how I'd scorched the earth around me.

The venom was a thick frost in my system before my body accepted it. It wasn't a short process, but it was fast enough to where I couldn't be imagining it. Instead of the slow-burning away I'd experienced the last time I had venom in me, my body found a way to absorb it entirely. The second it did, I phased back and passed out.

Rain sprinkling on my face woke me back up with a weak attempt at Chinese water torture. I opened my eyes, blinking frantically when a raindrop landed straight into my eye. The sun was already up but, from the look of its position, I hadn't missed early morning.

I rolled over with a tired sigh, jumping when I saw the scorch marks stretching out from where I'd been standing when I phased. Old Quil had told us so many old stories of the shapeshifters, but I couldn't remember him mentioning anything like this.

Emily would have a field day with this when she came back. Carlisle would have a few theories about it, too, once he was back from his mystery trip. For now, though, I could make up my own mind about it.

I'd call it impressive willpower, for now. But maybe Paul was right and some higher power really did want me alive.

Well again, except for the lingering fatigue, I picked myself up from the ground, snatching my phone out of shreds of bloody clothing. My luck seemed to have ran out, though, since it was dead.

Time to start tracking my own scent back home.

As I came to a particularly big tree, a heartbeat came within hearing distance. I took caution, using stealth as I went around to see who it was. Smelled like a guy. It turned out to be an older man. He looked homeless and he was dead asleep with a rabbit skin near him and a dirty knife in his hand.

I kicked away his knife before prodding him awake with my foot. He woke up with a startled snore, reaching for the knife he didn't have anymore. After it registered that it was gone, he slapped a hand over his eyes.

"Who are you and why are you naked?" The man asked, his heart racing in his chest. Alcohol was heavy on his breath.

"Oh, right." I looked down at myself, giving a little sniff as my nose ran from the cold. "Crazy rave last night, I'm still trippin'. Hey, do you know where we are?"

He nodded. "Near Whiskey Bend. Fitzhenry Creek is a few feet that-a-way." He pointed with an unsteady hand.

So, I did have a sense of where I was. Good.

"Thanks." I backed away from him and he got up, still covering his eyes. I watched him take off his coat with his eyes screwed shut before he held it up in my direction. "Nah, you need it more than me."

"You're naked, lady!"

I snorted. "I noticed after you mentioned it the first time. Don't worry. I'll find clothes. You keep yours and get the hell out of these woods. There are lions here."

"Yes, ma'am." He went running off, not so much as glancing back at me.

Anyway, I found some clothes hanging on a line near a secluded house. I stole a huge flannel shirt and some socks. The woman inside who was dancing and singing to Prince was none the wiser. A pair of abandoned shoes were nestled in the hollow of a tree that I promptly shoved on my feet. They were roomy but better than nothing. Even if they did have a bit of a mold problem.

I wanted to say that my luck had turned around, but screw that. This was just what happened when I actually tried. I'd make my own luck from now on.

Hitchhiking was my next course of action. The only car that stopped for me was a big truck with a big guy driving it. I told him, "Forks."

And he said, "Hop on in." As he was driving, he kept glancing at my flannel.

It took about six times before I asked, "Wanna picture?"

"Sorry. I just have a shirt exactly like that. Faux leather shoulder-pads and everything."

I shrugged, keeping the nerves off my face. "Funny coincidence."

It was a bit of a drive to Forks, but I didn't mind. When we got there, he parked next to the sidewalk. Whatever was in his truck, Newton's Olympic Outfitters seemed happy to receive. The guy who'd driven me to Forks got a phone call as he was carrying in a box and set off alarm bells in my head.

I hadn't called Alice. And now, because I was in the middle of a bunch of normal people, I had to run slow. I got to the reservation way too slow and stormed into the first cousin's house I could find.

He seemed so happy to see me. "Hey, Leah! Wow! Long time, no see!"

"I know, John, and I'd love to chat, but I'm in dire need of your landline."

He scratched his head, but muttered, "Sure. It's down the hall."

I dialed Alice's number as fast as I could and every ring that came lasted an eternity. When she picked up, I didn't bother with a greeting. "I'm ok. Don't come."

"I know and I'm not." She didn't sound upset. That could be a trap, though. "Did you learn your lesson?" She asked like a smug mom who caught her child with their tongue stuck to a frozen pole. I knew that exact tone due to Seth's rebellious stage in middle school.

I ran a hand through my hair, considering her question. "I did." She started humming, happy, and unperturbed. "How'd you know? How do you always know, even when you're not supposed to be able to?"

"You're so predictable that I hardly need visions to deal with you. By the way, I took away the set of vials that would've killed you the second I had the vision, silly."

I should've guessed that. I was a little embarrassed I hadn't. "Anything else you'd like to reveal?"

"You making your choice was integral. The other sets of vials would have done different things. Somehow, you always seem to accidentally make the right choices. You're quite special that way, you know. Keep it up."

"I'll try my best to keep doing things by accident."

She gave a jolly little laugh. "Perfect! I would also like to say that I appreciate the fact that you stick with your decisions. It makes my life a lot easier."

"You could've made my life a lot easier by warning me, Alice."

She huffed. "You're welcome for saving your life."

"Thank you, but that really sucked," I said, my throat tightening as I muffled a sniff by wiping my nose. "A lot."

"I'm sorry, Leah. I wish you hadn't had to go through any of it, but I couldn't risk disrupting the future. I can't see you well enough to pick and choose so much and I had to make sure last night happened. I hope you'll trust me when I say that it was all necessary for a better future."

So, this was what she'd been waiting for? I guessed venom tolerance couldn't hurt. "I trust you—sometimes, more than I trust myself." She'd played it really smart with those vials.

A flattered giggle filtered through the phone. "As it should be!"

"Yeah, you sold it with the whole whispering 'I miss you' thing. That and Seth telling me to back off of the doses did the trick."

"Oh, you heard that?" She sounded shocked. Then, she became very quiet. "Did that change your mind about something?"

I laughed. "Stop playing around. You know it was what made me decide to use portion control."

"Interesting. It's a good thing you heard that then." What she said next was more like a distant mumble. "I thought the warning was what did it. I could've sworn... Guesswork is sloppy work, Alice. You know that."

"Uh, hello? Do I get to know what you're talking about?"

"Ah, it's not important! What's important is that you survived and you're stronger for it. Anyway, we'll speak again in few days, Lee-Lee."

"Wait—" She hung up on me. I hung up the phone and turned around to see John watching with a worried expression. "So, how're the kids? You still make that killer cherry pie?"

He always got distracted when people asked him about his baked goods. "Sit down. I'm gonna cook you something that made Emily jealous."

"Gladly." I ended up eating dessert for breakfast with him and his kids.

On my walk home, full of pie and milk, I listened to the pack members in their different houses. Embry and his mom were ignoring each other again, so I guessed they'd had another fight. Quil was finishing eating, but he called Embry. Jared was cuddling with Kim at her house as she talked about how excited she was to have their own wedding someday. Brady was modeling for Collin who was complaining that he kept moving too much. By the smell of it, Seth was home. He was silent, though, and unmoving.

I sped up, getting home fast to see if he was ok. The answer turned out to be...kinda?

Seth was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. It wasn't on. "You ok, buddy?"

He looked up at me like he was in a daze. "Huh? When'd you get here, Leah? Weren't you gone?"

"I was. And now I'm back." He blinked owlishly at me and I crossed my arms. "Did anyone call?"

"The phone rang a couple times earlier. I didn't answer," he replied, his face draining of its color. "I was distracted." Before I could respond, he got up and ran up to his room.

I listened to the familiar sound of his door slamming shut. "Give me a hint or I'll get worried and tell Mom to check on you."

"Nate has a sister. I've never even seen him talk to a girl at the program before, but he has a sister."

"Why's that something to be so upset over?" He didn't answer. "Was it Lana or something?" His heart sped up in his chest when I uttered her name. "Did she assault you?"

"What? No! She just—she's—we're dating now and I'm picking her up on my bicycle later tonight."

I ran upstairs, busting into his room with no regard. It always felt good to return him that favor. "How?"

"I don't know! I walked in and Lana was there. She looked surprised to see me, too, but then their dad came into the room and she kissed me. She introduced him to me as her boyfriend and her dad is the vice principal at school. I panicked. Next thing I knew, I was saying that it was nice to formally meet him and that I thought his daughter was amazing." My jaw literally fell open. "I know!"

"She actually got you to go out with her. I can't believe it." I crossed my arms, leaning against his doorframe. "I gotta hand it to her, she made a smart move."

"Ugh!" He groaned and fell back on his bed.

I snickered. "Calm down. It's one date. She'll lose interest after that and if she doesn't, we're moving anyway."

"You're on board with that now? You can't be serious!"

I shrugged. "Mom has supported us through things that would have made any other parent go crazy. It's time for us to support her a little in return."

He was quiet at that, mulling over my change of heart. I guessed he was fine with it since he went back to our previous topic. "I just hope my imprint doesn't hate me for going on a date with another girl."

"Of course, she won't. She won't hate you for any reason."

He said without thinking, "Unless she's a vampire. Then, she'll hate me no matter what and I'll never get to be with her." About three seconds passed before he shot up with a red face. "I'm so sorry! I'm an idiot!"

"As much as I love to hear you acknowledge your true heritage of idiocy, it's fine. I'm actually gonna go see Edward when he comes back." It'd be even easier to tell Edward how I felt now that I was moving.

"Why?"

"It's not important." I smiled to myself as I remembered Edward laughing with me in his room, his eyes lighting up. "Well, not to him. To me, it is."

"You're being weird," he accused.

I shrugged again, pushing off from the doorframe back onto both my feet. "I had a weird night." While I still had his attention, I said, "I love you, Seth. I couldn't have asked the gods for a better brother than you. And thank you for insisting I didn't take another dose yesterday."

He got up, unable to stop himself from giving me a hug. "I love you, too. I'm glad you listened."

"I do listen to you sometimes," I said as I patted his back.

"Yeah, sometimes," he agreed cheerfully.

I left him to mope after the ooey-gooey moment and got busy with my day. After charging my phone, I had a lot of calls to return I got around to them all and dropped off the letter for the old woman who insisted on making my life harder.

My mom was easily convinced that I was fine when she came back from work with a few questions. She got right back to packing again. With no one else having any other reason to approach me, I was left with an open schedule.

I took a long nap in my room to try and get rid of the exhaustion from my destructive phase. I didn't wake up again until the sun had set. And what better sight to wake up to than my mom peering through my door like a creepy stalker?

"What the hell?" I sat up, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my palm. "Why?"

"I was just making sure. You gave me a scare last night. I thought you'd run away or something," she said, opening my door wider.

The light of the hallway bathed my room in an orange tint, my plants casting odd shadows on the walls. "Can it be running away if you're not a minor?"

"You know what I mean."

"I wouldn't leave you and Seth, Mom. I'd have to die for that to happen." Nearly did, but as Alice had said, that wasn't the important part. "I'll text you the next time I stay out."

She lingered in my doorway even after my assurance. I was sure she could tell something happened. It was a sixth sense of hers to know when I'd screwed up big-time. But she didn't ask. I wasn't sure why until I remembered what I'd been thinking earlier about why we were moving. She knew she couldn't ask me for mine without sharing hers.

"I trust you."

I got, walking over to give her a hug. "Thank you. I trust you, too. So does Seth. We're both ok with you wanting to leave, if that's what you really want."

She chuckled against my shoulder, hugging me tight. "We'll stay. I was overreacting anyhow."

"I doubt it."

"You're right. I wasn't. I was going through something valid and overwhelming, but I shouldn't have let it affect you two. It's over now and I'm ready to be positive and happy with my life again."

"Whatever you decide, Seth and I are here for you. We love you and we're ready to move or stay," I said as I pulled out of the hug. "I'm going on a walk to clear my head, though. I'll be back in about a half an hour and I'll take my phone with me."

She nodded with a smile that reached her eyes. "You're different today."

"Different how?"

"You're less like my little girl. I can see the wonderful woman you've become." She patted my cheek. "I'm proud of you, Leah. You've shown so much maturity and strength lately. Helping plan the weddings, leading the pack while Sam is gone. It's such a privilege to watch you and your brother grow into remarkable people."

My chest filled with warm fuzzies, an unstoppable smile plastering itself onto my face. "Thanks, Mom."

She stepped out of my way. "I'm only stating the facts. Be quiet when coming back in, I'll be asleep."

"Understood." I jogged down the stairs, unsurprised when Seth hopped off the couch to follow me. He spoke only of Lana on our walk, which attracted Collin. He hadn't known, so he made a big deal about it.

For once, their stupid conversations didn't annoy me. I was glad I was alive to even hear Collin ask my little brother if he'd gone to second base with a girl.

To a point. "I'll strangle both of you if you keep talking about this crap."

"Thank you," Seth said, pale with horror from Collin's crude questioning.

Collin sulked. "Fine."

"Catch me up. Did I miss anything while I was on my run last night?" The official story was I stayed out all night to think about stuff.

"Nope. I heard Billy was up late talking to Peter, though."

"I don't trust that guy," Collin muttered under his breath, his expression turning sour. "He's into some weird stuff, I just know it. Paul said he saw him performing a satanic ritual in Rebecca's room the other night."

"Stop being so gullible," I scolded him, hoping Seth took what he'd said with a grain of salt.

"I'm dead serious, Leah. I bumped into him accidentally—"

"Accidentally," Seth and I repeated in unison, sharing skeptical smirks.

"Yes, accidentally, and he dropped a brown paper bag he was holding. Candles fell out and chalk and a plastic tub full of glittery stuff, too." Collin started to get a little jumpy, flinching at the sound of a stag breaking into a run a few miles off.

I was going to have to hit Paul later.

I put a hand on the dumb child's back as a bit of comfort. "He's an English professor and he loves to bring in actual objects from the stories he's talking about."

"He does," Seth confirmed.

"Or, on the more realistic hand, he's hiding that he's an actual descendent from our magic using ancestors and is using black magic." I smacked Collin upside the head then. "Ow! You're so gonna regret that later when you find out he's an evil satan-worshipper!"

"If you'd been alive during the Salem Witch Trials, you would've sent a lot of innocent women to their deaths." Seth nodded in agreement and Collin rush to defend himself.

It was nice being able to tease Collin again and—oh my God, he'd never let me live that thought down.

The rest of the night was easy and even a little fun. Collin left when it got too late and Seth crashed hard in his room. I did something I hadn't done since he was little. I climbed into the bed with him, curling up into a ball beside him for a while while he was knocked out.

Tears drew horizontal lines across my face as I thought about how different this night could've been. This was the first time I'd ever cried out of relief.

I pressed a hand to his back, feeling the comforting beating of his heart before climbing out of bed to go downstairs. I had more wedding planning to do. Somewhere in the middle of it, I must've fallen asleep, though, because I woke up with a start to a blue-shaded room.

The sun had started rising again, beginning another day. There was only one heartbeat upstairs. Mom was probably already at work since she started taking extra shifts to help fund the move.

I rubbed my eyes, fighting off a yawn—

"What were you thinking?" A beautiful voice asked me, one I recognized all too well.

I shifted my eyes from the blue light flooding the kitchen to the darker spot toward my head. As I sat up on the couch, the blanket I didn't remember pulling onto myself last night slid down into my lap.

Edward was in a dining room chair at the side of the couch, positioned to where he could've watched me sleep. He was pale, that fact emphasized by the black suit he was wearing like he was in mourning. His left hand was balled up, hanging by his side.

I needed to be sure this wasn't a dream. "Who let you in?"

"Your mother before she left for work. What were you thinking?" He asked again, his voice going from a lovely song to a furious hiss.

"About what?" I asked, my voice high and thin like a scared little girl's. Of course, I already knew what.

The hand that had been balled up throughout the short conversation flew up to my face. I flinched away at the same time as it opened. The small vials I'd hidden in my underwear drawer were fractured in his palm, some of the darkness inside of them staining his white hand.


A/N: AH! I'm late and a lot of things happened in this chapter! I'm sorry if this sucks. I edited this a million times, but don't worry if you're worrying. Next chapter will deliver more on the romance side of things, y'all. It's gonna be good! The fluff is coming! So, enjoy all these grammatical mistakes I didn't catch because there are more coming your way soon!

I'm living for your predictions. They're amazing and fun and some of them are pretty accurate in some ways lol. Thank you for caring enough to theorize and thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews. I've been struggling to write lately because of irl drama and the reviews remind me to come back and continue what I love doing. See you all very soon. I hope haha.