Chapter 3
Panic
The expansive vastness of the void filled me with mind numbing awe, but also spine chilling fear. It gripped me, tightening my chest, making it impossible to breathe. Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen in this inky blackness, or more likely, the absence of lungs or a mouth with which to breathe with.
I have no physical form here, in this place. As the panic subsided, I realized I did not need to breathe. A sense of calm washed over me, stilling my rapidly beating heart, or I guess what should have been my heart, instead was just a vibration within my very being. I could feel my blood pumping through non-existent veins and arteries, which had me once more on the brink of panic. Teetering on the edge, I felt another presence brush against my own, and I was given form.
Another pawn in their game.
The voice was cool, clear, and feminine. There was an accent I couldn't place, and while my eyes searched for the source of the calming voice, there was no one around to be seen. Only darkness. Only emptiness.
You are not alone.
"Who are you?" I called out, my voice harsh and demanding.
There was no answer this time.
Everything was still. Quiet. Unsettling.
Despite my best attempts to make the rest of the week boring and slow, it flew by. I felt my anxiety growing every minute we got closer to departure.
Due to my change in position at The Galaxias Project, the rest of my work was pushed off to someone else, and I had to go through rigorous tests and treatments to make sure I was ready for the journey. Everything from psychological evaluations, range of motion tests, eyesight, swim tests, and even strength tests. Then came the vaccinations and medical evaluations. While my fingers were crossed for a bad diagnosis that would result in six months of bed rest and no space adventures, I was unfortunately in perfect health and of sound enough mind to endure the journey. Shit.
The day finally came, and despite my best efforts, the anxiety was getting the better of me. I didn't even sleep the last two nights because my heart was beating so loud in my ears I thought I was dying. Almost wish I was dying so I wouldn't have to do this. At least a heart attack is probably less painful or scary as exploding in an experimental aircraft, or freezing to death in the vacuum of space, or even slowly suffocating from lack of oxygen. I've thought about this perhaps a little too much, but I can't help it. I won't even get on a fucking airplane or a boat because the possibilities and unknowns and lack of control are too much for me to handle. I start to spiral and lose myself in a confused mess of tears. It's kind of pathetic actually.
The nightmares got worse each night, but in all of them there was a through line which consisted of me dying in some brutal way. Sometimes it's a horrible accident, usually involving the stretch ship, other times it's at the hands of a hulking wolven figure, my blood covering his face and claws after having ripped me apart.
I know Marco tells me things are peaceful on Adastra and I want to believe him, but I do not believe in this divine intervention theory he's got mom, and a large proportion of humanity sold on. Sounds like a cult to me. I can't take the word of supposed gods manipulating events to stop some unknown force called "the Other" from taking over the universe thousands of years from now. It's just too far fetched for me to jump on board. In a tumultuous political landscape like the wolves have, eight years are not enough to enact radical change and create peace.
"What ya thinking about?" Marco asks me as we're being laced into our spacesuits.
"Huh? Oh nothing. Just focusing," I reply, trying to wipe the worried expression I know was there, off my face.
"I can tell you're stressed. It's going to be okay. As soon as we break the atmosphere, you can just go to sleep or something."
"Yeah, I plan on it. I haven't slept in two days," I tell him, wiping the nervous sweat off my brow.
"Well, once we get there you'll be able to relax and realize you've got nothing to be afraid of."
He gave me that huge megawatt smile of his and turned his attention back to the technician getting his suit on him. I took a deep breath to calm myself, to no effect. My heart hammered, and the sweat was pouring off of me.
The suits don't take too long to put on, and then we're walking into the field where the ship sits in the center of a large cement pad. Dozens of engineers and scientists run to and fro making sure all the last minute tweaks and checks are complete.
"Lift off will be in nine minutes and forty-eight seconds. You can go ahead and get comfortable in the cockpit," one of the scientists barked at us and we moved towards the ship.
It was a sleek, futuristic design. I've seen it several times in passing, but only ever photographs or conceptual artwork in-office. Being here, standing face-to-face with the first true warp drive ship that will take humanity- no me, specifically, to an alien world. The chrome paint job reflects all the surroundings back so it looks like a car shaped mirror, but for the solid black glass shield that sat over the front. As we approached, butterfly style doors lifted into the air and the internal upholstery was a stark white contrasted with black trim, and details. There were only two seats, but no steering wheel like in a traditional car, instead the dashboard was lit up with several displays and indicators for different things.
"How do we fly it?" I asked, sliding into the plush leather seat on the right. Marco took the left.
"Well there are manual controls, but it's mostly gonna run on autopilot," Marco replied, sliding his finger over one of the controls, eliciting a compartment to slide open, revealing a stick, almost like a joystick on a controller.
"Is that safe?"
"Of course it's safe. We have access to the full nexus now and navigational data from thousands of years from the other siblings. We will be able to just sit back, relax and enjoy the in-flight entertainment." He poked something in the console and a list of movies appeared.
"I'll probably just try to sleep. You go ahead."
"Take off is in one minute," coms voice called throughout the ship, and the surrounding area where the scientists scrambled.
"Alright, strap in and doors closed," Marco said, poking me in the side.
"Two steps ahead of you," I reply, pulling the safety harness that I already strapped on when I sat down.
The doors slid closed, and I felt another panic attack coming.
"Shit, I can't do this Marc."
"You'll be okay, just breathe," he answered, patting my shoulder as he snapped his safety harness into place.
"I send you are in distress, James. Would you like a stress tablet?" Com asked.
"No."
"Are you sure? Your heart rate is beating at an average rate of-"
"Shut the fuck up and get me the hell out of here," I snapped.
"I'm sorry, takeoff protocol has already been initiated and the doors cannot be opened until we land," Com said, his voice too calm.
"Fuck, GET ME OUT OF HE—"
The ship, as well as my stomach, lurched as the engines flared to life and we lifted into the sky. I felt dizzy and my skin was soaked in the suit. As we rocketed through the atmosphere, the ship shook violently and I felt like I was going to vomit, but I didn't. Eventually, the overwhelming stress took me, and I lost consciousness.
"Are you quite sure it's okay?" A female voice spoke. There was an accent there I couldn't place.
"He's been out cold the entire trip. Probably for the best if I'm honest," Marco said to the female.
My eyes shot open, panic flooding me veins once more.
"WHATS HAPPENING?" I shout.
"Whoa, calm down. We're here. We just landed," Marco was rubbing a hand across my shoulder, trying to calm me.
My vision was blurry, but I could tell the other figure standing beside Marc wasn't human. There was dark grey fur, and a garment of white and red that she wore like a sash.
"James, this is Virginia. Virginia, this is James. He's going to be your first human ambassador."
"Well, then it's a pleasure to meet you," the she-wolf said, cooly extending a paw in front of my face.
I looked up at her, as she waited for me to do whatever she wanted me to do, and she peeled back her lips into a smile, but all I could see were the long pointed canine teeth, perfect for ripping out someone's throat, and I felt a sense that if I didn't do whatever it is she wanted me to do correctly, if I made some kind of cultural mistake and offended her, she'd be at my throat in a second.
