Sidestory - Humanity's Survival Guidance
A soft voice: Eren…
A shrill voice: EREN…
Armin shaking Eren: WAKE UP ALREADY!
Eren wakes up. All the other male cadets of the 104th class are already up, dressed and anxiously chatting between each other in their quarters.
Eren barely conscious: What… Armin? What is it?
Armin excited: Don't you know what is happening today?!
Eren confused getting up: Huh? What's going on? It's still dark… why is everyone up?
Armin: Geez Eren… have you not read the syllabus?
Eren: The what?
Jean: Why do you even try Armin? Are we sure that idiot can even read?
Eren pissed: What?!
Marco: Guys calm down, remember what day today is.
Connie anxious: How are you so calm Marco… I'm losing my mind here…
Reiner is brooding with Bertholdt by his side.
Bertholdt: Calm down Reiner, you are overthinking this.
Reiner: No Bertholdt… today is the day… today Krista will be mine.
Eren annoyed: What is going on? what are you talking about?!
Armin: Today… is the 7th lesson of the Humanity's Survival Guidance class
Everyone is looking at themselves anxious and blushed
Eren confused: You are like this… for a lesson?
Jean with a serious look: It's not just a lesson… is what I've been waiting for my whole life…
Jean makes a dramatic pose: TO LEARN…. ABOUT REPRODUCTION!
Eren confused: Eh…
Marco: The lesson is about how to make babies Eren.
Eren: Oh…
Jean is still in pose; Connie to Jean: Yeah better calm down Jean, you can't learn to be handsome…
Jean falls over: Shut up Connie
Marco: I'm sure you'll learn something Jean, you sure need it…
Jean: Thank you Marco... wait what?
Eren still confused: Why is there a lesson about this? What does it have to do with killing titans?
Armin: Eren, we are here as hope to humanity… and part of that is preserving humanity… so we have the duty to keep civilization alive… by giving it new sons and daughters.
Eren: eh… ok?
Jean: I can't stand how dumb you are Eren, you can easily kill all the titans by how hard your head is.
Eren: Yeah? Maybe my head will save your ass from getting eaten then!
Reiner: Only you two idiots can fight in a day like this… don't you get it? Today…
Reiner with a fearsome and determined look: We will learn to master the ladies!
Reiner shouting: I'LL CONQUER KRISTA TODAY! ONCE AND FOR ALL! AND YOU! BERTHOLDT! YOU WILL CONQUER ANNIE AS WELL! IT'S OUR DUTY!
Bertholdt and Armin are shocked.
Bertholdt blushing: W…what the hell Reiner! You are acting insane!
Franz: You are all acting insane guys.
Jean: Well of course you are the only one calm today.
Connie: I wonder what the girls are thinking about this…
Reiner's eyes open: THAT'S IT. We need to prepare our strategy! We have to survey the prey! Let's go to the girls' quarters!
Reiner grabs Bertholdt and drags him out. The rest follow them.
Armin: Eren COME ONE!
Eren: But breakfast… Armin drags him along.
The guys slowly approach the girls' quarters, being careful to not get caught. Eren is unwillingly following them…
The girls start to leave their quarters… most of them are anxiously chatting.
Reiner whispering: Look! They are talking about the class too.
Mina, Hanna, Sasha and Krista are all talking, Ymir alongside Krista not paying attention to what they are saying; Mikasa is walking by herself with Annie closely following her from behind.
Jean to himself: Mikasa… I'll make you forget that idiot…
Bertholdt and Armin are trying to hide that they are checking Annie…
Reiner is giving Krista a death stare: Krista… you will be mine… even if I have to kill Ymir…
Marco is entertained watching the guys…
Franz walks past them: Guys, you are taking this way too seriously…
Franz approaches the girls and gets hugged by Hanna.
Jean, Connie, Armin, Bertholdt and Reiner are pissed.
Jean: Fucking hate that guy…
Eren: Guys can we go to get breakfast now?
An hour later – The classroom
The cadets are already in their seats, uncommonly on time. The tension is palpable, almost everyone is blushing and not speaking to each other.
Mikasa is calmly waiting for the class to start… occasionally looking sideways at Eren.
Armin is fidgeting with a pencil in his hand, ready to start taking notes.
Eren is dozing off in his seat.
Instructor Shadis suddenly enters the classroom: CADETS!
All of them stand up and put the fists in their hearts, feeling anxious.
Shadis: All right, you are all in time. That means you understand the importance of today's lesson.
We are the last hope of humanity… but the main duty of every human being who is born into this world… is to keep humanity and civilization alive… you are learning to give your lives for humanity… but you must also learn how to keep it alive… and the only way is… to give civilization more warriors and heroes… so…
He hits the board with a pointer: YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO REPRODUCE.
All the girls gasp and the guys take a big gulp
Shadis: Right… all of you are morons… you probably think human infants come from storks or something stupid like that… you will learn right now how it actually happens, so you can't ruin your chances at reproduction by being stupid idiots. So first, you will learn about human anatomy.
Shadis starts to draw an anatomically correct human male figure in the board.
All the girls blushing intensely and start to chat.
Shadis: Shut up. Now. This is a human male, I understand for you to be surprised, there are just a bunch of maggots here posing as your comrades. As you see the male is different from you, specifically in the groin area.
Ymir smirks at the lesson: All you guys must be feeling so insecure right now, a bunch of girls thinking how small your cocks are…
Shadis: Nameless butch! I know you probably don't care about this, but keep your mouth shut, the rest of your comrades are trying to learn something.
Krista: Ymir please… this is actually interesting… don't interrupt.
Ymir feeling annoyed: Tsk… fine. Just don't pay TOO much attention to this Krista.
Annie is acting uninterested… but she is actually very interested… and embarrassed too.
Sasha is in the back, eating a long and smooth piece of bread… she puts the entirety of the bread in her mouth taking big bites…
Mina very blushed: Sasha… please stop eating.
Sasha confused: Huh? Why? It has never bothered you on previous occasions…
Mina getting flustered: I know… but please… STOP EATING THAT.
Sasha is very confused… but she feels someone is looking at her… she turns her head and sees Jean and Connie staring at her… drooling
Sasha starts to get scared: Huh?!
Mikasa is trying to stay calm as she is taking notes, but she is slightly blushed… she can't stop taking peeks at Eren…
Shadis: All right, now for the female human.
Reiner shouting: YES!
Shadis: Braun… I won't teach you how to get girls if that is what you are thinking. You need to learn that yourself. I suggest that you don't get your hopes too high.
Reiner is shocked.
Shadis starts to draw an anatomically correct female human figure. Almost all the guys start to get nosebleeds; the girls are blushed and start to cover themselves up.
Eren is still very uninterested in the lesson: Hey Armin, what time does this end?... Armin?
Armin is intensely taking notes and cannot hear anything that Eren is saying.
Mikasa is feeling a bit self-conscious about the descriptions of the female body.
Ymir is blushing at that part of the lesson and completely silent; Krista finds this funny.
Marco and Jean notice that Hanna and Franz have been completely calm and cool during the whole lesson.
Jean: What the hell? How are you guys so calm?
Franz and Hanna blush.
Franz: Well… none of this… is actually new for us…
Hanna giggles and takes Franz' hand
Marco and Jean are shocked.
Jean tearing up: Bastard, why him? He is just a taller Connie…
Shadis: Now that you know what humans actually are, now you will learn how we actually reproduce.
Shadis starts to draw in the board a representation of copulation.
The girls scream and the guys start to shoot blood from their nose… except Eren who is confused by the outrage…
Evening – Men's quarters
All the guys are shaken and deep in thought by the lesson, not what they expected at all. Very graphic and uncomfortable…
Reiner brooding: So… I only get the tools… but I have to learn to use them myself…
Bertholdt: Take it easy Reiner…
Reiner: We must accomplish our mission… no matter what…
Bertholdt getting nervous: What… are you talking about?
Reiner excitedly: What you mean what I'm talking about?! Conquering Krista that's what! But… now I have to plan the strategy myself… the instructor has refused to impart the clue to a woman's heart…
Marco: He probably doesn't know either hehe.
Jean in a corner: That didn't help me at all… dammit!
Armin excited: I actually found it fascinating guys, anatomy is really cool and the actual processes involved in human reproduction are incredible!
Connie: Only you can be excited about something like that Armin… I didn't understand a thing…
Marco: I wonder how each of the girls feel like about the lesson, all of us have different takes about it… look at Eren.. he doesn't care at all…
Eren: It was pretty boring…
Reiner eyes open: Wait… that's it… a recognition of each of the subjects…
Reiner stands up: OKAY GUYS! WE ARE EVALUATING EACH OF THE GIRLS TO FIND THEIR WEAKNESSES AND FIND THE MOST SUITED PARTNER FOR THEM
Bertholdt putting his hand in his face: Reiner…
Connie, Jean and Marco are excited about the idea.
Reiner: Come one guys, if we do this we can create a plan to conquer our potential mate.
Bertholdt: You talk like we are animals…
Reiner: Shut up Bertholdt you know you want to participate… all right. We are starting with the girls bodies… who has the best rack in our class…
Connie, Jean, Marco, Bertholdt and Reiner are chatting, Franz is soundly asleep, Eren is laying in his bed with Armin sitting by him, outraged by what the rest were doing.
Armin: I can't believe you are talking about our comrades like this.
Jean: Looks who is talking… you sure were taking notes like a crazy person in the class, blushed and all. Don't think I didn't see you constantly peeking your notes…
Armin getting red: It's… just interesting that's all!
The guys are chatting while Eren is quietly laying in his bed, unwillingly listening…
So Krista is the absolute best, she is at the top in everything: face, hair, breasts, ass…
She is quite short though…
You don't like that? You must like Ymir then…
NO WAY! How could anyone like her… she doesn't even like guys…
What about Sasha?
Who can be interested in that idiot? She does have a nice face though, too bad that it's Sasha's
Oh come one… Sasha is cute… in a wild animal type of way…
She would probably eat you whole…
And that's a bad thing?
Holy shit haha
Who's next… Annie.
Big nose… nice body though. Nice hair too
She is way too mean unfortunately, tough luck Bertholdt
Yeah… I'm actually kinda scared to talk about her… she might be spying us…
I think she is not really that tough… I can see a lot of sensitivity in her eyes…
So you were actually listening huh Armin? Look out Bertholdt, Armin is chasing your girl.
I'm just saying she is not a monster!
Next! Mikasa! Pretty nice face… she is quite scary too though.
I think she is cute… too bad she cut her hair though... don't you agree Jean?
Y…yeah.
She has a really nice body… it's kinda intimidating, she is probably in better shape than all of us combined.
Have you seen her abs? You can cut diamonds in those things…
Guys… should we... be talking about her? Eren is right here you know?
That clueless idiot doesn't care. Isn't that right Eren?
Eren is still laying quietly in his bed. He is pretty annoyed. But feeling a bit awkward too.
Eren: You are all just talking shit like pathetic losers. I don't care.
The guys keep talking to each other… meanwhile Armin looks at Eren concerned…
Armin: Eren… does it really not bother you that they are talking about Mikasa in that way?
Eren with a blank expression: Why should it? They are just being stupid.
Armin getting flustered: You can be so frustrating Eren… I don't understand how Mikasa can keep her feelings for you…
Eren puzzled: Feelings? What you mean?
Armin even more stressed: Really? You are so dense Eren, it's insane.
Eren even more confused: I don't understand what you mean
Armin feeling defeated: Forget it… but… can you do something for me?
Eren: What?
Armin scheming: Tomorrow at training… look at Mikasa.
Eren confused: Look at her? What are you talking about? I see her every day.
Armin getting frustrated: I mean REALLY look at her. From head to toes… a long… deep look at her. You understand?
Eren getting stressed: No. I would look like I'm insane or something.
Armin getting hysterical: Can you… for once… JUST DO WHAT I SAY?! JUST DO IT!
Eren: Fine geez… seriously all of you have lost your minds today…
Meanwhile – The girls' quarters
All the girls are sitting in a circle discussing the lesson and the boys of their class…
Annie is laying in her bed, pretending to ignore the discussion.
Ymir is sitting in the bed playing with Krista's hair.
Krista, Hanna, Mina, Sasha and Mikasa are all sitting in the floor in a circle.
Krista is happily listening and giving her opinion… which irks Ymir.
Sasha is eating a block of cheese sitting next to Mikasa, who is listening the discussion… not saying anything.
Mina: So... let's discuss the guys at our class. Except for Franz Hanna… we have heard enough of you talking about him.
Let's start with Marco. He seems like a good guy, quiet and smart. He would make a good husband.
Yeah I agree, he is a bit too quiet though, I would like for him to talk more to us.
Nom nom nom.
Sasha can you eat… more silently?
Nom, nom… no.
Next… Jean… well… he has nice hair…
He is a damn idiot.
He tries way too hard… it's so off putting.
Yeah… he is not bad looking… too bad his personality ruins it. What you think Mikasa?
He bothers me…
He sure does… he has a massive crush on you. It kinda makes me sad.
Like I said… an idiot. Who else would fall for the gloomy overachiever here?
Don't be mean Annie. It's not her fault… it's not Jean's fault either I guess…
What about Connie?
He is fun! Nom nom
Oh? You like him Sasha?
No, nom, nom, I don't see any of our fellow comrades in such a way…
Yeah… if Sasha is marrying someone it would probably be a cook or something…
OH?! It would depend on the food I believe… the dishes would need to be of the upmost excellence…
Stop talking like that dammit, you are making me insane.
Ymir calm down… we are all having fun.
Tsk. This is stupid.
What you think of Reiner?
Creep.
HAHA He sure is, he stares at you all the time Krista.
Really? I haven't noticed haha
I have… that fucker is getting his throat slit one of these days…
He is pretty well built… I kinda like that.
Whoa… that was unexpected…
Hey…I'm just saying…
So who's next… Armin. Eh…
He is cute… super smart… that's pretty attractive in a guy…
But… is he a guy?
That's mean.
Sorry Mikasa, I know he is your best friend… but… can you really deny that?
He can easily pass for Krista if he puts on a dress.
HAHAHAHA IT'S SO TRUE! Maybe I can marry a guy after all…
Pretty quiet Annie… that's interesting.
I… am just bored of this.
Yeah right… talking about you what about Bertholdt, he has a massive crush on you.
Yeah…
He is pretty shy… he seems to be hiding something
RIGHT? I thought so too… can't think of what though… he seems pretty nice.
He likes art did you know that? He has a notebook full of drawings and writing.
That's cool! Too bad he is very detached…
And finally… Eren.
Mikasa's eyes open up.
Mina: Well… maybe we should skip him. Mikasa is here haha
Mikasa blushes a bit.
Ymir: He is the biggest idiot of all. Dumb as a rock.
Hanna: Oh come one… he is just… coldhearted.
Mina: He is pretty crazy really… he is so different from the rest.
Krista: Yeah, he is pretty determined though… no wonder Mikasa loves him.
Mikasa blushes: He is… family.
Mina: Oh come on Mikasa, nobody buys that. Not even you, look how red you are.
Ymir: Except that idiot. He sure buys that.
Hanna: Have you noticed how he is the only guy that treats us girls like we were friends?
Mina: Yeah I've noticed that. He doesn't hit on anyone. Or even pay attention to us girls. He seems pretty uninterested really. It's pretty strange.
Krista: Well… you can say… he is truly and completely faithful to the only girl he actually pays attention to. What you think Mikasa?
Mikasa is getting very red. She is speechless.
Annie: Oh come on… he is just an idiot. He has no place in that crazy mind of his for something like that.
In any case he sure likes to spar with me… maybe I'm not getting the message?
Mikasa looks at Annie with anger.
Sasha lovingly puts her arm around Mikasa: Don't let this unsensitive minx play with your mind Mikasa. You are more than enough for Eren. Just look at yourself.
You have the best body of all of us. You are truly a top example of a woman. I believe Krista's words. It makes sense. You two are like bread and butter. Meant for each other.
Mikasa looks down very blushed and faintly smiles. She grabs Sasha's hand…
The next day
Eren approaches the training courtyard… and remembers he promised Armin to look at Mikasa, so he sits down in a bench and starts to look at her.
Eren to himself: This is so stupid what am I doing? I have seen her train a million times.
Mikasa is stretching and doing sit ups and squats.
Eren: I don't get it.
He starts to look at everything Mikasa is doing. His mind starts to calm down.
Wow… she looks very strong. She is all muscle. I must train more… no wonder she is always mothering me…
Mikasa takes a break to drink water
Hmm… I never noticed… she is pretty tall for a girl…
Mikasa sits down. She looks at the sky at a flock of birds flying by… the sun shines in her eyes and face…
She… does have… a nice face… and eyes… why… am I thinking this?
Mikasa strokes her hair.
Why… did I tell her to cut her hair? All the other girls have long hair… it never bothered them… why… did I ask her to cut it? I… do like… how it is now… is… that why?
Eren feels hot. He is getting blushed.
Mikasa notices Eren is looking at her and approaches him.
Eren gets nervous
Why am I nervous? What the hell is happening?
Mikasa: Eren… you shouldn't be slacking… you could get punished.
Eren: y..yeah. I was just heading to train…
Eren and Mikasa look at each other in the eye.
Mikasa: Are you alright? You seem ill…
Eren getting blushed: It…It's the heat.
They look at each other in silence for a moment.
Mikasa notices Eren's face has changed. He is showing anxiety… and pain. Like he is keeping something inside…
Mikasa tries to say something but nothing comes out of her mouth… she starts to get blushed too…
Eren anxiously: W... well, I'm heading off… see you later… Mikasa.
Eren walks off. Mikasa is paralyzed not knowing what to say or do.
Eren: I… can't. Snap out of it. Just forget about this. She is already way too concerned about you… I can't... put her in even more danger… because of me… there is no place… for something like this…
Mikasa: Eren… could it… really be?
Armin was seeing everything from afar. He is slightly smiling.
Armin: Hmm… I guess I didn't had to worry after all… it's just… a matter of time.
