OverShadowed

No-one came to see him yesterday. But then, why would they?

Ralsei sat at the foot of his bed, knees tucked into his chest, hugging himself tightly, glassy eyes staring at a dark, unfurnished corner of the room. He wasn't quite certain how long he'd been there for, when he last ate, when he last slept. A deep darkness loomed in his mind, casting its dreadful pall over his thoughts, his memories. It hung upon his form like the web of some gargantuan spider, heavy and viscous. It felt like he couldn't move. But then, he didn't exactly want to. There was something strangely delicious about it, a luxurious, velvet-like quality to his melancholy that soothed him, even as it ravaged his thoughts and tainted his most precious memories.

He probably ought to have been pleased. And indeed he had been, for a short while. She seemed like a natural fit for the team, even though she wasn't one of the prophesised heroes, and her abilities were… well, she was gifted, there was no other word for it. The rational side to him knew he was being ridiculous, that it was all in his head. But no logic, no matter how sound, could hold raw emotion at bay for very long, and the longer he ruminated on it, the more insistently the ravenous crow of jealousy tugged at the strings of his frail heart, unravelling it faster and faster until, before he'd even realised what was happening…

…and now, here he was. His entire world, everything he thought he knew…

…who was Ralsei, really?

A prince.

A darkner.

A friend…?

…alone.

He hugged himself tighter, so tight it almost hurt, sharp nails piercing peppermint-green satin and digging into soft fur. Any deeper and he might draw blood, but…

The worst part about it was, she had no idea what she'd done to him. She hadn't been the one to draw the comparison, she never made it into a competition…

but he couldn't hold a candle to her

No, the worst part about it was, they were supposed to be allies. She was going to be an invaluable companion in the fight against the Knight, and the Roaring…

but she didn't even know who he was

But really, the worst part about it was, she didn't deserve it. She didn't have a single malicious bone in her body – he could tell that much just by looking at her. She was kind. She was sweet. She was smart.

and she was better than him

The worst part about it was, he knew he shouldn't be feeling these things. But when she could do everything he did better than he could, and more besides, it was hard for Ralsei not to feel

unnecessary

unwanted

inadequate

resentful of her. And deeply afraid that she might undo everything he'd built, sweep away everything he held dear, without even knowing she was doing it. Just by existing.

This hadn't been a problem with Kris and Susie. They each had their own strengths, their own sphere of influence – Kris, the unwavering leader; Susie, the hot-headed trailblazer… and Ralsei, the calm, compassionate healer. The three of them complemented each other perfectly, balancing each other out, compensating for each other's shortfalls, and made a formidable force for good in the world. Not even chaos-powered jesters or corrupted robotic salesmen could stand up to them.

It had been… perfect. Like he'd found a Ralsei-shaped hole to snuggle into, a place where he could be the very best version of himself, and help the people he cared about.

But what need had they of him, now that she was there? She had practically grown up alongside the two of them, and it was clear they were all familiar with, and also quite fond of, each other. And when she had slipped in between them, so effortlessly, so thoughtlessly, something had been dislodged to accommodate her.

He shivered to recall the way she looked at him… or rather, through him, as though he were no more substantial than the air, or a flickering shadow. The way her mouth struggled to form words to describe him, and her brain didn't quite manage to grasp the concept of him. And even Susie, and Kris, seemed to just… forget about him, when she was there. Not even looking back to see if he was alright, or to ask him for advice on a puzzle…

because he was just an object to them

…but of course. It had to be this way, didn't it? Darkners weren't supposed to be equal to lightners. They weren't supposed to be friends with lightners. All they were supposed to do was to serve quietly, unobtrusively. Be used when called upon, and then dismissed and forgotten once their purpose was served. And that was supposed to be enough. That was supposed to fulfil a darkner completely, to know that they could be useful to their betters.

And to have believed any differently was…

A knock at the door disrupted Ralsei's spiralling train of thought. He did not get up to answer it, did not call out to see who it was. Probably Lancer wanting to play, or Rouxls Kaard come begging for "Royale Patronageth" or something. Perhaps they would give up if he just stayed where he was, kept his dismal silence. Company was the very last thing he wanted right now.

There came another knock, this one louder, and with each thump against the wooden door, the prince's heart wrenched and threatened to smash itself to pieces against his ribcage. He tugged his ears down over his head, trying to block out the horrid noise, this unwelcome encroachment into his black mood. This was supposed to be his sanctuary. He had left very clear instructions to everyone that he was not to be disturbed, for any reason. So whoever this was, clearly they hadn't got the memo. Perhaps someone would notice this, and kindly escort the unruly individual somewhere far, far away from here. The farther, the better.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

It was no use. There was no drowning out that infernal rapping, and it was clear they weren't going to give up, whoever they were. And so, joints creaking as he shuffled off the bed and upright, Ralsei called his hat and scarf to him, adjusted his glasses, straightened his robe out, and strode over to the door.

'Yes, yes, I'm coming!' he called out. 'Whatever this is, whoever you are, this had better be…'

The door opened, and when the prince saw who was stood on the other side, his strident tone faltered, and his voice almost fizzled out there and then.

'…important.'

'…they said I'd find you here,' said Kris. '…can I come in?'

Ralsei looked the human up and down, several questions forming in his head. What were they doing here? Why had they come alone? Why were they even bothering with him, now? But such questions were purely academic, because like it or not, he was in no position to refuse them. And so he ushered them in, closing the door quietly behind them.

A darkner must serve when called upon, after all.


It was nice to wear the hat again. Its wide brim cast his face into deep shadow, turning his normally immaculate white fur all jet black and fuzzy. Ralsei felt… safe wearing it. Shielded. Better able to withstand the cruel turns of fate that had threatened to overcome him, in his weaker moments. He did not think he would have to wear it in front of Kris again so soon. But this seemed more appropriate, somehow, like a return to more neutral territory.

'I just… felt like wearing it today!' he said, when the human questioned him on it. 'I… is that so wrong? I can wear my hat if I want to…'

'Of course,' replied Kris, as reasonable about it as could be. 'You do you.'

'I… I will, then,' said Ralsei, resolutely. 'But, um… where's Susie…?'

'Dunno. Didn't see her at church today. Guess she's still at home or something.'

Ah, that's right. It was Sunday, wasn't it? That would… likely explain why no-one had come to see him yesterday. He was surprised to find that detail annoyed him rather more than he expected it to. But then…

'H-how did you get into school, if it's a weekend?' he asked.

By way of response, Kris held up a small key, smiling as they did so.

'…I see. And where did you…?'

'I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean,' they said. 'I'm just… borrowing it. Mom won't even notice it's gone.'

'O-okay,' said the prince, not sure whether to be relieved by this or not. '…well, it's, um, nice that you thought of me, I suppose.'

The two sat in silence for a short while, seemingly engaged in their own thoughts. This wasn't like other quiet moments between them, such as when they were strolling through the Field of Hopes and Dreams, or the more contemplative, comforting calm during their boat ride together in Queen's mansion. This was a tense silence, fraught with unasked questions and unresolved dilemmas. It was becoming increasingly clear to Ralsei that Kris had not come here out of the goodness of their own heart - something was weighing heavily on them, no matter that they tried to conceal it behind their neutral expression and stoic bearing. He thought that, if he waited just a little while, Kris would offer it up of their own volition. But after an entire minute had passed without a single word exchanged between them, it was apparent that they were not going to be as forthcoming as that.

It was becoming unbearable. He had to say something. He tried a smile, to look at them as he spoke.

'So… what can I do for you today, Kris?'

The human looked up at him, said nothing. The prince had realised the moment he spoke, how it had sounded. He cleared his throat.

'Err… I mean, well, to what do I owe the…'

No, that didn't sound right either. And still, they didn't speak. Aargh, couldn't they give him something to work with here?!

'…why have you, um, come here?' he said, abandoning all pretence at cheeriness.

This did provoke a reaction, as Kris looked away, suddenly appearing uncomfortable.

'…if it's inconvenient, I can…'

'No!' said Ralsei, leaping to his feet at once. 'It… of course not! It's always… always a pleasure to have you and Susie here!'

And this wasn't a lie, as such. It was a pleasure to have them over, to spend time with them. It was a pleasure to see them relaxed, and happy, and smiling. A pleasure to serve them tea and cake, a pleasure to listen to their worries, a pleasure to patch up their wounds, and to ensure they were kept amused, and to let them talk over him, and to watch them grow and flourish while he stood there in the shadows and…

'…don't worry about me, okay?' he said, painting another small smile on his features. 'But, if I might be so bold, Kris… I sense that something is, um, troubling you. D-did you want to… talk about it?'

The young knight shuffled in their seat, legs idly kicking at the air between them. Their hands rested awkwardly on their lap, and their fingers twitched slightly as they looked down at them.

'…it… isn't really anything, to be honest,' they said at length. 'Just… family stuff. It's always a little, uh, awkward. After service. Needed to get away from it all, I guess.'

Ralsei nodded, though he didn't have all that much experience with family matters, being an ephemeral creation of the dark. 'Oh, I'm… sorry to hear that… awkward how, exactly…?'

But it was clear, even before asking that question, that Kris wasn't quite ready to talk about that, in the way they put one arm across themself, lightly gripping their other forearm.

'…oh, forgive me,' said the prince hurriedly. 'It's… okay if you don't want to, um…' he tried smiling again, desperate to

please his superior

put his friend at ease. 'Y-you can, um, stay here for as long as you need to… okay Kris?'

The human just nodded. But whether it was in appreciation of the gesture, or just acknowledgement of an obvious fact, Ralsei couldn't tell.

'…well, I have tea, if you would like some,' he continued, motioning to a nearby sideboard upon which was laid several plates, cups, teapots, and a lazy susan loaded with elegant pastries, fingers of sumptuous cakes and tea sandwiches cut into perfect little triangles, with the crusts trimmed off them, of course. 'Help yourself to snacks, too. I have some chocolate cakes, but there are all sorts of flavours there, if you prefer.'

At the mention of "chocolate", Kris was up, inspecting the array of treats with a critical eye. They took two chocolate sponge fingers, lavishly decorated with swirls of rich chocolate buttercream and elegant chocolate curls. Then they took a third one. Ralsei watched them, unable to repress a small, self-satisfied giggle. It was always nice to see someone appreciate his baking.

Presently, Kris returned with their spoils, but instead of going to sit where they were, opposite him, they gestured next to the prince. It took a second for him to realise what they were getting at, but then understanding, he scooted over, making a space for them to sit next to him. Then they did something even stranger – they picked up one of their cakes and offered it to him.

'…thought you might want one too,' they said.

But Ralsei raised a hand. 'It's okay, Kris. I'm… not hungry just now.'

The human shrugged. 'I'll keep it for you if you change your mind.'

'…you don't… have to do that, you know.'

'I know,' said Kris, matter-of-factly.

Then they picked up another cake and took a small bite out of it. The prince tried not to watch, but it was weirdly fascinating to see them attempt to navigate it without spilling any errant curls, or getting buttercream smeared across their mouth. They ate with a care and restraint that surprised him, and it occurred to him that they were perhaps trying to be… respectful? Or perhaps deferential to him? Which was… really rather touching, actually.

They caught him looking over at them, swallowed their mouthful, and gently set the cake back down on the plate. He could see that they really wanted to just scarf it in one bite, given how their gaze would dart to it repeatedly, as if it were taunting them.

'…actually, you know what? I think I will have one, thank you,' said Ralsei. He picked one up delicately between his forefinger and thumb, appraised it for just a moment or two, wondering whether he could… ah, of all the things to be worrying about right now, this was the least of his concerns. And so, opening his mouth wide, he crammed as much of it as he could inside, chewing furiously, not caring how much mess he made. He smiled over at Kris, showing them it was alright, and that they didn't need to show restraint around him. He could feel the frosting clumping together in his fur, and knew that it would take ages to wash that yucky, sticky feeling out of it, but he didn't care just then – he was having far too much fun. And judging by Kris's amused smile back at him, so were they.

Following his example, they took the remaining segment of their cake and demolished it in one bite, managing to smear cream and curls all over their face and nose, and even managing to get some stuck in their fringe. The sight of the usually-stoic Kris in such a state made Ralsei laugh aloud, and even they couldn't help but chuckle as well.

'I'll get some handkerchiefs, shall I?' said the prince, retrieving them from a nearby drawer and handing one to Kris.

'That was nice,' said Kris, wiping the chocolate from their face. 'Thanks. I do feel a bit better now.'

'That's good. I'm glad.'

'…so, what are you doing up here by yourself?' they went on. 'Did… something happen yesterday?'

Ralsei tensed at once. He didn't want to speak out of turn, or say something that might upset them. But also, it wasn't his place to burden his fri— the lightners with his own trivial concerns. They would likely think him foolish, or overemotional. They would confirm his worst fears, restate what he knew to be true all along. So, composing himself as best he could, he turned to them with a sweet, disarming little smile.

'No… nothing's the matter at all,' he said. 'I mean, I… I've been very, very busy with… important prince things, seeing as I am… well, a prince. Lots to do, no time to do it! Haha.'

'Must be tiring,' said Kris. 'Though… everyone here seems to mostly govern themselves.'

'I… suppose that's correct,' he conceded. 'B-but I… well, I don't want you to think that I just… haha, sit around waiting for you two to come back all the time. Because that would be…'

precisely what was expected of him

'…well, I… don't do that, anyway,' he finished.

'…no-one ever said you did,' said the human.

'…r-right. Well… just, I… good! Because I, um, don't.'

Ralsei tried to smile again, but the effort was starting to prove too much, and the best he could manage was a sort-of flat, ambivalent expression. Perhaps that would be enough, though. Perhaps they'd be content with that, and just… leave him to his dark reveries. It wasn't like Kris was much of a talker anyhow, so perhaps they'd just give up trying. He certainly wouldn't blame them for that.

But then… why were they looking at him like that? Why weren't they changing the subject? Why weren't they getting up to excuse themself?

'…you can talk to me, you know,' said Kris.

'…I know that,' said Ralsei quietly. 'That's… what we're doing right now, isn't it?'

'…I mean, about what's bothering you. If something's happened, or if me or Susie did something to upset you—'

'It's… nothing either of you have done,' he cut over them, his voice becoming terse.

More like what you haven't done, he didn't add.

'Then what is it?'

'…I can't tell you.'

'…why not?'

Isn't it obvious? He wanted to say. Because that's not how this is supposed to work. It's not my place to say. Surely you know that, don't you?

'…you've got your own worries, Kris,' Ralsei sighed. 'I… don't want to add to them.'

'I'm going to worry about it more if I don't know what's happening,' they replied firmly.

'…why do you care so much about it?'

This seemed to stun Kris somewhat, and for a frightful instant, the prince wondered if he'd gone too far, and actually succeeded in pushing them away. A small, scared part of him cried out, pleading silently with them not to leave him in an all-too-brief flash of lucidity. His hand twitched as he contemplated reaching out to them, to tell them in some small way that he didn't mean this, he was just frightened and confused and alone and didn't know what he was supposed to be doing…

'…I thought you might… want to talk about it… I thought it… might help…'

'Have you perhaps considered that I don't want to?' Ralsei heard himself say, wincing inwardly at the cruel, defensive edge in his words. Why was he saying all this? This wasn't what he wanted at all.

He saw Kris's frown deepen, saw them shift ever so slightly away from him, look down at their feet, as if contemplating just getting up and walking out.

'Okay,' they said. 'If you don't want to now, that's… that's fine. I get it. But if… if you find you do want to open up… I'll be here for you. And so will Susie. We're here for you. Because we're you're friends.'

And with that, they got up. 'I'll see you later, Ralsei. Thanks for the cake. Look after yourself, alright?'

'W-wait!'

The sound had erupted from his mouth before he'd even had time to think about it. Kris stopped, halfway between the prince and the door. They didn't turn around. Now he found himself at something of a loss. What did he say now? What could he say, after something like that? So he just kept talking. Perhaps if he didn't think about what he was saying… perhaps he could reach out that way, instead.

'I… I'm sorry,' he managed. 'I didn't… I shouldn't have talked to you like that. It was… rather beastly of me. And you were… just being nice.'

Kris continued to stand there, not saying anything. Ralsei didn't know if his words were getting through or not. Perhaps nothing he said now would make a difference. But anything was better than being alone again. He knew that now.

'It's just that, um,' he went on, 'I've… never had to deal with this sort of stuff before. A-and I was… scared. I thought that you… might think I was being silly. Or laugh at me. O-or…'

'No,' said Kris, turning their head to look at him. 'We'd… never do that. Never.'

'Y… you mean that…? You won't…?'

The human shook their head. Now they turned, coming back towards him. Kneeling in front of him, they took the prince's hands in theirs, giving them a comforting squeeze.

'Of course not. Say what you have to say. I'll listen.'

Ralsei nodded his head slightly, biting his lip to stem the swell of emotion bubbling away beneath the surface. He took a deep breath, steadied himself.

'I…' he began. Nearly losing his nerve there and then. He focused on the pressure from Kris's grip on his paws, and tried again. 'I… thought that you and Susie would… forget about me. B-because of her.'

'Her?' they said. 'You mean… Noelle…?'

He nodded again. 'I… saw what she was capable of, back in the Cyber world. She's… really talented, Kris. An amazing healer. An accomplished mage. And the way she just… slotted in so neatly with you two… it felt like… it… felt…'

Words failed him. But Kris understood at once. 'and you… thought that we'd… replace you with her…?'

Ralsei nodded again, this time unable to respond verbally. The dam keeping everything together couldn't hold, and he wouldn't know what to do if he broke in front of them. He was supposed to be the comforter, the one people turned to when they were feeling low, or insecure, or just needed a hug. Such things came so easily to him, like breathing. But when it came to his own emotional turmoil, it was as if someone had slanted and twisted everything around, just enough so that things felt slightly off, and try as he might, he just couldn't make sense of it…

'…but why would you…?' said Kris softly. 'Why would we do that?'

'I… I don't know! Because she's better than me! Because when she's around, it feels like I've become invisible! Like I don't exist anymore! Because she's this lovely, sweet, amazing person and she doesn't even realise it, and I know she's not trying to make me feel like this, but she IS, and it hurts so much, and I'm so scared that she's gonna take you away from me, and then I'll just be a lonely prince again, a lonely darkner… just another servant to the lightners… to you, and I don't want that to happen, I don't want to lose you or Susie or anyone, I don't—'

Ralsei felt himself being pulled forward, so that his head was now resting on Kris's shoulder. And as their arms quietly encircled him, holding his quivering body steady against the encroaching storm, the last of his will crumbled to dust, and he let go. And at last his tears, which he had been holding back for so long, were allowed to run down his face, clinging to his fur, glistening like dewdrops in the morning sun, and as quiet sobs wracked his body, he clung to them as if they might be swept away. And Kris said nothing, did not move from that spot, except to gently rub his back. And presently, the prince's convulsions began to weaken, his breathing began to deepen and become steadier, until both of them were perfectly still in each other's arms, locked in a quiet, tranquil embrace.

'No-one's going to replace you,' said Kris quietly, stroking the back of Ralsei's head.

'D… do you promise…?'

God, he felt so foolish, so needy, asking something like that. But the truth was, he did need it. He needed to hear them say it. He needed them to promise. Maybe then, he could… actually begin to believe it himself.

'Yes. I promise.'

And just like that, with those three little words, the darkness in his heart fell away, and everything was just as it should be again. Ralsei was back. He was home. He was needed.

No, better than that. He was wanted.

'…thank you,' he choked, his words muffled from being buried in Kris's shoulder cape. 'Thank you so much…'

'…it's okay,' the human replied. 'It… reminds me a little bit of my relationship with Azzy, actually.'

'That's… your brother, right?'

They nodded. 'He was… always the best at everything. School, games, sports, social life… you name it, he was the best at it. And everyone loved him.'

'He… does sound quite amazing,' said Ralsei.

'…yeah, he really was. But… well, I… it was hard, living with that, sometimes.' Kris sighed, and they seemed to sag, suddenly becoming heavier in the prince's arms. 'Like, no matter what I did, or how hard I tried… it's like none of it mattered. Because Azzy could do it a hundred times better than me. People… only had eyes for him, really. And… yeah, sometimes it really was like… I was invisible. Like I didn't really exist.'

Ralsei gripped Kris tighter to himself, nuzzling his cheek to theirs, heart threatening to burst with emotion for them. 'Oh, that must have been… Kris, I'm sorry. There's me going on about my problems, and you…'

'…it's alright,' they said, leaning into the contact. '…it was a bit like that today. Mom and Dad were just… wrapped up in all their stuff. Trying to score points. Kinda… brought all that back for me, I suppose. But… I think this helped. So, thanks.'

'…that's okay, Kris,' he replied, giving a little laugh. 'It's… kind of funny how that worked out, isn't it…?'

They gave a thoughtful little hum at this.

'…but, well… I think you're, um… pretty amazing too, you know,' Ralsei continued, feeling his face flush. 'A-and I'm not just saying that because I'm a darkner! You have done some… really remarkable things. You sealed two fountains by yourself, and overcame all sorts of dangerous enemies and traps… and you even managed to tame Susie, too!'

Kris laughed. 'Yeah, I guess so. But I did have some help.'

'…glad to be of assistance,' he replied, glowing at the compliment.

Because… well, yes. To serve brought him joy, it was true… but to stand as equals alongside friends, to hold each other in absolute confidence and trust, and to support each other when times were hard… that was true fulfilment. And for the first time in his life, Ralsei felt like he was… enough.

'…hey, Kris.'

'…yeah?'

'…I'm, um… glad we're friends.'

'…'

'…yeah, me too, Ralsei.'


Author's note:

We're back, baby! Feeling much better after a quick break, and even managed to tease a story out of the experience, too. Take THAT, anxiety!

The story behind this one is interesting, because I always saw Noelle as a better version of Ralsei, combat-wise, as she has a better magic stat, her sleep mist pacifies all enemies, rather than just one at a time, AND she can cast offensive magic too (though depending on your actions, that… may not count as a positive). But it wasn't until I succumbed to my own anxiety that I started to think about how it would feel for fluffy boy to be so thoroughly outclassed at the things he was good at. Before I realised it, I'd finished a first draft, and… well, it became what you've just read.

And luckily, this story has a lovely, fluffy ending, so I hope that if you struggle with anxiety or depression or doubt, that this spoke to you in some way. It can and does get better, trust me! :)

Side note – I've also compiled all my little Ralsei-centred one-shots into their very own collection on AO3, titled "Meditations on a Fluffy Prince". Just so they're all grouped together all nice and such. I'll likely add more stories to this collection, too, so check in often if you happen to be a fellow Ralsei enjoyer :P

Alright, that's it from me for now. I hope you enjoyed this, and please let me know what you thought! :)